Category: Self-Appreciation Saturdays

To the Class of 2020,

You are the first graduating class of the new decade, which already makes you a unique class. Unfortunately, this pandemic has also made you unique in ways that many others who are in line to graduate will probably not experience.

I think about my last graduation, which was in 2018. I was graduating with my master’s degree, and after two hard years of getting through that process, graduation day was the one thing that kept me going. The thought of putting my cap and gown on and celebrating with my family and other classmates in the program was the thing that made me determined to finish up my studies and get that degree. So it saddens me that this class of 2020 doesn’t have that thought to get them through these hard times of COVID-19.

Our public school graduates are not going to have the various senior activities like they’re supposed to. There’s no senior class trip, senior spirit week, prom, or graduation. There’s nothing rewarding of their hard work; it’s simply one last assignment and bam, congrats, you graduated. I can only hope that in some way, schools are doing something special for their graduates, but the fact of the reality is that it’s just not smart to try to do anything in person, and that’s the sad part. It’s discouraging, and it makes you feel like your hard work went to waste.

Don’t let this pandemic take that away from you. Don’t allow not going out to celebrate influence you not celebrating at all. Celebrate with your friends on video chat. Have a celebratory drink, college grads! Throw a FaceTime prom with your friends, public school grads! Be creative and take back the excitement that you had for your graduation year, and remain positive during a tough time like this.

If no one has told you guys this due to the worries of COVID-19, then let me say it: CONGRATS TO YOU GUYS, YOU FUCKING MADE IT AND I’M PROUD OF YOU ALL! I think of this year’s MA grads from the program I came from; some of them were in the class I TA’ed for when they first started out so they hold a special place in my heart! Please take this time to be so proud of yourself and let the negativity go somewhere else because it doesn’t belong in your parade!

Stay strong, Class of 2020.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, the other day I was talking to my friend, Anthony, and he was telling me that he’s been at his current job at the college we work at for about two years. In retrospect, it made me think just how fast time truly flies; two years ago, I graduated grad school with my MA, and shortly after my graduation, I was officially diagnosed with social anxiety disorder (SAD).

Actually, it was on this day two years ago. 

Living with a social anxiety disorder wasn’t the easiest thing at the beginning. For most of my summer in 2018, I tried to familiarize myself with my anxiety and tried to understand what it meant for me. Anxiety, especially on the clinical level, looks different for a lot of people, which meant that my case wasn’t going to look like the next person who deals with SAD as well. I spent that summer fearing my anxiety. I was having anxiety attacks like crazy, and I was starting to get anxiety about having anxiety. In many ways, it was affecting my ability to keep the relationships in my life balanced and healthy; it was something I had to introduce to a group of people who never heard the words” I have social anxiety disorder” come out of my mouth.

It took a lot of therapy and various tries of medication to finally embrace the fact that I deal with this level of anxiety. Although it does not define me, it plays a major role in my life. At the beginning, it was hard to explain this newfound thing to others without it sounding like my anxiety was a burden, but it was in the early stages of it. I’ve had anxiety attacks, I was afraid of leaving my house, I was losing myself after I graduated grad school, and I felt alone during the process.

I’ve tried various things to help gain back control of my body, and one of them was writing a letter to my anxiety and eltting it know that I am my own body, and my anxiety doesn’t dictate what my body does. It took a really long time and a lot of soul searching to finally come to terms with that. SAD is just something I have, not who I am.

Having SAD meant that I wasn’t great at meeting new people and going out to social gatherings. In the few social gatherings I attended before therapy, I would get extremely nervous and panicky and then come home and just cry in embarrassment. It happened once. After getting therapy and starting to reflect on my patterns and behaviors, I’ve made it a mission to start going out some more, make new friends in the process, and stop living my life in fear of everything.

