Category: Throwback Thursdays

*sigh* These posts are never easy to make because they remind me just how old I’m getting... Anyway! Dear, readers; welcome to Letters from Liz!

First and foremost, Happy New Year! I cannot believe that another year has passed and now we are in a new one! Of course, with every beginning of a new year, I like to come on here and talk about what and where I was a decade ago. I am also reminded that with every new year, the “decade” year in question is a time that feels like it happened only a few years ago. And then I’m reminded that soon my entire 20s will be a decade–

But before I spiral down this rabbit hole, lets talk about a time where I remember quite well: 2015!

In 2015, I was a 21-year old junior in college pursing my bachelors degree in English Writing. By this time, I was not only getting into my major courses in writing, but I was also in the middle of finishing my requirements for my Psychology minor. During this time of my life, I was very much trying to figure out what life was going to look like after I graduated college in 2016, or what I thought the case was. Cue the one story that still haunts me to this day:

My academic advisor at the time (shoutout to Jen Durando for literally saving my academic life) was advising me for classes I needed to take for the upcoming Fall 2015 semester. She had noticed that I was short a couple (try 20) credits and told me that my graduation in Spring 2016 could be delayed because of this. She saw that in the recent semesters, I grew an interest in theatre (thanks to my love for screenwriting at the time). She suggested that I continued to take courses in drama and just declare it as a minor, in which I did. Although that summer, I had to take two courses to get back on track for my anticipated Spring 2016 graduation. Spoiler: I did end up graduating the following year.

In 2015, I worked for a production company in the city as an internship in hopes that this opportunity would create a possible career for me when I graduated from college. This internship was for two months long, leading up to their annual event called Poetic License. This was the first year that Poetic Theater Productions had made this event a month long process; in previous years, it was just a week long of different shorter projects being performed.

This year, Poetic Theater Production presented two different plays by two different creators. The first project was Paradox of the Urban Cliché, a play that was written by Craig muMs Grant, an American poet and actor. (I only knew of this information because he played an inmate named “Poet” in HBO’s Oz in the late 1990’s). The project that I worked on was called Dijla Wal Furat: Between The Tigris and The Euphrates, a play written in the various different prospective of those who were experiencing the War in Iraq in 2003.

Photo Credit: Born; Find the Light Photography, 2015

I worked closely with the stage manager, sitting in the little booth behind the theater managing the soundboard for the play. The experience was rewarding; I got to see young actors rehearse and become characters on stage and then immediately turn it off when they got off of it. It gave me an appreciation for those who were actually majoring in drama back in college. It wasn’t an easy thing to teach your mind and body to do.

In 2015, I went to my first ever concert and it just so happened to be a Kelly Clarkson one. She was on tour to promote her new album, Piece By Piece, which was released earlier that year. She was playing two nights in NYC at Radio City Music Hall during the summer, and had two opening acts. First it was artist named Eric Hutchinson, which at the time was a smaller artist that had some pretty catchy pop-like song. The second opener was Pentatonix; the 5-member acapella group that won Season 3 of NBC’s The Sing Off. I was already such a big fan of theirs and was so excited to also see them perform live. Their vocals are literally angelic; it was like I was listening to their CDs when they performed. They are such an unbelievably talented group that had everyone intrigued by their vocals.

I remember crying when she was performing “Invincible”; a song talking about how her lows in life made her stronger in the end. I guess at that point, everything I was feeling about the year thus far came pouring in.

It wasn’t an easy one; it was the year that I dealt with stress in every aspect of my life. It was difficult trying to heal when you were not able to escape the triggers, which made me feel different emotions I didn’t know to regulate at the time. It was a year of many challenges and it’s the year that I constantly look back at and pinpoint the shift of my mindset permanently changing.

Needless to say, 2015 was a crazy year, and sometimes feels like a fever dream when I’m reminded that it’s now 10 years ago.

Some other things I’m reminded of about 2015:

• Snapchat was growing in popularity due to its camera filters and snap streaks.
• Most, if not all, music was produced by DJ Mustard and heard “Mustard on the beat” in every Top 40 song.
• YouTube was beginning to become the key for creators to share their context in the world; mainly gaming channels and beauty/fashion channels.
• Vine was our TikTok. #RIPVine
• Everyone edited their photos using VSCO because the influencers at the time used that editing app.
• Kylie Jenner was “King Kylie” and took the world by storm(i) when she launched her first three shades of lip kits.
• The song of the summer in 2015 was “Cheerleader” by Omi.
• Barack Obama was our president.
• Everyone questioned what color was that dress.
• The Supreme Court’s decision that led to legalizing same-sex marriage.
• Bruce Jenner transitioned in who we know now as Caitlyn Jenner.
• MTA bus and train fare went from being $2.50 to $2.75. (Can you believe it’s being raised to $3in 2025?!)
• The newest iPhone model to be released was the iPhone 6S.

It’s crazy to think that things that happened and that were trendy 10 years ago are now considered “vintage” and “nostalgic”. I could only imagine how nostalgic 2025 will be ten years from now…

… too soon, Liz.

Ten years ago, I was 18-years-old and a senior in high school. It was the year 2012, also deemed as one of my worst years to date.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Every year, I always reflect back on who I was and where I was a decade ago. Ten years ago, it was 2012, which in case you haven’t been here since the beginning, you would know that 2012 was an interesting year for me. Although it has been ten years, I finally feel like I am now in a place where it doesn’t affect me in the way it does, so writing this doesn’t leave me in any weird state of mind or in a bad place. But anyway! Let’s talk about the Liz that was in 2012!

I was a teenager that lived in beanies and scarves throughout my senior year. I also wasn’t a major makeup wearer, but this was the year that I got into liquid eyeliner! I mean, it wasn’t really great at it, but it did the job for a teenager that really didn’t care about appearance that much. I very much still wore a lot of older-looking clothes, meaning I wore outfits that would date me much older than an eighteen-year-old. My hair was constantly straightened, or at least a part of it was straightened, like my damn bangs. I was also the girl with two nose piercings; to come and think of it, I don’t know how the hell I rocked two nostril piercings and it didn’t bother me. Like, if I had them to this day, I would’ve been surprised, but I actually don’t! I upgraded to a septum ring! ;D

I was a vocal major in high school and was a member of the Performing Choir since my sophomore year. This particular school year, we were able to go to a lot of interesting places! For example, a part of our choir was invited to go to the 125th Birthday Celebration of the Statue of Liberty and performed for the major and some celebrities! We were also featured on “Good Morning America” earlier that morning! It was surreal; I had to meet up with my vocal teacher and my other choir members at like 4:30 in the morning to make it to Ellis Island by 7:30ish. It was definitely a fun and cool experience to be on National television. We also performed “Carmina Burana” with other high-school choirs at Carnegie Hall! It was my second time performing on the stage of Carnegie Hall, but this time was definitely so much fun and I got to meet so many new people who participated in the show! My family got to see me perform, and the rehearsals were so much much to attend! Plus, hearing a live orchestra perform with us was ethereal. For me, my time in Performing Choir was what kept me together during my senior year of high school. It was my escape when life was getting complicated for me and things were getting dark for me; dangerously dark.

Senior year of high school was the year that tested my mental abilities, in all honesty. Prior to this year, life wasn’t as chaotic or hard, to say the least, but senior year taught me a lot about life and make me realize that I wasn’t this innocent, perfect girl I wanted to be. I made mistakes, I made selfish decisions, I did things that weren’t in my character that everyone portrayed me as. To be quite honest, I wanted attention. I felt under-appreciated and invisible, and all I wanted was for people to see me and like me more than just another person in the school.

I got myself involved in a situation that at the time I didn’t want to see as bad and stupid. I started to experiment with girls to the point of falling in love with one that was already taken. Again, it was the attention I liked. It was feeling something that I didn’t feel before, and it was the thrill. I felt like I was living two lives. It was starting to interfere with the relationships I had in my life, and instead of getting myself out of it, I was falling deeper into the rabbit hole of self-destruction. It may be dramatic to say, but it really felt like every decision I made to try to get out of it, it was just another thing that made things worse. If you want to read more about this time, I wrote a lot about it in this post, as well as this post.

One of the ways I gained attention from others was that I went completely blonde for the first time ever. I wanted to not be me anymore; I wanted to be someone else in the midst of everything that was happening in my life. To some degree, it actually wokred. I was getting the attention from people that I wanted; people began to think of me as attractive. It was the attention I thought I wanted when in reality, it began to really tarnish the image I wanted to keep. Instead, I was just this homewrecking, easy chick that allowed anyone to walk all over her. If it was in school or in my after-school activities, I really couldn’t escape the sadness and depression I was going through.

2012 was the year that started my poor mental health. I was in this state of mind that I was severely depressed, I was making impulsive decisions, and I eventually became suicidal. I would walk in the streets, sometimes just standing in the middle of the street wondering how would it feel if I allowed a car hit me. Sometimes, I would cry on my bathroom floor at night, cutting my arms, wanting to gain back control of my own life. It got to the point where I had to go spend the day at the guidance counselor’s office because I was depressed and my arms were cut up. It was definitely the lowest point of my life.

I graduated high school that year and thought life was going to be okay once I got out of school. I still dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression, which seeped into my first semster as a college student. I was failing half of my classes miserably, and I wanted to do nothing but drop out of college. I really didn’t think I was going to live past 18; that’s how bad things got. The year ended and then 2013 came, which also was a tough year to go through, but we’ll wait until 2023 to talk about that!

In a nutshell, 2012 left a lot of emotional scars and trauma that I had to talk about years later in order to conquer most of it. A lot of my social anxiety stems from the events that happened during those years, and it took tons of therapy sessions to work out some of the darkest thoughts I had during that time. It’s crazy all of that happened 10 years ago. It’s crazy that I graduated high school ten years ago and started college ten years ago. Like, where did all the time go? Maybe it went from all the healing, the challenges, and growing up I had done within the last decade.

Here’s to 2022, the better year ending in 2!