Voiceless Rant: The Series

A Voiceless Rant: June 2019 Edition.

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

How is everyone enjoying June so far? Schools almost out, vacations are around the corner, and Summer 2019 officially rings in this week!

With that being said: a new month means a new installment of…

voiceless rant

So, here’s a little backstory for the inspiration of this post: I was scrolling through my Instagram explore page and read a screenshot Twitter thread story (by TOBINSCO) about a man who decided to treat himself out one night to a five-star restaurant. He orders his meal but notices that the group of people that arrived before him ordered, and received their meals before he did. Wondering where his meal is, he asked the waiter that he’s been in the restaurant longer than the group in front of them have and hasn’t received his meal yet. The waiter responds, “Sir, your meal is being prepared by the top chef in the restaurant; your meal is special.” Not too long after, the top chef and 6 waiters come out with his meal, changed his simple order into a special one, and found out that the owner of the hotel that the restaurant was in was a long lost family member and was so happy to see this man’s face. He concludes the thread by stating:

Some people are ahead of you and are eating now, laughing at you and talking about how they are better, wiser, and smarter than you, how they are blessed, well connected, have money, and are enjoying life. You are waiting tirelessly wondering why it’s taking so long to break through. You endure mockery and humiliation. Maybe you have contemplated suicide, gone through depression, or suffered severe mental anxiety. Don’t worry! The owner of the world has seen you and doesn’t want you to be served a simple meal like those making a mockery of you. You are waiting long because yours is a special meal. It takes time to prepare. And, only chief chefs prepare them. Relax and wait for your meal.

Relax and wait for your meal. The owner of the world has seen you and doesn’t want you to be served a simple meal. You’re waiting long because yours is a special meal.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to tell you that just because yours hasn’t arrived yet, doesn’t mean it isn’t going to. It’s just taking more time to get to you, but at the end of the day, it will come. And I honestly have to keep telling myself that during this time in my life.

Personally, I’ve been really impatient about my “break-through” and quite frustrated about it for various reasons. A lot of it has to do with the fact that you see everyone you know living their “best lives” and growing into themselves, and it just feels like my “best life” is taking forever to come. Many of us may feel this way, shoot even the people who are portraying their lives on social media as “their best” may not feel that’s even their best in real life, and I know for a fact that there are people who look at me and may think I’m living my best life for the accomplishments I’ve made as a 25-year-old. In a nutshell, we all think other people are living their best lives and never believe that we are making any progress in our own lives. We are making progress even if we don’t see it, but we always want more, and we always want to feel like our hard work is paying off. 

So, when opportunities are guided towards our way, we tend to think that maybe, just maybe, this is the thing we need to feel that sense of accomplishment, or taking that big of risk could open another layer of our lives to the point of life-changing. Recently, I was guided towards an opportunity that I definitely had to think long and hard for: is this really what I want to do? Is this my big break? Is this just another lesson of life that will bring me closer to my break-through? Will it just be a big mistake? The questions are endless. And even then, I’m not even sure if this would be the right thing for me to do.

Not all opportunities are meant to be life-changing, but ALL opportunities are meant to help you grow and guide you towards the path where your “special meal” is.

Lemme explain.

A lot of the opportunities I’ve had in the past, whether or not I took them, helped me find out the things I’m now passionate about, connect me with some really awesome people to work with, and are even possibly leading me in the direction that I ultimately belong in. Long story short, if I didn’t take those two summer classes during my junior year of college, I wouldn’t have graduated on time; if I didn’t get rejected from the graduate film school I applied for AND if I didn’t take the opportunity to get my Master’s degree at my college, I wouldn’t have gotten my Master’s, I wouldn’t have learned what I did in those courses, I wouldn’t have written the MA Thesis that I did, and I now wouldn’t have gotten the chance to work on and publish my thesis in an academic journal. It’s the literal butterfly effect. 

Maybe all of this is leading me to my breakthrough. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe my breakthrough is hidden within a major life change I still have to make. Maybe it’s still a yearly process to get to my breakthrough. Honestly, who the hell knows, but always remember just because yours hasn’t come yet, doesn’t mean it never will. Don’t be so quick to give up on your dreams, talents, and passions because yours is taking a little longer than everyone else’s. Don’t be fooled by the fast-paces of this world, the coverups social media influences, and the constant competition. Screw everyone else’s process, you are on your own. 

