Important

Happy 400th Letter, Letters From Liz!

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Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Three years and some change ago, I decided I wanted to start a blog because I was in my first year of grad school and wasn’t writing creatively as much as I wanted to anymore. It launched on my 23rd birthday, and honestly, the rest is history.

We’re now in 2020 and we are writing our 400th post!

Writing these posts on the blog has helped me become more open and aware and honest with myself in ways I used to be terrified of. Exposing myself through my writing allowed me to accept the fact that I’m not perfect, that I can be toxic in my habits, and that I don’t always have to have the answer to every problem in my life. It’s allowed me to see the progression of my self-discovery journey through my writing, and if my writing has helped my readers in any way gather their thoughts or spread some sort of happiness in their lives, then I’ve done my job as a writer.

This last year of posts has been my absolute favorite because I’ve had the time to focus and write what I wanted to write instead of just rushing things out for the sake of staying on my schedule. Although LFL is still very much a hobby of mine, I’m still very happy to commit my creativity to the blog and consider this a passion project of mine.

So thank you for following along, and thank you for supporting LFL in any way possible!

Here are just some of my favorite posts I’ve written since we last hit our milestone:

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Music From Liz

Music From Liz: The Chill-Cast Episode.

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Music Mentioned in This Episode:

Posts Mentioned in This Episode:

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Self-Appreciation Saturdays

SAS: A Forgiveness Journey Check-In. (4/4/20)

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self-appreciation saturday

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz.

I hope no matter where you are in this world that you are safe, healthy, and getting through this difficult time.

Having this time to unwind and spend some time with myself, I figured it would be best to reflect on some of the things I’ve accomplished since I made it my mission to learn how to forgive myself, my past, the people in it, and move on from it.

For starters, I’ve been actively talking about my past to my therapist during our sessions to get a better understanding of what happened and find more efficient ways to let it go and not affect me to the same capacity as it does currently. It’s been extremely helpful these last couple of months; it’s allowed me to reopen some wounds of my past and think about it with a more rationalized mindset and learn that what happened then isn’t a reflection on who I am now and that it’s okay to forgive the person that I was in my past. Of course, it’s definitely easier said than done and something to this magnitude doesn’t just fix itself overnight; it’s going to take a lot more talks and self-reflection to get to a place that I’m completely okay with everything that’s happened.

I’ve also been learning how to do things on my own without feeling like I shouldn’t do them or I have to be with someone in order to do it. In January, I went to see ITZY in concert at the King’s Theatre by myself and it was an experience I’m so glad that I went ahead to do it.

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ITZY in Concert: 1/26/20 in Brooklyn, NY 

It was something that was a first for me to do, and of course, I had my doubts of wanting to do something big like this on my own, but as much as I’m learning to move on from my past, I am learning to use this new chapter of my life to be more independent and to make decisions for myself, by myself, and without anyone tell me what’s right or wrong because their opinion just doesn’t fucking matter. 

Speaking of making my own decisions, I decided to reach out to an old friend that I cut ties with years ago due to the situation I was in. I was very much afraid to speak up for myself and say no to a lot of people in my life. That resulted in either me having people in my life that took advantage of my kindness or allowed people to believe that I would do anything for them, whether that meant to put my priorities, morals, and values on the back-burner. So, when I finally to analyze my behavior and patterns and whatnot, I started to make decisions that I felt right.

So, about a week or so, I apologized to an old friend for disappearing on them years ago, and that they always meant a lot to me. I’m glad I did such a major thing like that because it truly spoke about my morals and values in life and that this was just one thing that I really wanted to make right, whether or not we rekindle our friendship. As long as I’m willingly holding my past self responsible for the decisions she made, I’m able to make healthy and wise decisions in the present day.

The point of this check-in is that no matter where you may be in life and no matter where life may take you, always make sure you have the right mindset and stay focused on the things you’re working on. This whole self-quarantine thing for COVID-19 has challenged me to not completely indulge in the craziness that may be happening in the house. It’s also challenged me to constantly stay focused on the things that take priority in my life, and right now that’s practicing forgiveness and working on positive ways to keep my anxiety and depression in place. Whether or not you need a check-up on yourself, it’s important to always take a step back and reflect on what’s happening in hand.

