Category: Misc.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, as many of my readers may know, I’ve been single for quite some time. Can’t believe it’s been seven months already, but yeah – she’s been single for a while. The single life, in its simplest form, has been very good to me. I’ve been able to get to know myself better by myself, I’ve been able to meet some dope new people and call them my friends, and I’ve been able to go on adventures by myself and make some cool memories just this year so far! I definitely like life the way it is now just because I’m taking care of myself and learning how to balance my top needs while still being involved in other people’s lives.

But, sometimes it does get lonely on this side of the spectrum.

When you’re in a romantic relationship, you always have a plus one to events or gatherings. If I wanted to see someone in concert, invite your partner. If I was going on a vacation, invite your partner. If I was going to a social gathering, hey – bring that partner of yours for some social support! When you’re single, you don’t always have that other person beside you to do these things, and although for the most part, I’m okay with that (I went to a concert on my own and went on vacation on my own as well and was fine for the most part), it still feels good to experience these things with a person you love.

Also, with the adult friendships you have in your life, sometimes it’s just going to be you doing these things. Sometimes it’s empowering, and sometimes it sucks. 

As a person who isn’t looking for a relationship any time soon, I still have this need to want to feel loved and give out love to those I care about. I’m just a lover, and it’s sometimes the hardest thing to be one when you got “no one to love.”

These days, though, I’m learning a lot about love; platonic love. 

It’s funny because I first learned about the existence of platonic relationships through my favorite TV show of all time, The Killing. The two main characters, Detectives Sarah Linden and Stephen Holder are partners in various crime cases in Seattle, Washington, and throughout their crime-solving, we get to know them as characters and the demons they carry around, which many crime procedurals at its time did not do. You truly fell in love with these two together because although they fought and disagreed at times, they were truly each other’s rock, and they had a love for each other that they never had with anyone else in that world. They never hooked up, kissed (well, tried), or hinted that there was a romantic aspect of their relationship. They just had a love for each other that meant more than any romantic relationship, in my opinion.

Of course, that’s television, but platonic intimacy is truly a thing.

At this point, that is the type of love I want to have for a while. I want to meet new people that I can hopefully create these close friendships with and hope that there is a mutual understanding of our boundaries and willingness to be good friends. Even when I was in a relationship, I always had a hard time differentiating the types of love I show to different categories of people because, well, I treat everyone the same way, even if that meant that my partner got some of my more “friend” type of love at times as well. Sometimes, I really ask myself if I even know how to be in a relationship because of my struggle of loving someone in a romantic aspect and if the love I truly have for other people at this point in my life is just strictly “friend love”.

Meaning: I haven’t found the one yet to be romantically with, so no matter how many relationships I have in the future if that person isn’t “the one”, I’d most likely be just giving them “friend love”, which maybe is the sign telling me about statuses of those type of relationships.

In even simple terms, I don’t want romance in the connections I have with people in my life. 

With that want and my demiromanticism, I believe that the most important relationships in my life now are my friendships, and for me to completely be myself and how my appreciation for them is having a platonic love them, which I truly do! I honestly love all of my friends and I’m so grateful to have them in my life, and these relationships are much more important to me than trying to find a romantic partner to give that love to.

So, to those that value their platonic relationships like romantic relationships, I commend you for doing so! Thank you for not being afraid of holding those relationships to the same level as you would for your romantic relationship, and I hope to be like you with my own friends one day!

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, about a little over a year ago, I remember publishing a post on the reason why I don’t write poetry anymore. TLDR, it basically was because poetry reminded me about some dark parts of my past and the person that I was when I was writing poetry. In a way, the craft was tainted for me; I have some of my closest friends at the time tell me that I should stop writing because it wasn’t good and for a while, I listened to them. I haven’t written a single piece of poetry since 2013.

That was, until recently.

You see, poetry was a quick and artistic way of me to express how I was feeling and what was going through my mind. It was more like mental check-ins than poetry, which was just my style of poetry, but the people around me made me try even harder to seem “dope” or “cool”, hence the try-hard poetry started. Don’t get me wrong, some of those pieces are still my favorite pieces I’ve ever written, but I never wanted my writing, especially my word-vomit of poetry, to be taken so…seriously? Well, I guess so try-hard like.

