No one else came to pick me up from the hospital today. It was Jamie, waiting for me in the waiting room, taking my things and putting it in the backseat as he opened the passenger’s side for me to get in. He didn’t say a word to me, and I didn’t say anything top him back. What was supposed to say after yesterday? Thank you for picking me up today after I basically told you to get lost just a couple of hours ago!

Driving back into the city at night on the bridge with the cold air hitting my face felt refreshing. I closed my eyes and saw the last year just flashed through my mind. Meeting Jamie, quitting the firm, going after my dance career, getting Jamie back, being Jamie’s girlfriend, and here we are. I opened my eyes and looked back at him as he drove. How did he handle me? Why put himself through the torture of being with Grace Ashmore? Why be linked up with someone that doesn’t have their life all put together? Why be with someone as damaged as me?

“Stop torturing yourself, jagiya,” Jamie finally said without looking away from the road.

“What?” I asked suddenly.

“Whatever you’re thinking about, it’s not true.” I cocked my eyebrows up and crossed my arms across my chest.

“So if I was thinking that you’re the sexiest man alive, that’s not in the slightest but true?” I teased. Jamie smirked to the question. I couldn’t help but be happy that I was still able to smile to my snarky remarks.

“I doubt that’s what has that perplexed look on your face,” he responded. I took a deep breath and looked out of the window. The drive seemed to be longer than expected; New York City traffic was always bad around this time of night. I was not gonna lie, going back to the city into my apartment was getting me sad. It meant that we would have to come back to reality and talk about the one thing I’ve been dreading since we left the hospital.

“Don’t take me home,” I blurted out. I didn’t see if Jamie looked at me, but his silence spoke volumes. Maybe he knew what I was dreading already, but he kept driving.

“Okay,” he simply said.

…

The rest of the drive was somewhat silent. The radio kept the air a little less tense, but it didn’t mean that our minds weren’t racing. Jamie looked tired; did he get any sleep last night? Has he eaten anything today? I was sad; I remember he used to have so much more color on his face. Fuck, he seemed so much happier.

The car stopped in a familiar place. His favorite place to think. I was glad to be close to the cafe; it felt like home without it being home in this exact moment. He got out of the car and walked around to open the door and take my hand. I put mine in his and he pulled me out of the car. We sat on the ground and looked out to the city and the Hudson River. It was truly something beautiful.

“Thank you,” I started to say. Jamie looked at me and placed his hand on my knee.

“I figured you needed some thinking time,” He said. I chuckled to myself; this man knows me too fucking well and it scares the living shit out of me. He brushed his hair back and continued to look out towards the city. I placed my head on his shoulder; the softness of his coat made me comfortable.

“Are you ready?” Jamie softly said. I knew what he meant. I faintly said yes and took my head off of his shoulder. I could tell he was nervous; he does this thing when he fixes the glasses on his face and licks his bottom lip, slightly biting on it. Could he tell I was also nervous?

“So… when did this start?” Jamie asked softly. I crossed my arms over my chest. That’s what I did when I get really nervous. I looked down at the grass.

“I’ve always had this issue with my body, especially when I was a dancer,” I briefly explained. He still looked so concerned and confused; I knew he had questions.

“I was worried sick about you, Grace. I didn’t know what the hell happened.” I could tell Jamie was trying to be as gentle as possible, but he was growing frustration at me for not just telling him about this in the first place.

“I would’ve known what to do,” I quietly said.

“Before or after you passed out in Emerson’s bathroom?” Jamie said snarky. I was pissed now, he simply wasn’t going to let this thing past me, and I mean– I don’t blame him– but I just wanted to get passed this conversation and spend our time more productively, like being on good terms with him before he just ups and leaves my fucking life.

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” I spat back. Jamie sighed and looked at me.

“Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t eating?”

“I needed to lose a couple of pounds.”

“For what?” Jamie raised his voice.

“My job, Jamie!” I responded even louder.

“Why the fuck would you need to lose weight for your job?” Jamie was angry, and I was getting angry for him not understanding that this was just not the conversation I wanted to had in this moment. I didn’t want to go home for this exact reason.

“The same reason you would leave Korea and attend to a case here in America; you just fucking have to!” I get up from the ground and stumble; Jamie quickly gets up and holds me so I don’t fall. Nothing is said, he just holds me.

I wrapped my arms around him and begin to start crying. I don’t know why I did, and I hate that I did, but I couldn’t help myself.

“Please don’t go back! Please!” I sobbed in his arms. I looked back up and with tears running down my face, I kissed him hard on the lips. He was tense; he didn’t know what was coming, but he suddenly wrapped his arms around me and kissed me back. And we were there for God knows how long.

…

It wasn’t long after until my bedroom door slammed open with me in Jamie’s arms. He placed me on my back on the bed and began to undress me. He looked at me in a way I don’t think any man has ever looked at me, but it felt good. It felt good to be seen for once; it felt good to think that someone took my flaws and fuck-ups and still wanted to be with me in this moment. I knew I loved him, and I wanted nothing but to let him know that in the way he touched my body tonight.

…

I remember the ecstasy of the night coming to an end when I realized the night was coming to an end. I looked over to Jamie, who then suddenly looked at me. He looked like he knew what was coming.

“When do you go back to Korea?” I finally asked. I dreaded the question all night. I know this wasn’t the right time to ask him this; us laying naked in my bed, but it was literally eating me up inside. I couldn’t wait to know the answer any longer. I needed to prepare myself for the heartbreak it will be.

“January 31st,” he simply answered. I didn’t say anything after that. I just laid there with his arm around me. I don’t know what this meant for us, but in this moment I was too exhausted to react.

I guess it’ll be something we’ll figure out.

How am I in this hospital again in a matter of 6 months? My leg bounces in place as I sit in the hospital waiting room. I’ve never seen Grace so ill before; she’s definitely been a lot more sick this last month, but it’s never gotten to this before. I’m exhausted, still slightly tipsy from the drinks earlier, and numb. I can’t even think straight at this point.

I place my hands on my face as I lean forward; I just want to know if Grace is going to be okay. No one has come out to give me information on her. It has to be at least 2 in the morning at this point. I was so intently in thought, I just realize my phone was vibrating in my coat pocket.

I looked at the phone screen to see the call is coming from Kevin. I picked it up, trying not to appear as exhausted as i truly am.

“yeoboseyo?” I answered. I could hear Shawn in the background, talking loudly before Kevin could say anything.

“Happy New Year, hyung!” Kevin greeted. I could faintly hear Shawn say the same thing in the background.

“Did you guys seriously wait for it to be the new year in America for this?” I teased.

“We thought it was midnight there not realizing we’re a little late…”

“About two hours late, but it’s the thought that counts.” I reassured.

“So, you and the lady celebrating? Are we interrupting?” Shawn says in the back.

“No, no…” I didn’t know what else to say. I could tell they felt some tension since they didn’t say anything else afterwards. It wasn’t until Kevin spoke softly in the phone.

“Hyung, is everything alright?” Kevin finally said. I couldn’t not tell Kevin what was going on. I trusted him even if I was his senior. I took a deep breath and held the bridge of my nose before I spoke.

“My visa is expiring in three weeks,” I admitted.

“But you knew that already,” Kevin responded.

“I was trying to extend it,” I continued. “I got the call when I was at Grace’s friends place.”

“They didn’t extend it? But you work there?”

“I’m not active on a case and I have a feeling they didn’t put me on a case for that reason,” I explained. I can hear Kevin explaining the situation to Shawn. I shut my eyes closed. I need to tell someone.

“Also,” I continued. The line went silent. I sighed before I said anything else. “I’m at the hospital with Grace.”

“What?!” Both guys said through the phone. “Hyung, what the hell is going on?”

“Ya,” I sternly reminded Kevin for respect. “Grace has been really sick the past couple of weeks. She was vomiting at the party we were at earlier tonight.”

“Maybe she just had too much to drink?” Kevin stated.

“She didn’t touch any of the drinks that were handed to her,” I corrected. I could hear the guys whispering something in Korean, something along the lines of having a suspicious thought about why Grace could’ve been that sick. I said it before they did.

“What if Grace is pregnant?” I shut my eyes as I said it out loud. I was scared to even think of the possibility. Here I am, leaving America in three weeks with the potential of my girlfriend being pregnant. I can’t leave her here alone if she’s pregnant.

I don’t hear Kevin or Shawn say anything until Shawn says something in the back.

“Are you going to marry her if she is, hyung?” he asked. I didn’t say anything back right away; in fact, I was taken back by the question. Marrying Grace? We just became a couple… would it be too soon? Would she want us to get married in order for me to stay? Will I just marry her for the wrong reasons? Will it be out of love?

Before I can say anything back, I see a nurse come out of the door calling my name.

“I got to go.” I said and quickly hung up the phone. I stood up from my seat as the nurse walked towards me.

“Mr. Kim?” the nurse asked. I nodded my head and she continued. “So Grace is resting and given some fluids, she should be okay to go home in the morning,” I took a deep breath in and quickly let it out. The nurse in front of me is flipping through some papers in her hands and begins to read what’s on the page. “She came in pretty dehydrated, which isn’t a surprise now knowing Grace’s condition.”

“Condition?” I asked. Aigoo, she’s pregnant.

“Grace’s vitals were beginning to shut down and her body temperature was below average. After a few tests, we concluded that she’s dehydrated and malnourished.” The nurse explained. I didn’t know what to say. Why didn’t I notice? Why wasn’t Grace eating? Why didn’t I see the damn signs earlier? I wanted nothing more than to see Grace.

“Is she awake? Can I see her?”

The nurse nodded at me and walked me through the hallway. I was nervous. I was confused. All I wanted to do was ask her why was she doing this to herself? Why didn’t she talk to me? I didn’t realize that we were already at her room. The nurse opens the door.

“Grace, you have a visitor.” The nurse said softly. I look into the room and see Grace laying on the bed. I entered the room slowly; I didn’t know how to approach Grace with the news. Did she even know what happened? I didn’t want to be the person that had to tell Grace what had happened, because if she knew that I knew, she would feel guilty. I know Grace Ashmore. She’s able to hide things from people until she can’t control it anymore; until something like tonight happens.

“I’ll leave you two alone and come back in a few to check on you, Ms. Ashmore.” The nurse walked out and closed the door behind her. Silence. I slowly walked over towards Grace’s bed and grabbed a chair. I got close to her and she didn’t move.

“Jagiya,” I began. She still hasn’t looked in my direction. I took a deep breath before I would continue, but Grace finally spoke up.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. She must know. I brushed my hair back away from my face and leaned forward towards the bed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, not realizing my tone was lower than intended.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I just didn’t want you to know.”

“Grace–” I interrupted, now annoyed. “This is something serious. This isn’t something you can keep to yourself. You scared the shit out of me tonight and all because you were starving yourself?”

“It’s not like that,” Grace spat back.

“What in the world made you think it was okay to just starve yourself, Grace?!” I couldn’t sugarcoat things anymore. I needed to understand.

“Why do you even care so much?!” Grace finally looked at me. She looked pale, skinny; not herself. I should’ve noticed sooner.

“Grace,” I said calmly. I tried to reach out for her hand, but she pulled it back.

“Just… go.” Grace demanded.

“What?” I scrunched my eyebrows, now more annoyed that Grace is doing this at a time like this.

“Just go, Jamie! I don’t need you caring about me! For what? For you to be here as I get better and for you to leave back to Korea soon?” Grace began to yell. I looked at the door, nervous someone would hear her. But she continued.

“I know you’re leaving, Jamie!” She spat at me. I didn’t know what to say.

“Grace, please calm down,” I said, defeated. “I’m not leaving anytime soon…”

“But you’re still leaving!” She yelled at me.

“You knew this though!” I yelled back. I was frustrated that Grace was destroying her body and didn’t want to tell me why she was doing so. She had never been this way in the year that I known her. What changed? What happened?

“You’re no different than everyone else who came and went.” Grace turned her body away from me. Before I can say anything, the nurse came back into the room. She first saw Grace upset and crying, then she looked at me in the chair.

“Grace needs some rest, Mr. Kim,” The nurse stated. I gathered my things and got up from the chair. I looked down at Grace before turning away towards the door. I walked passed the nurse, out to the hospital hallway.

“Mr. Kim,” The nurse called out for me. I turned around, surprised she called out for me in the first place.

“Grace is going to be okay. She’s just having a hard time processing things. She’s had a history of anorexia nervosa in the past; something triggering or stressful must’ve activated it.” The nurse explained. I took a deep breath; I had to let this out to someone; anyone.

“I was afraid she could’ve been pregnant. She’s been ill for almost a month, so–“

“That’s understandable. Are you two trying to have children?” The question took me back. I didn’t know if I ever wanted to have kids, but Grace and Little Bean made me see things differently.

“I wouldn’t have been upset if she was,” I said. I feel like that was the honest truth. All I wanted was for Grace and I to be your everyday couple; I wanted nothing more than to come home from work and see Grace and her pregnant belly greet me at the front door. I wanted nothing more to stay here and be with her and–

“Grace would have to gain some weight and take certain vitamins to be able to carry a child,” The nurse explained. “If children is what you both want, then you both have to make sure you work out any obstacles in your path.” The nurse walked away and down the hallway. She wasn’t wrong. Grace and I are far from ready to have a child; we’re barely on speaking terms as we speak.

And I also go back to Korea in three weeks.

“In the accounts that were stated in this courtroom, the jury has concluded that the defendant is guilty for all charges and will face maximum sentencing.”

Jamie releases a sigh of relief once the verdict was read in his favor. His client cries in her seat, happy she got the justice she needed. Jamie begins to wrap up all paperwork as the courtroom begins to empty out.

Walking out of the courtroom, a man in a suit is seen running towards Jamie, calling out his name. Jamie stops in his tracks and see if it’s Attorney Carson.

Attorney Carson: Good work in there, Mr. Kim. You’ve definitely left your impression on me, the firm, and Mr. Carter himself.

Jamie: Thank you.

Attorney Carson: On Monday morning, go straight to Mr. Carter’s office; he couldn’t talk to you due to another meeting, but he’s excited to talk to you when he can.

Jamie: Sure, I’ll be there.

Attorney Carson pounds him on the shoulder with his fist.

Attorney Carson: The team is going out for some dinners in a few; wanna come?

Jamie: *shakes his head* No thanks. I’ll be celebrating this win with my girlfriend.

Jamie politely excuses himself and walks away from the courthouse with his briefcase in his hand.

…

He opens the front door of the apartment and calls out for Grace. She doesn’t respond. He places his briefcase near the front door and walks in. He takes a glass from the cabinet and pours a glass of wine for himself. While sipping and scrolling his phone, he gets a call.

Jamie: Hello?

Caller: Hi, am I speaking to a Mr. Kim Jae Min?

Jamie scrunches his eyebrows in concern.

Jamie: Speaking; may I ask who’s calling?

Caller: This is the United States of America Embassy, we are calling regarding your Worker’s Visa…

Jamie sits through the call, listening to all the details needed from the embassy. Once he gets off the phone, his face drops, suddenly sad and overwhelmed.

…

A couple of hours later, Grace comes home. She opens the front door and drops her bag near the door. She instantly takes off her shoes and walks into the rest of the apartment.

Grace: Jamie?

The bedroom door slams open and out comes Jamie.

Jamie: Jagiyaaaa~

Grace: *confused* Jamie?

Jamie walks on over to Grace and wraps his arms around her.

Grace: What’s gotten into you?

Jamie: Your man won the case today!

Grace: That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!

Grace kisses Jamie and pulls back after she does. She smells the alcohol on his lips.

Grace: You’ve been drinking?

Jamie: Of course! Y’know I hadda celebrate the win widda drink!

Jamie slurs his words and his face is incredibly red. Grace realizes that Jamie is drunk, in which she has never seen him get carried away like this.

Grace: Come on, Jamie; let’s get you some water and something to eat.

Jamie: Look at my lady taking care of me. You’re so sweet, jagiya.

Grace smiles as she directs him towards the couch. Jamie sits and leans back on it, looking up at Grace, smiling.

Jamie: Ya, you wanna know why i call you jagiya?

Grace gathers up a pillow and blanket and places it on the couch.

Grace: Why?

Jamie: Because you’re my sweetie. My honey. My baby. The love of my fucking life.

Jamie’s eyes began to drop, he’s clearly exhausted from the day.

Grace: Get some rest, Jamie.

Jamie: Will you love me even when I go back home?

Grace doesn’t say anything, she just looks at Jamie and gathers her thoughts. What is he saying? It hasn’t even been a year since he got his worker’s visa. She doesn’t want to get into this tonight; especially having Jamie at his current state of mind.

Grace: I course I would.

Jamie smiles and falls asleep quickly after. Grace stands there, questioning Jamie’s words; should she believe them? Were they just drunken, meaningless words? Were there some truth behind what he was saying? Is he already going back? She instantly felt sick to her stomach that night. She ran out of bed and puked inside the toilet bowl that night. It wouldn’t have been the first time this happened either.

…

The following morning, Grace wakes up tangled in her bed sheets. She slowly gets up and puts her robe on on this particular cold December morning.

She walks out of her bedroom to see Jamie sitting at the kitchen table; a glass in one hand and a large bottle of Pedialyte in the other. Jamie looks up at Grace and then back down.

Jamie: Mianhae, I’ll buy Little Bean some more when she comes over.

Grace faintly smiles and sits at the table. Jamie looks up at her.

Jamie: Did you get any sleep last night?

Grace: I wasn’t feeling too good. I was… tossing and turning all night.

Jamie: Both in and out of the bathroom last night, huh?

Grace looks at Jamie.

Jamie: I heard you in the bathroom a couple of times last night.

Grace leans back in her chair as Jamie pours another glass of the drink.

Grace: You’ve never gotten that drunk before.

Jamie: First win, the team wanted to go out for drinks. I got a little carried away. Took an Uber ride home.

Grace: As long as you’re feeling okay, that’s all that matters.

Grace folds her arms across her chest.

Grace: So, I’m your sweetie? Honey? Baby? The love of your life?

Jamie is visibly confused about the start of this new conversation. Grace smirks.

Grace: Your ja-gi-ya?

Jamie lowers his head and finally understands what Grace is talking about.

Jamie: I… I told you what that meant last night, huh?

Grace giggles and nods her head.

Grace: gwaenchanh-a oppa.

Grace gets up and heads on over to the kitchen to before some coffee for the morning. Jamie smiles at the response.