Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz.
I hope no matter where you are in this world that you are safe, healthy, and getting through this difficult time.
Having this time to unwind and spend some time with myself, I figured it would be best to reflect on some of the things I’ve accomplished since I made it my mission to learn how to forgive myself, my past, the people in it, and move on from it.
For starters, I’ve been actively talking about my past to my therapist during our sessions to get a better understanding of what happened and find more efficient ways to let it go and not affect me to the same capacity as it does currently. It’s been extremely helpful these last couple of months; it’s allowed me to reopen some wounds of my past and think about it with a more rationalized mindset and learn that what happened then isn’t a reflection on who I am now and that it’s okay to forgive the person that I was in my past. Of course, it’s definitely easier said than done and something to this magnitude doesn’t just fix itself overnight; it’s going to take a lot more talks and self-reflection to get to a place that I’m completely okay with everything that’s happened.
I’ve also been learning how to do things on my own without feeling like I shouldn’t do them or I have to be with someone in order to do it. In January, I went to see ITZY in concert at the King’s Theatre by myself and it was an experience I’m so glad that I went ahead to do it.
It was something that was a first for me to do, and of course, I had my doubts of wanting to do something big like this on my own, but as much as I’m learning to move on from my past, I am learning to use this new chapter of my life to be more independent and to make decisions for myself, by myself, and without anyone tell me what’s right or wrong because their opinion just doesn’t fucking matter.
Speaking of making my own decisions, I decided to reach out to an old friend that I cut ties with years ago due to the situation I was in. I was very much afraid to speak up for myself and say no to a lot of people in my life. That resulted in either me having people in my life that took advantage of my kindness or allowed people to believe that I would do anything for them, whether that meant to put my priorities, morals, and values on the back-burner. So, when I finally to analyze my behavior and patterns and whatnot, I started to make decisions that I felt right.
So, about a week or so, I apologized to an old friend for disappearing on them years ago, and that they always meant a lot to me. I’m glad I did such a major thing like that because it truly spoke about my morals and values in life and that this was just one thing that I really wanted to make right, whether or not we rekindle our friendship. As long as I’m willingly holding my past self responsible for the decisions she made, I’m able to make healthy and wise decisions in the present day.
The point of this check-in is that no matter where you may be in life and no matter where life may take you, always make sure you have the right mindset and stay focused on the things you’re working on. This whole self-quarantine thing for COVID-19 has challenged me to not completely indulge in the craziness that may be happening in the house. It’s also challenged me to constantly stay focused on the things that take priority in my life, and right now that’s practicing forgiveness and working on positive ways to keep my anxiety and depression in place. Whether or not you need a check-up on yourself, it’s important to always take a step back and reflect on what’s happening in hand.