I stopped writing because I was just scared of starting again. I felt like I lost my passion for poetry after a while, and it was hard for me to just finish a piece every now and then. I don’t know why or how I got back into writing “poetry”; maybe it was just another outlet to express the things that were happening to me, but I started to just do a “iPhone note poem” every night and sharing them on my social media and the rest is history.

In a way, writing these little poems became therapeutic on the days that I just had a lot to say but no one to say it to. Many of these poems are inspired by therapy sessions, the ones that require me to dig up old shit and think about it in order to heal from it. I’m glad that they do because every time I write something regarding a heavy topic on my mind it helps me put those feelings into words and let it out of my system. Of course, when I first started writing them, it was very hard for me to accept the fact that they weren’t so poetic as my poetry once was. These little note poems are simply just thoughts on a paper (well, phone screen); in other words, it was a very low-stakes type of writing. It meant that I wouldn’t judge myself too hard on how “good” the poem was and that the fact that I was writing again was the only thing that mattered.

So, rekindle an old passion you once had. Stop believing that your art is not good enough, it’s the fact that you’re even doing it in the first place is all that matters! We gotta stop being so hard on ourselves, especially when it comes to our craft! It’s taking me a lot of work to embrace just doing it; no judgment, no comparison, nothing that influences your want to just do it.

So, yeah. I stopped writing poetry because I thought I wasn’t a good enough writer. Now I write it because it allows my thoughts to have a voice for once.

And that’s how Liz got her groove back (in poetry).

 

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, ya girl is learning a lot these days. She’s learning how to budget her money responsibly (even though she did buy 6 albums within the last couple of weeks), she’s learning how to simply embrace the things she enjoys (i.e tons of KPop music, sense of humor, style), and she’s learning a couple of things about having adult friendships.

Also, she’s gotta stop referring to herself in the third person. 

The thing about friendships is that I haven’t had many of them within a couple of years. The last group of people I had as close friends were the ones I had during my senior year of college in my acting class; it’s actually where I met the most real one out there, Tori! I’ve had a couple of friends within the last couple of years, but with my social anxiety and fear of keeping friends, I always ended up disappearing.

This time, I’m trying my hardest to not let that happen again and to actually develop some meaningful, long-lasting friendships.

Of course, that comes with learning about adult friendships in the first place.

What made having friends as a teenager so easy was that we were always at the same place at the same time for five days a week. Sure, we knew other people outside our friend group and such, but for the most part, your friends were your friends and you were your friends’ friends. The only distance between you guys was possibly the fact that you lived a couple of avenues and streets away from one another. 

But, as I got older, keeping friendships was a really hard thing for me. Not only was I in a situation where I was cautious of having friends, I just lost touch with the people in my life because I have this fear that I’m easily forgotten… I’m working on that! After a while, I just stopped having friends altogether, and it wasn’t until recently since I started to make some friends again!

So even though I’m very respectful and honest about my boundaries with the people in my life, I sometimes have a hard time understanding how boundaries work in adult friendships.

Adults have lives. They are in romantic relationships, they have other friends in their lives and honestly adult friendships have their own side of unique issues than it does when you’re a teenager. For starters, keeping in touch plays a huge role in adult relationships; your friends are not around the block to constantly see you in person and hang out. My closest (and for a while; only) friend lived in Pennsylvania for a year before she packed up her life and moved to Florida, so our long-distance friendship only works if we keep in touch and keep a presence in each other’s lives. For me, that includes sending out holiday/birthday cards to her, keeping her in the loop of the juicy gossip in my life, and supporting her creative outlets.

Another thing is that many adult friendships mean that these people have significant others or a family in their lives. Tori is engaged, half of my girl coworkers are in long-term relationships, and yes, even guy friends are in relationships as well. While I treat everyone pretty much the same because I am not the type to transform into different people for different people, I realize that yeah, even in friendships, especially adult friendships, have different tiers.

