Monday's Muse

This is What Passion Really Looks Like.

liz

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH.

Whoa, a Monday post?! I know, since when? I wanted to write and publish this post at the start of the week as a reminder to all of you (and myself) that no matter how things end up going, you still have passion doing it.

I say things after watching a middle school/high school talent show on Friday. My partner is a dance teacher at a school in NYC and for the last couple of years he’s been there, he has taught a group of girls that call themselves “The Eliminators.” For the last month and a half, I’ve been a witness to my partner’s hard work and dedication towards this show and the competition they went to literally an hour before the talent show started. They were the last to perform for the evening; I could tell my partner was extremely nervous for them to perform and execute this dance well.

The group danced in a way I never saw them dance before, to be honest. This was my first time seeing them in person dancing, but by judging the videos I was sent of their last performances, these girls really outdid themselves. While they were dancing, I noticed my partner cheering his group on in the middle of the auditorium, hyping them up as they danced with the biggest smile on his face. I saw it in his face. I saw it in his nerves, his composure, and his body language. I saw how passion really looked like.

Continue reading “This is What Passion Really Looks Like.” →

Voiceless Rant: The Series

A Voiceless Rant: April 2018 Edition.

liz

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH.

I don’t know about you guys, but I feel like April is just flying by us. It feels like I blinked and somehow we are on April 18th. I find it really crazy that in a month my last semester of school ends and that in a month and a half I graduate with my Masters. I am feeling all different types of emotions at the moment, so I decided to come on here and write what I write best:

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I know many of you probably don’t read these posts solely because I tend to express some of the same ideas again and again: grad school, mental, health, blah blah blah. Maybe there are some of you who read to be informed or to relate to your own situations, but for the most part, these posts are mainly me just talking about what’s been on my mind, and for the past year or so, these topics have been on my mind.

Anyway, I’m writing this today as a reminder to my future self that the decision I made was the right one, despite currently feeling otherwise at this moment.

Last week, I finally spoke up to my doctor about my ongoing anxiety and requested to seek therapy.

I know I mention time and time again in my posts about mental health that those who need special attention with their mental health should not be/feel ashamed in seeking professional help. I preach this all the time, and yet it took me nearly two years to suck it up and finally ask for some help. It would’ve saved me so many restless nights of anxiety and crying spells if I just have spoken up sooner.

Guys, please don’t do what I did and wait. We are all different and the way we handle our own issues and situations vary as well. Just because I waited this long to reach out, doesn’t mean it was the right thing to do.

As a society, we are so quick to run to the emergency room or to our doctor when we physically don’t feel good. Got the flu? Doctor. Broke a bone? Doctor. Got a bad cough or a sore throat? Doctor. We are quick to check out the things that are physically hurting us, yet so many of us will live in the dark about our mental health. We deem our mental health as “self-curable” and the cure to a sad or gloomy day is positivity and smiles. It doesn’t work that way.

I’ve been that girl. I’ve analyzed my feelings and made myself believe that what I was feeling wasn’t that serious and that I was being overly dramatic. I told myself countless times over and over if I focused my energy on positivity and just smiled all day long, I would feel better. If I was having a good day, I forced myself to stay that way because I was tired of feeling sad. I overworked my mind and my body just so that I didn’t have to deal with all the bullshit that my mind likes to feed me, and I believed that once I went to seek for help, those around me would deem me as “weak” even though I knew that wasn’t true. I believed that I was a stronger person if I handled my own issues myself. 

At the end of the day when the sun goes down and all the people around you go to sleep for the night and you’re up at 2 in the morning sitting in your bathroom crying for absolutely no fuckin’ reason and begin to feel anxiety creep on you yet you’re calm, you know what you’re telling yourself is a goddamn lie.

Some issues you can’t solve on your own because you just don’t understand how they occur, and I’ve had enough of trying to save myself when I already tried all that I could.

My first appointment for therapy is next Wednesday, and yeah I’m feeling more anxious than usual. I am out of my comfort zone and sharing with another person who does not know me the things that I haven’t even expressed in detail to my own family. It’s nerve-wracking and honestly, you are going to feel some level of shame at first and deem yourself as “crazy” because of the stigma mental health has.

