I was glad that Mr. Harrison was absent today since I needed all of the time to finish writing these songs before our band practice after school today. The once-secret band that Vero and I had was now publicly known; and by that, I mean Davy opened his huge mouth to Mollie and now she knows about it.
“A fucking band?” Mollie spat out, cornering me in her bedroom. On this particular day, my family had spent the day at Mollie’s place, and she didn’t give me any time before she pulled me into her room, slamming the door shut behind us.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, trying to play it off.
“Don’t give me that shit Milo, you know exactly what I’m talking about!”
“Mol, I—”
“Davy told me that you, him, Jonah, and Ronnie are starting this band together. I understand the guys, but Ronnie? Why the fuck is Ronnie joining your band?” I swallowed hard, trying to come up with some excuse to not blow my cover.
“Sheesh Mol, relax! It’s a stupid project for our band class,” I said, straightening the collar of my shirt. Mollie’s expression softens, seeming to believe my response.
“So, this isn’t some random band you decided to put together for the hell of it? Because seriously, that would be so lame of you,” Mollie expressed. I faintly laugh at her, trying to play it cool.
“It’s extra credit for the class, and I don’t know I thought it would be something fun to do for a grade, I guess.”
“You? Extra credit? You’re a dual major.”
“Davy was so excited to tell you because the credit is actually for his grade.” I hated to lie to Mollie, considering we just got on good terms with each other not too long ago. She looked at me, trying to see if I would break or something. She shrugged her shoulders before saying anything.
“Not surprising,” Mollie concluded.
The substitute teacher pretty much told us we were able to do whatever we wanted to do as long as we didn’t break anything, which was reasonable. It gave me time to finish writing what was left of this one song.
“Dude,” Davy said as he passed by my seat. “It’s a free period; why are you still doing work?”
“This ‘work’ is for the band,” I emphasized, closing my lyric book. “I’m trying to finish that last song we were practicing the other day.”
“The chords of that are sick,” Davy commented. “It’s so angsty and emo.” Leave it to Davy to call anything punk “angsty” and “emo.” “Ronnie’s guitar part is… whew.”
“She’s so good at the electric guitar–“
“What’s up with you and her anyway?” I looked at Davy, clearly confused at his question.
“What?”
“Like, I see you hanging out with her more than Mollie these days. You’re hanging out with her the way you used to with–” Before Davy could finish the sentence, another classmate passes us by; it was clear that it was Allen.
“Dude, seriously?” I said out loud, feeling annoyed.
“Sorry that you are in the way of my seat,” Allen spat back.
“It’s a free period–” Before I could even finish my sentence, Allen sits with a group of his friends at the corner of the band room. I rolled my eyes and looked back toward Davy. “Such an asshole.”
“You just don’t like him because he spends all of his time with–“
“Excuse me,” a girl’s voice said out loud. I turned around and see Sophie standing there. It was the closest she had been to me since we were together. Davy moves out of the way, letting Sophie walk through.
“Hi, Soph,” Davy greeted her. Sophie smiled and waved, completely ignoring me as she walked by. Davy looked back at me, waiting for my response.
“Not today, Davy,” I warned him.
“Dude, the tension is thick,” Davy commented. “You would think you guys broke up on bad terms.”
“We did break up on bad terms,” I corrected, looking at Sophie sit with Allen and his friends. She smiled as she greeted them; it bothered me how comfortable she had become with him and his friends. “She is the sole reason why I vow to not date any more Waverly girls while in high school.” Davy scoffed, leaning back in his seat.
“Don’t let her get to you. You guys dated, you broke up; that’s it. It doesn’t need to be this whole dramatic thing between you two.” I couldn’t stop looking in Sophie’s direction. What did she see in Allen that she didn’t see in me? Are these people even her real friends? Is Allen treating Sophie better than I ever did?
I got up from my seat, grabbing my belongings. Davy looked up at me, clearly confused.
“Where are you going?”
“To the West Wing to write,” I answered. “Don’t forget our next practice is this weekend at Ronnie’s.” I walked out of the band room, letting out a deep breath. Sophie and I have been more than willing to be in the same class, but it was knowing that what used to be between us is now potentially happening with another guy… it nearly kills me seeing her be so happy with someone else other than me.
So I did what I do best in these situations. I sat in one of the rooms in the West Wing, scribbling anything and everything I was feeling in this moment.
That’s because Sophie was your muse. I can hear Vero’s voice in my head. Vero. If she wasn’t absent today, it wouldn’t have been as bad as it was today. In some strange sort of way, band class has been surprisingly easier to manage since getting close with Vero. Her energy was a lot like Mollie’s, just not as obnoxious. It was refreshing to have someone around that shared the same passion in the way that I did.
“What are you even thinking about, Milo?” Vero said to me, sitting across from the study room table.
“How right you’ve been about my feelings for Sophie,” I answered honestly. Vero raised her eyebrow up, waiting for me to continue my train of thought. “The more I avoid writing about it, the worse my writer’s block becomes.”
“You gotta let that shit go.” I looked up at Vero, trying to read her body language. “The fear of letting yourself feel what you’re compressing. Not only are you hindering your writing, but you’re also holding onto built up resentment.”
“How do I not do that? Sophie was—”
“Your first love,” Vero finished my sentence. It must’ve been that obvious if someone else can see it too. “Take those feelings and just write. Don‘t overthink it or make it poetic. Just write the raw, unfiltered things.”
…
The first bell rings, and I immediately pack my things up to run back to the band room for attendance. Before I could even exit the room, someone is already opening the door. I stopped in my track, not expecting to bump into Sophie again.
“I’m sorry,” I quickly apologized, trying to get out of the way. Sophie seemed pretty flustered herself, not really knowing which direction to go. We both stopped trying to escape each other, taking a moment to let out a deep breath.
“No, no; it’s my fault,” Sophie shyly said. “I had booked the room during lunch and didn’t think anyone was in here.” I shook my head, immediately getting out of her way.
“Here you go,” I said, walking away from the front door.
“Thanks,” Sophie said. Before I can even process what was happening, I hear Allen’s voice call out for Sophie. I turned around, walking him sprint towards Sophie and me. I walked away before he got closer to us, not wanting to be around for any interactions between the two.
That night, I wrote in my room for hours. I sat at my desk, wired headphones in my ear, tapping out the musical measures as I wrote in my lyric book. Things were rewritten, circled, underlined, and rewritten the longer I focused.
The last time I was able to write and finish this quickly was when Sophie and I were still dating, and we had took our relationship to a whole other level. Maybe Vero always knew what she was talking about.
Letters From Liz. 