Category: The Unwritten Pages.

It was raining hard this particular summer night. I had just dropped off Milo at Mollie’s house, knowing the type of night I was going to have. Candlelit dinner, soft music, and a night just for Marielle and I. I got into the apartment, not prepared to see Marielle already sitting sat the kitchen table with her hands folded.

“Babe,” I said, placing the wet umbrella on the doormat. “I thought you were going to be out until later tonight–“

“It couldn’t wait,” she said, looking up at me. Her expression seemed worrisome, which made me feel uneasy myself.

“Uhm, sure,” I said, sitting in the seat across from her. “Is everything okay?” Marielle didn’t say anything back. “Marielle?”

“I have to tell you something,” she began putting together her words. “It’s… not easy to say–“

“You’re pregnant?” I asked, eyes widen in shock.

“No, no; not that,” Marielle waved off quickly. She sighed before she looked up at me. “I heard back from Oxford today.” I knew exactly where she was going with this.

“I’m sorry, babe.” I got up from my seat and sat next to Marielle, wrapping my arm around her. “I know how bad you wanted to get in, but maybe this is just a blessing in disguise. Maybe–“

“Milo,” Marielle shook her head as she called my name. “I got in.” In normal situations, we’d be jumping in joy as I pick her up and kiss her, congratulating her. Instead, we sat in silence; unable to celebrate.

“You’re declining the offer, right?” I asked. Marielle and I have been discussing our future plans considering she had applied for Oxford University for an intensive theater program. The program, in particular, was located at their London location; as in overseas and a thousand miles away from home.

Marielle scrunched her eyebrows. “I accepted it.”

“Marielle,” I said, unknowing what to do or say in this moment. “You didn’t bother discussing this with me before making that decision?”

“It’s my decision to make–“

“You’re in a relationship, Marielle; I’m not saying it’s not your decision, but you would think being in a serious, committed relationship, you’d think twice about making a decision like this.” I was annoyed at her, knowing that the root of our problems were about this program at Oxford. Marielle and I were at that stage in our relationship where I was looking towards marrying her. My future consisted of me raising my son with her by my side, calling her my wife and the mother of our future children. I envisioned this whole life for us, and hearing her choose otherwise after expressing my desire to build a future with her upset me.

“You know how I felt about this program,” she argued back. “You knew how much this program meant to me–“

“Apparently more than our relationship,” I scoffed, shaking my head. “Seriously Mari; if you knew getting accepted into this program was your endgame, then why string me along?”

“You’re being irrational,” Marielle spat out. “I could want both things, Milo. I want you and I want this program, but–“

“But what?”

“I–“

“What, Marielle?”

“I can’t let this opportunity slip through my fingers.” She looked up at me; her expression stoic and definite in her answer. She had played this scenario in her head numerous time before it became reality. She knew all along that she was going to accept the Oxford offer. “This could help me jumpstart my career in acting. Holder and I decided that–“

“Whoa, whoa,” I shut my eyes closed, feeling the fumes arise in me. “You spoke to Holder about this before your own boyfriend?”

“Holder got accepted into the program too; you’d know that he applied if you ever listened to me,” Marielle dug back, shaking her head in displeasure.

“Do you hear how ridiculous this sounds?! You’re running to London with your childhood best friend, who–sorry to say this– but has been secretly in love with you, instead of staying here with your boyfriend?”

“Not every friendship between a man and woman has a secret relationship agenda; Holder and I aren’t you and Jennifer.” I looked at Marielle, confused. It had been so long since I heard Jennifer’s name come across in conversation, especially after she had fled to North Carolina with her fiancée.

“What does this have anything to do with Pep?”

“Milo.” Marielle placed her hands together, trying to find the right words to say. “Things haven’t been the same with you since she left. I’m tired of feeling like I’m fighting with the ghost of another woman.”

“You’re putting this on me?“

“I’m not putting this on anyone but myself,” Marielle spat back. “I’m also not going to sit here and pretend that I don’t feel this way either.” Marielle looked at me with such an expression I never saw her have before. It was like she was mourning the loss of a life she thought she was going to have, versus the one she knew she wanted. “Things between us haven’t been the same since Jennifer left.”

I hate that she was right.

I slowly turned around to shut the ringtone of my phone off, not realizing that I was sleeping on the couch and not in my bed. I fell to the ground, wincing in pain. Fuckin’ hell, I’m too old to be sleeping on couches these days.

The door to my bedroom door open, and out ran Pep in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of my basketball shorts. She had something in her hands.

“Who’s there?!” she yelled out. I didn’t realize that it was still the middle of the night, and that it was a missed call from my mother who is currently traveling with my father in the Philippines for the summer.

“Pep, chill; it’s just me,” I said in a deep voice, still half asleep. “I was reaching for my phone and fell off the sofa.” Pep turned on the little lamp in the living room area as she walked toward me, helping me off from the ground. Pep rubbed her eyes, clearly half asleep herself. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

“It’s fine,” she began to say, pulling her stray hairs away from her face. “I’m just glad no one’s trying to rob your place in the middle of the night.” I couldn’t help but smile at her comment; she always knew how to lighten up the mood in situations like this.

“You can still have the bed,” I insisted, sitting on the couch now. She sat in the love seat diagonal from me. “Pep—”

“I’m not tired anymore,” she answered. “You think I’d just go back to sleep after waking up in a panic?” I smiled, nodding my head in agreement.

“Let’s hang in my office; I don’t want us to wake the kids,” I suggested, pointing her to the small room to the side.

I opened the sliding door as Pep stared inside the office. She walked in, observing the tiny space.

“This is a cute space for an office,” she commented, sitting on the small lounge chair near my bookshelf. I closed the door behind us, walking into the office to turn on the floor lamp.

“It was advertised as a walk-in closet, but figured I needed an office more than a walk-in closet.” Pep looks in the bookshelf, scanning all of the books stacked on there. “I have to organize those better someday—”

“The Perks of Being a Wallflower,” Pep read the cover of the book. “Didn’t we read this in high school?”

“Yeah, I thought it was a pretty good book.” She skimmed through the pages before stopping at the very last page.

“Waverly High School of the Performing Arts,” she said as she turned the book with the page facing me. “You never gave it back?” I felt uneasy, forgetting that I even had the book on my shelf. Seeing it made me remember why I did in the first place.

“I did,” I started to say, looking at Pep. “That was Gwen’s copy of the book.” I didn’t like to bring Gwen up in conversation, especially since this upcoming March will make it 10 years since she passed. It was always a sensitive topic for me, and even when Pep and I were closer, we never spoke about Gwen.

Pep quickly closed the book, seeming embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I—”

“She never got to finish it,” I began to say out loud, as if Pep asked in the first place. “I gave Waverly all of her textbooks, but I couldn’t get myself to return that one.”

“Did you ever finish reading it yourself?”

“No,” I answered. “I ended up failing English for that marking period.” Pep and I sat in silence, not really knowing what else to talk about in the witching hours of the night. Thankfully, Pep broke the silence with a sigh.

“I get it. It’s hard to let go of something that once belonged to someone that passed.” I looked at Pep, now looking into space while deep in her thoughts. She came back once she blinked. “Cullen was an Archie Comics guy. He always had a few on his nightstand; he wasn’t a ‘TV in the bedroom’ type of guy.” She smiled at me with a sullen look. “There are the only things I kept when I left North Carolina.” I looked at Pep as she spoke, processing all of the different memories and emotions of her past. I didn’t realize that both Pep and I share a common experience that has altered us as people. Losing Gwen changed my entire life. I’m still trying to get back to the person I was before she passed. I can only imagine Pep was now left to do the same thing.

“Does it ever get easier?” She asked, looking at me.

“Does what get easier?”

“The loss,” Pep answered, fidgeting with her hands. “The… mourning and grief part.” I wasn’t expecting her to ask me that.

“There’s always going to be a part of you that will mourn… but, it gets easier to manage with time.” I looked at Pep and smiled. “Be gentle with yourself.”

“Thanks,” she said, getting comfortable in her seat. Something about Pep was different since she came back to New York. She seemed wiser, more mature, but not the Pep I grew up with. She seemed to had lost her spark; who knows how much she endured when she was in North Carolina. I can sympathize with her, knowing how it feels to lose something you thought you’d have for the rest of your life.

Danny and Nicki found me in my apartment the day after Pep left for North Carolina. They had used the emergency key to come into my apartment, visibly worried for me.

“Milo,” Nicki said once she saw me sitting on my living room floor with a half drunken bottle of wine. “Where’s Milo?”