Let me reassure you guys and even to myself that taking the first step of getting some professional help is probably the hardest part of the progress. You’ve acknowledged your mental health and you deemed it as significant if you’re bringing it up to your doctor. You’ve become aware of the fact that something just doesn’t feel right, and you decided that you are going to prioritize it and attempt to make it better. In no way shape or form, you’re now weak for speaking up about your mental health. In a sense, you are now a part of the movement that is trying to make mental health just as common and acceptable to talk about in society.

As for me, I hope that seeking help with my mental health allows me to gather some of myself back. I long for the days I could feel inspired and passionate about the things that drive me. I long for the days I smiled and laughed and stayed happy for months on end because I was genuinely happy. I long for the days that I had a better sense of who I was. I know many of these things are going to be long and tedious and will probably cause me even more anxiety the more I am forced to get out of my safe space/comfort zone, but I am ready to make a change. I’m ready to be a survivor to those who are simply not brave enough yet to speak up. I want to be an example to people. I want to tell the story about how I got through possibly the hardest time in my life as a young adult. I want to end that story with,

“here I am, better than ever.”

 

-Liz. (:

Self-Appreciation Saturdays

SAS: Relax Your Mind, But Don’t Ignore It. (4/7/18)

liz

Screenshot 2018-02-09 at 11.51.14 AM

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH.

As we hit these final days of Spring Break, it’s also the last post of TNTH until after the semester work is done and complete. It does suck, but I feel like once I get everything I need to get done for my classes, I’ll be able to completely focus on the blog as well as coming up with new content to talk about on days like this.

Lately, it’s been really hard for me to relax my thoughts and my mind when there’s a million and one things to be on top of. I currently use a bullet journal (which you can read about here) to help me organize the many things I have on my never-ending list of things to focus on in my mind. Even then it could be difficult to space out time for yourself when you really don’t have it, and I hate to break it to you and to myself even, it’s just going to get a lot more intense when we get older. It’s always good to know that you have to take necessary breaks to ease your mind and relax from completing that mental to-do list.

While it is important to relax your mind, we sometimes think that relaxing your mind means ignoring everything going on in your mind. I am guilty of this. Sometimes, we just have so much to worry about that we tend to drop everything and ignore everything we are feeling in order to “relax” and while it does help, it only does temporarily. As a result, not only are you choosing to ignore your mind, you are also choosing to ignore your mental health. Every time you feel severely anxious or overwhelmed and ignore it just so it could go away, the next time it will happen even worse than the last time. Take it from a person who’s had frequent anxiety attacks within the last couple of weeks.

No one should ignore their mind to the point where you’re ignoring your mental health. Taking breaks to wind down is one thing, but continuously ignoring your feelings and emotions and classifying it as “just some unwanted thoughts”, you’re not doing yourself a favor. The more you try to seclude your feelings and thoughts out of your mind in order to “make your day better”, you’re just making the next episode worse.

Personally, I deal with a lot of anxiety that I know is very silly and dramatic, but I sometimes tend to categorize major anxiety issues with those ridiculous ones. I tell myself that I’m being over the top and I just need to calm down and forget about it. That helps my minor anxiety, but when it comes to the things that need more fixing, I completely shut down and ignore it in hopes that I’ll just feel better afterward. My problem is by doing that is like bottling up emotions; once it explodes, everything comes out. I recently had an episode where everything came exploding out during an anxiety attack and after sleeping on it and resting my mind the proper way, I realize just how much I try to ignore thinking about.

In recap, it’s good to take a breather every now and then. Relax a bit so that you can come back stronger and more clear-minded. With mental health, it’s not so easy and shouldn’t be taken too lightly. Just because you ignored how you were feeling and drowned yourself in some Netflix shows and suddenly feel better, it doesn’t mean that the anxiety or the depression or the whatever you were experiencing is now all of a sudden gone. Accept the fact that you are going through more than just a stressful day. You are going through a time in your life that will eventually go away, and it’s time to be more aware of it.

I am speaking my experience and my awareness into existence. You should too.

-Liz. (:

Topic Tuesdays: Random

What’s On My Book Shelf?

liz

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!

I’m not one to classify myself as a reader. You will never find me sitting down and grabbing a book to read during my time-off; I literally have to force myself to even read my school books whenever I have to do so. When I do sit down and read a book (and mostly it’s for school), I find myself really enjoying the stories that were told and end up adding them to my (now growing) book collection. Today, I wanted to share at least five of the books that currently sit on my shelf, both old and new!

