The Something Series: 뭔가 다른 것

Something Spontaneous and Sexy: A Jamie Monologue.

liz

The one thing that I realized in the 5 months Grace has been pregnant is that while I find her to be sexy, Grace believes otherwise.

It was no surprise that at any given moment, when Grace and I were alone, I wanted to be physically close to her. I wanted to hold her and kiss her, and eventually pick her up by her waist and carry her back to our room. That was our routine at first, especially on the days that we both came home from work stressed, and the weekends after we dropped off Willow back at her father’s house.

When we first found out that she was pregnant, Grace was an animal. At any given moment, she wanted to have sex; while we cooked dinner, as we did laundry, even before her OBGYN appointments. As time passed and she started showing, she didn’t initiate it the way she used to, and every time I tried, she wasn’t in the mood. I also didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable than she was already with this pregnancy, so needless to say, it’s been a while since Grace and I actually did the deed. Which is hard already, considering the fact that I find myself even more attracted to her as the days pass.

“Do you think they got lost?” Grace asked as she looked out the apartment window. I looked up at her as I was setting the table for tonight’s game night. She turned around and looked at me with a nervous look.

“Shawn and Sky know exactly where we live,” I began to say, putting down the stack of games on the table. “Maybe they’re stuck in traffic.” Shawn and Skylar were in New York, helping her father get settled in his new place. He figured he wanted to stay close to his brother, Grace’s father, and to be closer to his family. Shawn and Sky have been planning to get an apartment in New York as well, to be closer to Skylar’s dad. It wasn’t long after that that the doorbell rang, and I walked over and answered it for Grace. Shawn and Skylar stood there, getting themselves together as if they had run across Central Park to get here.

“Hi!” Skylar said, straightening out her hair with her hands. Shawn also puts on a huge smile, clearly hiding something. The couple walked in, with Skylar walking towards Grace to greet her. Shawn stopped near me, clearing his throat.

“Ya, what took you guys so long?” I asked.

“Oh, Sky and I were stuck in traffic,” Shawn quickly said. Sheesh, he’s such a horrible liar.

“Yeah?” I began to say, straightening his inverted collar outwards. “Did you guys fight a pack of street rats on your way?” Shawn laughed way too loudly, which was always what gave him away when he lied.

“You are so funny!”

“Shawn,” I deadpanned, crossing my arms along my chest. “What really happened?” Shawn’s face began to turn red, knowing he got busted.

“Do you really want to know?” Shawn warned. When I don’t answer back and keep looking at him in the face, he ultimately sighs and gets closer to me. “Sky and I… you know…” Aigoo.

“Ya, Shawn!” I reacted, waving him away to stop.

“What? We’re all adults here in love,” he began to explain. “And it’s the truth. Sky and I had sex before coming here.” Asking Shawn to be honest about anything meant that I was going to get every single detail, whether or not it was even appropriate to share with others. The last thing I want is a mental picture of his my best friend and my girlfriend’s cousin fuc–

“Jamie!” I hear Skylar call my name. “How dare you let your pregnant girlfriend wait to eat because of us!” I walked over to the two women, giving Grace a smirk as I walked by.

“If you guys weren’t running almost an hour late, Grace wouldn’t have needed to wait,” I began to say. I turned around and looked at both Skylar and Shawn. “I mean, what possibly could have made a 15-minute commute a 45-minute one…” Skylar’s eyes widen, looking over at Shawn. He immediately follows me into the kitchen area, avoiding the intense stare of his wife.

“Hyung,” Shawn whispered. “You know Sky’s gonna kill me now for telling her business.”

“Listen, that’s on you,” I laughed, beginning to prepare a plate of food for Grace. Shawn walks over to make one for Skylar. “But seriously, you guys couldn’t wait to do your business when you got back to your place?”

“It’s hard,” Shawn pleaded. “Sky’s super hot, and whenever she wants it, I have to give it to her.” Another mental picture I do not need playing in my head. “You’re acting like you and Grace don’t have those spontaneous, sexy times.” I don’t say anything back; I continued to put Grace’s plate together. I guess the silence bothered Shawn. “You guys do have sex, right?” How do I even answer a question like that without– “Oh my god.”

“What?” I questioned, now looking at Shawn.

“When was the last time you and Grace had sex?” I would honestly need to look back on my calendar to give an exact time.

“That is none of your business,” I scolded, about to walk back into the living room when Shawn stepped in front of me. “Shawn.”

“You don’t remember the last time you guys had sex, don’t you?” Shawn asked. At this point, it wasn’t even worth trying to dismiss; Shawn made it his mission to have this conversation right now.

“It’s… been a while,” I said, trying to not give out any detailed information.

“A while? Like a couple of days?” No answer. “Weeks?” No answer. “Months?!”

“Ya,” I said, trying to quiet Shawn down. I sighed before I continued. “She’s been uncomfortable with the pregnancy and everything. I don’t want to make her even more uncomfortable.”

“Aren’t pregnant women prone to being really horny though?”

“Really, what?”

“Horny,” Shawn repeated. “Ah, I mean… uhm…heungbunhan.” I hold the bridge of my nose with my fingers, really wanting to end this exchange right now.

“I don’t know, Shawn! All I know is that if Grace doesn’t want it, I’m not going to push her to do it–“

“Are you not feeling attracted to her?” I scoffed at Shawn’s question; it was the silliest thing he could ask me.

“The opposite,” I began to say. “I feel like I’m even more attracted to Grace being pregnant.” It was Shawn now making that “TMI” expression on his face. “If I could, I would take–“

“Okay, okay; I get it,” Shawn interrupted. “So, what’s holding you back?”

“Grace. She doesn’t see herself the way that I do, as if she doesn’t believe me when I actually say she’s sexy.” It was a constant battle to get Grace in the mood; not because she didn’t feel the same way about me, but because she couldn’t see herself being desirable to me. If only she knew I would rip–

“Maybe you need to be spontaneous about it,” Shawn suggested. “Don’t let her dictate how the night is going to go. Make her feel like you still see her as sexy, pregnant or not.”

“I don’t want to force her to have sex with me, Shawn,” I immediately defended. “If she’s uncomfortable–“

“She probably doesn’t want you to know she’s uncomfortable, hyung. A woman wants to feel desired and loved by her man, and to take control of the situation when she feels too shy to do it on her own.” I cocked my eyebrow up, wondering where Shawn got all of this from.

“What, you’re now a love doctor?” I scoffed. Shawn shrugged his shoulders, taking the plate he had made for Skylar in his hands.

“I’m a changed man, hyung,” Shawn responded. “The married life has changed me.” I shook my head, about to walk out of the kitchen and back to the women in the living room. A part of me felt like Shawn was right. It was obvious that Grace knew that I knew how she felt about her body changing these last couple of months. Maybe she’s been waiting for me to prove her wrong and take control of the situation. Being spontaneous was something I was not known for doing, but maybe trying it out for one night would show Grace that she’s just as beautiful and desirable now as she was back then. I will show Grace just how sexy I still see her.

…

The apartment is dark. Two candles are burning on top of the dining room table, and soft music plays gently in the background. I hear Grace’s keys jingling against the door, letting in the light from the hallway into the apartment. Her silhouette is seen standing at the door, the light hitting her body in every perfect angle.

“Jamie?” She calls out for me. Music to my ears. I turn on the small lamp next to the chair I’m sitting in, directly facing Grace’s direction, waiting for her. She looks at me with a surprised look on her face. “Jamie?”

“Welcome home, jagiya,” I said, slowly getting up from the chair. Grace stands there, still confused. I gently kiss her cheek and assist her in taking off her jacket.

“What is all of this?” Grace asked as she walked further into the apartment. She looks around before sitting on the couch.

“Just something I decided to put together,” I said, walking to Grace. I sat on the ottoman across from her, lifting her left leg up to unbuckle the heels she had on. Grace watched intently, almost as if she didn’t want to say anything to interrupt the moment. She groaned in relief once the first heel was off her foot. I immediately lifted her right leg, taking off the heel from that foot. I gently started to massage her feet, watching Grace throw her head back on the couch.

“Oh my god, that feels amazing,” Grace commented, picking her head up to watch me. I smirk at her, enjoying seeing Grace relax like this. “Did I miss something important today?” I laughed and shook my head.

“No, no,” I said, looking up at her. I could tell that Grace was on her feet for most of the day today; her feet were extremely tense to begin with. She had attended the open house for her dance academy, and if there’s one thing I know about Grace, it’s the fact that she will put 100% of herself into her passions. I still can’t believe just how amazing a woman Grace is. “Tonight, we are celebrating you.”

“Me?” Grace pointed at herself and sat up once I was finished massaging her feet. I stop her before she can get up, grabbing her slippers from the side of the couch. Grace looks at me with this look, impressed.

“Yes, you,” I said in a low voice, helping her off the couch. I kissed her neck gently as she leaned her head on my shoulder, trying to keep it together. I directly speak to her neck, kissing it almost after every other word. “We’re celebrating your successful open house at the academy. We are celebrating everything you’ve accomplished…” I gently caressed her chin with my hand, lifting her head up to look at me. “We are celebrating the life you are creating.”

“Hey, you helped too,” Grace teased back. I smiled, kissing her on the lips gently.

“But you’re doing all the work,” I said to her lips. I kissed her deeper this time, feeling Grace melt on my lips. “And to do it while being the most beautiful, sexiest woman takes true talent.” I took Grace by the hand, leading her to the dining room table. I pulled out a chair for her, guiding her down slowly as she sat. She watched my every move, going to the kitchen and grabbing two plates of food, and placing them on top of the table.

She looked down at the plate and gasped, excitedly. “You made bulgogi?!”

“I know you specifically like the way I make it,” I started to say, pouring her a sparkling drink. “And some sparkling raspberry lemonade; the best of both cultures.” Grace giggled as she picked up her chopsticks to eat.

She quickly put her chopsticks down and looked at me. “Jamie.”

“Yes, jagiya?”

“What is the meaning of all of this?”

“There is no meaning,” I responded, beginning to eat the dinner. “How was your day?” Grace looked at me before picking up her chopsticks again to eat, seeming to finally play along.

“It went well,” Grace began to explain. “We had a lot of prospective students come and see the studio, my Aunt Jennifer was there for moral support. And the girls put on a great number for the performance aspect of the event.” I loved it when I was able to see Grace visibly get excited over something. That never changed about Grace, whether she was talking about a case she worked on while she was in the firm, or a dance she taught her dancers at the studio. “How about you? Were you busy putting all of this together?”