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Topic Tuesdays: Advice

The Scary Thing About Mental Health During The COVID-19 Quarantine.

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz.

For many of us, we are weeks into the quarantine phase of this whole COVID-19 outbreak. Living in NYC, it’s been extra stressful for us to live in a state that has become the epicenter of the virus in the U.S. Living in a predominantly Asian neighborhood, nearly everything is closed, once a crowded area is now deserted, and it’s just an intense time to be living, in all honesty. It’s scary, but we’re all trying to get through this time as efficiently and safely as possible.

With that being said, it’s not only important to focus on our physical health, but our mental health is just as important! Being home without any other social interaction besides whoever lives in your household (which sadly some of us live alone) can take a major toll on your mental health. Like I mentioned in my letter about COVID-19, some of our home environments are not the most healthy spaces for us to be, and our jobs, schooling, or just routines out of the house are the things that keep us grounded and our mental health in a healthy state. When those things are taken away from us so abruptly like it was, it’s difficult to transition into the current new “normal”.

Personally, I find myself not only getting back into old behavioral patterns, but I’m also aware of just how depressed and “not myself” I’ve been lately. I’m aware that the last time I felt this way, I was unemployed and stuck in the house for most of my days for the majority of last year. I know this because a lot of my thinking feels the same as it did, and slowly but surely, I’m finding it hard to be productive, stay motivated, honestly to just get out of bed. It’s the uncertainty, it’s my surroundings, and it’s just my cycle coming back around, and this time I don’t have my routine to help control it.

Of course, I am probably not the only one. In fact, I believe many of us are in the same boat, whether or not they are diagnosed with any mental disorders. It’s a difficult time for everyone; it’s the anxiety of contracting the virus and harming those with compromised immune systems, it’s the anxiety of sheltering and living under this quarantine with very limited supplies left, and it’s the depression of all of this plus the fact you feel like you have no control of your life and what to do with it. Sure, we could watch all the TV, videos, and movies all we want, but we are social beings. Once our body needs that social interaction with other people other than the people in your household, we want it. 

Sadly, there are going to be people in situations where they are constantly triggered and to not have an escape to go to, things could get dangerous and serious.

That’s the scariest part.

Being in an environment that’s mentally draining and unhealthy for your mental health plus the anxiety and depression of COVID-19 could leave anyone feel like they have no control over their own lives. The fact that we have all this time now to overthink and sulk in our negative thoughts, it could be potentially dangerous for those with more severe mental illness. There’s no routine for those who rely upon it, there’s no actual “getting up out of your house to go to therapy” anymore, there’s not even a damn escape place you can go to because everything is closed. It’s that feeling that you have no control over anything that makes everything feel ten times more difficult.

This letter isn’t making you feel any better, I know, but I just wanted to voice out the concerns and the misunderstandings that people may have about this time; it’s more than just “getting the virus”. It’s the fear that comes behind it, it’s the day-by-day life and how that looks like for most of us, it’s not knowing what type of security we have financially; it’s a lot of things, and our mental health is the thing that takes the biggest toll in times like this.

So please, try to take care of your mental health throughout a time like this. It’s so easy to get sucked into all this madness, but make sure you check-in with yourself mentally: how am I doing? Do I feel happy/sad/angry/drained/okay today? What are some things that I could in the house that can help keep me focused on good energy? 

Stay safe, and take care of yourself!

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Self-Appreciation Saturdays

SAS: The Art of Moving Forward. (3/28/20)

liz

self-appreciation saturday

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Time is different for everyone, even though we all have the same amount of it each day. we wake up, we either go to school or work, we come home, we do whatever primetime activities we want to do, and then we sleep to then do it again the next day. Of course, we all spend our time differently, and it’s completely up to the individual how they do it within their 24 hours of the day.

I say that because there’s no time limit when we’re ready to do things in life and when we move on from past chapters in life. The limit does not exist. 

