There will be toxic people at some point in your life. No matter where you go, you will encounter someone who is toxic to your well-being. These people are disguised as anyone: friends, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, relatives, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives; you name it. Sadly, we can’t avoid these people in our lives.
I was lucky enough to cut the people who were toxic in my life when the relationship between me and the toxic people were just friends. Toxic friends damage you, but when you have the strength to put yourself first, letting go of friends is easy; you stop talking to them. But there are situations where the toxic people live in your own home, or when you’re related to them, or when you’re married or in a relationship. These type of toxic people are a different type of toxic; you care for them and worry about them even when it hurts you and your well-being. Dysfunctionality in romantic and family relationships are sadly one of the man norms in our society, but not all are toxic. But when these relationships turn toxic and stay toxic for periods of time, it could really do damage on a person’s emotions and mentality.
The sad reality about being in this situation is that there aren’t that many options on the table when it comes to taking care of yourself. No matter what route you go down on, you have some potential loss. Whether you decide to do when dealing with toxic people that you can’t necessarily escape, make sure that you don’t make moves with an angry mindset. In other words, make sure what you’re doing is rational and beneficial; don’t do anything just to do anything.
- If you’re dealing with a toxic person in the household, make sure to find a safe space. It’s not the easiest trying to escape from a household member while they’re under the same roof as you. If you’re finding it difficult to get away from the person while they’re being “toxic”, go to an area where you can close a door. Sometimes, that barrier of a door eases your mind a bit; knowing that person is on the other side of the door. If you still hear them being toxic and whatnot, put some headphones on and try to distract yourself. Finding your safe space to go to will help you not get too indulged in the toxic person’s activities and actions.
- Stop making excuses for the toxic person. When someone around you is toxic to you, you begin to make excuses for their behavior; some that you would usually be appalled of if it were anyone else. Toxic people make you believe and think that they are the victim in the situation. “Oh, they’re going through a rough tie in their life.” “They aren’t thinking straight.” “They don’t know what they are talking about.” Simple excuses like that will make the toxic person have power over you and instead of trying to be there for them, you’re hurting yourself. The true reality is that if a person is being toxic and they don’t do anything to help stop the toxicity spreading in their surroundings, they most likely don’t care about how you feel or what they do to you. What more do you need to stop making excuses for their behavior?
- It’s not your fault that that toxic person is toxic. Toxic people love to blame other people for their behavior and constantly say that other people are the reason why they are the way they are. You have to realize that no one is responsible for your own actions; you make the decisions for your own life. Toxic people don’t see it like that. It’s easy to get sucked in and ask yourself “why are they acting like this towards me? What did I do? You have to remember that people live their own lives and go through their own shit, and sometimes it’s easy for them to blame their actions on other people. It’s never a person’s fault when someone is toxic.
- Love from afar. If you’re dealing with a toxic family relative or someone in that nature, it’s hard to stop caring or loving them because of their toxicity. Although that person may be family, toxic people are a downer and they affect your decisions and outlook on life. Sometimes, your only option is to love someone from a distance. Sometimes, you have to distance your emotions from someone for the sake of your own mentality and perspective on life. There’s nothing more to it.
- Move forward with your life. When a toxic person is in your life, sometimes it could feel like you’re stuck in one spot without any guidance or direction out of it. When you don’t have that control over your life, you feel like you have no control of the other things in your life. When dealing with toxic people, your best bet is to just completely cut them out of your life. If you’re in a situation where you can’t cut a toxic person out of your life, following any of the points above will help you move forward with your life. Take care of yourself, be your own support group. DO things that make you happy and feel like you’re progressing forward.
No matter who it is, dealing with toxic people is possibly one of the hardest things to go to, especially if it’s family or close relatives. No matter what, your life matters and your happiness should always be your number one priority. Don’t sell yourself short and don’t treat the ones around you poorly; you know how it feels to be on the other end of that line.
-Liz (:
Letters From Liz. 