“At a friend’s house,” I said, staring into space. She didn’t bother asking what friend it was; she already knew where Milo was. She took the bottle away from me, getting up to place it on the table.

“Where’s Marielle?” Danny asked. Nicki shook her head at Danny, but it was already too late. I turned my head slowly, looking at Nicki and Danny standing there.

“She fled to London,” I nonchalantly answered. “We broke up—”

“Milo, why didn’t you say anything?” Nicki scolded as she helped me off the ground, getting me on the couch. “When did this happen—”

“It doesn’t even matter anymore,” I brushed off, getting annoyed. “I fucking lost my best friend.”

“I know how you felt about Marielle—” Danny added.

I shook my head. “Not Marielle,” I responded back. “Pep.”

They must’ve repainted the playground within the last year; I don’t remember the park looking like this when I was last here with Mollie. I only remember that last day because it was the day my mom needed to go to court to finalize paperwork for the divorce with our dad. Mollie feels like a completely different kid since then, and I can only hope that it’s not for the worst.

Milo and Mollie run towards the playground, excited to play for the afternoon. Sometimes I wish I could have days like this again.

“You’re okay, Pep?” I hear Milo ask me. I turned my head and quickly nodded, sort of like a reflex.

“Yeah,” I finally said, looking out at the kids. “Sometimes I wish I can go back to being a kid again. No cares in the world besides playing with your friends.”

“Yeah, but even as kids we were worrying about kid things,” Milo began to say. “At least we manage our problems better.”

“Do we really?” I joked around, smiling at Milo. He immediately doesn’t answer, which was no surprise to me. Some things about a person will never change, even with time passed. I sighed, changing the subject. “So, Nicki texted me last night about coming to Brooklyn for a visit sometime next week.”

“Yeah, Danny texted me too,” Milo looked at me, smirking. “Do we tell them that we’re on good terms now?”

“Is that what you think they’re coming down here for?” I asked, slightly laughing at Milo’s ridiculous, yet somewhat realistic assumption.

“How many times has Nicki only texted you about making plans? Because Danny does that shit to me,” Milo emphasized. I couldn’t help but laugh; they both were pretty bad at keeping things secret.

“Never in a million years did I think Milo Kamalani’s bestie would be Danny Campbell,” I teased. Milo did not want anything to do with Danny when Nicki and I introduced him to the friend group. For the first year of Nicki and Danny dating, Milo purposely avoided him but in the long run became friends; nearly best friends.

Milo laughed out loud. “I’ve grown and became more wiser.” I rolled my eyes, predicting how Milo was going to respond. I looked back out to the kids, noticing Mollie showing Milo a ballet move near the monkey bars. “Do you train Mollie in dance?”

I turned my head. “Train?”

“Are you her dance teacher now that you’re back in New York?” he asked.

“Mollie dances at an academy,” I began to explain. “I also dance at that academy, the adult division though.”

“That’s cute; two sisters dancing at the same academy,” Milo commented. I looked over t him and rolled my eyes as he laughed. “But seriously, why not try to become an instructor at the academy?”

I shrugged my shoulders before I answered. “I don’t want to work under someone calling all the shots.”

“But you’d be teaching dance,” Milo debated.

“Yeah, teaching dances that are approved from the head choreographer,” I said, leaning back on the bench. When I was in North Carolina, I had gotten the rude awakening from my own instructor, Clementine, about the reality of most adult dancers still in the industry. She mentioned that in this world, you’re either a person doing the dancing, or teaching the dancing; and teaching only meant obeying the creative vision that the owner of the academy had. I wanted more for myself, especially after this past year when all I was doing was wanting more for another person. “I want to teach my own choreo to my own dancers.”

“Is that why you’re studying business in grad school?” Milo questioned. I was surprised that he was able to out two-and-two together. I simply nodded my head as my response. I guess the revelation was bigger for Milo than I expected as he scoffed in his seat.

“I didn’t expect that from you,” he commented.

“Expect what?” I asked, seeming a bit harsh in the way I asked.

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way,” Milo started to defend. “I mean that it was something you never brought up before.” I waved my head, trying to ease some of the tension he was feeling.

“That’s because it was something I didn’t realize I wanted until I did.” Before I could get any further in the conversation, I hear Mollie scream at the playground, immediately grabbing Milo and I’s attention.

“Mollie?” I quickly got up and ran towards the playground. Milo followed right behind me. Mollie was laying near the swings, holding her left knee toward her torso. Milo was sitting next to her extremely anxious.

“I was swinging her and she wanted me to push her harder and when I did push her harder, I- i-”

“Milo, it’s okay,” I began telling the young boy, smiling at him to reassure him. “It’s not your fault.” He doesn’t say anything back, he just looks at Mollie and her massive bruise on her knee.

“Let’s take her back to my place to bandage it up,” Milo suggested. I nodded my head, looking back to Mollie. “Are you able to stand on your leg?” I try to get Mollie up by her arms, but she immediately winces in pain.

“Fuck,” she slips out.

“Mollie,” I scolded, slightly embarrassed for her language. Milo doesn’t seem phased by it. He kneels down next to Mollie, looking at her.

“I can carry you back to the house if you can’t stand on your leg,” he offered, looking at me for confirmation.

“Please,” Mollie cried out, holding out her arms for help. She puts her arms around his neck as Milo politely picked her up.

“She’s not too heavy or anything for you, right?” I asked, worried about Milo’s back giving out. Milo adjusts until Mollie is sitting comfortably in his arms.

“She’s fine, Pep,” he answered, beginning to walk towards the exit of the park. Before I was able to leave the swing area, I noticed Milo’s son was not following him. I turned around and see him standing near the swing Mollie was on.

“Milo?”

“I didn’t mean to push her so hard on the swing,” he pleaded, visibly upset.

“Hey,” I said as I walked to him, kneeling on the ground to get on his level. “Mollie is going to be fine. She just got bruised up on her leg, but she will be okay.”

“What if she hates me now? What if he doesn’t want to be my best friend anymore?”

“She doesn’t hate you,” I reassured him. “And she definitely doesn’t want to stop being your best friend.” Milo slightly smiled, feeling some sort of relief. “Come on; let’s go meet up with your dad and Mollie.” I get up and reached out for Milo’s hand. He placed his small hand in mine as we started to walk out of the swing area together, looking down at Milo wipe the last of his tears off of his cheek.

…

By the time we got back to Milo’s apartment and cleaned Mollie’s bruise, both kids were exhausted. Milo and Mollie fell asleep in his room while watching a movie in a pile of throw blankets and pillows making a tent. Milo closed his son’s bedroom door, walking back to the kitchen area where I was sitting.

“I’m sorry about what happened at the park with Mollie,” he began to apologize, sitting down in the seat across from me at the table. “I’ll talk to Milo about it tomorrow–“

“It’s okay; really,” I sternly said. “They’re kids–“

“Yeah, but Milo shouldn’t have been swinging her so hard. She’s a girl–“

“Kids don’t see the difference,” I emphasized. “Besides, Mollie is a Castro girl; we were born with tough skin.” Milo shook his head, smiling at my response.

“I just want him to know that he has to be more gentle when playing with girls,” he explained, sighing afterwards. “Milo had a rough school year. It was the first year that him and Mollie weren’t in the same class, and the bullying got out of control. He pushed one of the bullies; a girl. He was suspended for a week and a half despite the fact this girl had been bullying him all year.”

“That’s bullshit,” I said, shaking my head. It made sense why he blamed himself for Mollie’s accident. “And the girl didn’t get in trouble?”

“A warning,” Milo answered. “But because Milo physically hit the girl, he got in trouble. He was really shaken up about it, and thankfully we were able to take him out of that class toward the end of the school year.”

“I’m sorry to hear that happened,” I sympathized. “He was really upset about Mollie though. He was afraid she wouldn’t be friends with him anymore and nearly broke my heart hearing that.” Milo doesn’t respond, but the lack of one makes me think that possibly Milo lost a lot of his friends in that class, or what he thought were his friends. “But I told him that Mollie wouldn’t end their friendship over something like this.”

“You’re really good with him, y’know that?” Milo randomly commented. It took me off-guard.

“Not my first rodeo handling kids.”

“It took Milo months to get comfortable with Marielle,” he confessed. I was surprised on how honest he was being. “That’s partially my fault though.”

“Your fault?”

“I feel like I’ve introduced Milo to a lot of women in his life,” Milo began to explain. He sighed, playing with his glass on the table. “It’s a lot for a kid, y’know?”

“I mean,” I began to say, recalling my own memories growing up and watching my mom bring home a new guy every couple of months. In some sense, there was this relief I felt whenever my mom broke up with them; it was a brief moment where she felt like my mom, and not someone in her early 20’s with two kids, recently divorced from their dad. I looked directly at Milo. “Yeah, it can be.”

“But he doesn’t seem to be nervous around you. Maybe he remembers who you are,” Milo suggested. Milo’s son was 9 years old, and in those 9 years I’ve spent a lot of time with both Milo and his son. I couldn’t imagine Milo not remembering who I was; then again, who knows what was said or what was done in the year that we stopped talking. I don’t answer him back; I simply smile and let out a deep breath.

“Being in that park earlier brought back so many memories,” I said as I smiled tightly. “Like what do you mean I’m not 8 years old swinging on the tire swing?”

Milo cocked his head back, laughing out loud. “The tire swing has been gone for years.”

“Still,” I responded. “That tire swing was one of the best things about the park, besides the sprinklers during the summer.”

“Remember that time you threw the biggest water balloon over my head, and my mom was pissed because I had gotten my hair professionally done for our summer vacation that year?”

“Oh my god, yes!” I reacted. I remember kid Milo panicking, chasing me around the park because he was so upset at me. When did life get so serious?

“I’m glad the park is still here, even though so much of it has changed,” Milo reflected. I nodded my head, agreeing with him.

“Besides the memories.” Milo looks at me with a tight smile. I didn’t realize just how much of my memories had Milo in them. I knew that we’ve known each other for 20 years now, but in the year I was away, I never truly thought about my memories here in New York. Being back after so long has open the floodgates of memories, and it’s surprising how many involve Milo. I sighed, stretching in my seat. “I should get going though before it gets too late–“

“You’re more than welcome to crash here for the night,” Milo suggested. I looked at him, not knowing how to respond to that. “I can sleep on the couch and you take the bed.”

“You don’t need to do all of that,” I said, shaking my head. “I can take the sofa.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Milo–“

“Pep.” Milo said my name in a way a father would call his kid. “You’re taking the bed.”

“Okay, dad,” I teased, lightening the mood a bit. His tough, dad demeanor instantly vanished and laughed at my joke.

“I’ll get you a change of clothes,” Milo said as he got up from his seat, walking towards his bedroom. Never in a million years did I think I’d be sleeping over my best friend’s place like we’re kids again.

The summer was coming to an end and the last thing I wanted to do on the last days of summer break was work on lesson plans for the school year ahead. It was crazy to think that I’ve been working at Waverly High for the last 4 years; the class I started out with are now going to be seniors, getting ready to venture out into the real world.

I walked into the make-shift office I made for myself and sit at my desk. I let out a deep sigh, looking at the shelf of books next to the various picture frames on it. I immediately notice the one with Marielle and I. It was back when I visited her family in Seattle and we made the plan to go to the Space Needle.

I took the picture frame and shoved it into one of the filing cabinets in my office, too lazy to replace the photo with another one. I didn’t even have a photo to replace it with.

The doorbell rings, and I immediately go and answer it.

“Hey,” I greeted, seeing Pep standing there with Mollie. Pep smiled, and Mollie immediately entered the apartment once she saw Milo come to the front door. As usual, both kids run off to Milo’s room.

“Thanks for looking out for Mollie,” Pep began to say. “My mom just threw this at me without knowing my own schedule later today.”

“You know I don’t mind,” I answered, putting my hand in my pocket. “Especially Milo.” She smiled, followed by a deep breath. “Are you in a rush, or…?”

“Oh, uhm,” Pep nervously answered, trying to find the right words to say. I don’t say anything else; I opened the door wider, inviting her in. She looked at me, hesitant. “Thanks.” She walked into my apartment, looking around the small common area.

“Make yourself comfortable,” I said, picking up a pile of papers from the kitchen table. “I was going to start working on lesson plans, but who wants to think about back to school already.” Pep laughed, taking a seat at the table.

“Wasn’t ready for school as a kid, definitely not ready for school as a teacher,” Pep teased. I laughed, nodding my head agreeing with her. “You have a cozy place here.”

“Better than my parent’s basement apartment,” I mentioned, grabbing two cans of soda from the fridge, handing one over to Pep. She smiles as she takes it, noticing the can was a Dr. Pepper soda.

“You just got this apartment?”

“I’ve been here for almost a year,” I began to answer. I sat across from Pep, engaging in conversation. “September will make it a year. Milo’s getting bigger, and I felt like he needed a space of his own, clearly.” I pointed towards the closed bedroom door. I’m just glad I can trust Milo and Mollie behind a closed, bedroom door at their age.

“You’re lucky that you found something; my luck has been running thin since getting back to New York.” She huffs, leaning back on her chair with her arms crossed. “Kinda crazy to believe that I’d be the one living back at home nowadays.”

“Life has a funny way of showing you the things you want, but giving you the things that you need,” I commented. Pep nodded her head, taking a sip from her soda.

“Yeah, I need an apartment on a dancer’s salary,” she joked. “That’s nearly impossible.”

“It can’t be as bad as being on a teacher’s salary,” I joked around. She laughed, knowing that I was right. “Also, I was…lucky to get the opportunity to live here–“

“Your ex-girlfriend got you the place?”

“No,” I quickly defended myself. “It’s a 2-income apartment.”

Pep scrunched her eyebrows together. “Don’t you live here by yourself?”

“I work part-time on some nights,” I confessed. No one knew that I was working two jobs to make ends meet, and I wanted Milo to have the best childhood possible while he was still a kid. I refused to put my adult problems on him. Pep seemed surprised, but ultimately nodded her head.

“What do you do?”

“I work nights at a gym. Typical workout fanatics and marathon trainers usually come in during that time, so it’s pretty chill.”

“Milo working at a gym? Who even are you,” Pep teased. “You couldn’t even keep up doing the PACER test in high school–“

“Listen, I was a scrawny teenage boy in high school–“

“Even Connor ran faster than you, and he went on to Princeton for electrical engineering–“

“I know, Pep; I was in the same gym class as you were,” I spat back as she laughed. Some things truly never change about a person. “Anyway, it’s just an extra income needed to stay here.” I left it at that. I felt like it was inappropriate to talk about Marielle after everything that’s happened. Also, it wasn’t any of Pep’s business to know the grit of the situation. We just got on good terms.

“I get it. I was in the middle of getting my masters in business, all while working at the local academy in North Carolina, and now I’m going to have to take a gap year off to start my life over again.” I didn’t realize she went back to school. Pep and school were never compatible.

“A gap year?” I repeated. “I would’ve thought living back at home would’ve cut the cost of living by a lot compared to when you were living in NC.”

“The house was already paid for,” she mentioned. “The estate was in Cullen’s family name, so all we had to do was just keep the lights on in that place.”

“You didn’t have to work?” I asked. She shook her head.

“I danced, I studied, and I took care of Cullen.” I was annoyed that Pep minimized herself to fit a picture that someone else created for her. The Pep I grew up knowing would’ve fought like hell to get her independence. “Needless to say, I’m practically starting my life over. Finally.”

“Finally?”

“I did some traveling around the country. I rebelled,” Pep recalled. “It was like I was running on zero sleep, Red Bull, and adrenaline until I felt like I had no more left in me.”

“So you lived your crazy years in a span of a few months?” I asked.

“Crazy, as in psychotic, manic, and unpredictable as fuck; then yes,” she said, and not in a jokingly way.

“So you coming back to New York was because you needed to reset?” I asked. All I wanted was to get an image of what Pep’s life was like in the time we weren’t talking. It made me feel horrible knowing that this all was happening while I was sitting here, angry at her for everything that wasn’t her fault.

She nodded her head, followed with a sigh. “Trying to. It’s hard, carrying that–”

“Dad!” a kid’s voice yelled out. Both Milo and Mollie walk out of his bedroom door.

“-ish around,” Pep finished saying. “What’s up, guys?”

“Can we go to the park?” Milo asked me.

“The park?”

“Please! We want to go and play at the park!” Milo pressed his hands together, begging me to say yes. I looked over at Pep, watching the interaction.

“I mean, if Pep says it’s okay for Mollie to go,” I looked at Pep, putting the decision on her.

“Please Peppie!” Mollie begged. Peppie. Gosh, I haven’t heard that nickname in so long.

“Fine, fine; but don’t go crazy and twist your ankle or anything; you have a dance recital in a couple of weeks.” The two kids jump in excitement and run back to Milo’s room. I remember the days Pep and I would excitingly run back to my room whenever my family agreed to go outside to play.

“I guess we’re going to the park,” I confirmed. Pep smiled, getting her stuff and getting up from the table.

“Don’t you have errands to run and that’s why you dropped Mollie off in the first place?” I asked.

“No, I said I had a schedule, I never said they were errands.” I laughed, calling the kids out to get ready to leave the apartment.

It felt great walking into my mom’s apartment and feel the cool air from the air conditioner hit my face when opening the front door. My once tamed, curly bob is now up in a sweaty, tangled bun with strands too small falling out from the back. I placed my bag on the rack behind the door, letting out a deep breath.

“Mom, I’m home,” I shouted into the empty house. I walked into the kitchen and to my surprise, she wasn’t there. She didn’t tell me she was going to be out today. I grabbed a water from the fridge before I heard someone coming down the stairs. Not to my surprise, it’s Mars; my younger sister.

“Hey, Peppie,” Mars greeted, walking to he fridge to most likely find something to eat. Mars, short for Maryette, is currently home for the summer, and just wrapped up her junior year of college. Whenever she comes back home, she constantly is looking for something to eat. She closes the fridge after taking out a popsicle from the freezer. “I wasn’t expecting you to be home so soon.”

“Why; is Dennis secretly upstairs in your room?” I teased, sitting at the kitchen table. Mars rolled her eyes, sitting on the countertop across the table. “You know Mom doesn’t like when you sit on the counter like that.”

“Good thing she’s not home,” Mars commented, eating the popsicle. “She’s out with her boyfriend. You’ve met Alex, right?”

“I have… when he was with mom at the airport picking me up,” I added, remembering that odd introduction to my mother’s love life. Apparently, she was busy while I was in North Carolina last year. “Is Mollie upstairs?”

“Aunt Katie took her for the day to go to the beach with Jonah and them.” I nodded my head, looking around the small kitchen. “I thought you were hanging out with Milo today.”

“I was.”

“This is the quickest that you’ve come back home; do all people become old and boring once they get old?” Mars commented.

“I’m 25; not 45,” I began to say. “Plus, Milo and I aren’t… as close as we were. You weren’t home when we got into that huge fight.”

Mars’ eyes widened. “Wait, what?”

“Milo and I just started to talk when I came back here. For a year, we were no contact. We said some pretty fucked up shit about each other’s relationships and… yeah.”

“Yeah no; mom told me that much, I’m just surprised that you guys wouldn’t have spent more time with each other.” I looked at Mars, knowing exactly what she was trying to insinuate. “I heard he’s single–“

“Mars,” I reacted, holding the bridge of my nose. “How would you even know that?”

“I’m caught up on more drama than you think I am,” Mars began to explain. “Plus, there’s been days I had to come and pick Mollie up from Milo’s place and saw no trace of his stuck-up girlfriend there.” Mars was your typical little sister; she annoyed the hell out of you like a little sister, and tried to protect you like you’re the little sister. Needless to say, she didn’t like Marielle, Milo’s ex, that much when they were dating.

“Milo and I are just friends,” I said, drinking what was left in my water bottle. I walked to throw it out, passing Mars on the countertop. “We can’t master the art of being “off-and-on” the way you and Dennis are.”

“What can I say? I enjoy my independence–“

“Yet you’re always a baby whenever he’s around,” I teased. It was weird for me to talk about relationship stuff with Mars only because her idea of a relationship in her 20s is very different than what mine was. Dennis will probably be the man that Mars ends up marrying, that’s if she ever gets out of that young mindset and notices just how fast time is going. In the same breath, we all thought I was going to end up married with Cullen in NC, but I guess god has other plans for the Castro women.

“Enough about me and Dennis; when are you going to get out there and date again?” I turned around to face Mars, utterly surprised at her.

“Mars, I just got back to New York. There’s so much I want to do that doesn’t involve random dating–“

“Like what? Your clock is ticking, Peppie.” Mars implied. “You’ll be 30 in like, 5 years. You do not have the time you think you have left.” I was done talking to Mars and began to walk towards the stairs toward my room. Mars followed behind me. “I’m just saying Pep, when are you going to finally admit to yourself that you’ve been in love with Milo all this time?”

I stopped at the middle of the stairs, shutting my eyes shut before I turned around.

“I don’t know where you got that ridiculous assumption from.”

“I got it from you; remember your drunken escapade you were on when you came to visit me in Chicago at my college?” Mars reminded me. I surprisingly remember that night, going to all of the local bars full of college students thinking I could party the sadness away.

“Peppie?” Mars answered the door of her college apartment. “The hell are you doing in Chicago?”

“Baby sis!” I said out loud, hugging Mars tightly. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re in college!” I slurred my words as Mars guided me to her sofa. Dennis was across the room from me, in which I waved hi to.

“Where’s Cullen?” Mars asked. I looked at her, not realizing that no one, not even my own family, knew of Cullen’s passing. The smile on my face vanished, feeling the tears form on my face.

“He’s not here,” I answered, not realizing Mars took that in another direction. “I’m doing some traveling and thought I’d come see you.” I could see the confusion on her face, looking at Dennis for some help with this situation.

…

“Dennis ran out to get some things to sober you up,” Mars said, handing me a glass of ice water and a bag of Skittles. “He swears Pedialyte will do the job, but he clearly never heard of the Mars Method to sobering up.” I just let her ramble, not adding a word to the conversation. She looked at me with concerned eyes. “What’s going on, Peppie?”

“Nothing,” I quickly dismissed, looking down at my phone. “Just thought I could hang with the young college kids.” I hoped the joke would trigger something in Mars to make some sort of clapback, easing the tension in the room. She doesn’t.

“Mom said you haven’t called her in months. That’s not like you; to just fall off the face of the earth and not let your family and friends know—”

“Cullen died two months ago.” I finally said out loud. “His illness got to him and… yeah.” I finally looked at Mars with teary eyes. “After his funeral, I packed my things and I’ve been traveling ever since.”

“Oh my god,” She began to say. “Peppie, I’m so sorry. What didn’t you tell us sooner?”

“It was bound to happen,” I said, feeling numb. “He was getting sicker as the weeks went and mom was going through the divorce with dad, and with Mollie in the middle of all of this I just didn’t want to add on to the worries.”

“Your fiancé, aka the man you were going to marry, passed away. That’s a huge fucking deal—”

“It was more complicated than what it looks like,” I interrupted Mars, replaying the last moments I remember with Cullen. Despite looking like the perfect couple, we were far from it.

“Does Milo know?”

“Milo?” His name felt foreign in my mouth.

“He has to know you’re here—” Mars went and reached for her phone, presumably to dial Milo’s number. I snatched the phone away from her, which leaves Mars confused. “What are you—”

“Milo doesn’t know,” I spat out, putting her phone on the coffee table. “We aren’t friends anymore.” I scoffed, thinking about the last moments I had with Milo. “Selfish son of a—”

“What?! Peppie, what the hell is going on?” Mars demanded answers. At that point, the alcohol was deep in my system, and I was growing angrier at the situation regarding Milo.

“Fuck him,” I spat out. “He chose someone else besides me again. He placed someone else above me, again. I’m so sick of feeling like shit–“

“That his girlfriend though,” Mars mentioned. “Just how you would put Cullen above everything else–“

“I wouldn’t if I didn’t have to!” I spat out.

“What are you even talking about–“

“I miss him,” I finally broke down. I heaved in my little sister’s shoulder. She rubbed little circles on my back, trying to calm me down.

“I know you miss Cullen–“

“No,” I began to say through tears. “I miss Milo.”

…

It felt horrible having to have my little sister take care of me because I couldn’t. “I told you I was going to keep your secret, but I still have permission to bring it up every single time you try to fight this thing you have with Milo.”

“It’s one sided and it’s not a ‘thing’,” I debated back. “Milo and I just got back being on good terms. We’re pretending we don’t know a thing about each other.”

“Peppie…” Mars deadpanned, not convinced at all. “You can’t just pretend 20 years of your friendship with Milo never happened.”

“I can, and we are,” I concluded the discussion, leaving Mars to roam in her own delusional thoughts. I closed the door of my temporary bedroom; the room that my mom left as it was when I left a year ago. It was more of a time capsule of what my life was like before everything spiraled out of control. I was merely sleeping in someone else’s room for the time being.

I thought my life was going to be different. I thought I was going to break this eldest daughter cycle; the one where I finally live for myself and not for the people I loved. How do I even do that? I lived for a person I loved for a year and got nothing out of it besides heartbreak.

I walked to my old desk, one covered in various dance metals and photos on my bulletin board. I noticed I left the one of Cullen and I from New Years Eve; the night he proposed to me.

I immediately took it down, shoving it in the same drawer I shoved all of my memories in, including the ones I have of Milo and I.

Pep sat in the same booth we used to sit in when we were teenagers. She always preferred to sit with her back against the wall, facing the front door of the pizza parlor. She looked up once she saw me walk toward the table, sitting across from her.

“Thanks for meeting me here,” Pep said, folding her hands together on top of the table. This was the closest I’ve seen Pep since she’s been back in New York. I was able to see every single freckle speckled along her face. I can’t believe I almost forgot the minor details.

“Of course,” I simply answered, looking directly into her eyes. She shifted in her seat and cleared her throat, looking uncomfortable at first. I made the initiative to start the conversation. “About that drive–“

“It was stupid… the way that I acted,” Pep began to say, folding her arms along her chest. “It was–“

“I know,” I said, smiling at her. “Some things never change about a person.” I was shocked to see Pep smile after I said that, followed with a cathartic sigh.

“Milo’s gotten so tall,” Pep mentioned, shaking her head in disbelief. “He was just a baby.”

“You’re telling me,” I scoffed, smiling as I readjusted in my seat. “Now he’s a whole third grader. Do you know they give kids actual homework over the summer now? They expect them to have their multiplication tables memorized like the back of their hand.”

“Yeah, my mom mentioned it to me one day when I had to watch Mollie for a weekend. I told Mollie she could memorize them later, so I took her out for ice cream.” I laughed at Pep’s story. Some things truly never change about a person. Pep looked back at me before she continued speaking. “I feel like I owe that to her.”

“Owe what?”

“Time,” she answered, seeming a bit down now. “Leaving her behind in the middle of my parents’ messy divorce.” I nod my head, understanding where Pep was coming from. There were nights Lydia told me to look after Mollie when things got intense. I didn’t know much about their parents’ divorce, but I could tell that it was affecting Mollie more than she was leading on. It took Milo to tell me that Mollie was struggling for me to finally say something to Lydia. It seems like that’s when things finally quiet down. Their father had finally left, and the divorce was finalized before the year ended.

“You’re here now,” I reassured her without thinking twice. It was like it was second nature to be reassuring with Pep; it was like it was the only thing I knew what to do when it came to her.

“Thanks,” she simply said before letting out a sigh of relief. “You’re still teaching at Waverly?” I nodded my head.

“My fourth year,” I answered back. “My first class are now seniors, definitely ages a person.” Pep giggled, taking a sip from her cola before cleating her throat.

“Has much changed since we were there?”

“So much,” I began to say. “A lot has changed in the past year, yet alone–“

“7 years.” I looked at Pep at she finished my sentence. Some things never change, but others change in a blink of an eye. She smiled before sighing. “You don’t have to tip-toe around me.”

I was confused. “Tip-toe around?”

“About Cullen,” she bluntly said. I can’t lie; the last thing I wanted to talk about was Cullen; not because of his relationship with Pep, but simply the fact that I didn’t know how to talk about a man that was part of the catalyst of our friendship tarnishing, yet alone a man that isn’t alive anymore.

“I’m… sorry. For your loss,” I awkwardly said, shaking my head in distaste from the way it came out. “I know that’s probably the last thing you want. More condolenses.”

“You’re right,” Pep jokingly answered. “But, it’s appreciated.” She looked out of the window, sighing as she was in deep thought. “Today would’ve been our wedding date.” Oh. I didn’t know how to respond to that, or if Pep meant to say it loud enough for me to hear it. She looked at me afterwards and shook her head, as if the was trying to shake the thought away.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For everything I said about your relationship with Marielle. If she’s the one you plan to marry in the future, it’s best if–“

“Wait, hold on.” I was super caught-off guard. “Marielle and I aren’t together anymore.” Pep’s eyebrows cocked up, as if she was genuinely shocked. Did she truly not know?

“Oh,” Pep shook her head with her lips pressed together tightly. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine,” I began to say, sighing afterwards. “She had gotten an offer at Oxford that she didn’t want to miss out on. Her and Holder.” I swallowed hard, remembering the insecure version of myself that stood in our once shared apartment, accusing Marielle of cheating on me with Holder; her best friend from childhood. The same way she accused me of cheating on her with Pep; my best friend from childhood.

Pep’s eyes widen, taking in this newfound information. She nods her head okay, and says nothing else. I tightly smiled, shaking the intensity of this conversation out with my hands.

“But, that’s in the past,” I began to say, looking at her directly in the eyes. “And we have no control over what happened.” Pep looked back at me, deciphering the meaning behind my words. This wasn’t anything new with her; she’s done this for as long as I’ve known her. Sometimes, she misinterpreted them; other times she was right.

This time she was right in doing so.

Pep leaned back in her seat as she let out a deep breath. She smiled and put our her hand to me for a handshake. I was confused, and I was now the one trying to figure out what she was doing.

“Hi,” she began to say. “My name is Jennifer.”

“Huh?”

“But you can call me Pep.”

“Pep, what are you–“

“The only way we could move past this last year is to talk like we never knew each other. It doesn’t mean our past and our friendship are meaningless, but… let’s start over. Get to know each other all over again.” I looked at Pep, nervous about this random idea she came up with. That was also something Pep does, and the safest thing to do was follow along and to see things through. I put my hand out to her, shaking it politely.

“Hi,” I said as I smiled. “I’m Milo.”

I didn’t look back once I walked up the stairs to my house. I could only hear Milo sighing and slamming his car door shut. I hate the fact that he has to come into the house to pick up his son; it just makes the whole situation even more awkward.

I opened the front door, holding it open for Milo. I hoped that in entering the house, no one was hanging out in the living room to see me and Milo walk in with each other. It was bad enough that my mother had this misconception that I “came back for a certain reason”; that reason being to rekindle my long-lived friendship with Milo.

Of course, things don’t work out in the way I want them to, and everyone is in the living room when Milo and I come in.

My mom is on the couch, looking with her big eyes in my direction. My younger sister, Mars, is standing next to her boyfriend Dennis, while my youngest sister Mollie and Milo’s son Milo are sitting in the corner at a table. Oh. My. God.

“Peppie!” My mom greeted me before greeting Milo. “I wasn’t expecting you to be back tonight.”

“Nicki had a last minute appointment tomorrow morning.” I wanted to leave it at just that and not have to explain that Milo insisted to drive me back to Brooklyn, but of course Milo had to chime in somehow.

“I figured we were both going to the same place, so I gave her a ride home,” Milo added. I could feel the internal eye roll happen as he spoke.

“That was really nice of you, Milo,” my mom praised him as if he was doing her a favor of some sort. I looked over at the table where his son and my sister were sitting, watching the two kids get up from their seats. Milo’s son packs his things in a bag before putting it on, and walked in our direction.

It was surreal to see just how much Milo has grown since the last time I saw him. His hair was much more curly, and he was much taller than what I remember. God, I remember when he was just a baby. He walked to his father and Milo tussles his hair. The gesture was sweet.

“You’re ready to go, bud?” Milo kneed to his son’s height, smiling as he spoke. He nodded his head shyly, hiding behind Milo’s leg as he stood back up. “We’re gonna get going; thanks for watching Milo for me tonight, Lydia.”

“You know Milo is always welcomed here; you both are like family,” my mom smiled at Milo and his son.

The comment made my stomach turn, not because it bothered me, but because there was some truth behind it. My family housed Milo and his son when we were teenagers, two weeks after his girlfriend gave birth and tragically passed away after battling cancer. No one in my family knew that Milo had this secret life; one where he became a teen dad a day before his 16th birthday.

“Peppie, can you answer that? I’m feeding the baby,” my mother shouted from the other room. I rolled my eyes, getting up from the sofa while watching the new episode of some trashy VH1 dating show. I opened the front door and to my surprise it was Milo.

“Milo?” Milo stood there with a singular suitcase in one hand, a baby seat in the other. Milo’s face is pale and puffy. He looked defeated. Lost. Unable to speak even. I looked down at the baby sleeping soundly in the carrier.

“Who is it?” Mom shouted out loud. I didn’t know what to say. I froze in place, hoping that what I thought happened didn’t. The more time passes by, the more I realize it is. “Peppie?” I turned around and see Mom walking into the living room, in plain sight of the front door. She’s holding my baby sister, walking toward the front door. She immediately looked down and stood in place.

“Mom,” I began to say, trying to make sense of the situation.

“Whose baby is that?” she simply asked in an almost hushed tone. Before I was able to answer my mother, Milo spoke for the first time.

“This is my son, Milo.” I looked at Milo’s face as he spoke, sullen and absolutely crushing. He was spiraling down, and I needed to do something about it.

“Can Milo stay with us?” I asked quickly, not letting anyone direct the conversation. My mom looked so confused, as if seeing a 16-year-old boy call a baby his son wasn’t confusing enough.

But I knew why Milo was here with a suitcase and his son, and I know why his first thought was to come to me for help; because we were somewhat like family, and my mom knew that he was.

The front door shut behind Milo and his son. I turned around to see my mother smirking.

“So,” she began to say, amused. “Milo drove you home tonight, huh?”

“Mom,” I said, sighing at the thought.

“I’m just saying, destiny put you and Milo together in the same vicinity again.” My mom looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “Maybe it’s trying to tell you something.”

“Yeah; that I need to get my license so I can drive myself to places,” I said, walking toward the kitchen. My mom and I’s relationship got stronger in the time I was away from home. I felt like she was finally seeing me as an adult rather than just her daughter. This was one of those moments that she was balancing them both.

“You and Milo have been best friends since you were kids. You guys fight over everything and still made up.”

“What’s your point?” I asked, knowing my mom was sugarcoating the real conversation. The smile faded from Mom’s face, knowing her tactics from when I was a kid will not work on her 25 year old daughter.

“You just don’t drop someone that has always been like family,” she spat back, now in a more non-bullshit tone. “Plus, your sister is best friends with Milo’s son.”

“That has nothing to do with me,” I said nonchalantly, grabbing the bowl of fruit from the fridge. Mom swipes it away, grabbing my full attention. “Mom?”

“Pep. I know you so well. I know Milo just as well, and I know there’s been times in the past when… friendship crossed its boundaries into different territory–“

“Milo literally told me that Cullen was only going to marry me to be his caregiver, Mom! This was more than just a simple argument.”

“They’re all never simple when it comes with Milo.” I hated how right my mom was when it came to Milo. If there was any adult in my life that knew how deep my friendship with Milo was, it would be her. Still, it bothered me when she would remind me just how complicated our friendship was.

“Mom, this time is different. Things were said that shouldn’t have been said, and–“

“That never stopped you from being friends before.” I gave my mother this certain look, one that she knows it’s the face of uncertainty. Younger Pep would’ve been super angry at Milo, not talk to him for a couple of periods in the day, and then somehow meet up for pizza at the shop to talk things through. Even though I am older now, I feel like I am letting my younger self down by not trying to work things out with Milo. What if he doesn’t want to work things out? What if he’s still with Marielle and that’s why he’s acting the way he’s acting. I mean, I’m not being any better if I’m also holding on to the–

“Peppie?”

“Huh?” I snapped out of my spiraling thoughts, now focused on my mom. She sighed as she walked by, patting my shoulder along the way.

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can’t expect new tricks to make sense if you don’t know your old dog.” My mother spoke in ridiculous riddles in times like these; I’d like to believe she grew up watching too much 90’s family sitcoms or something. But, in a sense, I know what she was talking about.

I couldn’t sleep that following night. I stared up at the ceiling fan, spinning endlessly in its loop. One year and six months. One year and six months since Milo actually spoke to each other, and for one year and six months, my life was completely different. For one year and six months, I lived a life that I thought I wanted. One away from my family, away from New York, away from Milo.

How did we even get here? Did it have to take Cullen’s passing for me to realize I was living someone else’s life? Did it have to take me leaving everything behind in North Carolina for me to realize that New York was always supposed to be home? Did it take everything that happened in this past year and six months to realize that I was running from everything from my own life.

…

I nervously bounce my leg as I sat at the pizza booth; the same one I sat at when I was younger. The pizza shop didn’t change one bit since last being in here. It’s busier these days, as they aways were during the summertime. Every time the bell of the door rang I turned my head, looking at who entered the shop. You’re acting manic, Pep. I sighed, shutting my eyes for a slight second to ease the never ending thoughts.

“Pep?”

I looked up, seeing Milo stand there.

The house didn’t feel like home, even when Cullen was still here. It didn’t even feel like an empty house; it was just vacant space that I do not belong in.

I had left New York in 2016 mainly because Cullen needed to be closer to his family. Cullen was my fiancée, a man that I met back in college. He was an artist, and had a vivid imagination as he painted. He was passionate, and it took me falling in love with him to learn of his chronic disease. He was the man I was engaged to, with our wedding to come in just three months before he passed. He was a good man, so much that I never felt like a good woman. I felt like a caregiver living only for his life. A part of him knew that eventually that’s all that he saw in me.

I remember leaving every piece of furniture, appliance, and silverware behind, only taking the most important things to me. I returned every piece of dance clothing to Clementine, my dance instructor here in North Carolina. In the time I spent there, she was the one person that I was able to talk to and trust. She knew everything that happened between me and Cullen. She was the one that understood the pain I was going through when he passed away. She was also the one that encouraged me to come back home, reminding me that was always something waiting for me when I did. It’s been weird to go from living in a huge house to an apartment at my mother’s house, but at least I was able to come back to love and support during a time I thought I had lost it all.

Danny and Nicki were the people that had met me at the airport, welcoming me with open arms. I don’t think I’ve ever saw Nicki cry as much as she did when she saw me that day.

“Nic,” I said, trying to hold back the tears. She pulled herself out of the hug, giving me a good look before she said anything.

“I’m sorry, I’m just still in shock that you’re actually standing in front of me.” I smiled, looking down at her tiny belly. “You’ve obviously missed a lot.”

“I sure did,” I teased, smiling as I looked at both of my friends. “Thank you for picking me up today; my mom doesn’t even know I’m back in New York.”

“She doesn’t?” Danny intervened. I shook my head, which surprised them both.

“So, you’re just going to show up to your mom’s house like it’s nothing?”

“Yep.” Both Danny and Nicki stopped in their tracks, looking at me with this peculiar look on their face. “What?”

“Are you going to tell Milo?” Nicki asked. I haven’t physically heard Milo’s name in almost a year, so hearing it now sounds foreign to my ears.

“Why would I tell him?”

“Pep,” Nicki sighed as she said. “You do realize that we are also friends with Milo, right?”

“And what does that have to do with me?” I asked, crossing my arms along my chest.

“We also know Milo is still close with your family. His son is still really close to your sister.” I wasn’t surprised to hear that Milo’s son was still good friends with my youngest sister, Mollie; it was the fact that he was still so close to them, as if he was unofficially declared a member of our family or something.

“What Milo chooses to do with his son has nothing to do with me,” I dismissed, walking away from the couple toward the parking lot exit.

“Pep,” I hear Danny call out. I don’t turn around until I hear Nicki yelling my name now.

“Pep, are you serious?”

“Did you forget how Milo and I even stopped being friends?” I spat out, turning around to face the couple. “He said horrible things about my relationship with Cullen–“

“After you said horrible things about his relationship with Marielle,” Nicki spat back.

“Are you serious taking his side right now?”

“Pep,” Nicki said, crossing her arms along her chest. “We are not in high school anymore. We are too grown to be taking sides. I love you both, but Danny and I have more important things going on in our lives than to pick sides on something that was equally both of your fault.” I knew Nicki was right. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Sure, Milo and I have gotten into heated arguments before, but this one felt different. This one felt tiresome, and deep rooting all the way back to the beginning of our friendship. Friendship.

I sighed, keeping my stoic composure. “To answer your question; no, I am not telling Milo I’m back in New York.”

…

“Yes, we’ll be there tomorrow morning; thank you so much for reaching out to us,” I heard Nicki say in the other room over the phone. Danny, Milo, and I sat at their kitchen table awkwardly. No one said a word, and Danny knew better and not have us engage in conversation without Nicki’s supervision. Nicki walked back into the kitchen after her phone call, sitting next to Danny before letting out a deep breath. “Sorry that we have to cut this night short, but our OBGYN has an opening for us tomorrow that we can’t miss.”

“Is everything okay?” I asked, worried something was wrong with their baby.

“Everything’s fine, it’s just that this pregnancy has been high-risk for me, and they want to make sure that everything is going along alright.” I knew that Nicki’s pregnancy wasn’t easy for her since the moment she told she they were expecting. Knowing how hard they both have been trying to conceive since getting married, they moved extremely cautious to make sure everything was alright this time.

“Take it easy, Nic,” Milo said, getting up from his chair. “I should get going anyway; I have to pick up Milo to get him ready for school tomorrow.”

“What time is your appointment?” I asked Nicki.

“8 in the morning.” Fuck. I was supposed to be staying the night at Nicki’s and have them drive me back to Brooklyn in the morning for my dance class. I guess that suggestion is out the window.

“I’ll start getting ready to head on back to Brooklyn—”

“How? You don’t drive.” I looked at Nicki, not amused that she called me out.

“There’s something I discovered long ago called public transportation,” I said sarcastically. It made Danny snicker before Nicki gave him the evil eye.

“You’re not taking the train at this hour, Pep.” I turned around and heard Milo speak to me for the first time in over a year. “I’ll take you back to Brooklyn.”

“Why would I do that?” I spat back, crossing my arms.

“We’re both heading in the same direction.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“I’m not offering the ride, I’m telling you that I will drive you back to Brooklyn.”

“Pep, just take the fucking ride,” Nicki intervened, sighing as she stood in between Milo and I. “You’re not going to get a train at this hour anyway—”

“Fine, I’ll just walk back to Brooklyn,” I said, grabbing my things from the side table in the front hallway. I felt someone grab my shoulder and forced me to turn back around; it was Nicki, and she was visibly furious.

“Pep, I don’t give a shit about your past with Milo; I care more about your wellbeing and if I’m telling you to take the ride back to Brooklyn with Milo, I’m telling you to take the fucking ride back to Brooklyn with Milo.” She grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, which surprises both the guys in the hallway with us. “Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes,” I quickly answered. She let go of my collar, and stared directly at me. “Seems like you got the disciplinary mom part down packed.”

“Thank you,” Nicki said as she smiled. Pregnant Nicki would eat 1st grade bully Nicki for breakfast.

…

Milo and I didn’t talk much on the ride back to the city. I sat in the passenger’s seat as he drove, the radio playing music on low volume. I did not expect that one of the first things I would do while being back in New York was to be in the same car was Milo, let alone have him drive me home.

At a red light, Milo grabs his phone from the dashboard and starts texting someone. I looked at him, rolling my eyes as he’s probably texting his girlfriend or something.

“You’re gonna get a ticket,” I said out loud, not looking at Milo.

“We’re at a red light—”

“But the car is still on,” I finally turned around to look at Milo. His hair was longer than I remembered. Last year, he wasn’t even able to tie it up in a ponytail to get it out of his face. Now, his hair sits comfortably in one, hanging down his back. He also barely had any facial hair the last time I saw him too; now, he has something going on with his face.

Milo put his phone down and continued to drive, not adding anything to the conversation. I turned my head to face the window, wishing for this ride back to Brooklyn could go by faster.

“Are you back at your mom’s place?” Milo asked.

I turned around, annoyed now. “What makes you think I’m living at my mom’s house?”

“Pep, I’m just asking a ques–“

“Do not call me that,” I emphasized, pointing my finger at him. At another red light, Milo turns his head to face me again to speak.

“Do you think I want to be in this car with you, driving in heavy traffic back to Brooklyn after everything we went through?”

“Fine.” I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the passenger door, walking out onto the sidewalk.

“Pep–“

“Go!”

“Are you fucking crazy?! I’m not leaving you on the side of the road at 12:30 in the morning!”

“No! I’m walking home from here!” Milo stopped the car and got out of the driver’s side, now facing in my direction.

“Pep, I swear to God if you don’t get back into this car, I will personally put you back in it myself!” I stared at Milo, knowing that he didn’t really mean it. But, this is a version of Milo that I haven’t known for the last year and a half. I sighed and walked back to the car, entering it without saying a word.

The rest of the ride was quiet; we both didn’t even bother saying a word to each other. Growing up, you couldn’t get us to shut up on car rides. My mom used to take Milo and me to the amusement park as kids during the summer. We would talk about anything and everything that crossed our minds. It stings to sit here with Milo with nothing to say.

We finally got back to my mom’s house, and Milo parked the car in front of it. We just sat there for a moment before he sighed.

“Do you want to go in first?” he asked. I didn’t say anything else, I just got out of the car, never looking back at Milo. Pretending he doesn’t exist in my world anymore.

I buttoned up the last few buttons of my pink colored Polo shirt, as I truly believe Nic and Danny were having a mini-Nicki on their hands. I tied my locs up in a ponytail, preparing for another hot summer day.

“Dad,” Milo barged into my room in a panic. “Do you know where my music bag is?” I turned around, looking at him standing there.

“It would be in your room.”

“It’s not in there.”

“Did you check?” I asked, already knowing he didn’t.

“It’s not in there, dad,” Milo whined, panicking even more. “Mollie put her ballet shoes in my music bag when I was at her house and now she’s all like ‘where are my shoes’ and if I don’t find this bag with her ballet shoes in them, she’ll–“

“Milo,” I stopped him in his tracks. “Take a deep breath, bud.” I only continued once he actually let out a deep breath. “I know it’s somewhere in your room because I was the one that put it in there after you left it near the front door again.” Milo stood there with nothing else left to say. He turned around and sprinted out of my room. I shook my head, raising Milo has not been an easy task.

After dropping Milo off at Mollie’s house for the day, I start driving up to Valley Stream to Danny and Nicki’s house. I was nervous attending their baby shower, knowing that I was going to see a lot of people that we went to Waverly High with. God forbid I see Pep there… I don’t think she’d make the trip though for that.

In an attempt to try to get us talking to each other, Danny and Nicki always mentioned how every time they try to invite Pep to their house, she refuses to come back to New York. That bothered me, knowing that her family would love to get to see her every now and then and never would visit them. I would hate to be the reason why she wouldn’t come back, knowing that once she does, there’s no avoiding me, or Milo.

Before I knew it, I got to Danny and Nicki’s house. I walked toward their front door with their gift in my hand, and rang the doorbell. Danny answered the door.

“Milo,” Danny greeted as he pulled me into a hug. “Thanks for coming, dude!” I walked into their decorated house filled with blue and pink balloons, and some shaped as baby pacifiers. If I knew anything about Nicki, it was that she was going to go all out for their first child.

“Of course,” I smiled, walking down the hallway to where the rest of the party was. Nicki’s family were at one side of the room, talking to other party guests. I see some people from high school, all grown up into their own and nothing like the way they were 10 years ago.

Nicki gets up from one of the seats, smiling from ear to ear. She immediately pulled me into a hug.

“Milo!” She said happily. I hug Nicki tight, finally realizing that we were no longer the kids in the same 1st grade class, but now adults doing adult things in this world. “I’m sorry for being mean to you when we were younger. I never thought that the kid I used to bully in 1st grade would now be at my baby shower, welcoming my first baby and—” I pat her gently on the back, calming her down knowing the waterworks were about to start.

“Nic,” I reassured her, looking at Danny.

“Babe, let Milo sit down,” Danny suggested. Nicki immediately let go of me.

“Right! I’m sorry, my brain is all over the place today,” she explained, walking over to a few vacant seats in the main room.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” I said, sitting down next to Nicki and Danny.

“Was Gwen as emotional when she was pregnant with Milo?” Nicki asked.

“Very,” I answered. “Especially toward the end of it.” Nicki took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, as if she was processing just how far along she was. Someone called out Nicki’s name, excusing herself from both Danny and I.

“How are you holding up?” I asked. Danny’s visual expression on his face told the entire story.

“It’s… been a lot,” Danny said. “Seeing all these people here to celebrate us is…nerve wrecking. And then preparing for the baby’s arrival and—”

“Breathe, dude,” I reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “It’s all new to you two. It’s going to be scary and overwhelming, but you guys are at a good place in life. I mean, you have the support system to welcome your baby.” Danny smiled and nodded his head, nudging me in the shoulder.

“Thanks, dude. I’m glad that you’re a part of our support system.”

“Of course I would be,” I began to say. “Who else is going to be Uncle Milo?”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Danny said, standing up from his seat. “Once the party is over and everyone’s left, do you mind staying back for a few? Nic and I wanted to ask you something.” I nodded my head, agreeing but confused at what it could possibly be. Nevertheless, The party was beautiful, and both Nicki and Danny announced that they were having a girl, Daniela would be her name.

…

I helped clean up the main room area with Danny, as Nicki greeted the party guests out of the house. Danny kept turning his head toward the door, watching it every once in awhile. At some point, he immediately just stood there staring at the door, noticeably distracted by something.

“Bro,” I called out to him. Danny faced me, pretending I had his attention this entire time. “Nicki isn’t going to go into labor at the front door or something.”

“No, no; I know,” Danny quickly said as he continued to clean up. Danny was acting weird throughout the party; I deemed it as just nervousness at first, but maybe it was something that I should be questioning. I shrugged it off, hearing Nicki say goodbye to the last set of people. I heard the front door closed, and pitter patter from Nicki’s fuzzy slippers.

“Thanks for helping out, Milo,” Nicki said as she sat on the couch. I could tell how tired she was after today; I don’t blame her, I would be too after the amount of people that were here today. Danny walked over to Nicki, rubbing her shoulders as he stood behind the couch.

“That’s what friends do,” I said, tying the last garbage bag up. “Plus, Danny told me to hang back for something that he has not told me just yet.” Nicki turned her head and looked up at Danny. Danny continued to rub her shoulders and said nothing. “Something tells me this is bad news.”

“No,” Nicki quickly said, placing her hand on top of her stomach. “Absolutely not. Why would we ruin our baby shower and share bad news?”

“Because you guys have horrible poker faces,” I said, more jokingly than being serious. The doorbell rang, which made all three of us face at that direction. Nicki got up, and walked to the front door. I look at Danny, who looks like he’s sweating in literal puddles.

“Guess somebody forgot something,” I said, turning around to open the sliding door to take out the trash. It wasn’t until I turned around and heard a familiar voice; one that I haven’t heard in a long time. That’s when I saw her, standing with Nicki in the middle of the main room.

I shouldn’t have been surprised, but in that moment I was shocked. It was like I was looking at a hologram rather than an actual person. It was Pep.

Nicki was the first person to speak, clearing her throat before she did. “Now that everyone who is needed is here–“

“Nic,” Pep said, looking at Nicki. Pep’s hair was still curly, but now so much shorter. She’s not wearing her glasses, and it looks like she has a slight summer tan from the North Carolina heat.

“Dude,” I said to Danny as he wipes his face with a paper towel. Nicki pulls Pep into the seat next to her at the same time Danny pulls me down the seats next to him. This was an intervention.

“We both wanted to talk to you guys about something very important,” Nicki started the discussion. “I know these aren’t the circumstances you guys wanted to be in–“

“This couldn’t have been a phone conversation?” Pep interrupted. Nicki looked at her, clearly annoyed.

“Just because you and Milo don’t want anything to do with each other doesn’t mean anything to me,” she spat back. I looked over at both women, sitting in my seat in complete silence.

“Nicki is just trying to say–” Danny began to explain until Nicki got up from her seat.

“What I’m trying to say is that today isn’t about you, or you,” she said as she pointed at both Pep and me. “Today is about me, Danny, and our daughter. So, this is why I don’t care if you guys are not friends; you’re still our friends.” I looked over at Pep. Her legs were crossed and with her arms crossed. I remember Pep well enough to know this is what she does when she knows she’s wrong. She hated to admit it when she was, and she always felt a sense of love from her friends.

She never said anything else, and Danny decided to walk over to Nicki, clearing his throat.

“I’ll be the one to bring us back on track,” Danny said openly. “We wanted you both here when we tell you that you two are Daniela’s godparents.” Pep’s face softened and uncrossed her body. Sitting up, she looked over to her friend.

“Wait, are you serious?” Pep asked as she got up, pulling Nicki in a hug. “You want me to be a godparent?” Nicki started to tear up in the hug with Pep. I always appreciated the friendship they had with each other. In times of hardship, they always loved each other like sisters.

“You two mean so much to us. We practically grew up with you guys, and it means a lot to us to still have you guys here during the journey.” I smile at Danny as he put his arm around Nicki’s shoulders. I glanced over at Pep one last time for the night, somewhat hoping that this isn’t the last time I get to see her.

“One regular slice and one pepperoni slice,” I said at the counter of the pizza parlor, looking behind at their fridge of drinks. “Can I also get two cans of Coke as well?” It was quick getting the pizza slices for both Danny and I, and it was nice to have someone come back to our stomping grounds in the pizza parlor after all these years.

“Thanks, man,” Danny said as I handed out his regular slice. I guess growing up means you don’t swoon over the meat lover’s special slice anymore. “Man, I love Nicki, but she’s literally been scarier than all of the villains in a scary movie!”

“She’s 5 months pregnant, bro,” I reminded him. “She’s just now realizing that her body is carrying another human being.” I looked at Danny, who immediately got white in the face. “Plus, she’s Nicki. She sucks under stress.”

“I just wish I knew how to help her,” Danny said, seemingly genuinely worried. “When I see her in pain, it just makes me feel bad that I did that to her.”

“Bro, she was there when it happened,” I mentioned, hoping to make Danny feel better about the situation. “Don’t listen to her when she says she hates you for making her go through this. She is not going to mean it.”

“I still can’t wrap my head around the thought that Nic and I are about to be parents,” Danny admitted, pulling his hair back in a stressed way. “When did it hit you that you were gonna be a father?” Ever since they announced to me that they were expecting, Danny had these nonstop questions about the process and my experience with pregnancy, forgetting that my experience was completely different than his.

“I can’t say, to be honest,” I said, taking a bite out of my slice. “I couldn’t really act like I was going to be a dad at the age of 15.” Danny rolled his eyes, knowing he’s heard this explanation a thousand times in the last 5 months.

“But you had to feel like one at some point,” he argued back.

“Yeah, when Gwen passed away and was left being the one to discharge Milo out of the hospital,” I recalled. The day Milo was born was a chaotic one, and totally unexpected. In the span of 12 days, my whole world had turned upside down.

“I don’t mean to bring back bad memories,” Danny apologized.

“The birth of my only son isn’t a bad memory, it’s just an experience that can’t connect with yours. You’re married to Nicki. You guys live together in a nice house, planning a baby shower to celebrate the birth of your first child. Gwen and I didn’t have that.”

“But you still went through the motions of being a man getting ready to bring a child into the world—”

“I was a kid having a kid,” I corrected. “But I understand the feelings you are going through. They’ll always be there when you’re about to become a father.” Danny nodded at me, sharing an agreement to one another. There’s a slight pause before Danny finishes his canned soda; the hollow noise hitting the tabletop.

“So, when are you gonna have another kid?” Danny said bluntly. “My kid needs a friend.”

“Bro, what?” I laughed as I asked.

“Milo is getting older, dude; when are you gonna have another kid?”

“How the hell am I suppose to know?” I scoffed. “I don’t even have the time to clean my apartment, yet alone go out on a date with a woman.”

“You’re not dating anyone yet?” Danny asked as if it was the most shocking discovery in the conversation. “Are you still not over Marielle?” I felt my body tense up hearing the name of my ex girlfriend.

Marielle and I were students at the same college, and one of my electives as a junior was something she was taken towards her major. She was studying to be an actress and was pursuing this once-in-a-lifetime experience at Oxford, all the way in London. She told me late last summer that she got accepted into the program at Oxford, and was going to live in London for the next two years. Knowing that long-distance wouldn’t have worked for us, we both agreed to call it quits.

“I haven’t spoken to Mari since she left for London,” I emphasized. “Why try to date when a.) the women our age aren’t looking to be with a man with a kid already, and b.) eventually it’s not going to work out?” It was true; dating as a single father was strange, considering I’ve been a single dad since I was a sophomore in high school. Surely, women dated me later in high school and in college, but the elephant in the room was always my son knocking on my bedroom door when I had a woman over. Clearly, they never wanted a second date with me.

“So, that’s it? Mari leaves for London and Pep leaves for North Carolina with her fiancée—” My body tenses up to the sound of Pep’s name. Danny immediately stopped the thought and jumps on a new one. “Have you heard from Pep lately?”

“The last I heard was that her fiancée unfortunately passed away,” I said, recalling that conversation with Lydia one day. “Her mom told me, but I haven’t spoken to Jennifer—”

“Pep,” Danny corrected.

“I haven’t spoken to her since she left for North Carolina last summer,” I finished my sentence, dismissing Danny’s correction.

“I just don’t understand how best friends like you and Pep just have a huge falling out like that,” Danny questioned, finishing the last of his slice.

“You should know, you were there when it happened.” The last time Pep and I spoke was the night before she was leaving for North Carolina. She was moving closer to her fiancée’s family since he was dealing with a chronic illness. I was against her moving so far away from her family; she deemed it as jealousy for being able to move her life along while mine was forced to stay here because of my son. It was the last straw after breaking them in half to create more, but for the sake of Pep and me, we ended our friendship and communication there on that same night.

Before we got any deeper to the conversation, my phone rings on top of the table, noticing the number as the repairman. “Hello?… Yes, speaking… That’s great, thank you again.” I hung up the phone and began to get up from the booth. “Thank god they were able to fix my AC unit—”

“Dude,” Danny said as he put his hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay to let things go for the sake of your own future. Yeah, your whole world is your son, but don’t forget you’re allowed to include your own wants and needs into that world.”

At the time, I didn’t understand why Danny worded things like that. The more I analyzed this day out with him, the more I realized that him and Nic had something up their sleeves this entire time—

And I was the fool that fell for it.