I’ve been single for seven months and although I’m very happy having more me time than I had in the past couple of years, I do find myself feeling like I’m ready to move on from that chapter in my life and get myself out there some more. No, I can’t do a hoe phase because it’s not who I am and because I am demiromantic, it simply just means that I’m ready to get to know new people, create deep emotional connections with them, and just experience that whole new crush-like, getting to know a new person feeling again. Because the duration of my last relationship was long, I realize that it’s been a long ass time since I even, like, flirted with a cute guy for-realsies, and just experiencing that whole process of liking someone’s vibe and the connection they have with you.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m ready to start having some romantic interests again.

Dating? We’ll see.

Now I’m not saying that I’m about to hop on dating sites and try to find something serious on there. Again, online dating just isn’t my cup of tea, but also I’m not looking for another serious relationship anytime soon. Can it happen? Sure, if it’s the right one, but it’s something that’s not in the “within the year” plan I have for myself. What’s in that plan is to just start feeling the vibes with new people and new romantic interests and take life for what it is, y’ know?

So, what does that have to do with the art of moving forward?

Well, everything I said is nice to see on paper but to put it into action, it’s taken me quite some time to do something about it.

I just have this dilemma between my mind and heart and what it truly is ready for. After being in such a long relationship, it’s normal to feel like when’s the right time to move on from a part of your life that was your identity for almost half of your life. It’s like you’re betraying all that time when you finally feel ready to move on, and it’s normal to feel that way! People take years before they find another romantic interest and get into relationships, and most of that time is spent on finding yourself, making memories with your friends and loved ones, truly living your best life and when that right person comes into the picture, they will.

The thing is, there’s never a definite answer on when is it time to move forward from the past. Some people hold onto their past relationships for years on end, and some people let them go once they are gone; that’s completely okay!

Now can someone tell my mind that and stop judging me for doing it.

The art of moving forward is that you never know when it’s happening. You don’t just wake up one morning and say “wow, this chapter is over and I’m officially moving forward!” It’s one of those entities in this world that we as people don’t have control over. It just happens.

I think my knowingness that I’m moving toward moving forward (she’s not fully there yet) when I finally starting to be okay looking at other guys and just admiring them from afar without feeling guilty or a that I’m betraying what I used to have in my past. It’s simply a new chapter in life, and I deserve happiness and new beginnings like we all do. I have to keep telling myself that and that moving forward doesn’t discredit anything that happened in the past or anything that you shared with people in the past. People come and go, and they do so for many reasons. 

So, this is me moving forward – hopefully, the transition is a smooth and enlightening one.

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The Travel Diaries

Travel Diary: Melbourne, Florida.

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Monday, March 16th: The Arrival

I can’t lie, due to the Coronavirus outbreak that has the whole planet on crisis mode, I second-guessed getting on an airplane to fly down south to see my friend, Tori. What if I can’t come back home? What if they do a travel ban within the United States as well? What if something goes wrong altogether? As I sat in my kitchen with my carry-on and backpack across the room, I really wondered if now was the best time to go traveling. After some reassurance from my mother, it was time for me to get out of the house, and head over to the airport.

On a sunny Monday late morning, I was excited to be finally taking my first airplane trip to another state that wasn’t in the tri-state area. Once I got to the airport, it was freakishly empty which was expected; no one is trying to travel during this time. I checked in, went through TSA security, and got to my gate within the hour that I was there. Needless to say, it was an unrealistic representation of how airports truly are, so I’ll be in for a surprise once this pandemic is over for good. But anyway, I was extremely early for my flight; I wasn’t supposed to fly out until 2:30 in the afternoon, and I was already at my gate at 12 o’clock noon. The wait was brutal, but once we finally got on board and all settled in, we were ready for takeoff.

At first, I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my mouth; she was a first-time flyer. Just feeling the plane book it on the runaway and then just fly up 36,000 feet into the air, it was definitely something I had to prepare myself for. Being up in the air was so dreamy though. To literally see the clouds underneath you and fly over every house, forest, every single thing visible to you, it was breathtaking.