Last year, I was able to get a retail job at my college’s bookstore, having to interact with students and be in customer service was a whole new challenge for my anxiety, but it was surprisingly something I adapted to relatively quick. To some extent, I even became good at talking to students and customers and interacting with them to the point that I even made a friend with one of the regulars that come into the store! Also, I was able to build friendships with my co-workers and unapologetically be myself without feeling like I was being judged.

In hindsight, my SAD has made me do some self-reflection and it’s required me to take the time out of my life to finally deal with the things I kept pushing to the back of my head and ignoring it. It’s been a lot of work, but two years later I’m at a place where I’ve been doing better than I’ve been in the last couple of years.

I’m finally at a place in my life where I feel like I’ve gained the peace I’ve been looking for since I was 21. I feel like I have such a better understanding of myself and my own behaviors that it’s been a while since my anxiety did something to make me feel fearful or worried. Sure, every now and then I get mini attacks; the last one was on my first night in Florida a couple of months ago but it was nothing too serious.

So, here’s to see how much growth year three has in store for me. I hope that this time next year that I’m making even bigger and better moves, and that I face more challenges to encourage my growth. SAD is just something that travel with me daily and comes out whenever I need the extra caution but other than that, I got that bitch under control. 

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

During the time I’m writing this, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo announced that the state is expecting to reopen regions that meet the criteria starting May 15th. With the number of hospitalizations and deaths going down as of April 20th, we are expecting to try to “unpause” the city and state, in hopes that the worst is behind us and that we can all slowly go back to our daily lives with some now special guidelines until there is a vaccine to treat COVID-19.

While that’s great to hear and I believe all of us are excited to at least walk out of our houses without everything being closed and deserted, I believe this time away from society has taught us some valuable lessons about how we treat ourselves, treat each other, and just how much alike our basic wants and needs are in life.

We learned that in times like this, the only thing we could control during theses times is our physical and our mental health. The only thing we can do to make sure we are physically healthy is to continue following the rules mandated by our governors. Mentally, the only thing we could do is take care of ourselves and make sure we are practicing enough self-care to get us through the days. In the beginning, it was difficult for me to find the time and space that was just my own; being in my apartment with the rest of my family eliminated that needed time just for myself. But just like everything else in life, I found ways and adapted to what was happening around me. I found my quiet space with a pair of headphones and my writing. Whatever your quiet space is, embrace it and use it as long as you need to during this time.

We learned that the way we live from this day forward will be a little different than it was prior to this pandemic, and we have to accept it no matter what. If that means masks are now a part of the attire until scientists develop a vaccine for COVID-19, then it’s just something we should practice for the sake of our communities, and those we love most. In comparison to the last traumatic event to hit NYC, 9/11, the numbers of deaths surpassed the ones that we tragically lost 19 years ago, and that major event changed the world as we know it. This virus is changing the world as we know it, and remember it’s for the better.

Most importantly, we learned the importance of support and the relationships we have with the people in our lives. Normally, we’re all always on the go and busy with our lives; sometimes we forget to check on the people we love and care about the most! With this time, it’s so important to keep in touch with those people; we are all going through this tough time and we all need the little extra love and support from one another. Sooner or later, we will all be back seeing each other in person, enjoying each other’s company, and giving each other the biggest hugs we possibly could. That’s the one thing I truly miss about my daily routine with my friends!

We all learned a lot during this quarantine time; whether we used our time to be creative or to take care of ourselves by resting, we all learned that we are stronger than we think we are and that we will all get through this difficult time.

Keep going and keep strong, everyone!

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

How has everyone been doing? I know we all wish to go out and enjoy this beautiful weather, but the quicker we stay in and stay safe, the sooner we will be able to go back to our normal lives.

But for the time being, people are getting creative. From video chat happy hours to playing games with your friends through FaceTime and Zoom, to even celebrating birthdays on video chats; people are making sure to let those who matter to them are loved and missed during this time of social distancing. Individually, people are taking time to work on projects and develop new skills now that we all have the extra time to ourselves. Personally, I like to stay as productive as possible, so whether it’s me writing for LFL or for my journal article or learning Korean on Duolingo, I’m trying to keep myself as busy as possible because for my personal mental health.

And that’s the thing: not everyone has the energy during this time to keep themselves busy. Some people cope with negative things differently, and if that means they are watching TV and taking naps throughout the day, then let them be.

 

 

Sure, it feels good for your body chemically when you keep it in a routine and active, but it’s also natural for the body to want to relax, y’all. Just because we have more than enough time for us to relax, it doesn’t mean that it’s a damn sin for us to want to.

Yes, it’s not a normal society right now. Yes, our routine of school, work, and productivity have changed, and we so desperately want that back in our lives, but please – don’t knock the people who are taking this time to rest.

At the end of the day, you don’t know what goes on in these people’s lives well enough for you to judge and call them losers because they are making, creating, or building something. You don’t know if these people are depressed because their family member is in the hospital right now fighting for their lives. You don’t know if the environment these people live is toxic for their mental health, and isolating themselves to get their mind out of their dark space is the only way to feel better for a bit. You don’t know if these people who rest are essential workers, risking their lives to be of service for you guys at home. You simply don’t know, so you have no say in what they should or should not do. 

Personally, I have my days where I’m perfectly fine; I’m able to get up out of bed, work on a couple of posts for the blog, clean up my personal spaces, even paint my nails and keep my personal appearance in check. Then there are other days when the only source of my happiness is listening to Kpop music, watching VLIVE or YouTube, and stay in my bed all day without any interaction because, well, my body doesn’t feel like doing a damn thing. Of course, my mind always makes me feel bad that I’m not doing anything and working on something, but I constantly have to remind myself that during this time, it’s okay if I’m not always “on.” Honestly, who is actually on 24/7 during a time like this?

So take care of yourself during this time. Don’t believe what the internet is saying about how you should be spending this time. Just going through this difficult time is enough.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz.

I hope no matter where you are in this world that you are safe, healthy, and getting through this difficult time.

Having this time to unwind and spend some time with myself, I figured it would be best to reflect on some of the things I’ve accomplished since I made it my mission to learn how to forgive myself, my past, the people in it, and move on from it.

For starters, I’ve been actively talking about my past to my therapist during our sessions to get a better understanding of what happened and find more efficient ways to let it go and not affect me to the same capacity as it does currently. It’s been extremely helpful these last couple of months; it’s allowed me to reopen some wounds of my past and think about it with a more rationalized mindset and learn that what happened then isn’t a reflection on who I am now and that it’s okay to forgive the person that I was in my past. Of course, it’s definitely easier said than done and something to this magnitude doesn’t just fix itself overnight; it’s going to take a lot more talks and self-reflection to get to a place that I’m completely okay with everything that’s happened.

I’ve also been learning how to do things on my own without feeling like I shouldn’t do them or I have to be with someone in order to do it. In January, I went to see ITZY in concert at the King’s Theatre by myself and it was an experience I’m so glad that I went ahead to do it.

It was something that was a first for me to do, and of course, I had my doubts of wanting to do something big like this on my own, but as much as I’m learning to move on from my past, I am learning to use this new chapter of my life to be more independent and to make decisions for myself, by myself, and without anyone tell me what’s right or wrong because their opinion just doesn’t fucking matter. 

Speaking of making my own decisions, I decided to reach out to an old friend that I cut ties with years ago due to the situation I was in. I was very much afraid to speak up for myself and say no to a lot of people in my life. That resulted in either me having people in my life that took advantage of my kindness or allowed people to believe that I would do anything for them, whether that meant to put my priorities, morals, and values on the back-burner. So, when I finally to analyze my behavior and patterns and whatnot, I started to make decisions that I felt right.

So, about a week or so, I apologized to an old friend for disappearing on them years ago, and that they always meant a lot to me. I’m glad I did such a major thing like that because it truly spoke about my morals and values in life and that this was just one thing that I really wanted to make right, whether or not we rekindle our friendship. As long as I’m willingly holding my past self responsible for the decisions she made, I’m able to make healthy and wise decisions in the present day.

The point of this check-in is that no matter where you may be in life and no matter where life may take you, always make sure you have the right mindset and stay focused on the things you’re working on. This whole self-quarantine thing for COVID-19 has challenged me to not completely indulge in the craziness that may be happening in the house. It’s also challenged me to constantly stay focused on the things that take priority in my life, and right now that’s practicing forgiveness and working on positive ways to keep my anxiety and depression in place. Whether or not you need a check-up on yourself, it’s important to always take a step back and reflect on what’s happening in hand.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Time is different for everyone, even though we all have the same amount of it each day. we wake up, we either go to school or work, we come home, we do whatever primetime activities we want to do, and then we sleep to then do it again the next day. Of course, we all spend our time differently, and it’s completely up to the individual how they do it within their 24 hours of the day.

I say that because there’s no time limit when we’re ready to do things in life and when we move on from past chapters in life. The limit does not exist. 

I’ve been single for seven months and although I’m very happy having more me time than I had in the past couple of years, I do find myself feeling like I’m ready to move on from that chapter in my life and get myself out there some more. No, I can’t do a hoe phase because it’s not who I am and because I am demiromantic, it simply just means that I’m ready to get to know new people, create deep emotional connections with them, and just experience that whole new crush-like, getting to know a new person feeling again. Because the duration of my last relationship was long, I realize that it’s been a long ass time since I even, like, flirted with a cute guy for-realsies, and just experiencing that whole process of liking someone’s vibe and the connection they have with you.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m ready to start having some romantic interests again.

Dating? We’ll see.

Now I’m not saying that I’m about to hop on dating sites and try to find something serious on there. Again, online dating just isn’t my cup of tea, but also I’m not looking for another serious relationship anytime soon. Can it happen? Sure, if it’s the right one, but it’s something that’s not in the “within the year” plan I have for myself. What’s in that plan is to just start feeling the vibes with new people and new romantic interests and take life for what it is, y’ know?

So, what does that have to do with the art of moving forward?

Well, everything I said is nice to see on paper but to put it into action, it’s taken me quite some time to do something about it.

I just have this dilemma between my mind and heart and what it truly is ready for. After being in such a long relationship, it’s normal to feel like when’s the right time to move on from a part of your life that was your identity for almost half of your life. It’s like you’re betraying all that time when you finally feel ready to move on, and it’s normal to feel that way! People take years before they find another romantic interest and get into relationships, and most of that time is spent on finding yourself, making memories with your friends and loved ones, truly living your best life and when that right person comes into the picture, they will.

The thing is, there’s never a definite answer on when is it time to move forward from the past. Some people hold onto their past relationships for years on end, and some people let them go once they are gone; that’s completely okay!

Now can someone tell my mind that and stop judging me for doing it.

The art of moving forward is that you never know when it’s happening. You don’t just wake up one morning and say “wow, this chapter is over and I’m officially moving forward!” It’s one of those entities in this world that we as people don’t have control over. It just happens.

I think my knowingness that I’m moving toward moving forward (she’s not fully there yet) when I finally starting to be okay looking at other guys and just admiring them from afar without feeling guilty or a that I’m betraying what I used to have in my past. It’s simply a new chapter in life, and I deserve happiness and new beginnings like we all do. I have to keep telling myself that and that moving forward doesn’t discredit anything that happened in the past or anything that you shared with people in the past. People come and go, and they do so for many reasons. 

So, this is me moving forward – hopefully, the transition is a smooth and enlightening one.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, as many of my readers may know, I’ve been single for quite some time. Can’t believe it’s been seven months already, but yeah – she’s been single for a while. The single life, in its simplest form, has been very good to me. I’ve been able to get to know myself better by myself, I’ve been able to meet some dope new people and call them my friends, and I’ve been able to go on adventures by myself and make some cool memories just this year so far! I definitely like life the way it is now just because I’m taking care of myself and learning how to balance my top needs while still being involved in other people’s lives.