It’s about school friends, life-long friends, work friends, etc. – people fit into different categories in your life and depending on the relationship you have with them, your willingness to share things about yourself varies. In other words, things that your life-long friends know about you are not the same things that your work friends know about you. 

I don’t have that boundary with the people in my life, and that’s not always the greatest thing.

While I don’t mean any harm with the people in my life, there is just some level of boundaries you have to have with them. For example, the things I may share with my managers in casual conversation will not be so deep as the conversations I have with the other booksellers at the job. It’s just the level of professionalism and position that creates that boundary for you. New friends in my life shouldn’t know my autobiography within the first week of knowing each other, which yes, I’m aware that with some people in my life as of now, I did share some things way too quickly.

But, it’s about respecting the boundaries and voicing those boundaries, especially with friends of the opposite sex that are in relationships. Not only do I have to remain conversation on a friend level, but I have to also consider the friend’s partner and what they may think of when certain things are shared with me. It’s just having that reassurance that I’m in my lane, staying within my boundaries, making platonic relationships with new people.

Boundaries are not just things you have with people you are in romantic relationships with; they are present in all different relationships! They don’t exist because you shouldn’t trust people blah blah blah, but they’re used as healthy ways to respect yourself and your worth and show others that you will only accept that same level of respect from them and nothing less. That was preachy word-vomit, sorry!

So, have some boundaries and be honest about them, then the actual fun friendship with people begins. 🙂

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Is it just me, or does it feel like this month just flew by? January felt never-ending, but this month just came and went within a blink of an eye. Although the month is almost over, a lot of exciting things and new obsessions have come my way! The thing about having the time and space to self-discover is that along the way, you find some interesting things you missed out on and find some new things to add to your collection of the things that make you, you.

So, here are some things that happened this month and some of the things I’ve been obsessed with.

Highlights:

1.) The first month of my Weight-Loss Journey has officially begun!

Last month, I went to my consultation appointment and got introduced to the program and how everything is going to go for the next couple of months while being under this program. Like I mentioned in a post a couple of months ago, I am taking the bariatrics route of weight-loss. I’ve decided to make a huge lifestyle change this new year, and while I have the opportunity and chance to do this, I’m going to do it for my health; present and future. So, this month was my official first month of the program. The program is a 6-month program that includes tons of check-ups, support groups, seeing a lot of doctors, and following a little diet in order to start this new lifestyle before the whole surgery thing happens. The surgery would happen sometime this summer (which is insane to even think about) so from now until them, it’s just a lot of prepping and mentally getting ready to make a drastic lifestyle change.

2.) I “popped my social cherry” with my coworkers!

As you all may know by now, I’m not the type to go out and have drinks with friends or anyone of that matter because, well, I didn’t have many friends. Now that I socialize with my coworkers and have some really dope connections with them, one day after work we decided to go to happy hour at a taco joint & bar called Ho’Brah. The food was pretty good, the drinks were flowing, and man; I had such a great fucking time. We spoke about everything and anything really, gossiped a bit, laughed our asses off, and I truly opened up and my shyness and anxiety were nowhere to be seen. It was such a great time, and I hope to do it more in the future with them because they are truly amazing people and I’m so glad to have them in my life.

3.) Tattoo #5 has been added to the collection!

It was about time I got some new ink on my body because ya girl was itching for it. So on Valentine’s Day, I went to work and had no plans whatsoever because I’m single and well, no gals for Galentine’s Day because my gals got men in their life. So on my way home from work, I decided to treat myself with a new tattoo; for a couple of weeks, I wanted something to represent a song that has honestly got me through the tough times and anxious nights as of lately. The song, although a Kpop song by ultimate bias group VICTON, has such a lively beat to it, and it’s quickly become the song that I rely on to put me in a better mood. The song is called “The Chemistry”, and instead of just getting the song title on my arm, I decided to do something for the best of both worlds; a chemistry bottle accompanying the song title.