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After finally landing in Florida, the first thing I saw was so many palm trees. There aren’t any palm trees in NYC, so to get the opportunity to see something as simple as that was so fucking exciting. So, I finally got off the plane, met up with Tori, and drove back to her place. Traveling totally wiped me out, so for the first time in a long time I knocked out pretty early.

Tuesday, March 17th: Getting Educated By Tori

Tuesday was a pretty chill day; we went out for lunch and came back to then get educated on Tori’s pop/cult-classic culture. If I had to describe Tori, it’s that she’s very much a pop-culture and cult-classics lover. She’s seen everything, she’s listened to everything, and she pretty much knows everything as well. Me? I suck at those things. I mean, everything someone asks me if I heard or seen, I usually say no. So Tori found this trip as an opportunity to show me some of her favorite things. We spent our day watching some anime classics; Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke. They were so cute and the visuals were so fucking good! I definitely enjoyed Spirited Away a little bit more than the other one, but I’m glad I finally watched the essentials of Anime movies.

Also, because it was St. Patrick’s Day and Tori is full-blown Irish, we celebrated the holiday the way she does: drinking and watching a cult-classic favorite of hers: The Boondock Saints. It was really cool to just see the things that Tori enjoys; I’m always interested in seeing the things that make people who they are and who knows, you may even like them as well!

Wednesday, March 18th: The Beach Babes

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We decided to take on a sunny, warm day by going to the beach! We decided to go to this little island resort-like place in downtown Melbourne and oof, the views were beautiful. Driving along the road surrounded by palm trees and 1980’s Miami Vice style buildings was so surreal for me.

Being at a beach in the middle of March was definitely so surreal for me. Having never left the tri-state area to go to a warmer place before, it felt great to just have a little taste of what warm weather feels like after having a cold winter. Watching the waves come onshore, the other socially distant people in swimming suits and with sun-tans, and just having the seawater hit my legs whenever it came to shore felt so fucking great. It definitely made me reflect on where I’m at this point in my life. I just found it so crazy that at that exact moment, I fucking traveled for the first time ever. I did something I didn’t think I’ll ever do, and I’m so glad that I got the chance to experience such a sight.

After it started to get crazy hot on the beach (it was going to be 85 degrees on Wednesday), we decided to get something to eat along the boardwalk near the beach. We went to a place called “Hula Moon” and oof, the food was so fucking good!

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For our appetizers, we tried fried artichoke hearts (which were pretty okay) but the greatest fucking appetizer ever made were these poke nachos. Literally, Tori & I fucked up those nachos like it was nobody’s business. With raw tuna, air puffed tortilla chips, tzatziki sauce, and wasabi, they were everything. We both had a crab & shrimp cake sandwiches with french fries and they were also so fucking good. 

Oh! And we also had drinks! The “Torched Tiki” was the greatest fucking drink I had. We love a fruity alcoholic beverage.

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After spending most of the afternoon out, we went back home to decompress and relax. Hanging out, watching TV, we just spent the rest of my last night chilling in the living room and had some really good girl talk that was well-needed. Back in our college days, we had a lot of moments where we had serious conversations; I specifically remember the time Tori opened up about her past one night after her class and my grad class walking her dog down the streets of Staten Island a couple of years ago and another one when I got stranded at her place one night the day before her birthday. We don’t always have the time to talk to one another, but every time we see each other and we do talk, our friendship never is weird or different. We aren’t the same 22-year-old girls anymore, but we sure are the same people to each other ever since we became close friends.

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Thursday, March 19th: The Departure

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I woke up Thursday morning finding out my flight was canceled. At first, I was totally freaking out because of this whole COVID-19 outbreak going on. I thought I was going to be stuck in Florida longer than I thought, but thankfully they put me on another flight for later in the day. So, Tori and I relaxed for most of the morning before our hour-drive to the Orlando International Airport. Funny story: Tori actually lives near the Melbourne Airport, which would’ve been the obvious choice to fly to and from, but the layovers to even get to Florida were insane. So, we got to the airport, and I truly got the real airport experience being there. For starters, packed. The TSA security line took about 15 minutes to get through, then we had to take an air-train to the gates, and then I saw just saw insanely crowded this flight was going to be. It was pretty nerve-wracking to be on a crowded flight because, well, the whole fucking COVID-19 madness. But, the flight was quick, my father picked me up at JFK, and my vacation was officially over.

