Tag: happiness

Monthly Favorites

Favorites & Highlights of May 2018!

liz

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Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!

This “monthly favorites” is going to be quite short; I didn’t really have the time to explore new things or pick up some new hobbies during the month of May, but a lot of exciting things did happen!

So without further ado, here are some things that happened/I enjoyed in the month of May:

1.) Twice

In a world where K-Pop boy band BTS is winning the hearts of millions all over, I found myself obsessing over a K-Pop girl group, which they call themselves Twice. Twice was formed through a survival show competition entitled Sixteen where 16 female JYP trainees were fighting for the 7 spots of JYP Entertainment’s new girl group. JYP is known for forming groups such as GOT7, 2PM, Miss A, and The Wonder Girls. After deciding to make the group 9 members, the official Twice members (according to the order on the photo) are Tzuyu, Jeongyeon, Sana, Jihyo, Nayeon, Chaeyoung, Dahyun, Mina, and Momo. I first heard of the group actually once while in the laundromat in my neighborhood, and the music video (as well as the song) were both very catchy, and I decided to look further into them. When I tell you that their fanbase is massive… it’s insane. Although they aren’t as mainstream in the U.S. as BTS, Twice is internationally known and have the potential to become just as big here as the boy band. I don’t know what it is about K-Pop groups, but they work immensely well compared to American groups. So yeah, check them out if you like cute, girly, catchy K-Pop songs!

2.) Highlight #1: Submitting my Thesis

The submission of my MA Thesis was a bittersweet one. Even weeks after doing so, it’s only until now that I feel like the piece is officially complete. Working on my thesis for two straight years is something I never did with a body of work in my academic career, and letting it go to officially submit felt like sending off my 18-year-old child to an out-of-state college. No, I don’t know how that would feel, but I can imagine it felt like the way I did when I submitted my thesis. At first, I was really determined to get honors on my thesis, but when it only passed, I was grateful that it did even that. My thesis was a controversial one, and there were professors that fit the criteria of the “type” of Professor I wrote about who had to read it. I’ve got comments back having them feel quite defensive of my words, but in the long run, I spoke my truth and now that truth will be published as a scholarly work, which is unreal to me.

3.) Highlight #2: The Graduate Research Conference.

After submitting my thesis for review, I quickly had to put a 5-minute presentation together of it and discuss it in front of an audience. It was an extremely stressful week to say the least, but I got up there and possibly did the best presentation I’ve done in my entire academic career. I was so beyond proud of myself for getting my thesis out there, and for having my thesis advisor support me while I was doing it. It was a great way to end my studies as a grad student, and it’s a moment I won’t be forgetting.

4.) Highlight #3: My Mental Health Journey

I decided to add this in here because my journey towards positive mental health played a major role in May. In early May, I got diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I’ve been going to therapy every week. I decided to seek out professional help because I felt myself not being able to handle my anxiety by myself anymore due to the fact that my anxiety was now about long-term things I had no control over. Grad school made my anxiety a lot worse, and it’s not going to go away now that it’s over. It’s a process to overcome certain obstacles when there’s anxiety involve, and having to speak them out loud instead of having them circulate in my mind has been extremely helpful. Therapy and going to get your mental health checked isn’t always about getting meds and calling it a day. It’s about taking ownership of your own life instead of allowing your disorders or illnesses take ownership of you.

5.) Highlight #4: Graduating Grad School

I won’t speak about this in detail since there’s already a post on this, but it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t include the most important day of 2018 for me. Almost a week later, it still feels surreal that I’m a Masters Grad, and I’m considered a “Master in English”, and it probably won’t feel real until I get my Masters Degree in my hands but it came, it went, and I couldn’t have had for a better graduation. Despite the weather being rainy and cloudy, I have to say this graduation was a lot better than my undergraduate one. It was seriously just one to remember and cherish as my last graduation ever… that’s if I ever go and pursue my PhD, which isn’t in the picture anytime soon.