Favorites:

1.) X1/Victon’s Seungwoo

So, bias wreckers are bias wreckers for a reason. You see, every now and then, our bias gets a little MIA on the scene, and you just look for another person to admire for a bit and BAM – bias wrecker just destroys you. When I first started to like X1 as a group, Han Seungwoo (Hangul: 한승우) became my bias for a while; he’s a 94 liner, his stage presence was insane, he became one of my favorites on Produce X 101, and his vocals are just… whoa. Sooner or later, another X1 member, Seungyoun, became my bias and pretty much still is. It wasn’t until recently since I started to get more into Seungwoo’s original group, VICTON. Seeing Seungwoo in VICTON versus Seungwoo in X1 is literal night and day; in VICTON, he’s a lead vocalist and lead rapper and his charisma while performing in VICTON was… whoa. In X1, Seungwoo was the main vocalist and he deserved to be it because his vocal range is also… whoa. This boy is crazy talented and so humble about it too! He definitely deserves all the success in the world because he worked hard to get where he’s at and despite the lows he experienced in both groups, he has a crazy amount of fans that support him. Wooya hwaiting! 

2.) LOONA’s “So What”

Now I’m not a LOONA fan for one reason and one reason only: their fans are insane. But despite that, I was just never into their songs, until this comeback came along. This song is just a different style that they haven’t done before; it’s like an  EDM dance girl crush concept and sound and it just is such a good song! The harmonies are sick, the raps are dope, and the music video to the song is just so good as well! If there’s one song (besides VICTON’s albums) that I was obsessed with this past month, it’s been this song – and that says a lot! So many different comebacks happened this past month (two big ones were EVERGLOW and IZ*ONE) and still, this song outshined them both. Loona is definitely a group to look out for; their fanbase is loud and bold and they are crazy talented.

3.) Sejun of VICTON’s cover of “River” by Bishop Briggs

Lawd, this song made Sejun such a bias wrecker for me, y’all. So back in January, VICTON had their 1st concert in South Korea, and each of the members had a solo special stage. Sejun, who is typically the “second” main vocalist after Seungsik, sang and danced to a cover of Bishop Briggs’ “River.” Y’all. Let me set the scene for you: this man came on the stage, barefoot, and with a red cloth covering his eyes and danced for like a minute straight with it on. His vocals in this song originally are already crazy, and Sejun handled it flawlessly – he even added his own high note at the end. You can tell how immensely proud he was when he watched the recorded performance on VLIVE, and deadass, he deserves it! I don’t now why Play M are hiding these boys because THEY ARE CRAZY TALENTED. Also, Sejun with blonde hair is a curse, it’s lethal, and wow he’s just so damn good looking.

4.) I (almost) collected all of VICTON’s physical albums!

So, with VICTON now my ultimate bis group of Kpop, I wanted to actually start collecting their physical albums because again for the umpteenth time, my hopes of doing that with X1 abruptly ended because of their disbandment. So when I fell in love with their debut mini-album, I knew I needed the physical copy in my very-small-but-ever-growing collection. So, I bought it, then bought my second favorite mini-album, and then ended up with their entire discography. They are currently coming back in March as OT7 (Seungwoo is back!) so best to believe I’ll be owning that too.

That’s it for this month of favorites and highlights! See you in March!

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, it’s no surprise that I’m a huge fan of Kpop. If you follow me on any social media platform (particularly Instagram), you will see that my love for Kpop is pretty… visible to say the least.

To keep my Kpop story short, I started listening to Kpop and getting interested in it in 2018 when I was doing laundry with my mother at an Asian laundromat while they played TWICE’s “KNOCK KNOCK” on their TV. After listening to a couple of their songs on Spotify, the rest is truly history.

It took me a while to gain an interest in other Kpop groups; there were just so many to listen to and I didn’t know where to start my search for other groups. While watching Korean variety shows and browsing playlists online for other Kpop groups, I had a pretty intensive repertoire of artists that not only did I enjoy their music, I enjoyed them as a group.

In other words, I became a stan.

Once you get yourself into a world of particular interest, it could either be pretty supporting or pretty toxic, and it truly determines whether or not new people who are looking to join that world truly do it in the long run. When I started to watch and get really into the TV Show, The Killing, a couple of years ago, the community I joined were a very supportive and loving one; we joined together to fight for the 4th season of the show to be picked up by Netflix (which did) and it was honestly a community that saved my life back in 2013 when things in my personal life were rocky.