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This definitely isn’t the last time I go and see Tori in Florida! This was such an awesome first time that the next time when we are finally out of this pandemic, we’re able to explore more of the sunshine state. Tori is currently engaged, and she’s aiming to have a wedding in 2021 that will most likely be held in Florida, so I’m glad I at least got the feel of traveling down there before that big event occurs. Nevertheless, I’m beyond grateful that she allowed me to come down and visit her during her Spring Break. I wish I was able to stay a little longer, but who knew an outbreak would occur so drastically like this? This trip, in the most simple term, was just the beginning of my travels. I was talking to my coworker a couple of weeks ago about one travel-related bucket list thing I had in mind and that was to go to South Korea for a vacation. She recommended that I should aim for that trip for my 30th Birthday, but to definitely go on some baby trips before that big one. I thought it was a great goal to set for myself, and with a little encouragement from all my coworkers pretty much going away for vacation these last couple of months, I figured it was my turn to do so. I definitely do not regret it. 

My only question now is: when are we booking the next trip?!

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Important

A Message About COVID-19 From LFL.

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz.

I’m writing this letter to my readers as a reminder that through this stressful time not only for NYC but for the rest of the world, that I’m here to be your gateway to some positivity and reassuring advice.

Not only are we all afraid of this unknown, infectious disease affecting our physical health, we must also take into consideration that this isolation and distance from society can take a toll on your mental health as well.

I am especially thinking about those who are now forced to stay indoors in their homes, aka the place that they escape from daily due to it being a toxic environment, abusive, or bad for their mental health. I worry for those that will go through major waves of depression due to the fact that not only they can’t escape from their triggers, but they also have to worry when or if this pandemic will get better anytime soon.

I use work as my escape from home because my home can become very bad for my mental health if I’m home for way too long. Before I started this job, I was home constantly, not knowing where to go or who to escape to, and because of that my depression skyrocketed. Not only am I afraid that might happen if my workplace is forced to close until further notice, but I also worry about my own sibling who shares the same feelings and emotions about our environment as I do.

So please, if you are feeling stuck, lost, or just alone during this isolating time, please reach out to family and friends that make you happy. Please don’t allow the sadness get to you, don’t let the media scare you even more, just do what you have to do to keep yourself safe: physically and mentally.

During this time, I am spending my time writing more and enjoying the things that make me happiest, whether that be listening to KPop music, talking to my coworkers (correction: friends) through group chat, and getting to know some awesome people through social media; anything to keep my mind busy and away from my surroundings and bad thoughts is a win in my book.

I wish you all the best during this difficult time. If you ever need some reading material during this time, the blog is up and running for you guys! My schedule is still the same: new posts every Tuesday and Saturday and perhaps if I get the time to write some more, we may actually add a third day to the schedule for the time being!

Thank you so much for following and supporting LFL in any way possible.

Stay safe!

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Self-Appreciation Saturdays

SAS: Let’s Talk About Platonic Love. (3/21/20)

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self-appreciation saturday

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, as many of my readers may know, I’ve been single for quite some time. Can’t believe it’s been seven months already, but yeah – she’s been single for a while. The single life, in its simplest form, has been very good to me. I’ve been able to get to know myself better by myself, I’ve been able to meet some dope new people and call them my friends, and I’ve been able to go on adventures by myself and make some cool memories just this year so far! I definitely like life the way it is now just because I’m taking care of myself and learning how to balance my top needs while still being involved in other people’s lives.

But, sometimes it does get lonely on this side of the spectrum.

When you’re in a romantic relationship, you always have a plus one to events or gatherings. If I wanted to see someone in concert, invite your partner. If I was going on a vacation, invite your partner. If I was going to a social gathering, hey – bring that partner of yours for some social support! When you’re single, you don’t always have that other person beside you to do these things, and although for the most part, I’m okay with that (I went to a concert on my own and went on vacation on my own as well and was fine for the most part), it still feels good to experience these things with a person you love.

