Category: The Something Series: 뭔가 다른 것

In Korea, the legal age when a person is officially considered an adult is 20. Being the youngest and only son in my family, my father considered me becoming an adult a big deal.

He was the one that took me out to the bar for the first time, and told me what beer to order at the counter. My father wasn’t a big drinker, but I could tell this father and son moment was something that he anticipated. At the time, I didn’t see the importance of it. I couldn’t understand that this was his last child, and his only son, becoming a man now. At times, I think back and wish I cherish that moment more with him, knowing what I know now and going through my first experience of becoming a father myself.

Needless to say, it meant a lot to me to talk to Grace’s parents beforehand; before asking her to marry me.

…

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay traveling to Brooklyn with Willow by yourself?” I asked Grace as she packed a bag on the kitchen counter. She turned around and smiled at me, placing her hands on my chest.

“Babe, I’m going to be just fine,” she reassured me as she wrapped her arms around my body. “Em and Cami literally live off of the Brooklyn Bridge; it’s like pre-Manhattan.” I still wasn’t convinced. We had just found out Maki was a girl at Grace’s appointment a couple of weeks ago, and every time she needed to go out and do something, I was now worried about the safety of both Grace and our little girl. I didn’t want Grace to feel like I was tracking her every move, but I also didn’t want to have the thought that something bad could happen to her when I’m not around.

“Call a cab.”

“Cabs are expensive.”

“Grace,” I sternly said looking down at her now. She rolled her eyes, letting go of me.

“Jamie, we discussed this,” Grace said as she walked away from me, toward her bag. “I’ve been a New Yorker longer than you have–“

“But you’ve never traveled to Brooklyn by yourself, pregnant, and with a 6-year old little girl,” I emphasized, crossing my arms along my chest. Grace scrunched her eyebrows, now seeming annoyed.

“You know I can’t be taking cabs and wait whenever you’re available to drive me to the places I needed to be, Jamie. Plus, Willow needs to learn how to take the subway–“

“She’s 6; she’s not gonna ride the subway alone for a long time.” Grace didn’t say anything after that, which meant that I won today’s pit-and-pat discussion. “I just want all of my girls to be safe.” Grace smiled after a sigh of defeat.

“Willow,” Grace called out. I turned around to see the little girl walk out of her room, seeming a little annoyed. “We’re gonna go to Susie’s house for the day–“

“Susie has her own room; why can’t I have one?” I looked at Grace, waiting for her to say something.

“We went over this already, Willow; we don’t have an extra room for Maki when she gets here–“

“But it’s my room,” Willow huffed. “I don’t want the new baby in my room.”

“Sisters are supposed to share a room–“

“So why don’t Susie and Carmen share one?” I looked back up at Grace, waiting for her to answer this trivial question. I could tell Grace was losing her patience at this point.

“Hey, Willow Bean?” I intervened, getting down to her level. “Is it okay if we have this discussion after your day out with Mama?” I put my pinky finger up, initiating a promise to the young girl. It took her awhile to budge. “I promise.” Willow hesitated at first, but ultimately pinky promised me. She walked off, grabbing her bag from the couch. “That’s my girl.” She doesn’t look back at us, she simply walks towards the front door.

I kissed Grace goodbye, giving her her purse. “Love you; call me when you get there, jagiya. And please, don’t forget to do so this time.”

“Okay, dad,” she sarcastically said, walking out the door. Just practicing for my next role of life.

…

Grace’s parents were not your traditional couple, but if there was one thing that Grace told me, it was that her parents were meant to be together. She explained how they met in high school, and dated for a couple of years before losing contact in college. After reconnecting through mutual friends, they began to date again, and it wasn’t long after that they had Grace. Her relationship with her mother was estrange for the first 17 years of Grace’s life, and has always been up and down due to their clashing, strong personalities.

If telling her father was scary, imagine asking her mother the big question.

I finally got to the Ashmore residence, letting out a deep breath before ringing their bell.

“Who is it?” A woman’s voice said.

“Jamie,” I answered. Soon after, the door opens to the apartment lobby; one step closer to me finally being able to let this off my chest. I get to the front door of their apartment and immediately start shaking out my hands.

“Ya, Jaemin, jin-jeong-hae,” I said to myself to calm down. I ring their doorbell, and Grace’s father, Weston, answers the door.

“Jamie,” he said, welcoming me into their apartment. I smiled and this time remembered not to bow to them. I can hear Grace’s voice scolding me not to do it.

“Hi, Mr. Ashmore,” I greeted. Grace’s mother, Mollie, walks out of the kitchen with a worried look on her face. “Hi, Mrs. Ashmore–“

“Is Grace okay?” she immediately asked me.

“Mollie, the kid just walked in,” her father said. I nervously rubbed the back of my neck, feeling my face get hot.

“Grace is fine; she’s with Willow on a playdate with Emerson and Camilla’s daughters at their house for the day.” I see Mollie let out a sigh of relief.

“I just didn’t think you’d be coming alone,” Mrs. Ashmore commented, finally pulling me into a hug. I take a seat across from Mr. Ashmore as Mrs. Ashmore sat on the armrest next to her husband. “But of course, we’re glad you came for a visit.”

“Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Ashmore.”

“Please, call me Mollie,” Mollie insisted. “Don’t give him a bigger head than he already has; you can call him by his first name.” Weston looked up at his wife, giving her a look. She immediately returns it back to him. So this is what years of marriage look like on a couple. I start fidgeting with my fingers, letting out a deep breath followed with a smile.

“I wanted to make a visit before Mrs.–Mollie goes back for the production.” I explained, trying to stay focused on the task.

“Trust me, I’m not looking forward to that plane ride back,” Mollie commented. “I’m just hoping that Grace doesn’t pop out Maki while I’m away.” My eyes widen, surprised. Weston immediately noticed the look.

“Something tells me we weren’t supposed to know the name and sex of the baby,” Weston laughed off.

“Fuck,” Mollie said and immediately covered her mouth. “Don’t blame Grace; I sorta kinda made her tell me.”

“You mean you pressured her,” Weston admitted. “All she had to do was cry in front of Grace and make her feel guilty.”

“All I did was show her the blanket I’m crocheting!” Mollie spat back, hitting Weston’s arm. “All she said was, ‘oh-my-god, she’s gonna love it’, and then well she couldn’t just tell me the sex without telling me her name!” I laugh along, not expecting Grace to keep secrets like this from her parents.

“It’s okay,” I reassured her parents. “I understand her excitement to share all of the big news about Maki.”

“And she’s remembering to eat and rest, right?” Mollie asked. I looked at her, seeing the concern in her eyes.

“Rest assured, I am making sure she does,” I firmly answered, relieving some of that stress from her mother. Grace would talk about how her mother has been “on her case” about these things, not understanding the sudden concern. I don’t argue with her, but despite how their relationship as mother and daughter went, Mollie is Grace’s mother, and mothers will always worry about their children.

Mollie gets up from the armrest. “Do you guys want anything to drink? Water, juice, coffee?”

“I’ll take a coffee, Mrs–Mollie; thank you,” I answered, trying to get used to calling her parents by their first names.

“I’ll take coffee as well,” Weston said as Mollie walked to the kitchen. There was a moment of silence between me and her father. God, maybe I should’ve been more prepared to talk to her father.

“You and Mollie have a beautiful space,” I said, trying to start up a conversation. Her parents’ place was a 3 bedroom apartment in the Lenox Hill area, not too far from Central Park. Whenever Grace and I spent the night here, we would stay in the guest room, or the “unofficial closet of Mollie’s dance attire. Seriously, it felt like sleeping in a museum exhibit.

“This was all Mollie’s doing,” Weston mentioned, looking around the living room area. “When I first moved to New York while Grace was in college, Mollie came over and said she felt like she was visiting someone’s hotel room rather than someone’s home. Little by little, she started moving in her things in here like pictures and home decor.” I nodded as I looked on the coffee table display, noticing a picture of Grace as a baby. I couldn’t help but smile. Ahh, jagiya as an agi.

“Grace is big with pictures too,” I said, picking up the baby photo of Grace. “This is one she hasn’t shown me though.”

“That was one that Mollie specifically put up,” Weston said. “The one she kept with her for years.” I smiled, placing the photo frame back down on the table. Undoubtedly, Grace’s parents loved her. Sure, Grace carries her past heavy, and it’s taken patience to understand and accept that she fights with that despite how good things are for her now. All I can do is make sure that Grace is loved now, in the present day, and for the rest of her life; as long as I’m here to do so.

Mollie comes back with the coffee for Weston and I. I thank her as I place the mug on top of a coaster on the coffee table. I cleared my throat before I spoke. This is it, Jaemin-ah.

“I wanted to come over and talk about something with you both,” I began to say, beginning to feel nervous. Mollie suddenly shifts in her seat next to Weston. “Uhm, uh–“

“Oh god, don’t tell me you and Grace are breaking up,” Mollie said out loud.

“Oh! No, no–”

“Geez Mollie, you’re making the kid nervous!”

“Look at his face, he looks like he’s about to puke–“

“Mr. and Mrs. Ashmore,” I intervened. Both her parents looked back at me. “I mean… Weston, Mollie. Grace and I are not breaking up. Far from it, actually.” I realized that the longer I dragged this out, the more time I gave Mollie to think of the absolute worst. Just speak from your heart. That’s the easy part.

I sat up straight, looking at Grace’s parents looking back at me. Before I can say anything, Mollie’s eyes widen.

“Are you and Grace getting married?!” she asked. Aigoo. I don’t say anything quick enough for Mollie to squeal in excitement. She quickly covered her mouth, keeping in the sound. I looked over at Weston, whose face depicts the opposite of Mollie.

“Mol,” Weston finally said, turning his face to his wife. “Can you give Jamie and I a minute?”

“Don’t scare the poor kid, Wes–“

“Mollie.” She looked at him, and the smile vanished from her face. She swallowed hard before looking at me, giving a smile of reassurance. Mollie walked out of the living room, closing the door behind her.

There was this uncomfortable silence between Weston and me. The air was thick, so it felt like the silence was choking me. I cleared my throat as I looked over at Weston. He picked up the baby picture of Grace from the coffee table, smiling down at it as he placed his fingers over the glass.

“The night Grace was born, Mollie and I were back in our small apartment in Brooklyn. It was my 25th birthday. We watched Halloween movies all night; she compromised watching some of my favorite thrillers.” He smiled as he spoke. “Grace was born around 11 o’clock that night. I was a nervous wreck in that hospital room. Mollie had to undergo an emergency surgery after Grace was born, so the doctors insisted I did skin-to-skin with Grace. I was the first person to ever hold her, look at her…my entire life changed in that moment.” Weston looked up at me. “You’ll understand when you hold your daughter for the first time.”

Weston doesn’t know just how many times I’ve had that dream at night, anticipating for Maki’s arrival.

“It was always me and Grace. She may not fully understand it, but my life became hers once she came into the world. As she got older, she definitely tested my limits with the decisions she made, simply because she was so much like her mother… the parts I didn’t understand about Grace. But I always think back to that first moment. Seeing her for the first time and in that moment devoting my life to protect her as best as I can. I just wanted Grace to be happy. That was something I always wanted for Grace.”

“Me too,” I said. I tried to gather my words and put them in sentences that made sense. How can I put everything that I’ve worked for the last year and half in words? “I have two older sisters, and only my oldest sister had the privilege to have our father give away her hand in marriage. He passed away a couple of years after, and understand just how important his role was in the family, especially now that I’m preparing to take on that role in my own little family.” Weston nodded his head agreeing with me.

“You will also dread this exact moment,” Weston laughed as he joked, fighting back tears. “The moment you let your little girl’s hand go.” I tightly smiled, empathetic to his feelings.

“Mr. Ashmore,” I began to say in a more serious tone. “I am undoubtedly in love with your daughter. That’s something that never changed despite our history. I still remember meeting her for the first time, and something about her captivated me. I knew that one day things would work in our favor, and that today would eventually happen because, I knew she was the one.” I let our a deep breath, feeling relief letting those words out. “Which is why it was so important to come here and ask you for your daughter’s hand in marriage.”

“You understand my hesitation, right?” Weston asked. I nodded, noting Grace’s past engagement.

“Absolutely,” I answered, not breaking eye contact with him. I was growing worried now, thinking Weston was going to say no. I mean, of course he would be questionable; he’s probably had this exact moment the first time; it’s pretty much the same thing! Grace is pregnant, now the man wants to marry her?! I would tell Maki ‘absolutely not’ if it was me–

“I’m always going to worry about Grace. She’ll always be my little girl.” He swallowed hard before clearing his throat. “But, I know she’s in good hands with you… Right, Mollie?” Weston called out. Mollie opens the cracked door of the room open, squealing in excitement.

“Please tell me you brought the ring to show us!” Mollie said, walking toward us and sat next to Weston. I laughed, digging in my jacket pocket to pull out a small box. I opened it, revealing the engagement ring to Grace’s parents.

…

I hear Grace’s keys jingling outside of our apartment door before opening it. I turned around to greet the girls until Willow stomped into the apartment all angry.

“Willow?” I said before she slammed her door shut. Grace walked in, looking just as pissed as Willow.

“You better go and talk to her, Jamie,” Grace demanded.

“What’s wrong with Willow?”

“I swear she’s 6 going on 16,” Grace said, dropping her purse on the island countertop and ripping her jacket off. “She had a whole tantrum at Em and Cami’s when Susie showed Willow her room, which was decorated to fit a little girl’s dream–“

“Is she–“

“Of course she’s still upset about the room!” Grace spat out. “And now she’s going to hate me because I can’t give her her own room and I just–” Aigoo, here come the tears.

“Jagiya,” I pulled her in for a hug. Comforting Grace has become a weekly occurrence these days, especially the more restricting her pregnancy has made things. “She’s not going to hate you.”

“I just don’t want her to think I favor Maki more than her or make her feel like the black sheep in the family,” Grace expressed out loud.

I placed my hands on her shoulders, looking at her in the eyes now. “She’s not going to think that, jagiya. Let me go and talk to her, okay?” She simply nodded her head. I kissed her forehead, walking towards Willow’s room.

I knocked on the door. “Willow Bean?” I cracked the door open, taking a glimpse inside the room. “Willow?”

“Leave me alone,” a muffled voice said. I opened the door, walking toward Willow whose faced down on her pillow.

“Can we talk?” She doesn’t answer right away. “Willow Bean?” She turns around to face me, eyes puffy and red from crying. “Ya“, I said, reaching for a tissue on Willow’s nightstand. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to share my room with the new baby,” Willow pouted as she said. “This is my room. All of my stuff is in my room.” I nodded as I listened to her.

“Why don’t you want to share your room?”

“Because this is my room,” she emphasized. “It has always been my room.”

“You’re right; this has always been your room,” I started to say. “But where will Maki sleep?” Willow shrugged her shoulders up, not really caring. Well said, Willow Bean.

“She can sleep outside,” Willow answered. Don’t laugh, Jaemin-ah. I gathered myself together before I kneel down on the ground before her.

“But you’re her big sister,” I started to explain. “She’s going to see you as the coolest person in the world.”

Willow’s eyes widen in shock. “Really?” I smiled as I nodded.

“Really. You know Aunt Lia wanted to be like Aunt Mina when they were your age. Sometimes, Aunt Mina was annoyed at her little sister, but she didn’t know Aunt Lia was following her because she looked up to her.

“Did they share a room?” I nodded my head.

“Ne, majayo; they did. Now they like to spend all of their time together and are now super close because they are sisters. But, it took some time.” Willow shifted in her seat, kicking her feet out along her bed to now face me.

“What if she doesn’t like me?” Willow asked with her head down, looking at her hands.

“Ya, Willow Bean,” I lowered my head until she saw me looking at her. “Maki is going to love you because she has you as her big sister.”

“Can I still have my stuff in my room?” I smiled, nodding my head.

“All of your stuff,” I answered. “But, Maki is going to have to have her stuff in here too.” Willow looked up in he direction that the empty crib is on the other side of the room. “Is that okay if Maki has her stuff in here too?”

“Only if she doesn’t touch my stuff,” Willow demanded. I laughed, getting up from the ground of Willow’s room.

“I’ll tell Maki for you,” I began to say. “Come on, Mama’s waiting for you to take your bath before bed.” Willow walks over to her dresser and opens up one of the drawers. I turned around, facing the doorframe of Willow’s room. Standing there is Grace, now with a huge smile on her face.

“It has always been you.”

I nervously bounced my leg at the gate, looking at the screen for boarding. The sun is barely up, but the holiday lights are brightly lit back in New York City.

Kevin showed up late yesterday evening to drive me to the airport. After loading my bags into his car, we walked back into the empty apartment, grabbing the last things in there. Kevin stood near the doorframe as I gathered the remaining things. I only notice him when I look back up.

“Is it sinking in yet?” Kevin asked.

“Mwo? What?”

“Is it all sinking in yet? The empty apartment? The bags of luggage? Your passport and your carry on?” I didn’t think much of it. I was too busy trying to make it to my flight on time.

“I am going to the airport, Kevin.”

“With a one way ticket to New York City. You do know it’s gonna cost more to get a one way ticket back to Incheon?” I couldn’t help but smile, rolling my eyes as I patted his shoulder.

“I know, Kevin; I know,” I said, sighing. “I’m just trying to be the one keeping it together.” I knew how crazy it was to go across the world with nothing but your belongings, hoping that the woman you love loves you back. I knew that anything could happen once I land in America, and for me to not prepare for the worst case scenario meant just how mics I was willing to sacrifice this time for Grace.

“What made you solidify it?” He asked, walking toward me to grab a couple of things off the load. “How long have you sat with this decision?”

“She invited me to her last show,” I began to say with a smile on my face. “I wasn’t going to go initially. I had thought it would’ve been inappropriate for me to go considering what conspired the night Shawn and Skylar were leaving for America. But, it was bothering me. The thought lingered throughout the day, and I felt myself feeling sad about not seeing her dance. I couldn’t help knowing the last memory I’d have of Grace is of her dancing at her final show of the production. I went to her show with the intent that was going to be the last time I got to see Grace.” I reflected, playing with the passport book in my hand.

Kevin looked confused. “So, what changed your mind?”

“The moment she stepped on stage and danced.”

…

By the time I got to New York, it was the following morning. The sun was barely up, and the winter wind was frigid at this hour. I checked into my hotel and immediately dropped my bags onto the bed and headed back out. I needed an iced Americano only from the cafe.

I missed the cafe like it was home. In the years I’ve been here, nothing ever has changed. I can visually see each and every memory I had in here with Grace. The coffee never changed, and the atmosphere always remained the same.

I walked into the cafe, surprised to see some people up drinking their morning coffee. I noticed Bernie at the counter, wiping it down with a rag. As I got closer to the encounter, Bernie looked up, immediately noticing me.

“Jamie? Is that really you?” He joked, squinting his eyes as he spoke. I laughed, smile on my face.

“It’s great to see you, Bernie,” I said, slightly bowing out of politeness. “I literally just hopped off the plane, put my bags down in my hotel room, and ran over here for an iced americano.” Bernie laughed out loud, holding his belly as he did.

“I’m flattered! What brings you back to New York? New case you’re working on?”

I shook my head before I answered back. “No, no; not a case…” I didn’t know what to tell Bernie. I didn’t want him to say something that would’ve told me this was a bad idea or something. But, Bernie was like an old neighborhood friend to her. She spoke highly of him the moment she introduced me to him all those years ago, and I felt like I needed the approval from him in a way. From the looks of it, he seemed to still be very accepting of me.

Bernie cocked up an eyebrow as he began making my drink, pouring in the espresso. “Well, I doubt you came all the way here just to see me and get a drink.” I nervously laughed at Bernie’s response. He must know.

“Got me there,” I said back, putting my hands in my coat pocket. “You think she’ll come in today?” Bernie looked back up at me with a smile on his face. He absolutely knew I was here for Grace.

“If she’s back from her trip, then of course.” Bernie placed the cup of iced americano on the counter. “Is she expecting you?”

“No,” I answered shyly, taking out my wallet. Bernie waved his hand at me, stopping what I was doing. I looked up at him, confused.

“I’ve known Grace for a long time, sonny. Her coming back to New York after being away for so long is already going to cause a ton of anxiety for her. So, excuse me when I say this, but… your intentions of being back here to see her better be good.” I looked at Bernie as he spoke. He was absolutely right, and I was glad that there were people that still looked out for her even while she was away. It just comes to show just how well loved she truly is.

“Of course, Bernie.”

“How long are you here for?”

“I’m staying in New York.” It was the first time saying this in person. Bernie was the first person in New York to hear me say these exact words. They didn’t feel as foreign as I thought they’d be, and they didn’t seem as scary to say out loud either. It was almost like it was suppose to be the answer to Bernie’s concerns. It was the right thing to say because it was true.

Bernie, on the other hand, seemed genuinely surprised. “For good?” I simply just nodded my head. “You’re staying in New York for Grace?”

“If she’s willing, that’s the plan.” I looked at Bernie, feeling as if I was talking to a father figure of Grace’s. I was more nervous talking to Bernie than her actual father a couple of years ago, back when we were dating.

Bernie scoffed a bit, making another cup of coffee for another customer beside me. He hands the man the coffee before he directs his attention to me again. He sighed, but let out a smile as he looked at me.

“Well,” he began to say. “I think she’s in for a delightful surprise then today.” He nodded towards the direction where Grace and I usually sat at. “You know where to find her when she comes.” I thanked Bernie and took my drink to the table. An hour passed by, but Grace wasn’t here yet. The longer I waited in here for her, the more regret I began to feel. What if this was a bad idea? What if I just left my entire life behind for nothing? What if this isn’t what she wanted?

By the time it was 10AM, I began to come with the terms that maybe this wasn’t the right thing to do. I sighed, about to finish my iced americano and walk back to the hotel to figure something out. I got up, handing the glass over to Bernie at the counter.

“Leaving already?”

“Yeah,” I said in a defeated way. “As much as I would love to stay here, I really should get going–“

“Nonsense,” Bernie interrupted, getting another glass from the rack. “This one’s on the house.”

“Bernie–“

“I won’t take no for an answer, sonny.” He quickly whipped up another iced americano and handed it over to me. I looked back up at him. “Don’t give up on what you want.” I take the drink, walking to the opposite side of the cafe to clear my mind. It was weird over here, but perhaps this was the best spot to really think what needs to happen next.

I opened my phone and began looking at flights back to Incheon. Kevin was right; it would cost me an arm and a leg to go back home now.

Then, it happened. The door to the cafe opened, and I immediately noticed her red, curly hair in a messy updo. Grace.

She rushed to the counter with a handful of papers in her arm, greeting Bernie. He smiled at her, pointing her to the table that I was originally sitting at, waiting for her at. Our table. I tried to not stare too hard at her like a creep. I all of a sudden I felt nervous to walk over there. Everything was leading up to this moment, and I didn’t know how to finally make things happen.

“If you’re ever visiting New York, you know where to find me,” Grace said as she walked me out of her hotel room in Ulsan. I smiled, taking this as the last possible time I’d get to talk to Grace face-to-face. The last time I’d get to kiss her lips.

“Thanks, Bernie,” I hear Grace say. Bernie placed the coffee on the table, smiling at her. I looked down at my phone, exiting out the screen of flights. It wasn’t long after that I heard a pile of papers fall to the ground. I looked up, noticing Grace get up from the table to pick them up. I didn’t even think twice to walk over there to help out.

“Fuck,” I hear Grace say as she begins to gather her papers. I kneeled in front of her, helping her pick up the papers. “Thanks, you didn’t have to–” Grace stopped mid sentence as she looked up. Her eyes widen in shock. All I could do is smile at her and hand over her papers.

“Jamie?”

“You were right about the coffee here,” I began to say. “Once you’ve had Bernie’s coffee, no other coffee can compare.” Before Grace said anything else, Bernie comes over to check on Grace.

“You’re okay?” Bernie came rushing to us. We both looked up at Bernie as he backed away from the papers.

“All good,” I said, handing the last batch of papers to Grace. Bernie smiled at me before he walked back to the counter. I looked at Grace as she got up, which prompted me to get up alongside her.

“I-uhm,”

“I know,” I simply said, putting my hands in my pocket. “Sorry.”

“No, no,” Grace said, clearing the seat in front of her. I looked at her for permission. “Sit.” I sat down in the seat across from her. She was definitely frazzled. Ahh, jagi-… I mean Grace.

…

By the time Grace sorted out her paperwork, she seemed to be more relaxed. I was glad that she didn’t seem stressed that I was here. It was weird; it was like nothing ever changed between us; just the destination.

“So, I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon,” Grace joked as she sipped her coffee. I smiled at her, drinking yet another iced americano that Bernie offered, followed with a cream cheese bagel. “Did you decide to take a pit stop to New York?”

“Mwo? Pit stop?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Grace nodded her head. “To California to visit Shawn.” Oh. My eyes widen, nodding my head trying to take in this assumption of hers. To believe I would travel all the way to New York first just to see Shawn in another state is crazy.

“I’m… not going to visit Shawn.” Grace scrunched her eyebrows as she chewed on a piece of her bagel, seeming confused.

“No?”

“No.” I looked at Grace, hoping she was able to read in between the lines.

“So you’re here on a vacation, or this is another work related trip?” She asked, not looking at me as she did. She probably assumes this time is like the others. I can see herself try to distance herself away from me, I hopes her heart doesn’t put too much hope in what she’s feeling. Just rip the bandage already, Jamie.

“I’m in New York for good.”

Grace looked up from her coffee. “For good?”

“For good.” I stare at Grace, waiting for her to say something. I don’t want to assume that this is what she wants. I want to hear her say it, not because I need the validation, but because I need her to believe in the things she wants.

“Oh.”

“Oh?” I laughed as I repeated. It wasn’t like Grace to be without words.

“I just–“

“Didn’t think I’d come back for you?” I finally said, ripping the entire bandage off of the conversation. Grace seemed taken back by the bluntness of my response. All she could do is just nervously laugh it off.

“Alright, where’s Sky and Shawn? Are they going to jump from underneath a table or something?”

“Grace.” It was all I needed to say for her to finally believe me. I didn’t break eye contact with her, or make it seem like I had anything to joke about. The laugh quickly came to an halt; it was now a look of confusion written all over her face.

“You’re being serious?”

“Super serious, jagiya.” It felt so good to call Grace that. For the last 7 months, I tried so desperately to make it fit for anyone else that wasn’t her. It was useless, to be honest; it was Grace’s for a reason.

Grace leaned in closer to the table, as if she needed to whisper this question to me. “So you’re trying to tell me you left your whole life behind in Korea; job, family, everything behind… for me?”

I leaned in closer to the table as well, close to her. “Majayo.” She quickly snapped back in her seat, holding her mouth in shock.

“Jamie,” she said with her mouth still covered. “I–“

“Let me explain,” I put out my hand, trying to calm her down. “It was my decision to make. I wanted to do this.”

“Since-“

“Ya, jagiya,” I slightly teased, raising an eyebrow. “Let me explain.” Grace simply nodded her head, taking a sip of her coffee in desperation. I let out a deep breath before I continued speaking, finally saying what I felt these last couple of days out loud to the person that mattered most.

“I would like to believe something was pulling me toward you. I don’t know what you could call it; the universe, maybe? Something out of our control kept putting us together, and sure you can say it was Skylar and Shawn, but… even then I found myself needing to see you… aigoo, that sounds super creepy–“

“If it were anyone else; yes,” Grace teased, smiling at me. I was relieved for her to at least say that.

“The night you invited me to your last show… I wasn’t going to go.”

She cocked up an eyebrow. “Jeez, Jamie…”

“Not because I didn’t want to,” I quickly defended, laughing off the nervousness. “I felt like it could’ve been inappropriate to just show up after everything that happened at Skylar and Shawn’s–“

“But…”

“But?”

She raised both eyebrows up. “But you ended up coming.”

“How’d you know that I did?” I could see Grace’s face getting red. She shifted in her seat, sighing before she answered.

“I saw you in the audience.” I looked at Grace, taking her all in for the first time since sitting here. She…saw me. In an audience packed for the last show of the Ulsan production.

“So, you felt it too?” I finally asked.

“Felt what?”

“That pull,” I answered, smirking a little bit. She did too, giving me the answer without saying a word. “I had to see you dance one last time, and when I did…I knew.”

“Knew what?”

“Jagiya, the more questions you ask, the longer it will take me to explain,” I slightly teased her. She playfully rolled her eyes as I laughed. “I knew it was you. It has always been you.”

…

Grace and I stayed in the cafe nearly all day, catching up and talking. I was glad Bernie didn’t mind us staying there; I think in a way he was happy to finally see Grace happy in the cafe. Not swarmed and stressed over work, or hungover on those reckless nights out. I think he had known we’d both built a home within this cafe, and sensed that Grace and I didn’t want the day to end.