Although the Kpop community is a large one and supportive in their own way, there’s a reason why I like to stay in my own personal bubble of Kpop and not openly discuss my views or likings with other members of that community.

Truth be told: the Kpop community is toxic to those who are multi-fandom stans.

As I browse most of my day on Instagram looking at Kpop photos and things to share on my stories, the comments and some discussions I find on these photos are just… baffling to me. You have people tearing other people down because they don’t hardcore stan “their bias” or get into arguments about who’s the better singer, dancer, the prettiest – whatever – in the group when really the group is a group for a reason and are all equally talented? Don’t get me wrong, I have my favorites in my favorite groups: Seungyoun in X1, Seungwoo & Seungsik & Sejun (oh my) in VICTON, Yeji & Ryujin in ITZY, and Jeongyeon & Chaeyoung in TWICE, but I won’t ever go on social media and belittle any of the other members of these groups to make my “bias” look better. Also, I don’t try to force my favorite groups, or just Kpop in general, to other people because, newsflash: not everyone is going to like what you like. 

As a community, we can do some amazing things. When X1 announced their disbandment in early January, K-One its and International One its have been actively trying to get the group to debut again and back together and by doing that, they have been raising money for events and protests in South Korea in order to show these agencies that X1 deserves another chance together after being completely innocent in the Produce series manipulation scandal. It’s been a beautiful movement to witness online and see just how much impact the X1 fandom is fighting for their beloved group. In times like that where a group has been mistreated and punished and treated unfairly, Kpop fans are hardcore and ready to call out the bullshit and protect their idols at all costs. That’s the type of community we should be, not the one that’s aggressive, mean to others, obnoxious and scary for newcomers.

Instead of attacking each other and trying to make our favorites superior to everyone else in the industry, our energy should be towards supporting the idols and their music, coming together to enjoy the music of these idols and their events. One thing I realized being an international KPop fan going to a Kpop concert in NYC, the best energy spent with these idols are ones where they feel like we are one, together, and connected like a family. Whether you’re a ONCE, One It, WIZ*ONE, Alice, or a Midzy, we’re all there for the same reason: for the love of music!

So as I wrote this to our Kpop community: let’s be more welcoming to newcomers, supportive for multi-fandoms, and kind-hearted.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, I’m in a pickle as I write this; I’m currently in this dilemma where I’m deciding when will I be ready to put myself out there again. Although I like my time to be spent on myself while I’m in this self-discovery journey, I still need to challenge my social skills and willingness to want to meet new people; romantically and socially.

As I’m learning how to be a little more confident with myself in a social sense, I’m realizing that I’m actually a pretty confident person when it comes to my personality. I feel like I’m a caring, fun, loving person that is able to communicate with people; I honestly have to thank my co-workers and the customers I encounter on a daily basis at my job. Sure, I have my awkward ass moments and sudden social anxiety freak-outs, but with practice and daily encounters, I’ve become confident with my personality.

Now, you’d think that because I’m confident with my personality, I wouldn’t let my personal views on my body affect me and my willingness to put myself out there, right? Completely wrong. Although I don’t consider myself a superficial person and will give anyone with a good vibe and kindness a chance, we live in a society where 90% of people are first attracted and intrigued by looks. Of course, I wouldn’t want someone in my life that just thought I was pretty and nothing else, but to literally start from scratch and put myself out there in a world where looks are a huge factor in society, it’s scary.

I started my Overexposed series on the blog to highlight some major parts in my life regarding my way and finding ways to love and embrace myself in my skin and to some extent I do. I’m okay with my body, I’m okay with how she jiggles, how round she is, and how she is built. But, that doesn’t mean there are people out there that do.

Also, let me just say this: I’m getting weight-loss surgery to be “beautiful” or “more appealing” to society. I’m doing it for my health.

