Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz.

I hope no matter where you are in this world that you are safe, healthy, and getting through this difficult time.

Having this time to unwind and spend some time with myself, I figured it would be best to reflect on some of the things I’ve accomplished since I made it my mission to learn how to forgive myself, my past, the people in it, and move on from it.

For starters, I’ve been actively talking about my past to my therapist during our sessions to get a better understanding of what happened and find more efficient ways to let it go and not affect me to the same capacity as it does currently. It’s been extremely helpful these last couple of months; it’s allowed me to reopen some wounds of my past and think about it with a more rationalized mindset and learn that what happened then isn’t a reflection on who I am now and that it’s okay to forgive the person that I was in my past. Of course, it’s definitely easier said than done and something to this magnitude doesn’t just fix itself overnight; it’s going to take a lot more talks and self-reflection to get to a place that I’m completely okay with everything that’s happened.

I’ve also been learning how to do things on my own without feeling like I shouldn’t do them or I have to be with someone in order to do it. In January, I went to see ITZY in concert at the King’s Theatre by myself and it was an experience I’m so glad that I went ahead to do it.

It was something that was a first for me to do, and of course, I had my doubts of wanting to do something big like this on my own, but as much as I’m learning to move on from my past, I am learning to use this new chapter of my life to be more independent and to make decisions for myself, by myself, and without anyone tell me what’s right or wrong because their opinion just doesn’t fucking matter. 

Speaking of making my own decisions, I decided to reach out to an old friend that I cut ties with years ago due to the situation I was in. I was very much afraid to speak up for myself and say no to a lot of people in my life. That resulted in either me having people in my life that took advantage of my kindness or allowed people to believe that I would do anything for them, whether that meant to put my priorities, morals, and values on the back-burner. So, when I finally to analyze my behavior and patterns and whatnot, I started to make decisions that I felt right.

So, about a week or so, I apologized to an old friend for disappearing on them years ago, and that they always meant a lot to me. I’m glad I did such a major thing like that because it truly spoke about my morals and values in life and that this was just one thing that I really wanted to make right, whether or not we rekindle our friendship. As long as I’m willingly holding my past self responsible for the decisions she made, I’m able to make healthy and wise decisions in the present day.

The point of this check-in is that no matter where you may be in life and no matter where life may take you, always make sure you have the right mindset and stay focused on the things you’re working on. This whole self-quarantine thing for COVID-19 has challenged me to not completely indulge in the craziness that may be happening in the house. It’s also challenged me to constantly stay focused on the things that take priority in my life, and right now that’s practicing forgiveness and working on positive ways to keep my anxiety and depression in place. Whether or not you need a check-up on yourself, it’s important to always take a step back and reflect on what’s happening in hand.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Time is different for everyone, even though we all have the same amount of it each day. we wake up, we either go to school or work, we come home, we do whatever primetime activities we want to do, and then we sleep to then do it again the next day. Of course, we all spend our time differently, and it’s completely up to the individual how they do it within their 24 hours of the day.

I say that because there’s no time limit when we’re ready to do things in life and when we move on from past chapters in life. The limit does not exist. 

I’ve been single for seven months and although I’m very happy having more me time than I had in the past couple of years, I do find myself feeling like I’m ready to move on from that chapter in my life and get myself out there some more. No, I can’t do a hoe phase because it’s not who I am and because I am demiromantic, it simply just means that I’m ready to get to know new people, create deep emotional connections with them, and just experience that whole new crush-like, getting to know a new person feeling again. Because the duration of my last relationship was long, I realize that it’s been a long ass time since I even, like, flirted with a cute guy for-realsies, and just experiencing that whole process of liking someone’s vibe and the connection they have with you.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m ready to start having some romantic interests again.

Dating? We’ll see.

Now I’m not saying that I’m about to hop on dating sites and try to find something serious on there. Again, online dating just isn’t my cup of tea, but also I’m not looking for another serious relationship anytime soon. Can it happen? Sure, if it’s the right one, but it’s something that’s not in the “within the year” plan I have for myself. What’s in that plan is to just start feeling the vibes with new people and new romantic interests and take life for what it is, y’ know?

So, what does that have to do with the art of moving forward?

Well, everything I said is nice to see on paper but to put it into action, it’s taken me quite some time to do something about it.

