Overexposed: A Self-Love Project., Twelve Letters of Lizmas: 2021

Day 6: Overexposed: The Plateau.

liz

Weight loss surgery isn’t an automatic magic tool to lose weight. While it’s a powerful one, it is not magic. Not my words, but another writer that once documented their process after having weight loss surgery.

Hi, my name is Liz & I’ve hit a weight loss plateau.

I’ve been at my current weight for about a couple of weeks now, which hasn’t really happened since being on this journey. In fact, once I had the surgery, I was losing weight consistently– sometimes too quickly– more than I ever had. So, for me to hit this point in my journey where I haven’t lost another 5 to 10 pounds in a month sometimes scares the ever-living hell out of me.

It also makes me think that maybe I’m going something wrong. Am I not eating right? Am I not eating enough? Am I not exercising? Do I have to begin working out hardcore? It just very much feels like I’m doing something wrong and that’s why the weight loss stopped.

On top of that, it’s a very confusing conversation to have with people that asked me if I lost any more weight since my last update because, well, many people will expect you to lose tons of weight easily without any hiccups in the process.

Even I believed that. To have not had any major weight loss between my third and fourth month, I was worried that where I was was the stopping point. My anxiety about me not losing any more weight was through the roof, and it definitely got me depressed to think that I’ve went through this major change in my life for it to only work for three months. Something wasn’t adding up.

Although I know my success and self-confidence shouldn’t be determined by a number on the scale, it was hard to not get bummed by the number staying the same after seeing it constantly change as soon as I had surgery.

I honestly didn’t know weight loss plateau was a legit thing. I also didn’t know it was typical for a plateau to occur after having bariatrics surgery. In a nutshell, a plateau can occur for many reasons: the obvious one being that you are not eating food that is good for you, but instead doing the opposite and keeping your old, pre-surgery eating habits at bay. While I’m sort of guilty for this, I’ve managed to stay away from a lot of things that were in my old diet before having surgery. I’m also more in tune with my body and know just how much food I should be putting on my plate. FYI: it’s still not a lot. Nevertheless, the plateau tells me that there is something that is happening in my body that is inevitable and I shouldn’t obsess over it. Point blank, period.

But, what if it lasts longer than intended? What if it lasts for months more than the weeks that it typically lasts for? What if something is truly not right? Of course, my uncertainty and anxiety bring up these questions constantly when something in my own unique journey doesn’t follow the “bariatrics surgery handbook”.

Hearing other people’s stories online about their own plateau makes me feel like I’m not alone in the process and that I’m not doing anything wrong with my own journey. We are warned way before having surgery that it’s not a magic fix to weight loss; it only helps makes the process go a bit easier. But once surgery is over and done with and your body has healed from it all, it’s up to you to actively help the body keep it healthy and encourage it to lose more weight.

Again, let me just clarify that this isn’t me saying, “oh my go9d, I’m a failure for staying fat” or anything along those lines. If you guys have been long time readers, you would know my main reason for getting this surgery was because of my age and the high risk of other medical problems that run through my family because of obesity. I did not get this surgery to “be pretty and thin”, I did this so that I felt like my age instead of having my body hinder itself by feeling 20 years older. I was fine being in my skin when it was in the 300lbs territory, but physically it didn’t feel good.

I’m also not going to say that seeing the number go down didn’t feel good. It felt amazing to physically see the changes and to feel more my age as the weight was coming off. It was something I wasn’t able to do on my own, and with the hard work I went through to get surgery in the first place, it feels good to see weight come off like this. For me, it motivates me even more to work hard and try to keep this weight off now that I Iost some of it.

So, I hope once this published, the plateau is officially gone and the weight continues to come off as I work for it to come off. Again, this is something that I feel like not a lot of people will talk about within their journey because it could signify as failure, which again it isn’t! Maybe it’s just time to hit up that gym and get the membership. Maybe it’s time to track and portion out food better. Maybe we have to find ways to enjoy food without it being bad for you. There are ways to turn something like this back into a positive and gain back control of what we worked hard for. Because God knows once this weight is off, I’m keeping it off!

With that being said, 2022 is just the continuation of focusing on my body and getting to know this body better as we further ourselves into this journey. Patience, young grasshoppers.

Black Sheep in Society., Twelve Letters of Lizmas: 2021

Day 5: Black Sheep College Students: A Scene.

liz
The College Campus Tour Checklist - College Board Blog

It was a cooler than normal day in this Autumn day. A young adult in this early 20’s, Micah, walks on campus with two of his friends.

Micah is an eccentric looking person; he rocks a nose piercing and curly hair with round glasses. His two friends are Dani and Tanner, who are actually a couple. Dani is Micah’s best friend since childhood; their parents have been best friends for what seems like forever. She’s definitely the mom of the group, always scolding Micah for his poor choices and decisions in situations. Tanner, Dani’s boyfriend, definitely follows the group and tries to be the peacemaker when Micah and Dani argue with each other, which is pretty much all the time.