In my twisted mind, I believe the relationships, lovers, – whatever you call them – happened out of luck. These people liked me for who I was and not how I looked like, but then also tell myself that all the bad things happened in them because they didn’t like the way I looked. Of course, I know that’s just me doing some irrational thinking and that’s not true, but maybe that’s just my opinion on how I believe other people see me: ugly, fat, the girl you don’t really love because of how she looks.

So, it’s going to be a journey to get my mind out of that thinking. It’s going to take a lot of breaking things down and embracing some imperfections in order to feel like my personality overshines the way I look, whether or not I’m fat or “thinner”. It’s so much easier to say that you are a good person and not feel insecure when being introduced to a new person, but maybe how I got confident in my personality it just takes some practice.

So if you’re feeling like no one would take interest in you because your looks are not what society’s standards are, it doesn’t mean that no one will like you. Your personality should do the talking, and the insecurities you feel about your body should not take center stage when you’re meeting new people. The more confident you are with yourself, the more people will love you for your inner beauty!

Forget about your body, you’re still beautiful, babe.

Our Life Through a Kaleidoscope

I’m in love with the way you look next to me.
You always grab a hold of my hand and kiss the palm of it like a
promise telling me I’ll always have you in the reach of a fingertip.
I’m in love with the long walks we take through Fort Greene Park as you
hug me from behind and continue to walk down the bumpy path while we
take breaks to sit on fallen tree trunks and talk;

I love that we talk.
And talk.
And talk.

I love how we can talk for hours:
on the phone whenever I ask you to come over because I’m terribly upset,
The midnight conversations on video chat until the sun comes up to tell us to finally get some rest,
and even the slightest moment before we make love to each other;
We are always talking to each other.

I love that you are the epitome of sex appeal.
I love staring at your heart-shaped lips whenever you bite them with your teeth,
I love how you say my name in your sexiest voice, even if you don’t have to do much to make it sexy,
I love the way you smell like Vanilla even if your skin is the perfect chocolate tone,
you make my teeth hurt just by walking my way,
my goodness, you make yourself edible.
I love how you taste when we kiss;

I love the way you passionately kiss me.

I love how your kisses always feel like fireworks over the beach in Coney Island,
how they leave me dizzy like a Cyclone but somehow I never get sick of them.
I love the slight moment after we kiss where we are against each other’s noses just looking into each other’s eyes,
I love the way your eyes look at me, even when you do something completely stupid,
I love that we can fight
and fight
and fight
and be mad at each other for a while and come back like nothing ever happened,

I love how forgiving your heart is.

I’m in love with your forgiveness after the many “I’m sorry” sentences that came out of me like a broken record,
And for the record, I love how you have been the only person who truly understands my mind,
especially during the times late at night, I’m hysterically crying because I’m just lonely,
when everyone else thinks I’ve gone crazy.

I love that you are crazy with me.

I love how much we have in common,
You’re like the family that never understood me,
the bedroom that I never had to run away to whenever I needed some privacy,
I love that you were my place to run to;

I love how you feel like home.

The hugs that would caress my body and shelter me better than any house I ever lived in,
The laugh that should’ve won a Grammy because it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard,
The way you protect me from the robbers trying to steal my heart away from you,
I still love
the sacrifice you made to even be here so that I knew what it felt like to finally be home instead
of wrecking everyone else’s.

I’m in love with your words.
I’m in love with the feel of your existence,

But I am not in love with you.

---

This was the last poem I ever posted on Facebook, and it was the last poem that I wrote in a long while for personal reasons.

This poem, in particular, is one of my favorites because it perfectly described a moment in my life where I was in love with the gestures of lovers but really had to question if I was in love with them. This was written during a weird time in my life, in the midst of everything happened in my life, all in everything with emotion and feelings. 

After 7 years, this poem truly still relates to me in the present day.

I’m still trying to learn the difference between loving someone versus being in love with someone and which one truly coincides with romance. Did I just love these people because they were unique, interesting, different? Did I just love the aura of romance I had with these people? Despite everything, was I in love with them? Yeah, I was. 