Also, with the adult friendships you have in your life, sometimes it’s just going to be you doing these things. Sometimes it’s empowering, and sometimes it sucks. 

As a person who isn’t looking for a relationship any time soon, I still have this need to want to feel loved and give out love to those I care about. I’m just a lover, and it’s sometimes the hardest thing to be one when you got “no one to love.”

These days, though, I’m learning a lot about love; platonic love. 

It’s funny because I first learned about the existence of platonic relationships through my favorite TV show of all time, The Killing. The two main characters, Detectives Sarah Linden and Stephen Holder are partners in various crime cases in Seattle, Washington, and throughout their crime-solving, we get to know them as characters and the demons they carry around, which many crime procedurals at its time did not do. You truly fell in love with these two together because although they fought and disagreed at times, they were truly each other’s rock, and they had a love for each other that they never had with anyone else in that world. They never hooked up, kissed (well, tried), or hinted that there was a romantic aspect of their relationship. They just had a love for each other that meant more than any romantic relationship, in my opinion.

Of course, that’s television, but platonic intimacy is truly a thing.

At this point, that is the type of love I want to have for a while. I want to meet new people that I can hopefully create these close friendships with and hope that there is a mutual understanding of our boundaries and willingness to be good friends. Even when I was in a relationship, I always had a hard time differentiating the types of love I show to different categories of people because, well, I treat everyone the same way, even if that meant that my partner got some of my more “friend” type of love at times as well. Sometimes, I really ask myself if I even know how to be in a relationship because of my struggle of loving someone in a romantic aspect and if the love I truly have for other people at this point in my life is just strictly “friend love”.

Meaning: I haven’t found the one yet to be romantically with, so no matter how many relationships I have in the future if that person isn’t “the one”, I’d most likely be just giving them “friend love”, which maybe is the sign telling me about statuses of those type of relationships.

In even simple terms, I don’t want romance in the connections I have with people in my life. 

With that want and my demiromanticism, I believe that the most important relationships in my life now are my friendships, and for me to completely be myself and how my appreciation for them is having a platonic love them, which I truly do! I honestly love all of my friends and I’m so grateful to have them in my life, and these relationships are much more important to me than trying to find a romantic partner to give that love to.

So, to those that value their platonic relationships like romantic relationships, I commend you for doing so! Thank you for not being afraid of holding those relationships to the same level as you would for your romantic relationship, and I hope to be like you with my own friends one day!

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Topic Tuesdays: Random

How Liz Got Her Groove Back (in Poetry).

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Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, about a little over a year ago, I remember publishing a post on the reason why I don’t write poetry anymore. TLDR, it basically was because poetry reminded me about some dark parts of my past and the person that I was when I was writing poetry. In a way, the craft was tainted for me; I have some of my closest friends at the time tell me that I should stop writing because it wasn’t good and for a while, I listened to them. I haven’t written a single piece of poetry since 2013.

That was, until recently.

You see, poetry was a quick and artistic way of me to express how I was feeling and what was going through my mind. It was more like mental check-ins than poetry, which was just my style of poetry, but the people around me made me try even harder to seem “dope” or “cool”, hence the try-hard poetry started. Don’t get me wrong, some of those pieces are still my favorite pieces I’ve ever written, but I never wanted my writing, especially my word-vomit of poetry, to be taken so…seriously? Well, I guess so try-hard like.

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I stopped writing because I was just scared of starting again. I felt like I lost my passion for poetry after a while, and it was hard for me to just finish a piece every now and then. I don’t know why or how I got back into writing “poetry”; maybe it was just another outlet to express the things that were happening to me, but I started to just do a “iPhone note poem” every night and sharing them on my social media and the rest is history.

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In a way, writing these little poems became therapeutic on the days that I just had a lot to say but no one to say it to. Many of these poems are inspired by therapy sessions, the ones that require me to dig up old shit and think about it in order to heal from it. I’m glad that they do because every time I write something regarding a heavy topic on my mind it helps me put those feelings into words and let it out of my system. Of course, when I first started writing them, it was very hard for me to accept the fact that they weren’t so poetic as my poetry once was. These little note poems are simply just thoughts on a paper (well, phone screen); in other words, it was a very low-stakes type of writing. It meant that I wouldn’t judge myself too hard on how “good” the poem was and that the fact that I was writing again was the only thing that mattered.