1.) Sweat by Lynn Nottage

One of the more recent additions to the collection is Lynn Nottage’s play, Sweat. Sweat takes place mainly in a bar in Reading, Pennsylvania and in this setting, people in the neighborhood (whom all work in the same factory) do there after work, talk, and grab a drink. The time period jumps back from 2000 and 2008; the former focuses on the issue that many of these people who work at the factory are losing their jobs due to the factory secretly hiring immigrants for lower pay while the company begins to transition into going overseas. Many of these characters depend on the money they make at the factory to survive, and after the issue causing tension within these group of people (and even between best friends), there’s no solution to what’s happened and the factory is gone by 2008. Many issues surround the fact that many of these workers were there for generations and that working at the factory is the only skill they have. So, when they’re forced out of their jobs and are simply clapped on the back and told to find new jobs, they are literally starting from scratch, and life waits for no one to make money. I learned a lot about the financial issues of America and even how the 2008 Economic Crisis came to be. I currently had to read this in one of my classes and I’m glad that we did!

2. ) A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams

“STELLA!” Funny story about this play: During a Renaissance class I’m taking this semester, we were reading Sir Philip Syndey’s Astrophil and Stella, and my professor made the joke of yelling Stella. I was the only one who laughed. Anyone who has read this play knows that line yelled by Stanley is possibly the most famous line in the whole play, but this play has been one of my favorites since my freshman year of high-school. It’s been awhile since I read it, but from what I remembered: Blanche DuBois moves in with her sister and her sister’s husband Stella, and Stanley. Blanche is a very flashy and high-maintenance woman who only moves in because she lost the estate that was once in the DuBois name. In a series of events happening in the household, we see Stanley and Stella’s abusive relationship, and it leaves a bad taste in Blanche’s mouth and she and Stanley continuously bump heads until the climax of the play. By the end of the play, readers (and viewers) are left wondering if we should feel sorry for what happens to Blanche. In one hand, we are left to analyze Blanche and judge her for her character, yet morally we sympathize with her and what ultimately happens to her. I don’t know why this play has been a favorite of mine all these years, but the overall story of the play depicts a time in history where things like this were happening in everyday homes. The play tells a tragic, yet a great story about an overall broken dynamic in a family, and in people.

3.) The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender

With its bright colored cover with a slice of cake on it, I knew when I purchased this book to read for my literature class last year that I was going to like it. This story follows the story of Rose, a 9-year-old girl who has her mother bake a lemon cake for her birthday. When she takes a bite out of her slice of cake, she begins to taste somberness and sadness; in other words, she begins to taste her mother’s emotions through the food that she makes. This family on the outside comes across as the “picture perfect” family, but through the food her family makes, we find out that her mother begins to have an affair, her brother is anti-social (and possibly autistic if analyzed that way), and her father is simply just a shadow in the family. This book follows the life of Rose as she learns how to live with her “skill”, and by the end of the book, there is a major twist that nobody in my class saw coming. It tells a unique story that deals with real-life families and situations and I feel like the “magical skill” she obtains is something that is normal in their society (or possibly a mask of a real-life one). Either way, I enjoyed this book and put it in my book collection.

4.) Vertigo by Louise DeSalvo

I read this in my sophomore year of undergrad in a memoir literature class and when I read it the first time, I was hooked. This story is about Louise and her Italian-American family. Although I don’t remember the details of it, I know that we, as readers, go through Louise’s life as a child, going through puberty, and when the stage in her life where she was experiencing her sexuality by sleeping with different boys in her high-school. To me, the memoir was really realistic and honest without any regrets regarding her life choices. Also, a lot of her Italian-American tradition reminds me of my own family, since I’m half Italian. But yeah! This memoir was one of the best ones I’ve read.

5.) Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi

This book was one of my favorites I’ve read while being in grad school. I had to read it for one of my classes last semester and it was another one that I couldn’t put down. The story is told my generations and generations of people within the same family, yet never knew about each other because of how history played out. The beginning of the story takes place during the Atlantic Slave Trade. This book, in general, tells both sides of history: one side that was forcefully removed from Africa, and the other side that stays in Africa. The story does a really good job of letting the readers know that history does repeat itself and that things in life do have a butterfly effect. There’s so much to talk about in this book and I’m so glad to be reading it for a second time in one of my classes this semester because it’ll be one of the very few books I get to read a second time. I say definitely read this book if you’re into African-American Literature.

 

That’s it for now! Of course, there are so many other books on my shelf that I will love to talk about, so lemme know if you’re interested to read another one of these book posts! 😀

 

-Liz. (:

Monthly Favorites

March 2018 Favorites!

liz

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!

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I’m aware it’s April 3rd and I’m talking about March things. Looking back at the past month, I realize that with the time I spent away from the blog and social media, I spent it learning new things and finding things that I really enjoyed throughout the month. So, without further ado: here are some of the things I found interesting/unique/awesome in the last month.

1.) Colson Whitehead’s The Underground Railroad

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This book has recently been added to my collection of books on my bookshelf so this isn’t included in next week’s post, but one of my classes this semester required us to read this book and when I say it’s so good, it’s amazing. The story follows 17-year-old Cora, a runaway slave who decides to escape her plantation by taking a literal train called the Underground Railroad. When she finds herself in each city destination, she comes face-to-face with a horrific time in history that historically wasn’t possible in 1850. Of course, Whitehead’s purpose of doing so explains more than it being a storyline; it portrays how American history is told and how the ideology of America really is just this big ole delusion that we still believe isn’t really there to this day. It’s a great book that will teach you a lot of history you weren’t taught in grade school during social studies. I recommend this book to everyone. Seriously.

2.) Original Gummy Factory Sour Gummy Worms

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Okay, I don’t know where these gummy worms came from, but my campus started selling them in their vending machines and I’ve been hooked on them ever since. They’re super sour which I’m not even a big fan of! These gummies just taste really good and since I started getting them, I’ve been eating them on the way home from class at night and they always hit the spot. Haribo who?

3.) Fat Boy

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I swear I’m not a cat person! Ever since we brought home Babygirl, I began to gain a liking for cats, and when I saw this cutie at my job a couple of weeks ago, I instantly fell in love. (p.s: he’s my screensaver). Fat Boy is a 6-year-old black cat that lives at my mother’s workplace. He’s the sweetest and friendliest cat I’ve ever met in my life, no joke. He loves attention, he loves people, and he loves to be petted. It’s crazy to see how different he and Babygirl are; she’s a bit more introverted and skittish and doesn’t trust people until you show her you can be trusted while Fat Boy is friendly to literally everyone. It was really hard to leave and go home that day because I just wanted to spend more time with him!

4.) Chloe x Halle’s album The Kids Are Alright 

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You might know them from their YouTube covers or you might know them as Beyonce’s prodigies, or you might know them as Jazz and Sky on Freeform’s Grown-ish. Wherever you heard them from, you know them from somewhere, and they are a force to be wrecking with. Chloe x Halle, both sisters but not twins, debuted their first studio album two weeks ago and I could confidently say this is one of the best debut albums I’ve heard in a really long time. Almost every song on the album could be on the radio and their sound is so unique and grown. Plus, you can definitely tell they get their inspiration from Beyonce herself. At the moment, I am highkey obsessed with “Hi Lo”, “Everywhere”, and “Happy Without Me” and I know once I begin to play their songs out I’ll be back on their album on Spotify to gather some new favorites. It’s definitely an album people should give a chance and listen to.

5.) “Dumpster Diving” YouTube Videos

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One night, I was surfing through the suggestions section of YouTube and came across this. Now I don’t know what the fascination is with these videos, but I think it’s the fact that I didn’t know people actually went to department stores to “dive” in their dumpsters and pick up thrown away products. I was even more shocked that many of these products were perfectly fine and untouched yet thrown away in the garbage. I’ve seen a couple of these videos and it’s insane how many things people find within these dumpsters. It seems like many dumpster divers target Ulta Beauty stores the most, but it’s crazy to see how many other department stores really just throw out perfectly good products. I mean, have you ever heard of donations? Like an entire box of flip-flops would’ve been beneficial to those who can’t afford shows in the first place. These videos are just intriguing to watch and for a straight week, I was hooked. I still am; who am I kidding?

That’s all for now! Hopefully, April introduces me to a lot of more favorites!

 

-Liz. (:

 

 

Important

PSA About April Fools Day.

liz

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!

First of all, Happy Easter to those who celebrate it, happy first day of April, and (sadly), happy April Fools Day.