The trio walk through the sidewalk on campus, holding their books until they reach a bench that they typically always sit on in between classes.

Dani: Can we just go in the lounge today? It’s freezing out here!

Micah: Maybe you shouldn’t have worn that dress with no jacket, smartass.

Dani: It’s literally the end of September, why the fuck does it need to be cold already?

Micah shrugs his shoulders and takes out a notebook and pencil. He flips to a page with music staffs and notes on it and reads it. Tanner takes off his sweater and hands it to his girlfriend.

Dani: So, what’s the plan looking like today?

Micah: I’m going out with Kalia after class today.

Dani rolls her eyes and audibly sighs out loud. Micah looks up from his notebook to look at Dani.

Micah: What? Sorry that I had plans already.

Dani: When are you going to remember that you also have friends? Like, you don’t see me and Tanner always running off to do couple things.

Micah: That’s because you guys are weird…

Tanner: Hey! We aren’t weird! We just like to spend time with our friends because they matter a lot to us and—

Dani: Tanner.

Tanner anxiously stops talking and looks at Dani and Micah.

Dani: Kalia can’t be that great in bed, Mic.

Micah: *shocked* Where the hell is this coming from?!

Dani: I mean what other reason are you constantly spending your time with her, like she barely has a personality from what I remember.

Micah: *to Tanner* Bro, control your girl before I hurt her feelings.

Dani and Micah start arguing and Tanner tries to break it up.

Tanner: All that Dani wants is for her best friend to hang out with us a little more.

Dani: Exactly.

Tanner: Bring Kalia over tonight.

Dani: *looks at Tanner* That’s not what I meant, babe; what?

Tanner: Look, we gotta be more accepting with Kalia since she’s Micah’s girl. If she makes him happy, then that’s what matters since Micah is our friend.

Micah: Thank you Tanner. *to Dani* Now how can he be understanding more than you, Dani?

Once again, the two friends begin arguing, leaving Tanner having to calm the group down.

…

Micah enters the student center to wait for his last class of the day. He looks near the cafeteria area, which is packed with hungry students. He opts for a snack at the college bookstore. He enters and takes in the environment; school sweatshirts and merch surround the store, with snacks and drinks towards the front. He grabs a snack and heads to the front of the bookstore.

Micah: Hi, Rosie.

The girl at the register has big, curly hair with streaks of colors in it. She wears a septum piercing, all back clothing, and her name tag, which reads “Rosie” on it. Micah met Rosie on campus one day a couple of months ago, but haven’t seen her since. He’s quite shocked she’s even still working at the bookstore, considering how much she expressed hating it.

Rosie: Hi.

She scans the item into the register.

Rosie: That’s gonna be $3.57.

Micah reaches for his bag to take out his wallet. In the meantime, he chats with Rosie.

Micah: So, how’s business here at the bookstore?

Rosie: Fine, I guess?

Micah takes his wallet out and gives Rosie the money. He waits for his change back.

Micah: Bad day?

Rosie looks up from the register at Micah. Micah uncomfortably looks away, trying to avoid the conversation completely. She hands him his change and receipt. He smiles politely and leaves the store.

His phone rings in his pocket, to which he answers it once he notices the person calling him.

Micah: Hey babe, listen I wanted to talk to you about tonight…

Twelve Letters of Lizmas: 2021, Voiceless Rant: The Series

Day 4: A Voiceless Rant: December 2021 Edition.

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

It’s been so long since one of these bad boys were posted on the blog! This series, in particular, was created during a time in my life where I felt voiceless in a world where there were louder voices. I started this series as an attempt to be completely uncensored about how I was feeling and to show readers that I was more than what meets the eye. After 4 years of this series being on and off, it’s kind of funny to see how much I’ve grown away from this series, and how much I actually found my voice throughout the series, and just in life in general.

In other words, here’s this month’s installment of:

This year alone has been one that I truly think I needed in order to get better. I needed to get to a place of rock bottom and uncertainty to lift myself back up and get better clarity of the things that mean a lot to me and what was important to me. It’s crazy, almost being 28 years old and feeling nothing like my 23 or 24 year old self. You truly grow within your years, and I’m so grateful they were for the better.

Because I entered my 20’s still not having my own identity. I went through them still feeling scared, naive, and voiceless when all I wanted to do was to voice what I wanted to voice out. It’s mainly one of the reasons I took up writing; I wanted nothing more to express myself without having anything interrupt it or anything taking my time and space to talk away from me. And these “rants” allowed me to do just that; to have a moment to talk about things that were bothering me and things that I wanted to express my opinions about. It was also the first time I expressed my concern of seeking professional help for my mental health and the stigma it would put on me: the one that was always “kept together” and “strong”. This series brought out some of the most uncomfortable topics in me.

2021 challenged me to project my voice; verbally, and in my writing.

Writing wise, I had to stick up for my narrative within my journal article to peer reviewers who didn’t appreciate my voice being so heavy in an academic piece. I had to defend my voice and the importance of my voice in my papers because too many people lose it in the process.

