Self-Reflection

Metanoia: Why I’ve Been Gone.

liz

Hey, guys. After a long hiatus, welcome back to TNTH.

I’ve spent these last few weeks trying to write this post and having it reflect on the process I’ve been going through as I’ve been going through it, and every time I’ve tried explaining myself, it still doesn’t fully explain why. So excuse me if this sounds confusing, or cheesy, or down-right crazy. I promised myself that TNTH is a safe place of honesty and self-expression, so here I am doing just that.

I left for many reasons. I’ve written the list over and over again and I’ve finally come to terms with those reasons. Those reasons, or causes perhaps, made me live a lie for the last 5 months, I’ve been indulging in this life that was not my own, and eventually, I started to break down. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

Long story short, the pressure builds up inside of you and everything that you held back for months on end began to pour out. My honest, raw, and purest-self showed and when I look back at it, I remember how vulnerable I truly was. How desperate I wanted everything to end; the self-hate thoughts that circled through my head would not leave me alone. I realized things needed to desperately change before I was back to where I was years ago when the pain caused me to then become suicidal. I needed to find myself again.

During my time away from the world, I’ve listened to a lot of music. Specifically, I listened to Camila Cabello’s “I Have Questions” on repeat. It was the type of song that took you to a place you never knew existed in you. Every time that song plays on my phone, I feel like I fall down this trap door of every issue, problem, and insecurity of mine and I’m forced to come in contact with them all. Long story short, the song comes from her forthcoming debut album, The Hurting. The Healing. The Loving. She shares that the album is a “journey from darkness to light; [how she lost herself and then found herself again through three stages: the hurting, the healing, and the loving.]”

I’ve taken these three stages of self-discovery and applied it to my own life. It’s when I realized that I have the power to fix what I want to fix, find what I want to find, change what I want to change, and to simply heal the hurt so that I can love again.

This is who I was, who I am, and what I’m working to become.

Continue reading “Metanoia: Why I’ve Been Gone.” →

Throwback Thursdays

#TBT: First Job Interview Experience.

liz

In a sad confession, I have to say that I’ve only had one job in my life, and that job was just a month-long internship at a theater company. Other than that, I’ve tried getting a job in the last couple of years, but they haven’t really done me well.

I started to look for internships and job after completing my second year of college three years ago. I was specifically looking for internships that could help me become more involved in the film world since I was really interested in screenwriting at the time. So I looked online and realize there were a few film companies in the city that were offering positions during the summer. I applied for at least 4 of them, and sadly only one of them wrote me back and were interested in me.

Now, I’m excited as I could ever be for getting a callback because it’s going to be my first ever interview, and I was ready. They told me to come into the city the following day at their headquarters for the interview. I was definitely nervous to go through my first interview because I get really nervous talking to people publicly. But I tried to prepare myself by asking myself some questions that they might’ve asked me during the interview, and for awhile, it helped with my nerves.

Then, the day came.

It was on a hot, blazing Thursday and I was due for my interview roughly around 10:30 in the morning. I had to go into the city for my interview and every single time I go into the city, I end up getting lost. That day was one of those days, and I started to panic. I began to sweat out my hair, my face was glazed with sweat, and my all black ensemble wasn’t looking so… great anymore. It was getting close to my call time and now I’m getting angry and irritated; I really wasn’t trying to be late for my very first job interview.

So, I finally get to the building where I needed to be in, and at this time I’m drenched in sweat. I go into the elevator to the third floor, and now I feel the nerves in the pit of my stomach. I finally get onto the third floor and there are no offices. So now I’m even more nervous because it’s literally my call time, and I have no idea where to turn or to ask because there was literally no one around. After a minute or too, I decided to call the woman who called me for the interview, letting her know I was in the building. It felt completely unprofessional to do that; like do you ever make plans with your friends and when you’re the first to arrive at the place so you have to call them to let you know you’re at the place? That’s how I felt at that moment.

When I finally met up with her, she was a nice young Asian woman who had on the nicest summer dress, and there I was in my all black attire, sweating profusely. She had asked me questions that I wasn’t prepared for, so I kept on stumbling on my words and trying to make some sense of it. A lot of the questions she had to ask me over because I wasn’t understanding them properly. For an interview that took like 5 minutes, it felt like 50 minutes. I left the interview feeling awkward, nervous, and just disappointed in myself. Long story short, I didn’t get the job and I was sad for a couple of days, but it did teach me a few things about going into interviews. After this experience, I was afraid to apply to internships and jobs because of this experience, but eventually, I was able to find one that was right up my alley and I finally had a job at a theater company, Poetic Theater Productions.

Although it’s been awhile since I actually put myself out there for jobs, I know that in the next year or so, I’m going to have to do so. It’s still scary, I can’t lie, but with enough trial and error,  it should become second nature to me.

As of right now… it’s terrifying.

 

-Liz (:

Topic Tuesdays: Random

Congrats, Class of 2017! 🎓

liz

Congrats to everyone who has graduated already, will be graduating soon, and who are graduating this year! Specifically, congratulations to those who are graduating today at the College of Staten Island. Today is the moment you guys worked so hard to see, and now it’s time for celebration for your accomplishments, and I couldn’t be more proud of those who I personally know that are graduating today. I feel like a proud mama; last year I was the only one out of my friends who were graduating, so seeing them now have their time and feel the things I felt when I walked in my cap and gown is a bittersweet feeling.

 

The Great Lawn; June 2nd, 2016.

 

Without a cloud in the sky, the 67th Commencement Ceremony took place at The College of Staten Island with roughly 3,000 graduates getting their college degrees. I was receiving my Bachelor’s of Arts in English Writing and Honors within Sigma Tau Delta International English Honors Society. I was the first in my family to receive a college degree.

 

Professor Simon Reader leading the 2016 English Graduates.

 

Walking to The Great Lawn with my fellow English major graduates, I had this overwhelming feeling that I made it. Years of hard-work, dedication, and even thoughts of dropping out when things got too hard, I completed everything I needed to complete in four years. I didn’t cry, but the knot in my throat definitely was there while walking and taking our seats. Seeing everyone in their cap and gowns of all different ages and genders and nationalities was a beautiful sight to see. Although the big ceremony was boring and honestly useless and my parents didn’t get to see me in the departmental ceremony, the overall day was one I would want to relive over and over again.

 

Post-graduation 2016.

 

I can’t believe this was almost a year ago. It just comes to show how fast time flies. It feels like I just graduated, and now next year, I graduate with my Masters. Yep, a new dress, a new gown (with a fucking cape/hoodie) and a new degree. I’m excited to write about my own graduation in 2018 a year from now, and receive my second degree (which feels so fucking surreal to me still).

 

Commencement-2016-RKK (475)-M
Some of the Banners of the majors offered at the College of Staten Island.

 

But back to those who I personally know at graduation right now and are experiencing the feelings and moments of their graduation currently:

This is your day, and I hope no one takes it away from you. I know a few of you worked your asses off to graduate on time and be where you guys are today. All the hard work finally is paying off, and I hope that you guys end up in places where you are happy, inspired, and successful; wherever life takes you guys. Some of you will be teachers, others will be researchers, and others will be continuing their education for higher degrees, and I hope that the memories you had in college (whether good or bad) stay with you for lifetime. I know I met most of you during my last year of undergrad, and because of the great memories we made, you guys made my last year one that I’ll always remember. 

I love you guys, and mama is proud of you and your accomplishments! 

-Liz (:

Self-Appreciation Saturdays

Self-Appreciation Saturday. (5/27/17)

liz

As graduation season comes this year, you may know someone that is a part of the Class of 2017. If that’s the case, then make sure to congratulate them at every given moment because they deserve it due to their hard work and accomplishments. You do realize though, that you’re not graduating with them, and once they graduate from the school you guys go through, they don’t come back in the following school year. It’s normal to be sad; you won’t get to see them as often as you want, yet alone in school anymore. All in all, it’s hard to be happy for your friends because you’re feeling sad for their departure.

Continue reading “Self-Appreciation Saturday. (5/27/17)” →

TNTH Related Stuff

#TBT Comeback Announcement!

liz

My summer has officially started, which means goodbye grad school Mami, hello full-time TNTH writer! That’s right, my entire summer is now going to be dedicated to the blog, which means #TBT’s are coming back to TNTH!

#TBT comes back next Thursday, June 1st and although they don’t specifically talk about a year, these little posts are most likely gonna be me reminiscing about some good memories, bad memories, some firsts of mine and so much more! I have stories that I haven’t ever fully shared, so that’s what #TBT’s are looking like for the rest of the summer!

Again, I can’t thank you guys enough for coming every week to check out what’s new on the blog. I may not know you guys personally (or I might do), but I still appreciate every single one of you readers.

So, while you wait for next week’s post, check out the #TBT category on TNTH !

I hope everyone who is off college-time has an amazing summer!

-Liz (:

Topic Tuesdays: Music

What I’m Currently Listening To! (Part 3!)

liz

A new month means new music that I’m currently obsessed with! Because I’m deciding to do this more frequently, I’m listening to new music more often and this post is gonna show a new side of music I actually enjoy listening to. Again, you can listen to these songs on my Spotify playlist if you’re interested in doing so! Anyway, without further ado, here is the third installation of my music favorites!

 

  • I went on a rave about this song Saturday night when I first saw the music video to Camila Cabello’s debut single, “Crying in the Club” off of her upcoming debut album, The Hurting. The Healing, The Loving. While I do enjoy the single, it lacks originality and it doesn’t feel like something she would’ve written herself. So, when I was watching the video of the song, the video starts off with another snippet of a song, “I Have Questions” by Camila Cabello. It was a song I instantly fell in love with because it speaks volumes. “I gave you all of me; my blood, my sweat, my heart, and my tears, Why don’t you care, why don’t you care? I was there, I was there when no one was; now you’re gone and I’m here.” Those lines and the emotion in her voice instantly broke me, and only a few songs in my lifetime had done that to me on the first listen. I honestly wish that she released this song as her first single instead of “Crying in the Club” because songs like “I Have Questions” hit people. It’s relatable in a way that CITC doesn’t. This song was released as a whole on May 21st, and I instantly had to put this song on my list for this month because it’s already a favorite of mine.
  • Another song from SweetSexySavage, “Distraction” by Kehlani. Initially, I wasn’t really crazy about this song because I felt like it was too slow for my liking. It wasn’t until I was hearing it at Obie’s house constantly on the radio that I started to dig it a lot more. I’m also really big on harmonies in songs, so she sold me as soon as she begins the song with “Do you, do you, do you, do you wanna be?” As I began to listen to the lyrics a lot more intently, I realized that the song was about vibing with someone that you really like, but they respect and knows that your passion and career comes first, so a relationship isn’t in the picture. I can honestly relate; I feel like because we are all so young and trying to put our marks into the world, relationships and all of that can wait – but it doesn’t mean that you can’t vibe and like someone and have mutual respect for one another. As long as you both know and respect each other’s feelings, there’s no problem wit leaving things where they are. I don’t think there’s another song out there that expresses that message, so I dig it.
  • So, it took me awhile to actually like Bruno Mars’ “That’s What I Like”.  Bruno Mars’ album just recently came out, and his single “24k Magic” was flooding the radio. After hearing this song and watching my friends dance along to it, I still wasn’t crazy about it. Fast forward about 6 months ago and Obie’s sister-in-law gushes over the fact that she’s been obsessed with Bruno Mars’ recent album, so she played it. This song played and I actually really liked it, and now it’s honestly one of my favorite songs at the moment. I constantly make Snapchat videos with this song playing in the background, I was sing along whenever it plays on the radio at Obie’s house, and it’s just a really obsess-worthy song.
  • Another song that was recently added to my playlist of favorites was Selena Gomez’s “Bad Liar”. I’m not the biggest Selena Gomez fan, but this song is a vibe. With the subtle bass sampled from Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer”, she talk-sings her lyrics perfectly to fit the aesthetic of the song. I mean, the song is typically about a girl not being able to get a boy off her mind, which is a big cliche, but it’s not a bubble-gum pop-washed version that appeals to young girls experiencing puppy love in middle school. It’s a grown up version of that, the type of thoughts you get about a person that’s sexy, and lustful. Many of her fans who dig her dance-pop music will probably not like this side of Selena, but I feel like this side of her music fits her perfectly. If most of her upcoming music gives off this same vibe, I might actually become a Selena Gomez fan!
  • I’ve been unapologetically obsessed with this song because it’s a guilty pleasure. My guilty pleasures are songs that I wouldn’t normally gravitate towards to for either being too explicit and sexual or something I can’t bump into, so I was shocked when I instantly added Ty Dolla $ign’s “Zaddy” to my Spotify playlist. It’s a really sexual and explicit song, yet I found myself dancing and milly rocking to it whenever it played. I mean, from a personal standpoint, I absolutely hate when girls call their man Zaddy; I just don’t understand why or how , but I honestly understand, from this song, what makes girls replace their D’s from Z’s is completely reasonable! Anyway, yeah. This song is a guilty pleasure. Don’t read into it.
  • I feel like most of these songs have been obsessions of mine because of Obie, and I can honestly say yeah, they are. This song just became an obsession of mine because it reminds me of my childhood. For context: Obie teaches a dance group at a middle school, and he creates the music (or mix) that the group dances to. He’s done this for as long as I can remember, and I’ve listened to most of them since then. In this particular mix, he put in this song that sounded so familiar, and when I finally found the song, I nearly felt like I was 5-years-old again. This song was “Take Me There” from The Rugrats Movie Soundtrack. Moral of the story: it’s great to be a 90’s kid.

That’s it for what I’m currently listening to! I know that a lot of new music is going to be coming out this summer, and I’m very excited to hear it and most likely, you’ll see some on here in a month or so!

Happy listening!

-Liz (:

Self-Appreciation Saturdays

SAS: The Best Advice for the Planners in Life. (5/20/17)

liz

I am a planner.

I feel the most organized when I have things thoroughly planned out in detail for every day of the week. It’s why my dry-erase board calendar is usually full during the month, I currently have a TNTH Schedule for future posts, I just started bullet journaling, and I had two detailed outlines on index cards for my final research papers taped alongside my desk for the last month and a half.

Obsessive? Yeah, but in some odd way, it calms my worries about the short-term things that need to get done.

The long-term goals? Planning those things can actually create the worries you don’t want. I know for me, planning long-term goals are scary because things happen. Things change, interests change. For years, I dedicated my time to get myself more into the cinema scene; I took screenwriting classes to learn my craft and planned the next three years to study screenwriting and film in a graduate school specifically made for cinema. For once, I had long-term plans that I was working towards. But then life happened. I was rejected from the film school and I felt lost with my plans again.

Although I am in grad school getting my Master’s degree anyway, it still feels weird to not know what I want to do after I graduate. I start my second year in the Fall, yet I don’t have any plans after I finish. All of the people I encounter in grad school have plans of being teachers and such, but I know I was not meant for that type of job. I like English for the writing, not for the literature, and teaching English is dealing with the literature. If I can’t do cinema, I would want to do something solely dealing with writing.

The group of people I know and follow on social media tends to be people who are already in grad school, are graduating college in the next couple of weeks, or going into their last year of college in the Fall. One of the things we all have in common at these different levels in our education is that we all either have a distinct goal in mind after college, or we have absolutely no idea what we want to do. Until we all feel like we’re getting somewhere in life, those long-term plans for life are going to be at the back of our minds and make us worry.

And if you’re a planner like me, these worries turn into bad anxiety.

A couple of weeks ago, I was going through a major anxiety attack about everything in life. Literally, everything felt like it was crashing down. I spoke to my mother to talk the worries out and possibly get some advice to help me out. My mother and I have most of the same personality traits, and I needed to speak to someone before I considered talking to a professional. She asked me what were the things I was getting anxiety over, and as I was telling her, they all seemed to be about my long term plans.

As my mother was giving me advice, she told me to “live in the present.”

Screenshot 2017-04-27 at 1.14.13 PM.png

Many of us forget that the most precious thing we have in the world is time. We are never granted another day or another year, and I learned that after my Uncle passed away unexpectedly earlier this year. We also tend to worry and stress out about the future so much that we never see the beautiful and wonderful things happening now. I remember my undergrad years as being a time where time just flew by. I was going by each day with the objective in mind of graduating on time that I never really enjoyed my college life. It wasn’t until my senior year of college where I actually started to enjoy my school life and just life in general. Although it’s great to try to have your life all figured out and focused in, it’s good to also enjoy the things around you. Enjoy your family, your friends, the weather, your interests, and hobbies. Also if you have a ton of work that you need to do in the present, get it done so that you can move on to the next thing you have to do. Sometimes, the constant work makes anyone feel robotic. The reality is that whether you like it or hate it, it needs to be done.

All in all, it seems like “living in the present” is a statement that appears to be obvious and cliche, but many of us just forget to do it because as a generation of people in our 20’s, we always tend to focus on the future. Take a step back every once and awhile to enjoy the little things in life.

-Liz (:

Topic Tuesdays: Random

First Year of Grad School: DONE!

liz

After 74 pages combined in four final research papers, 8 presentations, 8 novels, and a shitload of articles later, I finally completed my first year of grad school.

Here comes the wonderful summer break!

If you’d like to know how my first year went in depth, be sure you read my “What Grad School Taught Me” post; I feel like a lot of college students have this misconception about grad school and when they finally get into it, more students drop out of it more than they stay in – so I feel like that post could help people make the decision if grad school is for them or not.

Anyway, it’s just so surreal to be going into my second and final year of grad school in the Fall. My first year definitely came and went by so quickly, it still feels like something completely new for me. The experience I had this past year has been such a reality check for me, yet it’s been such an amazing journey thus far.

Going to grad school, especially at CSI, was never in my “5-Year Plan” when I had my life planned out when I was a sophomore in college. This time last year when I was getting ready to graduate with my bachelor’s, even then I couldn’t picture myself in grad school. A year later, I’m halfway through and the first year had unexpected encounters and moments I surprisingly didn’t think I’d get. For starters, I found myself a group of decent school friends who I’m going through the experience with. I’m not alone, and it’s good that this time around, I’m actually making friends with people within my department; I graduated last year not knowing anyone within my English department because I wasn’t so heavily involved in the program oddly enough. Now, I have a group of friends who plan to graduate with me on time in 2018, and I’m excited to be celebrating this accomplishment with actual school friends of mine.

Back to 2017 though: this semester alone has been one of the roughest semesters I’ve had solely because of insane professors, insecurity in my writing, and just overall anxiety from the courses. Even though it seemed like it sucked, this semester taught me a lot about being a writer and how to write, and my final paper for my literature class shows it.

Also, the end of the semester means that my friend, Tori, is going to be graduating in a couple of weeks. For the past year, she has been my ride to the bus stop after class, and yesterday was her last time doing so for me. I’m going to miss our car conversations about life, boyfriends, and school whenever we did link up, but I’m honestly so proud of her. She’s going to be an amazing English teacher; any student will be lucky to have her as one.

What to expect next year!

Next year (yet alone next semester) is going to be a rough one. This last year showed me just how hard it’s going to be handling two classes, so I can only imagine how tough it’s going to be when I have to take a Shakespeare class with possibly Shakespeare’s biggest fan as my professor, and an Independent Study with the professor who gave me a hard time this semester. It’s going to be hectic and I know my life is going to go down the drain once I go into this semester, but I know I am strong enough to go through these two tough courses and do what I gotta do.

In addition to that, I was granted the opportunity to do something insanely awesome next semester. So within my school, grad students in the English program have to write a 30-paged thesis paper prior to graduating. You pick a final paper you wrote in a class and expand on the ideas already in the paper; I’m currently working on a thesis discussing the disadvantages minority writers have in academia and the way they are the most oppressed group in writing classes. Because I plan on graduating on time next year, I will be focusing a lot more on my thesis and polish it up to submit to the graduate committee for grading. My writing professor at the time, Professor Carlo, is going to be the one consulting me with writing my MA Thesis. She’s possibly one of the coolest professors I’ve had at my school, so I knew that right away, she was going to be the professor I worked with.

Because I plan to do so, I received an email from her asking me if I was interested in being her Supplemental Instructor in a class she is teaching in the Fall semester: Autobiographical Writing. Now if you know me, this is straight up my damn alley. I live for writing about yourself and your own experiences; that’s what TNTH really is! But long story short, I’d be practically teaching her class, which is such a great honor and I hope I can proceed in doing so.

So yeah. An independent study + a really hard class + this SI Leader job = one stressed out Liz. But I know I’m able to do this.

But as of now, it’s time to wait for the final grades and then my summer vacation can finally begin!

What’s going on with TNTH now that school is over?

Because of grad school taking over my life this last couple of months, it’s been forever since I had time to myself to do the things that I’ve wanted to do for months, i.e actually put my everything into the blog. I have some amazing projects coming up (which I will be announcing soon on here), and some goals I want to hit during the summer.

Although usually, I’m over the summer after the Fourth of July, I’m excited to hang out more with my best friend, I’m excited to explore more places and take pictures, and I’m excited to officially start journaling again, specifically just summer journaling (I’ll be daily journaling again for the 2018 year).

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a great month, whether or not you’re officially on vacation or not, make the most out of this beautiful Spring weather! Stay tuned for a great summer for TNTH!

-Liz (:

Self-Appreciation Saturdays

Self-Appreciation Saturday. (5/13/17)

liz

It’s been a rough couple of weeks due to the stress and anxiety of the semester coming to an end and I’ve been trying my best to keep my mind happy. In an attempt to be okay and calm, I came up with a list of things to do when you’re feeling down or anxious about life:

  1. Try to wake up early. Sleeping too late makes you feel like you wasted a good day. Make sure to wake up in the morning and get things done!
  2. Go for a walk. Put on your walking shoes and take a nice walk around your neighborhood. You never know where your feet might take you and see what new things you discover.
  3. Seek change if necessary. Maybe there’s something you want to need to change in order to start anew. Cut your hair, revamp your wardrobe, pick up a new hobby!
  4. No drinking or smoking for awhile. I realized during my time of anxiety, I was beginning to enjoy handling it with drinking and the occasional smoking and after awhile, I realized this wasn’t something I wanted to keep doing. Saying no to any substances, whether in a safe environment or a party setting, helps you gain back some control you weren’t having.
  5. Keep a journal. Keeping track of the things you’re feeling or going through on a day-to-day basis helps you not keep those things bottled up for an extended period of time.
  6. Eat/drink healthier foods. Personally, I feel better whenever I’m eating something good for me like fruits and vegetables and definitely when I’m drinking smoothies during a warm day. Knowing that I’m putting good things into my body helps me think of positive things.
  7. Have a support system. Having people in your circle who genuinely care about your well-being makes the bad feelings go away because sometimes, all you need to do is have someone who matters listen to you. Sometimes in cases with anxiety, people who have it feel worried that when expressing their anxiety to other people feel as if they are annoying them. Just having one or two people sit down with you to talk about it will help you out.
  8. Never leave school work to the last minute. With two 15-page papers being in the process of being finalized and handed in, it’s not ideal to leave them for the last minute. Make time for yourself to finish all your work so that you can finally start your little break away from school.
  9. Laugh often. Laughter is truly the best medicine; don’t deprive yourself of it.
  10. Do what makes you happy. Read a book, draw, exercise, sing, write; whatever puts your spirit in a good place, do it.
  11. Stop waiting for life to happen. Make sure you are doing something every single day that it’s helping you move forward so that the “waiting” doesn’t feel like waiting at all.
  12. Be kind to yourself. Remember, you are not perfect, no matter how badly your mind wants you to be. You are only human, and humans are definitely not capable of perfection, so stop trying to explain to yourself why you feel a certain way or why you’re behaving out. Accept that you are going through a rough time, but never let it take over your life.

if they can do it, you can do it. remember that. focus, determination, passion. invincible.:

-Liz (:

Topic Tuesdays: Random

Pros of Journaling.

liz

Screenshot 2017-03-19 at 11.13.05 AM.png

For the entirety of 2016, I decided that I was going to journal write every single day until the end of the year. For the most part, I kept up worth it and the 300+ page journal I kept is now completely full of memories, moments, and simply just thoughts I had at the time. By the time the year was ended, I realize just how much journaling the entire year helped me shape into the person that I always wanted to be.

People dismiss journaling because people classify it being something that “emotional” people do to cope with their emotions. Where, yes, it’s a place where you most likely write your emotions down whenever you’re feeling them, but journaling could be s helpful when things get a little too much to handle. Nowadays, people keep bullet journals to help organize their life and make sure it keeps them on track, so it’s not always about writing to your therapist named “Diary”. I kept a daily journal for an entire year for one reason and one reason only: to make me feel better.

I came into 2016 from having such a rocky and terrifying 2015. I felt like I was slowly losing who I was and I needed to change it ASAP. I decided that I was going to keep a daily journal that would document the year 2016. 2016 was an important year for me because for the main reason that in June, I was graduating college. Who would’ve thought that there was so much more that I actually documented that are now life-long memories? It’s crazy how life works that way.

I don’t know why I stopped after 2016 was over, but I did. I noticed that towards the end of the year, my entries sounded a lot more like Facebook status updates instead of things worth documenting, but even after that – journaling really helped improve my mental health tremendously. I know everyone isn’t a writer and may not feel it be necessary to write in a notebook without a reason, but doing so helps you “talk it out” with yourself with words.

Sometimes, all you need to do is to talk out your thoughts to put them out in the world. Journaling does that while also keeping them confidential, just in case there are just some things you don’t want someone knowing like a family problem or health problem. Personally, I was going through a lot of family problems before I started writing in a journal. Although journaling didn’t help the problems go away, it did make it easier to cope and deal with my feelings in a way that didn’t make me lash out in anger.

I also wanted to start journaling to physically see the change in myself once I finished the book in a year. Although I haven’t had the time to read 365 pages of entries, I know I saw the change in just a few of the posts that I wrote. I began to write about the happy things in my life, as well as look at myself through an unbiased lens. It’s weird because I felt like journaling made me into a “real person” again because the journal had memories and moments told in my perspective, which meant I had to trust myself enough to believe these things happened the way they did.

 

Journals of the past.

 

The fact of the matter is that I was always a journal writer. I’ve kept journals since I was 9 years old, the difference between those journals and the daily one I kept was that these other journals spoke about things that happened because of other people. “Oh, this girl told a nasty rumor about me and I was so close to beating her ass at lunch today.” “Oh my god, my crush finally kissed me in the rain!” They were about moments that involved me, yeah, but these became impersonal because they never truly showcased any growing I did over the years. I actually just recently threw away a lot of my old journals because of this very reason. Why did I want to keep journals that never represented my journey?

Besides my middle school journal, the only other journal I kept was my 2016 journal.

Sometimes, journaling just shows you the journey that you forget about being on once you’ve already been there.

Because it’s already too late into 2017 to start a daily journal for the year, I’m planning to strictly keep a summer one. Because 2018 is going to be another big year for me, I might just start another daily journal then, to document that year’s accomplishments and big events that I can’t wait to actually go through.

Pick up a pen and book and start writing. Trust me, it doesn’t hurt to try. 😉

-Liz (: