I slipped through the door of the studio that the showcase was being held in, trying not to cause a scene with the other parents and relatives in the seats. I shimmied my way through dozens of parents, apologizing for invading their space while trying to get to my seat.
I sat in the seat next to Grace’s parents, Shawn, and Skylar. Maki turned her head and reached out her arms toward me, wanting me to pick her up. I took Maki from Mollie, putting Maki in the sling that seemed to now permanently live on my chest.
Shawn was the first one to say something to me. “Hyung, everything alright? Or were you and Grace… y’know…”
“Ya,” I reacted, covering Maki’s ears with my hands. “We were not doing anything—”
“Where the hell is she?” Skylar intervened, leaning towards us to ask.
“She’s coming; she just needed a pep talk,” I answered, whispering so none of the other parents heard. Suddenly, the door to the studio opened, and in walked Grace. I let out a sigh of relief; I was getting worried she would’ve back down after our talk as well. Instead, she came into the studio with a huge smile on her face.
“Good afternoon, parents, friends, and family to the Autumn showcase here at the Castro Dance Academy.” The audience applaud; I took Maki’s hands and clapped them for her. She cooed loudly, which made Grace look our way. I smiled at her and nodded, reassuring her to continue. Grace looked out to the audience and continued her introduction.
She gathered her thoughts before she spoke. “The Castro Dance Academy, as many of you may know, was established by my aunt, Jennifer Ann Castro, back in 2018. It had started out as an idea in her duplex apartment where she taught some of her first dancers in her home studio during the day, and raised her family just upstairs at night. The academy was home to one of the dance community’s most well renowned dancer; my mother, Mollie Sue Castro.” Mollie stood up from her seat as the audience cheered; it was clear that many of the parents and other figures in the dance community had great respect for her. She sat back down, putting the attention back on Grace.
“I took over the academy a couple of years ago in hopes that I could also continue the legacy that my family carried generation to generation. Here at the Castro Dance Academy, we want our dancers to show up and leave with the confidence to pursue anything they want; whether that be a world renowned dancer performing on different stages around the world, a part of a dance ensemble on Broadway, or perhaps start their own dance academy with the hopes of passing down the art of dance to our future society.” Grace quickly looked at the dancers at the other end of the room, smiling in their direction. “I hope that tonight’s showcase shows you just a glimpse of all of the hard work our young dancers do here at the academy. Specifically, this cohort is a special one, as this piece was choreographed by Ms. Aimee and Mr. Maurice; two dearest friends I got the pleasure in dancing with in the Ulsan Dance Production two years ago.” Both Aimee and Maurice bow in front of the audience while they applaud.
“Without further ado, here’s this year’s Autumn showcase!” Grace announced as she left towards the side of the studio. The dancers were all in their dance attire, lined up in position waiting for the music to start. Once the song began to play, the dancers began to twirl and move to the rhythm of the song. While all of the dancers were amazing, my eyes couldn’t get off of Willow. She danced with a huge smile on her face, looking exactly how Grace does when she dances. She was definitely Grace’s daughter. Once the dance was over, everyone gave the small cohort a standing ovation, followed by Aimee and Maurice bowing. They immediately pulled Grace towards the front, and the audience began to cheer louder. Grace’s face was immediately red, bowing down, thanking the audience.
…
The adults all decided to go back to the Ashmore house for desserts and coffee after the showcase ended that night. Weston and Mollie hosted most of their family with the exception of Max and his wife, Mariam. Everyone was getting along, talking among each other in the living room area. Weston and Mollie sat at one end of the room talking to Max and Mariam; Mollie had Maki in her lap, playing with a rattle toy of her choice as Willow played peek-a-boo with her behind the couch. Shawn and Skylar sit near the kitchen island, sharing celebratory drinks with Aimee and Maurice. It was the perfect way to end such a beautiful night until I noticed that Grace wasn’t around everyone else. Something in me told me where she was already, as I learned pretty quickly where she tends to gravitate to.
I slid open the balcony door from the guest room; the same room that Grace lived in while she was in college. She turned around as I smiled at her, sliding the door shut behind me.
“Jagiya,” I started to say. “What are you doing out here by yourself?”
Grace smiled before looking out toward the city. “Just getting some air after a really long day.” I placed my arm around her, kissing the side of her temple.
“Everything was beautiful,” I began to say with a smile on my face. “And the space looks really good.” Grace smiles as a response, not saying much. It somewhat confused me; I would’ve expected Grace to be more vocal about tonight, considering this was the studio’s first showcase since being in the new space. I analyzed her expression, unable to interpret what’s going on in her mind. “Is everything okay?”
Grace took a moment before she answered. “Everything is great.”
I squinted my eyes suspiciously. “That wasn’t very convincing.”
“You know that moment of silence you get after feeling like your mind has been racing with everything going on around you?” Grace randomly asked. “Like for one moment, your mind is clear of everything that’s happening?”
“Sure,” I answered, pondering the thought. “I sometimes have those moments after my lectures, or when you’re working and I finally put down Maki for the night.”
Grace nodded her head. “It’s been awhile since I’ve had one of these nights.” She leaned her head along my shoulder, looking out to the city once more. “Now I have to think about the holiday showcase and what dance to do next–“
“Ya,” I said, looking down at Grace. “October just started; let’s not fast forward to the holidays just yet.” Grace laughed as she looked up, shaking her head.
“I guess you’re right,” she began to say. “I don’t think I can handle seeing Maki in a holiday dress, celebrating her first Christmas–“
“Okay, I’m going to stop you there,” I said jokingly, not ready to think about Maki’s first holiday with us. I didn’t even like thinking about how fast she was growing up; it felt like it was just yesterday that I was first holding her in my arms. Grace looked up and smiled at me. “Mwo?” I asked, seeing the perplexed looked on her face.
“Nothing,” she answered cryptically. It wasn’t like Grace to beat around the bush like this, so surely there’s more going on in her head than she wanted me to know. “I think I’ve just accepted that this is… my life.”
“Jagiya,” I scoffed before I continued. “I’m going to need you to talk to me in complete sentences–“
“I think for once in my life I feel absolutely… happy.” She paused before she continued. “I feel like I’m suppose to be where I’m supposed to be. With you.” Grace’s words made me feel warm inside; everything about Grace makes me feel like it’s the very first time. I blushed, and Grace immediately caught on and giggled. “I didn’t mean to make you embarrassed–“
“Not embarrassed,” I quickly corrected her. “You just continue to have the same effect on me since the first day I met you.” Grace was now the one blushing, hiding her red cheeks with the palm of her hands.
“What did you think about Willow’s dance tonight?” Grace asked, changing the subject. “She actually made me cry while I was at the back of the room.”
“She didn’t even look like she was nervous,” I commented, reflecting on the performance tonight. “She seemed so poise and confident; not to be completely biased but she looked like a seasoned professional compare to the other dancers–“
“Jamie,” Grace said, slapping my arm. “You can’t say that!”
“Why not? I only speak the truth,” I teased, smiling afterwards. “You’re raising a sophisticated, eloquent young lady.”
“You’re raising her too, you know.” I looked at Grace, not really expecting her to say that. “You’re just as much as her parent as Max and me. Do you realize just how much she adores you? She’s always talking about you and all of the words you’ve been teaching her in Korean. Not everyone will do that with a kid that’s not biologically theirs.”
Grace’s words meant a lot to me, and I couldn’t help but smile back at her. “She’s our original little bean.”
…
On this particular night, Grace had to work late in the studio to wrap up some paperwork, and I was strictly on dad duty. In true Maki fashion, she had preferred to be strapped to my chest as I was preparing dinner for Willow and me. Willow sat at one end of the island counter, finishing the last of her homework.
“Willow Bean, dinner should be ready in 5 minutes. Make sure your homework is in the correct folder before you put it away,” I said, opening the fridge to grab one of Maki’s bottles. Willow hopped off the stool and grabbed her folder full of worksheets and walked toward me.
“You or mommy have to sign it,” Willow said, pointing the folder up toward me. I quickly placed the folder back on the counter, signing my name on the dotted line that says ‘parent/guardian signature’.
“There you go,” I said, placing the worksheet back in the folder. “Go wash up for dinner, okay?” Willow nodded her head, skipping towards her bedroom.
I made sure the girls ate before I did, only because it was easier to supervise them both than having to eat and do so at the same time. Also, I was busy holding Maki in one hand while holding her bottle with the other. Willow took her time eating the Korean soup dish I prepared on this rainy, October night.
“Jamie?” Willow said after a couple of spoonful’s of soup.
“Ne?” I answered; my attention now on her.
“How do you say ‘soup’ in Korean?”
“Well, there’s many different types of soups. There’s guk, tang, jjigae; it all depends on the type of soup you’re eating.”
“So, what would this soup be called?” Willow asked, twirling her spoon into the bowl.
“This is dakgomtang, or chicken soup,” I answered her. She looked at me as I pronounced it out. “Dak-gom-tang.”
“Dak-gom-tang,” she repeated in an American accent. It was cute hearing her pronounce the Korean words with her tiny voice.
“Ne, jalhaess-eoyo.” I smiled at Willow before looking down at Maki, feeding her with a bottle. Willow watched as Maki ate.
“Will Maki learn Korean when she grows up?” She asked.
“Maki is already learning,” I replied, looking down at Maki. “The more words we say around her, the more she will learn what they mean.”
“Does she know any words now?”
“Well, we won’t know until Maki gets a little bit older,” I began to explain, cleaning Maki’s face with her bib. “Do you want to teach her a word today?” Willow’s eyes lit up, seeming to be shocked.
“I can?”
“Of course,” I said as I smiled, placing the bottle down on the counter. Maki seemed to be confused on why the food just abruptly stopped, but she didn’t fuss. She looked directly at Willow with her big, chocolate-colored eyes. “Let’s teach her how to say ‘big sister’.”
“Wouldn’t it just be sister?” Willow asked. She was pretty intelligent for a 7-year-old girl.
“In Korean, the way you address your elders is very important. It’s all about being polite and respectful to people that are older than you.” I looked at Maki, getting her attention before I continued. “Maki-ya, igeon ne eonniya.” I looked at Willow as she looked at me with a huge question mark on her face. “Maki, this is your big sister. When Maki gets older, she will address you as her eonni.“
“Eon-ni,” Willow sounded out, perfecting it on the first try.
“Ne, maja,” I praised her, which put a major smile on Willow’s face. “Sometimes, she will say your first name, followed by eonni. So, Maki will say ‘Willow eonni‘.”
“That’s so cool!” Willow said excitedly. She leans forward on the counter, getting close to Maki. “I am your eonni, Maki!” Maki flashed a gummy smile at her sister which instantly warms my heart. “Does she call you Jamie too?”
“I am Maki’s appa, or dad,” I corrected her, getting nervous having to explain the difference. Surely, Willow was old enough to understand that her and Maki share the same mother, but have different fathers. I was just unsure how to teach her the difference in another language. “You call your dad appa.”
“And mommy?”
“You and Maki call her eomma,” I finished her thought. Willow had a perplexed look on her face, seeming to be pondering a thought. “What’s on your mind?”
“So there’s no special name for you in Korean?” Willow asked, seeming a bit disappointed. I tightly smile, thinking about how to answer her question.
“I’ll let you in on a little secret,” I started to say in a whisper, leaning towards the counter. “Remember how mommy and I told you that Maki has two different names?”
She nodded her head. “Yep! Mommy said that Maki’s other name is Maggie,” she stated the facts. I nodded my head, agreeing with her.
“That’s right,” I started to say. “That’s because Maki’s American name is Maggie. Maki’s special name is Maki.”
“Ohhh,” Willow reacted, nodding her head.
“I have a special name too,” I revealed, smiling at Willow. I was intrigued at how invested she was in learning this newfound information. She was such a smart girl that always wanted to learn new things, and I never mind teaching her those new things.
“What’s your special name?”
“Jaemin,” I answered in Korean.
“Jae-min,” Willow said, sounding the words out. I nodded my head, agreeing with Willow’s pronunciation.
“Maja, Willow-ah,” I responded back. Willow self-congratulated by applauding herself. I couldn’t help but laugh at her reaction. I never imagined that I would be spending my night with Maki and Willow; nae ttaldeul.