And I really do try to live by my own mantras and advice because it’s a matter of simply practicing what I preach. It’s funny, because in one of my therapy sessions, my therapist summed up pretty quickly that I am able to see faith in those around me who are struggling and give them some insight that everything is going to be just fine, yet it feels like I can’t be my own cheerleader and tell myself the same exact thing, no matter how similar the situations may be. I pretty much responded with, “if you were to define me in a sentence, that would be it.” 

It’s honestly a matter of believing in yourself and believing that you are worthy of good things by putting in hard work, your determination, and everything else that you are confident about putting on the table. Hard work never really goes to waste in life, it’s only when you’ve stopped trying that it does.

So be patient with your special meal. It’s probably going to be the best meal of your life when it arrives at your table.

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Overexposed: A Self-Love Project.

Overexposed: Being the Skinny Girl’s “Fat Friend.”

liz

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We’ve all seen it in the movies: two best friends, one skinny and the other one fat, and they have a pretty good relationship with one another. They’ve probably been friends since their childhood and they’ve been inseparable since.

The skinny one is usually the main character though, who probably falls in love with the popular guy at school (that’s actually dating the blonde-haired mean girl who’s captain of the cheerleading squad) and then there’s her fat friend, being the one depicted as the weird, quirky girl that would body slam anyone who messes with her skinny friend.

Where’s my friggin Academy Award. 

Hi, my name is Liz, and I’m the “fat friend” in this narrative.

For most of my childhood and adolescence years, I had numerous best friends. All were pretty diverse if you ask me: Puerto Rican, Mexican, Chinese, Dominican, Pakistani, Jamaican, Irish – you name it. But, many of these friends had something in common: they were skinny. Sure, I’ve had a couple of chubby chicks as my best friends in the days, and we conquered whatever life handed to us at that moment, but ultimately, they were skinny. I was never envious of them being skinny; to be quite frank, that never even crossed my mind. Still, it doesn’t mean that our differences in our appearance didn’t feel like a burden.

Being the “fat friend”, I never got to experience the whole “can I borrow your sweater?” or the whole “I have a pair of pajamas you can wear for the night!” scenario. One skinny girl pant leg would probably stop at my shin, I kid you not. It was sort of frustrating to see a group of girls wear the same shirt or wear each other’s clothes, and I mean being skinny came in handy when your period came unexpectedly and now you have a big blood stain on the back of your jeans. 

I had to have numerous family members come to hand-deliver clothes to me, in the main office, in front of everyone, whenever I bled through a pair of jeans.

Also, being the “fat friend” also meant that you’d hear at least the words “fat bitch” come from your own friends if you guys were in an argument with one another. I had a friend in grade school tell another friend of ours that I was a “fat bitch” because I was giving her an attitude during lunchtime. I mean, what was I supposed to say? “Oh, get over it, you skinny bitch!”

Being the biggest girl in a group of girls was always discouraging because it constantly feels like you’re the ugliest one in the group and you feel like they only have you around to make themselves feel better. “Oh, I have such bad acne this week, but at least I’m not fat 24/7″…

Okay, I’m exaggerating a bit, but you get where I’m coming from.

I think the hardest pill I had to swallow during those years was boys. Boy, I was a hopeless romantic and I had tons of crushes on boys. Boys were always a tricky thing with friends, and there were lots of times where both my friends and I had the same crush on a boy in our grade. There were also countless times that my friends dated the boy I had a crush on after openly knowing I liked them too, and there were times when I confessed to me liking a boy to that boy and getting the response of: “You’re not really my type, but can you give my AIM screenname to your friend?”

Being the “fat friend” in my younger years contributed to the self-hate I had for my body growing up, and it’s taken… what, a decade to stop hating the body that I have.

I don’t blame those skinny friends for the self-hatred of my body; I blame the society norms, the portrayal in the media, and the friendzone that we fat girls lived in for most of our adolescent years.

As a 25-year-old woman with not so many friends due to past trauma and the development of my social anxiety disorder, I’m learning to be my own damn fat friend. We’re both fat, we’re both gorgeous, and we’re both striving!

Plus, it’s 2019 – the fat friend in the movies is just as valid as everyone else too!

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Topic Tuesdays: Random

Is Learning a New Language Considered “Cultural Appropriation”?

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, my self-judgment has been speaking to me as of late. As a matter of fact, she’s been screaming at me for the last couple of weeks as I started to partake in a new hobby: learning a new skill. Although I try to not listen to her, I can’t help but see some truth in the things she says. I mean, a self-judgment side usually tries to twist some truth in your beliefs or make you change something that you’re doing, right?

She has accused me of engaging in “cultural appropriation.”

Lemme explain.

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For the last couple of weeks, I started to teach myself how to read and write in Korean. I decided that after being frustrated in waiting for English subtitles to be written and released for my favorite girl group variety shows and competition shows, I wanted to see if I could at least understand the characters, Hangul, that is used in Korean. So, I downloaded Duolingo (#notsponsored) and started to learn the Korean Alphabet. As of this moment of me writing this, I’ve learned the consonants, vowels, and native Korean numbers pretty well and currently learning some essential words and sentence structure, which is quite hard to learn on your own, in my opinion. 

As happy as I am learning a new skill and keeping my mind productive and busy, I do sometimes feel as if I’m engaging in cultural appropriation. Am I learning this new language for the right reasons? Am I now this “koreaboo”? Why am I so embarrassed to share the fact to my family and friends that I’m learning Korean?” It’s this weird, complex situation where I’m interested in learning the language due to my interests, but ultimately sticking by it to build a new skill and gain a new hobby to keep my mind productive and out of the places where my anxiety could heighten. But, I do understand what the self-judgment is coming from.

You see, in this Quora forum, the question exists, and many of the people in the forum talk about how ridiculous it is for people to possibly think that learning a new language (which in NYC is mandatory to take a language class in both high school and college), is now considered to be a form of cultural appropriation. The top answer to on this forum comes from a linguist actually, and he does an amazing job explaining how in certain cases, it could be seen as cultural appropriation.

He explains that in certain scenarios, learning a language can be seen as cultural appropriation. For example, a classroom full of anime lovers learning Japanese could be seen as cultural appropriation because the only thing they really know about the Japanese culture is its anime. Another example is learning an endangered language (one that is becoming extinct, like Hawaiian) just to “save” the language from dying out. Another interesting example (which I didn’t even consider) is learning a language for job-related purposes, like a translator or interpreter, ultimately taking the place meant for a native Korean speaker. He explains in cases where you are learning more universal languages (i.e. English) and other big languages (typically the ones you learn in high school/college courses) it isn’t considered cultural appropriation.

So, where do I personally stand?

To be quite honest with you, I think I’ll always believe I’m in the unfamiliar gray area of the scenario. While my interest in Kpop and Korean shows influenced me into specifically learning Korean, I’m also in no ways trying to appear more Korean or pass as being Korean, nor am I practicing their ideas, beliefs, or think their culture is superior to every other culture. As for the definition of cultural appropriation, it’s “the unacknowledged or inappropriate adoption of the customs, practices, ideas, etc. of one people or society by members of another and typically more dominant people or society.”

I just simply want to learn the language and find the process to be really good for my mental health. That is all.

So, is learning a new language considered cultural appropriation? It’s crazy to think that in certain scenarios, it could be. To believe that wanting to learn a new language for the sake of learning a new language is now a part of the spectrum of cultural appropriation really does baffle me. Are we all really engaging in it in our language classes all these years?

What do you guys think?

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Overexposed: A Self-Love Project.

Overexposed: Intervention with Pepsi.

liz

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Hello, my name is Liz, and I’m a Pepsiholic.

This is my intervention.

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love with Pepsi. Maybe it was even before I was born; you know how when mothers are pregnant with their children and they eat or drink something constantly through that pregnancy and the children come out loving that specific food/drink?

No? Maybe I just made that up to justify my unhealthy relationship with Pepsi.

My earliest memory with the beverage dates back to my childhood; my two front teeth were rotten due to the fact that I liked to drink Pepsi out of a baby bottle way later than I should have. I don’t understand how, nor why Pepsi is a literal addiction for me, but it was, it still is, and it’s honestly the #1 cause of me gaining weight all these years.

I’ve tried to kick the old habit for years now, and if quitting smoking feels the way that it feels quitting Pepsi, then I now understand why it’s almost impossible to quit smoking. Addiction is addiction no matter what it is, and mine so happens to be the sugary concoction that is Pepsi.

The first time I quit Pepsi for good, I didn’t drink it for almost a year. Then I turned 20 years old and decided to have a celebratory drink of Pepsi and bam, back at it again with the constant soda drinking.

Like an addiction, I have a love/hate relationship with the beverage. For starters, it tastes so good after a long day of whatever you were doing, yet I know how bad it is for me and is probably the #1 cause of why I’m now considered pre-diabetic at the age of 25.

Maybe I should’ve listened to my father when he told me at the age of 12 that I’ll get diabetes if I don’t lose weight…

Anyway, it’s something I’m not proud of, but I acknowledge that it’s a problem. No matter how many times I try to quit cold turkey, it’s never a good time.

But, at least I’m trying.

Instead of hating myself and blaming my body for not being able to just pee the goddamn drink out like the skinny consumers of Pepsi probably do, I’m learning that with time, I’ll drink less and less until I just don’t feel like it. Of course, in hindsight, that sounds ridiculous, that’s like telling an alcoholic they can only drink in moderation, but quite frankly this is Pepsi we’re talking about. I know that drinking more water will help me feel way more hydrated and full, and yeah, maybe a glass of soda with my dinner could be the reward I get for staying away from it!

As you can see, this is still an ongoing problem of mine, but I will not link the disgust of my growing fat to my Pepsi addiction. I simply can’t; cutting out Pepsi isn’t going to automatically make me 100 pounds lighter. And that’s the problem I encountered in the past: thinking that Pepsi was causing me to gain so much weight. 

Cutting out Pepsi from my life will probably only help me stay diabetes-free for longer, and that’s what I need to focus on when trying to quit drinking Pepsi. This idea that it’ll make me lose weight simply isn’t true; sure it will stop me from gaining more weight, but cutting one thing out of my diet isn’t going to do it.

So, after all of this, what am I really going to do with this Pepsi addiction?

Well, a couple of things:

  • Stop linking the idea of cutting out Pepsi with this automatic weight-loss; it simply isn’t going to happen.
  • Drink it in moderation to train myself that I don’t really need to drink it 24/7.
  • Lastly, stop punishing myself for gaining weight because once again, drinking Pepsi is not the only thing that is causing weight gain, nor I stop drinking it will solve my weight problem.

But what do I know, maybe I’m just justifying my addiction like any other addict.

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Topic Tuesdays: Raw & Personal

SAD: One Year Later.

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz.

It’s crazy to believe that we are already in month six of 2019, and about to start the summer season in a couple of weeks. It just comes to show just how fast time goes, and the same is true reflecting back on this time last year.

On June 6th, 2018, I was officially diagnosed with social anxiety disorder.

Social anxiety is probably one of the biggest disorders people have nowadays for many different reasons. While social anxiety can be “cured”, there are some cases where it can’t be; it’s chronic. My social anxiety is chronic.

I wasn’t surprised when I first got the diagnosis; a part of me always knew that I had some form of social anxiety, and as the years went on, it just got worse. To finally get the diagnosis didn’t really change how I felt, it just made a lot of things more clear – especially the things I was confused about.

It doesn’t mean that life got easier.

To be quite honest, the diagnosis made things a lot worse for me because it was hard for me to adjust to the fact that this wasn’t just “anxiety everyone deals with”, I experience anxiety on a clinical level, and adjusting to that while trying to explain to my loved ones what was happening was a difficult transition.

After many confusing nights and days where I felt misunderstood, I started to regret even getting the diagnosis. You got the diagnosis and just ran with it, Liz.

In simpler words, I didn’t know how to live with this new information and accept it for what it was. It took me getting on medication and some intense therapy sessions to finally realize and ultimately tell myself that I am not my anxiety, I just have it, and it’s going to take a long time to adjust being more aware of my own unique patterns and behaviors regarding my anxiety.

A year later, and I’m definitely doing a lot better, and I really have to thank the process of going to therapy and taking my medication. I say this, in all honesty: yeah, I’m going to have my episodes where I don’t want to do anything but lay in bed and escape the stressors of the world, but those days don’t last as long as they used to.

Quick story about the epiphany I had about my progress: Last week in therapy, I explained to my therapist that the day before my partner’s birthday, he had a couple of family and friends come over to ring in his birthday with him at midnight and although being in a social setting like that with a handful of people would normally be overwhelming for me, that night my anxiety didn’t even cross my mind. Talking about it made it more real for me, and before even speaking about it it didn’t register as progress, but I left her office feeling so proud of myself for being able to socially interact with other people without feeling any sort of anxiety. It’s definitely moments like that where I feel like I made the right decision to seek therapy a year ago.

Of course, I am far from the end. My mental health journey does not end once I conquer just one aspect of my anxiety. I’m still a working progress, and I hope that with the months to come in 2019 that I am able to conquer those other aspects, and truly see the growth from now, until then.

Of course, my experience with therapy isn’t the ideal experience for therapy; it’s uniquely my own. Not everyone is going to have a positive outlook on therapy and maybe therapy isn’t in the plan of their own healing. I still do believe, though, that everyone who is going through a hardship in their life that they can’t get through on their own should at least try therapy to see how it feels for them. Some will be successful, and others may not. It’s about how the process works for every single individual.

Personally speaking, it’s been some of the hardest work I’ve done, yet some of the greatest work I’ve done in my life.

I really do have to thank my sibling, Megan, for continuously telling me I should seek out therapy for the issues I was having late 2017 into 2018 due to grad school. Of course, I wish I took their advice earlier when I was actually in grad school, but things happen for a reason, and I believe I had to go through what I went through in grad school to get where I’m at now.

I also want to thank my therapist, Cathy, or getting to know me as a person and telling me without a doubt the truth to the situations and behaviors I was experiencing. She taught me a lot on how to fight my inner demons and I’ve told her some of my darkest trauma secrets, yet she is still there to help me get through them along the way. Although she is now on maternity leave for the season, I really cannot wait to show (and tell her) the progress I’ve made since she’s been away.

I also wanted to thank my temporary therapist, for the time being, Andrea, for taking the time to get to know me and try to pick up where I last left off. Although it took some time to get comfortable with her and allow her into my “world”, as I say, she’s has been a major help and always keeps the atmosphere lively and energetic. I’m definitely in the right hands until I return back to my regular therapist.

And the support I’ve gotten from my family and my partner: it means the world to me that I have people in my life willing to understand my SAD, depression, and not judge me for it. I appreciate the efforts that you guys go through to understanding and support.

So, with that being said, here’s to going on year two of bettering myself and my mental health.

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Overexposed: A Self-Love Project.

Overexposed: The Foundation.

liz

It could be hard loving yourself, especially being a size 26 knowing that you were a size 20 when you were out of high-school. Sometimes, looking at yourself in old pictures isn’t about missing the memories behind them, you look at them because you think you were prettier back then and now you’re just this “fat blob of a woman.”

But then I remember that I was thinking the same thing even when taking this picture. The deal is: weight doesn’t define self-love.

Hello. I’m Liz, and I am a fat girl with some deep-rooted issues.

Welcome to my world.

I come from a family of Italians and Puerto Rican’s. While my Puerto Rican family is not fat, my Italian side is, and I guess my sister and I just got that “fat gene” in the family. When we were younger, nobody cared if little Liz was chubby; she was a baby, and being a chubby baby met that you were the cutest thing in the world. But then you get older and that same family tells you that you’re getting bigger. “You should lose some weight”. “She’s gotten heavier since I last saw her.” And my personal favorite: “I’ll pay you $100 if you lose 100 pounds.” I’m not joking, that’s a true story.

We have this idea that fat is ugly, fat is bad, and fat is something that you shouldn’t want to have a lot of. We get fed these bullshit ideas that you can lose 16 pounds in 4 weeks (right, Jenny Craig advertisement in Bay Ridge?) and hear other people’s bullshit stories on how they are so much happier being “skinny” and “a couple of dress sizes smaller.”

And I fell for it time after time, thinking I was ugly, that my depression or sadness stemmed from a place of being fat, thinking that skipping meals and drinking only water in middle school would help me get skinny and stop being bullied by my own friends, and thinking that being skinny would stop making me be everyone’s second choice.

So as I got older and as I got fatter, I stopped caring, in all honesty. I stopped holding my body accountable for growing in the way that it does. Could I eat healthier? Of course. Could I be more active? Sure. But those things aren’t going to ultimately help me lose the 100+ pounds that won’t consider me “obese” on the “average height and weight chart.”

My body can’t even get to be that small even if it’s the ideal “weight for my height”, and I learned that from witnessing a family member of mine battle anorexia a couple of years ago.

Yeah, who would’ve thought that projecting this idea of “I’m happy being skinner” could cause eating disorders?

As of this moment, I am focused on loving my body in the skin that it’s in, whether it’s in a size 20, size 26, or in the baggier size 30.

This isn’t just a fat girl story learning to love her body. This is a story on how a fat girl learned that her self-worth isn’t measured in dress sizes, real romance isn’t just a skinny person’s privilege, and that respect, power, and confidence could walk in a body like mine.

This a project about self-love.

To build yourself up after years of abandonment is challenging; you don’t know where to start, you have to clean up the mess that’s gathered over the years, and ultimately you have to create the foundation in order to start building things up strong and tall.

And this is the story of how it began.

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Monthly Favorites

May 2019 Favorites & Highlights!

liz

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Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

First and foremost, I wanted to wish my partner an amazing birthday; we met when he was 17 and to think he’s now 27 seriously baffles me. I’m forever grateful that despite everything that we go through, he’s been by my side & again, to think I’ve known him for a decade baffles me, but I’m glad I have because he’s amazing and the person he’s grown/growing into is a beautiful one.

I also wanted to congratulate my co-writer for our ongoing project, Rosanne, for getting married this past weekend! I hope she enjoys her time in Japan for her honeymoon! Totes jealous, but I can’t wait to hear about the beautiful sights she got to see on her trip!

Lastly, I wanted to congratulate the Class of 2019; specifically, the English MA students who I got the pleasure of working with and studying with during my time as a grad student. I know how surreal it feels to be finally done with your graduate studies, and I couldn’t be more proud of you guys!

Needless to say, May is a very exciting month. Yes, even last year was just as eventful!

So, without further ado, let’s dive into some of the highlights of the month and some things I’ve been obsessed with!

Highlights:

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Earlier this month was the 2nd Annual BCS Showcase and the second year that The Eliminators Dance Crew performed. This group, coached by my partner, honestly gets better as the years go. The steps get more tedious, the music mix they dance to gets more articulate, and the experience just gets better. I know how hard he works to get these girls together and dance, and the work definitely shows at every performance. As for the other performers, I give them extreme props for getting up on stage to perform their talent, whether that was dancing, singing, and even rapping! The arts are needed in these public schools, and these shows are one way to keep it alive. That’s the mission.

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I’m learning Korean! For the longest time, I wanted to learn a new language. For a while, I was learning Italian when I was an undergrad in college. Once it got too hard, I sort of stopped, and it’s been a while since I studied another language. Because of my genuine interest in Kpop and the shows that surround it (which is mentioned later in this list), I wanted to at least learn how to read and write in Korean. As of now, I’m a serious beginner; I am currently learning the 18 consonants and 21 vowels (yeah, you heard right) in the Korean Alphabet. But, thanks to watching Korean variety shows and Kpop interviews, I know how to say “hi” in Korean! 안녕하십니까!

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I’m working on my next big project, which is publishing my Master’s Thesis in an academic journal! Back in December of last year, I brought up the possibility of co-writing a journal article with my former thesis advisor. She was interested in working with me on this new project, and here we are, putting that into action! Currently, we are both doing some heavy research and readings on some scholars to potentially use to revamp it and update the content, and is it weird to say that I’m actually excited to do so again?! May 2018 Liz would slap me, seriously. But, this is honestly the type of work I’m truly so excited to read and work on the content that I fell in love with in the first place.

Favorites:

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Dress Liz is in full effect. In NYC, we had a couple of warm, summer-like days and it gave me the opportunity to try out these dresses I bought for the warmer weather. I feel really pretty in them, and I’m honestly kicking myself asking why I didn’t do this sooner? I think I just stopped caring what other people may say about my image, so here I am, rocking a pixie cut and wearing a nice, summery dress!

Alright, here comes the Kpop stuff:

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프로듀스 X 101! So, Produce 48 was the third season of the “Produce” franchise, and it’s the program that put together girl group, IZ*ONE. I was so hooked on that season, that I gave this new season, which is now looking for the next boy group, a try. Two episodes in and I’m already hooked. There are so many more elements that contribute to this season to spice up the show a bit, and I genuinely like the boys enough to actually stan the winners when they doubt later this year. So, as they say together:

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Onto some Kpop music obviously…

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TWICE’s 7th Mini Album, FANCY YOU, was *e v e r y t h i n g.* April left us Kpop fans which a lot of music to enjoy this month. Pretty much all my favorite girl groups made a comeback, and yes, one of them happened to be TWICE. Music wise, I think this album is the best out of all of their discography because each song is an honest hit. Any of the songs could’ve been their title track. Although “FANCY” is a great title track to show off their more mature side, my favorite track is “HOT“, which was completely written by Twice’s own Momo! 모모 화이팅! The album regarding its physical copies, I think it could’ve been a lot better. I just feel like it wasn’t that thought out and put together very last minute, which is a shame because I would honestly love to buy this album because the entire album has amazing songs, so it does leave me conflicted! Needless to say, I suggest everyone stream this album because it’s just so good!

 

And that’s that! What were some of your personal favs this May?

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Self-Appreciation Saturdays

SAS: Importance of Mental Health Check-Ins. (5/25/19)

liz

self-appreciation saturday

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Being the last Saturday of May, I wanted to use this time to speak about the importance of this particular subject; it being because May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

Let’s ask this simple question: have you done a mental health check-in this month?

I ask because it’s something that I believe a lot of us glance over, and we seem to only “check-in” when things are already bad. I know in the past, I didn’t check in until things got really bad, and I honestly believe that a lot of my “dark places” could’ve been avoided if I checked in with myself a lot more frequently.

Mental health check-ins are important because they make you more self-aware of the behaviors you’re distributing and how you are handling the situations currently going on in your life. To even take a couple of minutes out of your day to reflect on the things that you felt or went through that particular day can be so helpful to keep yourself balanced and keep your mental health in a healthier place.

Some of the things we should ask ourselves when we do some mental health check-ins could be:

  • Did I do anything to relax my mind today? I know for those who are in school and those who work full-time jobs, it’s very easy to not give your mind a break, and in more serious cases, many of us could become burnt out, which could cause your mental health to become worse. During my grad school days, my mental health quickly worsened because I was allowing myself not to have those breaks in between assignments and final papers. Moving forward in life, whether that be doing job hunting our research for my next project, I am more aware of the signs that my mind and body are telling me that I need a break from what I’m working on. Also, I now know that it’s okay to take those breaks: work smarter, not harder. 
  • Why did that one thing ruin my day? Sometimes, I allow bad moments to ruin my day, and I’ve realized I never asked myself why did that one thing ruin my day? Was it a mood-related thing? Was it something that I let get to me? Was it something I could’ve handled when it happened? Reflecting back on the event that could’ve turned my day sour allows you to become more aware of your behaviors and reactions to that specific event. For example: A couple of weeks ago, I started one of my days on a good note, but as soon as I went to my therapy session and something that was discussed made me feel judged, I’ve allowed it to ruin my entire day. Coming out of that funk took longer than I would’ve liked, but I know that in the long run, I know to not allow my anxieties about people judging me to ruin my day. Of course, there are going to be other times where I may feel that way and tense up because of it, but I know to check-in and tell myself that it’s not to be taken personally and that I shouldn’t allow it to ruin my day.
  • How am I *really* feeling in this exact moment? Again, it’s so easy to allow the days just take you without being honest with yourself about how you may really be feeling. It’s easy to say “I’m fine, tomorrow’s another day” or “It’s just a bad day, tomorrow’s another day”. From experience, minimizing your feelings is never a good thing, and in some cases, you’ll minimize your feelings to point where the clear signs your mind and body are giving you to take care of yourself are going unnoticed. Sometimes, you have to be your own “is everything okay?”. Check-in and be honest with yourself; if you felt sadder than usual, take note of that. Say out loud that you aren’t okay because the more you speak these feelings out into the world (even if you are by yourself), the easier it gets to ask for help and admit that you aren’t doing okay.

Of course, there are so many other questions that you should be asking yourself, and they come from your own experiences and ways you are able to care for yourself. Maybe asking yourself if you read a chapter of your book (for fun) as your “self-care time”, or if you did something that was on your list of things you wanted to do in the last week or so. Still, it’s important that every once in a while you give yourself a mental health check-in, and yes, even do them on your friends and family!

Make sure to check in every once in a while!

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Topic Tuesdays: Random

Things I Wish I Knew Before Graduating College & Grad School.

liz

Dear guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Where did this month go? It feels like I was just singing “It’s gonna be May!” and now we are 10 days away from June! With that being said, I know many of you college seniors and grad-school seniors are happy for your day of graduation to finally arrive! Personally, I know my old classmates from my own grad school years are finally ready to get the hell out of school and not have to read another book or write another paper for the rest of their life! (Of course, if you’re not going into academics…)

It’s still surreal that it has almost been a year since I graduated with my Master’s degree and THREE (yes, you saw that right) years since I graduated college with my bachelor’s degree. Little ole me did not know that before 2020, I’d be a woman with two degrees. Maybe in the distant future, I’ll go for my Ph.D., but as of right now I’m just trying to discover what it means to be “Liz: the human being” versus “Liz: the student writer”.

Being the first in my immediate family to graduate both college and grad school, I didn’t really have the guidance through my studies, and a lot of the times I was forced to learn things on my own. Some of those times, I’d be a little too late, but coming out of it now, I wouldn’t change my experience for the world…

Except for a couple of things…

For example:

  1. I wish I had some guidance when it came to my grad-school application progress. Back in high-school, we had a great guidance counselor that guided us through the process of applying to colleges, even to the point where he would sit with us on his office computer applying to colleges with us. It was definitely a lot smoother to transition to college than it was for grad-school, and I hope that more CUNY schools start helping out those who wish to seek higher education. Because of the lack of guidance, I didn’t have much time, nor options, when it came to grad school.
  2. I wish that there was a class (especially within my college) that focused in on resume building and writing. I know that my former thesis advisor (who came to the college when I was in my junior/senior year of college) started to teach a class dedicated to business writing for undergrads, but I just wish that there was a way where soon-to-be college grads were able to feel more secure with their futures. Maybe, just maybe, then a lot of people who weren’t ready for grad school would’ve waited to get their Master’s instead of forcing to get one just so that they had more time to think what they wanted to do with their lives.
  3. Particularly in grad school, I wish I knew that it was okay to take a break when you started to feel burned out. Every semester for two years, I wrote 25-40 pages of papers as my two finals for the two classes I would take, and I thought that I absolutely had to write and write and write until I had my desired amount of pages done. I wish I knew that whatever amount of work I put in that day was enough and that I was able to pick up again the next day, because – let’s be honest here – working on a final paper for 12 hours straight is exhausting, and very unhealthy.
  4. I wish I knew what I was getting myself into when it came to grad school. Again, I felt like I wasn’t mentally prepared for the amount of work that grad school provided (I mean, I had a group presentation assigned to me the first day of grad school and it had to be done by the following class). Because I felt like I was just thrown into the chaos that was grad school, my mental health was definitely affected by it, and a lot of my anxiety developed throughout the two years in grad school. Maybe this was just a “me” thing, but when talking to my fellow students when I was one and then the students as a TA, many of them expressed the same transition from college to grad school being rushed and feeling unprepared.
  5. Lastly, I wish that I knew that grad school, or any type of degree honestly, doesn’t guarantee you a career, nor a job. Being a slightly above average student in both college and grad school, I focused on my studies rather than getting a part-time job and juggle school at the same time. Did it affect the way employers now see me and my resume? Possibly, but I always had this thought that a Master’s degree was going to secure me a position that I was working towards, yet here we are – a year into the whole job hunting process. 

At the end of the day, I am still very grateful for the time I spent in college and grad school and to have met the people who I consider my friends/professional friends now! My experience is unique to me, and I’ll always be proud of the hard work and dedication I put in for 6 straight years without a break.

So, to the Class of 2019, both college and grad-school grads – I applaud you for making it this far. Celebrate your victory, celebrate your future, and celebrate you. I wish I did when I was in your shoes. 

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Self-Appreciation Saturdays

SAS: A Letter to My “Summer Body”. (5/18/19)

liz

self-appreciation saturday

To My Summer Body,

It’s that time of year to sweat, girl. It’s that time of year where your legs chafe and your shorts raise up, it’s that time of year where you limit yourself to a t-shirt, a pair of shorts, and converse for three months of the year. It’s also that time of year you hide from the world, really – swimsuits make you insecure, you don’t feel pretty without your layers of clothing, and you wish all summer that maybe, just maybe, you went on that diet during the wintertime.

Maybe then you’d feel pretty enough to walk through a sunny day.

See, you dread the summer. You hate to have sweat kept up under every roll on your body. You hate sweating out your hair. You hate looking like the fat blob sweaty mess walking down the street. You’re convinced that summer was not made for fat people like you. I mean, who wants to jiggle in all the wrong places and show off your fat arms? Every summer, it seems as if I get depressed because of you, and it sucks to feel that way.

As Bianca Del Rio said on that one season of RuPaul’s Drag Race:

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Continue reading “SAS: A Letter to My “Summer Body”. (5/18/19)” →