“I hate to kick you guys out,” Bernie walked over to us, drying a mug with a rag in his hand. “But I think you both broke the world record of ‘world’s longest coffee hangout’.” We both begin to get up from the table, helping Bernie bring the empty dishes from our table to the counter.

“We’re sorry for staying so long,” Grace apologized. Bernie waved his hand, dismissing it entirely.

“Nonsense, I just have to get home to my wife.” Bernie laughed as he gathered the dishes toward the back. “I’ll see you two bright and early for a coffee and iced americano!”

Grace and I walked out of the cafe, taking in the brisk winter air. It had just started to snow. We looked at each other, waiting for the other to say something. I guess I’ll be the one to do so.

“I guess I should get–” Before I was even able to finish my sentence, Grace leaped into my arms, kissing me hard on the lips. I wrapped my arms around her, kissing her back underneath the falling snow, in front of the place where our story began all those years ago.

“Jamie.” I heard Grace call out my name. I turned around and see her extending her arm out at me, helping her along the path toward the pier. It was a beautiful Spring morning in upstate; warmer than we expected for the end of April. I grabbed her hand and guided her down the path. She catches her breath once she’s next to me. “Are we almost near the pier?”

“We are,” I smiled as I said, pointing towards the beginning of the pier. The water of the Hudson River sparkled in the sunrise, making this moment extra special. Hand in hand, Grace slowly walked closer to the pier, taking in the sight in front of us. I couldn’t stop looking at Grace; her hair moving in each direction from the slight wind, and her oversized cardigan makes Maki show even more. I can’t believe that I’m going to be a father in a few short weeks.

I never thought starting a family was destined for me a couple of years ago. Not only did my job take a lot of my time, I simply couldn’t think about starting one with anyone else besides Grace. It was like the first time seeing her in New York all those years ago solidified that need. I knew from there that Grace was the one I wanted to experience all of that with.

Grace catches me staring at her a little too long. Her giggle makes me snap out of my thoughts, focusing on the present day again.

“What?” I asked.

“You were staring at me with that look again,” Grace teased.

“What look?”

“That look you give when you are thinking about the future.” Grace was beginning to pick up on the facial expressions I make for different thought processes I had. It was getting harder to tell her some fib, especially when the future I was thinking of was Grace and I being more than just mom and dad, but also wife and husband.

“Of course,” I play along, swinging her arm as we walked. “I am thinking about the moment I get to see Maki for the first time ever.”

“The very first time? I don’t know if the first image you want to see of our daughter is her covered in everything going on inside. Leave it to Grace to be openly honest about every little thing.

“Well, I didn’t think so explicitly,” I laughed as I responded. “I thought more so of the first moment she’s wrapped up in a blanket, in your arms for the first time.”

“Oh I can relate,” Grace began to say as she smiled at me. “I look forward to seeing you hold Maki in your arms for the first time ever.”

“Ya,” I playfully said with a growing smile. “You’re going to get me all nervous.” Grace looked at me once we got to the rear of the pier. Grace slowly sits down on the pier, groaning in relief once she is off her feet. I sit next to her, watching Grace swing her feet on the edge.

“Jamie?” Grace softly said. It made me turn my head to her, giving her my full attention. She looked a little sullen. “Is it bad to say that sometimes, I think about what if we decided to… you know… be parents to that baby all those years ago? How life would be like right now for us?” I looked at Grace, taking in this heavy question. I don’t let Grace know that the thought has come up a few times since Maki came along. I simply just don’t want Grace to regret her decision, especially considering the circumstances. I wasn’t even ready, reflecting back on it now.

“No,” I simply answered. “It’s a completely normal thought to have. I understand why it comes up now; we can’t imagine our lives without Maki now.”

“Is it bad to have not felt that way the first time?”

“You were a different person back then. You weren’t ready, and you based your decision on that factor knowing it was the most important one.”

“Important factor?” Grace repeated.

“The factor being that you knew you wouldn’t be able to properly give your unconditional love and true self into that child.” Talking about this was something I wasn’t expecting. I don’t even remember the last time we did; not because we avoid speaking about it, but it was something that we both knew was the right decision. I wouldn’t be sitting on this pier with the woman of my dreams, and the mother of my child.

“I tell myself that it was the right decision to make simply because we didn’t know if we were ever going to make it.” Grace admitted. I placed my hand on her thigh, rubbing it for reassurance, and for confirmation that what she believes is correct.

“It’s the right thing to tell yourself, jagiya. That had to happen in order for us to believe that we were going to make it back to each other.” Grace smiles and kisses me on the lips, feeling like our first kiss all over again. She looks back up at me, looking deep into my eyes. “Mwo?”

“Sometimes when I look at you, I wonder how did I get so lucky to have a man like you, to love me?” Grace admitted. I feel my face getting hot, taken back by her lovely words.

“Because he is undoubtedly, madly in love with a woman like you, and to have her love me back.” I kissed her lips softly, caressing her neck to deepen it. She opened her eyes and looked at me. I swear, I saw hearts as her pupils. I take Grace’s curly had and place it behind her ears before slowly getting up, resting myself casually on one knee.

“Jagiya,” I began to say. She turned her head toward my direction, focusing on me. “I want to tell you a story.”

“A story?”

“A story about the day I knew you were the one.” Grace’s eyebrows cock up, seeming off-guard there. “It was the day you came hiking with me in Taehwagang, on the anniversary of my dad’s passing.” Grace’s eyes softened, yet so attentive to me. “That was the first time I ever invited someone to hike on that path with me. For years, I felt like he was still there with me, until the day you came. It was like a sign from my father, telling me you were the only one to ever make that day easy for you. I left Taehwagang, knowing that there was no way for me to not feel how I feel about you. All I knew to feel around you was absolute love.”

“Jamie,” Grace said as she wipes for fallen tears.

“But, it was also those very first times at the cafe. There was always something about you, Grace. And since then, I feel like this was something I always thought about asking you.” I reached into my right pocket, taking out a tiny baby blue box. Grace gasped, holding her mouth in shock.

“Jamie,” Grace said again, now reacting to what was happening.

“And you always knew that it was you that I wanted to call my wife in the future.” I slowly opened the box, revealing the engagement ring I’ve saved up for in the last year and a half since being back in New York. I knew I was coming back to New York with the intent of marrying Grace one day. I just never knew that it would feel so definite as it does now.

“Grace Renee Ashmore, will you give me the honor to finally make you my wife?”

As I begin to take the ring out of the box, Grace finally speaks.

“Ask me.”

I was confused. “Ask you?”

“In Korean.” I couldn’t up but smile at her request. I take her left hand, holding her ring with my fingers. I hovered the ring over her ring finger, looking back up at her.

“jagiya, nalang gyeolhonhae jullae?” I smiled as I asked again. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Grace quickly said as she nodded her head in excitement. It made me laugh, realizing just how much Grace has thought about this moment. It was like she was waiting on me to confirm that we both wanted this for us. I slowly slid the ring on her finger; a gold, princess cut band with a singular red ruby in the middle, surround by two tiny ones. It looked amazing on her.

She took a moment to admire the ring in her finger. She was crying tears of joy, laughing through the happy moment.

“We’re… we’re really getting married,” Grace finally said out loud. It sounded surreal to hear.

“Finally,” I teased. Grace playfully hits my arm as I laugh. I couldn’t help but lean in towards Grace’s jawline, gently giving her a kiss. “I get to call you my beautiful wife.”

“That sounds pretty good rolling off the tip of your tongue,” Grace flirted, grabbing my face and shoves her lips onto mine. This moment almost feels like the very first time we kissed. The fire, the passion, and the excitement to see what the future held for us. Even after all these years, I am still so in love with her.

“Why don’t we take our celebration back to the cabin?” I teased, biting the bottom of her lip. A quick moan escapes from her mouth into mine, deepening the lustful kiss.

“Another amazing idea from my fiancé.”

I lifted Grace up in my arms, carrying her back to the cabin. She wrapped her arms around my neck, nothing but a huge smile on her face.

If you were to ask me a year and a half ago—traveling to Incheon for a 5:00AM flight to JFK, in hopes that when I got back to New York, she knew I was here for her—that Grace and I would be waking up on our last day of our babymoon, returning back to the city engaged? I wouldn’t believe you.

These next couple of months were the true test of Grace and I’s relationship. The initial engagement was magical, and the excitement to announce it to our friends and family took us over. We were simply on cloud nine that day, and love was the only thing that was on my mind.

It felt weird going to Shawn and Skylar’s place without Grace; even more so, it was weird telling Grace I was going to run an errand without telling her that errand included her cousin, and my best friend.

I knocked on their apartment door, and to my surprise, Skylar’s the one that answers it. She immediately pulled me into the apartment by my jacket, closing the door behind me.

“For fuck’s sake, what took you so long?” Skylar said as she hurried to the couch next to Shawn. I sat in the chair directly across from him, letting out a breath as I did.

“It’s kind of hard to leave Grace behind when she’s asking about your every move nowadays,” I answered. Grace was extra clingy these days now that she is officially on maternity leave. Her doctor instructed her to take these next two months off, as they are some of the most crucial parts of the pregnancy. It was hard having Grace around 24/7, especially in the gist of me trying to do something without her knowledge.

“What did you end up telling her, Hyung?” Shawn asked.

“I told her I had to run to do an errand; nothing specific,” I said, bouncing my leg anxiously. “I thought she was going to catch me for sure today.”

“Well thank god she didn’t,” Skylar added. “So, what were you thinking about doing?”

“I was planning to take Grace to Korea before her doctor gave her strict orders to follow, so now I’m not sure what else I can do for Grace now that she’s so far along.”

“So, you don’t know when or where you and Grace are having your babymoon,” Skylar said, crossing her arms. A couple of months ago, I had suggested to both Shawn and Skylar that I was planning a babymoon for Grace. I had originally planned to have it earlier on into her pregnancy, but everything came speeding fast, and time was just not on our side. Grace was about to enter month 8, and a lot of the romantic ideas I had for her seem to be thrown out of the window.

“I want it to be special, but I don’t know where to take her,” I confessed. I feel like a lousy boyfriend. “I was thinking about getting a nice hotel in the city, but I feel like that’s still too close from home.”

“Yeah, and you know how Grace’s mind works; she would not be rested being too close to home.” Skylar commented. I sighed, putting my hands onto my head.

“How about something out of the city, like in upstate New York?” Shawn suggested. Skylar immediately turned her head to face him.

“Babe! That’s actually a good idea!” She looked at me with a smile before she spoke again. “I feel like what Grace needs right now is less stimulation. Between being in the city, managing the academy and feeling huge now, she needs to go to a place where it’s quiet.” I liked the idea, spending quiet time in a cabin or something outside of the city where there isn’t a siren going off, a car horn being honked, or blinding lights from the billboards. I also believe it would be the perfect spot to spend some quality time with Grace before our little girl comes.

…

“Jamie,” Grace said as she sat on the passenger’s side of our car. I quickly looked over at her, checking to see if she was okay. “How is this a birthday getaway for you if I don’t know where we’re going?” I smiled at her question, not answering her right away. On the actual day of my birthday, Grace and I went to Yonkers to celebrate Willow’s birthday with Max and his wife, Miriam. Willow and I share the same birth date, April 16th, so to my surprise we had two cakes to celebrate. Miriam told me that Willow was the one that said she shared the same birthday as me, which is why the cake they had for me was store bought instead of made. I didn’t care though; as long as I was celebrating my birthday with Grace and Willow is all that mattered to me.

It wasn’t until Grace and I got back to the city that I told her that I had planned my own birthday weekend getaway. Yes, she was mad at me for planning my own birthday trip, but I quickly had to remind her that my birthday gift from her wouldn’t be ready until June.

“Jagiya, I told you already; all you have to do is sit there and be a passenger princess,” I teased her as I drove. She huffed in her seat, looking outside of her window facing away from me. “Jagiyaaaa,” I dragged out.

“I just feel bad,” Grace finally admitted, turning her head around. “Between Willow’s birthday and everything else happening, I totally forgot about your birthday and—”

“Ya,” I stepped in, stopping her train of thought. “I already told you it was okay.”

“It still doesn’t make me feel any better.” At a red light, I finally took the opportunity to turn towards Grace and properly talk to her.

“Grace. I know your heart is in the right place, but you honestly do not need to feel bad about forgetting my birthday this year. Besides, as long as you’re here on this weekend trip with me; that’s all I wanted for my birthday.”

“You’re just saying that,” Grace argued.

“Think of it this way, jagiya,” I began to say, driving once the light turned green. “I am spending my birthday weekend with the most beautiful woman in the world, in a nice little cabin loft with absolutely nothing to think or worry about. This is my birthday gift from you.” I placed my hand on her thigh, slightly rubbing it for reassurance. She let out a deep breath before putting her hand on top of mine, signaling that she listened to what I was telling her. I quickly smiled at her before quickly focusing on the road.

…

We opened the front door of the cabin, in which Grace was in awe at first glance. Me, on the other hand, struggled carrying our luggage from our car to the wooden stairs of the cabin. After tossing the bags into the cabin, I closed the door behind us, catching my breath.

“This is so cute! It looks like a place straight out of a vision board,” Grace said, observing the space. She looked up toward the second floor where the bedroom was. “Oh, a loft bedroom is teenage Grace’s biggest dream.”

“I’m glad you like the space.” I went over to Grace and kissed her on the top of her head. I sat down on the couch, watching Grace was she walked around to tour the space. For a moment, I was able to picture Grace and I living in a place like this, older and retired from our jobs while gathering our little space for our kids to come visit us. Yes, kids; as in “many more to come”.

Grace turned around and faced me with the biggest smile on her face. Once she catches me looking back at her, she walks over to me, plopping herself right next to me on the couch.

“I can get used to this,” she said out loud. I laughed, pulling her close to me as I kissed her.

“Me too, jagiya.”

…

We decided for our first night, we would order some food for dinner after driving up here for most of the day. I could tell that Grace was super tired, even though she was fighting herself not to fall asleep during our movie night. Before she was able to quickly deny her tiredness, I ran her a bath to relax. It wasn’t long after that she put on her pajamas and knocked out on the bed while I was taking my shower for the night.

I walked upstairs to the bedroom and saw Grace sleeping soundly under the comforter. I couldn’t help but smile. Ahh, jagiya… if only you knew.

When Grace and I first met in New York almost 7 years ago, she was pushing around a baby stroller with Willow in it, kind of surprised that someone as young as Grace at the time would have had a child and jumped right into a case at her firm. It was also surprising to see that Willow actually laughed and smiled whenever Grace let me hold her. I had deemed her name as Little Bean, something that she used to go crazy about whenever I called her that. Since then, she’s always been Little Bean to me, even though in a couple of months there’ll be an actual little bean in the family again.

I was folding laundry one day with Grace when her phone rang on the vanity. She looked at the name and sighed, walking out of the room to take the call. From the way she sighed and excused herself, I knew she was talking to Max, Willow’s dad. While co-parenting has been the best option for them two since Willow was a baby, I could tell that certain topics and conversations are harder for Grace to have because of her own beliefs. For me, it was hard to get her out of that head space once she’s dug herself a deep enough hole. A couple of minutes later, she comes back into the room, sighing as she put her down back on the vanity, sitting on the chair and leaned back on it.

I turned around to check on her. “Jagiya, I can finish folding these clothes—”

“No, Jamie; I have to do it,” She quickly got up from the seat and walked to the pile of clothes on the bed. She was clearly in pain when she did.

“Grace,” I sternly said, worrying about her. “Go sit back down, you’re in pain and—”

“Stop treating me like I’m disabled or something,” Grace spat back defensively. “I still can do the little things and not have someone monitoring my every move.” I sighed loudly; today was going to be one of those days. Grace is at this stage of her pregnancy where she feels like she can’t do anything right; not because she can’t, it’s because she’s nearing the end of term in a couple of weeks. She was in a lot more pain nowadays, which made her snappy and moody a lot of the times. I knew she didn’t mean it, and she would always apologize and say she’s a bad person. I simply tell her, “Maki is just tired of being cooped up in there, she’s being impatient.”

“I know this can’t be about laundry,” I said, putting the piece of clothing back down on the bed. I turned around and looked at Grace sitting back down on the chair in the room. “What’s wrong, jagiya?”

“Everything,” Grace immediately answered. “Everything on my body hurts, and I have to go to the academy tomorrow for this inspection and I already know that the place needs renovations that’s going to cost me so much money, I have to finish Maki’s room before she comes, and then after all of that, Max calls me to remind me that he’s looking to book the venue space for Willow’s birthday.”

“Oh, you guys are throwing her a birthday party at a place?” I asked.

“We’re not; he is,” she answered, crossing her arms along her chest, resting them on top of her belly. “He only called to ask me what weekend works for me so that we could attend.”

“I’m not understanding what you’re upset about, jagiya,” I said, looking at Grace. She rolled her eyes at me, knowing she hated when she needed to actually explain her feelings and emotions properly.

“He’s thrown her birthday party every single year, and I was always the one that felt like the guest instead of her mother,” Grace admitted. I sat at the end of the bed, facing Grace. “For once, I want to be a part of the process.”

“Did you tell that to Max?”

“No.”

“So he doesn’t know that you want to contribute?”

“No.”

“Jagiya,” I smiled as I leaned backwards, trying to understand the situation. “If Max doesn’t know that him solely putting together Willow’s party makes you feel this way, how do you expect him to know?”

“It should always be a known fact that both parents should plan their child’s birthday parties,” Grace explained. She paused before she said anything else, clearly feeling uncomfortable now. “I… was never around to be a part of planning process, and I guess Max thought it would always be like that.”

“Grace, if you don’t it to be that way anymore, you have to tell him,” I said, trying to reassure her while validating her feelings. “Why don’t you tell him that you want to help this year?”

“I can’t.”

“Sure, you can; you can call him back and—”

“Jamie, I can’t,” Grace emphasized, looking directly at me. She sighed before she spoke again. “The academy isn’t doing well these days.” This was the first time hearing this from her. “A lot of the dancers are choosing to opt out of their contracts, especially since the building is literally falling apart, and I know that the inspection is going to cost me a lot to keep the building running, and on top of that we still have things to do before Maki comes, and… I just don’t have the money to help with Willow’s party.”

I scrunched my brows together, feeling slightly annoyed that Grace would keep something like this from me. I know Grace has this ideology that she has to manage the academy on her own because it was a family business. She always wanted to do things on her own and didn’t let anyone persuade her for help. I knew this would be something that she would have kept to herself if she was managing it the way she wanted it to.

I don’t bring up the fact that it irks me when she does this; it would just upset her even more and although I care about Grace and her well-being, I also have to consider that if she doesn’t feel good, Maki doesn’t either. Her stress will take an even bigger toll on her body; putting Maki’s health at risk too.

“Well, let’s start making a plan,” I said, slapping my knees with my hands to confirm. Grace looked up at me with a confused look on her face.

“A plan?” She repeated.

“A plan,” I stated, looking at her intently. “The academy isn’t going anywhere, and any damages that need to be fixed will be paid for—”

“But—”

“Maki’s room is almost done,” I continued, mentally checking things off the list of Grace’s worries. “We will call the painters later this week so that they can put up the wallpaper in her room.”

“I—”

“And,” I said, speaking over Grace. “We are going to call Max and ask how we can help plan Willow’s birthday party for her.” Grace looked at me, more angry than relieved in my opinion. This wasn’t the reaction I was expecting from her.

“No.”

I tilted my head, confused. “No?”

“No.” Grace didn’t say anything more to that, but she had this look on her face that turned her worries into literal anger. “Do you hear yourself?”

“What?”

“I pour out my financial problems with you and all of a sudden, you just make up this ridiculous plan?!” The alarm on the washer is heard, which makes Grace get up from her seat, storming out of the room. I quickly followed her as she walked toward the washer and dryer in our bathroom and attempted to empty the next bath of wet clothes from the washer.

“Jagiya—” I ran over to her, helping her unload the machine.

“I don’t need your help, Jamie!” She yelled out. I was completely taken off-guard hearing her yell that loud. “I’m sick and tired of everyone doing everything for me while I sit around and do absolutely nothing because I can’t!” I looked down at Grace, seeing the tears form in her eyes as she spoke. Aigoo. It’s been hard to keep Grace in a stable mood these days; between everything that’s going on and with time ticking down for Maki’s arrival, I worry that she’s been too hard on herself.

“Ya,” I sternly said with my brow scrunched together. “You are not going to try to take these heavy, wet clothes from the top washer, being almost 8 months pregnant. And before you can argue with me about that; let me remind you that the doctor already told us you shouldn’t be doing any heavy lifting these days.” Grace pouted as she looked at me, which lets me know that I’m right in what I am saying. The only thing she does is storm out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. These are the type of days when the best thing to do is to let Grace take some time to herself.

…

It’s nearly 11PM, and Grace and I decided to head on over to the cafe to have yet another serious conversation. We opened the door of the cafe. Grace immediately wobbled her way to our table, not saying a word to me, or to Bernie; the cafe owner that has known Grace and I since the very beginning.

I walked up to the counter where Bernie was polishing some glasses. He smiled, placing the rag on his shoulders before walking to the register.

“You’re both in here pretty late tonight,” he mentioned, taking out a note pad from his pocket and the pen from behind his ear.

I sighed before I smiled politely. “It’s one of those nights again.” Bernie winced, nodding his head.

“Well if there’s one thing I know about you is that you’ll help Grace get through it,” Bernie stated. “I know the restrictions are killing her ability of independence.” I nodded big, as if Bernie was able to take the words right out of my mouth. “The usual?”

“For me; yes,” I said, taking out my wallet. “For Grace, a hot chocolate. And a piece of your triple fudge chocolate cake.”

“Since when does Grace like chocolate cake?”

“Oh, she doesn’t,” I said as I paid for the drinks and dessert. “Our daughter does.”

I walked back to our table, placing down my iced americano and Grace’s hot chocolate and cake. Her mean demeanor slightly softened, looking up at me.

“You have to stop feeding Maki chocolate cake,” Grace said, putting her fork into the dessert. “I won’t be able to shed the pounds once I’m ready to go back to work.”

“Jagiya,” I said in a way that made Grace look at me. She knew it wasn’t the usual way I said her nickname; this time, it was more serious. “Why didn’t you tell me about the academy?”

“The academy has nothing to do with you,” Grace answered back quickly. “The academy was something I took on, which makes it my responsibility.”

“But we are still a team. If one of us is struggling with something, we are supposed to help each other get through it.”

“The academy is my responsibility—”

“Just how you are mine,” I debated back. “Grace, I don’t do these things because I think you are incapable of doing them on your own. I do them because you are a part of my own responsibilities.”

“I’m not going to burden you with something I chose to do. I should’ve kept up the academy better knowing that Maki was coming.” Grace lets out a deep breath, holding her belly. Before I could reach out for Grace’s hand, she waved it away. “I’m okay. I’m just… feeling really stressed these days and I swear, Maki can feel when I am.” I reached out for the hand that was still placed on the table, gently squeezing it to help Grace calm down.

“One of my many responsibilities is making sure my girls are okay. Maki can’t be okay if she senses her mom is not okay.” I can see the tears forming in her eyes again, biting the bottom of her lip to hold it together. I smiled gently at her, hoping that she is listening to what I am telling her. “I just want you to tell me these things. I want you to let me help you, not because I don’t think you’re capable of doing them on your own.” I picked up her hand and leaned in to kiss it, sitting back down afterwards. “But because we are a team now.”

“It feels wrong to have you fix the academy problem though,” Grace pointed out. “The academy is the one thing that always felt like it was mine. I always know how to fix something at the academy; things are just different now because we have Maki on the way, and I am just not able to juggle everything at once anymore.”

“That’s completely normal,” I reassured her. I got up from my seat to sit in the one next to her. I could now she how she was anxiously rubbing one side of her belly. I placed my hand over hers to stop her; to calm her down. She fails to realize my sole purpose is to always make sure she feels safe, calm, and secure. She fails to realize that this is just the beginning of her being my responsibility. “I understand that the academy is like your baby in a sense. It was for a long time.” I smiled as I looked at her belly with our hands on top of it. “It’ll always be your baby, the only thing that’s different now is that I have to make sure that my jagiya is okay, no matter what it is.” She finally smiled at me, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. If there’s one thing I knew about Grace, is that it was always a good sign to see Grace drink and eat; it was always an indicator that she was feeling better.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the academy,” Grace began to say. “These last couple of months have been so scary. I feel like I haven’t had time to actually take care of the things I normally would. Things just have been hard for me.”

“I know, jagiya,” I said, kissing her temple. “You’re doing the hardest job out of the both of us, so the least I can do is help out with the other things.” Grace smirked, which was always a good sign. She sighed as she faced her body toward me, going straight into business. “Can you accompany me for the day of the inspection? Just walk around the academy with them for me?”

“Of course.”

“As for Maki’s room… maybe we can save some money and just paint the room instead of putting up the wallpaper… maybe Shawn can come over and help you paint the room for me?

“I can ask him when he’s available.”

“And, uhm,” Grace shifted nervously in her seat. It was my time to take control of the situation.

“And,” I began to say. “We will call Max tomorrow and ask how we can contribute to Willow’s birthday party.” Grace smiled, which was the only thing I needed to know for confirmation.

Shawn and Skylar have made my life a living hell ever since they discovered this sushi restaurant in the East Village.

They had invited Grace and I for dinner one night, and suggested this new restaurant they discovered. I looked at Grace with an immense amount of guilt, especially after seeing her pout looking at the menu of items, half in which she can’t eat because of the raw fish.

“I didn’t realize Grace couldn’t eat raw fish,” Skylar said as the waiter came out with our dishes. Grace had gotten the Chicken teriyaki dish while Shawn and Skylar shared a platter of different sushi rolls. I ordered an order of maki rolls and a side of rice. Grace watched me intently as I ate, making me feel slightly uncomfortable.

“What’s wrong?” I said, putting down my chopsticks. Grace pouted, leaning back on her chair.

“The one thing Baby is craving right now is the one thing I can’t have,” she said, looking at my dish.

“Are you sure agi is craving it, or is Eomma blaming agi for her own cravings?” I teased. Grace rolled her eyes and nudged my arm.

“I’m serious, Jamie,” Grace emphasized. “As soon as the waitress came out with your maki rolls, it was like Baby’s eyes got all googly.” She stares at my plate. “God, they look so good.”

“Willpower, jagiya,” I said, cheering her on. Grace was not amused, and started to play with the food on her plate.

“So Grace, we’re all dying to know if you guys decided on a baby name yet,” Skylar mentioned. “If not, I have one suggestion—”

“We are not naming her ‘Skylar’,” Grace deadpanned. I tried to hide my laugh. Grace was more blunt and honest about how she felt these days that I know Skylar will not understand.

“Well then what do you guys have in mind?” She questioned, crossing her arms.

“We haven’t really discussed it,” I answered for us, watching Grace try to eat her food.

“I’m surprised that wasn’t the first thing you guys did when you find out the sex,” Skylar mentioned. “If Shawn and I ever have kids, I already have some names picked out.” I looked at Shawn who looks at Skylar as if this was new information to him too.

“Inspire us,” I teased Skylar, curious to know the names of my future nieces or nephews.

“For a boy, I was thinking ‘Shawlar’,” I almost spat my drink out, not expecting that. “And for a girl: Skylawn.”

“Shawlar and Skylawn? Those both sound like names for over-the-counter medications they show on TV,” Grace commented without any remorse. I couldn’t contain the water in my mouth anymore, nearly spitting it out. Skylar’s mouth was gaped open, shocked at Grace’s answer.

“At least I have names for my hypothetical children,” Skylar defended. “You guys have a baby coming in 2 months and don’t have any idea on what you want to name it.”

“The right name needs to come to us,” I intervened before the ladies got into an argument. “We don’t want to give her a name that doesn’t suit her.”

“So you’re waiting until after she’s born to name her?” Skylar asked. “Her tiny little finger is gonna pick an index card with a name on it or something?”

“Hyung,” Shawn whispered to me, looking down at my plate. “Can I try one of your maki rolls?” I nodded yes as I put one on his plate. Grace caught the exchange happen.

“You can give him a maki roll and not me?!” Grace argued.

“Shawn’s not 7 months pregnant with our daughter, jagiya,” I said.

“Sure, whatever,” Grace dismissed, picking up her fork to eat her food. “Just deprive your daughter of what she wants.” I smiled at her, knowing Grace’s game too well.

“Minahe, agi,” I said to Grace’s belly. “When you get older, we’ll introduce you to maki rolls.” Shawn ate the roll I gave him, slapping the table in enjoyment.

“Whoa, the maki rolls here are to die for,” Shawn said. Skylar slapped him on the arm.

“Babe, be considerate,” she said, looking at Grace. I placed my hand on top of her left one, rubbing her knuckles for support and comfort.

Shawn wasn’t kidding when he said he enjoyed the maki rolls at this restaurant. Every time we had them over for a movie or a game night, he would bring the maki rolls. Every time Grace forgot about the maki rolls, she would be reminded again and crave them dangerously. I once caught her in the kitchen with one, walking in at the exact moment she was pulling one out of the container. Let’s just say that night, Grace put me on couch punishment.

One afternoon, Grace stormed into the apartment after spending the day at the academy. I sat at the table, working on my laptop.

“Jagiya—” I said as I got up from my seat to hug Grace. She pushed me back down in my seat with a force I didn’t think she had.

“Don’t jagiya me, Jamie,” Grace spat back. “We have to think of some baby names.”

“Mwo? Why the change of heart? I asked.

“I spoke to Aimee and Maurice on FaceTime and they guilt tripped me into doing this today.” Aimee and Maurice were Grace’s two closest friends from the Ulsan dance production. I was glad that she was able to maintain those friendships with them, and even offered to do a residency here to teach Grace’s academy when she goes on maternity leave. Knowing Grace pretty well, she was scared to think about something in the future that is eventually going to happen.

I laughed and closed my laptop. “Okay, let’s talk about names. First order of business: we are not combining our names the way Sky did her future children.”

“Way ahead of you on that,” Grace commented. “Before we actually sit down and suggest names, we have to set down some rules.” She takes out a little spiral notebook from her purse, flipping to a page full of scribbles. “No names after our relatives. She will have her own identity with her own name, and not a name just to say she’s named after a great-great grandmother or something.”

“I can agree with that,” I commented. “What’s next?”

“She will not be a junior.”

“We can’t name her JJ?”

“JJ?”

“Jagiya Junior,” I teased. Grace sucked her teeth as she shifted in her seat.

“I’m serious, Jamie!” Grace shouted. “She will not be Grace Jr. Again, I want her to have her own identity.”

“May I also add a rule?” I asked, hoping Grace was open to some suggestions. “She must have an English and Korean name.” Grace cocked her eyebrow up, pondering on the thought.

“I mean, she’ll be born in America, so wouldn’t her name already be in English?”

“That’s up for us to decide,” I answered. “Do we want her legal name to be in English, or Korean?”

“Fuck, I didn’t think of that,” Grace gave herself a face palm. “Clearly it would make sense for her to have a Korean name too. How did you pick ‘Jamie’ as your English name?”

“It sounds the closest to Jaemin,” I answered. “I decided a name that wasn’t so far off my Korean name.” Grace sighed, tapping her pen against the notebook.

“God, this is hard,” she said.

“How did you come up with Willow’s name?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“Her dad named her,” Grace admitted. “There was a Willow tree growing in the backyard of his apartment complex, and it had fully bloomed around the time Willow was born. He decided on Willow because her and the tree practically grew together in the course of 9 months.” I smiled. That’s a beautiful story.

“Agi’s name will come to us when the time is right,” I reassured, taking out the bag of food I took home from lunch with Shawn. I opened the box of leftover maki rolls, which caught Grace’s attention. She takes in a deep breath, trying to keep her composure.

“I’m going to fight Shawn once Baby is out,” Grace commented. “I don’t understand his obsession with those maki rolls…” Grace leans in, smelling my food. “God, it smells so good; Baby is going crazy for some maki rolls.”

“We’re gonna call her Maki agi, since she only seems to go crazy when maki rolls are in the room.” I rubbed Grace’s belly, and in a singalong tune I sing ‘Maki agi”. It was cute in the way they rhymed.

…

“Alright class, how would you interpret public law, section 46.3 for a client that is fighting a personal injury case?” I lectured for my online class. In the downtime I am not active on a case, I teach part-time at the CUNY School of Law, preferably students who are looking to continue their studies to become lawyers. It was a change of pace for me, and it felt good being able to take what I know and teach the next generation of lawyers, all while still being one myself.

“The door to the bedroom opened, and in ran Grace. “Oh my god, I figured it out!” She excitingly said out loud. She immediately covered her mouth with her hands once she saw I was in an online lecture this particular Saturday afternoon. I looked back to my class online, laughing nervously.

“I’m going to have you read the next two pages, and we will come back together to discuss,” I said. “I will be back in 10 minutes.” I tuned off my microphone and camera, turning my chair toward Grace. “Is there something I should be worried about?”

“No, no; come see me after your lecture!” Grace power walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. I shook my head and laughed before I got myself together to go back to the lecture.

…

Grace insisted that we go to the cafe for this conversation. Something told me it was a serious conversation, which made me nervous. There are so many conversations Grace and I have left to discuss, and I wasn’t sure which one she wanted to have today.

I ordered my usual iced americano as she ordered a homemade iced tea. Grace ordered 4 different cookies, and ended up not eating them all. Agi always made Grace crave and want a ridiculous amount of food that usually ends up going to waste. This time, I was left finishing the 4 cookies she bought, nearly sending myself into a diabetic shock.

“So, I’ve done some thinking and took into consideration of our rules, and I think I have a contender for her name.” Oh, this conversation.

“Yeah?” I said, sipping on my iced americano.

“I couldn’t get that stupid song that you sang the other day out of my head,” Grace began to explain. “It was the perfect song to fill the room with noise. So there I was, sitting in the baby’s nursery folding up some clothes we got the other day, singing the Maki agi song.

“The maki agi song?”

“Maki agi, agi Maki,” Grace began to sing. “That song.”

“Is this another attempt to have a maki roll, jagiya?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“No, no,” Grace waved her hand. “But I noticed every time I sang the song, she would go crazy.” Grace forcefully grabbed by hand, placing it on top of her belly. “Sing it.”

“Me?” I asked. She nodded her head.

“Just do it,” Grace commanded. I sighed, beginning to sing the maki agi song that wasn’t a song to begin with. But, Grace was right; agi was very excited whenever I sang the song. “It’s like she’s listening to us.”

“I’m having a hard time understanding how this relates to naming our daughter. Are you saying we name her Maki agi?”

“No,” Grace answered. “Maki.” Maki?

“Maki?” I questioned. “You want to name our daughter after a type of sushi roll?”

“Hear me out,” Grace said, palms faced down on the table. “I truly think she hears you when you call her agi. The fact that Maki sounds so close to agi, I think she chose her own name.” It was sweet hearing Grace’s theory that agi hears me call her that.

“I have to play devil’s advocate,” I began to say. “How does ‘Maki’ tick off the rule that she must also have an English name?”

“I knew you’d ask that.” Grace took one of the napkins from the cafe table, writing ‘Maki’ in Hangul. “The spelling of her name in Hangul has somewhat of a ‘g’ sounding ‘k’,” she explained. I was impressed at Grace’s growing knowledge of the Korean language and alphabet. She’s really come a long away since we first met all those years ago. “So, her name would sound like ‘Ma-gi’.”

It sounds a lot like Maggie,” I said. Grace pointed at me as if I discovered the meaning of the unknown.

“Yes! Her English name would be Maggie.” I pondered the thought, thinking about our daughter as a Maki.

“Kim Ma-ki,” I said out loud. “Maggie Kim.” I imagined hearing her name being called at her Kindergarten graduation. I imagined teaching her how to write her name. I imagined calling her for dinner, introducing her to the family by her name for the first time. I imagined now calling agi by her name now, giving her an identity way before she arrives.

“Isn’t it cute?” Grace said excitedly. It was cute to see Grace all giddy about this process. It was one of the few times she seemed to enjoy this pregnancy; something she had missed when having Willow. I smiled at her, looking at agi’s potential name.

“I’m glad you and agi had this revelation, but,” I looked at Grace, hating that I was about to burst her bubble. “Maki is a popular name in Japan.” Ugh, I can see her world crashing down.

“It’s not Korean?!” Grace said, heartbroken. “Oh my God…”

“Jagiya,” I reached out and went to give Grace a hug. Her hormones have been at an all-time high for this last trimester. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I just thought I had her name all figured out,” Grace said, wiping through tears. “She had reacted so clearly to it… I just thought for once I was on the right path.” I placed my hand on her belly, making small circles on it for reassurance.

“Maki“, I gently said, looking down at Grace’s stomach. Agi quickly kicked underneath my hand, as if she was responding to her name already. Grace was right.

“We can’t go against her wishes,” I said, looking up at Grace. “This is the name she has chosen for herself.” Grace widened her eyes and smiled big, looking down at her belly.

“Hi, Maki,” Grace said to agi. I never thought seeing Grace talk to our daughter would give me butterflies like this. I can see just how much this means to her. This was her second chance to a life she couldn’t have before, and she basked in every moment this time around. She looked up at me and smiled. “I think her legal name should be Maki; her English name Maggie.”

“I like the sound of that,” I agreed.

…

Grace and I met Shawn and Skylar at the sushi restaurant for dinner one night. Grace took a deep breath as we walked in, finding our table where Shawn and Skylar were.

“Hey, guys,” I greeted the couple; Grace went in for a hug with her cousin. I pulled out Grace’s chair for her and settled down into our seats. “You guys are obsessed with this place.”

“Not we, him,” Skylar said, pointing at Shawn.

“Listen, the food here is delicious,” Shawn debated. “You don’t find good Asian restaurants in the city anymore–“

“Oh, you haven’t been to Flushing yet,” I said. “It’s New York’s Koreatown. Maybe we can go there some time and bring the ladies some goodies.” The waiter comes by our table, handing us menus. Shawn declines the menu.

“I already know what I want,” he said. Skylar rolls her eyes.

“Oh God,” Skylar sighed, hiding her embarrassment. And there it is: the con being Shawn’s wife.

“I would like 3 orders of the maki rolls,” Shawn stated. Skylar ordered the miso soup and gyoza special, while I got the chicken teriyaki in support of Grace.

“Speaking of maki rolls,” I started to say, looking at Grace.

“Don’t tell me you caved in, Jamie,” Skylar said, scolding me. “I know how persuasive Grace can be.”

“Uhm, rude!” Grace commented. I laughed, placing my hand on Grace’s leg.

“Grace and I finally decided on a name,” I began to say. Skylar’s eyes lit up, immediately shifting her mood from embarrassment to excitement.

“Oh my god, really?!” Skylar squealed. “Tell us the entire story.”

“Well, Grace had walked in during one of my lectures, excited to share a revelation she had in the nursery,” I began to explain, smiling in Grace’s direction.

“Well, let me rewind back a bit,” Grace added. “Your husband could not stop bringing over those damn maki rolls from this place, which—by the way, Shawn— we’re totally fighting after she’s born.” Shawn’s face turned red as I laughed.

“Back to Grace walking in,” I continued. “So, after my lecture, Grace insisted that it was actually the baby craving the maki rolls, not her.” Grace rolled her eyes as I recalled the story. “So, I had made up this silly song, calling the baby ‘Maki agi’.” Skylar looked over at Shawn, obviously for a translation.

“Agi means ‘baby’ in Korean, so ‘Maki Baby”, Shawn explained.

“Baby went crazy every time we’d sing that,” Grace continued on. And then it suddenly clicked to me. Maki should be her name.” Skylar slammed her hands on the tabletop out of excitement.

“Wait, that’s actually so fucking cute!” Skylar said with a huge smile on her face. Grace nodded, agreeing with her.

“One thing we also wanted was that she have an English name,” I further explained.

“Ah, that’s a good move,” Shawn commented.

“We saw how similar ‘Maki’ in Korean sounded a lot like ‘Ma-gi’, so we decided her English name—”

“Would be Maggie?!” Skylar said excitedly. “Stop, wait that is actually such a good fucking name.” Skylar gets up from her seat, nearly in tears as she hugged Grace. “Grace, stop; I’m so happy for you!”

“Sky,” Grace said, trying to hold back tears. Skylar walks to me, also pulling me into a hug.

“Baby Maki,” Shawn repeated. “I guess she also understood Uncle Shawn’s obsession with the maki rolls, so in a way I did you guys a favor.”

“You’re not off the hook,” Grace noted. “We’re still fighting once after Maki is born.” After Maki is born.

…

It was a rainy, April day in the city. I got out of work at 5 o’clock and told Grace I would bring home dinner. She insisted we could have anything I wanted to get, until I sighed.

“Jagiya,” I began to say. “Let me word it this way: what is Maki wanting to eat tonight?”

“She’s feeling birria tacos,” Grace said over the phone. “Oh! And a Mexican cola.” Grace had realized that she could get anything she wanted by saying Maki wanted it. I couldn’t say no to my little girl just yet… only when she’s asking for a nose piercing or tattoo when she gets older. I smiled through the phone, stopping in front of a shop.

“I’ll pick up some tacos for you and Maki,” I said with a smile. “I’ll see you in a few.” I hung up the phone and entered a brightly lit shop on 5th Avenue. I let out a sigh, walking up to the counter.

“Hello,” I greeted the person behind the glass counter. “I called about the engagement ring.”

I lost count on how many cups of coffee I had today, but Grace reminded me just how shaky my hands have become throughout the duration of our busy morning.

“Jamie,” Grace sighed as she said my name. “You are not allowed to make yourself another coffee. You’re not about to have me up all night because you can’t sleep.”

“I’m sorry, jagiya,” I said, watching Grace open the fridge and hand me a water bottle. “I’m just feeling a little nervous having my family in America all together for the first time.” My relationship with my family shifted once I made the decision to live in New York. They weren’t thrilled that I was adamant about starting my life over in a foreign country with a girl they’ve met once. Surely as time passed, we were all able to let it go, especially after telling them the news about agi.

“What time are they landing?” Grace asked.

“Their flight says arrival is 6:15pm,” I answered, looking at the information on my phone. “We should probably make it to JFK an hour before.”

“Ya,” Grace said, walking over to me and brushed my hair away from my face. “You know everything is going to be fine, right?”

“I know, but you never know with my family,” I said, letting out an anxious breath. “My family is super traditional, and trying to explain our relationship to them is nearly impossible for them to understand.”

“They don’t have to understand it, they just need to accept it,” Grace replied sternly, trying to prove her point. Grace was never the “cookie-cutter” type of comforter, and will tell you exactly how she feels about something.

She sighed, walking up to me and placed her hand on my cheek. “I mean that in the nicest way possible, babe. I don’t want her to grow up not knowing her entire family.” The past couple of weeks since we found out agi was a girl, Grace has been determined to give our daughter a life she didn’t get to have growing up. She missed out on knowing her mother’s side of the family, and I can only imagine she feels anxious that agi won’t know my side.

“She will.” I wrapped my arms around her, taking her in for a hug. Maybe Grace was right. Maybe I didn’t have anything to worry about, and it was all in my head. But I can’t help but wonder, what if I’m right? What if my family is upset at me still for moving to America? Is there anything that will change their mind about things?

…

“We’re so happy to see you!” My mom immediately walks to Grace for a hug. Even Grace was shocked at the gesture. She returns the hug, putting on a smile. My mom let Grace go to look at Grace’s belly. “How are you feeling?” I watch the interaction happen, feeling like I’m currently in the twilight zone. My mom and grace were actually having a conversation in Korean in our New York apartment.

“Eomma couldn’t stop talking about coming here,” my sister, Lia, said to me. I looked over at Mina, coming into the door with my mother’s bags.

“Jaemin,” Mina called out. I went to the front door, helping her with the bags. She smiled at me once she got situated. “Hi, baby brother!”

“Hi, nonna,” I said, giving her a hug. “I’m glad you and Lia could make it.”

“Of course we were coming,” Mina stated. “We have to come visit before our niece comes!” Lia and Mina walked over to Grace, giving her hugs. It made me smile seeing my family like Grace, considering this wasn’t the attitude they had a year and a half ago. Maybe I was overreacting over nothing—

Or maybe I just knew there was always some hidden conversation waiting to happen.

“Grace, this is delicious,” Mina said, wiping her face with her napkin.

“Actually, Jamie did all of the cooking,” she mentioned. In the corner of my eyes, I saw my mother’s expression change as she ate. “I was just moral support.” Grace started to laugh, but my family looked more confused. Grace clears her throat and wipes her mouth. “Let me take those dishes from you—”

“Ani,” my mother shook her head, stopping Grace. “You will not lift a finger in your condition. Jaemin,” she calls for me. “Help me with the dishes.”

“Eomma, we’ll do it—“ my sisters volunteered, but my mother protested.

“Jaemin will help me,” my mom smiled in my direction, prompting me to get up from my seat.

“I’ll be back, jagiya,” I said to Grace as I kissed the top of her head. I took the plates from the other women at the table, while my mother insisted she take the garnish dishes back to the kitchen.

“So, Jaemin,” my mom said as she cleaned the dishes. I insisted we use the dishwasher, but like my mom, she immediately protested. “How far along is Grace?”

“A little over 6 months now,” I answered, drying the wet dishes with a cloth. My mom gasped in awe.

“Ya, Jaemin,” my mom reacted. “Are there any plans of a marriage soon?” Here we go; the conversation I knew I was going to have with my mother. “The baby will be here before you know it—”

“Eomma,” I sighed. “Grace and I have other things to focus on right now.”

“And you think once you bring a baby into this world, you guys will have time to think about marriage? A newborn baby consumes your life, Jaemin.”

“And you think rushing a marriage is the conventional thing to do?” I asked. I mom scolded me for talking to her in such tone.

“You both should’ve got married before you two decided to have a baby,” my mom nonchalantly expressed. “Your father would’ve wanted you to be married before having a child.” I hated when my mom’s guilt card was mentioning my father. There was a lot that my father wanted me to do instead of the things I’ve done, constantly showing that I was never interested in living my life the way he wanted me to. In the same breath, he would’ve wanted me to find my way of life in the best way I knew possible.

“Wouldn’t appa be happy that I am starting a family though?” I questioned. My mom side-eyed me, continuing to wash the dishes. “That I am carrying the Kim family name?”

“With a woman that is not your wife—”

“She will be,” I spat back, revealing something I wouldn’t have in front of my mother. “We are both aren’t ready yet.”

“I really do like Grace,” my mom started to say. “I do believe she’s a great woman, but I do not like the fact that you’ve thrown all of your culture away to fit into this American one. My son would’ve stayed in Korea and settled down with a woman that had the same values as you. My son would’ve been married with children already. My son would instill his culture into his family, to carry out our family traditions for generations to come.”

“But that was never your son.” I emphasized, looking directly at my mother. “Your son wanted more outside of Korea. Your son wanted to make a name for himself professionally. Your son always knew that he would live a life that wasn’t conventional. Your son fell in love and found home with a woman in New York.” I slightly open the covering of the island, showing my mom Grace and my sisters laughing together on the couch. “All she wants is for our baby to know all of her family.” My mom looked out at her daughters, looking at them talking to each other comfortably. Even seeing Grace let go of the misconceptions she had about herself and my family for the sake or our daughter, there wasn’t any doubt that Grace will be my wife someday.

My mom turns around and sighs, looking up at me. She places her hand on my cheek, smiling at me. “Something you and your father had in common was your stubbornness.” I smiled as my mom laughed. “And the way his heart was always in the right place for the ones he loved.” Shortly after, Grace walked into the kitchen, carrying some glasses from the dinner table.

“Ah, jagiya,” I said as I walked toward grace, grabbing the glasses from her. “We were going to come back for the other things.”

“She’s ready for some dessert though,” Grace said, rubbing her belly. My mom walked to Grace with a smile, placing a hand on Grace’s belly.

“Eomma,” I said, feeling slightly embarrassed. Grace didn’t seem to mind it, smiling as my mom shushed me.

“Halmeoni is excited to meet you,” my mom said to agi, looking up at Grace and smiled.

…

Later that night, Grace and I lie in bed together. Grace was watching her weekly reality TV show, while I worked on some paperwork for my next lecture. I looked over at her, laughing at the drama happening on the reality show, relaxing in her element. I don’t know why all of a sudden I think about my father and wonder if he would be happy for me. All he ever wanted for his son was to live a happy life, whatever that looked like for me. He always knew I would be different than his daughters, and he knew that once he left this world all those years ago, he left his legacy in my hands. A part of him lives on through me. I grew up watching my parents smitten for each other. My father would look at my mom with such loving eyes, something I took for granted when he was alive, but vividly remember as I now look at Grace that way.

“Oh,” Grace said out loud, as if she remembered something. “Mina and Lia and your mom are going to go to a Broadway show this weekend!” She reaches over her nightstand, taking out the tickets. “I was going to surprise your mom at her birthday dinner tomorrow night.”

“When did you get those?” I said, genuinely curious.

“Not too long ago,” Grace answered. “My aunt Mars is one of the actresses in The Lion King and was able to give me a deal for the matinee show this Saturday. I tried to get tickets for a different time, but this was the only one she could get.” I smile at Grace, reassuring her that she didn’t need to feel bad for going the same time as my next lecture.

“My family will love it,” I said, kissing Grace on the forehead. “Thank you for accepting my family, jagiya.”

“I kinda have to,” Grace teased, laughing after she rubbed her belly. “But, I know what you meant. Her show starts back up, and Grace immediately glued her eyes back to the screen.

My father gave me the “love” conversation once in my life. I was now an adult, and he sat me down over coffee at a shop near the firm I used to work at in Korea.

“You will know when the time is right,” he said, sipping his coffee. “When you feel like the pieces are falling in place, fitting to create an overall picture.”

“Appa, I don’t know,” I said nervously. “In this line of work, it’s hard to have the time needed to settle down…I barely even see Seohyun these days because of school…”

“I’m not saying you have to figure it out now,” he emphasized. “I’m just letting you know, for your future self when they are ready to hit that milestone in life.”

“Ya,” I dismissed, never realizing that would be one of the last times we ever spoke about the future.

I looked at Grace, eating her current craving of Cool Ranch Doritos while watching TV. She looked over at me. “What?” She asked. I smiled, putting my hand in her family size bag of chips.

“Nothing,” I said, grabbing a handful of chips from Grace. “Are they really leaving the villa tonight?” Grace turned her head, about to explode in reality show gossip with me. These were the right times that my father spoke about.

I rolled over to face Grace’s side of the bed, hoping to hold her close to me as we slept that night. I scrunched my eyebrows as I opened up one eye, noticing I was cuddling her body pillow instead. I sat up, turning on the lamp on my nightstand. Grace was nowhere to be found in our bedroom. “Jagiya?“

I got up, opening the bedroom door as I tied my rope across my body. I noticed Grace cleaning the kitchen counter in a frenzy. “Jagiya?” She quickly turned around to see me, standing in the open area.

“Hi, Jamie,” she greeted me with a smile. I walked closer to the kitchen, washing her clean what looked like a spotless counter already.

“What are you doing up so late?”

“This kitchen was super dirty from dinner last night,” Grace answered, now opening the empty dishwasher. “Remind me to call maintenance sometime tomorrow; all the dishes I washed earlier did not get clean as guaranteed–“

“Ya“, I intervened, clearly not awake to have this conversation with Grace. “It’s 3:30 in the morning; why are you cleaning at this hour?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Grace closed the dishwasher and walked to the refrigerator. She opened the door, analyzing the inside of it. “I should really throw away any old food in here…” I sighed, walking over to Grace and closing the fridge door on her. She looked at me, not happy about that whatsoever. “Jamie.”

“Jagiya,” I said back in some tone as Grace. I smile, rubbing my face with my hands to wake myself up completely. “What’s going on? We have the 6-month check-up of agi in literally 6 hours.”

“6 hours?” Grace repeated. “That should give me time to reorganize the closet by season!” I grabbed Grace by the arm before she was able to walk away.

“Grace,” I finally said. She sighed as she finally looked at me. She knows I’m serious when I call her by her first name. “What’s wrong? What’s going on?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she admitted. “I kept tossing and turning, then I was hot and cold, and then Baby wanted a late-night snack, so I came into the kitchen and saw that the counter wasn’t cleaned properly, and so I went ahead and started cleaning the entire kitchen.” If there was something I always knew about Grace was that she was naturally a productive person, but when it becomes excessive like this, it’s more connected to something else that is on her mind. I took her hand and walked to the couch with her, sitting her down next to me. It was time for Unpaid Therapist Jamie.

“Something tells me you’re super anxious about this appointment later today,” I mentioned.

“What? Of course not! It’s just another check-up appointment to see how Baby is doing, and–“

“The one where we decide whether or not we want to know the sex of the baby,” I said bluntly. Once I was the one to say it out loud, the avalanche of worries began to pour out of Grace.

“Jamie, I’m terrified,” Grace finally admitted. “What if something is wrong with the baby? What if the doctor isn’t able to tell what the sex of the baby is?” She gasped as she continued her racing train of thought. “What if–“

“Jagiya,” I smiled at her, finding it wholesome that she was feeling as nervous as she did. “The only difference with this appointment is that we can find out if it’s going to be a boy or a girl.” She looked at me with a peculiar look on her face, almost stunned.

“And that doesn’t scare you? Knowing that it’s about to be so real?” Grace questioned.

“So that’s what’s keeping you up,” I leaned back on the couch, crossing my arms along my chest. “Knowing the sex of agi is making it feel like things are real now.” I tried my best to play it off, just to show Grace that she was worrying about nothing regarding this appointment. “Is your growing belly not making things feel real?” Grace doesn’t find it comforting.

“Knowing what we’re having makes me realize that I am actually carrying a human being for the next few months. Right now, I just feel like it’s just another part of my body.” Grace genuinely looked nervous. I get closer to her to wrap my arm around her, rubbing her leg with my hand for reassurance.

“Isn’t that the beauty of the experience? Knowing that we can start picking out names for agi, buy things unique to them, and be ready for their arrival?” I rubbed the top of her stomach in hopes it would calm her down a bit. “Didn’t you find out when you were having Willow?”

“I chose not to find out,” she confessed. I was shocked, not knowing that piece of information before. “I was in a different space back then. I was trying to hide my pregnancy as long as I possibly could, so knowing the sex of the baby was… something I didn’t want to know.” Hearing Grace talk about her pregnancy with Willow made me sad for her. She had to have this certain attitude about being pregnant with Willow, as if she had to play a role in order to not put her career at risk.

Grace loves Willow. I concluded that the first time I saw Grace with Willow; at the cafe when she was just a baby. She spoke about her first pregnancy on multiple occasions, but always left out what she actually went through at that time. I bring her in for a hug, kissing her forehead before saying anything back. Maybe I didn’t have to say anything back; maybe this was the answer she needed. To know that things are different this time around. She’s older now, and she has a career that she loves. Her family and friends all know about the baby, and all she has to do in these 9 months is simply welcome them into the world.

“Things are different this time,” I reassured. “There’s simply no obstacles in our way to make this time not feel real.”

“Does that make me a bad mom? Not finding out what the sex was when I was having Willow?” I scrunched my eyebrows, upset that she would even think such a thing. I looked at her, concerned to see tears falling down her face.

“You are nothing close to being a bad mom.” I brushed my thumb along her cheek, wiping the fallen tears. “Not only are you an amazing mom to Willow, you’re also going to be an amazing mom to agi.” Grace tightly smiled at me, letting another tear fall down from her eye.

“How are you so calm about this?” Grace genuinely asked. “Here I am, freaking out about something I went through once, and the person who’s experiencing this for the first time ever is super chill?”

“One of us has to be the voice of reason,” I teased, smiling at her. “There can’t be two parents freaking out at the same time. And while yes, I do think about the fact that in three months, I’ll be a first-time father, but… I can’t let you see me sweat over it. I have to be strong for you, especially in times like this.” Grace laughed, rolling her eyes at me. She leaned in to kiss me on the lips, playing in my hair with her fingers. “Come on, let’s go to bed before we’re both delirious at the check-up tomorrow.”

…

I could see Grace’s head following my back-and-forth pacing in the ultrasound room. Grace sits there, taking in a deep breath before she grabs me, midway into panic mode.

“Jamie!” Grace whispered to me. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

“Nothing, jagiya,” I said, tugging at my sweater. “Why is it 80 degrees in this office?” Grace rolled her eyes, pulling me down to the seat next to her.

“What happened to one of us needed to be cool, calm, and collected in this situation?!”

“I still am,” I said, bouncing my leg in place. Grace watched me and crossed her arms along her chest.

“Pacing back and forth isn’t really calm,” Grace noted. “Jamie, are you sure you’re okay?” It was now me dealing with the avalanche of thoughts.

“You were right,” I started to say. “This feels too real now that we’re here. I mean, this is going to be our first time knowing the sex of the baby! The baby is real now! Like, an actual human being,” I looked down at Grace’s belly. “Agi, give us some time!” Grace giggled, tussling my hair as I looked back up at her.

“It’s okay to be nervous, Jamie,” Grace smiled as she said. “And it’s okay to not be the reassuring one this time. This is just as nerve-wrecking for you as it is for me.” I smiled at Grace, kissing her on the cheek, glad to have Grace here picking me up when I need it. It wasn’t long after the doctor came into the room, greeting both of us.

“Mom, Dad, welcome back,” she smiled as she sat on the stool. “How are we feeling today?”

“Okay, nervous,” Grace let out an anxious breath, holding her stomach.

“That’s completely normal at this point in the pregnancy,” the doctor said, preparing the machine to perform the ultrasound. She looked at me and smiled. “And how are you feeling, Dad?”

“I… uhm…” My throat was dry, and I felt like I was sitting in a sauna at this point. I watched as she prepared the bottle of gel on the scanner and turned on the machine to start the appointment. This was it. This was the moment when it was going to feel even more real. Am I ready? Will I ever feel ready? We are literally going to be a family in 3 months. In 3 months, I’m going to be a father. Grace looked over at me, trying to get me to calm down by rubbing my bouncing leg. “Good.” The doctor didn’t say anything after that; she simply smiled and continued with her work.

The doctor puts the scanner back down next to the machine and instructs Grace to lie back on the chair to prepare for the ultrasound. “So, Baby seems like they are in a perfect position at this point in the pregnancy, which is great; have you been experiencing more aches and pains in your body?” the doctor asked Grace.

“Oh yeah,” Grace nervously laughs it off, holding her belly. “My lower back has been hurting more these days, and I’m not able to stay up on my feet for too long.” The doctor nods her head, agreeing with Grace’s response.

“I will say that compared to your medical record for your first pregnancy, the baby this time around is slightly bigger at this stage, and it makes a difference when your body is of a smaller build.” Aigoo. I knew how much Grace had been struggling over the last month alone, unable to fully do the things that kept her productive. She was frustrated when she couldn’t, and sometimes would take it out on me when I tried to help her. I know she didn’t mean it, especially since Grace was naturally the type of woman who did things herself.

The doctor looked at me afterwards. “Dad, we recommend a couple of times a day to relieve Mom from lower back pain by simply holding her belly up, relieving some of that tension.”

“I, uhm,” I cleared my throat, unable to form a single sentence. Grace looked at me with a worried look. Aigoo, now I’m making her even more nervous, and now we are officially both the nervous parents.

“Before we begin, can I speak to you outside for a moment, Dad?” the doctor said as she took her gloves off. I looked at Grace before getting up, walking out of the room with the doctor. She closes the door once we’re both in the hallway, away from Grace. “Please know that it is completely normal to feel how you are feeling in this situation. Many first-time dads come in here with these overwhelming feelings, even when they try to be the strong one between both parents.” I cocked my eyebrow up, wondering how she knew this was my first time, but she mentioned this was Grace’s second.

“I’m just trying to be strong for Grace, but I can’t say it’s easy,” I admitted. The doctor nodded her head, understanding what I was saying.

“Of course,” she began to say. “Remember, you are also going through all the emotions of a person who is going to be a father for the first time. These appointments can make things feel real, real fast.” I let out a deep breath, shaking the nerves out of my hands. “It’s okay to be the strong one between you and Grace, while also feeling everything being a first-time father.”

“Thank you,” I said. The doctor smiled and opened the door to the room once more. Grace was prepared in the chair, her belly exposed and ready for the ultrasound. I walked over to Grace while the doctor spoke to her assistant briefly.

“Are you okay?” Grace asked. I smiled and nodded my head, putting my hand into hers. The doctor walked back to the table, putting on a new pair of gloves.

“Okay,” she said, turning the machine on. “Let’s see how Baby is doing.” The assistant turned off the lights as the doctor placed the scanner against Grace’s belly. I was getting nervous when it took the doctor some time to find agi. I stared at the screen intently, anticipating the moment I got to see them again. Immediately, agi came on screen, and I was completely in awe. They’ve grown so much since the last time we got to see them. Agi is looking like an actual agi now.

I looked at Grace as she stared at the screen. Her face is wet; the glaze from the screen hit her face. I take Grace’s hand and kiss it, rubbing her knuckles to remind her I’m here. I’m here, jagiya; right now, and forever.

“Baby is looking really good,” the doctor began to explain. “Ten little fingers, and ten little toes.” There’s really a baby on that screen, in Grace’s belly, with ten fingers, ten toes, a head, and a face… one that will resemble both Grace and me. The doctor smiles and now looks at us. “Of course, I’ll print out some pictures for you to take home, and if you’d like, we could also let you know the sex of the baby. Would that be something you’d like to find out today?”

“Ye-” As I begin to answer the doctor’s question, at the same time as Grace, she answers frantically.

“No,” she answered. I looked at her, not expecting that to be her answer. The doctor looked at both of us and tightly smiled.

“Perhaps I’ll let you two discuss; I’ll be back in 10 minutes,” the doctor said, getting up from her chair and walking out of the room with the assistant.

“Jagiya,” I began the conversation. “What’s wrong?”

“Maybe you were right,” Grace started to explain. “Knowing the sex of the baby is making this feel too real, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for it to feel this real.”

“It’s already real,” I tried explaining to Grace. “Look how far we’ve come already–“

“I’m not ready for it to be real yet, Jamie,” she pleaded. “Once we find out if it’s a boy or girl, this baby isn’t just something happening. It’s like… I’m carrying a human baby that is going to come into this world.” I took Grace by both hands and held them tight to refocus her mind on me, trying to make her see that this time is different. Our story is different. Our love is different. We are able to welcome this baby into the world together with the intent of being its parents. She never has to worry whether or not she will be alone in this process again. She can simply continue to grow our little baby until it’s time to be their parents. As scary as it sounds, I can’t help but feel a wave of excitement knowing that this baby is mine. This baby is ours, created out of unconditional and pure love.

“You don’t have to be scared this time, Grace. You don’t have to hide something as beautiful and magical as bringing a child into this world. You don’t have to constantly live in survival mode and live this experience alone. I am right by your side on this journey. I will always be right by your side.” I leaned in and gently kissed Grace on the lips, as if I was sealing in that promise. “I love you, jagiya.”

“I love you too, Jamie,” Grace said as her hormones got the best of her. I quickly reached for some tissues, handing them over to Grace. “Gosh, I’m a mess,” she said, laughing as she wiped her eyes with the tissue. I smiled at her, placing my hand on her leg.

“Forever my mess,” I teased, which made Grace giggle. The doctor came back into the room with pictures of the ultrasound in her hand and sat back down in her chair.

“Everything okay, Mom and Dad?” she asked us. Mom and Dad. Oh, how I love the sound of that.

“Yes, we are,” I answered for us, never letting go of Grace’s hand. Grace cleared her throat and got herself together before she spoke.”

“We would like to know the sex of the baby today,” she stated with such confidence. That’s my girl. The doctor rolled her chair closer to us, showing us the various pictures from the ultrasound.

“Typically, we could determine the gender by a singular nub. It’s hard to determine when you’re not familiar with what you should look for, but with some direction, you’ll see exactly what we see.” She points at a certain area of the picture, explaining the different parts of it.

“So to conclude everything I explained,” the doctor laughed as she spoke. “I can confidently say that you are having a beautiful, healthy… baby girl.”

…

Later that night, Grace and I celebrated the news in the absolute best way possible. Grace and I laid in bed, naked underneath the comforter. I held her in my arms, her belly slightly resting on my side. I comb my fingers through her hair as she rests her head on my chest.

“Jagiya,” I whispered in her hair. She lifted her head up to look at me.

“Jamie.” I looked down at her, caught off guard by the way she said my name.

“gwaenchanheuseyo? Are you okay?” She smiled at me, readjusting herself to sit up next to me.

“Thank you.”

I was confused. “For what?”

“For talking me through it today,” Grace began to explain. “I… didn’t have that when I was having Willow.” The night Grace told me she was pregnant, she expressed how genuinely scared she was going through it again. She had explained that her first pregnancy was more of a secret between her and Willow’s father. They had both worked in the same law firm as interns, knowing that they had a restrict policy with interwork relationships. She was young, still trying to figure who she was, but forced to live in a world where she didn’t belong as a 25 year old. She vividly recalled how her first trimester was; calling out of work because it was hard to act as normal as possible trying to hide the reason she was constantly sick. I promised her from that day on, I’d be apart of every single process with her.

I made sure that I was available for every appointment she had. I made sure I woke up every morning and remind her to take her prenatal vitamins. I made sure she ate something sustainable on days she was sick. I made sure she never would feel like she was alone in this process, and that if she ever felt like she couldn’t do it, I was there cheering her on.

I gently kissed her on the forehead, smiling back at her. “You don’t have to thank me, jagiya. You’ve already given me possibly the best thing I’d ever get, that no one else can give to me.”

“I’m going to pretend that you’re also talking about me, and not only our daughter.” Grace teased. Our daughter.

“The second best thing then,” I teased back, smiling as I kissed her lips. I took a breath, getting my mind focused. “Okay, so she is not going to date boys until she graduates high school.”

Grace laughed as she crossed her arms along her chest. “She’s not even here yet, and you’re already setting ground rules?”

“We didn’t even know agi was a girl this time yesterday; we missed precious moments to set down some rules for her when she’s here!” I said, already getting into my protective girl dad mode.

Grace cupped my face gently. “Oh God, I can already tell she’s going to be a daddy’s girl.”

“But she’ll have your personality for sure,” I promised, getting the feeling that agi was going to keep me on my toes the way Grace does. I hold Grace close that night, feeling her body drift away to sleep in my arms while also holding yeoja agi, our baby girl, in her belly.

I wouldn’t trade my girls for anything else in the world.

The one thing that I realized in the 5 months Grace has been pregnant is that while I find her to be sexy, Grace believes otherwise.

It was no surprise that at any given moment, when Grace and I were alone, I wanted to be physically close to her. I wanted to hold her and kiss her, and eventually pick her up by her waist and carry her back to our room. That was our routine at first, especially on the days that we both came home from work stressed, and the weekends after we dropped off Willow back at her father’s house.

When we first found out that she was pregnant, Grace was an animal. At any given moment, she wanted to have sex; while we cooked dinner, as we did laundry, even before her OBGYN appointments. As time passed and she started showing, she didn’t initiate it the way she used to, and every time I tried, she wasn’t in the mood. I also didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable than she was already with this pregnancy, so needless to say, it’s been a while since Grace and I actually did the deed. Which is hard already, considering the fact that I find myself even more attracted to her as the days pass.

“Do you think they got lost?” Grace asked as she looked out the apartment window. I looked up at her as I was setting the table for tonight’s game night. She turned around and looked at me with a nervous look.

“Shawn and Sky know exactly where we live,” I began to say, putting down the stack of games on the table. “Maybe they’re stuck in traffic.” Shawn and Skylar were in New York, helping her father get settled in his new place. He figured he wanted to stay close to his brother, Grace’s father, and to be closer to his family. Shawn and Sky have been planning to get an apartment in New York as well, to be closer to Skylar’s dad. It wasn’t long after that that the doorbell rang, and I walked over and answered it for Grace. Shawn and Skylar stood there, getting themselves together as if they had run across Central Park to get here.

“Hi!” Skylar said, straightening out her hair with her hands. Shawn also puts on a huge smile, clearly hiding something. The couple walked in, with Skylar walking towards Grace to greet her. Shawn stopped near me, clearing his throat.

“Ya, what took you guys so long?” I asked.

“Oh, Sky and I were stuck in traffic,” Shawn quickly said. Sheesh, he’s such a horrible liar.

“Yeah?” I began to say, straightening his inverted collar outwards. “Did you guys fight a pack of street rats on your way?” Shawn laughed way too loudly, which was always what gave him away when he lied.

“You are so funny!”

“Shawn,” I deadpanned, crossing my arms along my chest. “What really happened?” Shawn’s face began to turn red, knowing he got busted.

“Do you really want to know?” Shawn warned. When I don’t answer back and keep looking at him in the face, he ultimately sighs and gets closer to me. “Sky and I… you know…” Aigoo.

“Ya, Shawn!” I reacted, waving him away to stop.

“What? We’re all adults here in love,” he began to explain. “And it’s the truth. Sky and I had sex before coming here.” Asking Shawn to be honest about anything meant that I was going to get every single detail, whether or not it was even appropriate to share with others. The last thing I want is a mental picture of his my best friend and my girlfriend’s cousin fuc–

“Jamie!” I hear Skylar call my name. “How dare you let your pregnant girlfriend wait to eat because of us!” I walked over to the two women, giving Grace a smirk as I walked by.

“If you guys weren’t running almost an hour late, Grace wouldn’t have needed to wait,” I began to say. I turned around and looked at both Skylar and Shawn. “I mean, what possibly could have made a 15-minute commute a 45-minute one…” Skylar’s eyes widen, looking over at Shawn. He immediately follows me into the kitchen area, avoiding the intense stare of his wife.

“Hyung,” Shawn whispered. “You know Sky’s gonna kill me now for telling her business.”

“Listen, that’s on you,” I laughed, beginning to prepare a plate of food for Grace. Shawn walks over to make one for Skylar. “But seriously, you guys couldn’t wait to do your business when you got back to your place?”

“It’s hard,” Shawn pleaded. “Sky’s super hot, and whenever she wants it, I have to give it to her.” Another mental picture I do not need playing in my head. “You’re acting like you and Grace don’t have those spontaneous, sexy times.” I don’t say anything back; I continued to put Grace’s plate together. I guess the silence bothered Shawn. “You guys do have sex, right?” How do I even answer a question like that without– “Oh my god.”

“What?” I questioned, now looking at Shawn.

“When was the last time you and Grace had sex?” I would honestly need to look back on my calendar to give an exact time.

“That is none of your business,” I scolded, about to walk back into the living room when Shawn stepped in front of me. “Shawn.”

“You don’t remember the last time you guys had sex, don’t you?” Shawn asked. At this point, it wasn’t even worth trying to dismiss; Shawn made it his mission to have this conversation right now.

“It’s… been a while,” I said, trying to not give out any detailed information.

“A while? Like a couple of days?” No answer. “Weeks?” No answer. “Months?!”

“Ya,” I said, trying to quiet Shawn down. I sighed before I continued. “She’s been uncomfortable with the pregnancy and everything. I don’t want to make her even more uncomfortable.”

“Aren’t pregnant women prone to being really horny though?”

“Really, what?”

“Horny,” Shawn repeated. “Ah, I mean… uhm…heungbunhan.” I hold the bridge of my nose with my fingers, really wanting to end this exchange right now.

“I don’t know, Shawn! All I know is that if Grace doesn’t want it, I’m not going to push her to do it–“

“Are you not feeling attracted to her?” I scoffed at Shawn’s question; it was the silliest thing he could ask me.

“The opposite,” I began to say. “I feel like I’m even more attracted to Grace being pregnant.” It was Shawn now making that “TMI” expression on his face. “If I could, I would take–“

“Okay, okay; I get it,” Shawn interrupted. “So, what’s holding you back?”

“Grace. She doesn’t see herself the way that I do, as if she doesn’t believe me when I actually say she’s sexy.” It was a constant battle to get Grace in the mood; not because she didn’t feel the same way about me, but because she couldn’t see herself being desirable to me. If only she knew I would rip–

“Maybe you need to be spontaneous about it,” Shawn suggested. “Don’t let her dictate how the night is going to go. Make her feel like you still see her as sexy, pregnant or not.”

“I don’t want to force her to have sex with me, Shawn,” I immediately defended. “If she’s uncomfortable–“

“She probably doesn’t want you to know she’s uncomfortable, hyung. A woman wants to feel desired and loved by her man, and to take control of the situation when she feels too shy to do it on her own.” I cocked my eyebrow up, wondering where Shawn got all of this from.

“What, you’re now a love doctor?” I scoffed. Shawn shrugged his shoulders, taking the plate he had made for Skylar in his hands.

“I’m a changed man, hyung,” Shawn responded. “The married life has changed me.” I shook my head, about to walk out of the kitchen and back to the women in the living room. A part of me felt like Shawn was right. It was obvious that Grace knew that I knew how she felt about her body changing these last couple of months. Maybe she’s been waiting for me to prove her wrong and take control of the situation. Being spontaneous was something I was not known for doing, but maybe trying it out for one night would show Grace that she’s just as beautiful and desirable now as she was back then. I will show Grace just how sexy I still see her.

…

The apartment is dark. Two candles are burning on top of the dining room table, and soft music plays gently in the background. I hear Grace’s keys jingling against the door, letting in the light from the hallway into the apartment. Her silhouette is seen standing at the door, the light hitting her body in every perfect angle.

“Jamie?” She calls out for me. Music to my ears. I turn on the small lamp next to the chair I’m sitting in, directly facing Grace’s direction, waiting for her. She looks at me with a surprised look on her face. “Jamie?”

“Welcome home, jagiya,” I said, slowly getting up from the chair. Grace stands there, still confused. I gently kiss her cheek and assist her in taking off her jacket.

“What is all of this?” Grace asked as she walked further into the apartment. She looks around before sitting on the couch.

“Just something I decided to put together,” I said, walking to Grace. I sat on the ottoman across from her, lifting her left leg up to unbuckle the heels she had on. Grace watched intently, almost as if she didn’t want to say anything to interrupt the moment. She groaned in relief once the first heel was off her foot. I immediately lifted her right leg, taking off the heel from that foot. I gently started to massage her feet, watching Grace throw her head back on the couch.

“Oh my god, that feels amazing,” Grace commented, picking her head up to watch me. I smirk at her, enjoying seeing Grace relax like this. “Did I miss something important today?” I laughed and shook my head.

“No, no,” I said, looking up at her. I could tell that Grace was on her feet for most of the day today; her feet were extremely tense to begin with. She had attended the open house for her dance academy, and if there’s one thing I know about Grace, it’s the fact that she will put 100% of herself into her passions. I still can’t believe just how amazing a woman Grace is. “Tonight, we are celebrating you.”

“Me?” Grace pointed at herself and sat up once I was finished massaging her feet. I stop her before she can get up, grabbing her slippers from the side of the couch. Grace looks at me with this look, impressed.

“Yes, you,” I said in a low voice, helping her off the couch. I kissed her neck gently as she leaned her head on my shoulder, trying to keep it together. I directly speak to her neck, kissing it almost after every other word. “We’re celebrating your successful open house at the academy. We are celebrating everything you’ve accomplished…” I gently caressed her chin with my hand, lifting her head up to look at me. “We are celebrating the life you are creating.”

“Hey, you helped too,” Grace teased back. I smiled, kissing her on the lips gently.

“But you’re doing all the work,” I said to her lips. I kissed her deeper this time, feeling Grace melt on my lips. “And to do it while being the most beautiful, sexiest woman takes true talent.” I took Grace by the hand, leading her to the dining room table. I pulled out a chair for her, guiding her down slowly as she sat. She watched my every move, going to the kitchen and grabbing two plates of food, and placing them on top of the table.

She looked down at the plate and gasped, excitedly. “You made bulgogi?!”

“I know you specifically like the way I make it,” I started to say, pouring her a sparkling drink. “And some sparkling raspberry lemonade; the best of both cultures.” Grace giggled as she picked up her chopsticks to eat.

She quickly put her chopsticks down and looked at me. “Jamie.”

“Yes, jagiya?”

“What is the meaning of all of this?”

“There is no meaning,” I responded, beginning to eat the dinner. “How was your day?” Grace looked at me before picking up her chopsticks again to eat, seeming to finally play along.

“It went well,” Grace began to explain. “We had a lot of prospective students come and see the studio, my Aunt Jennifer was there for moral support. And the girls put on a great number for the performance aspect of the event.” I loved it when I was able to see Grace visibly get excited over something. That never changed about Grace, whether she was talking about a case she worked on while she was in the firm, or a dance she taught her dancers at the studio. “How about you? Were you busy putting all of this together?”

“Ne, maja; that is correct,” I said, smiling at her. “My only objective was to make tonight as perfect as the person it’s for.” I could see Grace blushing, covering a smile with her hand as she ate. Dinner went by pretty fast; Grace had finished her plate of food way before I did. I know just how hungry agi has made Grace feel these last couple of weeks since entering her second trimester. After dinner, Grace and I went back to sit on the couch, talking about everything and anything she wanted to. Every now and then, she’d rub her belly with her hand; every time she did that, it made the butterflies in my stomach act up. I eventually join her, placing my hand on top of hers.

“I was grateful that Baby was calm for the open house,” Grace mentioned. “Between my nervousness and constant heartburn, I swore I was going to have to leave early.”

“Ya, agi,” I spoke to Grace’s stomach. “What did we say about giving eomma a hard time when she’s working?” Grace giggled as she watched. Immediately, I felt the baby kick. It completely took me off guard. I looked up at Grace in utter shock. “Did you feel that?! Of course, you felt that; that was a stupid question.”

“They’ve been pretty active lately,” Grace said, holding her belly as I stared down at it. “I think they can hear you.” I couldn’t help but feel incredibly giddy in this moment. I knew this moment would come one day; the moment that everything finally feels real. Grace and I are really having a baby, and that baby is moving around underneath my hand. I couldn’t help myself at this point; I immediately kissed Grace in a passion, feeling so turned on by her. The kiss turns into a make-out session, and my hands are exploring her body. I bite down on her bottom lip, pulling it with my teeth as a little moan comes out of her. She’s driving me crazy.

She looks at me with low eyes, trying to catch her breath. “Jamie.”

“Yes, jagiya?” I kiss her jawline before looking at her. I can see Grace contemplating this next move.

“I, uhm–“

“Grace,” I said in a more serious tone. “You don’t even know how hard I am holding myself back from ripping you out of that dress.” Grace’s eyes widen, surprised at my honesty. I rubbed my thumb against the spot I bit on her lip, hoping I didn’t draw any blood.

“Jamie,” Grace said, shocked. I smiled at her, taking in her beauty. I don’t know what I did to deserve a woman like Grace, but I felt the need to show just how grateful I am to be the man who gets to love her. “What has gotten into you?” She playfully teased back.

“Let me put it this way, jagiya,” I said, finally sitting up to face her. “The way your body is creating a life as a result of two people being madly in love with each other; it’s the hottest thing you’ve done.” Grace giggled, slightly blushing as her response.

“Are you saying you like me better pregnant?” she asked. I shook my head.

“Not better,” I said, gently kissing her lips. “Just as much.” I caressed her body to get it closer to mine, tracing my index finger down the side of her belly. I can feel her tense up when I do, about to take control of the situation. Not today, jagiya.

“Nuh-uh,” I whispered as I kissed her lips softly. “Trust me when I say that I still think you’re hot, sexy, and know just how to keep me turned on.”

“Jamie,” Grace nervously laughed, adjusting herself to look at me. “I’m a walking hot air balloon. I’m achy all the time, and I’m starting to wobble as I walk. I am everything but attractive right now.”

“That is where you are wrong,” I responded. “I’m fascinated that more and more each day, your body changes. I know you may feel uncomfortable, and you probably don’t feel as sexy as you did before getting pregnant. I think you’re even more sexy, and all I want is to show you what you do to me.” I lift Grace up from beside me, placing her on top of my lap, facing me. I give her one last kiss before I look at her with a devilish smile. “Hold on, beautiful.” I get up from the couch, my arms grab a hold of Grace by her hips. She gasped and wrapped her arms around my neck.

“Oh my God Jamie,” Grace said, stunned. I adjust her on me, cupping her butt with my hands. I carried her towards the wall next to the bedroom door. Her back is now pressed against the wall as I begin to send her kisses from her neck to her chest, loving the flustered color it’s turning.

“Neo jeongmal segsihae,” I said, kissing her jaw before looking directly in her eyes. She looks at me with a bewildered look. It’s a cross between “oh my god, what has gotten into Jamie” and “Fuck me already, Jamie”. I choose to listen to the ladder.

I open our bedroom door with Grace still in my arms, and immediately place her on the bed. I kissed her as I began to unbuckle my pants; her hands finding the hem of my sweater and started lifting it up. I helped her finish, exposing my bare chest to her. She immediately traces her hand down my chest; my body burning for her touch. I take her leg and put it over my shoulder, leading kisses up her leg. She watches me, breathing heavily and completely in awe. I travel up her body, looking at her directly in the eyes as I take her underwear off. She tries to sit up, but I immediately shake my head, placing a finger on her mouth.

“Ya“, I said in a deep voice. I kissed her, tracing my hands along the hem of the dress. “Remind me to take you shopping for a new dress.” I grip the dress by the neckline, and instead of just unbuttoning the dress, I rip it open. Buttons fly all over the room. Grace gasps, watching me. She was trying to find the words to speak. I could see the thoughts in her head as if they were translucent. “I did say I was going to show you; did I not?” Grace simply nods her head, watching me as I unhook her bra, exposing her breasts. My eyes look at her in lust. “Let me show just how hot, sexy, and beautiful you are, jagiya.”

Grace’s breathy moans were addicting. I could tell she was holding herself back for the sake of our neighbors. I wasn’t making it any easier for her, pushing her to her absolute limit just so that I could hear her enjoying it.

“Jamie–“

“I can’t hear you…”

“Please,” Grace pleaded in a breathy whisper. I kissed up and down her neck, groaning into it as I did. God, she feels so perfect. My hands trace down the side of her body, pulling her leg up to get in deeper. She finally gasps out loud as it echoes through the bedroom.

“Much better,” I whispered into her ear as her back fell into my chest. I continue to play with her, showing her a side of me that she has never seen before, and a side I never knew I had in me. “Let them hear all the beautiful noises that come out of that pretty mouth of yours.” Just to motivate her a little more, I started getting deeper and deeper, seeing just how much she could take me in.

“Oh my god,” Grace shouts, turning her head to look at me. I can see it all over her face, the sheer shock, excitement, and arousal she is experiencing. Her hair is spread wild on the bed, and with my right hand, I pull it, making Grace arch her back more against me. “Yes,” she said as her voice cracked. I kissed her softly on her jawline, breathing heavy into her neck. I couldn’t help myself anymore, to the point where the atmosphere took me over. I quickly pulled out and got up from our bed.

Grace lay back, watching me walk to the front of the bed with my eyes never off of her. I got a good grip of her legs and pulled her close to me, spreading them open. I slowly go back in, watching Grace bite her lip and arch her back in utter bliss. She was completely aroused; her breasts were perked up; her nipples were hard. I leaned in and gently placed my mouth on her right breast, toying with her. It drove me crazy when Grace began petting me, tussling my hair after every breathy moan she let out. I looked up at her before traveling from her chest, down to her stomach, kissing it softly.

“Aigoo, you’re so beautiful,” I say to Grace, my lips brushing against her stomach. I stand back up, putting my index and middle fingers close to her mouth. To my surprise, she opens her mouth and accepts my fingers, licking them with her tongue and slowly pulling them out of her mouth. It was a beautiful sight to see Grace get into it, showing me just how fucking sexy she is.

I take my hand and place it just below her stomach, looking at her for confirmation. “May I?” She quickly nodded her head yes. “Uri gongjunimeul wihaeseoramyeon mueosideun.” Anything for my princess. I go down deeper and begin playing with her with my fingers while also still being inside her. Grace’s head snaps back, as her arch was even higher than it was previously. The filth coming out of her mouth sounded more like spoken word poetry, a sentiment that I wouldn’t mind hearing more often. Fuck me harder. Baby, don’t stop. Your dick is so fucking big. That last one drove me insane.

I feel myself closer and closer to finishing, pumping into Grace hard as the headboard hits the wall with every thrust. Grace’s moans got louder; each one more arousing than the last. I grab her by her hips, slamming her against me harder and harder. I couldn’t keep my own mouth shut; it was like I needed to let her know just how crazed she was making me. You’re taking me so well, beautiful. You feel so fucking good on me. You’re so perfect. That last one, I looked at her while saying it, watching her breasts jump from each pump.

“Jamie,” Grace moaned out, her mouth gaping open. “Oh my god, I’m–“

“Nuh-uh,” I leaned in, kissing her lips softly. “You have to wait for me.”

“Jamie,” she dragged out my name in desperation. “Please–“

“Please what?”

“I… can’t…” Grace said, grinding her teeth together and shutting her eyes.

“Jagiya,” I teased. “No, no; look at me.” Grace opens her eyes, which, more than anything, tells me she’s ready. “Please what?”

“Cum for me,” She finally said out loud, looking directly into my eyes. The devilish smirk reveals itself for one last time.

“Not until you do so first,” I said, standing back up and turning Grace’s head with my hand, facing the vanity mirror. “Watch as I finish showing you just how hot and sexy you are.” From there, there was no turning back. I continued pounding Grace onto me, sweat dripping down my face, looking down at her as she watched through the mirror. Her moans begin to line up to mine, my body beginning to feel completely numb. If this wasn’t the best sex Grace and I had, I don’t know what is.

“Oh fuck,” I let out, finally releasing myself into her. “Grace,” I moaned out. She let out possibly the most angelic moan out of her body, feeling her finish on me. I lean on her slightly, catching my breath as I look at her. She turns her head to look at me, and gasps one last time as I go in deeper, letting her know in a way that if I could, I’d do it again. Over and over and over again.