I just have this dilemma between my mind and heart and what it truly is ready for. After being in such a long relationship, it’s normal to feel like when’s the right time to move on from a part of your life that was your identity for almost half of your life. It’s like you’re betraying all that time when you finally feel ready to move on, and it’s normal to feel that way! People take years before they find another romantic interest and get into relationships, and most of that time is spent on finding yourself, making memories with your friends and loved ones, truly living your best life and when that right person comes into the picture, they will.

The thing is, there’s never a definite answer on when is it time to move forward from the past. Some people hold onto their past relationships for years on end, and some people let them go once they are gone; that’s completely okay!

Now can someone tell my mind that and stop judging me for doing it.

The art of moving forward is that you never know when it’s happening. You don’t just wake up one morning and say “wow, this chapter is over and I’m officially moving forward!” It’s one of those entities in this world that we as people don’t have control over. It just happens.

I think my knowingness that I’m moving toward moving forward (she’s not fully there yet) when I finally starting to be okay looking at other guys and just admiring them from afar without feeling guilty or a that I’m betraying what I used to have in my past. It’s simply a new chapter in life, and I deserve happiness and new beginnings like we all do. I have to keep telling myself that and that moving forward doesn’t discredit anything that happened in the past or anything that you shared with people in the past. People come and go, and they do so for many reasons. 

So, this is me moving forward – hopefully, the transition is a smooth and enlightening one.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, as many of my readers may know, I’ve been single for quite some time. Can’t believe it’s been seven months already, but yeah – she’s been single for a while. The single life, in its simplest form, has been very good to me. I’ve been able to get to know myself better by myself, I’ve been able to meet some dope new people and call them my friends, and I’ve been able to go on adventures by myself and make some cool memories just this year so far! I definitely like life the way it is now just because I’m taking care of myself and learning how to balance my top needs while still being involved in other people’s lives.

But, sometimes it does get lonely on this side of the spectrum.

When you’re in a romantic relationship, you always have a plus one to events or gatherings. If I wanted to see someone in concert, invite your partner. If I was going on a vacation, invite your partner. If I was going to a social gathering, hey – bring that partner of yours for some social support! When you’re single, you don’t always have that other person beside you to do these things, and although for the most part, I’m okay with that (I went to a concert on my own and went on vacation on my own as well and was fine for the most part), it still feels good to experience these things with a person you love.

Also, with the adult friendships you have in your life, sometimes it’s just going to be you doing these things. Sometimes it’s empowering, and sometimes it sucks. 

As a person who isn’t looking for a relationship any time soon, I still have this need to want to feel loved and give out love to those I care about. I’m just a lover, and it’s sometimes the hardest thing to be one when you got “no one to love.”

These days, though, I’m learning a lot about love; platonic love. 

It’s funny because I first learned about the existence of platonic relationships through my favorite TV show of all time, The Killing. The two main characters, Detectives Sarah Linden and Stephen Holder are partners in various crime cases in Seattle, Washington, and throughout their crime-solving, we get to know them as characters and the demons they carry around, which many crime procedurals at its time did not do. You truly fell in love with these two together because although they fought and disagreed at times, they were truly each other’s rock, and they had a love for each other that they never had with anyone else in that world. They never hooked up, kissed (well, tried), or hinted that there was a romantic aspect of their relationship. They just had a love for each other that meant more than any romantic relationship, in my opinion.

Of course, that’s television, but platonic intimacy is truly a thing.

At this point, that is the type of love I want to have for a while. I want to meet new people that I can hopefully create these close friendships with and hope that there is a mutual understanding of our boundaries and willingness to be good friends. Even when I was in a relationship, I always had a hard time differentiating the types of love I show to different categories of people because, well, I treat everyone the same way, even if that meant that my partner got some of my more “friend” type of love at times as well. Sometimes, I really ask myself if I even know how to be in a relationship because of my struggle of loving someone in a romantic aspect and if the love I truly have for other people at this point in my life is just strictly “friend love”.

Meaning: I haven’t found the one yet to be romantically with, so no matter how many relationships I have in the future if that person isn’t “the one”, I’d most likely be just giving them “friend love”, which maybe is the sign telling me about statuses of those type of relationships.

In even simple terms, I don’t want romance in the connections I have with people in my life. 

