Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!
It’s been so long since one of these bad boys were posted on the blog! This series, in particular, was created during a time in my life where I felt voiceless in a world where there were louder voices. I started this series as an attempt to be completely uncensored about how I was feeling and to show readers that I was more than what meets the eye. After 4 years of this series being on and off, it’s kind of funny to see how much I’ve grown away from this series, and how much I actually found my voice throughout the series, and just in life in general.
In other words, here’s this month’s installment of:
This year alone has been one that I truly think I needed in order to get better. I needed to get to a place of rock bottom and uncertainty to lift myself back up and get better clarity of the things that mean a lot to me and what was important to me. It’s crazy, almost being 28 years old and feeling nothing like my 23 or 24 year old self. You truly grow within your years, and I’m so grateful they were for the better.
Because I entered my 20’s still not having my own identity. I went through them still feeling scared, naive, and voiceless when all I wanted to do was to voice what I wanted to voice out. It’s mainly one of the reasons I took up writing; I wanted nothing more to express myself without having anything interrupt it or anything taking my time and space to talk away from me. And these “rants” allowed me to do just that; to have a moment to talk about things that were bothering me and things that I wanted to express my opinions about. It was also the first time I expressed my concern of seeking professional help for my mental health and the stigma it would put on me: the one that was always “kept together” and “strong”. This series brought out some of the most uncomfortable topics in me.
2021 challenged me to project my voice; verbally, and in my writing.
Writing wise, I had to stick up for my narrative within my journal article to peer reviewers who didn’t appreciate my voice being so heavy in an academic piece. I had to defend my voice and the importance of my voice in my papers because too many people lose it in the process.
Verbally, I had to challenge those who took my kindness for weakness and I needed to learn boundaries. While I wanted to voice those boundaries, I was too scared to do so. But, I realized that when you secretly need those things and when your soul tells you that you need something in your life to change, you gotta listen to it. Again, it wasn’t an easy road to get where I’m at, and it took years to finally perfect it in a way that works for me.
When I think back to younger Liz, the early 20’s Liz (and even late teens Liz) I can’t help but be extremely grateful that I made it to be the age I am today. Who would’ve thought that I would be here today and look back and say, “goddamn, you are now living in the mind that you always wanted.” And when I’m in my 30’s, I’ll probably say the same thing again! But to be here and allowed myself the room to grow and better myself instead of ending my life when I was 18, I think I’ll forever be grateful and thankful that there was something in me wanting to push harder and see the good out of things, and in myself.
And I think for the most part, this series played its role and did what it needed to do for me. I think it gave me the space and time needed to express and project my voice when I couldn’t do it in real life. And because of that, this series will always remind me where I once was, and how far I’ve come since then.
See you when I see you next, Voiceless rants.