Author: liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

I hope everyone is doing okay and are staying safe! In these times, it’s so easy to isolate yourself from people since we can’t actually be in the same spaces as them physically. For someone with SAD, I know the internal struggle you have about reaching out to people on your own time and actually starting conversations with them, so I was hoping to change that with a self-introduction! Let’s be a couple of social distancing friends!

So, hi!

• My name is Elizabeth, but no one ever calls me by my first name and I like to keep it that way. Don’t get me wrong, I like my first name, but I hate how distant it sounds. I find myself introducing myself as Liz more than Elizabeth; I vividly remember my first day at work and introducing myself to everyone like “I’m Elizabeth, but please call me Liz.” Even the name on my lanyard for work says “Liz” and now everyone calls me Liz.

• I am 26-years-old and it sometimes scares me to know that I’m now closer to my 30’s than my 20’s. I don’t feel like I’m in my mid-20’s because, well, I’m a late-bloomer, and a lot of the things I’m doing now are the things that most people in their early-20’s do, but hey! Everyone goes within their pace, and mine just happens to be a bit slower than everyone else. No, it does not mean I’m immature either, it just means I’m 26 and I’m not engaged, married, or have kids, which is something I don’t want. 
• I am the youngest in my family. I have an older (almost 30) sibling, and they are my only sibling so again, that makes me the youngest. Because I am the youngest, I’m not used to being around people who are even younger than me, but my coworkers have definitely taught me that it’s okay to be the oldest in a group and still be myself!

• I am demiromantic. I sort of “came out” in November last year after figuring out that I just wasn’t romantically attracted to heterosexual guys, but girls, gay men, gay women, queers, any human being with good energy. I process romantic attraction and friendship attraction pretty much the same way; if we’re friends and I’m really into your energy and we can connect on a deeper level, there’s a chance I really like you. At first, I was skeptical about sharing this information because I didn’t want anyone to judge me or think I was following a trend out of the blue, but now “I don’t really care what people say, I am just who I am”, or something that ITZY said. 

• Speaking of music, I am the ultimate KPop stan. I talk about Kpop way too much, I listen to almost all Kpop music and being a multifandom stan, it’s a lot to follow along to. My ultimate bias groups are ITZY and VICTON, I have all of their albums and will continue to collect them as they come back with more music! I’m always looking for new people to talk all Kpop with; I don’t know many people who listen to it to the same degree that I do, so please – let’s talk Kpop if you’re absolute trash like me!

• Besides writing, I also sing. I used to take it seriously back in my teenage years when I went to a performing arts high-school; it was my major and I had performed all over the New York State within the three years I was in the advanced choir. Nowadays, I still sing every now and then, but it’s strictly just a hobby of mine rather than my whole life like it was back in the day.
• I’m a big mental health advocate and will always be. Back in 2018, I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and major depression and with the right medication and weekly therapy sessions, I’ve gotten a lot better since first being diagnosed with them. Being self-aware of the behavior and patterns I have when I’m feeling myself getting into an episode has helped me cope better, go on personal missions to forgive my past, and become more confident in my ability to see myself in a better light and become more of a social being again.

• I was once ashamed of being into the things I like until I met an awesome person who shared most of the same interests as me! Funny story: I knew me and this person would be friends once he walked into my workplace and said that he had seen the Game Grumps live after looking at my Game Grumps-themed t-shirt one day. Once I realized that I shouldn’t be so ashamed of showcasing my interests, I became very vocal about them. So, in a nutshell:
  • • I am a huge Game Grumps fan. If I need a mood booster, an episode can instantly make my shit day better. I also tend to watch hours long of their complication to help me fall asleep every single night.
    • Speaking of gaming, I very much belong to the gaming side of YouTube… if I’m not hanging out in the Kpop side of YouTube. I very much like watching YouTube gamers on my time off and it’s crazy that every time I would wear something related to that side of my interests, there are people that share with me that they enjoy it as well!
    • Kelly Clarkson will forever be my idol. I loved her since her American Idol days, I’ve seen her live in concert (and cried) and I pretty much know all of her songs lyric-by-lyric by heart.
    • Speaking of music, although Kpop is my superior genre of interest, I very much listen to anything and everything. I grew up around music and different styles of it, which very much reflected on the music I shared and was interested in hearing from others. From classical and acapella bops to some straight out of the projects hood shit, I’ve listened to it.
    • I have a passion for rhetoric and writing composition all thanks to my former thesis advisor/ now friend and mentor, Ro! She taught a rhetoric class I took in grad school and it changed my perspective on writing completely. I totally look up to her career-wise, and although teaching isn’t in my plan, I hope to be completely in the rhetoric world as she is when I get more advanced in the field.
    • I’m not the biggest movie person in the world, but I most likely have seen the show you reference in your conversations. If you say anything that came out of The Real Housewives Franchise, I most likely know it. If you say anything that came out of The Golden Girls, The King of Queens, and my favorite TV show of all-time, The Killing, I will most likely know it.

• I’ve crossed some things off of my bucket list this year alone! For starters, I went to my first ever Kpop concert and I traveled to Florida! So, I have a heavy list of things I want to do in my life. For starters, I want to go to South Korea for a vacation possibly for my 30th birthday. My coworker gave me that idea while we were talking about dream destinations, and I thought it would be a great idea to put it on my bucket list! I also want to go to see Victon live in concert if they ever come to the States for a tour and if not, guess I’m flying to South Korea sooner than later, but in general, I want to travel so fucking much, and I’m glad that my trip to Florida popped my airplane cherry. Yeah, she was a first.
• Where do I see myself in 5 years? In 5 years, I’ll be 31-years-old, and I hope by that time I’d done everything that I wanted to do in my 20’s. It would be great if I’m in some serious long-term relationship by then, but I just see myself possibly being the version of myself I was meant to be as an adult.

And that’s pretty much it! Let’s talk! Let’s share some interests together in this world of social distancing!

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Three years and some change ago, I decided I wanted to start a blog because I was in my first year of grad school and wasn’t writing creatively as much as I wanted to anymore. It launched on my 23rd birthday, and honestly, the rest is history.

We’re now in 2020 and we are writing our 400th post!

Writing these posts on the blog has helped me become more open and aware and honest with myself in ways I used to be terrified of. Exposing myself through my writing allowed me to accept the fact that I’m not perfect, that I can be toxic in my habits, and that I don’t always have to have the answer to every problem in my life. It’s allowed me to see the progression of my self-discovery journey through my writing, and if my writing has helped my readers in any way gather their thoughts or spread some sort of happiness in their lives, then I’ve done my job as a writer.

This last year of posts has been my absolute favorite because I’ve had the time to focus and write what I wanted to write instead of just rushing things out for the sake of staying on my schedule. Although LFL is still very much a hobby of mine, I’m still very happy to commit my creativity to the blog and consider this a passion project of mine.

So thank you for following along, and thank you for supporting LFL in any way possible!

Here are just some of my favorite posts I’ve written since we last hit our milestone:

• Overexposed: A Self-Love Project (The Series!)
• My Thoughts on X1’s Debut
• “I Matter”: A Suicide Prevention Story
• Music From Liz: The Podcast
• Overexposed: My Romantic Attraction
• SAS: Let’s Talk About Demiromanticism
• The Year of Forgiveness: A Revelation
• 25 Things That Happened/I Learned While Being 25
• VICTON’s 6th Mini Album “Continuous” Album Review!

Music Mentioned in This Episode:

•  Thankful (The Album) by Kelly Clarkson
• “What’s Up Lonely” by Kelly Clarkson
• “Come Over” by Dean
• “Instagram” by Dean
• Tell Me You Love Me (The Album) by Demi Lovato
• “You Don’t Do It For Me Anymore” by Demi Lovato
• “Cranes in the Sky” by Solange

Posts Mentioned in This Episode:

• Demi Lovato’s “Tell Me You Love Me” Will Give You The Feels.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz.

I hope no matter where you are in this world that you are safe, healthy, and getting through this difficult time.

Having this time to unwind and spend some time with myself, I figured it would be best to reflect on some of the things I’ve accomplished since I made it my mission to learn how to forgive myself, my past, the people in it, and move on from it.

For starters, I’ve been actively talking about my past to my therapist during our sessions to get a better understanding of what happened and find more efficient ways to let it go and not affect me to the same capacity as it does currently. It’s been extremely helpful these last couple of months; it’s allowed me to reopen some wounds of my past and think about it with a more rationalized mindset and learn that what happened then isn’t a reflection on who I am now and that it’s okay to forgive the person that I was in my past. Of course, it’s definitely easier said than done and something to this magnitude doesn’t just fix itself overnight; it’s going to take a lot more talks and self-reflection to get to a place that I’m completely okay with everything that’s happened.

I’ve also been learning how to do things on my own without feeling like I shouldn’t do them or I have to be with someone in order to do it. In January, I went to see ITZY in concert at the King’s Theatre by myself and it was an experience I’m so glad that I went ahead to do it.

It was something that was a first for me to do, and of course, I had my doubts of wanting to do something big like this on my own, but as much as I’m learning to move on from my past, I am learning to use this new chapter of my life to be more independent and to make decisions for myself, by myself, and without anyone tell me what’s right or wrong because their opinion just doesn’t fucking matter. 

Speaking of making my own decisions, I decided to reach out to an old friend that I cut ties with years ago due to the situation I was in. I was very much afraid to speak up for myself and say no to a lot of people in my life. That resulted in either me having people in my life that took advantage of my kindness or allowed people to believe that I would do anything for them, whether that meant to put my priorities, morals, and values on the back-burner. So, when I finally to analyze my behavior and patterns and whatnot, I started to make decisions that I felt right.

So, about a week or so, I apologized to an old friend for disappearing on them years ago, and that they always meant a lot to me. I’m glad I did such a major thing like that because it truly spoke about my morals and values in life and that this was just one thing that I really wanted to make right, whether or not we rekindle our friendship. As long as I’m willingly holding my past self responsible for the decisions she made, I’m able to make healthy and wise decisions in the present day.

The point of this check-in is that no matter where you may be in life and no matter where life may take you, always make sure you have the right mindset and stay focused on the things you’re working on. This whole self-quarantine thing for COVID-19 has challenged me to not completely indulge in the craziness that may be happening in the house. It’s also challenged me to constantly stay focused on the things that take priority in my life, and right now that’s practicing forgiveness and working on positive ways to keep my anxiety and depression in place. Whether or not you need a check-up on yourself, it’s important to always take a step back and reflect on what’s happening in hand.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz.

For many of us, we are weeks into the quarantine phase of this whole COVID-19 outbreak. Living in NYC, it’s been extra stressful for us to live in a state that has become the epicenter of the virus in the U.S. Living in a predominantly Asian neighborhood, nearly everything is closed, once a crowded area is now deserted, and it’s just an intense time to be living, in all honesty. It’s scary, but we’re all trying to get through this time as efficiently and safely as possible.

With that being said, it’s not only important to focus on our physical health, but our mental health is just as important! Being home without any other social interaction besides whoever lives in your household (which sadly some of us live alone) can take a major toll on your mental health. Like I mentioned in my letter about COVID-19, some of our home environments are not the most healthy spaces for us to be, and our jobs, schooling, or just routines out of the house are the things that keep us grounded and our mental health in a healthy state. When those things are taken away from us so abruptly like it was, it’s difficult to transition into the current new “normal”.

Personally, I find myself not only getting back into old behavioral patterns, but I’m also aware of just how depressed and “not myself” I’ve been lately. I’m aware that the last time I felt this way, I was unemployed and stuck in the house for most of my days for the majority of last year. I know this because a lot of my thinking feels the same as it did, and slowly but surely, I’m finding it hard to be productive, stay motivated, honestly to just get out of bed. It’s the uncertainty, it’s my surroundings, and it’s just my cycle coming back around, and this time I don’t have my routine to help control it.

Of course, I am probably not the only one. In fact, I believe many of us are in the same boat, whether or not they are diagnosed with any mental disorders. It’s a difficult time for everyone; it’s the anxiety of contracting the virus and harming those with compromised immune systems, it’s the anxiety of sheltering and living under this quarantine with very limited supplies left, and it’s the depression of all of this plus the fact you feel like you have no control of your life and what to do with it. Sure, we could watch all the TV, videos, and movies all we want, but we are social beings. Once our body needs that social interaction with other people other than the people in your household, we want it. 

Sadly, there are going to be people in situations where they are constantly triggered and to not have an escape to go to, things could get dangerous and serious.

That’s the scariest part.

Being in an environment that’s mentally draining and unhealthy for your mental health plus the anxiety and depression of COVID-19 could leave anyone feel like they have no control over their own lives. The fact that we have all this time now to overthink and sulk in our negative thoughts, it could be potentially dangerous for those with more severe mental illness. There’s no routine for those who rely upon it, there’s no actual “getting up out of your house to go to therapy” anymore, there’s not even a damn escape place you can go to because everything is closed. It’s that feeling that you have no control over anything that makes everything feel ten times more difficult.

This letter isn’t making you feel any better, I know, but I just wanted to voice out the concerns and the misunderstandings that people may have about this time; it’s more than just “getting the virus”. It’s the fear that comes behind it, it’s the day-by-day life and how that looks like for most of us, it’s not knowing what type of security we have financially; it’s a lot of things, and our mental health is the thing that takes the biggest toll in times like this.

So please, try to take care of your mental health throughout a time like this. It’s so easy to get sucked into all this madness, but make sure you check-in with yourself mentally: how am I doing? Do I feel happy/sad/angry/drained/okay today? What are some things that I could in the house that can help keep me focused on good energy? 

Stay safe, and take care of yourself!

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Time is different for everyone, even though we all have the same amount of it each day. we wake up, we either go to school or work, we come home, we do whatever primetime activities we want to do, and then we sleep to then do it again the next day. Of course, we all spend our time differently, and it’s completely up to the individual how they do it within their 24 hours of the day.

I say that because there’s no time limit when we’re ready to do things in life and when we move on from past chapters in life. The limit does not exist. 

I’ve been single for seven months and although I’m very happy having more me time than I had in the past couple of years, I do find myself feeling like I’m ready to move on from that chapter in my life and get myself out there some more. No, I can’t do a hoe phase because it’s not who I am and because I am demiromantic, it simply just means that I’m ready to get to know new people, create deep emotional connections with them, and just experience that whole new crush-like, getting to know a new person feeling again. Because the duration of my last relationship was long, I realize that it’s been a long ass time since I even, like, flirted with a cute guy for-realsies, and just experiencing that whole process of liking someone’s vibe and the connection they have with you.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m ready to start having some romantic interests again.

Dating? We’ll see.

Now I’m not saying that I’m about to hop on dating sites and try to find something serious on there. Again, online dating just isn’t my cup of tea, but also I’m not looking for another serious relationship anytime soon. Can it happen? Sure, if it’s the right one, but it’s something that’s not in the “within the year” plan I have for myself. What’s in that plan is to just start feeling the vibes with new people and new romantic interests and take life for what it is, y’ know?

So, what does that have to do with the art of moving forward?

Well, everything I said is nice to see on paper but to put it into action, it’s taken me quite some time to do something about it.

I just have this dilemma between my mind and heart and what it truly is ready for. After being in such a long relationship, it’s normal to feel like when’s the right time to move on from a part of your life that was your identity for almost half of your life. It’s like you’re betraying all that time when you finally feel ready to move on, and it’s normal to feel that way! People take years before they find another romantic interest and get into relationships, and most of that time is spent on finding yourself, making memories with your friends and loved ones, truly living your best life and when that right person comes into the picture, they will.

The thing is, there’s never a definite answer on when is it time to move forward from the past. Some people hold onto their past relationships for years on end, and some people let them go once they are gone; that’s completely okay!

Now can someone tell my mind that and stop judging me for doing it.

The art of moving forward is that you never know when it’s happening. You don’t just wake up one morning and say “wow, this chapter is over and I’m officially moving forward!” It’s one of those entities in this world that we as people don’t have control over. It just happens.

I think my knowingness that I’m moving toward moving forward (she’s not fully there yet) when I finally starting to be okay looking at other guys and just admiring them from afar without feeling guilty or a that I’m betraying what I used to have in my past. It’s simply a new chapter in life, and I deserve happiness and new beginnings like we all do. I have to keep telling myself that and that moving forward doesn’t discredit anything that happened in the past or anything that you shared with people in the past. People come and go, and they do so for many reasons. 

So, this is me moving forward – hopefully, the transition is a smooth and enlightening one.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, as many of my readers may know, I’ve been single for quite some time. Can’t believe it’s been seven months already, but yeah – she’s been single for a while. The single life, in its simplest form, has been very good to me. I’ve been able to get to know myself better by myself, I’ve been able to meet some dope new people and call them my friends, and I’ve been able to go on adventures by myself and make some cool memories just this year so far! I definitely like life the way it is now just because I’m taking care of myself and learning how to balance my top needs while still being involved in other people’s lives.

But, sometimes it does get lonely on this side of the spectrum.

When you’re in a romantic relationship, you always have a plus one to events or gatherings. If I wanted to see someone in concert, invite your partner. If I was going on a vacation, invite your partner. If I was going to a social gathering, hey – bring that partner of yours for some social support! When you’re single, you don’t always have that other person beside you to do these things, and although for the most part, I’m okay with that (I went to a concert on my own and went on vacation on my own as well and was fine for the most part), it still feels good to experience these things with a person you love.

Also, with the adult friendships you have in your life, sometimes it’s just going to be you doing these things. Sometimes it’s empowering, and sometimes it sucks. 

As a person who isn’t looking for a relationship any time soon, I still have this need to want to feel loved and give out love to those I care about. I’m just a lover, and it’s sometimes the hardest thing to be one when you got “no one to love.”

These days, though, I’m learning a lot about love; platonic love. 

It’s funny because I first learned about the existence of platonic relationships through my favorite TV show of all time, The Killing. The two main characters, Detectives Sarah Linden and Stephen Holder are partners in various crime cases in Seattle, Washington, and throughout their crime-solving, we get to know them as characters and the demons they carry around, which many crime procedurals at its time did not do. You truly fell in love with these two together because although they fought and disagreed at times, they were truly each other’s rock, and they had a love for each other that they never had with anyone else in that world. They never hooked up, kissed (well, tried), or hinted that there was a romantic aspect of their relationship. They just had a love for each other that meant more than any romantic relationship, in my opinion.

Of course, that’s television, but platonic intimacy is truly a thing.

At this point, that is the type of love I want to have for a while. I want to meet new people that I can hopefully create these close friendships with and hope that there is a mutual understanding of our boundaries and willingness to be good friends. Even when I was in a relationship, I always had a hard time differentiating the types of love I show to different categories of people because, well, I treat everyone the same way, even if that meant that my partner got some of my more “friend” type of love at times as well. Sometimes, I really ask myself if I even know how to be in a relationship because of my struggle of loving someone in a romantic aspect and if the love I truly have for other people at this point in my life is just strictly “friend love”.

Meaning: I haven’t found the one yet to be romantically with, so no matter how many relationships I have in the future if that person isn’t “the one”, I’d most likely be just giving them “friend love”, which maybe is the sign telling me about statuses of those type of relationships.

In even simple terms, I don’t want romance in the connections I have with people in my life. 

With that want and my demiromanticism, I believe that the most important relationships in my life now are my friendships, and for me to completely be myself and how my appreciation for them is having a platonic love them, which I truly do! I honestly love all of my friends and I’m so grateful to have them in my life, and these relationships are much more important to me than trying to find a romantic partner to give that love to.

So, to those that value their platonic relationships like romantic relationships, I commend you for doing so! Thank you for not being afraid of holding those relationships to the same level as you would for your romantic relationship, and I hope to be like you with my own friends one day!