So, rekindle an old passion you once had. Stop believing that your art is not good enough, it’s the fact that you’re even doing it in the first place is all that matters! We gotta stop being so hard on ourselves, especially when it comes to our craft! It’s taking me a lot of work to embrace just doing it; no judgment, no comparison, nothing that influences your want to just do it.

So, yeah. I stopped writing poetry because I thought I wasn’t a good enough writer. Now I write it because it allows my thoughts to have a voice for once.

And that’s how Liz got her groove back (in poetry).

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Overexposed: A Self-Love Project.

Overexposed: Owning My Identity.

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Identity is much more than just identity. It’s self-worth. It’s acceptance. It’s acknowledgment, It’s being loud enough to the point where you are heard and seen.

I’ve always been on the quiet side, and on the quiet side, your identity with the things that people don’t look at you for. You’re a female, you are a woman, you are heterosexual, you are “normal.”

As I got older, and as I started to feel and do things differently than I was supposed to, and even though I didn’t acknowledge these things until later on in life when I was now on my own, I am glad that I did.

Hi, my name is Liz, I came out as being demiromantic, and now I’m owning it.

Being demiromantic has still been something I haven’t vocally shared with people until just recently because, well, again I didn’t want to be judged. I didn’t want people to question my authenticity of the label, the sudden change in identity, and my “motive” into claiming it. The truth of the matter is is that things change, people evolve, and you start embracing parts of yourself you didn’t even know existed.

Like I mentioned in my “coming out” post, I feel a romantic attraction to people that I have a deep connection with; guy, girl, non-binary, no matter what sexuality you claim. It’s the human connection that drives my liking to you, but (and this is an important one) it doesn’t mean that I want to have sex with you or feel a sexual attraction to you. You can read about that in this particular post.

It’s still a part of my identity that I’m learning to embrace and get to know better. It’s something that I feel like it’s not such a huge change in my life because, well, I feel like I’ve always been this way without even knowing. I’ve always developed crushes on my best friends because, well, we had deep connections. As I got older, those crushes even carried on over with girls, but it’s never that “I’m sexually attracted to you, girl”. It’s the “your vibe is great, I like you a lot, and let’s be platonic as fuck, girl.”

So, I flirt with my girl-friends. I cautiously flirt with my cis guy friends (#boundaries). I flirt with my gay/lesbian friends. I’m the same with everyone; I’m also just the same me with everyone, and sometimes my mind just doesn’t know the difference between romantic love and platonic love because I value both so much.

I finally opened up about my demiromanticism at a happy hour gathering with two of my coworkers. Half of me believes that I was just feeling the vibes through the alcohol and announced it, but most of me believe that I’m just ready to share something like this to the people who I’m getting close to in my life. We were talking about each other’s romantic lives and when talking about “types” and just who we are into in general, I opened up and said that I’m demiromantic and “hoeing” wouldn’t necessarily work for me because my attraction in people requires more than just a “hey, how are you doing, you cute, let’s fuck” type of conversation. Of course, there isn’t anything wrong with that vibe for other people, but that isn’t just for me and that just speaks in how I identify as.

Of course, opening up about something so personal like that to my coworkers in a bar setting was nerve-wracking; you never know how people will take it, y’ know? But after saying what i had to say and let it be out in the open, they simply responded with, “I dig that.”

And that’s when I realized it’s about time I start embracing this part of my identity. Accepting it completely. Loving it completely. And the rest is history.

Owning my identity is just one of the many things that I intend to work on myself with. The core of my identity will always remain the same, but things beyond that will always be interchangeable. I may like this at one point, I may like that at another, but something like this has been such a hidden thing about me for such a long time, and I feel like this is one of those things where it’ll stay for quite some time.

This is me as of right now, at this moment, as I write this letter to you guys.

I am Liz.

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