But, sometimes it does get lonely on this side of the spectrum.

When you’re in a romantic relationship, you always have a plus one to events or gatherings. If I wanted to see someone in concert, invite your partner. If I was going on a vacation, invite your partner. If I was going to a social gathering, hey – bring that partner of yours for some social support! When you’re single, you don’t always have that other person beside you to do these things, and although for the most part, I’m okay with that (I went to a concert on my own and went on vacation on my own as well and was fine for the most part), it still feels good to experience these things with a person you love.

Also, with the adult friendships you have in your life, sometimes it’s just going to be you doing these things. Sometimes it’s empowering, and sometimes it sucks. 

As a person who isn’t looking for a relationship any time soon, I still have this need to want to feel loved and give out love to those I care about. I’m just a lover, and it’s sometimes the hardest thing to be one when you got “no one to love.”

These days, though, I’m learning a lot about love; platonic love. 

It’s funny because I first learned about the existence of platonic relationships through my favorite TV show of all time, The Killing. The two main characters, Detectives Sarah Linden and Stephen Holder are partners in various crime cases in Seattle, Washington, and throughout their crime-solving, we get to know them as characters and the demons they carry around, which many crime procedurals at its time did not do. You truly fell in love with these two together because although they fought and disagreed at times, they were truly each other’s rock, and they had a love for each other that they never had with anyone else in that world. They never hooked up, kissed (well, tried), or hinted that there was a romantic aspect of their relationship. They just had a love for each other that meant more than any romantic relationship, in my opinion.

Of course, that’s television, but platonic intimacy is truly a thing.

At this point, that is the type of love I want to have for a while. I want to meet new people that I can hopefully create these close friendships with and hope that there is a mutual understanding of our boundaries and willingness to be good friends. Even when I was in a relationship, I always had a hard time differentiating the types of love I show to different categories of people because, well, I treat everyone the same way, even if that meant that my partner got some of my more “friend” type of love at times as well. Sometimes, I really ask myself if I even know how to be in a relationship because of my struggle of loving someone in a romantic aspect and if the love I truly have for other people at this point in my life is just strictly “friend love”.

Meaning: I haven’t found the one yet to be romantically with, so no matter how many relationships I have in the future if that person isn’t “the one”, I’d most likely be just giving them “friend love”, which maybe is the sign telling me about statuses of those type of relationships.

In even simple terms, I don’t want romance in the connections I have with people in my life. 

With that want and my demiromanticism, I believe that the most important relationships in my life now are my friendships, and for me to completely be myself and how my appreciation for them is having a platonic love them, which I truly do! I honestly love all of my friends and I’m so grateful to have them in my life, and these relationships are much more important to me than trying to find a romantic partner to give that love to.

So, to those that value their platonic relationships like romantic relationships, I commend you for doing so! Thank you for not being afraid of holding those relationships to the same level as you would for your romantic relationship, and I hope to be like you with my own friends one day!

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, ya girl is learning a lot these days. She’s learning how to budget her money responsibly (even though she did buy 6 albums within the last couple of weeks), she’s learning how to simply embrace the things she enjoys (i.e tons of KPop music, sense of humor, style), and she’s learning a couple of things about having adult friendships.

Also, she’s gotta stop referring to herself in the third person. 

The thing about friendships is that I haven’t had many of them within a couple of years. The last group of people I had as close friends were the ones I had during my senior year of college in my acting class; it’s actually where I met the most real one out there, Tori! I’ve had a couple of friends within the last couple of years, but with my social anxiety and fear of keeping friends, I always ended up disappearing.

This time, I’m trying my hardest to not let that happen again and to actually develop some meaningful, long-lasting friendships.

Of course, that comes with learning about adult friendships in the first place.

What made having friends as a teenager so easy was that we were always at the same place at the same time for five days a week. Sure, we knew other people outside our friend group and such, but for the most part, your friends were your friends and you were your friends’ friends. The only distance between you guys was possibly the fact that you lived a couple of avenues and streets away from one another. 

But, as I got older, keeping friendships was a really hard thing for me. Not only was I in a situation where I was cautious of having friends, I just lost touch with the people in my life because I have this fear that I’m easily forgotten… I’m working on that! After a while, I just stopped having friends altogether, and it wasn’t until recently since I started to make some friends again!

So even though I’m very respectful and honest about my boundaries with the people in my life, I sometimes have a hard time understanding how boundaries work in adult friendships.

Adults have lives. They are in romantic relationships, they have other friends in their lives and honestly adult friendships have their own side of unique issues than it does when you’re a teenager. For starters, keeping in touch plays a huge role in adult relationships; your friends are not around the block to constantly see you in person and hang out. My closest (and for a while; only) friend lived in Pennsylvania for a year before she packed up her life and moved to Florida, so our long-distance friendship only works if we keep in touch and keep a presence in each other’s lives. For me, that includes sending out holiday/birthday cards to her, keeping her in the loop of the juicy gossip in my life, and supporting her creative outlets.

Another thing is that many adult friendships mean that these people have significant others or a family in their lives. Tori is engaged, half of my girl coworkers are in long-term relationships, and yes, even guy friends are in relationships as well. While I treat everyone pretty much the same because I am not the type to transform into different people for different people, I realize that yeah, even in friendships, especially adult friendships, have different tiers.

It’s about school friends, life-long friends, work friends, etc. – people fit into different categories in your life and depending on the relationship you have with them, your willingness to share things about yourself varies. In other words, things that your life-long friends know about you are not the same things that your work friends know about you. 

I don’t have that boundary with the people in my life, and that’s not always the greatest thing.

While I don’t mean any harm with the people in my life, there is just some level of boundaries you have to have with them. For example, the things I may share with my managers in casual conversation will not be so deep as the conversations I have with the other booksellers at the job. It’s just the level of professionalism and position that creates that boundary for you. New friends in my life shouldn’t know my autobiography within the first week of knowing each other, which yes, I’m aware that with some people in my life as of now, I did share some things way too quickly.

But, it’s about respecting the boundaries and voicing those boundaries, especially with friends of the opposite sex that are in relationships. Not only do I have to remain conversation on a friend level, but I have to also consider the friend’s partner and what they may think of when certain things are shared with me. It’s just having that reassurance that I’m in my lane, staying within my boundaries, making platonic relationships with new people.

Boundaries are not just things you have with people you are in romantic relationships with; they are present in all different relationships! They don’t exist because you shouldn’t trust people blah blah blah, but they’re used as healthy ways to respect yourself and your worth and show others that you will only accept that same level of respect from them and nothing less. That was preachy word-vomit, sorry!

So, have some boundaries and be honest about them, then the actual fun friendship with people begins. 🙂

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, I’m in a pickle as I write this; I’m currently in this dilemma where I’m deciding when will I be ready to put myself out there again. Although I like my time to be spent on myself while I’m in this self-discovery journey, I still need to challenge my social skills and willingness to want to meet new people; romantically and socially.

As I’m learning how to be a little more confident with myself in a social sense, I’m realizing that I’m actually a pretty confident person when it comes to my personality. I feel like I’m a caring, fun, loving person that is able to communicate with people; I honestly have to thank my co-workers and the customers I encounter on a daily basis at my job. Sure, I have my awkward ass moments and sudden social anxiety freak-outs, but with practice and daily encounters, I’ve become confident with my personality.

Now, you’d think that because I’m confident with my personality, I wouldn’t let my personal views on my body affect me and my willingness to put myself out there, right? Completely wrong. Although I don’t consider myself a superficial person and will give anyone with a good vibe and kindness a chance, we live in a society where 90% of people are first attracted and intrigued by looks. Of course, I wouldn’t want someone in my life that just thought I was pretty and nothing else, but to literally start from scratch and put myself out there in a world where looks are a huge factor in society, it’s scary.

I started my Overexposed series on the blog to highlight some major parts in my life regarding my way and finding ways to love and embrace myself in my skin and to some extent I do. I’m okay with my body, I’m okay with how she jiggles, how round she is, and how she is built. But, that doesn’t mean there are people out there that do.

Also, let me just say this: I’m getting weight-loss surgery to be “beautiful” or “more appealing” to society. I’m doing it for my health.

In my twisted mind, I believe the relationships, lovers, – whatever you call them – happened out of luck. These people liked me for who I was and not how I looked like, but then also tell myself that all the bad things happened in them because they didn’t like the way I looked. Of course, I know that’s just me doing some irrational thinking and that’s not true, but maybe that’s just my opinion on how I believe other people see me: ugly, fat, the girl you don’t really love because of how she looks.

So, it’s going to be a journey to get my mind out of that thinking. It’s going to take a lot of breaking things down and embracing some imperfections in order to feel like my personality overshines the way I look, whether or not I’m fat or “thinner”. It’s so much easier to say that you are a good person and not feel insecure when being introduced to a new person, but maybe how I got confident in my personality it just takes some practice.

So if you’re feeling like no one would take interest in you because your looks are not what society’s standards are, it doesn’t mean that no one will like you. Your personality should do the talking, and the insecurities you feel about your body should not take center stage when you’re meeting new people. The more confident you are with yourself, the more people will love you for your inner beauty!

Forget about your body, you’re still beautiful, babe.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

How’s everyone doing thus far in February? We are officially at the halfway point of the month and I hope no matter how your month has been for you that the latter part of the month turns out good!

Boy; has this month been a ride and a good one at that!

So, there’s been a lot of work being done with my social skills now that I feel comfortable being social with new people. The true first step was when I applied to my current job as a bookseller and had to interact with dozens of customers on a daily basis, which gradually came to me making friends out of my coworkers, me being able to go out with them like a big, social butterfly, and also even making bold moves in order to develop new friendships because I want to make them it’s just–

Y’all, my social anxiety is shooketh.

It’s amazing to see myself at this stage in my life because it’s something I thought I was capable of doing. Sure, it took a lot of therapy sessions and hard decisions to be where I’m at, but it was honestly so worth it. To agree to go out with a couple of friends and to even be openly honest with people I’ve met in the course of the last six months is mind-blowing.

Each and every day, I am beating anxiety’s ass up, y’all.

And I want to be an inspiration for the people who feel like they could never get back out there and start meeting new people because their social anxiety has taken over their bodies. I was once in that position – shoot – sometimes I’m still in that position! There’s no doubt that the little negative voice in my head tells me I said or done the wrong thing in a situation and that I don’t deserve anything good in life, but it’s gotten better. I’ve gotten past the point of self-doubting my every decision and just decided that so fucking what if things go wrong? it doesn’t hurt to try things out. You honestly never know the outcome of something if you don’t try it out, and that’s what keeps me going.

That’s what keeps me going to have this want of creating new relationships: that being social and being yourself with people who vibe with you well and give you some great energy is such a great feeling. You never know the type of people you’ll meet if you don’t put yourself out there! I recently met a really cool person from campus that literally has some of the same interests as me, which never friggin’ happened in my life, and I wouldn’t have known that or got that connection with another person if I wasn’t bold enough to pursue this person as a friend.

I’m slowly learning that the only way to beat your social anxiety is to challenge it: challenge your fears, challenge that inner voice in your head that is hoping you fail, literally challenge everything that is telling you that you can’t do it. Because you can, and do it so friggin’ well. 

So take that chance, you honestly have nothing to lose! The only thing you’re losing out on is a new opportunity to make some new memories and some new adventures.