This poem was about a love I had that I was trying to let go because it was hurting me more than it felt good. I’m a hopeless romantic, and the gestures of love are one of my many weaknesses, even if there were times I was heartbroken and hurt by this person. I still had mad love for this person, but I wasn’t in love with them anymore, and this poem was one of the first poems I wrote that pretty much let me start this journey of letting go because I needed to love me more than I loved this person.

The same applies to what I’m currently going through.

That even though it’s been a half a year things ended in my last relationship, I still have a hard time letting go of the gestures of love that were shown in that relationship. I could still love the person for them, but I can’t be in love with them or else I’ll never be able to move on, and that is going to take more than 6 months to try to work out with myself.

I called it “Our Life Through a Kaleidoscope” because of my life and romantic was never clear enough. It was never a clear image of how love was supposed to look like, how the romance was supposed to feel like; it was just something I truly never had a glimpse of, but it was still pretty to look at. 

Sometimes, that’s the thing about love: when you’re in them and when you portray this image to the outside world, it looks pretty, shiny, something you want for yourself, not ever knowing that behind close doors or the truth of it all is that the love that you admire so much or are afraid of losing is not real or obtainable as well as you thought.

19-Year-Old Liz was a true ass poet, y’all.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

How’s everyone doing thus far in February? We are officially at the halfway point of the month and I hope no matter how your month has been for you that the latter part of the month turns out good!

Boy; has this month been a ride and a good one at that!

So, there’s been a lot of work being done with my social skills now that I feel comfortable being social with new people. The true first step was when I applied to my current job as a bookseller and had to interact with dozens of customers on a daily basis, which gradually came to me making friends out of my coworkers, me being able to go out with them like a big, social butterfly, and also even making bold moves in order to develop new friendships because I want to make them it’s just–

Y’all, my social anxiety is shooketh.

It’s amazing to see myself at this stage in my life because it’s something I thought I was capable of doing. Sure, it took a lot of therapy sessions and hard decisions to be where I’m at, but it was honestly so worth it. To agree to go out with a couple of friends and to even be openly honest with people I’ve met in the course of the last six months is mind-blowing.

Each and every day, I am beating anxiety’s ass up, y’all.

And I want to be an inspiration for the people who feel like they could never get back out there and start meeting new people because their social anxiety has taken over their bodies. I was once in that position – shoot – sometimes I’m still in that position! There’s no doubt that the little negative voice in my head tells me I said or done the wrong thing in a situation and that I don’t deserve anything good in life, but it’s gotten better. I’ve gotten past the point of self-doubting my every decision and just decided that so fucking what if things go wrong? it doesn’t hurt to try things out. You honestly never know the outcome of something if you don’t try it out, and that’s what keeps me going.

That’s what keeps me going to have this want of creating new relationships: that being social and being yourself with people who vibe with you well and give you some great energy is such a great feeling. You never know the type of people you’ll meet if you don’t put yourself out there! I recently met a really cool person from campus that literally has some of the same interests as me, which never friggin’ happened in my life, and I wouldn’t have known that or got that connection with another person if I wasn’t bold enough to pursue this person as a friend.

I’m slowly learning that the only way to beat your social anxiety is to challenge it: challenge your fears, challenge that inner voice in your head that is hoping you fail, literally challenge everything that is telling you that you can’t do it. Because you can, and do it so friggin’ well. 

So take that chance, you honestly have nothing to lose! The only thing you’re losing out on is a new opportunity to make some new memories and some new adventures.

 

Music Featured/Mentioned in this Episode:

Featured:

1. Bad Boy (English Version) by Red Velvet
2. What Time Is It Now? by VICTON
3. Meaningless by WOODZ

Mentioned:

1. Happiness by Red Velvet
2. Dumb Dumb by Red Velvet
3. Ice Cream Cake by Red Velvet
4. Peek-a-Boo by Red Velvet
5. RBB by Red Velvet
6. Zimzalabim by Red Velvet
7. Umpah Umpah by Red Velvet
8. Red Flavor by Red Velvet
9. Psycho by Red Velvet
10. I’m Fine by VICTON
11. Voice to New World (Album) by VICTON
12. Nostalgic Night by VICTON
13. DIFFERENT by WOODZ
14. POOL by WOODZ