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This is just a quick reminder that not everyone is going to find your jokes funny. Be careful with the type of jokes you decide to make on this day. So, that means the following:

  • Ladies, do not tell your man that you are pregnant as a joke. There are women out there who would love to tell their S/O that they are pregnant for real but can’t because of medical reasons.
  • Do not tell someone you got any sort of medical illness or disease. These things are not made out to be jokes and millions of people live with said-disease-or-illness you said and tried to make into a joke.
  • Do not try to fight with someone and declare it a joke. You are putting the trust that person has for you in jeopardy by really scaring the shit out of them because you decided it was funny to fuck with them for a joke.
  • Men AND women: do not tell your S/O that you cheated on them as a joke. Again, you are putting the trust they have for you in jeopardy and in all honesty, you’re just giving them something you be worried about in the future.
  • Do not try to pull a prank on someone in public that will humiliate that person: i.e a fake marriage proposal, a stunt that makes them the center of attention, harass them, pretty much anything that will make that person uncomfortable. Joke or not, you’re being an absolute jerk who doesn’t respect or care about that person’s feelings.
  • Do not try and mock people’s phobias by putting them in situations where they are scared for their fucking lives. Do not put a fake mouse or spider on someone’s floor, do not pretend to be drowning in any body of water, do not lock people in small rooms, just don’t fucking do anything to trigger people’s stress and anxiety.

All in all, don’t try to prank or make jokes out of things that will ultimately hurt or emotionally scar a person. Yeah, it’s hard to prank someone on April Fool’s Day with an old-fashioned prank without them suspecting anything, but there are tons of unique ways you can do so without hurting anyone in the process. Making completely serious things a mockery is never going to be funny, even on April Fools Day.

So prank safely, be respectful to others, and have a great day, everyone!

 

-Liz (:

Self-Appreciation Saturdays

SAS: Friends Who “Ghost”. (3/31/18)

liz

Screenshot 2018-02-09 at 11.51.14 AM

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!

I hope those who are on Spring break get as much rest as they need, and I hope those who celebrate Passover or Easter have a great holiday weekend!

It’s been a hot minute since a Self-Appreciation Saturday came out, and half of that reason was that I simply had nothing to discuss. It wasn’t until I went to school this past week and found some inspiration.

This past week, I bumped into an old friend of mine who I had a couple of classes with during my undergrad years. It’s never common for me to bump into anyone while I’m on campus because 85% of the people who go to CSI are out for the day by the time my class starts at 6:30pm. This day, I was on campus earlier than usual for a thesis meeting, and I was surrounded by the majority of students who attend CSI, so it wasn’t a surprise that I was going to see someone I know. So whatever, we had a brief conversation and when I asked this person if they keep in touch with anyone else from our old classes and she simply said no. I pretty much said the same thing with the exception of my college best friend who I keep in contact with frequently. Although it was very sweet to see this old friend, it made me think about my life during the time where I had friends that I thought were going to be my friends forever. Some of these people were the legit reasons why that particular year was amazing. I sometimes have to tell myself that life happens and that people got lives to live, and I can totally respect that. So, I don’t hold anything against that group of people I was once friends with. What we all had was great, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

This is where the inspiration for this post comes in…

Continue reading “SAS: Friends Who “Ghost”. (3/31/18)” →

Voiceless Rant: The Series

A Voiceless Rant: March 2018 Edition.

liz

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!

First and foremost, thank you for coming back after I spent the past month away from the blog and social media. This isn’t an official return and my return during Spring Break probably won’t be permanent either, but I am ready to occasionally come back to the blog and write whatever may be on my mind. I mean, this is a creative outlet away from my grad studies.

With that being said: it’s that time of the month where I like to write a little something called…

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This has been one hell of a month. Within the past month, I’ve dealt with some personal things, I’ve done what possibly feels like 9 different projects for school, and I’ve been going through my own personal mental battles as I begin to finish up these last 2 months of my grad studies. Nevertheless, I feel like I had no time for myself or for others, and because of that, I feel the way I feel. But that’s not what we are talking about… well we kinda are.

You see, I’ve realized that although I’ve been begging for a break with school ever since its start back in January, I find myself being sort of afraid to not be busy with it. Lemme explain: when I say I had something to complete for my classes every single week, I mean I had something due for my classes every single week. It literally started with a class presentation I had to do on the first day of the month and I had to fight through what I was personally going through in order to efficiently get my part of the presentation done. Since then, I feel like I’ve been burying myself in schoolwork so that I’m able to focus on everything else besides what’s going on with me. In a sense, I’m not really allowing myself to fully be aware of my emotions and thoughts because I’m tired of being self-aware, and being me at the moment is honestly even stressful for me to handle.

And the sad part is I know that there are many people in my situation who are doing this to themselves without even noticing.

I started to realize this whenever I was taking breaks from writing my papers for my classes. It’d be nice to relax and watch some YouTube videos and wind down for the night, but then I began to self-indulge in some negativity with myself. I started to think about all the negative shit that I punish myself with whenever my mind is relaxing and it just becomes too much at times. I purposely worked on my Master’s Thesis for 12 hours straight just so my mind didn’t wander in insecurities and other shit it didn’t need to be thinking about. I planned almost every day during Spring Break to write up a different assignment for class when I really should be taking a well-needed break from the work. In a sense, working on grad school assignments is all that I know now, and I don’t know how I am going to cope when I finally graduate and there’s no more work left to do.

It’s a shame that there are people out there who would rather keep their minds busy so that negativity doesn’t ruin their day. It’s sad that we are thrown so much work that at one point we use doing the work as a mechanism to avoid our problems and issues with ourselves and the world. I always say this, but we are a generation of people who are very fast-paced and quick; we work extremely hard to get where we wanna be and when we do, we try to keep it up in a world full of thousands of people doing the same thing. I’ve seen people my age work themselves sick because they are continuously working to build their empire and their brand.

In my case, I see how hard my mother works to support my family. You never see how hard your mom or your dad works until you finally start to see them as actual human beings. I can see the gear in my mom’s head turn whenever an issue comes up. I see how she instantly tries to keep herself busy to balance out the stress she’s feeling. I see how much she tries to tune the world out for the sake of her own happiness and health. I see it, and it a way I find myself mimicking it. I’m not saying it’s my mom’s fault that I’m now this way, I’m saying that this isn’t just something that happens to workaholics, overachievers, and perfectionists. This happens to everyone. This happens to even the people who clock out from a 9-to-5 job. This happens to part-time/full-time students. This happens to stay-at-home parents. This happens to any living creature capable of self-destruction.

The bright side of it all is that yeah, we do get work done this way. I am now in a comfortable position where most of my major assignments are in the process of either being written or in the process of being outlined; nothing that I have to work on is not carefully thought out already. I realize that since starting grad school, this has been the only way I’ve been able to handle school stress and anxiety, and it’s worked but at what cost? Is it really worth disconnecting myself to everyone and the world? Is it really worth me not even wanting to take my own feelings and emotions seriously? Is it really worth me not knowing who I am anymore?

This sounds quite depressing and I’m aware that readers may read this as like a cry for help, trust me that I’m fine and I’m learning ways to cope with the workload. I’ve accepted the fact that whatever this is right now is my life until I graduate. I’ve accepted the fact that grad school doesn’t last forever and once I actually graduate, things in my life are going to change like my coping mechanisms. Just because I’m not able to balance out work and myself right now doesn’t mean it’s not possible. I know I’m horrible under pressure and I can’t juggle twenty different things at the same time; but, there are people who are able to work their asses off and still have a good head on their shoulders. If you’re anything like me, finding ways to break the habit of running away from yourself is your closest answer to happiness. Find ways to celebrate yourself. Take out the time to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if what you’re doing now will pay off. Is you running to your work a result of inspiration and passion, or are you just running away from yourself? Running to your work and ignoring your basic self-care needs isn’t the answer, and it isn’t always going to equal success.

Think of it this way: will the success feel good after months of destroying yourself in the process?

 

-Liz. (:

Self-Appreciation Saturdays

SAS: How Bullet Journaling Helps Me Balance my “Controlling” Habit. (2/24/18)

liz

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Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!

Let’s jump right into it: I bought a blank journal at the beginning of May 2017 and decided that with that journal, I would start bullet journaling. Bullet journaling– in a nutshell– is pretty much a decorative planner that you create yourself. Depending on the type of person you are, the pages in your bullet journal are made according to relevance for you and only you. In other words, it’s a planner that is unique to you and you only.

After sharing the many decorative mini to-do lists and monthly goals poster on my social media platforms, many people suggested that I look into bullet journaling. I knew just the concept of it by seeing artists create them and posting theirs online, but I never knew that after watching a couple of girls with their bullet journals that it would make me want to be about the bullet journaling life.

I’ve been an active bullet journal user and I now feel like bullet journaling keeps the order in my current hectic life.

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Continue reading “SAS: How Bullet Journaling Helps Me Balance my “Controlling” Habit. (2/24/18)” →

Voiceless Rant: The Series

A Voiceless Rant: February 2018 Edition.

liz

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!

I feel like it’s been forever and a day since I got the chance to write and post another one of these for this series, but finally we are at this month’s installment of:

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February is a weird month for me. February is the month where my family and I experienced a lot of loss in the month the last couple of years. Two years ago, my childhood pet passed away and a year ago we lost my uncle unexpectedly. I’ve accepted my dog’s death because he was 15 years old and slowly becoming ill, but the way that my uncle left us has really put a scar on me, even after a year passing by.

Also, today marks a year since the last time I physically saw my uncle, at his funeral.

Before his passing, he was temporarily living with my family and me and when he unexpectedly died from a heart attack at 54, it was hard not having him around the house. His authentic Puerto-Rican personality, his cologne smelling up the entire house before he went out for the night, and his crazy stories he would come home and tell my parents are truly missed. It’s those little things I wish I cherished when he was still around.

So, this month’s rant is all around the little things in life, and why they matter the most.

I tend to forget about the little things, and I fall victim to the infamous saying: “you don’t know what you got until it’s gone.” It’s not that I’m ungrateful, it’s mainly the fact that we live in a world where we constantly have to be moving forward in order to make it somewhere in life, and as a 24-year-old woman trying to prove to herself and to the world that she could make it with solely passion, I tend to become absent-minded and very distracted. I tend to be oblivious to half of the things around me, and people tend to get frustrated when I don’t catch on quickly.

As I get older and those around me get older as well, I realize that I am fearing death more than I usually do. Is that a weird thing to admit? I mean, I’m afraid that there’s going to be a time in my life where I potentially go through something and a family member of mine isn’t around because of old age. That frightens the crap outta me. Technically, that’s what happened with my uncle. He constantly told me how he was proud of me being the first Baez in the family to graduate college and attend grad school, and that I was going places in the future. Whenever I do think about it, it saddens me knowing that he’s physically not here to see me graduate in a couple of months after physically seeing me come home late nights from class all exhausted and drained.

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I believe that because my tendency to not appreciate the little things in life, I lose more and more I don’t do so. I feel like it’s some of punishment life gives me; that one time a loved one annoy me for eating their food one way could easily become the thing I wished I heard every single day at the dinner table. I’m not saying that you have to appreciate the things that simply annoy you or the things that are toxic for your well being, but the things that make a person unique will always reign as a “little thing” about them. You might remember a person for their life journey and accomplishments, but the things that we seem to remember the most are the tiny details about a person. Something that made them, them.

This doesn’t apply to only people who’ve passed on. This goes by saying that I believe we should appreciate the little things when people are alive and present. I know there are a lot of things about my family and my partner that I tend to overlook because it’s second nature to them.

It’s second nature that my mother plays her Amazon Kindle games at every given chance she has during the day.

It’s second nature for my sister to have our cat sleeping on top of her every time she lays down.

It’s second mature for my father to play the same seven salsa songs on the speakers every Thursday and/or Sunday night.

It’s second nature for my friend Tori to text me “BITCH” and instantly knowing she has some major gossip to talk about even if she’s in a completely different state.

It’s second nature for my partner to call me at 10 o’clock in the morning while he gets ready for work and it’s also second nature for him to play his favorite song that changes every 3-4 months on the radio and blast it while dancing his heart out and it’s also second nature for my partner to do the little personal things that only he and I know about.

It’s all these little things that the people around me do that could easily go underappreciated, and if you are any of these above people reading this post: please know that I notice the little things about you. I appreciate these unique quirks and habits that you may not even know you’re showcasing to the world, and if I don’t voice these little things out enough, just know that these are some of just the endless little things I notice, especially towards the man I’m in love with.

The little things in life are what makes a person unique and special. The little things about my uncle are what people remember the most about him and what they miss the most about him. Not his mistakes. Not where he was in life. The little things that made him, him. I just hope that the little things about me, whether I know what they are or not, are some of the things people I love appreciate about me the most.

While I’m here, and when I’m gone.

-Liz. (: