Identity is much more than just identity. It’s self-worth. It’s acceptance. It’s acknowledgment, It’s being loud enough to the point where you are heard and seen.
I’ve always been on the quiet side, and on the quiet side, your identity with the things that people don’t look at you for. You’re a female, you are a woman, you are heterosexual, you are “normal.”
As I got older, and as I started to feel and do things differently than I was supposed to, and even though I didn’t acknowledge these things until later on in life when I was now on my own, I am glad that I did.
Hi, my name is Liz, I came out as being demiromantic, and now I’m owning it.
Being demiromantic has still been something I haven’t vocally shared with people until just recently because, well, again I didn’t want to be judged. I didn’t want people to question my authenticity of the label, the sudden change in identity, and my “motive” into claiming it. The truth of the matter is is that things change, people evolve, and you start embracing parts of yourself you didn’t even know existed.
Like I mentioned in my “coming out” post, I feel a romantic attraction to people that I have a deep connection with; guy, girl, non-binary, no matter what sexuality you claim. It’s the human connection that drives my liking to you, but (and this is an important one) it doesn’t mean that I want to have sex with you or feel a sexual attraction to you. You can read about that in this particular post.
It’s still a part of my identity that I’m learning to embrace and get to know better. It’s something that I feel like it’s not such a huge change in my life because, well, I feel like I’ve always been this way without even knowing. I’ve always developed crushes on my best friends because, well, we had deep connections. As I got older, those crushes even carried on over with girls, but it’s never that “I’m sexually attracted to you, girl”. It’s the “your vibe is great, I like you a lot, and let’s be platonic as fuck, girl.”
So, I flirt with my girl-friends. I cautiously flirt with my cis guy friends (#boundaries). I flirt with my gay/lesbian friends. I’m the same with everyone; I’m also just the same me with everyone, and sometimes my mind just doesn’t know the difference between romantic love and platonic love because I value both so much.
I finally opened up about my demiromanticism at a happy hour gathering with two of my coworkers. Half of me believes that I was just feeling the vibes through the alcohol and announced it, but most of me believe that I’m just ready to share something like this to the people who I’m getting close to in my life. We were talking about each other’s romantic lives and when talking about “types” and just who we are into in general, I opened up and said that I’m demiromantic and “hoeing” wouldn’t necessarily work for me because my attraction in people requires more than just a “hey, how are you doing, you cute, let’s fuck” type of conversation. Of course, there isn’t anything wrong with that vibe for other people, but that isn’t just for me and that just speaks in how I identify as.
Of course, opening up about something so personal like that to my coworkers in a bar setting was nerve-wracking; you never know how people will take it, y’ know? But after saying what i had to say and let it be out in the open, they simply responded with, “I dig that.”
And that’s when I realized it’s about time I start embracing this part of my identity. Accepting it completely. Loving it completely. And the rest is history.
Owning my identity is just one of the many things that I intend to work on myself with. The core of my identity will always remain the same, but things beyond that will always be interchangeable. I may like this at one point, I may like that at another, but something like this has been such a hidden thing about me for such a long time, and I feel like this is one of those things where it’ll stay for quite some time.
This is me as of right now, at this moment, as I write this letter to you guys.
I am Liz.
Letters From Liz. 