The first month after Maki was born felt something between one week and one year long.

Maki has such an addicting personality; she really takes after Grace. Her face says exactly what she wants to say and is super unapologetic for doing so. Maki was also a very calm baby throughout the day. She rarely cries, and if she does it’s because she wants Grace. The way that Maki always wanted Grace made me realize that Maki might just be a mama’s girl. I can’t lie, it sort of makes me really jealous of Grace.

While Maki has been the perfect baby during the day hours, she shows her true colors when the moon comes out, like a werewolf. 

I can just make out Maki’s cry over the baby monitor. When I hear her continued cry, I looked over at Grace, barely awake.

“Jagiya, it’s your turn,” I sleepy said. “Jagiya?” I opened my eyes when I didn’t hear Grace respond, and finally see why; Grace is passed out from exhaustion. I did feel bad for her; she has her hands busy all while still recovering from giving birth. I began to get out of bed, lowering the baby monitor before getting up to walk out our bedroom.

“Maki-ya,” I said as I walked into Willow and Maki’s shared room. I was thankful that Willow hasn’t been with us for the past couple of days; Max and Miriam took her to England for the very first time. Willow has had a lot of firsts in her little life in the span of a month too. I walked up to Maki’s bassinet, seeing the little bean scream out. “Yeobo, sweetheart.”

To my surprise, Maki begins to look up at me, seeming to stop crying as she does. I smile down at her, trying to comfort her. Even a month into fatherhood, I still can’t believe I am sitting in a rocking chair holding my daughter in my arms. 

I take her out of the room, and walk to the kitchen with Maki still in my arms. I turned the little light on from the oven, preparing to feed Maki. I was thankful when she actually took the bottle this time after nights of Maki wanting the real thing directly from the source.

“I know it’s not eomma, but I’m happy you’re here in my arms right now.” Maki continues to drink from the bottle, seeing her eyes get droopy by the minute. I couldn’t help but be smitten at the sight. 

“jollin agiguna,” I cooed, putting her on my shoulder to her burp. I found myself speaking in Korean a lot more, specifically to Maki. I didn’t mean to do that, but to me it was the most natural thing I can do as I spoke to my first born. She was Korean-American and it was important to me she knew both English and Korean. 

I gently pat her back, helping her burp up after her meal. This burp was a loud one; she very much enjoyed her late-night snack. 

“uwa, chaghan ai,” I said to her in Korean first. “Good girl, Maki!” I took one of her balled up fists and lift it up for her victory. She wasn’t amused; in fact, she rolled her eyes at me, already acting like a mini-Grace.

“You know, eomma does that same thing you do,” I pointed out, knowing Maki was too young to actually have a conversation with me. “She rolls her eyes instead of just admitting just how funny I truly am.” Maki scrunches her face as if she was wondering what I was even saying to her. “Someday I’ll tell you my funniest of jokes; you’re going to love them.”

I walked her back to her room, watching her slowly drifting away to sleep. I placed her back into her bassinet, noticing just how tiny she looked in it. I still can’t believe you’re mine.

As I slowly closed Maki’s bedroom door, I turned around and noticed Grace standing there.

I held my chest with my hand. “Ya,” I began to say. “What are you doing snooping in the dark?”

“You did it again,” Grace commented. “Putting the alarm on high volume after hitting snooze.” Aigoo, I nearly scared Grace off the bed when it first happened. 

“Mianhae,” I said, apologizing to Grace. “You could’ve came into Maki’s room.”

“And scared you while you have her in your arms? No way,” Grace spat back, letting out a deep sigh. I could see how tired she was standing there. “Is she okay though? Did she eat what was in the bottle? Does she—“

“Jagiya,” I stopped her spiraling with a smile. “Yes, she took the bottle. She went straight to sleep.” It took some time for the worry to fade from Grace’s face. One thing I’ve noticed about Grace since Maki’s arrival was that she was way more maternal than she believed. She was truly a mama bear, overprotective of her baby cub. She was even sometimes overprotective of Maki with me. 

“You know how fussy she can be,” Grace said, walking towards the kitchen counter. She opens the fridge and takes out the regular milk and cold brew. Grace was never a cold brew coffee type of person, but she realized that a cold brew with milk was way faster than brewing a cup of coffee. It helped on the mornings that Maki was wide awake with us, wanting her eomma to hold her. 

I sat across from her on the island, watching her pour her cup of coffee and my cup. She took out the cold foam and poured into my cup; a more recent discover of my liking. Maybe I needed the sugar rush to keep up with Maki and Grace at the same time.

“So,” I began the conversation. “You just so happen to wake up after I got up for Maki.”

“I couldn’t help myself,” Grace responded, swirling her coffee in her cup. “I heard you in her room through the baby monitor. I didn’t want to disrupt you and Maki time.” 

Me and Maki time. “I was glad she was okay with me getting her.” Grace sighed as she looked at me. 

“You’re her father—“

“She prefers you, jagiya,” I said, accepting it as truth. “You’ve casted a spell on her or something.”

Grace couldn’t help but laugh, leaning in to ruffle my hair like a golden retriever. 

“She can sense that you’re nervous around her still,” Grace confessed. I shook my head, clearly caught off-guard and confused. 

“I’m not nervous around my daughter,” I scoffed, folding my arms along my chest. 

“You immediately get nervous when she cries in your arms for more than 5 seconds,” Grace emphasized. “I’m not judging you—“

“Excuse me for this being my first time,” I said, half jokingly.

“I just don’t want you to feel like she has a preference of parent. You’re just not showing her your true self just yet.” I was skeptical of Grace’s reasoning. The girl has been on this earth for a month and I’m not being myself? 

“And you think she can sense that?” I asked, playing along. Grace confidently nodded back.

“She can sense your tension. Once she feels like you’ve loosen up, she will melt in your arms.” Grace held my face with her hands, puffing up my cheeks. “She is going to love you so much, Jamie.”

…

I sat on the couch with Maki in my arms, feeding her out from the bottle. Grace was busy getting ready for a girl’s night out with her, Sky, Maurice, and Aimee. I encouraged her to go; it’s the least that Grace can do to get some time for herself.

She walked out the bedroom wearing a spaghetti-strapped satin dress with her sneakers. She anxiously looked around the kitchen as if she lost something.

She let out a deep breath. “There should be enough bottles for Maki to last her the night.”

“Got it.”

“And make sure you clean her bum with some powder; but not that chalky white one because it breaks her out.”

“Understood—”

“And—”

“jayiga,” I stopped Grace in her tracks, getting up from the couch. “Maki is going to be fine. You have nothing to worry about.” I kissed her forehead for final reassurance. “Go have fun with your friends. You deserve it.”

Grace smiled at me before kissing Maki on the top of head. “Be a good girl for appa, okay baby?” Maki cooed loudly at her mother, putting the biggest smile on Grace’s face. She looked at me one final time before leaving out the front door.

“Oh! And–“

“Ya,” I smiled as I said. Grace playfully rolled her eyes and leaned in for a kiss. She smiled at me afterwards.

“Have a good time tonight with Maki,” she finished her sentence. She walked away from the apartment as I closed the door with my free hand.

“Alright, Maki; what’s gonna be in store for us today?” I said, smiling down at her.

…

It had only been two hours, and Maki has not stopped crying for at least one of them. Toys were scattered around the apartment, and every baby gadget that we got doesn’t seem to be working.

I placed her down in her little rocker as she looked up at me with tears in her eyes. I sat across from her, finally getting off my feet for the first time tonight.

“Maki-ya,” I said as I rubbed my eyes with my hands. “museun il-ieyo? What’s wrong, sweetheart?” In this moment, I wish Maki was old enough to verbally tell me what it was that she wanted because this guessing game with her as been a complete failure.

She continues to cry as the rocker sways side to side. Thankfully, the doorbell rang just in time. I picked Maki up from the rocker and walked to the door.

“Thank god,” I reacted seeing Shawn standing there. I invited him inside, closing the door behind him. He looks at Maki as she looks at him with a wet face as she momentarily stopped crying.

“Hi, Maki!” Shawn said in his squeaky baby voice, which prompted Maki to cry once again. Shawn looked up at me, now nervous.

“She’s been crying for an hour, Shawn,” I finally explain, rocking Maki in my arms. “I don’t know what else to do.”

“Did you call Grace?” he asked. I shook my head no. “Hyung,” Shawn crossed his arms along his chest.

“I don’t want to ruin her night out. She deserves some time for herself,” I answered back, looking down at Maki. “She’s never cried for this long, Shawn; what do I do?”

“You’re asking me?” Shawn asked, shocked. He’s right about that at least. I sat on the sofa with Maki on my lap now. I tried giving her a pacifier one last time before I ditched the whole thing. Thankfully, she took it just for a couple of minutes, just enough to get myself together.

“Is this your first time looking after Maki without Grace?” Shawn asked me.

I scoffed before I said anything. “Do you know how long it took Grace to actually decide to go out tonight? She’s practically glued herself to Maki.” I reflected back on the month since bringing Maki home, noting that Grace was by Maki’s side 24/7. Maybe Maki is having some separation anxiety; I assumed it would be Grace that would.

“Maybe Maki thinks Grace isn’t coming back, kind of like a cat or dog,” Shawn said. I looked at him with a perplexed look, which made him continue on his tangent. “Like, when a pet owner leaves for a day, it’s common that they cry out for them because they think they are being abandoned.”

“Is that suppose to put me at ease?”

“Maybe it also works for babies.” Shawn really wanted to be right about this. “You just have to show her that you’re just as good as Grace.” Maki spat out the pacifier and started crying again.

“What? Are you also going to tell me that I need to be myself around her?” I asked, softly bouncing her on my leg. Shawn got up from where he was sitting, offering to hold Maki. I transferred her from my arms into his. Grace would have my head on a platter if she knew Shawn is holding Maki without her or Sky around for supervision purposes.

As soon as Shawn sets Maki in his arms, she immediately stops crying. She just looks up at Shawn as if she just wasn’t crying at the top of her lungs.

“Hi, Maki!” Shawn said. This girl has no emotion on her face. Shawn continued to smile down at her. “I don’t know if I should stop smiling or if it’s keeping her from crying.”

I couldn’t help but sit back down on the sofa, defeated. Shawn finally looked over at me.

“That’s just great. I can’t even get my own daughter to stop crying,” I said, feeling frustrated.

“Hajima,” Shawn scolded. Before I reminded him of his honorifics, he shook his head. “Don’t, especially in front of Maki.” I looked at Maki, staring intently at Shawn as he spoke.

This is the part of fatherhood that they don’t teach you. The absolute guilt you feel when everything you do still doesn’t ease your baby. The sinking feeling of your heart when they look at you and still cry. It was a sight and a feeling that I hate, and wish I could get rid of already.

“Maybe you’re taking it too serious, Hyung,” Shawn suggested.

“Too serious? To Maki, it is serious if she’s crying—”

“You just have to be yourself,” he answered back. I scoffed. Not this again. “She could probably sense your nervous energy, making her feel nervous. You know babies have a sixth sense like that.”

“I’ve taken care of my nieces just fine—”

“But this is your daughter. Half of her DNA is yours; she knows how nervous you are.” Maki makes a sudden movement in Shawn’s arms, cooing as she looked over at me. “Once you show her who you really are, she’ll be fine.” Shawn gets up from his seat, handing Maki back to me. Thank goodness she didn’t start crying… yet.

…

The couple of hours that Maki has been asleep were peaceful until they weren’t. She woke up, screaming for her bottle by the end of the night.

I walked into her room with her bottle in hand, placing it on top of the changing table as I picked her up from her bassinet.

“I know, I know,” I reassured her as I placed her in my arms. Normally, she would willingly take her bottle if Grace wasn’t around. Maybe she can sense your nervousness, Hyung. Great, now I have Shawn’s thoughts inside my own inner thoughts.

Maki cried and cried; nothing seemed to be working. I was getting this gut feeling that maybe, just maybe, she just didn’t like me. Maybe she preferred Grace over me. Aigoo, even thinking that is breaking my heart.

She’s going to love you so much: Grace’s words from earlier today make it worth at least try to help soothe our child.

“Maki-ya,” I said, sitting down in the rocking chair. I tried giving her bottle once more time before I finally caved in and called Grace. You got this, Jamie. I let out a deep breath, then looked down at Maki. “halemoni used to sing this to me as a baby; I think you’ll like it a lot.” Without seeking Maki’s reassurance, I began to sing jaljara uri aga, or “Hush Hush, our Baby”.

At first, Maki hated it. It was like she wanted to see who can scream louder at this time of night. Instead of letting her get her way, I tried to refocus her direction on me as I rocked her in my. “Maki-ya.” She looked up at me for a brief moment, locking in her big, brown eyes on me. I continued to sing softly to her: A baby more beautiful than the moon, a baby more beautiful than the stars; Hush hush our baby, our baby sleeps so well. The longer I sang to her, the more calm she became. She couldn’t stop staring up at me as her eyes slowly began to close.

“dalbodado goun aga, byul bodado bitnan aga; jajang jajang uri aga, jaldo janda uri aga,” I finished the song in Korean, seeing her finally drift to sleep in my arms. Did I get crack the code? Did I successfully look after my daughter while her mother was away? I knew I should’ve put Maki back in her bassinet as soon as she fell asleep, but I was stuck to the rocking chair, stuck to Maki for the rest of my life.

…

“Jamie?” I heard a woman’s voice, thinking it was just a dream I was having. It wasn’t until I left something on my shoulder that finally woke me up from my sleep.

“Grace?” I said in a sleepy voice. I rubbed my eyes as they opened to see Grace standing there. “Jagiya.“

“Bed’s too comfortable for you?” Grace teased as she sat down next to me. I shook my head, smirking as my response.

“Can’t sleep in our bed without the other part of our,” I teased back, finally awake and aware of everything. I quickly turned my head towards Maki’s bedroom. “She’s still sleeping, right?”

Grace nodded her head. “I peeked in there and she’s out like a light. You must’ve really tired her out, huh?”

“She almost won tonight,” I said, leaning my head back on the sofa, looking over at Grace. “But in the end, appa got through the battle cries.”

Grace shook her head as she laughed. “Yeah? What’d you do?”

“A magician never reveals his magic tricks,” I teased Grace. She rolled her eyes as she smiled at me. I couldn’t help but smile back.

Grace winced, adjusting her chest as she fed Maki. It was such a surreal moment to see; a mother feed her newborn baby with what she produced in her body. 

“Easy there, baby,” Grace adjusted Maki along her chest. Seeing Maki become milk drunk was the cutest thing ever. Seeing Grace just breast feeding Maki was a beautiful, yet surreal sight. 

“Maki likes what her eomma has,” I commented, watching Maki continue to eat. Grace and I were glad to finally have the time where we are both well rested while Maki was also awake. 

I couldn’t stop staring at Maki. “Is Willow still coming tonight with your parents?”

“They’re on their way to get her from Max’s place,” Grace answered, cleaning Maki’s face. “I told them tomorrow would be better.” I nodded my head, mind empty with nothing but Maki. Grace stares at me intently. “She already has the strings to your heart, huh?” 

“Maki-ya,” I cooed at Maki, smiling ear to ear. Maki had just finished eating as her attention immediately went into me. Her eyes were big and brown; looking at the world for the first time. She also has the chubbiest cheeks, which makes it impossible for me to not pinch them.

I leaned forward to pick her up from Grace, allowing her to tie her blouse closed and clean up after Maki. Maki was already such a good baby. 

Moments after, the nurse comes into the room with some documents on a clipboard. I let out a deep breath, knowing what this was.

“Hi, good evening; how are you feeling, mom?” The nurse walked over to Grace, checking the machines. 

“I’m alright; tired,” Grace said, leaning her head back on the bed. “Sore.” Grace gently held up her boob, showing the nurse. “She’s really been tugging at it, am I not producing enough for her?”

“Probably not as fast as she wants it,” the nurse smiled, looking at me now. “I see Dad is holding her as mom takes a break.” I rocked Maki in my arms, watching my baby girl slowly get sleepy.

The nurse walked back to the computer, entering in a couple of details. “Do we have a name for her yet, parents?” 

“We do,” Grace answered, looking at my direction. 

“Her first name is Maki. M-A-K-I,” I said out loud, looking down at the little angel. “Her last name is Kim, K-I-M.

“Maki Kim,” the doctor repeated, typing her name onto the computer. “Any middle name?”

“No, but she will have two names. One in Korean, one in English. Her Korean name is Kim Ma-ki, her English name is Maggie Maree Kim.” I looked over at Grace, who is smiling back at me. Grace had mentioned she wanted to give Maki an English, middle name.

“Maree,” she said, finally placing baby clothing in Maki’s dresser. “I just always liked the middle name ‘Maree’.”

“Maggie Maree, your room better be clean before I get up there!” I role played, imagining conversations with Maki when she gets older. Grace giggled before kissing me on the cheek.

“She’ll know I’m serious if I’m calling her by her English name,” I commented. 

“Maggie Maree Kim; it has a ring to it,” Grace said as she continued folding baby clothes. I walked up behind her and kissed her on the cheek.

“The same cadence as ‘Grace Renee Kim’.” I wrapped my arms around her, getting in a gentle rub of her belly. 

“Got it,” the nurse typed on the computer. “First, middle, and last name of mom?”

“Grace Renee Ashmore,” Grace said. 

“Okay, and the first, middle, and last name of dad,” the nurse said looking at me. 

“Kim Jae-min,” I said proudly. Aigoo, I’m actually a father.

“Okay, we’re gonna go ahead and print out her birth certificate for you to sign shortly.” The nurse got off and smiled at us before leaving the room. It wasn’t even minutes later until Grace’s phone rings. It’s Skylar looking to FaceTime with her cousin. 

Grace picked up the phone, holding in front of her. “Hey, Sky—“

“Where is my baby? Why isn’t she there with you?” Skylar immediately asked. Grace turned the phone toward me. I could immediately hear Sky squeal at the other end of the phone.

“Look at the baby!” Skylar cooed at the screen. “Shawn! Jamie’s holding the baby!” I felt my face getting hot, about to have my best friend see me holding my daughter for the first time. 

“Hyung!” Shawn shouted out through the phone. “That’s your baby!” 

“Hi, guys,” I waved at the camera using one of Maki’s balled up fists. Shawn and Skylar are going crazy.

“She is so cute and chunky,” Skylar began to say. “God, she could be your twin, Jamie.” I felt my face getting hot and flustered. I scooted my chair next to Grace’s bed, giving her back Maki as I take the phone. 

“How’s the family doing?” I asked.

“Aunt Mollie and Uncle Weston are still here with your parents,” Skylar answered. “Shawn said your mom is really loving the hospitality. Your mom was so excited for you.” It made me feel good inside having my mother celebrate a new life into the family: the only son’s first born. And she’s my daughter? She might as well wear a crown and call her Princess Maki. 

“When we are able to bring Maki home, we’re going to have the family come see her.” Grace smiled at me, then looked down at a sleepy Maki. “Right now, we’re enjoying her for ourselves.”

“I agree,” Shawn stated before looking through the phone screen. “Hyung, I guess I’m the last one standing with no kids! Sky, you wanna change that?”

“Don’t even,” Skylar backs him up, bringing him back to reality.

“I’m just saying, Skylar; you put one of these in Shawn’s arms, he will forever worship the ground you walk on.” I was excited to see if Skylar will let Shawn get his baby. Something tells me he’s not that too far off cracking the code. “Just ask Grace.”

Grace waved her hand away, dismissing the conversation. She was simply distracted with Maki in her arms being super active. Something I’ve noticed about Maki is how much she loves being in her mom’s company. At times, I admit it makes me jealous.

“Try talking her into it,” Shawn scoffed. I couldn’t help but smile at their young love. 

“Anyway, we’re gonna let you enjoy your alone time with Maki,” Skylar begins to say. “Tell her Auntie Sky loves her!

“And Uncle Shawn!” I hear Shawn yell in the back. I hung up the call and placed Grace’s phone down on the end table. Maki is cooing and making all of the cute baby noises as she lays in Grace’s arms. It boggles my mind when Grace tries to convince me she doesn’t know what she’s doing as a mom. She’s literally a natural with Maki.

…

Grace was served dinner for the night, so I decided to have a celebratory date night with Grace in the hospital room. The lights were already dim in her room, and Maki was now in the nursery with all the other newborn babies.

I sat at Grace’s bedside, eating a deli sandwich and an iced americano from Bernie’s cafe. Of course, I went ahead and bought Grace a small coffee; one of the many things she had on her list to get after Maki was born. 

“Babe, you could’ve went home and showered before getting dinner you know,” Grace said, eating her dinner. 

“What? Do I smell?”

“No, no—“

“I mean I know yesterday was like the hottest day of the season, but I didn’t think I have body odor like that—“

“Jamie,” Grace grasped my attention by clapping her hands in front of my face. “Something tells me you’re also super sleep deprived.”

“Takes one to know one,” I teased, eating my sandwich. Grace shook her head knowing this was a losing battle on her side. “I’m just getting used to the bags under my eyes for the next couple of months.”

“You think you’re ready for those nights?” Grace teased. “Willow was such a nocturnal baby. It was like she slept through the day and as soon as it was midnight, she had all of the energy in the world.” I remember first meeting Willow in a baby stroller. She was a couple of months old when I did, but even then I remember a ton of our days in the cafe with Willow sleeping soundly in her stroller.

“We might just have to run on Korea time,” I suggested.

“Gosh, that jet lag was insane,” Grace commented as she ate her food. “And to even think about being on a plane with two kids is–“

“Oh?” I quickly reacted. “Are we making family vacation plans already?” Grace rolled her eyes as she smiled at me.

“When I’m okay to fly and when Maki is a bit older,” Grace answered. “I already told Maki all of this–“

“You’re having secret conversations with her already?” I continued to tease, feeling happy that Grace already has this special bond with Maki. I had told her numerous times that she was going to be great with her.

“I’ve been having conversations with her,” Grace corrected with a sullen look on her face. “I’m going to miss randomly talking to Maki when I carried her around with me.” I listened to Grace talk, getting a glimpse of what the initial couple of weeks will look like for Grace and I. We’re both already so sleep deprived, unkempt, and Grace is already getting separation anxiety from Maki. I hope that this anxiety is only temporary for Grace.

I placed my hand over her thigh, rubbing the fabric of the blanket against her skin. “You can still talk to her anytime you want, jagiya. She’s here to talk to.” Grace tightly smiled as tears fell down her cheeks. I could tell how much this moment meant for Grace, but also had this sense of worry that her past will cloud her judgement. It’s something I worried about throughout Grace’s pregnancy, but never brought up to speak about.

Grace sighed as she leaned her head back on the pillow, looking at me. I smiled back at her. “What?”

“Nothing,” I said, readjusting in my chair. “I just can’t believe she’s actually here.”

…

The doorbell rings as I ran across the apartment packing the things that Grace requested to bring back to the hospital. My feet slid across the smooth floor, opening the front door. Max and Willow stand there.

“Hey man,” I greeted Max with a fist pound. Willow ran into the apartment, looking around as if she was searching for something.

“Where’s my baby sister?” Willow asked us.

“She’s at the hospital with your mama, Willow Bean,” I answered. I take the tiny suitcase of Willow’s things from Max. “Thanks for bringing Willow down here; I would’ve came up there myself, but–“

“You just had a baby,” he solidified. “You have a lot going on so it was only right to bring Willow down.” I looked at Max, remembering the first time I had met him was in this very apartment, holding a baby Willow in my arms. At first, he wasn’t fond of me being around his young daughter, which was understandable considering the circumstances at the time. I was glad that he became more accepting the more serious things got between Grace and I. Willow may not be my biological daughter, but she had taught me things that I didn’t expect would be useful until Maki came along.

Willow went running in her room. “Wait! I have to give Maki her present!” She slammed the door shut behind her. Singalong toys and plushies were heard being tossed around.

“Present?” Max asked.

“Willow and I did birthday gift shopping,” I started to explain, feeling embarrassed. “I had told her that whatever day Maki is born will be her birthday, and she insisted getting her a birthday present.” Max chuckled as he nodded his head.

“Yep, sounds a lot like Willow,” he added on. “I hope she didn’t cause any trouble–“

“No, no,” I waved off. “She’s always great.” Silence then filled the room as Max and I awkwardly stood in the middle of the apartment.

“I just want you to know that fatherhood changes your life,” Max began to say. I was confused, wondering where this was stemming from. “You think you want one thing for your life and then the next you have a kid that literally becomes your whole life.” I nodded my head, not wanting to interrupt him. “Willow was the reason why I left the firm.”

“Was it a hard decision to make once she came?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“Definitely. I worked hard to get into that firm, and our intern case was brutal; but something about seeing Willow for the first time made me realize all of that didn’t mattered. Willow did.” I listened to Max’s words, a bit surprised that leaving the firm wasn’t as easy of a decision that Grace had made it to be. As a man, I can understand that want to be a provider and also be a present father. Being a lawyer meant you couldn’t be both. Grace had proved that to him early on. I want to let Grace know that it was okay to be both.

Before I was able to get deeper in thought, Willow runs out of her room with a tiny rattling baby toy.

“I don’t know how to wrap presents,” Willie said in a defeatist tone.

“It’s okay; Maki doesn’t know how to open presents yet,” I reassured her. I looked at Max who I caught smiling at both Willow and me’s banter.

“Say hi to your baby sister for me, Willow,” Max kneeled down before his daughter to say goodbye. She hugged him tight before giving him a kiss on the cheek. I couldn’t wait until Maki was old enough to do that, but then again I was perfectly fine with her being just a cute baby for now.

…

The nurse walks us to Grace’s room, smiling before she turned around to face us.

“The last I checked, mom was breast feeding,” she began to say. “Considering she’s been experiencing breast pain as she feeds Maki, we recommend that she take a couple of hours a day to pump milk.” I nodded my head, convincing myself I was going to remember all of this information right before a pivotal moment of Willow’s life.

“Thank you,” I said to the nurse. She smiled and walked away from the room, leaving just Willow and me.

“You ready, Willow Bean?” I said, about to turn the doorknob. When I don’t hear an answer back from her, I turned around to face her. It was then that I saw Willow seeming a bit nervous. “Willow?”

“What if she cries when she seems me? What if she doesn’t like me?” Willow shyly asked. I kneeled down to her level, knowing this was one serious conversation of many to come in the future. It was my responsibility to make sure that Willow felt as comfortable as possible in this situation. Willow was just as much of a daughter to me as Maki is, and I wanted her to know that going into this room.

“Maki just has to get to know you. Once she does, you’re going to be her favorite person.”

“Really?” Willow asked. I nodded my head, smiling at her.

“Yep, because you are her sister, and sisters always have a special bond.” Willow let out a deep breath, looking at the toy in her hand.

“Okay,” she finally said, now more confident. “I hope she’s ready to meet me.” Her willingness to try to do scary things is definitely something she picked up from Grace.

I stand back up and slowly open the door, peeking in. Grace looked up at me, smiling.

“Look who came to visit,” I playfully said, looking down at Willow. She nervously hid behind my legs, looking at her mom holding Maki.

“Hi, Willow,” Grace finally said with a huge smile on her face. “Come.” Willow slowly walked towards Grace’s bed, standing at the foot of it. Her eyes are glued on a cooing Maki.

I sat in the seat next to Grace, and picked up Willow to sit on my lap. She hid behind the toy in her hands, not really knowing what to do.

“It’s okay,” I reassured Willow. She slowly puts her hands down, leaning closer to her mother and Maki. Maki’s eyes are open wide as she looks back at Willow.

“This is Maki,” Grace introduced her to Willow.

“H-hi,” Willow nervously greeted. “I’m Willow, and your sister.” Maki cooed back, and moved her mouth what unseeingly looked like a smile. “I got you a present.” She shows Maki the little plush puppy with crinkly, floppy ears.

“Maki-ya, ige mwongayo,” I reacted, talking to Maki. “What is this? A puppy?” I looked up at Grace, happily observing this moment. I didn’t blame her, I wouldn’t want to miss such an important moment in our lives.

“Maki appreciates the gift, Willow,” Grace finally said, smiling at Willow. This was more something of my important moment in life.

Watching Grace still be present for Willow even in the midst of our lives changing was something inspiring. She doesn’t know just how good she is at balancing all the important parts of her life. It never had to be one or the other. It will never be how it once was ever again.

When Grace had left to Italy to see her mother’s last performances, I severely had trouble sleeping. It was like I needed to know if she was doing okay being away from her family after so long. The last overseas trip she was on was for the Ulsan dance production, which was the year prior. 

One night, I had a dream about a little duckling swimming on top of the pond. I fed the duckling some bread, watching it shake out its tiny feathers and peck at the floating piece of bread. The duckling cutely quacks and spends the rest of the afternoon being my buddy at the pond. Every time I saw that duckling in my dream, I was stunned by its presence. It was like I wanted to always be there with the duckling, the same way it wants to always be near me at the pond. 

It wasn’t long after until Grace finally came home from Italy, finding out we were going to have a baby.

I rushed Grace in the hospital, pushing her on a wheelchair to the emergency room waiting area. In there were people of many ages, and I couldn’t help but feel like we were going to be waiting here for a while.

I walked up to the nurses counter, giving her a slight smile. “Hi, I… uhm—“ I can hear Grace groan in pain at the corner of the waiting room. People were beginning to look at her. 

“My wife, she’s in labor—“

“Sign in please,” the nurse dismissed me and said, shoving a clipboard of all of the prior sign-ins.

“No, no; she needs to see someone now,” I emphasized, trying to get the nurses attention. “Her contractions are minutes apart—“

“You and everyone else in the emergency room have to follow the protocol,” the nurse spat back at me. “It’s on a first come, first serve basis.”

“Oh my god, the baby’s coming,” Grace wailed out. I turned around and walked over to her, beginning to get anxious. “Please—“

“Okay, okay,” the nurse buzzed open the door. I quickly pushed Grace to it, waiting the door slam shut behind us.

“We’re gonna be fine, Grace; everything is going to be alright—“ I feel a tug on my shirt, looking down at Grace. She seems to not be in a panic like she was just moments ago. 

“You sometimes have to,” Grace mentioned. I scoffed, amazed at what Grace is capable of even in midst of being in labor. 

It wasn’t long after that Grace got into a room and hooked up on the various machines around her. The doctor had mentioned that Grace was about 6 centimeters diluted. 

It was getting to be the late hours of the day, which meant that the engagement party was about to end. Grace lay in the hospital bed, napping after taking medication to manage the contractions. I sat at the other end of the room, next to the window on a chair.

“She’s okay, they just gave her some pain medication and now she’s napping,”. I said softly over the phone. 

“She’s napping right now, Sky,” I heard Shawn say away from the phone. “That’s good to hear. Did they tell you when Maki is suppose to come?”

“Grace has to fully dilate before they can set her up to deliver,” I explained, taking a deep breath afterwards. “Was the party okay?”

“Yeah, most people started to leave, telling us to wish Grace to get well soon. It was only me, Sky, Kevin, JooAh, her family and your family.” I could hear Shawn sigh before he spoke again. “They were asking so many questions and Sky became overwhelmed and told the families the truth. It took forever to calm everyone down.” I shut my eyes right before sighing loudly. “I told everyone you will keep us posted if anything happens.” 

“Thanks, Shawn—“

“Are you not scared?” He randomly asked me. “You seem so calm for a person whose first born baby will be here soon.” 

“I know, but I promised Grace.”

“Promised what?” Shawn asked.

“That I would be there for her, no matter what.” I stood by my word seriously, especially the more I found myself falling more and more in love with her. I knew I was allowed to feel everything like a human too, but I have to be strong for Grace when she can’t. “Between you and me, Shawn, I’m super nervous. What if Maki doesn’t like me? What if I can’t stop her from crying? What good I am if I cannot be—“

“A father?” Shawn asked, finishing the sentence. “Hyung, I think Maki already knows you’re going to be an amazing father to her.”

I couldn’t help but ruminate every single doubt I have in my body. Will I ever be able to be the father that my father was? What would I do differently about the things I didn’t like my father doing? Will my children be proud calling me their dad?

“I hope she knows just how much I already love her,” I said out loud rather than to Shawn. I look at Grace, sleeping peacefully as the various machines steadily beep. I look at Grace’s belly, realizing Maki will no longer be what her mother carried around for the last 9 months. Maki is going to love Grace.

“I think she does,” Shawn said. “Keep us posted, and here’s an early congratulations from me.” I smiled before saying goodbye to Shawn, hanging up my phone. I slowly walked back toward Grace, sitting in the seat next to her bed. She seemed to have been awake for some time. 

“Jagiya, you should be resting,” I leaned forward and said. 

“I couldn’t stay asleep for too long, all I kept feeling were the butterflies in my stomach.” Hearing Grace say that made my heart melt. Grace loves Maki so much already.

“Maki’s saying she’s excited to meet you,” I smiled as I said, holding one of her hands on mine, rubbing her belly. Grace scoffed as she adjust herself.

“I think she’s more excited to meet you,” she confessed, directly looking at me. “She’s gonna like you more than me.”

“I don’t believe that,” I sternly said, not liking the way Grace meant with that. “Right now, you’re the only person she knows. She actually has to meet me. She’s all ready to meet the person that carried her all these months.” Grace’s heart monitor literally skipped a beat. 

I held out my hand, placing mine into hers before I slightly squeezed it. “I’m actually nervous to meet her for the first time.” I confessed. 

“Jamie,” Grace cooed, feeling sympathetic. “She’s so excited to meet you.”

“Did she tell you that?” I teased back as Grace playfully rolled her eyes. 

“She always reacts to the sound of your voice when you enter the room,” Grace looked at her belly, caressing it. She smiled as she looked up at me. “She knows who you are. She knows you’re her appa.” I could feel the butterflies in my stomach now. I said nothing but kiss the side of Grace’s belly; a one final goodbye before we meet again.

…

The duckling revisited me in my dream. It swam directly to me, quacking in excitement. I kneeled at the edge of the pond, observing the baby duckling. The duckling fought until its two flippers were strong enough to hold its weight out of the water. I placed my hand out as it jumped into it, quacking in excitement. 

The sound of Grace’s moaning woke me up. At first I didn’t know what was happening until I remembered where I was. I checked the time on my phone; it was 3 o’clock in the morning, June 4th.

“Jagiya?” I called out, still half asleep. I finally snapped out of it once I heard Grace moan out my name. “Grace?”

“Where’s the nurse?”she instantly asked. 

“I don’t know, I just woke up—“

“I need the nurse, I need more pain medicine,” Grace said before letting out the loudest wail I’ve ever heard from her. It wasn’t long until the nurse came into the room, reading the numbers on the monitor.”

“Tell the doc she’s 10 centimeters dilated,” the nurse says to the assistant next to her. The assistant leaves, and the nurse walked over to one of the cabinets, taking out a surgeons gown. 

“Change into this while I get mom situated,” the nurse said to me with a smile on her face. I walked to the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I could hear Grace’s muffled screams. I let out a deep breath, looking at myself in the mirror. These are the final moments before forever entering fatherhood. 

I put the plastic gown over my head, tightening the rope around my waist. I put the surgical mask over my face and give myself one final look. 

It’s time.

I opened the bathroom door and walked back to where Grace was. She reached out for my hand, which I prematurely gave her. I did not realize how much strength Grace has.

“Fuck, fuck, fucking shit,” Grace commented through her recent contraction. Her grip made my hand turn a dark purple the way she was squeezing it. “Where… is the… pain medicine,” she asked, wincing in between. 

“We already explained that it cannot be administered during active labor—“

“And I said I don’t give a shi—“

“Grace,” I said, getting her attention. 

“I can’t do this,” she shook her head as she spoke to me. “I can’t, I can’t—“

“You’re doing so great,” I praised her, distracting her from the doctor and nurse prepping the delivery. “She’s so close to being here.”

“When is she gonna come?” Grace asked through her clenched teeth. 

“Any minute now, jagiya.” I pulled my mask down and gently kissed her on top of her head. We both looked down at where the doctor was,looking at Grace and I. 

“Mom is fully dilated, and baby is getting in birthing position. Okay mom, I’m going to have you begin pushing in a few minutes, okay? Dad, I’m going to need you to comfort her through it.” I pulled her hair away from her face, dabbing her with a towel. 

Grace screamed out in pain, throwing her head back after every push she made. 

“You’re going a great job, Grace,” I said to her, petting her head. Grace doesn’t say anything back, she starts to push when she hears the doctor telling her to push. I didn’t think someone can squeeze your hand into numbness. Grace screamed after every push, wincing in pain. 

“Okay, baby is almost here, I need the biggest pushes you can make!” The doctor said out loud. Grace pushed hard and screamed even harder. I screamed along with her, feeling her cripple my left hand in real time. 

“Grace,” I tried pleading with her, but it was no use. Grace wasn’t hearing anything I was saying at this point.

“Alright, one more big push,” the doctor said to Grace. “1, 2, 3; push!” Grace yelled out one final agonizing scream and pushed. Moments later, Grace gasps out loud before flopping back on the bed. 

All that filled in the delivery room was Maki’s first cry. 

I watched the doctor lift Maki in her hands before handing the baby over to Grace. Grace bawls out crying, holding Maki in her arms.

“Oh my god, Jamie,” she cried out, looking up at me. Maki settled down once she felt Grace’s skin. My heart felt so incredibly full in this moment. Grace looked down at Maki and cried so many happy tears. Hearing Grace cry after seeing Maki made me feel super emotional. 

I leaned in and kissed Grace’s forehead. “Jagiya, jeongmal manh-i salanghae,” I said to Grace before gluing my eyes onto Maki. My first born. My daughter.

…

Grace’s body immediately gave out once the nurse took Maki to wrap her in clothing. She seemed to be asleep so peacefully, as if her body gave all that it could to bring Maki in the world, and now its reward is a deep sleep.

The nurse entered the room with one of the newborn beds, bringing Maki in the room. I felt my heart flutter seeing her. 

“Ahh, mommy is still sleeping,” the nurse said to Maki. She looked up at me and smiled. “But daddy’s up to say hello.” She began lifting Maki from the bed, turning around to face me. “I think it would be best if you and Maki also have some skin time.” I immediately sat up from my seat, unbuttoning a couple of them on my shirt. The nurse unwrapped the cloth from Maki before handing her to me. My skin felt hot as soon as I felt Maki on my chest. 

“Maki,” I cooed her name, watching her tiny fingers explore along my chest. Aigoo, she is the cutest thing. “Maki-ya.” I smiled as she cooed on my chest. “Appa is so happy to finally meet you.”

She had a mixture of Grace’s auburn hue and my jet black hair.  She had such wavy hair; something she inherited from her eomma. It wasn’t until she slowly opened her eyes that I saw it. Maki had looked exactly like how I did when I was a baby. Her eye shape slightly resembled her Korean roots, mixed with Grace’s Italian-American roots. She was a beautiful blend of both her parents. 

“You know, I’ve dreamt about you for a long time,” I said to Maki as I held her on my chest. “I dreamt of this moment right here, holding you for the very first time. It was everything I dreamt of it being.” I smiled as I looked down on her, feeling her fall into slumber in my arms. “There’s so much I’ve dreamt about in life, but I never knew you would be one to come true.” Maki cooed, her tiny vibration of my voice warmed my body up. 

“Aigoo, you’re already so perfect,” I looked down at her. “You’re going to make it so hard for me to say no to you.” This type of love feels so different than love I felt for my family, for my friends, and even for Grace. I thought Grace had me wrapped around her finger for life, not realizing there will ever be a person above her to do that. Maki’s got me good, jagiya.

It was finally the morning of what would be one of the most important days of my life.

It was unseasonably warm for the beginning of June, so running around and putting the last minute things together at the Ashmore apartment definitely made us sweaty and tired. Even Grace, who’ve I told a million and one times already that she is to not lift a single box that is too heavy. I didn’t care if I caught her roll her eyes at me as I walked by, all that mattered was that I keep Grace from doing anything that would hurt her. 

I started to grow impatiently waiting for Maki’s arrival. Grace’s belly had stood up high, which my mother kept telling me that meant she was due any day now. It got harder for Grace to be mobile these days, so keeping her in her place for the sake of her possibly going into labor was something we needed to look out for. 

Grace groaned as she tilted her head back on me. I stood behind her with my arms wrapped around her belly, lifting some of the weight off of Grace. Maki was surely a healthy baby, considering she actually was a little on the heavier side.

“Man, I needed this,” Grace said as she closed her eyes. I looked down at her, smiling as I kissed her slightly sweaty forehead. “I can’t wait to feel this light again.”

“Soon, jagiya,” I said as I kissed her cheek. Grace finally stops leaning on me, holding her lower back once she turned her body to face me. 

“I love her, but she has overstayed her welcome,” Grace commented, crossing her arms along her chest. “Everything hurts, I’m emotional, I’m exhausted, and I have to stop being all of that for this engagement party tonight.” I looked around the apartment, watching everything being set up in their places. We were the only ones standing in the middle of the room. 

“I know, and it’s okay to need a break from everything.” It’s been a challenge to not only get Grace to relax, but to also listen to instructions she was given. “But we’re gonna have a great time with friends and family, all here to celebrate us.” Grace smiled at me before leaning into a kiss on the cheek, followed by caressing the spot. She looks deeps into my eyes, and I start to feel butterflies like it was the first time over and over again.

Before anything else could be said, a knock is heard at our front door, in which I walked over to answer. It was Shawn and Skylar, already dressed up with engagement gifts in their hand.

“Grace!” Sky excitedly said as she gave Grace a hug. “Oh my god, you’re so ready to pop.”

“Don’t even say that,” Grace nervously said, hitting Skylar on the arm. “That’s the last thing I need to happen today.”

“She’s suppose to come in June, meaning any day of the month,” Skylar said in a sarcastic tone. Grace rolled her eyes, wobbling for way to the table to straight out the tablecloth. 

“Hyung,” Shawn said as he walked toward me. “Grace looks… huge.”

“Ya, that’s how pregnant women look like,” I scolded Shawn, hoping Grace wasn’t around to have heard that. 

“No, I mean… you sure Maki’s suppose to come anytime this month? What if… today is that day of the month?” Shawn asked. I can’t lie, it was a worry I’ve had for the last week. As the week went on, I started to notice Grace grunt and groan more than usual when doing her normal routine. As much as I’m anticipating waiting for Maki’s birth, I don’t know if I’m ready yet for everything to happen. My daughter being born, to then make me a father, and Grace as my daughter’s mother happening all at once. Aigoo, I already feel lightheaded.

Skylar and Grace sat at the kitchen island putting decorations together. Mollie walks into the common room area, probably surprised to see this many people already in her house.

“Oh! Hi Sky! Hi Shawn,” Mollie greeted her niece and nephew-in-law. “God, you two look so good together. 

“Don’t give him a bigger head than he has, Aunt Mollie,” Skylar teased, ultimately kissing Shawn on the cheek afterwards. I see Weston coming into the room with a bunch of things needed for the party. I immediately run to help him out. 

“Here, I got this,” I said to Weston, grabbing the top two containers of things that he was carrying, I placed it down on the kitchen table. “Thank you again for letting Grace and I have the party here. I really can’t thank you enough.”

“Nonsense,” Weston brushed off. “She’s our daughter.” I looked at Weston, daydreaming of the day that Maki comes to me wanting a party of her own. She’s going to have the cutest birthday parties. “Speaking of Grace, how is she?”

“She’s hanging on hard,” I begin to say as I decorated the opening doorway leading into the apartment. “Maki is taking her time.”

“She’s just giving you and Grace time to be fully ready for her arrival,” Weston suggested, handing me the banner to hang up. “She knows today is all about her mom and dad.”

“I hope that’s her reason,” I nervously replied back, finally putting the last piece of tape at the end of the banner. It reads, “Congratulations to Jamie & Grace”. 

My family were the next ones to arrive, which made me even more nervous. They observed the apartment as they were walking in; thankfully, Shawn walked over to them, greeting them with Skylar and kept them company alongside Kevin and JooAh. It wasn’t long after that Weston and Mollie walked up to my mom, officially shaking hands as they meet for the first time. My mom has a huge smile on her face; I was glad to see that she liked Weston and Mollie. 

Everything was going as planned. Our friends and family intertwine for the first time, making this party feel incredibly real. Grace is my soon-to-be wife. Everyone was getting along, enjoying the party with the music and little dance floor in the middle of the Ashmore living room. 

It doesn’t take me long to realize that it’s been a while since I last saw Grace. I had let her in the hands of my sisters, which my sisters were now just talking to our mom. I searched the apartment to see if I could find Grace, and it wasn’t long that I noticed her figure outside of the balcony located in her parent’s bedroom.

“Jagiya?” I slid the balcony door open before calling out for Grace. She towards around to look at me before looking back out to the city, leaning on the balcony railing. “What are you doing out here?”

“I had to get away from the noise for a bit,” Grace sighed as she answered. She looked up at me. “I’m fine.”

“I wasn’t questioning that,” I mentioned, observing Grace’s body language. “Should I be concerned?”

“Jamie,” Grace sighed as she turned her body toward me. “I’m just feeling overwhelmed. I think Maki can sense it.” She rubs her belly in small circles, trying to self-soothe. Something doesn’t feel right.

“Is Maki giving you a hard time?”

Graces scoffs before she answers. “When hasn’t she been giving me a hard time—“

“Ya”, I reacted, not liking how she responded. “Maybe you should come inside, get some air or something. It’s too hot to be—“

“If you think you’re going to be the one calling the shots in this marriage, you are wrong,” Grace spat out. I was confused, not understanding where this was coming from.

“Really, Grace?” I deadpanned, not in the mood for her shenanigans today. 

“If I’m out here getting some air, let me get some air,” she turned around, now looking at me. “I have a ton of things on my mind and the last thing I need is you telling me what to do.” Before Grace can finish her train of thought, she winces in pain, holding the side of her belly. 

“Grace?” I said in a panic. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Grace said through her teeth, letting out one final deep breath. “I already told you I came out here for air. Maki has been going at it all day, which is annoying me—“

“Whoa, you’ve been feeling like this all day?” I started to out two-and-two together, hoping it wasn’t what I thought it was. “What if something is wrong with Maki?”

“Nothing… is wrong… with Maki,” Grace spat out through meditated breathing. The signs were all there, but it took me a moment to realize what was happening. I walked over to Grace, closing the gap in between us.

“Grace, I need you to be honest with me,” I said in a low voice, looking down at Grace. “Are you in labor?”

“No, no,” she waved the thought off. I wasn’t convinced.

“It’s okay if she decides to come today—“

“She’s not.”

“You don’t get to decide that.” I looked down at Grace, never taking my eyes off of her. After staring her down, her hard exterior begins to break down, and her panic starts to seep in.

“She can’t come today, it’s the engagement party,” she winced in pain, rubbing the side of her belly. “It’s too early for her to come—“

“We have to get you to the hospital,” I began to say, about to go back inside the apartment. 

“Jamie—“

“We can get there on time so that you’re situated in a room before she comes, and—“

“Jamie,” Grace finally gets close enough to grab me by the collar tightly. She leans forward in pain, all while trying to have control of the situation. “Do you hear yourself? We are in the middle of our engagement party.”

“If you’re in labor, Grace; you’re in labor. Maki has so sense of time to know what is going on right now.” I looked at Grace, who gradually begins to breathe in and out her nose, clearly having contractions. 

Grace squeezes her eyes shut to endure the pain of the current contraction, being exactly 7 minutes apart. Despite what was going on, one thing remained certain: Maki has chosen today to be the day. I grabbed Grace by the arm, helping her hold her balance. Nothing else mattered in this moment. Maki was coming.

“Let’s get you back inside—“

“I don’t want anyone to know,” Grace said in breathy words, walking toward the balcony door. “Everyone is going to freak out.”

“We have to tell someone what’s happening.” I sternly said. “We have to tell Shawn and Skylar.”

“They are the worst people to tell!” Grace cried out, trying to manage the pain. Grace finally sits down on the edge of the bed, rubbing her belly. I quickly opened the door of the bedroom, scanning the apartment for Shawn. Thankfully, where there’s food, there’s Shawn.

“Shawn,” I quietly said, trying to get his attention. “Shawn—“

“Hyung!” Shawn said loudly, causing some people to turn their heads.

“Ya, keep it down!” I whispered out loud. Shawn finally moved away from the food, towards the bedroom door.

“What’s going on?” Shawn finally asked.

“I need you to do me a huge favor,” I started to say, trying to remain as calm as possible.

“Mwo? What happened?”

“I need you and Skylar to host the night,” I said, looking directly at Shawn. “I have to take Grace to the hospital.”

“The hospital?!”

“Shhhh!” I spat back, seeing the people look around now. “You have to remain calm.”

“Did something happen?” Shawn asked.

I let out a deep breath before I spoke. “Grace is in labor.”

“Are you serious?!” Shawn said out loud. I tried my hardest to quiet him down, but unfortunately it was too late. I see Skylar look up at us, now walking toward our direction. Aigoo.

“What the hell is going on?” Skylar asked us, seeming annoyed at us. “Where is Grace? Her parents are—“

“She’s in labor,” Shawn nervously confessed. I wanted nothing more than to slap some sense into him. 

Skylar’s eyes widen. “What? Where is she—“ Before she could even finish her question, Grace is heard groaning and moaning in pain. Skylar looked at me before she barged into the bedroom.

“Sky,” Shawn tried to stop his wife. Me, Shawn and Skylar walked into the room as Grace was at the edge of the bed, hunched over.

“Grace?” Skylar ran over to her cousin, kneeling down in front of her. “Grace—“

“I told you tell them, not to bring them here!” Grace said out loud to me. She immediately winces in pain. her contractions are getting intense. 

“We need you to host the party for us. Don’t say anything to anyone,” I stated to both Shawn and Skylar. 

“Your parents, her parents—“ Skylar began to say to me.

“They will find out once Maki is born.” I give Shawn a stern look, needing this to be done. Shawn nodded his head, understanding what I was saying.

“People are going to start asking where you guys are,” Skylar debated with me as she fanned Grace with one of her mother’s magazines. 

“Tell them Grace wasn’t feeling good so I took her to urgent care,” I responded, needing this to be executed in the smoothest way possible. “Just please don’t tell anyone about Maki coming.” Skylar seemed perplexed, until she sighed and nodded her head.

I hear Grace loudly moan in pain, leaning back on the bed.

“Jamie,” Grace groaned out my name. I had to get her out of the bedroom without anyone seeing her. 

“Come on, jagiya,” I said to Grace, lifting her up with my arm. “Remember to breathe.” Grace looked at me, mimicking my breathing. I brushed away Grace’s hair away from her face, wiping the sweat off from her forehead. 

Shawn turns his body to face Skylar now. “Baby, I’m going to need you to act like we’re in an argument. Once everyone looks at us, Jamie will take Grace out to the front door.”

“Are you sure this is going to work?” Skylar said as Grace whaled out a painful moan. 

“It’s going to have to work,” Shawn reassures his wife. It’s the first time seeing Shawn take control like this, and Skylar actually following through. 

Shawn opens the door, looking at me and Skylar. “You ready?” Both of us nodded, watching his next move. I shouldn’t have put too much faith in Shawn’s plan. 

Shawn throws himself out of the bedroom door, acting shocked. “Are you serious right now, Sky?” 

“I’m being dead serious!” Skylar said out loud, closing the bedroom door behind her. I grabbed my keys and wallet from my nightstand, then immediately tending to Grace.

“Jagiya, I’m going to need you to trust me,” I kneeled down at her, holding her fisted hands. “I will get you to the hospital before Maki gets here—“

“Jamie, I’m not ready,” Grace pleaded, letting out a deep breath in between contractions. “I’m not ready to give birth yet. I’m not ready for Maki—“

“But she is,” I reassured her as best as I could. “She’s ready to meet us.” I looked at Grace, analyzing every expression on her face. I can tell she was scared and see the initial shock that this was really happening. I could see the million of questions scan along her face. Doubting herself. Thinking she can’t be everything she dreamt of being. Not knowing how to feel once Maki is in our arms. 

“Jamie, I’m scared—“

“It’s okay to be scared, but we have to move fast,” I told her, looking her in the eyes. “Let’s go have ourselves a baby, Grace.” I let out my hand for Grace to help her up. She holds onto my open palm tightly, slowly getting up from the bed. 

I opened the bedroom door, watching Shawn and Skylar argue in front of everyone as they watched. I quietly sneak out through the front door with Grace, getting closer to meeting our baby girl.