rant – Page 2 – Letters From Liz.

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH.

I don’t know about you guys, but I feel like April is just flying by us. It feels like I blinked and somehow we are on April 18th. I find it really crazy that in a month my last semester of school ends and that in a month and a half I graduate with my Masters. I am feeling all different types of emotions at the moment, so I decided to come on here and write what I write best:

Screenshot 2017-10-15 at 11.56.11 PM

I know many of you probably don’t read these posts solely because I tend to express some of the same ideas again and again: grad school, mental, health, blah blah blah. Maybe there are some of you who read to be informed or to relate to your own situations, but for the most part, these posts are mainly me just talking about what’s been on my mind, and for the past year or so, these topics have been on my mind.

Anyway, I’m writing this today as a reminder to my future self that the decision I made was the right one, despite currently feeling otherwise at this moment.

Last week, I finally spoke up to my doctor about my ongoing anxiety and requested to seek therapy.

I know I mention time and time again in my posts about mental health that those who need special attention with their mental health should not be/feel ashamed in seeking professional help. I preach this all the time, and yet it took me nearly two years to suck it up and finally ask for some help. It would’ve saved me so many restless nights of anxiety and crying spells if I just have spoken up sooner.

Guys, please don’t do what I did and wait. We are all different and the way we handle our own issues and situations vary as well. Just because I waited this long to reach out, doesn’t mean it was the right thing to do.

As a society, we are so quick to run to the emergency room or to our doctor when we physically don’t feel good. Got the flu? Doctor. Broke a bone? Doctor. Got a bad cough or a sore throat? Doctor. We are quick to check out the things that are physically hurting us, yet so many of us will live in the dark about our mental health. We deem our mental health as “self-curable” and the cure to a sad or gloomy day is positivity and smiles. It doesn’t work that way.

I’ve been that girl. I’ve analyzed my feelings and made myself believe that what I was feeling wasn’t that serious and that I was being overly dramatic. I told myself countless times over and over if I focused my energy on positivity and just smiled all day long, I would feel better. If I was having a good day, I forced myself to stay that way because I was tired of feeling sad. I overworked my mind and my body just so that I didn’t have to deal with all the bullshit that my mind likes to feed me, and I believed that once I went to seek for help, those around me would deem me as “weak” even though I knew that wasn’t true. I believed that I was a stronger person if I handled my own issues myself.

At the end of the day when the sun goes down and all the people around you go to sleep for the night and you’re up at 2 in the morning sitting in your bathroom crying for absolutely no fuckin’ reason and begin to feel anxiety creep on you yet you’re calm, you know what you’re telling yourself is a goddamn lie.

Some issues you can’t solve on your own because you just don’t understand how they occur, and I’ve had enough of trying to save myself when I already tried all that I could.

My first appointment for therapy is next Wednesday, and yeah I’m feeling more anxious than usual. I am out of my comfort zone and sharing with another person who does not know me the things that I haven’t even expressed in detail to my own family. It’s nerve-wracking and honestly, you are going to feel some level of shame at first and deem yourself as “crazy” because of the stigma mental health has.

Let me reassure you guys and even to myself that taking the first step of getting some professional help is probably the hardest part of the progress. You’ve acknowledged your mental health and you deemed it as significant if you’re bringing it up to your doctor. You’ve become aware of the fact that something just doesn’t feel right, and you decided that you are going to prioritize it and attempt to make it better. In no way shape or form, you’re now weak for speaking up about your mental health. In a sense, you are now a part of the movement that is trying to make mental health just as common and acceptable to talk about in society.

As for me, I hope that seeking help with my mental health allows me to gather some of myself back. I long for the days I could feel inspired and passionate about the things that drive me. I long for the days I smiled and laughed and stayed happy for months on end because I was genuinely happy. I long for the days that I had a better sense of who I was. I know many of these things are going to be long and tedious and will probably cause me even more anxiety the more I am forced to get out of my safe space/comfort zone, but I am ready to make a change. I’m ready to be a survivor to those who are simply not brave enough yet to speak up. I want to be an example to people. I want to tell the story about how I got through possibly the hardest time in my life as a young adult. I want to end that story with,

“here I am, better than ever.”

-Liz. (:

TNTH Related Stuff

Happy Thanksgiving! (& some other stuff to discuss.)

November 23, 2017November 22, 2017 liz

Screenshot 2017-11-22 at 12.39.12 AM.png

Hey guys, welcome back to TNTH.

Happy Thanksgiving, TNTH readers! Whether or not you celebrate the holiday, I hope everyone has a “first official day of the holiday season” and eat up all the food you want! I personally don’t look forward to Thanksgiving for the food; I really enjoy it for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade because it’s always been a tradition of mine to sit in the kitchen with my mother and watch the parade as she gets ready to start cooking the food. A typical Thanksgiving day for me is just that: watching the parade, the dog show, and doing homework for the rest of the day.

Also, Thanksgiving is definitely a day of reflection for me. It reminds me of the year as a whole and who I’m grateful for being here for me in the year. This year, I have a lot to be grateful for; this year my family and I personally went through a lot; so I’m grateful that even though we’ve all been through a lot, we still believe that the only people we’ll have in life are our family. I’m also incredibly grateful for Obie for continuously being there for me whenever I needed him the most. Thank you for being around when I’m happy, sad, stressed, anxious; pretty much thank you for being around 24/7. Seriously though, thank you for having such a kind heart, and thank you for allowing me to see that.

Of course, I am also grateful for the people who continuously show up and support me on TNTH, whether they know me personally or if you’re someone from around the world! I personally want to thank you all for supporting and reading TNTH for the last 11 months. it’s been an adventure writing for the blog and having the tiny community we have on here. Again, thank you for reading and for being a part of a journey that I had no intentions of going on when I started 2017!

Which brings me to my next topic:

TNTH isn’t officially back from hiatus. I just wanted to stop by and wish everyone a great day, and to let you all know that I have plans to make TNTH even bigger and better than it was before. But before I do that, I have to wrap up this semester! So, like I said before, TNTH will be back the week of December 18th!

If you’ve been here from the beginning, you would know that I launched TNTH on my 23rd birthday this year and in January 2018, it would be a year since I started the blog; I want to celebrate this milestone! As I mentioned on the TNTH Facebook Page, I’ve been following a content creator I’ve known since high-school, (you can find her on her Youtube channel and her social media accounts under “MermaidQueenJude” if you’re interested in seeing what she does) and she is currently daily blogging every single day for the month of November, and I really enjoyed following her along with it. I decided that for the entire month of January, I will be daily blogging on TNTH! I will finally have the time to write content for you guys, and the best time to celebrate my birthday month and TNTH’s anniversary month will be a “Blogaversary Month Thingymabob”. The name is pending.

If you’d like me to talk about something while doing this 31-day writing spree, please let me know either here, or under this post on the Facebook page!

Again, thank you guys for everything you’ve allowed me to express and talk about on this blog. This blog has opened a new door for my writing, and I hope I get to do something like this for the rest of my life.

I’ll see you guys in December! I got papers to finish! (and parades to watch and food to eat!)

-Liz. (:

Topic Tuesdays: Raw & Personal

Suicide Prevention Month.

September 19, 2017September 18, 2017 liz

Hey guys, welcome back to TNTH.

*Courtesy of University of Southern California*

September is known to be Suicide Prevention Month and before we go into October, forgetting about this issue due to Halloween and Fall leaves, I wanted to talk about this because this is something close to my heart. This is something that I will always fight for because even in 2017, we still live in a world where we associate suicide with weakness and selfishness. We still believe that suicide is something people want to do.

The first thing to realize about suicide is that people attempt and commit to it not because they want to end their lives. They commit suicide because they want to end the pain.

Take it from a girl who’s been on both sides of the story.

Continue reading “Suicide Prevention Month.” →

Self-Appreciation Saturdays

SAS: Be Proud of your Creative Arts Major! (9/16/17)

September 16, 2017September 14, 2017 liz

Hey, guys. Welcome back to TNTH!

With the school year now in full force, it’s common to meet new people and classmates in your classes. From experience, I realize that after asking someone new what their name is, the second question that follows is usually “what’s your major?”

It’s amazing just how quickly their expression changes when you tell them you’re pursuing a degree in performing/creative arts. It’s like you can feel the judgment through their eyes, and it’s such an uncomfortable feeling.

It’s sad that we live in a world (or a city like NYC) that as young adults, we have to choose our paths according to how practical it is and how much money we will be making in the future. The purpose of higher education is to develop people as intellectuals in order to make it in the real world. With that being said, a lot of people gear towards majors that are very financially promising: business, pre-med, biology, psychology, social work, education, nursing, etc. Those who tend to pursue a degree in anything that’s creative are usually frowned upon on. In most cases, most people view those majors as those that people who are not “that smart” pick because “it’s easier”. It’s not dealing with logic and math and science and every other major that umbrellas under that division.

I am an English major. Even more so, I’ve been an English Major for the last 6 academic years. On the outside, it looks practical. It’s broad enough so that most people assume you’re pursuing English for a practical career. In the six years I’ve been around other English majors, I’ve noticed many of them pursue English to teach public school and eventually on the college level. It’s a common goal for pursuing a degree in a subject; I bet other subject-related majors have students who want to teach with their degrees.

Me, on the other hand, don’t want to teach English. I didn’t get my bachelor’s in English to teach and I’m not pursuing my Master’s in English to teach. I do not want to teach.

I want to write.

Continue reading “SAS: Be Proud of your Creative Arts Major! (9/16/17)” →

The Travel Diaries, Topic Tuesdays: Random

Travel Diary: Poughkeepsie, NY.

July 18, 2017August 7, 2018 liz

*View of “Walking Across the Hudson”: Poughkeepsie, NY.*

Friday, June 14th – The Departure

After spending most of the week preparing and getting nervous for going away with Obie for the first time, it was finally time to leave and start our 3-hour ride to Poughkeepsie. My bag felt like it was overpacked because, by the time I left, I felt the almost 20 pounds weighing on my shoulder. We met up halfway to Grand Central because – let’s face it – Grand Central Station is huge. When we finally met up though, I felt the butterflies in my stomach. This was my first getaway trip with Obie; and for an anxious person like myself, I’m always thinking the most impossible “what if” scenarios whenever I do something for the first time. Anyway, we got on the subway to Grand Central, and thankfully found the ticket booth. Obie and I looked up at the departure times and saw that The Hudson Line to Poughkeepsie was departing in 5 minutes. We looked at each other and booked it to Track 33; we made it just in time.

The actual Metro-North train ride there wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Obie was asleep for most of the ride, and I just listened to music while looking out at the view. It was cloudy on Friday, so when the train was near the Hudson River, it was foggy and cloudy and the water was calm and untouchable. I regret not taking a picture, but it really reminded me of the scenery of The Killing. Oddly, it was satisfying and beautiful to see. It was as beautiful as Obie described it.

By the time we got to Poughkeepsie, Obie and I walked over to the infamous store that he kept talking about when he went to Poughkeepsie previously. This corner store on the outside gave me some serious Pennsylvania vibes. Anyway, we got all the snacks that we needed for the night, all the drinks as well, and then we finally walked back to his niece’s apartment. When I tell you the apartment is possibly the most legit apartment ever… yeah. It’s a two-floor apartment with three bedrooms and two bathrooms, a nice little kitchen and dining area and living room. It was really such a chill place. She has two kids, so the kids have their own room, she and her boyfriend have the third one, so Obie and I slept in the living room on the couch. I don’t know we did it, but we did it. Friday we all just chilled and watched movies and rap battle and just macked.

Saturday, July 15th – The Sunburn and “Lituation”

Obie and I woke up around 9 in the morning, and we just relaxed and ate before we all decided to go to the park down the road with the kids. Not realizing it was going to be like 90 degrees, your girl had on a vest and jeans on. On top of that, the park that we went to had absolutely no shade, so I ended up with a slight sunburn on my face and my arms. I don’t know how the guys played basketball for 2 hours in that heat, but they were playing 2 vs. 2 with some other ball players in the park. I can tell when Obie gets competitive on the court; he moves more carefully and gets pretty rowdy, but it was a good couple of games. During the time I was sitting there and burning my skin off, Obie’s 5-year-old nephew, Cam, gave me a cute tiny flower. He is such a little sweetheart.

**12:35pm***: The tiny flower artsy picture.*

*Basketball Court in the Park: Poughkeepsie, NY*

After being in the park for the entire afternoon, Obie and I were the first to leave to head back to the infamous store (we went in there like 5 times in 3 days, to be honest), and go back to the apartment. We automatically took our well-needed showers because hello – he was sweaty from basketball and I was sweaty from baking out in the sun.

**2:39pm:** *The best Obie pictures are the off-guard ones.*

We both ate some lunch and immediately knocked out on the sofa together for a couple of hours… we’re that couple that sleeps most of our hours away together. Later that day, all four adults played Spades. Prior to this weekend, I’ve watched Obie play Spades with his friends back at his apartment and never played because I didn’t know how to play. So, Obie had to teach me and his niece’s boyfriend had to teach her. At first, I made some minor mistakes, but after playing a couple of games I was getting really good at it. I mean REALLY good. As #TeamCozy, we won most of the books in the game and now I’m slightly obsessed and want to play more. After that we all made dinner and everyone went upstairs while Obie and I chilled in the living room and watched some Netflix before quickly knocking out.

Sunday, July 16th – Relaxation & Going Home

Obie and I woke up around 10 o’clock in the morning and literally just relaxed until we couldn’t take the sounds of our grumbling stomachs. We both got dressed and went to the infamous store one last time to pick up a couple of goodies for our ride home later that night. Side note: Obie has been raving about these chips since this prior trip to Poughkeepsie and telling me how amazing they were. I finally got to try them and my god they are amazing. They are called “Rap Snacks”, specifically this flavor is his favorite.

*The infamous Rap Snacks from Poughkeepsie.*

After picking us up some Rap Snacks, we walked to the train station to get our tickets just so that we don’t have to rush when we finally decide to take off. We then got some pizza to take back to the apartment and from there we just chilled in the apartment until it was time to leave. Again, we took like a 5-hour nap that afternoon, and by the time we woke back up, it was time to get our things together to head back to the city. His niece took us to the train station, and from there we got on. We were heading back to the city; the vacation was coming to an end.

**8:50pm***: Train ride back to the City.*

We got back into the city at 10:30 at night, and from there we took the subway back into Brooklyn where Obie had called me an Uber to take me home. The Uber came, he kissed me goodbye, and the rest is history. I got home roughly around 11:30, and I was literally so tired that I ate some dinner and knocked out.

Reliving the weekend through this post is really making me think just how much fun I had this weekend. It wasn’t anything extreme, but I literally felt like I came back to the city as a brand new person. It almost felt like a cleanse; all the negative energy I had in me due to my surroundings and situations just washed off of me when I was in Poughkeepsie. I think I’ll always remember this weekend as one of the greater days I had in a really long time, and I hope from here Obie and I go on more trips together. We talked about going back to Poughkeepsie one day and do the things we didn’t get to do; one of them is to walk on the “Walking Across the Hudson” bridge. This weekend made me realize just how much I want to use my summers as a way to go on road trips and travel all over, and honestly, the only person I’d want to come with me is Obie. I want to see the world together with him. Cheesy, but so honest and true.

And that’s how my weekend in Poughkeepsie went.

-Liz (:

Voiceless Rant: The Series

A Voiceless Rant: July 2017 Edition.

July 11, 2017February 8, 2018 liz

I promised I’d be honest with myself.

I promised that I was going to live my life acknowledging every single emotion I was feeling and make it a priority because I lived in the dark for too long regarding them. I always believed that showing your emotions and putting them on the back burner was the “adult” thing to do. I realized it was not. I realized that in order to handle the good and bad in your life, you have to prioritize emotions from both sides of the spectrum. That’s right, no more showcasing only the good emotions and ignoring the bad ones. That’s not who I am and I refuse to conform to those “social norms” where communication is slowly dying. I refuse to play make-believe and pretend that the easiest way to a better life is simply just smiling in everyone’s face.

This isn’t a negative perspective, it’s a realistic one.

Continue reading “A Voiceless Rant: July 2017 Edition.” →

Tag: rant

A Voiceless Rant: April 2018 Edition.