 

So yeah! Hopefully, there are more things to try & to do in June; I mean, I definitely have all the time in the world now. ^__^

-Liz (:

Self-Reflection

What Grad School Taught Me: The Masters Grad Edition.

liz

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!

A year ago, I published a quite negative post regarding how the first year of my grad studies treated me. You can read that here if you’d like.

This time around, I am a recent Master’s Graduate and my perspective on it has changed for the better.

Liz, “Master in English”.

Yesterday, I attended my departmental ceremony and officially graduated grad school. 130 undergrads graduated with their Bachelors in English, and 7 grads graduated with their Masters in English. Within the ceremony, our MA Director did something that was quite touching; she acknowledged all 7 of its graduates and shared to the English Class of 2018 all of our MA Theses titles to acknowledge our hard work during our journey in grad school. For my moment, I felt like my hard work paid off, and it felt great to just have the title of my thesis read because it’s such a body of work I am immensely proud of. I honestly wouldn’t have had the passion and drive for it if it wasn’t for my thesis advisor, Professor Carlo.

Professor Carlo & I.

Professor Carlo’s class was one of two courses I took during my first semester as a grad student. I was 22, I was naïve, and I was extremely timid and shy to even speak in class. In the duration of her course, I began to see writing in such a different perspective, and I began to express myself in a classroom in a way I haven’t been able to do so since the acting courses I took during undergrad. I felt a sense of freedom and began to get a sense of what my voice was, and I honestly believe I wouldn’t have known this without Professor Carlo’s class. I knew since the moment she said “if you’d like have your final paper become a thesis”, I instantly knew she was the professor I wanted to guide me to the end. And she did, and as a thank you for her dedication, time (and ears whenever I rambled on and on in our meetings), I gave her a bouquet of flowers. I cried giving them to her, she cried as I cried. And that’s the thing: the last time I truly cried at a graduation was in middle school, a time where I was at the happiest in my life and that I knew I was truly going to miss being there with my friends. I cried at my Masters’ Graduation because I was sad it was over and that the journey that I once felt was going to last a lifetime, was now over.

Grad school taught me more than how to research and analyze text on a scholarly level. It taught me the lessons in life I was too afraid to learn on my own.

Bachelors in English.

Prior to grad school, I graduated college not really knowing what the real world was like, and I wasn’t ready to face it because let’s be honest, I didn’t have a hard time completing my bachelor’s degree. At first, I accepted CSI’s “fast-track” into the Master’s program because I felt like I wasn’t done. I felt like I wasn’t done learning, growing, and getting degrees in all honesty. My aunt is the only other person in the family with a Masters Degree, and it was about time that a millennial in the family got one as well. But to be even more honest with myself, I started the program because I was scared of not having a plan, and going to grad school felt like the security blanket that I thought was going to protect me a bit as I got my own shit together.

In a sense, it worsened me.

With every journey comes with some hardships and particularly, grad school gave me a lot of them. I lost most of my friends (old and newish), I lost a lot of my social abilities which created this comfortable bubble of just me writing and getting work done, and it became a reason why I am now seeking out therapy.

It’s how I found out I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

But even with all of this, I’ve learned how to look at it through a positive lens. For instance, I would’ve never gone to seek therapy in the past because I never allowed myself to believe that I was sad/unhappy enough to the point where I needed outside help. Grad school, without a doubt, made me more responsible and more willing to manage things, and with that came this ability to become self-aware of my behavior, actions, and my fears. It made me see myself in a way that made me feel very exposed, and I didn’t have any help trying to get “comfortable” again.

Grad school taught me how to be self-aware of myself & how to acknowledge even the most uncomfortable things in my life. Whether it was me having to wait near the bridge for my bus at 10:30 at night, or writing two 12-page papers in 3 weeks, I was very uncomfortable during my journey. Half of those things caused my anxiety to worsen; half of those things taught me how to cope and make this a temporary “new norm”. There was no compromise in the middle; it was either go for it or let it get you. And I think that’s something so important to know when dealing with an anxiety disorder and/or dealing with life in general.

The future for me is unplanned, and I am learning to be okay with that for the time being. I made it this far, to see this day, to see yesterday, and I know I’ll make it see the future. Grad school taught me there’s no room to be afraid to do something; you’ll never truly know what could be in store if you don’t explore outside of your comfort zone.

It’s okay to be uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable teaches you more about yourself than being comfortable.

Here’s to life as a Master in English.

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– Liz (:

Mantra Mondays

Mantra Monday #4 (7/24/17)

liz

You are the only one who can limit your greatness.

I was having a conversation with my best friend the other day about this concept; that even though there are people in your life who are close friends to you that when it comes to further your success, you are the only one who can help you achieve that. Everyone else is worried about achieving their own success that people forget that you would want your people to succeed with you. At the end of the day, if you’re in a situation where your group of friends is practicing the “every man for himself” lifestyle, it’s only right to do so yourself. There’s no purpose in trying to help your friend out if they aren’t going to help you back, so why not begin to be there for yourself? Achieve your own success, follow your dreams at your own pace, do what it takes to satisfy your needs and wants to succeed. Only you know how you work, what you can handle, and most importantly: what you want.

-Liz (:

Self-Appreciation Saturdays

Self-Appreciation Saturday. (7/22/17)

liz

 

There will be toxic people at some point in your life. No matter where you go, you will encounter someone who is toxic to your well-being. These people are disguised as anyone: friends, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, relatives, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives; you name it. Sadly, we can’t avoid these people in our lives.

I was lucky enough to cut the people who were toxic in my life when the relationship between me and the toxic people were just friends. Toxic friends damage you, but when you have the strength to put yourself first, letting go of friends is easy; you stop talking to them. But there are situations where the toxic people live in your own home, or when you’re related to them, or when you’re married or in a relationship. These type of toxic people are a different type of toxic; you care for them and worry about them even when it hurts you and your well-being. Dysfunctionality in romantic and family relationships are sadly one of the man norms in our society, but not all are toxic. But when these relationships turn toxic and stay toxic for periods of time, it could really do damage on a person’s emotions and mentality.

The sad reality about being in this situation is that there aren’t that many options on the table when it comes to taking care of yourself. No matter what route you go down on, you have some potential loss. Whether you decide to do when dealing with toxic people that you can’t necessarily escape, make sure that you don’t make moves with an angry mindset. In other words, make sure what you’re doing is rational and beneficial; don’t do anything just to do anything.

  • If you’re dealing with a toxic person in the household, make sure to find a safe space. It’s not the easiest trying to escape from a household member while they’re under the same roof as you. If you’re finding it difficult to get away from the person while they’re being “toxic”, go to an area where you can close a door. Sometimes, that barrier of a door eases your mind a bit; knowing that person is on the other side of the door. If you still hear them being toxic and whatnot, put some headphones on and try to distract yourself. Finding your safe space to go to will help you not get too indulged in the toxic person’s activities and actions.
  • Stop making excuses for the toxic person. When someone around you is toxic to you, you begin to make excuses for their behavior; some that you would usually be appalled of if it were anyone else. Toxic people make you believe and think that they are the victim in the situation. “Oh, they’re going through a rough tie in their life.” “They aren’t thinking straight.” “They don’t know what they are talking about.” Simple excuses like that will make the toxic person have power over you and instead of trying to be there for them, you’re hurting yourself. The true reality is that if a person is being toxic and they don’t do anything to help stop the toxicity spreading in their surroundings, they most likely don’t care about how you feel or what they do to you. What more do you need to stop making excuses for their behavior?
  • It’s not your fault that that toxic person is toxic. Toxic people love to blame other people for their behavior and constantly say that other people are the reason why they are the way they are. You have to realize that no one is responsible for your own actions; you make the decisions for your own life. Toxic people don’t see it like that. It’s easy to get sucked in and ask yourself “why are they acting like this towards me? What did I do? You have to remember that people live their own lives and go through their own shit, and sometimes it’s easy for them to blame their actions on other people. It’s never a person’s fault when someone is toxic.
  • Love from afar. If you’re dealing with a toxic family relative or someone in that nature, it’s hard to stop caring or loving them because of their toxicity. Although that person may be family, toxic people are a downer and they affect your decisions and outlook on life. Sometimes, your only option is to love someone from a distance. Sometimes, you have to distance your emotions from someone for the sake of your own mentality and perspective on life. There’s nothing more to it.
  • Move forward with your life. When a toxic person is in your life, sometimes it could feel like you’re stuck in one spot without any guidance or direction out of it. When you don’t have that control over your life, you feel like you have no control of the other things in your life. When dealing with toxic people, your best bet is to just completely cut them out of your life. If you’re in a situation where you can’t cut a toxic person out of your life, following any of the points above will help you move forward with your life. Take care of yourself, be your own support group. DO things that make you happy and feel like you’re progressing forward.

No matter who it is, dealing with toxic people is possibly one of the hardest things to go to, especially if it’s family or close relatives. No matter what, your life matters and your happiness should always be your number one priority. Don’t sell yourself short and don’t treat the ones around you poorly; you know how it feels to be on the other end of that line.

 

-Liz (:

Mantra Mondays

Mantra Monday #1 (7/3/17)

liz

Your vibe attracts your tribe.

The energy you put out into the world reflects on the type of people you have around you. If you’re naturally a pessimistic person who has a negative perspective on everything, you will “attract” people who view life the same way. Being positive, honest, and real with yourself allows others who are like that attract to you. All in all, living your life as honest and true to yourself as possible is the only way you are going to have healthy, communitive relationships and friendships.

 

-Liz (:

Self-Appreciation Saturdays

Self-Appreciation Saturday. (3/25/17)

liz

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The word “selfish” isn’t a bad thing to be.

People tend to think selfish people are these narcissistic people who only care about themselves and don’t have any regards to anyone else around them. Yeah, that’s what selfish people do, and it’s a shitty thing to be, but there is a way to be selfish without having the “selfish stigma” smacked on your back.

In other words, being selfish with yourself is not a bad thing.

Continue reading “Self-Appreciation Saturday. (3/25/17)” →

Self-Appreciation Saturdays

Self-Appreciation Saturday. (1/28/17)

liz

We are in the year 2017. The 2010 decade will probably be forever known as the era that technology literally took over. We have smartphones, tablets, smart watches, smart eye gear, and smart pretty much everything. As a person who grew up into technology, it’s easy to feel like we’ve been sucked into this lifestyle. I mean, think about it: We grew up in an era where technology was big, heavy, and programmed to do one thing. A VHS was used for just VHS tapes, CD players only played CD’s, and cellphones were just devices that you use to call people outside of your home. It wasn’t advanced to be taken seriously.

Technology nowadays does more bad than good in society in my opinion. You have elementary school kids who were born into advanced technology, having iPhones has their first official phone (Mine was literally the equivalent to the Nokia phone). Where technology is more addictive than ever, it’s hard as a young adult to try to focus on things that aren’t technology based or social media based.

I’ve tried to quit multiple social media platforms over the years and I always ended up going back because that’s just how my mind is programmed. As a young adult, my free time is spent scrolling through Instagram and Snapchat seeing what everyone else is posting because that’s the routine we are all used to.

As a person in their 20’s, it feels like I don’t have a sense of identity outside my social media persona. That’s where we all go wrong. It’s normal to be a teenager obsessed with all these different social media platforms because you don’t have many worries in the world as a teenager yet. Most teenagers don’t even know where they’re going in life yet, and most of them haven’t officially identify themselves yet. In other words, they follow the trends and what their friends are doing.

That’s not acceptable being in college trying to get your future together.

So, how do you gain some sense of identity in a world where your identity is hidden behind a pixel profile picture?

  • If you have multiple social media accounts like me, try to cut some out of your life. For awhile, I was mainly a Facebook and Instagram type of girl. I posted about 10 different things a day on there, and I constantly checked it to see what my friends were up to. As the years passed by, I gravitated towards Twitter and Snapchat, and I rarely go on my other two social media accounts unless it’s a TNTH related post. Cutting one or two accounts on your life is beneficial; the keep-up of all profiles will be cut in half, you don’t waste your time checking every single social media platform one-by-one everyday, and in some way you help the dreaded “FOMO” that comes with these platforms.
  • Only follow the people who you want to see. Back in high-school, having 1,000+ friends on Facebook or Instagram was normal because everyone thought that the amount of people who followed you declared you as one of the popular kids. At one point, my Facebook had 400 friends, and to this day it’s now 94. If you don’t speak to a person or they don’t show any type of love to you, then why do you still have them in your friends list? Just because you’ve known someone from elementary school or just because you know your boyfriend’s sister’s friend doesn’t mean that you have to see what they are up to 24/7 on social media. Keep the people who are willing to reach out to you or support you in the things that you post. Keep the people you personally want to see make it.
  • Just because it’s on the internet, doesn’t mean it’s true. People love to investigate on other people through social media. What people don’t realize when investigating people is that some people don’t take social media seriously, and post whatever they want to post. With the new sharing craze, everyone pretty much uses Facebook or Instagram to share memes and things that are funny or things people can relate to. Never judge a person from the memes they share, they just like memes.
  • Just because it’s NOT on the internet, doesn’t mean it’s not happening. My partner is a rather quiet and private person. He never really posts anything personally related to him on social media; as a matter of fact, he never really posts anything. He never does those “couple posts” with a picture of me on his Instagram or whatever, which in all honesty, it doesn’t matter to me. I’m the opposite of him; I literally put my life out their for people to see and don’t care who’s looking at it or not. That’s just the person I am. At the end of the day, I know how he feels about me and I know our connection pretty well. Just because he doesn’t post intimate posts like that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel the way he feels or he doesn’t want to show me off. People have this assumption that “if it’s not on the internet, it didn’t happen” and I think that’s a load of bullshit. Don’t let anyone fool you by saying that his social media account says a lot about him. If that was the case, his would say that he’s MIA for most of the time and probably too ugly to post selfies so he replaces them with memes. Listen, his mighty fine, has an amazing job for his career path, and he’s always around. Never judge a book by its Instagram page.
  • Enough talking, more doing. I tend to write Facebook statuses on my goals and dreams, and I’ve learned that some things are better left unsaid. I know for a fact that if you’re an open book like me, it’s hard to not want to share your goals and dreams to inspire other people, but sometimes people are the internet are there just to see you fail. Nobody wants to know that you have a full-time job and getting a promotion; they’re just there to hate on you and make you feel like you’re a pompous asshole. Like me, I’ve had people tell me that on my statuses. If you put your goals and dreams in action rather than just talking about them, they’re more likely to happen.
  • Don’t take social media too seriously. The reality of the internet is that there are a lot of dumb people who do stupid things and say stupid things. It’s easy to get sucked into it; maybe someone said something about you and you’re feeling a bit insecure about it. Listen, social media can literally be anything that the person wants it to be, and that’s how you view it too. People are behind a keyboard pretty much talking out their asses most of the time. I mean, look at the garbage Tomi Lahren posts. Just remember that the internet people are thirsty people who try to be “social media thugs” for attention. You’re so much better than that.
  • Don’t try to read every news article you find/your friend shares on social media. As tempting it is to click and read an article entitled “You won’t believe what Trump is doing!” , try to prevent yourself from reading every single thing someone shares. Yes, it is wise to keep up with current events and what’s going on with the world, sometimes reading too much of it does a negative affect on your mind. You start thinking that life is always this bad place with no expectation of it being better, and sometimes social media makes you feel a sense of hopelessness, especially now during this scary time of “Trump’s America”. Where yes, you should know things going on in your community and in your world, but when you’re constantly reading negative news articles over and over again, you’re only going to create unnecessary stress that your mind doesn’t need. That shouldn’t be a way someone should live. Give your mind a break and head on over to the side of the internet where fart jokes and cat videos are still a thing.
  • Don’t compare yourself to people who you personally know on social media platforms. It’s very easy to scroll down your news feed and see that one girl you know 10 years lost a lot of weight and has a boyfriend who is her *now* fiancé . (This is just an example, but I’m slowly seeing just how specific that example was…) Anyway! Just because someone you knew is doing good, doesn’t mean your accomplishments and milestones don’t matter. Personally, I tend to compare myself to the girls who were once overweight that are now thinner and healthier because I know I can do it too, but it’s so hard to kick old habits. Despite feeling insecure about myself, I think about the little personal milestones that I recently hit: I wrote my first ever MA Thesis for grad school, I just recently celebrated a birthday, and I started this blog! If you can’t see it in that aspect, then use the people on social media as inspiration to help you get to where you personally want to be.
  • On that note, also don’t compare yourself to celebrities on social media. In a world where Kylie Jenner rules Instagram and Snapchat, it’s hard to not want her various hair styles, fashion style, and lifestyle. I know I’ve found myself wanting to change my hair color a lot whenever she debuts another color wig from the rainbow of wigs she owns. The difference between her and you is that she’s a celebrity. Her photos on Instagram are meant to look like a professional photo-shoot every time she posts something. If anything, being “Insta-famous” is pretty much in her job description; yours doesn’t. Like I said previously, never doubt your own beauty and stop comparing yourself to other people. Be accepting of yourself and what you have to offer. You’re you for a reason, and not the person you’re comparing yourself to. Because you are unique.

I can go on for days on the things you can help your social media addiction or prevent you from making it worse. I can admit I have a problem; my iPhone is constantly glued to my hand from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. It’s hard to detox from it, but if you moderate what you’re doing and feeling while on your social media accounts, I believe that being on your phone 24/7 is just a normal thing, especially as a young adult.

But no matter what, always take care of your well-being before anything else. If you need to gather your thoughts and self, then take the time away from social media. Be by yourself. Take in your surroundings. Reinvent and find yourself in a world of personas on social media. Live your 20’s like you’re turning 30 tomorrow!

-Liz (:

Self-Appreciation Saturdays

Self-Appreciation Saturday. (1/21/17)

liz

One of the hardest things to undergo in life is the aftermath of a friendship that either you or your friend decided to end. It’s not easy not going to that person anymore to gossip or share a good laugh, and it’s definitely not easy-going about your days not spending time with them.

I’ve dealt with a lot of friendship breakups, especially ones that were closest to me. At first, you feel like that person took a part of you away with them, but just like everything else in life, you learn to live without it after a while.

But with friendship breakups comes a lot of thinking and re-evaluating one self, especially if things ended abruptly. Sometimes, you may feel like you’re to blame, and other times you begin to resent your once-called “friend”. Either way, both sides of the lawn are not green in a situation like this.

So, how do you deal with post-friendship breakup emotions?

  1. For starters, don’t convince yourself by saying that what happened “does not matter”.  You know when you break up with your partner in a relationship and proceed to act like it wasn’t a big deal, but really you’re hurt or angry or whatever you could be feeling? The same feelings come through when ending a friendship as well. Convincing yourself that the end of this particular friendship isn’t a big deal is doing you and your friend no justice. Why put effort and real love for a person in a friendship if it “never really mattered”? You’re human and you’re allowed to express emotions. If you’re feeling hurt, feel it. If you’re feeling confused, feel it. Without doing so, you’re just bottling up unexpressed emotions, which is never a good thing to do.
  2. Think back and ask yourself if the friendship is worth fighting for. Sometimes (especially girls and women) we tend to argue and fight and end friendships over irrelevant and immature situations. If you’re mad at your friend because they didn’t invite you out to the bar over the weekend or mad because your friend is friends with a person you dislike, then you need to really think if what you guys are arguing about really that life-changing. At the end of the day, these situations can be easily talked over and compromised. If you guys can agree to disagree for the sake of your friendship, then cool.
  3. Don’t play the victim card. The absolute worst thing to do when there’s friendship mayhem between you and a friend is to make yourself the victim. Playing the victim card is something that teenagers do and when you do it in your 20’s, more drama will come out of this friendship breakup. If your friend tells you that they feel like you haven’t supported them in a while, don’t respond with “I’m always supporting you and I’m now upset because you think I don’t support you when really I do like how can you say something like that…” Blah blah blah. I always say this to people who ask me for friendship advice: if you feel a type of way when someone confronts you with something, then you are to blame. People who own up to their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions have a higher chance of fixing things with their friend. If you’re going to take everything they are telling you and throw it back at them, then your turnout for this friendship is going to end up being really messy.
  4. If it’s a toxic friendship, end it/be glad that it ended. I’ve had my moments with toxic friendships; I think we all have. The last toxic friendship I had ended long before it officially ended, and I promise that many of you may feel like that with a friend right now. If deep down you believe that there are more cons in the friendship than pro, chances are that person isn’t really your friend in the first place. Toxic friendships can be just as damaging as a toxic relationship. Toxic friendships cause you to act out of character just to fit your friend’s perspective of you. They cause you to act differently to your other friends by singling them out of your life one-by-one. They cause you to feel different things that you are not used to, hence changing your traits and personality. If you can admit to yourself that your friendship with a person is toxic, end it immediately before things are too late.
  5. Know your guidelines of friendship from that day forward. Because I used to keep around a lot of toxic friendships, I’ve learned to set a certain guideline for myself to see if a person is just an acquaintance or an actual friend. One of my guidelines of friendship is that no matter long or short you’ve know me, I demand support and respect from you and I’ll give you the same. People will manipulate you and say that they support you and respect you, but nothing speakers louder than a person’s actions. If their actions don’t match up to what they’re saying, then they aren’t really there for you. These guidelines will help you weed out who is truly on your level, versus those who don’t stand tall enough to be on your level.
  6.  Know your worth. A person who has a friend that constantly comes back after endless arguments or who doesn’t think for themselves will take advantage of their friend. That person will view you as simply being the friend “who always comes back”. I always say that the first time you go back is perfectly fine, the second time is okay, the third time is questionable, and the fourth time or beyond is too many chances. I say this being a person who was taken back more than four times, and it all depends on the person who is taking you back. Some people may drop you the first time shit gets rocky, and others will take you back the 10th time before they end the friendship. My preference, definitely three strikes and you’re out. If you keep forgiving the people who are constantly hurting your friendship, that person isn’t gonna think that much of you. And that’s when toxic friendships develop.
  7. Lastly, be open-minded about new friendships. After ending almost all my high-school friendships during college, I had a problem making actual friends most of my college career. Despite not having a normal college dorm life, I never trusted anyone enough to actually reach out and have an actual functioning friendship with them. Most of my college years was just me doing my thing in order to graduate on time, and I guess once I started to be more open-minded about people, I began to make some friends in college, preferably in my Acting classes during my senior year of college. Some of those friendships aren’t as strong as they once were, but I still got the chance to call them my friends, those who have supported me and respected me as a person since we all met. Because of me being open-minded about new potential friendships, I connected with a person who I never thought in a million years I’d be friends with, Tori! Sometimes, you need to just let old things go to let new ones come in. Of course, it’s easier said than done, but if you know who you are as person, have guidelines for what a friend is to you, and if you trust yourself enough to start new friendships with new people, then allow yourself to do so! Take the risk knowing that life goes on, you grow out of old friends, and make new ones who fit the person you currently are!

Overcoming something like this doesn’t happen overnight. It could take you a couple of weeks, or it can take you a couple of years like it did for me. Your friends are an extension of who you are, so be friends with people who are just as awesome and supportive like you!

-Liz (: