Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!
So, as many of my readers may know, I’ve been single for quite some time. Can’t believe it’s been seven months already, but yeah – she’s been single for a while. The single life, in its simplest form, has been very good to me. I’ve been able to get to know myself better by myself, I’ve been able to meet some dope new people and call them my friends, and I’ve been able to go on adventures by myself and make some cool memories just this year so far! I definitely like life the way it is now just because I’m taking care of myself and learning how to balance my top needs while still being involved in other people’s lives.
But, sometimes it does get lonely on this side of the spectrum.
When you’re in a romantic relationship, you always have a plus one to events or gatherings. If I wanted to see someone in concert, invite your partner. If I was going on a vacation, invite your partner. If I was going to a social gathering, hey – bring that partner of yours for some social support! When you’re single, you don’t always have that other person beside you to do these things, and although for the most part, I’m okay with that (I went to a concert on my own and went on vacation on my own as well and was fine for the most part), it still feels good to experience these things with a person you love.
Also, with the adult friendships you have in your life, sometimes it’s just going to be you doing these things. Sometimes it’s empowering, and sometimes it sucks.
As a person who isn’t looking for a relationship any time soon, I still have this need to want to feel loved and give out love to those I care about. I’m just a lover, and it’s sometimes the hardest thing to be one when you got “no one to love.”
These days, though, I’m learning a lot about love; platonic love.
It’s funny because I first learned about the existence of platonic relationships through my favorite TV show of all time, The Killing. The two main characters, Detectives Sarah Linden and Stephen Holder are partners in various crime cases in Seattle, Washington, and throughout their crime-solving, we get to know them as characters and the demons they carry around, which many crime procedurals at its time did not do. You truly fell in love with these two together because although they fought and disagreed at times, they were truly each other’s rock, and they had a love for each other that they never had with anyone else in that world. They never hooked up, kissed (well, tried), or hinted that there was a romantic aspect of their relationship. They just had a love for each other that meant more than any romantic relationship, in my opinion.
Of course, that’s television, but platonic intimacy is truly a thing.
At this point, that is the type of love I want to have for a while. I want to meet new people that I can hopefully create these close friendships with and hope that there is a mutual understanding of our boundaries and willingness to be good friends. Even when I was in a relationship, I always had a hard time differentiating the types of love I show to different categories of people because, well, I treat everyone the same way, even if that meant that my partner got some of my more “friend” type of love at times as well. Sometimes, I really ask myself if I even know how to be in a relationship because of my struggle of loving someone in a romantic aspect and if the love I truly have for other people at this point in my life is just strictly “friend love”.
Meaning: I haven’t found the one yet to be romantically with, so no matter how many relationships I have in the future if that person isn’t “the one”, I’d most likely be just giving them “friend love”, which maybe is the sign telling me about statuses of those type of relationships.
In even simple terms, I don’t want romance in the connections I have with people in my life.
With that want and my demiromanticism, I believe that the most important relationships in my life now are my friendships, and for me to completely be myself and how my appreciation for them is having a platonic love them, which I truly do! I honestly love all of my friends and I’m so grateful to have them in my life, and these relationships are much more important to me than trying to find a romantic partner to give that love to.
So, to those that value their platonic relationships like romantic relationships, I commend you for doing so! Thank you for not being afraid of holding those relationships to the same level as you would for your romantic relationship, and I hope to be like you with my own friends one day!