“Ne, maja; that is correct,” I said, smiling at her. “My only objective was to make tonight as perfect as the person it’s for.” I could see Grace blushing, covering a smile with her hand as she ate. Dinner went by pretty fast; Grace had finished her plate of food way before I did. I know just how hungry agi has made Grace feel these last couple of weeks since entering her second trimester. After dinner, Grace and I went back to sit on the couch, talking about everything and anything she wanted to. Every now and then, she’d rub her belly with her hand; every time she did that, it made the butterflies in my stomach act up. I eventually join her, placing my hand on top of hers.

“I was grateful that Baby was calm for the open house,” Grace mentioned. “Between my nervousness and constant heartburn, I swore I was going to have to leave early.”

“Ya, agi,” I spoke to Grace’s stomach. “What did we say about giving eomma a hard time when she’s working?” Grace giggled as she watched. Immediately, I felt the baby kick. It completely took me off guard. I looked up at Grace in utter shock. “Did you feel that?! Of course, you felt that; that was a stupid question.”

“They’ve been pretty active lately,” Grace said, holding her belly as I stared down at it. “I think they can hear you.” I couldn’t help but feel incredibly giddy in this moment. I knew this moment would come one day; the moment that everything finally feels real. Grace and I are really having a baby, and that baby is moving around underneath my hand. I couldn’t help myself at this point; I immediately kissed Grace in a passion, feeling so turned on by her. The kiss turns into a make-out session, and my hands are exploring her body. I bite down on her bottom lip, pulling it with my teeth as a little moan comes out of her. She’s driving me crazy.

She looks at me with low eyes, trying to catch her breath. “Jamie.”

“Yes, jagiya?” I kiss her jawline before looking at her. I can see Grace contemplating this next move.

“I, uhm–“

“Grace,” I said in a more serious tone. “You don’t even know how hard I am holding myself back from ripping you out of that dress.” Grace’s eyes widen, surprised at my honesty. I rubbed my thumb against the spot I bit on her lip, hoping I didn’t draw any blood.

“Jamie,” Grace said, shocked. I smiled at her, taking in her beauty. I don’t know what I did to deserve a woman like Grace, but I felt the need to show just how grateful I am to be the man who gets to love her. “What has gotten into you?” She playfully teased back.

“Let me put it this way, jagiya,” I said, finally sitting up to face her. “The way your body is creating a life as a result of two people being madly in love with each other; it’s the hottest thing you’ve done.” Grace giggled, slightly blushing as her response.

“Are you saying you like me better pregnant?” she asked. I shook my head.

“Not better,” I said, gently kissing her lips. “Just as much.” I caressed her body to get it closer to mine, tracing my index finger down the side of her belly. I can feel her tense up when I do, about to take control of the situation. Not today, jagiya.

“Nuh-uh,” I whispered as I kissed her lips softly. “Trust me when I say that I still think you’re hot, sexy, and know just how to keep me turned on.”

“Jamie,” Grace nervously laughed, adjusting herself to look at me. “I’m a walking hot air balloon. I’m achy all the time, and I’m starting to wobble as I walk. I am everything but attractive right now.”

“That is where you are wrong,” I responded. “I’m fascinated that more and more each day, your body changes. I know you may feel uncomfortable, and you probably don’t feel as sexy as you did before getting pregnant. I think you’re even more sexy, and all I want is to show you what you do to me.” I lift Grace up from beside me, placing her on top of my lap, facing me. I give her one last kiss before I look at her with a devilish smile. “Hold on, beautiful.” I get up from the couch, my arms grab a hold of Grace by her hips. She gasped and wrapped her arms around my neck.

“Oh my God Jamie,” Grace said, stunned. I adjust her on me, cupping her butt with my hands. I carried her towards the wall next to the bedroom door. Her back is now pressed against the wall as I begin to send her kisses from her neck to her chest, loving the flustered color it’s turning.

“Neo jeongmal segsihae,” I said, kissing her jaw before looking directly in her eyes. She looks at me with a bewildered look. It’s a cross between “oh my god, what has gotten into Jamie” and “Fuck me already, Jamie”. I choose to listen to the ladder.

I open our bedroom door with Grace still in my arms, and immediately place her on the bed. I kissed her as I began to unbuckle my pants; her hands finding the hem of my sweater and started lifting it up. I helped her finish, exposing my bare chest to her. She immediately traces her hand down my chest; my body burning for her touch. I take her leg and put it over my shoulder, leading kisses up her leg. She watches me, breathing heavily and completely in awe. I travel up her body, looking at her directly in the eyes as I take her underwear off. She tries to sit up, but I immediately shake my head, placing a finger on her mouth.

“Ya“, I said in a deep voice. I kissed her, tracing my hands along the hem of the dress. “Remind me to take you shopping for a new dress.” I grip the dress by the neckline, and instead of just unbuttoning the dress, I rip it open. Buttons fly all over the room. Grace gasps, watching me. She was trying to find the words to speak. I could see the thoughts in her head as if they were translucent. “I did say I was going to show you; did I not?” Grace simply nods her head, watching me as I unhook her bra, exposing her breasts. My eyes look at her in lust. “Let me show just how hot, sexy, and beautiful you are, jagiya.”

Grace’s breathy moans were addicting. I could tell she was holding herself back for the sake of our neighbors. I wasn’t making it any easier for her, pushing her to her absolute limit just so that I could hear her enjoying it.

“Jamie–“

“I can’t hear you…”

“Please,” Grace pleaded in a breathy whisper. I kissed up and down her neck, groaning into it as I did. God, she feels so perfect. My hands trace down the side of her body, pulling her leg up to get in deeper. She finally gasps out loud as it echoes through the bedroom.

“Much better,” I whispered into her ear as her back fell into my chest. I continue to play with her, showing her a side of me that she has never seen before, and a side I never knew I had in me. “Let them hear all the beautiful noises that come out of that pretty mouth of yours.” Just to motivate her a little more, I started getting deeper and deeper, seeing just how much she could take me in.

“Oh my god,” Grace shouts, turning her head to look at me. I can see it all over her face, the sheer shock, excitement, and arousal she is experiencing. Her hair is spread wild on the bed, and with my right hand, I pull it, making Grace arch her back more against me. “Yes,” she said as her voice cracked. I kissed her softly on her jawline, breathing heavy into her neck. I couldn’t help myself anymore, to the point where the atmosphere took me over. I quickly pulled out and got up from our bed.

Grace lay back, watching me walk to the front of the bed with my eyes never off of her. I got a good grip of her legs and pulled her close to me, spreading them open. I slowly go back in, watching Grace bite her lip and arch her back in utter bliss. She was completely aroused; her breasts were perked up; her nipples were hard. I leaned in and gently placed my mouth on her right breast, toying with her. It drove me crazy when Grace began petting me, tussling my hair after every breathy moan she let out. I looked up at her before traveling from her chest, down to her stomach, kissing it softly.

“Aigoo, you’re so beautiful,” I say to Grace, my lips brushing against her stomach. I stand back up, putting my index and middle fingers close to her mouth. To my surprise, she opens her mouth and accepts my fingers, licking them with her tongue and slowly pulling them out of her mouth. It was a beautiful sight to see Grace get into it, showing me just how fucking sexy she is.

I take my hand and place it just below her stomach, looking at her for confirmation. “May I?” She quickly nodded her head yes. “Uri gongjunimeul wihaeseoramyeon mueosideun.” Anything for my princess. I go down deeper and begin playing with her with my fingers while also still being inside her. Grace’s head snaps back, as her arch was even higher than it was previously. The filth coming out of her mouth sounded more like spoken word poetry, a sentiment that I wouldn’t mind hearing more often. Fuck me harder. Baby, don’t stop. Your dick is so fucking big. That last one drove me insane.

I feel myself closer and closer to finishing, pumping into Grace hard as the headboard hits the wall with every thrust. Grace’s moans got louder; each one more arousing than the last. I grab her by her hips, slamming her against me harder and harder. I couldn’t keep my own mouth shut; it was like I needed to let her know just how crazed she was making me. You’re taking me so well, beautiful. You feel so fucking good on me. You’re so perfect. That last one, I looked at her while saying it, watching her breasts jump from each pump.

“Jamie,” Grace moaned out, her mouth gaping open. “Oh my god, I’m–“

“Nuh-uh,” I leaned in, kissing her lips softly. “You have to wait for me.”

“Jamie,” she dragged out my name in desperation. “Please–“

“Please what?”

“I… can’t…” Grace said, grinding her teeth together and shutting her eyes.

“Jagiya,” I teased. “No, no; look at me.” Grace opens her eyes, which, more than anything, tells me she’s ready. “Please what?”

“Cum for me,” She finally said out loud, looking directly into my eyes. The devilish smirk reveals itself for one last time.

“Not until you do so first,” I said, standing back up and turning Grace’s head with my hand, facing the vanity mirror. “Watch as I finish showing you just how hot and sexy you are.” From there, there was no turning back. I continued pounding Grace onto me, sweat dripping down my face, looking down at her as she watched through the mirror. Her moans begin to line up to mine, my body beginning to feel completely numb. If this wasn’t the best sex Grace and I had, I don’t know what is.

“Oh fuck,” I let out, finally releasing myself into her. “Grace,” I moaned out. She let out possibly the most angelic moan out of her body, feeling her finish on me. I lean on her slightly, catching my breath as I look at her. She turns her head to look at me, and gasps one last time as I go in deeper, letting her know in a way that if I could, I’d do it again. Over and over and over again.

The Junior Journals.

Adventures of Rondrigo & Kamaloser: Milo’s Journal.

liz

It got harder to write good music these days. I had a lot of things I needed to release, but it felt like they just didn’t want to reveal themselves to the world. The garbage can at the corner of the rehearsal room was now a hoop for the paper I crumbled up into a ball after every bad idea was written down.

I sighed, playing different chords on the guitar trying to get something down. I don’t know how my dad did this for years with his band growing up. What was his muse?

Before I could get any deeper in thought, I hear a knock on the rehearsal door. I sighed.

“It’s taken,” I shouted, continuing to play random chords. Someone still knocked on the door, which began to bother me. I got up from my seat, walking toward the door to open it.

“It’s taken–” I said before noticing Ronnie. She looked just as surprised to see me in this room. “Sorry, Ronnie. I didn’t realize it was you.”

“It’s cool; I thought Mollie was with you today,” she said. Before she could completely turn around, I cleared my throat to speak.

“You can still hang out if you want,” I suggested, opening the rehearsal door. Ronnie looked at me before looking inside the rehearsal room.

“Sure,” Ronnie began to say. “I don’t have anywhere else to be during lunch…” I closed the rehearsal room as Ronnie placed her things down on a seat. I walked back to where I was, picking up my guitar and playing random chords.

“Mr. Harrison has you already prepping stuff for the year?” she asked, opening her bookbag on her lap.

“No, no; I’m just playing random shit,” I said, putting the guitar down to face Ronnie. “My dad suggested that I pick up a new hobby this year. He said it’s important to have extracurricular activities on my college applications.”

“More activities? Isn’t being a dual major already enough to check that bullet point off?”

“You would think,” I scoffed, closing my notebook full of scribbled lyrics. “But if I’m planning to go to Juilliard or somewhere with a good music program, they want more than just what I do in school.”

“That’s stupid.” I couldn’t help but laugh at Ronnie’s straightforward answer. Ronnie had picked up a ton of Mollie’s lingo over the years, considering how much time they’ve spent together. In some way, Ronnie had become Mollie’s best friend in the time that she and I were not. If anything, I’m glad Mollie had Ronnie to lean on during that time.

“My dad suggested creating a band,” I said as I rolled my eyes.

“A band? That’s original.”

“He had a band when he was my age; him and his friends did it so I guess he thinks it’ll work for me.”

“Who would you even include in this band? You’d need a drummer, a bassist, lead guitarist, main vocalist, a sound engineer–“

“Whoa there, Ron,” I stopped her, feeling anxious about the thought. “I’m not committing to this idea. I don’t even know what type of music to play for this theoretical band.” I looked at Ronnie’s stuff as I spoke, noticing her instrument case. Ronnie played in the brass section; saxophone to be exact. “Do you play other instruments besides the sax?”

Ronnie looked confused. “Huh?”

“I mean, I know you play the sax for band, but do you play anything else outside of school?” Ronnie folded her arms across her chest, squinting her eyes at me suspiciously.

“If this is your way of interviewing me for your band; I’m not interested.”

“Can’t a guy get to know his best friend’s girl best friend?” I teased. Ronnie rolled her eyes as she smirked, sighing before she answered.

“I do; electric guitar,” she answered. Whoa.

“Shut up; really?” I said, shocked. “My dad has been trying to teach me to play for the longest time, but with vocal and band I just don’t have the time.”

“My mom taught me when I was a kid. She was the guitarist in her friend’s band, so I grew up around music; no shock.”

“That sounds epic,” I responded, genuinely intrigued with this new information about Ronnie. “So why not try not for the contemporary band program?”

“I practically grew up with a sax in my hand,” Ronnie joked. “I knew how to play sax long before I was good at guitar.” Ronnie squinted her eyes once more, seeming suspicious of me. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you all of a sudden interested in what I play?” I could feel my face getting hot, not realizing just how forward Ronnie was. She was a different type of girl than the ones I knew; much different than Sophie. But, I couldn’t help but feel intrigued in getting to know Ronnie better, especially after basically hanging out with her and the rest of the gang over the summer.

…

“Well gang, it’s been good but I have to get going before my uncle rips me a new one,” Davy said, walking to the corner of the street. Jonah, Mollie, Ronnie, and I stood at the corner behind him.

“I should get going too,” Jonah said, turning around to face Mollie. “Plus, Aunt Lydia told me to make sure you get back home before curfew.” Mollie rolled her eyes at him.

“Dude, what did you do this time?” I jokingly said. Mollie nudged my shoulder, sucking her teeth.

“I’m pretty much grounded for the entire summer after–” Mollie began to say before Ronnie intervened.

“So, you and Jonah are going back toward Brooklyn?” Ronnie asked. I looked over at her, fidgeting with her fingers.

“I can walk with you if you want,” I suggested. Ronnie looked at me, scrunching her eyebrows.

“Why would I want that?” Ronnie fought back.

“Because it’s late and Jonah is taking Mollie home.”

“And?”

“Dude, just let him walk you home,” Mollie spat out at Ronnie. She turned around and shouted back at Mollie; typical for two girl friends with strong personalities. Before things got too heated, Jonah stepped in between the two girls.

“Relax! Mol, start walking; Ronnie, go with Milo!” The two girls rolled their eyes and listened knowing it took Jonah a lot for him to take control of situations like this.

Ronnie and I didn’t talk for most of the bus ride back home. It felt weird to only be around Ronnie, considering she was Mollie’s best friend these days. Maybe she felt weird that I’m back in the picture? Maybe she’s just being a really good friend and protecting Mollie from getting even more hurt.

I looked over at Ronnie as she looked out the bus window.

“Ron–“

“Just because you and Mollie are cool again doesn’t mean I have to be cool with you,” she bluntly said. She finally turned her head and looked at me. “Especially after everything she’s been through.”

“You’re absolutely right,” I said. Ronnie looked at me in an uneasy type of way. “Is there more to that?”

“Nope. I’m just looking out for my friend.” She turned her head around, back toward the window. I sighed, knowing I had to make this right; not for me, but for Mollie’s sake.

“We’re just both looking out for our friend–“

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Ronnie spun around and said to me. “You think just because you guys made up and the past is the past doesn’t mean that what was done and said didn’t happen. You didn’t have to hear and console Mollie at her lowest this summer. You got her when she was in a better place, a place that her friends helped her get in.”

“I’m not fighting that,” I began to explain. “I can’t imagine what Mollie went through with her ex earlier this summer, and I’m glad that she had a solid friend group for support. I’m just trying to be Mol’s friend again after all of this nonsense that got in our way–“

“She told me.” I looked at Ronnie, confused by what she meant. She looked at me, her eyes soft now. “About you and Sophie.” Of course she would tell Ronnie. “I’m sorry that things didn’t work out for you guys.”

“It’s fine,” I said, letting out a deep breath. “The past is the past.” Ronnie looked at me, but didn’t say anything after that.

…

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” I answered back. Ronnie cocks an eyebrow up, looking down at the notebook in my hand. “What?”

“It’s giving unsolicited therapist,” Ronnie joked. I couldn’t help but laugh, which made her laugh out loud as well.

“That’s a good one, Ron-drigo.”

“Did you just combined my first and last name into a pet name?”

“Oh please! Like you haven’t called me ‘Kamaloser’ before!” Ronnie threw her head back and laughed. She had a loud laugh; one that filled an empty room. It was comforting. The bell rang, which meant our lunch period was over. Both Ronnie and I gathered our stuff, about to go our separate ways for the rest of the day. Before I turned around the corner, I heard Ronnie call me by that exact nickname.

“Kamaloser!” Stupidly, I responded back to it. “If you’re still looking to learn electric guitar, I can help you out with that.” I looked at Ronnie and nodded.

“You know where to find me, Rondrigo.” I turned back around, my head in deep thought during the hallway passing. It was nice for Ronnie to offer lessons; it was much better than having my dad stop me after every chord, shouting how wrong the note would sound. Plus, Ron’s sorta cool.

Before I can look up and turn the corner, I bumped into a person coming from the other direction. I dropped my lyrics notebook on the ground; pages are spread along the ground.

“Sorry–” I hear a girl’s voice say. I immediately looked up, seeing her for the first time in a really long time. We locked eyes for a slight second before another guy’s voice breaks us out of it.

“Soph?” I turned around and see Allen call out for her. Sophie quickly turned away and walked toward Allen, not even bothering to look back at me.

y2katalogue: The Tapes

Tape #54: Didn’t See This Coming.

liz

Jennifer and Milo sit at their usual spot at the pizza parlor; the tension is thick in the air. They sit across from one another, which is out of the ordinary for them as they typically sit on the same side of the booth.

Nothing is said between them until the waiter comes to their table and delivers them their pizza orders. Jennifer is the one to thank the waiter and smile before he walks away from the table. The smile fades once she looks at Milo.

Milo: *sighs* So…

Jennifer: I’m not about to sit here and pry the information out of you, so you might as well just tell me what happened.

Milo takes a moment to look at Jennifer. When she realizes that she is not budging, he gives up and sighs.

Milo: Gwen and I started out as friends in band class. We’re both in the strings section, and we started to talk simply to rehearse our music.

Jennifer: *annoyed* Get to the point, Milo–

Milo: Can you just let me talk everything out?

Jennifer’s hard face softens and doesn’t say anything. Milo looks at her in a pleading way. He nervously fidgets with his fingers, unable to touch his pizza slice.

Milo: We started to get to know each other. We would hang out on the days that we didn’t have band practice or rehearsals at school. Despite what you may think, Pep… I know Gwen.

When Jennifer doesn’t reply back, Milo continues to speak.

Milo: We shared things about each other that were personal because we trust each other, and… things just got complicated–

Jennifer: Complicated?

Milo: Complicated, Pep.

Jennifer stares Milo down, seeing that the expression on his face is serious.

Jennifer: You guys were friends, and then started to get feelings for each other…

Milo nodded. Jennifer bites the inner part of her lip, not knowing what else to say.

Milo: It was during Spring Break, when my parents were away on their business trip. I invited her over to my house and… yeah…

Milo shifts in his seat, seeming uncomfortable. He looks at Jennifer, reads the expression on her face as… sad. Disappointed, even.

Milo: One thing led to another. We weren’t thinking straight and now Gwen is pregnant and–

Jennifer: So what are you gonna do?

The question takes Milo off-guard. He expected screaming, yelling, and arguing back and forth. To see her just sit there and simply talk to him, it makes him nervous.

Jennifer: You’re gonna get rid of it, right?

Milo: What?

Jennifer: You’re not gonna keep it, are you? That would be stupid.

Milo: *offended* Stupid?

Jennifer: Yeah?

Milo doesn’t say anything; he simply leans back in his seat, getting pale in the face. Jennifer doesn’t notice it right away, but when Milo doesn’t say anything back, she widens her eyes in disbelief.

Jennifer: You guys are keeping it.

Milo’s confirmation comes with just a single look at Jennifer. She shakes her head, beginning to gather her things to leave.

Milo: Pep–

Milo reaches out for Jennifer’s hand. She looks down at it, and then back at him.

Milo: Please.

Jennifer is speechless; unable to form a complete sentence.

Milo: You’re the only one I can trust.

Jennifer’s mind is spinning with different thoughts, not able to stay grounded and focused at this moment. She’s holding back tears by tightening her lips together, not showing any emotion to her best friend.

Milo: Pep?

Jennifer: You guys will be stupid for keeping it.

Milo: Wh…what?

Jennifer: You’re 15. You just met this girl this past year and now you’re willing to just ruin your life and bring a kid into the world?

Milo: *defensive* The same way you just met Danny and decided to do what you did with him in the 8th grade?

Jennifer: I wasn’t stupid enough to become a teen parent though.

Milo doesn’t know what else to say. He lets go of Jennifer’s hand and gets up from his seat, throwing money on the table before sliding out of the booth.

Milo: And you wonder why I don’t come to tell you things anymore, because you’re nothing but a lousy best friend.

Before Jennifer can respond, Milo walks out of the pizza parlor, leaving her sitting in the booth by herself.

…

Jennifer enters the house, slamming the front door along the way. Her mom and Justin are sitting on the sofa together, jumping to the thump of the door slamming shut. The adults watch Jennifer walk by them in the living room, wondering what was happening.

Jennifer walks up the stairs and into her bedroom, slamming the door shut. She slams her body onto her bed, face into her pillow, and screams. It follows with a heaving cry. A cry of heartache.

The Unwritten Pages.

The Day of Danny & Nic’s Baby Shower: Written by Milo.

liz

I buttoned up the last few buttons of my pink colored Polo shirt, as I truly believe Nic and Danny were having a mini-Nicki on their hands. I tied my locs up in a ponytail, preparing for another hot summer day.

“Dad,” Milo barged into my room in a panic. “Do you know where my music bag is?” I turned around, looking at him standing there.

“It would be in your room.”

“It’s not in there.”

“Did you check?” I asked, already knowing he didn’t.

“It’s not in there, dad,” Milo whined, panicking even more. “Mollie put her ballet shoes in my music bag when I was at her house and now she’s all like ‘where are my shoes’ and if I don’t find this bag with her ballet shoes in them, she’ll–“

“Milo,” I stopped him in his tracks. “Take a deep breath, bud.” I only continued once he actually let out a deep breath. “I know it’s somewhere in your room because I was the one that put it in there after you left it near the front door again.” Milo stood there with nothing else left to say. He turned around and sprinted out of my room. I shook my head, raising Milo has not been an easy task.

After dropping Milo off at Mollie’s house for the day, I start driving up to Valley Stream to Danny and Nicki’s house. I was nervous attending their baby shower, knowing that I was going to see a lot of people that we went to Waverly High with. God forbid I see Pep there… I don’t think she’d make the trip though for that.

In an attempt to try to get us talking to each other, Danny and Nicki always mentioned how every time they try to invite Pep to their house, she refuses to come back to New York. That bothered me, knowing that her family would love to get to see her every now and then and never would visit them. I would hate to be the reason why she wouldn’t come back, knowing that once she does, there’s no avoiding me, or Milo.

Before I knew it, I got to Danny and Nicki’s house. I walked toward their front door with their gift in my hand, and rang the doorbell. Danny answered the door.

“Milo,” Danny greeted as he pulled me into a hug. “Thanks for coming, dude!” I walked into their decorated house filled with blue and pink balloons, and some shaped as baby pacifiers. If I knew anything about Nicki, it was that she was going to go all out for their first child.

“Of course,” I smiled, walking down the hallway to where the rest of the party was. Nicki’s family were at one side of the room, talking to other party guests. I see some people from high school, all grown up into their own and nothing like the way they were 10 years ago.

Nicki gets up from one of the seats, smiling from ear to ear. She immediately pulled me into a hug.

“Milo!” She said happily. I hug Nicki tight, finally realizing that we were no longer the kids in the same 1st grade class, but now adults doing adult things in this world. “I’m sorry for being mean to you when we were younger. I never thought that the kid I used to bully in 1st grade would now be at my baby shower, welcoming my first baby and—” I pat her gently on the back, calming her down knowing the waterworks were about to start.

“Nic,” I reassured her, looking at Danny.

“Babe, let Milo sit down,” Danny suggested. Nicki immediately let go of me.

“Right! I’m sorry, my brain is all over the place today,” she explained, walking over to a few vacant seats in the main room.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” I said, sitting down next to Nicki and Danny.

“Was Gwen as emotional when she was pregnant with Milo?” Nicki asked.

“Very,” I answered. “Especially toward the end of it.” Nicki took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, as if she was processing just how far along she was. Someone called out Nicki’s name, excusing herself from both Danny and I.

“How are you holding up?” I asked. Danny’s visual expression on his face told the entire story.

“It’s… been a lot,” Danny said. “Seeing all these people here to celebrate us is…nerve wrecking. And then preparing for the baby’s arrival and—”

“Breathe, dude,” I reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “It’s all new to you two. It’s going to be scary and overwhelming, but you guys are at a good place in life. I mean, you have the support system to welcome your baby.” Danny smiled and nodded his head, nudging me in the shoulder.

“Thanks, dude. I’m glad that you’re a part of our support system.”

“Of course I would be,” I began to say. “Who else is going to be Uncle Milo?”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Danny said, standing up from his seat. “Once the party is over and everyone’s left, do you mind staying back for a few? Nic and I wanted to ask you something.” I nodded my head, agreeing but confused at what it could possibly be. Nevertheless, The party was beautiful, and both Nicki and Danny announced that they were having a girl, Daniela would be her name.

…

I helped clean up the main room area with Danny, as Nicki greeted the party guests out of the house. Danny kept turning his head toward the door, watching it every once in awhile. At some point, he immediately just stood there staring at the door, noticeably distracted by something.

“Bro,” I called out to him. Danny faced me, pretending I had his attention this entire time. “Nicki isn’t going to go into labor at the front door or something.”

“No, no; I know,” Danny quickly said as he continued to clean up. Danny was acting weird throughout the party; I deemed it as just nervousness at first, but maybe it was something that I should be questioning. I shrugged it off, hearing Nicki say goodbye to the last set of people. I heard the front door closed, and pitter patter from Nicki’s fuzzy slippers.

“Thanks for helping out, Milo,” Nicki said as she sat on the couch. I could tell how tired she was after today; I don’t blame her, I would be too after the amount of people that were here today. Danny walked over to Nicki, rubbing her shoulders as he stood behind the couch.

“That’s what friends do,” I said, tying the last garbage bag up. “Plus, Danny told me to hang back for something that he has not told me just yet.” Nicki turned her head and looked up at Danny. Danny continued to rub her shoulders and said nothing. “Something tells me this is bad news.”

“No,” Nicki quickly said, placing her hand on top of her stomach. “Absolutely not. Why would we ruin our baby shower and share bad news?”

“Because you guys have horrible poker faces,” I said, more jokingly than being serious. The doorbell rang, which made all three of us face at that direction. Nicki got up, and walked to the front door. I look at Danny, who looks like he’s sweating in literal puddles.

“Guess somebody forgot something,” I said, turning around to open the sliding door to take out the trash. It wasn’t until I turned around and heard a familiar voice; one that I haven’t heard in a long time. That’s when I saw her, standing with Nicki in the middle of the main room.

I shouldn’t have been surprised, but in that moment I was shocked. It was like I was looking at a hologram rather than an actual person. It was Pep.

Nicki was the first person to speak, clearing her throat before she did. “Now that everyone who is needed is here–“

“Nic,” Pep said, looking at Nicki. Pep’s hair was still curly, but now so much shorter. She’s not wearing her glasses, and it looks like she has a slight summer tan from the North Carolina heat.

“Dude,” I said to Danny as he wipes his face with a paper towel. Nicki pulls Pep into the seat next to her at the same time Danny pulls me down the seats next to him. This was an intervention.

“We both wanted to talk to you guys about something very important,” Nicki started the discussion. “I know these aren’t the circumstances you guys wanted to be in–“

“This couldn’t have been a phone conversation?” Pep interrupted. Nicki looked at her, clearly annoyed.

“Just because you and Milo don’t want anything to do with each other doesn’t mean anything to me,” she spat back. I looked over at both women, sitting in my seat in complete silence.

“Nicki is just trying to say–” Danny began to explain until Nicki got up from her seat.

“What I’m trying to say is that today isn’t about you, or you,” she said as she pointed at both Pep and me. “Today is about me, Danny, and our daughter. So, this is why I don’t care if you guys are not friends; you’re still our friends.” I looked over at Pep. Her legs were crossed and with her arms crossed. I remember Pep well enough to know this is what she does when she knows she’s wrong. She hated to admit it when she was, and she always felt a sense of love from her friends.

She never said anything else, and Danny decided to walk over to Nicki, clearing his throat.

“I’ll be the one to bring us back on track,” Danny said openly. “We wanted you both here when we tell you that you two are Daniela’s godparents.” Pep’s face softened and uncrossed her body. Sitting up, she looked over to her friend.

“Wait, are you serious?” Pep asked as she got up, pulling Nicki in a hug. “You want me to be a godparent?” Nicki started to tear up in the hug with Pep. I always appreciated the friendship they had with each other. In times of hardship, they always loved each other like sisters.

“You two mean so much to us. We practically grew up with you guys, and it means a lot to us to still have you guys here during the journey.” I smile at Danny as he put his arm around Nicki’s shoulders. I glanced over at Pep one last time for the night, somewhat hoping that this isn’t the last time I get to see her.

LFL's Anniversary Blogging Celebration!

Hello, 32.

liz

To my 32nd year–

First and foremost, welcome. We hope that you have a great time while you’re here.

I know you’ve met 30 and 31 before, and their youngest, 29. The trio lives as the start of some of our best years. Who would’ve known? We thought all this time that our 20s was where it has happening, but not for us. In a way, our 30s feel like what our 20s should’ve been like. Is it bad to say that we were more serious in our 20s than now? Crazy, right?

But, these are our best years because it finally feels like we are content with life. Not settled, but truly content. In the last three years, we’ve build up our professional career. In the last three years, we’ve created traditions that are uniquely our own. In the last three years we’ve become stronger than what we ever thought being strong was back then. It was a lot to endure to get here, but you are not the end of our story. You are a part of our beginning.

While you aren’t a symbolic year, you are the year that leads up to one. The beauty about being the youngest one around is that you get to see how other people navigate these important journeys in their life. Your partner, for example, is in their 33rd year. The 33rd year, or the Christ year, is the year that you come face to face with the consequences for the actions of your younger self, shedding the old, young adulthood mindset to completely be immersed in adulthood. In a sense, it’s the true beginning of your adulthood. We’ve witnessed that throughout the entire year, taking note that it will happen to us too—

But, we can discuss that next year when we get there.

For now, let’s continue to walk along the path that we were destined to go down. Let us continue to learn and grow, challenge and take action, live and laugh (and love, haha) what the path has in store for us. 32 may look a lot like our 31st; maybe it will be completely different. Who the hell knows? What we do know though I that through it all, we will continue to stay true to ourselves, even when we feel like we have to change something.

Oh! By the way, 31 decided that they wanted to do some digging and soul searching and came back with a gift: learning what OCD looks like on us. Yes, I know our 24th year is looking at us like “isn’t major depression and social anxiety enough to juggle?!” To which 31 responded with, “nope, you’re suppose to juggle three things at a time.”

The point of it all is that we are learning in our adulthood that we need to be more vocal about the things that seem off, or feel out of place. If you find yourself struggling without any real explanation, it could be something that you are internally keeping in. Talk about it, because you never know that the answer to your unsolvable questions are in the details you share out loud.

I know this may seem like a lot to take in on top of all of the new things you will expose to us being 32, but believe me when I say this: it’s all going to be worth it. Every year, we will come back to celebrate the new year to come, reflecting back on all of the things that we did and where we expect to be in the next one. So be excited, 32! You are coming at a time where life is good, and we are in a good place in it. You are also in a place where you are stronger, wiser, more mature, but still balance your youth.

So, cheers to you, 32! We’re excited to have you join us.

LFL's Anniversary Blogging Celebration!

Day 8: 31 Things That Happened/I Learned While Being 31.

liz

Things that happened:

  1. I went out to eat for my 31st birthday.
  2. I traveled to Atlantic City four times this year.
  3. I had my first VIP experience with the band I discovered on Spotify, First to Eleven.
  4. I got really into baseball for the 2025 season.
  5. I went to CitiField for the first time ever to see a Mets game.
  6. I celebrated my grandmother’s 80th birthday in July.
  7. I spent my summer outside. Like, oooooutside for the first time.
  8. I was diagnosed with OCD & trichotillomania this year.
  9. I won “Best Costume” at our Western Halloween party.
  10. I went out with my coworkers for dinner for the first time!
  11. I got two impulsive piercings: one helix and one conch.
  12. We had our 2nd Annual Thanksgiving Potluck at the office.
  13. I went to see the Jonas Brothers in concert for the second time.
  14. We had our iconic Registrar Holiday Party!
  15. I rang in the New Year doing what I wanted to do.

Things I learned:

  1. Celebrate your day the way you want to, not the way you think you should.
  2. Traditions have always been a big thing for me, and creating them that are uniquely mine feels good.
  3. Go for that experience; you might regret it later.
  4. I am allowed to change, whether it be a noticeable one, or a minor one like having a new interest.
  5. I am healing my little self by doing things she wished she could’ve done.
  6. Despite distance, love is what keeps families together and connected.
  7. I might actually like the summer season!
  8. Being honest with yourself about yourself is sometimes the best answer you’ll get.
  9. Never afraid to completely be yourself in settings where you think you need to stay in box.
  10. Try new things and make new experiences.
  11. Progress is never linear, and you can’t always shoot away what your brain is telling you.
  12. Always remember to do things for the experience of doing them, even if you’ve done it before.
  13. There’s never a right time to start doing something you genuinely want to do for yourself, you just sorta have to do it on your own terms.
  14. It’s okay to not have it all together; there’s never going to be a time that you feel absolutely prepared for things.
  15. The things that you want out of adulthood are not impossible to get, you just have to be willing to change your mindset in order to get them.
  16. Give yourself credit for the growth you’ve done, and believe that you are capable of greatness.

LFL's Anniversary Blogging Celebration!, The Something Series: 뭔가 다른 것

Day 7: Something Strange with American Families: A Jamie Monologue.

liz

American families looked too perfect when they were depicted in movies and TV shows. Growing up, they were fascinating to watch because it was so different, and I wonder if that same curiosity about Korean culture carries over here in the states.

Grace was always very interested in learning about my family in Korea. She had mentioned that families outside of America seemed to be closer and more strict with their traditions; something she noted as being the complete opposite of her family. Grace grew up as an only child, and was raised by one parent; her father. Her mother left when she was just a baby, and Grace has expressed just how difficult it was growing up without her mother guiding her through it. She thinks it’s the reason why she is now 32 and not married, still living in a small apartment meant for single, young adults. I remind her that if things didn’t happen the way they did, we would’ve never met each other, and at this point I don’t remember a life where Grace wasn’t a part of.

“Jamie,” I heard Grace calling me from the bathroom. I shut my eyes for a brief moment, knowing that today was going to be one of those days that Grace wasn’t feeling good.

I walked to the bathroom to find her sitting on the bathroom floor in her bathrobe. She leaned her head back on the tile, looking up at my direction. “Jagiya,” I said as I sat next to her on the floor. I grabbed the towel from the hanging rack, wiping the sweat on Grace’s face. “Are you okay?”

“I feel like shit,” Grace bluntly said. “How the hell am I going to make it to the family reunion?”

“You’re not feeling good,” I began to say. “Surely, they’ll understand.”

“I can’t be locked up in this bathroom forever, Jamie.”

“Not forever; just for another couple of months,” I said, trying to ease the intension. Grace was not having it.

“I’m serious,” Grace pleaded. “This is important to me.” I listened to Grace, placing my hand on top of hers and rubbed her knuckles. I found out how much that simple gesture calms Grace down. “I feel like I can finally connect with my mother’s side of the family.” I knew how important this was to Grace, especially in this time where she is working on introducing her growing family to them.

“Let’s first get you off the bathroom floor,” I said, getting up. Grace put her hands up for me to grab them as she slowly got off from the ground. She held her lower back as she winced in pain. I held her hand and slowly guided her outside of the bathroom, and eventually sat her down on the couch. I ran into the bedroom, watching Grace’s head follow my every move.

“Babe, what are you—”

I walked back out with a bunch of hangers, placing them on the chair next to me. I smiled at Grace as she looked at me. She sat with her hands folded on top of her belly. “Jamie.”

“Here we have some favorites from the misses closet,” I began to say, picking up a top and a bottom to show Grace. She shakes her head no, which prompts me to the next outfit. “A beautiful piece that Sky got you?” Grace deadpanned, which I knew was an immediate no. “Okay… how about…” I look through a couple of more options until I see a black turtleneck with a red dress. I held them up to show Grace, hoping she’ll like this duo. She took a while to think about it, but ultimately nodded her head yes. I smiled, putting the outfit on top of the couch.

“You’re going to look so beautiful,” I shouted from the bedroom, placing Grace’s clothes back in her closet. To my surprise, I turned around and she was standing right behind me, smiling.

“Thank you for helping me,” Grace gently said as she wrapped her arms around me. I wrapped mine around her body, feeling agi press against my abdomen. “I don’t know how you put up with me; seriously.”

“I do it because I love you, silly,” I said, kissing the top of her head; her red, curly hair pointing in every direction. “And I know this pregnancy has been extra hard on you.”

“I don’t know what it is,” Grace said as she let go of me, stretching her back. “I don’t remember my pregnancy with Willow being as cruel as this one. By month 5, I was still working on my intern law case.” I couldn’t help but kneel down in front of Grace’s belly, talking directly at it.

“Ya, agi,” I pointed my finger at her belly. “Giving eomma a hard time was not in the leasing agreement.” Grace smiled, shaking her head as I looked up at her. “If you’re good tonight, you get anything that eomma is craving.” Grace gently slaps me on my shoulder as I get up from the ground, kissing her on the forehead. “Let’s start getting you ready for this reunion.”

…

I pinned Grace’s name tag on her dress shortly after pinning mine on my sweater. We looked around the party hall, not realizing just how huge Grace’s family was on her mother’s side. Sisters had kids and those kids had their own kids; it’s truly something Grace and I were not used when we’ve only ever had dinner at the Ashmore’s house.

“You want to find our seats?” I whispered close to Grace’s ear. She nodded her head, and we began to walk around the party trying to find our assigned table. This was a lot fancier than the idea I had in mind when Grace mentioned a family reunion. Family reunions of mine included everyone over someone’s house, cooking for hours on end and eating when everyone finally got to the gathering. We also included all of the children; this family reunion specifically said on the invitation that this was a kid-free event. Grace didn’t even seemed phased on the extravagance of this place.

We finally found our table, which had a bunch of other people around our age. Grace immediately recognized two people, in which they looked really familiar.

“Em! Cami!” Grace excitedly said as she went to hug the two. It made me smile seeing Grace get so happy. “It’s been too long!”

“Way too long,” Cami smiled as she said, looking down at Grace’s belly. “When did this happen?!” Aigoo, I remember how blunt Emerson’s wife was. Grace laughed it off, rubbing the top of her belly with her hand. Cami looks at me now as if the lightbulb goes off in her head. “Oh! I remember you!”

“Nice to see you two again,” I greeted, placing my hand on top of Grace’s shoulder. The couple sit at their seats, which prompted me to take the chair out for Grace to sit down. Cami looks over at Emerson, hitting him on his shoulder.

“You couldn’t pull out my chair?”

“Why? You’re already sitting on it!” Emerson debated. “Plus, Grace is pregnant; I pulled out your chair many times when you were carrying Susie and Carmen.”

“Chivalry is dead,” Cami commented as she rolled her eyes. Grace laughed, clearly amused with the couple’s banter.

“How are the girls anyway? We have to set a day we could see them.” I looked at Grace, proud of her for trying to become closer to this side of her family. The Grace I first got to know would’ve avoided these scenarios with a 10 foot pole.

“They’re doing good! Scotty and Liv are watching them tonight for us.”

“Susie just started pre-school and Carmen just turned 2,” Emerson added, scrolling through pictures on his phone before handing it over to Grace. Grace reacted immediately in awe, looking at the photo of two girls in Halloween costumes.

“Stop, they are the cutest!” Grace cooed, observing the picture. “Susie looks like your twin, Em.”

“And Carmen has her mama’s personality,” Emerson said as he looked at Cami. She rolled her eyes but didn’t deny it. “How’s our little dancing queen, Willow?”

“Getting older too fast,” Grace commented. “She’s away with her dance academy for Starbound in Beacon.”

“How old is she now? I can never keep up,” Cami asked. I was the one to take out my phone, showing the couple a picture of Willow.

“She’s turning 7 in April,” I answered. “She’s also on the honor roll in her 1st grade class.” Grace smiles big, as she always does when talking about Little Bean, Willow Bean, as she demanded I start calling her instead.

“For fuck’s sake, where did the time go?” Cami reacted, looking at the photo on my phone. “She was just a baby!”

“Don’t get me started,” Grace said, visibly trying to fight back hormonal tears. I kissed Grace on the temple of her head for support. Cami smiles, witnessing the gesture.

“How far along are you, Grace?” Cami asked. “If you need any baby clothes, we have a ton of things from the girls that we couldn’t use; especially Carmen weighting in at nearly 9 pounds at birth.” Aigoo, a 9 pound newborn baby?!

“A little over 5 months,” Grace answered, placing her hand on top of her stomach. “The longest 5 months ever. Did you find your second pregnancy to be absolutely brutal?”

“Definitely,” Cami said as she sipped her drink. “Carmen was a big ass baby; I had to wear a sling around my stomach by month 7 because the pain in my lower back was unbearable.” Grace eyes widen, clearly in shock. Ya, please don’t be scaring her now. “How are you holding up though? Do you guys know what you’re having?”

“Not yet,” I answered, sipping my glass of water to clear my throat. “We have our next check up next weekend, actually.” This next appointment was one of the big ones, and I wasn’t sure if we were both ready to go to it. Surely, the very first visit I nearly had to hold Grace’s head up from the toilet bowl prior to leaving, as she was literally sick to her stomach from both nerves and agi. The second big appointment, the one where we got to hear agi’s heartbeat I nearly passed out in my seat. I could only hope that this one, we are both ready to see and feel just how real all of this is becoming.

“And how are you feeling about all of this, dad?” Cami asked. I felt my face immediately get hot hearing the word “dad”. I guess I really haven’t had the time to—

“Gracie!” I hear another woman’s voice call out. I turn around and see an older couple walk toward our table. Grace gets up from her seat and hugs the woman.

“Aunt Sophie,” Grace happily greeted the woman. “Hi, Uncle Milo,” she hugs the man afterwards. I get up from my seat out of politeness, taking this being both her aunt and uncle. “Aunt Sophie, Uncle Milo; this is my boyfriend, Jamie.”

“Nice to meet you,” I shook the mans hand and bowed to the woman. She bowed back as she greeted me. This must be Grace’s cousin, Summer’s parents.

“Summer mentioned you were dating a man from Korea,” Sophie commented. She looked at me and says hi to me in Korean in a much more formal way.

“We’re glad you could make it. Your mom was worried you wouldn’t be well enough to attend, which is completely understandable,” her uncle mentioned.

“I couldn’t miss this,” Grace replied back. “Considering the last reunion I was still in Ulsan for the production.”

“Are you still doing elite dance?” Sophie asked. I shut my eyes for a moment, knowing exactly where this was going to go.

“No, I… uhm, retired from elite dance,” Grace answered, keeping a smile on her face. “I run Aunt Jennifer’s studio in Brooklyn now. Of course, with some help currently.”

“It’s nice that you kept the family business going,” Milo responded. “I would hate the place to go down after generations of both Castros and Kamalanis dancing there.” I looked over at Grace, seeming to be uncomfortable in her place.

“Jagiya, let’s go and get something to eat,” I said, kissing the side of her head. Grace looked at me and smiled before looking back at her aunt and uncle.

“We’ll see you around tonight,” Grace politely said before walking away. She squeezed my hand tight, which means she needs a moment to step out.

I walk with her toward the exit of the ballroom and toward the front of the venue. Once we’re outside, she lets go of my hand and crosses her arms along her chest.

“I prepared for every possible scenario tonight besides that one,” Grace openly admitted.

“Mwo?” I questioned, not knowing what she was referring to.

“The elite dance question,” Grace said. “The last time all these people probably saw me was through the livestream of the dance production two years ago.”

“It’s a genuine question if that was the last time they saw you,” I responded back, trying to understand what made Grace react this way.

“Yeah, but it sucks to tell them I did all of that for me to just come back to New York and do what I was doing before.” I looked at Grace with a concerned expression on my face. I knew coming back to New York meant I was going to come face-to-face with Grace’s inner self-doubt and judgement. No matter how good life could be for the both of us, she still dealt with beliefs that were hard to debunk.

“You did a job, that job ended, and you came back from doing that job,” I tried to reason with Grace’s logic. “Everyone does that with a job.”

“My mom didn’t,” Grace debated. “She did all these amazing things after she did the production and—”

“You’re not your mother, Grace,” I said sternly. “You are allowed to have a different story—”

“But how does it look being Mollie Sue Castro’s only daughter who so happened to do a dance production and then not continue to be in that industry? These people only see me as her daughter—”

“That chose to do things differently,” I said, correcting where this conversation was going. “You were a lawyer and a young mother at the same time. You were a dancer and a mother that checked in on her daughter every chance she had. You did something that your mom didn’t do.” I disliked the fact that I had to have this conversation with Grace whenever her family were around. I felt like every step she took toward seeing her life as her own, she is pulled back by the question. Some days, it was harder to get her back to where she was; tonight feels like one of those nights.

“But she’s still a huge part of my family. Even after all that time away from her family, she still accomplished something major and came back to her family. She came back for my dad, she came back for her sisters and mom, she came back for me.”

“But you were Willow’s mom throughout all of her life, Grace,” I said, trying to further reason with her. “She never had to grow up wondering if her mom cared about her. She grew up still being able to call you her mom.” I can see the tears form in Grace’s eyes, and I feel horrible it was because of something I said. She immediately looked down at the ground, trying to hide her face. “Aigoo, Jagiya.”

“I’m fine,” Grace said as her voice cracked, still looking down. I get closer to her, lifting her head with my hand on her chin. Her face is definitely wet from tears.

“Grace,” I said, looking directly at her now. “It may feel like you have to live in your mom’s shadow, but you don’t have to. You don’t need to. You’ve made it this far in your life doing things the best way for you.” I wiped her tears with my thumbs as she let out a deep breath. She finally feels a lot lighter now. “Do you want to head on back inside, or has agi told you it’s past eomma’s bedtime?” Grace giggles as she gathers herself together.

“No. I promised myself I would do this tonight,” she answered. I smiled back at her and turned towards the front door of the venue.

“That’s my girl,” I whispered into Grace’s ear.

LFL's Anniversary Blogging Celebration!, The Junior Journals.

Day 6: The Second-to-Last First Day of High School: Mollie’s Journal.

liz

“Mollie!” I hear my mom yell out my name from downstairs. “You’re gonna be late for your first day!”

“Coming!” I said, putting the last elastic in my thick, curly hair. I should’ve listened to my mom when she said to wash it last night, but I was too lazy to get out of bed and do it. Who the hell am I impressing in that lame ass school anyway?

I walked downstairs and see my mom and Alex sitting in the kitchen, unreasonably close to one another. It was clear as day that he was feeding my mother in a romantic way, and possibly stopped once they realized I was still in the house. Their love gives me the ick, and seeing them in love like made me feel sad that I haven’t had that experience yet. Even I felt that what Milo and Sophie had was true love, but I guess our generation is just fucked.

“You’re ready for junior year?” my mom asked, getting up from her seat to hand me my lunch for the day. I sighed, shrugging my shoulders.

“Just another day of school I wish I didn’t have,” I said, straightening the straps of my bookbag.

“Junior year is a big year,” Alex commented. “It’s the year that colleges look at the most, then you can slack off senior year.”

“Alex,” my mom scolded him. “What he means is that if you’re looking to get into Juilliard, you have to make sure both your grades and craft are good.”

“I know,” I said dismissively, texting Milo on my phone.

“And you’re going to have to decide which craft you’d like to study in college–” Ugh. The amount of times I’ve had this conversation with my mom about this.

“Yeah, yeah,” I said, looking up and walking towards the front door. “Milo’s here; I’ll see you later!”

…

The last time Milo and I walked to Waverly together, it was freshman year. It feels weird that after all this time, we are back to the place where we started off; just two friends going to school, unknowingly walking into another year of this shitshow.

“I’m already thinking about the pizza I’m getting after school today,” I said, looking into my lunch bag to see my mom’s gourmet lunch. I hand it over to Milo, knowing he’ll eat it without any issue.

“I don’t know why you dislike your mom’s lunches,” Milo wondered. “I could eat your mom’s food all day.”

“Sometimes you just want a simple slice of pizza, and not a whole 5-star meal for lunch,” I said, rolling my eyes. The thing about my mom was that she always had a ton of things on her mind, on top of the fact that her daughter nearly stayed home for the entirety of the summer after her break-up. She always believed the way to cure a broken heart was food; I found my outlet at the studio, dancing when no one was around.

“Well keep pretending to eat them so that your mom keeps making them,” Milo said. I smiled at him, not realizing how much I missed mornings like this. We got closer to the school, seeing all the familiar faces that we left just 2 months ago. Almost all of them.

We walked to the schoolyard, looking to see who was actually hanging out there before the school bell rang to start the day. In the crowd of people, I notice someone I wasn’t actually looking for; I see Sophie. I didn’t have any beef with Sophie, as I truly did believe that she and Milo actually did love each other. I understand what it was like to want different things than what you settled for. I understand wanting to be your own person, outside of the person that made you feel the most “whole”. I turned around to look at Milo, and unfortunately notices Sophie too.

“Come on, Mi,” I gently said, walking in the opposite direction from where Sophie was. He follows me in the crowd of other classmates until I hear a girl’s voice call out my name. I turned around, seeing Ronnie wave her hand in the air. Milo and I walk towards her, grateful that someone was here to distract us from the bad memories of Waverly.

Ronnie hugged me tightly, which made me feel much better about the day already. Ronnie made sure to keep me company as much as possible over the summer when Aaron and I broke up. It was a nice distraction, going to the pool and the beach most of the summer and having well-needed girl talks.

“I know I just saw you the other day, but it feels so good to see you in school!” Ronnie said as she let me go from the hug. She looks at Milo and gives him a pound. “Hi, Milo.”

“Dude it’s okay,” I reassured Ronnie, knowing where her mind was at. “Milo and I are friends again.”

“Good,” Ronnie said as she pointed at Milo. “You hurt our best friend again, I hurt you; got it?”

“Got it,” Milo answered nervously. I laughed, shaking my head. It wasn’t long after that Davy and Jonah found us, greeting us once they got closer.

“Hey, peeps!” Davy said, hi-fiving the gang. “The gang is back together again!”

“Dude, you act like we all didn’t hang out over the summer,” Jonah mentioned. It was true though; the five of us would hang out over the summer all day until our curfews. I didn’t realize just how cool the guys were; Davy was this skinny white boy that acts like he grew up in one of the hoods in Brooklyn, and Jonah was my cousin from my mom’s side so he’s always been around; it just so happened that Jonah was more Milo and Davy’s friend, whereas Ronnie was mine. Now, I guess you can say we’re “a gang”.

“And have the same major class together,” I added. “So unfair that all of you are in band.”

“Yeah, but you’re the best vocalist in our grade,” Milo added. “I think that out beats all of us.” I smile at Milo,, appreciating his reassurance in this moment. He knows just how hard I’ve been on myself since the break-up. Yes, I was the vocalist in Aaron’s band, but the band’s manager felt like I didn’t fit the image he had for them. it made me wonder just how good of a vocalist I truly was if I wasn’t considered to open for an upcoming band in the industry.

Before I could say anything, the bell finally ran, which means it was time to officially start the “second-to-last” first day of school. At this point, I was a pro at first days at Waverly: go to your classes, introduce yourself and what major you are, listen to the teacher as they spoke about what the class was about, and then do it all over again until it was 8th period.

Or at least, that’s what most first days at Waverly were like.

…

The late bell rings, and in true Mollie fashion, I run down the hall to make it to my fourth period class. Whoever decided to make my third period and fourth period class across the school have a vendetta against me or something.

Before I see the teacher close the door to begin class, I made it, holding the door open so that I can enter it. I knew exactly who this teacher was, and I was sick to my stomach to have him as my U.S. History teacher.

“Ms. Castro,” Mr. Abrams said. “I should’ve expected to see you running to my class, as you’ve always chose running as your way to get to them on time.” I smiled, feeling a little embarrassed to have my teacher on the first day know me for being late to classes. “Take a seat.”

I walked into the classroom and noticed a lot of familiar faces from our grade. I immediately noticed Sophie of all people, sitting near the front of the class. I looked away noticing an empty seat in the middle. I sit down and take my notebook out; not to actually write in it, but to just look like I’m paying attention. Again, mastering the art of first days.

“Good morning, everyone; I’m Mr. Abrams, your U.S. History teacher for the year.” He started to write his name on the board and handed out the syllabus for the class. “This year we will be prepping you all for the U.S History regents, as they are crucial to determine where you’ll be placed by the time you go to college.” Blah, blah, blah. “Of course, we will formally introduce ourselves, as we will be actively working in groups for various projects this school year.” He walk towards the left side of the room, beginning to have everyone stand up and introduce themselves. I couldn’t help but notice how many of the students in this class are dance majors. I wonder if this was the only class available for them to take; maybe their major class falls in the same period as the other U.S. History class.

As one student sat down, another one stood up; this time, I was Sophie. “Uhm, Hi. My name is Sophie, and I am a band major.”

“Nice to meet you, Sophie. What are some of your favorite things to do?” Mr. Abrams asked. Sophie looked uncomfortable, as if she didn’t know how to answer his question. She doesn’t know how to answer his question.

“I’m… really passionate about music,” she says shyly. “I spend most of my time practicing my violin, preparing pieces for programs and auditions.” Mr. Abrams nodded his head and prompted Sophie to sit down.

“You sir,” he began to say. “I don’t believe I know you from the hallway. Are you new to Waverly?” I turned my head and looked at the kid Mr. Abrams was talking about. He had dirty blonde hair with a slight wave to it; parted to the side so it looked unkempt. Definitely a new kid. The guy stands up from his seat and clears his throat.

“My name is Weston, I’m a junior, and I’m, uh, a vocal major,” he started to say. “This is my first year at Waverly High.” He looked shy, nodding his head as he finished his introduction.

“Where’d you come from?” Mr. Abrams asked.

“Oh; uhm, I lived in San Francisco.” the guy answered. Mr. Abrams nodded his head.

“Nice to meet you, Weston,” Mr. Abrams said. A couple of more students introduce themselves after the new kid, and it was now finally my turn. Mr. Abrams looked at me, nearly laughing before he spoke.

“Hi, I’m Mollie. I’m a junior and in the vocal program.”

“Nice to meet you, Mollie. What’s one interesting fact you’d like for us to know about you?” Mr. Abrams asked.

“I don’t know…” I said, trying to come up with something. “I like to sing, I guess.”

“Good enough,” Mr. Abrams said, moving onto the next student.

…

“I just don’t get it,” I started to complain to Milo as we walked to the pizza parlor. “Your dad is crazy already giving us music to rehearse.”

“You’ve said this every first day of school, Mol,” Milo mentioned.

“Well, he needs to realize that no one is coming to school on the first day to learn new music,” I complained. “Anyway, you wanna know who’s in my U.S. History class?” Milo looked at me, already knowing who I was going to say.

“Yeah? Was she with her new guy friend, Allen?” Milo spat out. Allen was one of Milo’s band mates; specifically in the same section as Sophie. Milo had an issue with Sophie spending most of her free time this past summer hanging out with the other members of the Juilliard Prospective Students program. One of them, was Allen. Milo doesn’t like to admit it, but one of the reasons why they broke up was because Milo didn’t trust Sophie being with Allen.

“He wasn’t there,” I began to say, looking over at Milo. “But Sophie was in my class.”

“Good for her,” Milo shrugged, dismissing the subject. I looked over at Milo, trying to get him to talk more about it. He was usually an open book, but when it came to talking about Sophie, he was quite secretive. I wonder how much does that have to do with the fact that they both kept their relationship on the low.

We finally got to the pizza parlor and see Ronnie, Davy and Jonah were already at the booth. We slid into the booth and joined them for our usual after school pizza visit.

“Hello, dude and dudette,” Davy greeted us. “It’s about time you guys got here.”

“You don’t have the pleasure to have Mr. Kamalani as your teacher for 8th period,” I looked over at Milo, who rolls his eyes as his response. “Did you guys order yet?”

“Davy insisted we get the pie,” Jonah said. Davy shrugs his shoulders.

“Lunch was disgusting today,” Davy replied. “Pizza is the only remedy.” Jonah sighed, moving on from the subject.

“How was vocal?” Ronnie asked me. “Any cute boys in your class?” I gave Ronnie a look that only she knows the meaning behind. Ronnie has been on my case about checking out boys, especially after having a complete breakdown at her house one night over the summer. She swears that Aaron wasn’t the one, but something tells me as my girl best friend, she’s suppose to say that.

“Same boys as last year, Ron,” I deadpanned.

“How about you, Milo? Any new cute girls in our band class you’re interested in knowing?” Davy teased.

“Davy,” Ronnie intervened. “Chill out.”

“Thank you,” Milo said to Ronnie.

“Oh, but you’re asking me about cute boys?!” I said to Ronnie, crossing my arms along my chest.

“Maybe I’m asking for myself,” Ronnie teased. I know she wasn’t asking for herself.

…

Milo and I walked down my block, tired from the long day we had at school. Milo was quiet for most of the afternoon, which bothered me. I didn’t know how to talk to him about the breakup; we were both on different stages of them. I was past the initial grief, meaning I wasn’t crying as much as I did over the summer. Milo on the other hand seemed to still be caught up in thinking about Sophie, and being in the same major as her probably didn’t make things better.

“Hey, Milo?” I turned my head to him. He looked back at me.

“Yeah?”

“Is the reason you don’t want to talk about Sophie is because you don’t want me talking about Aaron?” He scrunched his eyebrows. Fuck, maybe I should’ve worded it better.

“I don’t want to talk about Sophie because there’s nothing to talk about,” he emphasized.

“She’s in your band class,” I mentioned. “And the guy that she’s been hanging out with–“

“Look, Mol; I don’t care if you want to vent about your ex-boyfriend with me. That’s what friends do for each other. But I’m telling you that I don’t want you to console me about my breakup with Sophie.”

After that day, I don’t mention Sophie ever again, in hopes that maybe one day, he’ll talk about it.

LFL's Anniversary Blogging Celebration!, y2katalogue: The Tapes

Day 5: Tape #53 – Friend Group Intervention.

liz

Danny and Nicki begin to set up the practice space for band, something the gang hasn’t done for a couple of weeks since school ended. Jennifer walks into the garage, holding three water bottles in her hands. The couple look at Jennifer, who has been uncharacteristically quiet.

Nicki: Pep?

Jennifer: *turns around* What?

Nicki doesn’t say anything back, not really knowing what to say. Jennifer rolls her eyes and turns back around, adjusting the mic stand. Nicki looks at Danny, who then clears his throat.

Danny: We just want to know that you’re doing okay.

Jennifer: *stoic* I’m fine.

Nicki: It’s okay to not be, Pep.

Jennifer turns around, annoyed at the conversation being had.

Jennifer: With all de respect Nic, you have absolutely no idea what I’ve been going through these last couple of weeks.

Nicki: Okay, but we both know one of those things has to do with Milo.

Jennifer: *annoyed* I don’t give a shit about whatever is going on with Milo–

Nicki: *defensive* I don’t know who you’re trying to fool, but clearly it’s bothering you.

Jennifer: If it was bothering me, this stupid practice wouldn’t be happening in my garage.

Before Nicki can respond, the side door to the garage opens. Milo walks in, noticing everyone looking directly at him. He sighs and walks to his position without saying anything. Nicki has had enough of the two, walking directly to the front to address them.

Nicki: We are not starting practice until we resolve this tension in the room.

Danny: *nervous* Nicki–

Nicki: No. I did not give up my Saturday to sit around and see you and Milo avoid each other for practice. I also did not work my ass of to get us this summer gig for you two to just avoid the obvious.

Jennifer: Like I said earlier, I don’t have any issues. We are rehearsing in my garage–

Nicki: After Nate said him and his family are going away on vacation.

Jennifer rolls her eyes and doesn’t say anything back.

Milo: No issue over here, just… dealing with a lot of things on my end–

Jennifer: *blows up* Yeah, and who’s fault is that?!

Milo: *annoyed* Was I talking to you?

Jennifer: You’re the reason why everything is fucked up in the first place!

Milo: *yells* I didn’t do anything to you!

Jennifer: You’re living a double life with some girl your best friend doesn’t even know!

Milo: You know who Gwen is though!

Jennifer: *yells even louder* You got her pregnant, Milo!

Nicki: *screams* Stop it!

Milo and Jennifer look away from each other, not making eye contact.

Nicki: Do we need to have a friend group intervention?

The two teens suck their teeth, whining at the suggestion.

Milo: That’s not going to fix anything this time.

Nicki: Why not?

Jennifer: Because this isn’t something we could fix in a conversation, Nic. At the end of the day, Milo has to live with the fact that he made possibly the stupidest decision ever in his life—

Milo: *to himself* Yeah, you would know…

Jennifer turns her head toward Milo, hearing what he said.

Jennifer: Excuse me?

Milo: You make stupid fucking decisions all of the time! And I’m always there to help you get out of them, Pep! The one time I fuck up, you’re nowhere to be found besides judging me for the same exact thing you did last year.

Jennifer doesn’t say anything after that; she’s actually quite speechless, unable to put her thoughts into words. Danny’s sigh is what breaks the silence.

Danny: Milo is right.

Jennifer: *shocked* What?

Danny: Instead of us bashing him for what happened, we should be grateful that he shared something as scary as that. We’re all gaining up on a person that is trying to keep everything together.

Milo looks just as shocked to see Danny sticking up for him.

Danny: I’m not saying your feelings are invalid, Pep; you have every right to feel the way that you do with this situation, but… you also wanted support from your friends when you went through what you went through.

Jennifer: Milo wasn’t left in the dark though. I feel like I was completely left in the dark when it came to Gwen. I don’t know anything about her besides the fact that all of you are in band class together. Where was that sit down together introducing me to your girlfriend?

Milo rubs the back of his neck, visibly uncomfortable.

Milo: Gwen isn’t my girlfriend.

The three teens looked at Milo, surprised.

Jennifer: You got some random girl pregnant?

Milo: She’s not some random girl, she’s… my friend.

Jennifer: A friend?

Milo: A close friend.

Jennifer: It must be some new thing to get your close friends pregnant, huh?

Milo: *defensive* It’s not like that, Pep.

Jennifer: Then explain it. The floor is all yours.

Milo looks at Danny and Nicki, who seemingly look like they are also waiting for him to explain. Milo sighs and gets up from where he was sitting, and walks to face the three teens.

Milo: I… I like Gwen. A lot. And… she likes me back.

Nicki cocks an eyebrow, taking in this new information. Jennifer isn’t amused.

Milo: We were just friends at first, I promise. We would rehearse and hang out whenever I didn’t have practice or when she didn’t have her after-school things to do. We got to know each other, and…

Jennifer: You fell for her?

Milo: *quickly* I didn’t fall for her, but I did start to like her.

Jennifer stares at Milo intensely as if she was interrogating him.

Jennifer: So one day, you guys confessed your likings to each other and then what? You guys took your clothes off and fucked?

Nicki: Pep.

Milo: No, it wasn’t like that—

Jennifer: And then to lose your virginity without protection for just someone that you liked–

Milo: Shit, happens! My god what am I suppose to say?!

Jennifer: I want you to tell us the truth! Do you love this girl?

Milo is taken back by the sudden question.

Milo: What?

Jennifer: Are you in love with Gwen?

Milo doesn’t answer right away. He doesn’t know how to answer the question. He looks over at Danny and Nicki, who patiently wait for his answer. He looks back at Jennifer as her arms are crossed along her chest and she has this look on her face. This… worried look. He can’t get himself to say it, or believe it at this point.

Milo: No.

The three teens are shocked by Milo’s answer.

Milo: We simply got carried away and now we have to face the consequences of our actions.

Before anything else can be said, the side door of the garage opens; in walks Jennifer’s mom, Lydia.

Lydia: Peppie, I need you to pick up Mars from Niko’s house in a few.

Jennifer: Why me?

Lydia: *rubs stomach* Your father and I have a doctor’s appointment at 2 and won’t be back in time to pick her up.

Jennifer rolls her eyes and sighs.

Jennifer: Yeah, whatever.

Lydia smiles and greets the other teens in the garage. Once she leaves, Jennifer starts packing up.

Jennifer: I guess we wasted another practice doing absolutely nothing…

Milo: Pep–

Milo looks up and sees Nicki visibly mad at him. She gathers her things with Danny right behind her. Nicki storms out of the garage. Danny follows her out.

Jennifer continues to put things away, not speaking to Milo. He stands there and sighs, beginning to help Jennifer clean up.

Jennifer: I don’t need your help.

Milo: I didn’t ask if you needed it.

Jennifer stops what she’s doing and looks back up at Milo. They are both dangerously close to one another, making Milo sweat a bit.

Milo: Can we talk? Just us two?

Jennifer: Why?

Milo: Because you’re my best friend, and I need to talk to my best friend about something that’s eating me alive.

Jennifer doesn’t say anything back right away. She sighs, putting the music stand down in its place.

Jennifer: Fine. At the pizza parlor.

The Unwritten Pages., TNTH's Anniversary Blogging Celebration

Day 4: Danny, the Unsolicited, Unpaid Therapist: Written as Milo.

liz

“One regular slice and one pepperoni slice,” I said at the counter of the pizza parlor, looking behind at their fridge of drinks. “Can I also get two cans of Coke as well?” It was quick getting the pizza slices for both Danny and I, and it was nice to have someone come back to our stomping grounds in the pizza parlor after all these years.

“Thanks, man,” Danny said as I handed out his regular slice. I guess growing up means you don’t swoon over the meat lover’s special slice anymore. “Man, I love Nicki, but she’s literally been scarier than all of the villains in a scary movie!”

“She’s 5 months pregnant, bro,” I reminded him. “She’s just now realizing that her body is carrying another human being.” I looked at Danny, who immediately got white in the face. “Plus, she’s Nicki. She sucks under stress.”

“I just wish I knew how to help her,” Danny said, seemingly genuinely worried. “When I see her in pain, it just makes me feel bad that I did that to her.”

“Bro, she was there when it happened,” I mentioned, hoping to make Danny feel better about the situation. “Don’t listen to her when she says she hates you for making her go through this. She is not going to mean it.”

“I still can’t wrap my head around the thought that Nic and I are about to be parents,” Danny admitted, pulling his hair back in a stressed way. “When did it hit you that you were gonna be a father?” Ever since they announced to me that they were expecting, Danny had these nonstop questions about the process and my experience with pregnancy, forgetting that my experience was completely different than his.

“I can’t say, to be honest,” I said, taking a bite out of my slice. “I couldn’t really act like I was going to be a dad at the age of 15.” Danny rolled his eyes, knowing he’s heard this explanation a thousand times in the last 5 months.

“But you had to feel like one at some point,” he argued back.

“Yeah, when Gwen passed away and was left being the one to discharge Milo out of the hospital,” I recalled. The day Milo was born was a chaotic one, and totally unexpected. In the span of 12 days, my whole world had turned upside down.

“I don’t mean to bring back bad memories,” Danny apologized.

“The birth of my only son isn’t a bad memory, it’s just an experience that can’t connect with yours. You’re married to Nicki. You guys live together in a nice house, planning a baby shower to celebrate the birth of your first child. Gwen and I didn’t have that.”

“But you still went through the motions of being a man getting ready to bring a child into the world—”

“I was a kid having a kid,” I corrected. “But I understand the feelings you are going through. They’ll always be there when you’re about to become a father.” Danny nodded at me, sharing an agreement to one another. There’s a slight pause before Danny finishes his canned soda; the hollow noise hitting the tabletop.

“So, when are you gonna have another kid?” Danny said bluntly. “My kid needs a friend.”

“Bro, what?” I laughed as I asked.

“Milo is getting older, dude; when are you gonna have another kid?”

“How the hell am I suppose to know?” I scoffed. “I don’t even have the time to clean my apartment, yet alone go out on a date with a woman.”

“You’re not dating anyone yet?” Danny asked as if it was the most shocking discovery in the conversation. “Are you still not over Marielle?” I felt my body tense up hearing the name of my ex girlfriend.

Marielle and I were students at the same college, and one of my electives as a junior was something she was taken towards her major. She was studying to be an actress and was pursuing this once-in-a-lifetime experience at Oxford, all the way in London. She told me late last summer that she got accepted into the program at Oxford, and was going to live in London for the next two years. Knowing that long-distance wouldn’t have worked for us, we both agreed to call it quits.

“I haven’t spoken to Mari since she left for London,” I emphasized. “Why try to date when a.) the women our age aren’t looking to be with a man with a kid already, and b.) eventually it’s not going to work out?” It was true; dating as a single father was strange, considering I’ve been a single dad since I was a sophomore in high school. Surely, women dated me later in high school and in college, but the elephant in the room was always my son knocking on my bedroom door when I had a woman over. Clearly, they never wanted a second date with me.

“So, that’s it? Mari leaves for London and Pep leaves for North Carolina with her fiancée—” My body tenses up to the sound of Pep’s name. Danny immediately stopped the thought and jumps on a new one. “Have you heard from Pep lately?”

“The last I heard was that her fiancée unfortunately passed away,” I said, recalling that conversation with Lydia one day. “Her mom told me, but I haven’t spoken to Jennifer—”

“Pep,” Danny corrected.

“I haven’t spoken to her since she left for North Carolina last summer,” I finished my sentence, dismissing Danny’s correction.

“I just don’t understand how best friends like you and Pep just have a huge falling out like that,” Danny questioned, finishing the last of his slice.

“You should know, you were there when it happened.” The last time Pep and I spoke was the night before she was leaving for North Carolina. She was moving closer to her fiancée’s family since he was dealing with a chronic illness. I was against her moving so far away from her family; she deemed it as jealousy for being able to move her life along while mine was forced to stay here because of my son. It was the last straw after breaking them in half to create more, but for the sake of Pep and me, we ended our friendship and communication there on that same night.

Before we got any deeper to the conversation, my phone rings on top of the table, noticing the number as the repairman. “Hello?… Yes, speaking… That’s great, thank you again.” I hung up the phone and began to get up from the booth. “Thank god they were able to fix my AC unit—”

“Dude,” Danny said as he put his hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay to let things go for the sake of your own future. Yeah, your whole world is your son, but don’t forget you’re allowed to include your own wants and needs into that world.”

At the time, I didn’t understand why Danny worded things like that. The more I analyzed this day out with him, the more I realized that him and Nic had something up their sleeves this entire time—

And I was the fool that fell for it.