“Jamie.” I heard Grace call out my name. I turned around and see her extending her arm out at me, helping her along the path toward the pier. It was a beautiful Spring morning in upstate; warmer than we expected for the end of April. I grabbed her hand and guided her down the path. She catches her breath once she’s next to me. “Are we almost near the pier?”
“We are,” I smiled as I said, pointing towards the beginning of the pier. The water of the Hudson River sparkled in the sunrise, making this moment extra special. Hand in hand, Grace slowly walked closer to the pier, taking in the sight in front of us. I couldn’t stop looking at Grace; her hair moving in each direction from the slight wind, and her oversized cardigan makes Maki show even more. I can’t believe that I’m going to be a father in a few short weeks.
I never thought starting a family was destined for me a couple of years ago. Not only did my job take a lot of my time, I simply couldn’t think about starting one with anyone else besides Grace. It was like the first time seeing her in New York all those years ago solidified that need. I knew from there that Grace was the one I wanted to experience all of that with.
Grace catches me staring at her a little too long. Her giggle makes me snap out of my thoughts, focusing on the present day again.
“What?” I asked.
“You were staring at me with that look again,” Grace teased.
“What look?”
“That look you give when you are thinking about the future.” Grace was beginning to pick up on the facial expressions I make for different thought processes I had. It was getting harder to tell her some fib, especially when the future I was thinking of was Grace and I being more than just mom and dad, but also wife and husband.
“Of course,” I play along, swinging her arm as we walked. “I am thinking about the moment I get to see Maki for the first time ever.”
“The very first time? I don’t know if the first image you want to see of our daughter is her covered in everything going on inside. Leave it to Grace to be openly honest about every little thing.
“Well, I didn’t think so explicitly,” I laughed as I responded. “I thought more so of the first moment she’s wrapped up in a blanket, in your arms for the first time.”
“Oh I can relate,” Grace began to say as she smiled at me. “I look forward to seeing you hold Maki in your arms for the first time ever.”
“Ya,” I playfully said with a growing smile. “You’re going to get me all nervous.” Grace looked at me once we got to the rear of the pier. Grace slowly sits down on the pier, groaning in relief once she is off her feet. I sit next to her, watching Grace swing her feet on the edge.
“Jamie?” Grace softly said. It made me turn my head to her, giving her my full attention. She looked a little sullen. “Is it bad to say that sometimes, I think about what if we decided to… you know… be parents to that baby all those years ago? How life would be like right now for us?” I looked at Grace, taking in this heavy question. I don’t let Grace know that the thought has come up a few times since Maki came along. I simply just don’t want Grace to regret her decision, especially considering the circumstances. I wasn’t even ready, reflecting back on it now.
“No,” I simply answered. “It’s a completely normal thought to have. I understand why it comes up now; we can’t imagine our lives without Maki now.”
“Is it bad to have not felt that way the first time?”
“You were a different person back then. You weren’t ready, and you based your decision on that factor knowing it was the most important one.”
“Important factor?” Grace repeated.
“The factor being that you knew you wouldn’t be able to properly give your unconditional love and true self into that child.” Talking about this was something I wasn’t expecting. I don’t even remember the last time we did; not because we avoid speaking about it, but it was something that we both knew was the right decision. I wouldn’t be sitting on this pier with the woman of my dreams, and the mother of my child.
“I tell myself that it was the right decision to make simply because we didn’t know if we were ever going to make it.” Grace admitted. I placed my hand on her thigh, rubbing it for reassurance, and for confirmation that what she believes is correct.
“It’s the right thing to tell yourself, jagiya. That had to happen in order for us to believe that we were going to make it back to each other.” Grace smiles and kisses me on the lips, feeling like our first kiss all over again. She looks back up at me, looking deep into my eyes. “Mwo?”
“Sometimes when I look at you, I wonder how did I get so lucky to have a man like you, to love me?” Grace admitted. I feel my face getting hot, taken back by her lovely words.
“Because he is undoubtedly, madly in love with a woman like you, and to have her love me back.” I kissed her lips softly, caressing her neck to deepen it. She opened her eyes and looked at me. I swear, I saw hearts as her pupils. I take Grace’s curly had and place it behind her ears before slowly getting up, resting myself casually on one knee.
“Jagiya,” I began to say. She turned her head toward my direction, focusing on me. “I want to tell you a story.”
“A story?”
“A story about the day I knew you were the one.” Grace’s eyebrows cock up, seeming off-guard there. “It was the day you came hiking with me in Taehwagang, on the anniversary of my dad’s passing.” Grace’s eyes softened, yet so attentive to me. “That was the first time I ever invited someone to hike on that path with me. For years, I felt like he was still there with me, until the day you came. It was like a sign from my father, telling me you were the only one to ever make that day easy for you. I left Taehwagang, knowing that there was no way for me to not feel how I feel about you. All I knew to feel around you was absolute love.”
“Jamie,” Grace said as she wipes for fallen tears.
“But, it was also those very first times at the cafe. There was always something about you, Grace. And since then, I feel like this was something I always thought about asking you.” I reached into my right pocket, taking out a tiny baby blue box. Grace gasped, holding her mouth in shock.
“Jamie,” Grace said again, now reacting to what was happening.
“And you always knew that it was you that I wanted to call my wife in the future.” I slowly opened the box, revealing the engagement ring I’ve saved up for in the last year and a half since being back in New York. I knew I was coming back to New York with the intent of marrying Grace one day. I just never knew that it would feel so definite as it does now.
“Grace Renee Ashmore, will you give me the honor to finally make you my wife?”
As I begin to take the ring out of the box, Grace finally speaks.
“Ask me.”
I was confused. “Ask you?”
“In Korean.” I couldn’t up but smile at her request. I take her left hand, holding her ring with my fingers. I hovered the ring over her ring finger, looking back up at her.
“jagiya, nalang gyeolhonhae jullae?” I smiled as I asked again. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes,” Grace quickly said as she nodded her head in excitement. It made me laugh, realizing just how much Grace has thought about this moment. It was like she was waiting on me to confirm that we both wanted this for us. I slowly slid the ring on her finger; a gold, princess cut band with a singular red ruby in the middle, surround by two tiny ones. It looked amazing on her.
She took a moment to admire the ring in her finger. She was crying tears of joy, laughing through the happy moment.
“We’re… we’re really getting married,” Grace finally said out loud. It sounded surreal to hear.
“Finally,” I teased. Grace playfully hits my arm as I laugh. I couldn’t help but lean in towards Grace’s jawline, gently giving her a kiss. “I get to call you my beautiful wife.”
“That sounds pretty good rolling off the tip of your tongue,” Grace flirted, grabbing my face and shoves her lips onto mine. This moment almost feels like the very first time we kissed. The fire, the passion, and the excitement to see what the future held for us. Even after all these years, I am still so in love with her.
“Why don’t we take our celebration back to the cabin?” I teased, biting the bottom of her lip. A quick moan escapes from her mouth into mine, deepening the lustful kiss.
“Another amazing idea from my fiancé.”
I lifted Grace up in my arms, carrying her back to the cabin. She wrapped her arms around my neck, nothing but a huge smile on her face.
If you were to ask me a year and a half ago—traveling to Incheon for a 5:00AM flight to JFK, in hopes that when I got back to New York, she knew I was here for her—that Grace and I would be waking up on our last day of our babymoon, returning back to the city engaged? I wouldn’t believe you.
These next couple of months were the true test of Grace and I’s relationship. The initial engagement was magical, and the excitement to announce it to our friends and family took us over. We were simply on cloud nine that day, and love was the only thing that was on my mind.
Letters From Liz. 