Verbally, I had to challenge those who took my kindness for weakness and I needed to learn boundaries. While I wanted to voice those boundaries, I was too scared to do so. But, I realized that when you secretly need those things and when your soul tells you that you need something in your life to change, you gotta listen to it. Again, it wasn’t an easy road to get where I’m at, and it took years to finally perfect it in a way that works for me.

When I think back to younger Liz, the early 20’s Liz (and even late teens Liz) I can’t help but be extremely grateful that I made it to be the age I am today. Who would’ve thought that I would be here today and look back and say, “goddamn, you are now living in the mind that you always wanted.” And when I’m in my 30’s, I’ll probably say the same thing again! But to be here and allowed myself the room to grow and better myself instead of ending my life when I was 18, I think I’ll forever be grateful and thankful that there was something in me wanting to push harder and see the good out of things, and in myself.

And I think for the most part, this series played its role and did what it needed to do for me. I think it gave me the space and time needed to express and project my voice when I couldn’t do it in real life. And because of that, this series will always remind me where I once was, and how far I’ve come since then.

See you when I see you next, Voiceless rants.

The "Something" Series, Twelve Letters of Lizmas: 2021

Day 3: Something for the Heartbreak: A Scene.

liz
Restaurant Front 90 Night - Picture of Khushi's Restaurant, Dunfermline - Tripadvisor

The three men continue to walk up to Ari, who just put her cigarette out and placed her lighter in her purse. Jamie, being the man in the middle, gets his composure together and stops in front of Ari.

Ari: You must really like New York if you keep coming back here the way you do.

Jamie smiles the insult away.

Jamie: Just here for work. *towards the other men* These are my friends, Shawn and Kevin.

The two guys awkwardly bow in front of Ari.

Ari: Nice to meet you guys.

Jamie: Are you here tonight with your boyfriend?

Ari: *corrects* Fiancee.

Jamie: Congrats on the engagement.

Ari: Thanks.

Nothing else is said between the two until Jamie shifts and clears his throat.

Jamie: Well, we better get going. It was nice seeing you, Ari.

Ari doesn’t say anything. She just stands there as the en walk past her, continuing down the block. Ari quickly goes into the restaurant.

Ari walks in and goes back to sit at the bar with Grace. She looks at the counter where there is 3 empty glasses already next to Grace.

Ari: Goddamn, bitch! I’ve only been away for like 10 minutes!

Grace laughs harder than she should’ve at the comment. Ari knows Grace is drunk already.

Grace: What took you so long anyway, like I ‘ready hadda like, 3 drinks without ‘chu?

Ari loudly sighs and sits at the counter. The bartender comes to the ladies.

Grace: My man! Gimme a–

Ari covers Grace’s mouth.

Ari: Get her water, please.

She looks at Grace, who has a pouty face on. Ari rolls her eyes.

…

The three men walk into a restaurant; it’s mediocre for the city. Shawn and Kevin look around the place, not impressed with Jamie’s choice in venue.

Shawn: Hyung, we’ve been to better places in Korea than… this.

Jamie takes in a deep breath and walks towards a booth. Shawn and Kevin sit on one side of the booth, and Jamie sits on the other side on his own.

Kevin: I thought we were going to that place that we passed by?

Jamie doesn’t say anything, he just looks at the menu in front of him. Kevin waits for him to answer him.

Kevin: *annoyed* Hyung?

Jamie: *snappy* Mwo?

Kevin: Why are we here?

The waiter comes by with a notepad and pen in her hand. She looks at the three men, annoyed that the two sitting together don’t answer back quickly. Jamie chimes in and orders for the group. The waiter just walks away, without saying anything.

Shawn: It’s true what they say about Americans…

Jamie: *stern* Ya.

The guys stay quiet, until Kevin speaks up.

Kevin: Who was that lady?

Shawn: Yeah, she definitely didn’t look like–

Kevin: *nudges Shawn* Hyung!

Jamie looks at the two guys and takes a deep breath.

Jamie: Ari is Grace’s friend.

The guys nod their heads in understanding.

Shawn: But why couldn’t we just eat at that other place she was at?

Kevin: I mean, she was with her fiancee, no?

Jamie: She wasn’t in there with her partner. She was with Grace.

The guys don’t say anything. The drinks arrive to the table.

Jamie: She didn’t want to say, and it’s better if she didn’t.

Kevin: Did you and Grace really end things on a bad note like that?

Jamie doesn’t answer, he just chugs his drink down, telling the waiter to give him another one.

…

The lights go on in an apartment. Grace walks in, and kicks off her shoes. She tosses her purse on the floor and sways her way to the kitchen. Ari and Emerson walk into the apartment after her.

Ari: Thanks for driving her home, Em.

Emerson: Wouldn’t be the first time I did this.

They both look at Grace, who reaches in her cabinet for the biggest bag of chips she owns.

Emerson: At least she’s learning to keep her alcohol in.

Ari: Jeez, thanks for pointing out her alcoholic tendencies. *gathers her stuff* I have to make it home to Dean, let me know if she’s gonna be okay?

Emerson: Yeah.

Ari leaves the apartment. Emerson turns around and sees Grace slumped on her couch, hand deep into the chips bag. Emerson walks over to Grace and sits on the sofa chair next to her.

Grace: Sorry that Ari got you in the middle of this mess.

Emerson: We’re family; you know I’m always here to help out.

Grace doesn’t say anything.

Emerson: So… what got you wasted like this tonight?

Grace: *annoyed* Don’t do that. Not every time I get drunk is because my life is turmoil or some shit. *even louder* Can’t I just go out and get drinks with Ari without it meaning anything?!

Emerson: Ari was not merely as drunk as you are, Grace.

Grace rolls her eyes and tosses the bag of chips to the side.

Grace: Well, thank you for fucking up my night by making me think.

Emerson gets up from his seat.

Emerson: That’s why I’m here! Whatever got you all fucked up like this, I hope it gets better. You’ve been so–

Grace: *snappy* So what?

Emerson: … on edge lately. I’m just trying to help you get over whatever has you in this mood.

Grace: I hate the winter.

Emerson is confused about the random statement Grace said, so he chooses to ignore it.

Emerson: I have to get going. Cami would rip my dick off if I’m not home with this night’s pregnancy cravings.

Grace shuts her eyes.

Grace: See you later.

Emerson grabs his coat and walks out of the front door. Grace slumps down on the sofa, forcing herself to sleep.

Music Reviews, Twelve Letters of Lizmas: 2021

Day 2: Top 5 Albums of 2021!

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

The end of the year means that it’s time to countdown my favorite albums that were released this past year! I feel like withi the kpop community alone, there was so many new releases and amazing albums, and it’s honestly so hard to just pick five of my favorite albums. But, let’s just jump right into it because oof, I have a lot to say about my favorites this year!

5.) “SAVAGE” by aespa

aespa's 'Savage' tops two Billboard charts

So, aespa has been on my radar for the past year, specially since they released their comeback track “Next Level” earlier this year. I personally wasn’t crazy about their debut, but once I got into them, I realized just how insane their vocals and concepts were. For a little introduction of these girls, aespa is a 4-member girl group under SM entertainment that debuted in November 2020 with their debut track called “Black Mamba”. Their whole concept is this alternate universe futuristic type of thing, but these girls honestly slay it and do it well! They finally released their first official mini album, “Savage” back in October and wow, this album is so good! I had to buy the physical copy because the concept of this album was bomb and the tracks on this album were so good! It’s different than your typical girl group type of song, but these girls honestly fit each other so well and I’m so excited to see where these girls go next!

4.) “BLAZE” by DO HANSE

VICTON's Hanse reveals striking concept photos for 'BLAZE' digital album | allkpop

Another year, another Victon member making their solo debut! This year, our main rapper of the group, Hanse, made his official solo debut with his first album called “BLAZE”. Now, I didn’t know if I was going to like this album because I’m such a sucker for a vocal line, but I was honestly so surprised to vibe with the title track, “TAKE OVER”. It’s definitely such a different type of kpop song, and honestly I’m so proud that Hanse got the chance to create music the way he wanted to since he’s such an interesting and eccentric type of kpop idol. The other tracks on the album showcase such a variety of music genres and bops; this album easily became one of my favorites of the year, hands down!

3.) “The Chaos Chapter: FREEZE” by Tomorrow X Together (TXT)

Tomorrow X Together – 'The Chaos Chapter: Freeze' review: K-pop's fourth gen leaders find love in a hopeless place

Prior to 2021, I was not a TXT fan. Their music didn’t really get me going, so when it was announced that they were coming out with their 2nd full-length album, I was pretty indifferent about it. But when it was finally released, my heart was a mess. The title track, “OX1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You)” was so amazingly good and completely brought me back to my teenage emo days! The styling as amazing, the vocals were out of this world, and these boys really made it clear that they are the 4th generation kpop boy group. To give some context about these boys, they are a 5-member group under BigHit Entertainment; the same company that BTS is under! TXT debuted back in March 2019, so they are no strangers to the industry! This was the album that really got me into these boys, and now I am complete TXT trash; a MOA! The rest of the album was also amazingly good; it was on loop when it was first released and since then, they have been releasing other comebacks that are just as good and I’m so beyond sorry i for sleeping on this amazing group. If you’ve been skeptical about listening to TXT, this is the album that will get you into them for sure!

2.) “VOICE: The Future Is Now” by Victon

Victon Forges Ahead in “What I Said” – Seoulbeats

My boys, y’all. On the blog, I wrote a music review about this release back in January when this gem came out to all of us. Victon released their first full-length album and it’s honestly just full of songs that truly describe Victon perfectly. It was their first ever album to have solo tracks in the track-list, and it showcased such a variety of music genres, as well as writing among the members. Their title track, “What I Said” still reigns supreme. It was such a different direction the group went, and to this day I’m still hooked to the instrument behind the song and just the amazing charisma each member portrayed within the songs. Again, every b-side on the album showcased a taste to the “new Victon sound”, but also paid homage to the sound Victon started out with 5 years ago! Since then, the group have been doing some solo activities and Seungwoo enlisted in mandatory military, but for their 5th anniversary, they released a song for the fans and it’s honestly the cutest thing ever, like I cried. Nevertheless, I am so glad the boys had an opportunity to release a full length album and have so much creative direction for the album, and I hope to see them have a physical album release soon!

1.) “Only Lovers Left” by Woodz (Seungyoun)

WOODZ drops dramatic new teaser for 'Waiting' music video

Man, if there’s anyone that comes out with a banging album, it’s Seungyoun! Last year, his debut album under his stage name Woodz was my top favorite album of 2020, and since then, I didn’t think there was going to be an album to top it. His previous releases were just okay, but when this album came out back in October, I was literally in love with this entire album. The title track “Waiting” wasn’t my favorite, but the rest of the album is so fucking good! This is the first time he released three fully English songs, and with Seungyoun’s versatility and writing abilities, all the songs had that “mmph” factor in them! Although Seungyoun isn’t my ult bias anymore, he holds a special place in my heart, and his music always reminds me that I stan talent and only talent. If you want to get into some Kpop that doesn’t feel like Kpop, definitely check out this album and Seungyoun in general! He doesn’t disappoint.

That’s all for now! I can’t wait to see all the new rookie groups that yet to come out, and so excited to see how much this lineup changes! So many new girl groups are coming out within this time period, so perhaps they’ll be more girl groups on this list next year! Until the next one!

Twelve Letters of Lizmas: 2021

Day 1: Re-Introduction, 2021 Edition!

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

First and foremost, happy first day of Lizmas! I can’t believe that the holidays are here and that 2021 is about to come to an end! I hope that everyone stays safe and healthy with family during this holiday season, and you spend the remainder of the year spending time with those you love!

In true Lizmas tradition, I always like to re-introduce myself to the blog, especially now since many of my posts these days are more creative pieces instead of posts about me and my own life. Also, tons of things change within the year so why not introduce myself to all the newcomers, veteran blog readers, and those who just pass by!

So hi! I’m Liz!

I’m very much still a kpop collector; mainly a Victon collector. While in 2020, most of my time was spent on building my kpop collection, I definitely took a step back from collecting this year. Last year, I was able to splurge on my collection and constantly buy things for it, but since returning back to work, I have to be more cautious about my spending and only purchase things when I have extra funds to buy them, especially because the remainder of my collection are more on the rarer side, which can get really pricey. While I haven’t dropped collections, I did stop collecting a lot of them, and mainly just focus on my Viction and Seungsik collection!

I’m now a penpal writer! Earlier this year, I decided to join in on a penpal project my friend created within the kpop community. After really enjoying the process and actually getting a couple of more penpals a long the way, I decided to actually take it a bit ore seriously and create an Instagram page dedicated to my penpalling! Since then, I’ve made snail mail friendships throughout the country, and even internationally as well! Being a penpal has helped me keep my mind busy during bad depressive episodes and anxiety attacks and it keeps me creative! If you’d like to see how my penpal life is, you can follow me on Instagram at @/lizslettercafe !

I had bariatrics surgery back in July. If you guys follow the Overexposed series, you would know that earlier this year, I had weight loss surgery. It was something I was planning to do all the way back in December 2019, but due to COVID, it’s been a very long awaiting process, but here we are – almost halfway into the first year post-op! In the time I’m writing this, I officially lost 55 pounds in total, but who knows how much it’ll be by the time this gets published! If you want to learn more about my own unique process of post-op life, definitely check out the Overexposed series; I talk about some of the most unnoticed and taboo topics of the process!

I still very much believe energies and things you put out into the world, especially within the last year. This year, I did a lot of reevaluating about the way I handled some of my past and the things that held significance in my life. While I thought that I was able to not let my past get the best of me or trigger me whenever things felt familiar to it, I really had to think about what was it that made things difficult. Earlier this year, I decided to take a different approach to things, and I just told myself that the more I would run away and avoid the things from my past, the more it affected my relationships with people who are currently in my life. So, I decided to let things go and forgive myself and those around me. I reconnected with my ex and since then have been on a really good slate! Of course, the things that happened in the past and those feelings I had keep me focused on myself and reminding myself to always put myself first. I don’t hold onto the bad energy I use to carry anymore, and I feel so much better and lighter because of it. I feel like once my energy changed, life just felt so much better in my opinion, and I’m happy I took the risk for myself.

I learned that I am a boundaries-needed type of person. One of the things that I failed to realize sooner in my life was that I wasn’t a good person for needing and wanting boundaries with the people in my life. I am sympathetic to those around me and will always be there for the ones I love, but I’ve been in situations where people took my kindness for weakness and I lost a lot of my own wants and needs by putting them second to those around me. It took me awhile to realize that needing boundaries isn’t being selfish, it’s being proactive and there for me when I need to. For the most part, I’ve lost people who haven’t been accepting of me needing my space and boundaries, but for the most part, those around me have been understanding that I’m in my late 20’s, and in order for me to get where I want to be, I need some space and time to take care of myself and just do what I need to do.

I think that’s it for the most part! I hope you guys enjoyed this first day of Lizmas and here’s to the next eleven days!

Important

A Blog Update!

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

It’s been a hot minute since I did such a casual post like this, but I figured I write things in advance so I can let you guys know what’s to come for the blog!

Now, as most of you probably know, the blog has become a home for both The Teenage Tell-Tale and The Something Series for the past year. I’ve been really in love with being able to write for my writing universe and having them posted on a place where they can live and be read through other people’s perspectives! In my spare time, I’ve been a penpal writer to many people across the US (and some international penpal writers as well) and have shared my universes with a couple of them, which is truly exciting and makes me super happy!

While I have those two series scheduled for future posts in advance, I decided that with the holidays around the corner, it was only right to bring a tradition back to the blog…

The 12 Letters of Lizmas!

Get ready for 12 days of blogging, y’all!

For those who are new to the blog, 12 Letters of Lizmas is the official countdown to Christmas here on the blog! Starting on December 14th to Christmas Day, we publish a new blog post! Some posts reign tradition, like the year recap we reflect on Christmas Eve and reintroduce ourselves on the first day of Lizmas, plus more of our main characters and their stories will be told as well! Personally, I’ve been thinking about introducing a new series as well! They’ve been on the blog plenty of times before, so I figured I wanted to actually set a storyline/timeline for these two… I’m excited to show you guys who these two are!

For the time being, I’ll be going on a little hiatus until then to start prepping for the daily blogging!

Until the next one, and thank you for supporting the blog!

The "Something" Series

Get Yourself Out of Something: A Scene.

liz
How Remote Work Will Save the Night Owl | by Clive Thompson | Index

The only lights on in the building are the ones in Grace’s office. She sits at her desk typing on her keyword occasionally and scanning papers onto a printer. Her hair is tied back in a bushy ponytail and her sweater is rolled up at the sleeves. The sound of the scanner continuously echos through the small office.

A door is heard opening towards the front of the studio. Grace stops to hear who could it be at this hour of the night. She quickly goes back to work when she heard the person calling out for her.

Ari: Grace! I know you’re in here; Emerson told me!

Grace: *to herself* Fucking Emerson…

Ari: Grace!

Ari walks into Grace’s office and sees Grace still working. She sighs, and places her purse on Grace’s desk.

Ari: You’re not about to overwork yourself doing shit like this.

Grace: It’s necessary work.

Ari: Not when it’s after your work hours.

Grace doesn’t listen, so Ari places her hand on Grace’s pile of paperwork.

Ari: Girl.

Grace: *annoyed* Why are you doing this?

Ari: Because love you and care about your well-being. Come on, let’s go do something, like a bar or some shit fun!

Grace: Why would we do that?

Ari rolls her eyes at Grace. She grabs her purse and then walks over to where Grace’s purse is. She grabs it off the hook behind the door.

Ari: You’re either going to leave this work for Monday morning, or you’re gonna have to stay all weekend here without your wallet and keys. Your choice.

Grace rolls her eyes and steps away from her desk. She grabs her coat from behind her chair and walks towards Ari. Ari smiles and hands Grace her bag.

Ari: Good. Now let’s go out for dinner and drinks.

Both women walk out of the office door.

…

The scene is particularly busy on on this Friday night. Ari and Grace get seated at the bar, and are handed menus to order.

Grace: You had to pick the busiest place in the city tonight?

Ari: Bitch, the food here is to die for. Dean and I came here a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been craving to come back here since.

Grace: And you couldn’t drag him along?

Ari: *deadpans* I’m just trying to hang out with my damn best friend, and it would be nice if my stubborn best friend would appreciate it.

Grace: *sighs* I’m sorry, Ari. I’ve just been… not so into things anymore. I’m not the same girl I was when I was younger.

Ari: A bitch turns 30 later this year and now you’re “a different person”. You need to get yourself out there or something.

Grace: Maybe I don’t want to though?

Grace’s phone vibrates and she checks the message in her hand. Ari loudly sighs in annoyance.

Ari: Max isn’t the direction I was hoping you’re going in.

Grace looks up at Ari; she’s clearly confused.

Grace: What do you mean?

Ari: Max is a great guy, but I just think that chapter in your life is over. *raises an eyebrow* You’re not thinking about getting back together with him, right?

Grace doesn’t say anything until she sees Ari about to say something.

Grace: *defensive* I’m not saying that it’s out of the picture, but like… we have Willow together. Maybe things happened this way for a reason…

Ari: Grace, I know Max is not the guy you want to be with. I mean, you literally lied to his face telling him that you had to come back into the city because he made you feel bad about Willow and the whole thing with her tantrum.

Grace shifts in her seat; she’s clearly uncomfortable with the conversation.

Ari: I’m just being honest, Grace. Don’t settle for Max because of your daughter. You were doing fine without him when–

Grace looks up at Ari. Ari stops mid-sentence. She drops it. The waiter comes and takes the women’s orders.

Grace: Can I have a jack and coke?

The waiter writes it down and leaves the two ladies. Ari raises an eyebrow and looks at Grace.

Ari: Okay btich, I see you.

Grace: Might as well get shitfaced and go home to watch reruns of American Cat.

Ari just looks away and reaches in her bag.

Ari: Well, I’m going outside to smoke a cigarette.

Grace: You should really quit that habit, girl.

Ari: I quit mine when you quit yours, workaholic.

Grace rolls her eyes as Ari laughs and gets up from her seat. She walks through the crowd of restaurant goers and out the front door.

Once she’s outside, she teaches a cigarette and lighter out and lights it up. She smokes and looks around in her environment. Something immediately catches her eye. Her eyes widen at the sight. She sees three men walking towards the restaurant. She immediately puts out her cigarette.

Ari: Jamie?

Jamie stops in his tracks, and his friends also stop with him. He nervously looks at Ari, and for once; Ari is nervous looking at Jamie.

The Teenage Tell-Tale.

The Teenage Intervention: A Scene.

liz
1,775 Brooklyn Brownstone Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock

The sun is setting on this warm, June day in New York City. Two teenagers, Milo and Mollie, sit on the front porch of Mollie’s house. Mollie throws a tiny ball from palm to palm, talking to Milo who clearly is concentrated in a notebook.

Mollie: You know, when you come over to a friend’s house, you’re supposed to hang out with them and, oh I don’t know, hang out with them.

Milo looks up from the notebook to look at Mollie.

Milo: My family being here doesn’t count as us hanging out. It’s a family gathering.

Mollie: Whatever.

Mollie stops playing with the ball and begins to get up, Milo watches her.

Milo: Mol?

Mollie looks down at Milo.

Mollie: What?

Milo: Have you heard anything going around the school about Simon and I?

Mollie: Why would I care about that airhead?

Milo: Because it’s about me and Simon getting into that fight a week ago.

Mollie sits back down on the steps, wondering where Milo is going with this.

Mollie: Yeah, I know. I don’t know why you’d even entertain that fuckboy though.

Milo shakes his head, frustrated.

Milo: Nevermind.

He goes back into doodling in his notebook; Mollie puts her head over the page to prevent him from continuing. Milo looks at Mollie.

Milo: Can you not?

Mollie: Not until you tell me what the fuck is going on.

Milo: Nothing, Mol. It was just a question.

Mollie: Look Milo, it’s never “just a question” with you. You always ask things with reasons behind it. Now, should I be worried about that ass hat Simon or…?

Milo: Something just didn’t make sense to me.

Milo closes the notebook on Mollie’s hand, She slips it out of the notebook.

Milo: Like, I don’t give a shit about him, but he just comes up to me one day and starts fighting me like I stole his girlfriend away from him.

Mollie looks at Milo; she doesn’t say anything at first, but she can’t keep it in.

Mollie: Okay I wasn’t going to say anything because like, who cares about them, but like Laurie and Simon are still together after what happened at Prom. Like, she must be stupid for taking that cheater back.

Milo: Laurie took him back?

Mollie: *nods* Mhm. I swear that bitch is just going to get her stupid heart broken by a guy that wasn’t even on the radar like, a year ago…

Milo: *intrigued* Is Laurie still friends with So… I mean, did Laurie forgive her friend too?

Mollie: *annoyed* I don’t know! Why are you all of a sudden interested in the drama? Is your little project partner not spilling the tea anymore? *laughs* You know, its been a while since you and that girl worked on your project; you do know it’s due in like, 2 weeks?

Milo doesn’t answer back, he just takes his notebook away from Mollie and begins to doodle inside of the notebook.

Mollie: Is there something you’re not telling me, Milo?

Milo: Its kinda hard to keep anything from you, Mol…

Mollie snathes the notebook away from Milo, in which Milo protests.

Milo: What the hell, Mollie?

Mollie: *confesses* Are you and Sophie not dating anymore or something? Did you tell that two-timing bitch to get lost and that’s why you guys aren’t talking?

Milo: What the hell are you even talking about?

Mollie: I heard what was going around. Simon was probably mad jealous that you were dating Sophie, because I mean anyone can see that Simon has a crush on her…

Milo is dumbfounded, not sure what to say.

Milo: So you knew this stupid rumor and didn’t even tell me that it was going around?

Mollie: I didn’t even know it was a rumor! I was just waiting on you to tell me because I mean, I am your best friend and you didn’t even tell me!

Milo: *annoyed* There’s nothing to tell! You really believe a stupid rumor without even telling me?!

