I didn’t realize just how much life tests your love until you find yourself in it.

After proposing to Grace on our babymoon, we both spent the following week celebrating our engagement and playing house in our Airbnb. Our relationship stepped into territory both Grace and I never been in before. First, Maki is only a few weeks away from coming into the world, and now we have a wedding to actually plan in the midst of it all.

Also, what Grace doesn’t know is that I’m secretly looking for a bigger space for us to move into all before any of these things happen.

In the recent weeks, I began attending these open houses, in hopes that one of them feels even remotely like the place I’d want my little family to live. After a long day of viewing space that felt like anything but right, I made it to Grace’s parents to pick up Willow for Grace.

The apartment door opens, and Mr. Ashmore stands there to greet me.

“Jamie,” Mr. Ashmore said with a smile.

“Hi, Mr. Ashmore.”

“Please, call me Weston.” Mr. Ashmore—Weston said.

“My apologies,” I responded. I see Willow running in the back, coming closer to the front door. “Hi, Willow Bean.”

“Jamie! Annyeonghaseyo!” Her soft, little voice greeted me using the Korean I’ve been teaching her. I’ve figured one way to help Grace connect her little family to ours is teaching her basic words in Korean. Willow may not be my biological daughter, she’s still a part of the family Grace and I are starting. Her younger sister will be half-Korean, and wanted to make Willow feel as included to her Korean infused family. If not for Willow’s presence in my life, I wouldn’t have realized just how much I wanted to become a father. Helping Grace raise Willow in the years we’ve known each other made me realize how ready I was to become a father.

Willow walks underneath Weston’s arm leaning on the doorframe, smiling showing her missing tooth spaces. “I lost another tooth!”

“I see,” I responded with a smile. “Did you put it under your pillow for the tooth fairy?”

“I did! She left me a $10 bill!” Willow excitedly said, waving the bill in her hand.

“$10? Weston—” Before I could finish my sentence, he gives me that girl grandpa look. “M-Mr. Ashmore, you didn’t have to put that much under her pillow—”

“Nonsense,” Weston interrupted me, waving his hand in dismissal. He greets me into the apartment, doing my usual admiration of the space. Even the sun setting out the window is shining through the apartment.

“How’s Grace?” He asked as he closed the door behind us.

“She’s hanging in there, but growing impatient,” I answered, reflecting on the many mornings I would find her talking to Maki in the kitchen, holding her belly as if it were a newborn baby.

“I’m glad she’s feeling excited, we’re all excited for you two.” I smiled, sitting at the kitchen table while Willow played a bit more in the living room area.

“Grace wanted to be here to give you and Mollie this,” I began to say as I pulled a small envelope from my pocket. “It’s the RSVP date for the engagement party.”

“You mean the one that you’re throwing in our place?” Weston teased, crossing his arms along his chest.

“You know how particular she can be,” I mentioned to Weston. “Because she wasn’t feeling well, I told her I’d come and get Willow.”

“Of course; Willow?” The little girl stood what she’s doing and turns around to face Weston. “Make sure that you packed everything in your suitcase. Jamie is going to be taking you home.”

“Okay, grandpa,” Willow said as she got up from where she was sitting and went into the guest bedroom where she typically stays in.

“Have you guys decided if you’re getting married before or after Maki is born?” Weston began his interrogation.

“After,” I confirmed. “Our main focus is Maki’s arrival. Plus, it gives us more time to plan the wedding accordingly.”

“It’s nice when you can celebrate with your little family. Mollie and I first got married about 4 months after Grace was born. She was so vocal and loud, she could’ve been the priest at the altar.” I couldn’t help but laugh, imagining a baby Grace with red, curly locks, squealing at the top of her lungs. Not much had changed.

I began to feel butterflies just thinking about sitting at the reception table with Maki curled up in my arms being the absolute perfect baby. Aigoo, I can’t wait for the moment I get to hold Maki in my arms for the very first time.

Weston finally opened the invitation up, looking at it as he read. “Wait, this party is in three weeks?”

“We are aware that it’s super soon,” I began to try to reason with him. “But that’s the only week we’re sure that Grace will still be some time away from her due date.”

Weston ultimately sighed in defeat, letting the girl dad in him go with it. Seeing just how much Weston is willing to do for Grace is how I hope to be with my own daughter. Maki, you’re not even here yet and you’ve got me wrapped around your tiny fingers already.

“I’ll let Mollie know once I get her from the airport this weekend,” Weston decided with. I nod my head, getting ready to get Willow back to Grace. “Willow Bean?”

“I’m almost finished!” Her tiny voice shouts, followed by squeaking toys and singalong plushies start to go off. The original mini-Grace.

“Anything with the open houses?” Weston asked and changed the subject. The only other person that knows I’m on the hunt to move was Weston; apparently his best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s cousin was a real estate broker and was the one to recommend me the spots to check on.

“All were beautiful, but nothing felt right,” I began to explain. “I have this vision that our starter home would be a 3-bedroom apartment in the city. They’re pricey, but with a deposit on one of them is all I needed to do to finally get a place of our own. The place we can call our home.

“Having that many rooms can make you feel like you’re paying more rent than rooms that don’t have any real use in them.” The Ashmore’s, for the most part, always had this apartment since Grace was in high school. The room was efficient at the time, but now have all these vacant rooms that are only lived in if we stay over for a weekend. “Getting Mollie to even consider moving into a smaller space is a task on its own.” Ya, I know exactly how that feels with Grace.

Willow finally opens her bedroom door, dragging her enormous bag along the floor. I laugh, getting up from my seat to help her out.

“Thank you, Jamie,” Willow politely said. She turned to Weston, giving him a hug. “See you later, grandpa!”

“See ya, kid,” Weston smiled as he gives her a high-five.

After having dinner with Grace and Willow, Max and his wife Mariam came to pick Willow up for the night. After a busy day, I expected our night consisted of Grace and I rotting in our bed, streaming the newest episodes of our favorite shows.

What I didn’t expect is making a visit to the cafe at 10 o’clock at night.

“Jagiya,” I said as I placed our drinks on our table in the cafe. “You know I love the cafe as much as the next person, but couldn’t have this waited tomorrow morning?”

“We made a pact that no matter what time it is, we make the big decisions here.” Grace stated. She placed her hand alongside her belly, rubbing small circles against it. It’s something she does when she’s feeling anxious.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she quickly dismissed, lifting her hand away from the spot. Her hand kept going back though, as if she was now using it as a coping mechanism. “Did my dad open the invitation?”

“He did; the first thing he mentioned was the sudden date.”

Grace sighed before she spoke. “I wish we had more time to actually prepare for this party. I feel bad that we’re throwing it at my parent’s house.”

“You know they don’t mind, jagiya,” I reassured Grace, wincing after taking a sip of an iced americano at this hour of night. I might be getting too old to be drinking it this late. “So, speaking of the engagement party—”

“Before we get there, I wanted to share something with you first,” Grace interrupted, smiling nervously as she spoke.

“Oh, okay,” I answered, not knowing where Grace was going with this. “What’s on your mind?”

“So, the inspection company gave me a call earlier today, and—good news, we passed it.”

“That’s great,” I said with a smile on my face. Looking at Grace, she seemed to not share the same sentiment. “Is there more?”

“Well,” Grace said as she began to fidget with her fingers. “I’ve done some thinking about the future of the academy. While I was happy that the space passed the inspections, I couldn’t help but feel differently about the space.” I tilted my head to the side, trying to understand where grace was going with this. It was times like this that I wish Grace wasn’t a “beat around the bush” type of person when having uncomfortable situations. Why is this uncomfortable for her in the first place?

“What are you trying to say?” I bluntly asked, needing to understand the severity of this conversation needing to be in the cafe. Grace let out a deep breath before breaking the news to me.

“I didn’t renew the lease for the studio,” Grace confessed.

My eyes slightly widened. “What?”

“The lease is up in June, and I chose to not renew the lease—”

“Grace,” I began to say trying to get my thoughts together. “The lease is up in June; the same month that Maki is expecting to arrive, and you didn’t renew the lease for the studio space?”

“For good reason,” Grace began explaining, going into her large purse and pulls out a thin folder.she flips it open before going through the small pile of papers, finding what she needed from it. “I’ve been looking at new space for the academy, and I—”

“Wait, wait; slow down,” I waved my hands, trying to fully comprehend the situation in front of me. “You’ve been searching for new places for the academy and didn’t talk to me about it?”

“Why? The academy is my business.” It frustrated me every time Grace seemed to forget that what we both decide to do individually will affect the both of us, especially now that we are set to get married.

“We’ve been over this before.”

“We have, and if I needed your help with this, I would’ve asked—”

“That’s not the point, Grace. The point is that the academy is a source of our income. Not only are we preparing for Maki’s arrival, but we’re planning a wedding. Finding a space for the academy wasn’t something we budgeted for the next year.”

“It’s not like I sold the business, Jamie,” Grace spat back, crossing her arms along her chest. “The academy is still a source of our income, and I’m just making decisions that will benefit our family in the long run.”

“But what about right now?”

“I understand we have to begin planning this engagement party, and we will—”

“Forget the engagement party,” I interrupted. “What about Maki?”

“We still have time until she’s born,” Grace confidently said. “The academy will be up and running by the time she does.”

“And then what? You’ll be on maternity leave and would then need to get a temporary choreographer to manage the academy—”

“You’re being super negative about this,” Grace spat out. “I thought you’d be happy that I finally made a decision for our long-term goals.”

I couldn’t help but scrunch my eyebrows, becoming angry at the conversation now. “Our long-term goals, or your long-term goals?” I asked. Grace’s eyes pierced through mine.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Grace, this sounds like a goal you’ve set for yourself, which I am not upset about. What I’m upset about is you’re not willing to prioritize the other important things that are happening—”

“So you just want us to sit here and talk about plans for the engagement party? Something that literally is only going to happen for one night and then it’s done?” Grace argued back. I couldn’t help but feel absolutely livid with Grace in this moment. How does she not understand it wasn’t about the engagement party at this point anymore? How does she not understand that a part of love is sacrifice? How does she not see just how much of myself I’ve sacrificed to be here with her?

“Forget the engagement party,” I spat out. “I’m talking about Maki.”

“Maki isn’t due until—”

“You’re doing it again.” I looked at Grace coldly.

“Doing what again?” She asked. I don’t answer her right now away as I try to find the best solution possible for this argument. I’ve known Grace for the many stages of her life; the ones that I absolutely fell in love with, and the ones that I hoped would never creep back. There was no doubt in my mind that Grace was the one I was meant to be with, to love, to spend the rest of my life with. Because of that, I have to say the thing I don’t want to say.

“You’re putting your career before your family again,” I responded. Grace didn’t immediately react. Instead, she looked at me with fear and fury mixed in her eyes. I couldn’t read her body language at that point, and I felt like I just allowed Grace to slip through my fingers, something I once did when going back to Korea for the first time.

I couldn’t help but feel like this was life’s way of testing our love, and how much we have of it for each other. What made matters more intense was that Maki, my first-born daughter, will be here sooner than we realize. I might’ve just strained our relationship saying what I just said. But, it needed to be said in order for her to understand.

“How dare you,” Grace finally said. “How dare you sit there and judge me off of something that you have absolutely no right to judge me on.” There were tears in her eyes, and she was now rubbing the side of her belly even more. “How dare you sit there and believe that I am putting my career before my child again knowing the absolute psychological damage it has caused me.” Grace abruptly gets up from her seat and grabs her things in a frenzy.

“Grace—”

“Fuck you, Jamie!” She yelled out loud, halting the entire cafe atmosphere. She held the side of her stomach, clenching the fabric of her sweater like she was in pain. My anger immediately turned into concern.

“Grace?” I went to hold her by the arm until she swatted it away from me.

“Don’t touch me!” She spat out, beginning to hunch over the table to lean on.

“Grace, come on; sit down—”

“I don’t need your help!”

“Ya,” I yelled out loud, which then prompted Bernie to come from behind the counter. “I won’t let you put yourself and Maki’s health in danger to prove some absurd point!” Grace looked up at me, her face changing from anger to pure panic.

“Grace?” Bernie said as he got to us, pulling out a chair for Grace to sit in. I immediately pulled my cellphone from my jacket pocket to dial 911.

“We need an ambulance at Bernie’s cafe, located on East 33rd and Madison,” I said on the phone, looking at Grace in pain. “I think my wife’s about to have our baby.”

The first year that I was back in New York, Grace and I avoided the “future talk”. That talk that had us think and talk about what we wanted for our futures, and how would that look like with the other person involved.

Grace would sit out on the fire-escape the nights she’d have these thoughts. As the year went on, she sat out there less and less, which made me think that Grace stopped having them; the thoughts where she questioned everything in her life. One night, I pulled the drapes away from the window and saw Grace sitting on the steps, sipping a can of Diet Coke wearing her pajamas and winter coat.

“Jagiya?” I called out. She immediately turned her head to face me. “You’re going to get sick sitting out there for too long.”

“I’ll be back in a minute,” she said, turning her head toward the street. I sighed, tying my robe around my waist and climbed outside of the living room window. Grace immediately turned her head again, watching me as I crawled out to the fire-escape. “Jamie—”

“I know why you’re out here,” I said. Her eyes widen, followed with a sigh.

“What gave it away?”

“You only sit out here when you’re thinking about ‘future talk’,” I answered, sitting next to her on the steps. “It’s been awhile since we had one of these—”

“Do you see us together in the next 5 years?” I looked at Grace, confused by her question.

“Well,” I started to say. “I see us together forever.” Grace rolled her eyes. That was not the reaction I was expecting.

“I’m being serious, Jamie,” Grace emphasized. “What if down the line we realize we were not meant to be? What if we just stop loving each other?”

“That’s not going to happen—”

“It did once,” Grace looked at me as she said. I scrunched my eyebrows, feeling a bit upset at her response.

“Despite popular belief, Grace; I never stopped,” I sternly stated.

“There was a point in time we both moved on, not ever thinking we’d see each other again.” I tried to read Grace’s facial expression to figure out what’s going on, and I couldn’t. It worried me. Was she falling out of love? Does she want something different for her future than me?

“But we are here now,” I defended. “Where is this even coming from—”

“I’m scared of the future, Jamie.” Grace looked at me with real concern in her eyes. I hate when her mind put her in that place. The place where she can’t trust herself when she feels even an ounce of happiness. The place where she doubts everything, thinking she wasn’t deserving of genuine love without there being repercussions behind it.

To be quite honest, I didn’t think Grace would come back to New York feeling this way after spending the last couple of weeks with her mother in Italy. When her mother invited her to come see one of the last dance shows for the production, I was excited for her. Grace has a special connection with the dance production; this time last year she was just finishing up the Ulsan production. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since I’ve been living in New York with Grace. I thought a lot of her doubts went away the longer time has passed, and after telling her time and time again that this was the real thing. No more flying back to Korea every couple of months. No more wondering whether or not it was the right decision to live in New York. I was here to stay with her because my future involved her in it.

“It’s completely normal to feel that way, jagiya.” I placed her hair behind her ear to get a better look at Grace. I leaned in and gently kissed her on the lips. “But one thing is for certain: I’m not doing this future thing without you.”

…

Grace insisted that she would come back from Italy to make it to the law firm’s annual holiday party with me in midtown tonight. As the time got closer to the party, it was taking Grace longer than usual to get ready.

I entered the bedroom as I was putting my tie on, and noticed Grace was sitting at the vanity still not dressed.

“Jagiya,” I said as I walked closer to her. She turned around to face me, worried written all over her face. “What’s wrong? Why aren’t you dressed yet?”

“I’m not feeling good,” Grace began to say. I crossed my arms and cocked an eyebrow.

“I’m starting to think you believe I fall for that every time,” I teased. “What’s really on your mind?”

“Fine.” She turned her entire body around and looked at me. “I’m terrified of seeing everyone at the firm.” When I first met Grace nearly 6 years ago, she was a lawyer, working on her first big case since being hired at the Carter Law Firm. She was the one that got me the job at the firm when I moved here earlier this year, so I was confused that all of a sudden, she was nervous about attending the holiday party.

“It’s been so long since you worked there,” I mentioned.

“Exactly! They’re all going to look at me and ask me how I’ve been and what I do now, especially if we see Ari there.” Ari was once Grace’s best friend before falling out a couple of years ago. It nearly destroyed Grace, knowing that the reason for their falling out was because… well, us.

“If it makes you feel any better; Ari and I do not even interact with each other,” I said, sitting on the edge of our bed facing Grace. “And even if she walks up to you; who cares?”

“I do,” Grace fought back. “I have nothing to say to her, but knowing how petty Ari can be she’s going to try to get to me.”

“Then don’t let her.” I leaned in and smiled for reassurance. “You think I care about what Ari thinks about you or me? There’s a reason she is a part of your past. Let her judge the person you once were because she has no idea just how amazing you are now.” Grace smiled, which was always a good sign. I kissed her forehead, getting up from the bed. “Now get ready to be the most beautiful person at that party.” Grace smiled as she rolled her eyes, facing her vanity mirror now.

…

The venue combined all of the subdivisions of the law firm, so needless to say the venue for the holiday party was extremely fancy. Grace and I entered the venue, looking around at the many dining tables with a dance floor in the middle. Grace decided to wear this beautiful sparkly red dress with her curly hair pinned back. She knows just how much I love red on her. I squeezed her hand and she looked up at me.

“Let’s go find our seats.” Grace nodded her head and walked with me to the guestbook. The table we were seated at were a bunch of other lawyers and their significant others that specifically worked in my division. As dinner began to be served, Grace barely touched any of the dishes that came out. It worried me a bit, reminding myself about her very complicated relationship with food over the years. I watched her play with every dish until the main course was served; the fish.

“Jagiya,” I whispered to her. “You have to eat something.”

“I’m not that hungry.”

“You barely ate anything today,” I pointed out.

“I’m fine, Jamie.” Grace was growing annoyed at me, but not as much as I was getting with her. “Stop monitoring me.”

“Then eat your dinner,” I spat back. “And more than a bite or two.” Grace looked down at her plate and slowly began cutting the fish, placing a piece in her mouth.

“Jamie Kim,” a woman’s voice said my name. I looked up from the table and immediately felt my stomach turn. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Hi, Ari,” I politely greeted. The last time Ari and I had a conversation was when I desperately went to her apartment, looking for Grace after missing my flight to Korea. I went looking for Grace to tell her how I felt about her. I was going to tell her that I was going to stay in New York for her that time. “Nice to see you.”

She smiled and looked at Grace. Aigoo, Grace is completely pale in the face. “I’m surprised to see you here, Grace. Nice to see you again after all this time.” Grace doesn’t say anything back, she just nervously bounces her leg underneath the table. I absolutely hate how Ari is making Grace feel.

“Grace is my girlfriend,” I confidently said, holding Grace’s hand. I could see it in Ari’s face how surprised she is to hear those words. “It’s not as surprising considering many of us here are with our significant others.”

Ari nodded her head and put on a fake smile before she spoke. “Enjoy the rest of your night,” she said, walking away from the table. I looked at Grace, still frozen in place in her seat.

“Jagiya, it’s okay.” I grabbed her hand and kissed the top of it, letting her feel the touch on her skin.

“I need to use the bathroom.” Grace began to get up from her seat, placing her napkin on the table. “I’ll be back,” Grace said before walking away. There was something off about Grace tonight. She seemed like she had something else on her mind and she wasn’t present. I watched her rush to the other side of the hall until someone’s voice broke my train of thought.

“Mr. Kim,” a man’s voice called my name. I turned around to see Mr. Carter standing there with a smile on his face. “I’m glad you were able to make it tonight.”

“Thank you, Mr. Carter,” I greeted, shaking his hand. Mr. Carter and I have had a rocky work relationship over the past years due to our different views and work ethic, but I respected him as an attorney. Plus, he was more than kind to allow me to join the firm again after our sour first impressions.

“Would you mind if we spoke about something privately?” he asked. I was nervous, looking towards the bathroom to wait for Grace to come back. “I will promise to bring you back in one piece, Mr. Kim.” He laughed as he directed me towards one corner of the ballroom, away from the tables and other festivities. He smiled before he said anything else. It made me sweat profusely in the suit I was wearing.

“What is this about?” I kindly asked, trying to stay as stoic as possible. Mr. Carter continued to smile, folding his hands together.

“The director of your division has given me a good word about the past couple of cases you were assigned to,” he began to say. “Myself and the other division directors are looking to implement an international division to our firm, and we all came to an agreement that you would be the perfect fit to manage it.” My eyes widened, surprised to hear this news. I couldn’t believe that the chance I made to come back to New York would result in me getting a promotion like this at a law firm.

“Mr. Carter, I’m honored; I’m just a bit confused in why this couldn’t wait until business hours… I mean, it is a party.” Mr. Carter laughed at my joke, which was relieving to an extent. Really; why couldn’t this wait until Monday?

“Well, I know this is very last minute, but the division is looking to be premiered at the International Summit at the beginning of the new year, and the sooner you were made aware to this, the sooner you’d be on the next flight to Singapore!”

I coughed, nearly choking on my own spit.

“Singapore?” I repeated.

“Yes! Isn’t that exciting?” Mr. Carter said enthusiastically. “With all due respect, this expansion has been in the works for nearly a year and a half, and once you came back to the firm permanently, I knew this would be the perfect position for you.” I looked at Mr. Carter before looking out towards the ballroom. I didn’t know how to feel about this. This was surely an opportunity that I know would be stupid to decline, but… I’ve only been back for a year. Grace and I have only been together for a year. What would this do to our relationship? I can’t leave her again for a job.

“Mr. Carter, I’m honored that you believe I am capable of managing such thing for the firm, but–“

“I know,” he interrupted to say. Does he really? “You need time to think about it, which is why I’ve set us up a meeting to meet with the other directors to further discuss in a week.” Mr. Carter pats me on the shoulder before getting close to my ear. “I think this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for you to do what you love while still being able to travel and visit your family.”

I watched Mr. Carter walk away, leaving me in the spot he dragged me in. I know something like this was something a younger Jamie dreamt about in law school. The nights that he spent studying for the BAR exam, missing important family events and even missing my own father’s funeral due to law school… this would make everything I worked so hard for worth it.

Before I was able to get any further with the thought, I notice Grace walking out of the bathroom at the corner of the ballroom. Aigoo, Grace!

I walked in between crowds of mingling people and tables to finally catch up to Grace. “Jagiya,” I smiled as I said. She turned around, seeming shocked to see me standing there. She looked physically ill. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Grace quickly dismissed. “Just… I had to use the bathroom.” I left it alone, not wanting to discuss the Singapore position just yet. Besides, it was easy to put it in the backburner when I noticed just how pale Grace was looking.

“Seriously, are you feeling okay? You’re super pale.” Before I was able to put my hand on her forehead, she slapped it away, growing annoyed with me.

“I said I was fine!” she spat back. I scrunched my brows together, upset that Grace was taking this route once again; the route where she’ll hide how she feels instead of swallowing her pride and ask for help. The last time Grace was this secretive about something was all those years ago, around the time she was struggling with her body taking on the dancer’s routine as an adult. I couldn’t help myself; I needed to know if this was more than just Grace having a bad day, or if it was a coincidence that she ran to the bathroom right after she began eating her food.

“You’re not throwing up your food again, right?” I bluntly asked.

“What?”

“Ya,” I was growing angry. It was beginning to feel like the first time all over again. “Don’t lie to me, Grace. Are you eating and throwing it up in the bathroom?”

“Are you being fucking serious right now, Jamie?”

“Answer the question.” I looked down at Grace, trying to not completely flip out on her.

“No.”

“You’re telling me the truth?”

“Fuck you, Jamie!” she spat out loud, tears clearly forming in her eyes. “How dare you ask me if I’m lying about something like that!”

“What the fuck am I suppose to think?! You barely ate your food, and when I told you to eat a couple of bites of the fish, you go running to the bathroom. This is exactly how it was a couple of years ago–“

“Fuck you for comparing me to a version of myself that was young, naive, and broken,” Grace yelled out. Broken. I totally forgot that was around the time that I had left overseas to go back home after–

Then, it happened. I squeezed by eyes shut, feeling puke on top of my dress shoes. The tables nearest to us fled the scene, and all that was there was just me and her, standing in the middle of the ballroom arguing about things we promised we’d never argue about.

…

I opened the apartment door with a shopping bag in my hand with all of the essentials to help Grace feel better. I dropped the keys in the usual bowl near the door, and looked around the empty living room with grace nowhere inn sight.

“Jagiya?” I called out, wondering where she could’ve went. Maybe she went to sleep after her shower. Maybe she’s just lying down and getting some rest now. In the midst of all the thoughts roaming through my mind, I placed the shopping bag on top of the small kitchen table, hearing something drop to the ground. I look down and mindlessly picking it up, not realizing that what I was looking at answered all of the questions I had for Grace earlier tonight.

I looked at the white stick with the word ‘pregnant’ written across the tiny screen.

I immediately knew where Grace was. I slowly pulled the curtain from the living room window, seeing Grace sit on the fire escape with a ginger ale in her hand. She didn’t turn her head to look at me. It’s like she said all she needed to say leaving that on the table.

“Grace,” I gently said, skipping the pet names and sweet nothings I usually call her by. “I’m sorry for acting the way I did tonight—”Before I could say anything else, she begins to indirectly talk at me.

“I found out in Italy,” she began to explain. “I knew something felt off while I was there. I just didn’t think this would be it of all things.” She finally turned her head toward me, looking at me with concern in her eyes. “I was horrified; being in a foreign country not knowing what to do.” I began climbing out the window and onto the fire escape, next to Grace.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I was scared to.” Those were some of the most heartbreaking words to hear from Grace. I looked at her, not knowing whether to be mad or sad at Grace. I was mad she felt the need to hide something like this until she couldn’t anymore, knowing what she knew. I was sad because we worked so hard to trust each other enough to have these discussions. It feels like we’ve taken almost a year’s worth of progress and threw it out when things got serious. I was sad she didn’t think of this as something exciting to share with me.

“Scared of what?” I pleaded, wanting nothing more than to understand her. She took a moment to think, as she was trying to search for the answers in my eyes. What are you so scared of?

“History repeating itself,” she began to say. “Having this happen and you end up having to leave again.”

“Aigoo,” I reacted, shifting my body to face Grace. “You are not giving us enough credit, and I don’t like that.”

“Credit?” She spat back. “What credit?”

“That we are now completely different people with better heads on our shoulders. Grace, you can’t cut our future short not knowing how amazing things can go.” She looked at me perplexed. Her thoughts were transparent on her head at that point. “Mr. Carter offered me the managerial position for the new International Division in Singapore.”

“Singapore?” Grace asked, worry in her voice. I nodded my head slowly before sighing.

“It was once a dream of mine to be recognized on that level as a lawyer; in that brief moment I thought I was finally getting what I worked so hard for this past year.” I could see Grace about to freak out at any moment, which meant I needed to explain myself quicker. “I declined the offer.”

“What? Jamie, that position is a big deal,” Grace debated. “For them to see your full potential in just a year is such a big deal—”

“That wasn’t a part of my 5-year plan for the future,” I admitted. “I wouldn’t have left my firm in Korea to come back to New York if that position was something I wanted for my future.” I pulled out the white stick from my pocket, holding it in my hand. “You are my future, Grace.” She didn’t say anything after that. She simply looked down at the palm of her hands to see the pregnancy test facing upwards with the tiny screen showing.

“Am I really?”

“That isn’t even in question,” I scoffed. “Let me remind you that I came back to be with you. Getting the job at this firm was just a nice add-on.”

“But this is your career we’re talking about,” Grace continued to debate with me. “I can’t let you settle for–“

“Settle?” I said as I chuckled briefly. “How can I settle if I already have everything I ever wanted for me?” I smiled at Grace, hoping she was able to see the picture as clear as I was. “There’s nothing to be scared of this time, Grace. I’m here. You got me.” I continued to smile at Grace, unable to keep my emotions at bay. She looked back down at the test, smiling at it. I couldn’t help but feel even happier for Grace in this moment. This is our time, jagiya.

She looked up at me and smiled softly. “I should’ve told you sooner. I was just afraid this wouldn’t be something you wanted.”

“Jinja? Really?” I asked, truly shocked. When Grace didn’t answer, it was my confirmation that she truly believed what she thought. “I know it must’ve been hard to bring up, especially since our history said otherwise. But, it’s called our history for a reason. It’s the reason why we get to try to build our future again, because that never changed. I’ve always wanted you to be the person I build it with.”

To my surprise, Grace kisses my lips softly, cupping my jawline with her hand. My body went warm; getting that giddy feeling knowing that Grace wanted the same things I did for us, and that in this timeline; we were finally ready to build on it.

“We’re having a baby,” Grace whispered to me, smiling as she did. I couldn’t help but smile even bigger, seeing Grace excited for this chapter of our lives.

“We are, jagiya,” I answered, kissing her forehead softly, looking out toward the city on our fire escape.

In Korea, the legal age when a person is officially considered an adult is 20. Being the youngest and only son in my family, my father considered me becoming an adult a big deal.

He was the one that took me out to the bar for the first time, and told me what beer to order at the counter. My father wasn’t a big drinker, but I could tell this father and son moment was something that he anticipated. At the time, I didn’t see the importance of it. I couldn’t understand that this was his last child, and his only son, becoming a man now. At times, I think back and wish I cherish that moment more with him, knowing what I know now and going through my first experience of becoming a father myself.

Needless to say, it meant a lot to me to talk to Grace’s parents beforehand; before asking her to marry me.

…

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay traveling to Brooklyn with Willow by yourself?” I asked Grace as she packed a bag on the kitchen counter. She turned around and smiled at me, placing her hands on my chest.

“Babe, I’m going to be just fine,” she reassured me as she wrapped her arms around my body. “Em and Cami literally live off of the Brooklyn Bridge; it’s like pre-Manhattan.” I still wasn’t convinced. We had just found out Maki was a girl at Grace’s appointment a couple of weeks ago, and every time she needed to go out and do something, I was now worried about the safety of both Grace and our little girl. I didn’t want Grace to feel like I was tracking her every move, but I also didn’t want to have the thought that something bad could happen to her when I’m not around.

“Call a cab.”

“Cabs are expensive.”

“Grace,” I sternly said looking down at her now. She rolled her eyes, letting go of me.

“Jamie, we discussed this,” Grace said as she walked away from me, toward her bag. “I’ve been a New Yorker longer than you have–“

“But you’ve never traveled to Brooklyn by yourself, pregnant, and with a 6-year old little girl,” I emphasized, crossing my arms along my chest. Grace scrunched her eyebrows, now seeming annoyed.

“You know I can’t be taking cabs and wait whenever you’re available to drive me to the places I needed to be, Jamie. Plus, Willow needs to learn how to take the subway–“

“She’s 6; she’s not gonna ride the subway alone for a long time.” Grace didn’t say anything after that, which meant that I won today’s pit-and-pat discussion. “I just want all of my girls to be safe.” Grace smiled after a sigh of defeat.

“Willow,” Grace called out. I turned around to see the little girl walk out of her room, seeming a little annoyed. “We’re gonna go to Susie’s house for the day–“

“Susie has her own room; why can’t I have one?” I looked at Grace, waiting for her to say something.

“We went over this already, Willow; we don’t have an extra room for Maki when she gets here–“

“But it’s my room,” Willow huffed. “I don’t want the new baby in my room.”

“Sisters are supposed to share a room–“

“So why don’t Susie and Carmen share one?” I looked back up at Grace, waiting for her to answer this trivial question. I could tell Grace was losing her patience at this point.

“Hey, Willow Bean?” I intervened, getting down to her level. “Is it okay if we have this discussion after your day out with Mama?” I put my pinky finger up, initiating a promise to the young girl. It took her awhile to budge. “I promise.” Willow hesitated at first, but ultimately pinky promised me. She walked off, grabbing her bag from the couch. “That’s my girl.” She doesn’t look back at us, she simply walks towards the front door.

I kissed Grace goodbye, giving her her purse. “Love you; call me when you get there, jagiya. And please, don’t forget to do so this time.”

“Okay, dad,” she sarcastically said, walking out the door. Just practicing for my next role of life.

…

Grace’s parents were not your traditional couple, but if there was one thing that Grace told me, it was that her parents were meant to be together. She explained how they met in high school, and dated for a couple of years before losing contact in college. After reconnecting through mutual friends, they began to date again, and it wasn’t long after that they had Grace. Her relationship with her mother was estrange for the first 17 years of Grace’s life, and has always been up and down due to their clashing, strong personalities.

If telling her father was scary, imagine asking her mother the big question.

I finally got to the Ashmore residence, letting out a deep breath before ringing their bell.

“Who is it?” A woman’s voice said.

“Jamie,” I answered. Soon after, the door opens to the apartment lobby; one step closer to me finally being able to let this off my chest. I get to the front door of their apartment and immediately start shaking out my hands.

“Ya, Jaemin, jin-jeong-hae,” I said to myself to calm down. I ring their doorbell, and Grace’s father, Weston, answers the door.

“Jamie,” he said, welcoming me into their apartment. I smiled and this time remembered not to bow to them. I can hear Grace’s voice scolding me not to do it.

“Hi, Mr. Ashmore,” I greeted. Grace’s mother, Mollie, walks out of the kitchen with a worried look on her face. “Hi, Mrs. Ashmore–“

“Is Grace okay?” she immediately asked me.

“Mollie, the kid just walked in,” her father said. I nervously rubbed the back of my neck, feeling my face get hot.

“Grace is fine; she’s with Willow on a playdate with Emerson and Camilla’s daughters at their house for the day.” I see Mollie let out a sigh of relief.

“I just didn’t think you’d be coming alone,” Mrs. Ashmore commented, finally pulling me into a hug. I take a seat across from Mr. Ashmore as Mrs. Ashmore sat on the armrest next to her husband. “But of course, we’re glad you came for a visit.”

“Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Ashmore.”

“Please, call me Mollie,” Mollie insisted. “Don’t give him a bigger head than he already has; you can call him by his first name.” Weston looked up at his wife, giving her a look. She immediately returns it back to him. So this is what years of marriage look like on a couple. I start fidgeting with my fingers, letting out a deep breath followed with a smile.

“I wanted to make a visit before Mrs.–Mollie goes back for the production.” I explained, trying to stay focused on the task.

“Trust me, I’m not looking forward to that plane ride back,” Mollie commented. “I’m just hoping that Grace doesn’t pop out Maki while I’m away.” My eyes widen, surprised. Weston immediately noticed the look.

“Something tells me we weren’t supposed to know the name and sex of the baby,” Weston laughed off.

“Fuck,” Mollie said and immediately covered her mouth. “Don’t blame Grace; I sorta kinda made her tell me.”

“You mean you pressured her,” Weston admitted. “All she had to do was cry in front of Grace and make her feel guilty.”

“All I did was show her the blanket I’m crocheting!” Mollie spat back, hitting Weston’s arm. “All she said was, ‘oh-my-god, she’s gonna love it’, and then well she couldn’t just tell me the sex without telling me her name!” I laugh along, not expecting Grace to keep secrets like this from her parents.

“It’s okay,” I reassured her parents. “I understand her excitement to share all of the big news about Maki.”

“And she’s remembering to eat and rest, right?” Mollie asked. I looked at her, seeing the concern in her eyes.

“Rest assured, I am making sure she does,” I firmly answered, relieving some of that stress from her mother. Grace would talk about how her mother has been “on her case” about these things, not understanding the sudden concern. I don’t argue with her, but despite how their relationship as mother and daughter went, Mollie is Grace’s mother, and mothers will always worry about their children.

Mollie gets up from the armrest. “Do you guys want anything to drink? Water, juice, coffee?”

“I’ll take a coffee, Mrs–Mollie; thank you,” I answered, trying to get used to calling her parents by their first names.

“I’ll take coffee as well,” Weston said as Mollie walked to the kitchen. There was a moment of silence between me and her father. God, maybe I should’ve been more prepared to talk to her father.

“You and Mollie have a beautiful space,” I said, trying to start up a conversation. Her parents’ place was a 3 bedroom apartment in the Lenox Hill area, not too far from Central Park. Whenever Grace and I spent the night here, we would stay in the guest room, or the “unofficial closet of Mollie’s dance attire. Seriously, it felt like sleeping in a museum exhibit.

“This was all Mollie’s doing,” Weston mentioned, looking around the living room area. “When I first moved to New York while Grace was in college, Mollie came over and said she felt like she was visiting someone’s hotel room rather than someone’s home. Little by little, she started moving in her things in here like pictures and home decor.” I nodded as I looked on the coffee table display, noticing a picture of Grace as a baby. I couldn’t help but smile. Ahh, jagiya as an agi.

“Grace is big with pictures too,” I said, picking up the baby photo of Grace. “This is one she hasn’t shown me though.”

“That was one that Mollie specifically put up,” Weston said. “The one she kept with her for years.” I smiled, placing the photo frame back down on the table. Undoubtedly, Grace’s parents loved her. Sure, Grace carries her past heavy, and it’s taken patience to understand and accept that she fights with that despite how good things are for her now. All I can do is make sure that Grace is loved now, in the present day, and for the rest of her life; as long as I’m here to do so.

Mollie comes back with the coffee for Weston and I. I thank her as I place the mug on top of a coaster on the coffee table. I cleared my throat before I spoke. This is it, Jaemin-ah.

“I wanted to come over and talk about something with you both,” I began to say, beginning to feel nervous. Mollie suddenly shifts in her seat next to Weston. “Uhm, uh–“

“Oh god, don’t tell me you and Grace are breaking up,” Mollie said out loud.

“Oh! No, no–”

“Geez Mollie, you’re making the kid nervous!”

“Look at his face, he looks like he’s about to puke–“

“Mr. and Mrs. Ashmore,” I intervened. Both her parents looked back at me. “I mean… Weston, Mollie. Grace and I are not breaking up. Far from it, actually.” I realized that the longer I dragged this out, the more time I gave Mollie to think of the absolute worst. Just speak from your heart. That’s the easy part.

I sat up straight, looking at Grace’s parents looking back at me. Before I can say anything, Mollie’s eyes widen.

“Are you and Grace getting married?!” she asked. Aigoo. I don’t say anything quick enough for Mollie to squeal in excitement. She quickly covered her mouth, keeping in the sound. I looked over at Weston, whose face depicts the opposite of Mollie.

“Mol,” Weston finally said, turning his face to his wife. “Can you give Jamie and I a minute?”

“Don’t scare the poor kid, Wes–“

“Mollie.” She looked at him, and the smile vanished from her face. She swallowed hard before looking at me, giving a smile of reassurance. Mollie walked out of the living room, closing the door behind her.

There was this uncomfortable silence between Weston and me. The air was thick, so it felt like the silence was choking me. I cleared my throat as I looked over at Weston. He picked up the baby picture of Grace from the coffee table, smiling down at it as he placed his fingers over the glass.

“The night Grace was born, Mollie and I were back in our small apartment in Brooklyn. It was my 25th birthday. We watched Halloween movies all night; she compromised watching some of my favorite thrillers.” He smiled as he spoke. “Grace was born around 11 o’clock that night. I was a nervous wreck in that hospital room. Mollie had to undergo an emergency surgery after Grace was born, so the doctors insisted I did skin-to-skin with Grace. I was the first person to ever hold her, look at her…my entire life changed in that moment.” Weston looked up at me. “You’ll understand when you hold your daughter for the first time.”

Weston doesn’t know just how many times I’ve had that dream at night, anticipating for Maki’s arrival.

“It was always me and Grace. She may not fully understand it, but my life became hers once she came into the world. As she got older, she definitely tested my limits with the decisions she made, simply because she was so much like her mother… the parts I didn’t understand about Grace. But I always think back to that first moment. Seeing her for the first time and in that moment devoting my life to protect her as best as I can. I just wanted Grace to be happy. That was something I always wanted for Grace.”

“Me too,” I said. I tried to gather my words and put them in sentences that made sense. How can I put everything that I’ve worked for the last year and half in words? “I have two older sisters, and only my oldest sister had the privilege to have our father give away her hand in marriage. He passed away a couple of years after, and understand just how important his role was in the family, especially now that I’m preparing to take on that role in my own little family.” Weston nodded his head agreeing with me.

“You will also dread this exact moment,” Weston laughed as he joked, fighting back tears. “The moment you let your little girl’s hand go.” I tightly smiled, empathetic to his feelings.

“Mr. Ashmore,” I began to say in a more serious tone. “I am undoubtedly in love with your daughter. That’s something that never changed despite our history. I still remember meeting her for the first time, and something about her captivated me. I knew that one day things would work in our favor, and that today would eventually happen because, I knew she was the one.” I let our a deep breath, feeling relief letting those words out. “Which is why it was so important to come here and ask you for your daughter’s hand in marriage.”

“You understand my hesitation, right?” Weston asked. I nodded, noting Grace’s past engagement.

“Absolutely,” I answered, not breaking eye contact with him. I was growing worried now, thinking Weston was going to say no. I mean, of course he would be questionable; he’s probably had this exact moment the first time; it’s pretty much the same thing! Grace is pregnant, now the man wants to marry her?! I would tell Maki ‘absolutely not’ if it was me–

“I’m always going to worry about Grace. She’ll always be my little girl.” He swallowed hard before clearing his throat. “But, I know she’s in good hands with you… Right, Mollie?” Weston called out. Mollie opens the cracked door of the room open, squealing in excitement.

“Please tell me you brought the ring to show us!” Mollie said, walking toward us and sat next to Weston. I laughed, digging in my jacket pocket to pull out a small box. I opened it, revealing the engagement ring to Grace’s parents.

…

I hear Grace’s keys jingling outside of our apartment door before opening it. I turned around to greet the girls until Willow stomped into the apartment all angry.

“Willow?” I said before she slammed her door shut. Grace walked in, looking just as pissed as Willow.

“You better go and talk to her, Jamie,” Grace demanded.

“What’s wrong with Willow?”

“I swear she’s 6 going on 16,” Grace said, dropping her purse on the island countertop and ripping her jacket off. “She had a whole tantrum at Em and Cami’s when Susie showed Willow her room, which was decorated to fit a little girl’s dream–“

“Is she–“

“Of course she’s still upset about the room!” Grace spat out. “And now she’s going to hate me because I can’t give her her own room and I just–” Aigoo, here come the tears.

“Jagiya,” I pulled her in for a hug. Comforting Grace has become a weekly occurrence these days, especially the more restricting her pregnancy has made things. “She’s not going to hate you.”

“I just don’t want her to think I favor Maki more than her or make her feel like the black sheep in the family,” Grace expressed out loud.

I placed my hands on her shoulders, looking at her in the eyes now. “She’s not going to think that, jagiya. Let me go and talk to her, okay?” She simply nodded her head. I kissed her forehead, walking towards Willow’s room.

I knocked on the door. “Willow Bean?” I cracked the door open, taking a glimpse inside the room. “Willow?”

“Leave me alone,” a muffled voice said. I opened the door, walking toward Willow whose faced down on her pillow.

“Can we talk?” She doesn’t answer right away. “Willow Bean?” She turns around to face me, eyes puffy and red from crying. “Ya“, I said, reaching for a tissue on Willow’s nightstand. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to share my room with the new baby,” Willow pouted as she said. “This is my room. All of my stuff is in my room.” I nodded as I listened to her.

“Why don’t you want to share your room?”

“Because this is my room,” she emphasized. “It has always been my room.”

“You’re right; this has always been your room,” I started to say. “But where will Maki sleep?” Willow shrugged her shoulders up, not really caring. Well said, Willow Bean.

“She can sleep outside,” Willow answered. Don’t laugh, Jaemin-ah. I gathered myself together before I kneel down on the ground before her.

“But you’re her big sister,” I started to explain. “She’s going to see you as the coolest person in the world.”

Willow’s eyes widen in shock. “Really?” I smiled as I nodded.

“Really. You know Aunt Lia wanted to be like Aunt Mina when they were your age. Sometimes, Aunt Mina was annoyed at her little sister, but she didn’t know Aunt Lia was following her because she looked up to her.

“Did they share a room?” I nodded my head.

“Ne, majayo; they did. Now they like to spend all of their time together and are now super close because they are sisters. But, it took some time.” Willow shifted in her seat, kicking her feet out along her bed to now face me.

“What if she doesn’t like me?” Willow asked with her head down, looking at her hands.

“Ya, Willow Bean,” I lowered my head until she saw me looking at her. “Maki is going to love you because she has you as her big sister.”

“Can I still have my stuff in my room?” I smiled, nodding my head.

“All of your stuff,” I answered. “But, Maki is going to have to have her stuff in here too.” Willow looked up in he direction that the empty crib is on the other side of the room. “Is that okay if Maki has her stuff in here too?”

“Only if she doesn’t touch my stuff,” Willow demanded. I laughed, getting up from the ground of Willow’s room.

“I’ll tell Maki for you,” I began to say. “Come on, Mama’s waiting for you to take your bath before bed.” Willow walks over to her dresser and opens up one of the drawers. I turned around, facing the doorframe of Willow’s room. Standing there is Grace, now with a huge smile on her face.