With that want and my demiromanticism, I believe that the most important relationships in my life now are my friendships, and for me to completely be myself and how my appreciation for them is having a platonic love them, which I truly do! I honestly love all of my friends and I’m so grateful to have them in my life, and these relationships are much more important to me than trying to find a romantic partner to give that love to.

So, to those that value their platonic relationships like romantic relationships, I commend you for doing so! Thank you for not being afraid of holding those relationships to the same level as you would for your romantic relationship, and I hope to be like you with my own friends one day!

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, ya girl is learning a lot these days. She’s learning how to budget her money responsibly (even though she did buy 6 albums within the last couple of weeks), she’s learning how to simply embrace the things she enjoys (i.e tons of KPop music, sense of humor, style), and she’s learning a couple of things about having adult friendships.

Also, she’s gotta stop referring to herself in the third person. 

The thing about friendships is that I haven’t had many of them within a couple of years. The last group of people I had as close friends were the ones I had during my senior year of college in my acting class; it’s actually where I met the most real one out there, Tori! I’ve had a couple of friends within the last couple of years, but with my social anxiety and fear of keeping friends, I always ended up disappearing.

This time, I’m trying my hardest to not let that happen again and to actually develop some meaningful, long-lasting friendships.

Of course, that comes with learning about adult friendships in the first place.

What made having friends as a teenager so easy was that we were always at the same place at the same time for five days a week. Sure, we knew other people outside our friend group and such, but for the most part, your friends were your friends and you were your friends’ friends. The only distance between you guys was possibly the fact that you lived a couple of avenues and streets away from one another. 

But, as I got older, keeping friendships was a really hard thing for me. Not only was I in a situation where I was cautious of having friends, I just lost touch with the people in my life because I have this fear that I’m easily forgotten… I’m working on that! After a while, I just stopped having friends altogether, and it wasn’t until recently since I started to make some friends again!

So even though I’m very respectful and honest about my boundaries with the people in my life, I sometimes have a hard time understanding how boundaries work in adult friendships.

Adults have lives. They are in romantic relationships, they have other friends in their lives and honestly adult friendships have their own side of unique issues than it does when you’re a teenager. For starters, keeping in touch plays a huge role in adult relationships; your friends are not around the block to constantly see you in person and hang out. My closest (and for a while; only) friend lived in Pennsylvania for a year before she packed up her life and moved to Florida, so our long-distance friendship only works if we keep in touch and keep a presence in each other’s lives. For me, that includes sending out holiday/birthday cards to her, keeping her in the loop of the juicy gossip in my life, and supporting her creative outlets.

Another thing is that many adult friendships mean that these people have significant others or a family in their lives. Tori is engaged, half of my girl coworkers are in long-term relationships, and yes, even guy friends are in relationships as well. While I treat everyone pretty much the same because I am not the type to transform into different people for different people, I realize that yeah, even in friendships, especially adult friendships, have different tiers.

It’s about school friends, life-long friends, work friends, etc. – people fit into different categories in your life and depending on the relationship you have with them, your willingness to share things about yourself varies. In other words, things that your life-long friends know about you are not the same things that your work friends know about you. 

I don’t have that boundary with the people in my life, and that’s not always the greatest thing.

While I don’t mean any harm with the people in my life, there is just some level of boundaries you have to have with them. For example, the things I may share with my managers in casual conversation will not be so deep as the conversations I have with the other booksellers at the job. It’s just the level of professionalism and position that creates that boundary for you. New friends in my life shouldn’t know my autobiography within the first week of knowing each other, which yes, I’m aware that with some people in my life as of now, I did share some things way too quickly.

But, it’s about respecting the boundaries and voicing those boundaries, especially with friends of the opposite sex that are in relationships. Not only do I have to remain conversation on a friend level, but I have to also consider the friend’s partner and what they may think of when certain things are shared with me. It’s just having that reassurance that I’m in my lane, staying within my boundaries, making platonic relationships with new people.

Boundaries are not just things you have with people you are in romantic relationships with; they are present in all different relationships! They don’t exist because you shouldn’t trust people blah blah blah, but they’re used as healthy ways to respect yourself and your worth and show others that you will only accept that same level of respect from them and nothing less. That was preachy word-vomit, sorry!

So, have some boundaries and be honest about them, then the actual fun friendship with people begins. 🙂