Mollie stands up, annoyed and defensive.

Mollie: What was I suppose to think when all you do these days is hang out with that dumb girl and never talk to me anymore! At least I make time to hang out with you, and now that we finally are, you’re moping over a girl who literally kissed her friend’s boyfriend! Is that the type of girl you want to date?!

Milo gets up and faces Mollie; he’s frustrated and angry.

Milo: First of all, you don’t know a damn thing about Sophie, and I’m sick and tired of you bashing her every chance you get!

Mollie: You’ve got to be kidding me. Are you seriously going to defend a girl you barely know? Like, you just met the girl like 5 months ago!

Milo: I’ve known Sophie for almost a year! What are you saying?!

Mollie blinks, trying to comprehend what was just said.

Mollie: What?

Milo doesn’t realize whats going on, and keeps talking and confessing.

Milo: You think you know so much about me when in all honesty, you don’t! Did you know that Sophie and I hung out all summer last year? No, because you didn’t care about what I was doing if it didn’t concern you!

Mollie: You… you spent the summer with Sophie?

Milo finally realizes what was said and he immediately looks anxious. Mollie nods her head, and begins to yell at Milo.

Mollie: You seriously spent your entire summer with her, and now look at you. She played you, Milo! She’s nothing more than just a Laurie follower; a wannabe! You got your heart all tangled up in her and look what she does; she runs to Simon and kisses him!

Milo doesn’t know what to say, but he’s feeling defensive.

Milo: You know, you really have to start worrying about your own life, especially with everything that’s happened with you in the last year. *malicious* How’s therapy going for you? Heard you now go on Thursdays too on top of your usual Tuesdays!

Mollie is visibly hurt.

Milo: See, it sucks when someone brings up your own business and have opinions on it, doesn’t it?

Mollie: You know, it’s one thing to look out for your best friend because the people they start hanging out with is no good for them, but for you to just throw my life in my face like its some type of joke, is fucked up.

Mollie turns around and begins to walk back into the house, Milo feels a little guilty for saying what he said to Mollie. Milo doesn’t say anything back; he lets Mollie walk back into the house.

Overexposed: A Self-Love Project.

Overexposed: “Have Some More”.

liz

To my friends and family that are looking out for me within my WLS journey,

I appreciate you guys. I appreciate you being here throughout this unfamiliar process; one that has left me feeling as happy as I could be, but also has left me in some of the worst depressive episodes I’ve had in a long time. I am grateful for those who ask me what I can and cannot eat and try to include me in gatherings as much as possible. I am thankful that I am able to talk about my process, the good and the bad, with open ears and willingness to be reassuring that everything is going to be alright. I will forever remember those who were around for this life-changing journey with me, no matter how far away some of them were or how close they were. I appreciate your presence in my life.

But please stop telling me to “have some more” regarding my food intake.

I know that doesn’t come from a malicious place; it’s actually the opposite. I know that those around me want to make sure that I’m okay, that I am comfortable with the setting, and that I feel included when in reality, I’m now different. But, I don’t want you to keep asking, or telling me, to have more food.

You guys know first hand how long it took me to learn my new body and hunger cues. You guys have been around during the days where I would be in the bathroom, just waiting for the puke to come up and be over with it. The days on end where I feared eating large amounts of food for that reason alone, and when I did eat more, the sick days and nights were happening more. So, now that I have a better understanding of my body and know when to stop eating when I feel full, telling me to “have more” just makes me feel like I’m lying to myself or something. Clearly I feel full, so why are people telling me to have more food or try every single thing that is being served?

I may not have express this out to you all, but since having surgery, I’ve developed some sort of food anxiety, which I’m very terrified could develop into a eating disorder in the future. I fear I will plurge, puke, then plurge again. I fear I will train my mind and body that I’m not hungry at all and end up not eating anything for the day. While I am not new into this journey, I am still learning and doing things in my own way; a way that fits for me, and a way that is both helpful and healthy for me. I want to be control of my own body, and if I want to put food on my plate and it’s not as full or normal like everyone’s plate, then let me decide what I want to eat. If I just want one small piece of a meat and skip the sides, then let me do just that.

Telling me to have more feels triggering. Telling me to take some more food makes me feel like people think I’m starving myself, or I secretly want to eat more food which, again, if I want more, I will take it. Telling me to have one of your sides or look at me like I have 5 heads when I only eat a small portion of food doesn’t feel good. It makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. It makes me feel like I have to take your offer for your food so that I don’t feel antagonized for not doing so. It also fucks with my brain, telling myself that I should eat more and that I really want more when really, I don’t want to eat because “I’m hungry”, I’ll eat because I’m fucking anxious about food and think I want food.

What I’m getting at is please don’t tell me to eat more or pass me a dish and insist that I try it, especially this holiday season. This is my first holiday season post-op and I’m unsure how things are going to be for me, but please allow me to figure out what I want to do with my food during these times.

I love you, and thank you for being here for me through this uncertain time in my life.