Author: liz

Black Sheep in Society.

A Black Sheep’s Broken Heart: A Scene.

liz

The couple sits at the table in the restaurant, enjoying the first course of their 3-course meal for the night. Kalia looks at the gift bag next to Micah, which she questions him about.

Kalia: What’s in the bag?

Micah: *nervous* Oh, uhm… it’s not much, so I’m sorry it’s so–

Kalia looks into the bag as Micah hands it over to her. She quickly opens the bag and takes out the two gift items; she looks confused at first.

Kalia: These are… cute!

Micah: You don’t have to lie. You just got me a motorcycle and I got you some poetry book and plushie.

Kalia: I will cherish these gifts, Micah. I love them; thank you.

Micah smiles and continues to eat. Shortly after, the second meal, the main course, is served to the couple.

Micah: This dinner will literally keep me full for the next 2 years, I swear.

Kalia: *laughs* The food is out of this world.

As Micah continues to eat, Kalia takes a deep breath and looks at Micah.

Micah: So, I was thinking for my 21st birthday, we can go on a vacation together.

Kalia: A vacation?

Micah: Yeah! I was thinking maybe we can go to Florida. Universal Studios would be so fun! Plus we can hit up all the bars in the area since I’ll be able to drink…

Kalia: Oh, I didn’t know that you wanted to go somewhere for your birthday; I could’ve planned something in advance.

Micah: Well, we have like 6 months until then. We can make something happen!

Kalia: Yeah…

Micah looks back up at Kalia. He notices she hasn’t touched her food.

Micah: Are you not hungry?

Kalia looks down at her plate. She picks up her fork.

Kalia: Yeah, yeah; don’t worry about me!

Micah’s concern arises even more.

Micah: Babe? Is everything alright?

Kalia: Yeah?

Micah: Are you sure? You seem a little… disconnected.

Kalia: *offended* What does that mean? I mean I’m here with you.

Micah: *taken back* I’m just wondering if you’re feeling alright…

Kalia takes a deep breath and places her fork back onto her plate.

Kalia: I can’t just hide this in…

Kalia looks back up and smiles wide.

Kalia: I got cast in my first full-length feature film!

Micah smiles wide and congratulates Kalia.

Micah: Babe! That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you! This is big news!

Kalia: I know, I know… I start filming for it in 2 weeks.

Micah: Wow, that’s so soon… but you’re a professional; you’ll be great.

Micah takes a sip of his drink.

Micah: Is the filming happening here in New York?

Kalia: About that…

Micah looks back up and places his drink down on the table. He’s waiting for Kalia to say something.

Kalia: The filming is back in Sweden.

Micah: *eyes widen* Sweden?!

Kalia: The film is set in Sweden during the cold winter… my father and I are cast in the movie so we would be going together–

Micah: Going?! Wait are you actually considering going to Sweden?

Kalia: Micah, this is the one chance to make my name out of something. This is my one shot to become the actress I want to become.

Micah: You couldn’t find something here, like broadway or something?!

Kalia: I’m sorry, Micah…

Micah is dumbfounded. He folds his arms across his chest, looking directly at Kalia.

Micah: It was your dad, right? He told you to take this job?

Kalia: What? Micah, you’re talking crazy–

Micah: You didn’t even talk to me about this though! How do you think I feel about you just packing your life to go film in Sweden?!

Kalia: I understand, Micah, but–

Micah: How would you feel if I just told you, “hey! I’m DJing for a producer in a foreign country!” without seeing how you felt about it?

Kalia: I would be happy for you! I would only want the best for you and your career, and I was hoping you’d be happy for me!

Micah: How can I be happy for you if I never knew you were even auditioning for this? Kal, this is the first time we’re actually on a date with each other, and you decide this was the right time to tell me you’re leaving? *points towards the outside* Did you get me the motorcycle to lessen this blow or something?

Kalia: *defensive* I got it for you because you’ve been wanting it!

Micah: You don’t gift a whole ass motorcycle! You gift like a watch or something… *points at the plushie and poetry book* Or something like that!

Kalia: I’m sorry, but you should know how much this means to me. I really thought you would be understanding.

Micah: That’s all I’ve been has been understanding though! Kalia, I know that your career means a lot to you, and I signed up for all those days when you were busy working towards that. But where do I draw the line? Having to drop everything I’m doing because you’re finally free? Saying you’ll be at my important gigs but then show up hours late to them? Anything that’s important to you, I’m expected to be there and supportive and there with open arms, but when it’s something important to me, it’s meeting this and audition that!

Kalia: If you felt so strongly about this, then why are you bringing it up just now?

Micah: When will I ever get the chance to? You’re never available! I just want to be able to have my Kalia back! The one where she didn’t care about paparazzi and when she was the only girl drummer in the all-boys band in high school! The one where all she wanted was to be lowkey and live a normal life?!

Kalia is taken back by Micah’s words.

Kalia: If you really feel that way, then this makes doing this a lot easier on my end…

Micah doesn’t say anything back.

Kalia: I think we should break up. I’m simply not the girl you want to be with, and I would hate to keep you waiting for her. She’s not coming back and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that sooner.

Micah: Are you fucking serious?

Kalia: Yeah, I am. I thought maybe we could at least take a break while I was in Sweden, but… I think it’s just better if we ended the relationship.

Micah is at a loss for words. Kalia begins to get up from her seat, getting ready to leave the restaurant.

Micah: So that’s it? You’re not going to ask me how I’m feeling or what I want to do?

Kalia keeps silent, which infuriates Micah.

Micah: Of course not, because you never want to know. You’re going to do whatever the fuck you want to do, so go ahead and do it.

Kalia: I’m sorry, Micah.

Kalia gathers her things and walks out, leaving behind the gift bag of Micah’s gifts to her, and Micah.

The "Something" Series: Season 2

Somewhere in Korea, Something Feels Foreign: A Monologue.

liz
Night scene of Seoul downtown city skyline, Aerial view of… | Flickr

I turned on the lights to my apartment. Everything still looks the same for the most part; I could tell where Mina and Lia would come in and clean up the dust that gathered here when I was gone. Is it crazy to feel like I am a stranger in my own home? Within the last couple of years, I’ve been out of this space more than I’ve been in it, and it’s unbelievable to think that I’m here for good.

I dropped my luggage near the doorway and walked towards the living room. I sat on the couch, staring at the blank television screen. I look around and rub my eyes with my hands; I should just go to sleep and get the rest, but somehow my body knew this wasn’t going to be a sleepful night.

I keep replaying what Ari told me at her apartment. “If you care about her, you would let her go”. Did something happen with Grace? Did she leave New York to live a new life? Did I drive her away from where her home was in New York? I couldn’t help but think this was my fault. Maybe I ruined her life, confusing her every time I had to leave to come back to Korea. Maybe she didn’t trust me anymore for me to stay with her, protect her, be with her in ways that she needed to be. I shut my eyes at the thought until I heard my phone vibrating on the coffee table. I open my eyes, looking at the lit-up screen. It’s Kevin, and for once I don’t pick up the phone. What is there to say? Hi, yeah no I’m actually in Korea right now, so I know how late it is and you should’ve just called in the morning. I don’t even bother. I just get up from the sofa and walk out of the living room and upstairs into my bedroom. The sheets are untouched. It was like a ghost was living here all those months I was away. But I’m here for good, and I guess I have to make this feel like home as much as possible from now on.

I closed my eyes as soon as I got into bed. Maybe I was exhausted as much as I should’ve been.

“Jamie!” I heard Grace calling me from the kitchen. I get up from my office and walk to her. I smile as she holds our child. “Can you watch the baby while I run upstairs and grab some more kitchen towels?”

“Of course,” I walk towards Grace as she hands me the baby. Grace kisses me on the cheek and books it upstairs. I smile, knowing that Grace was probably trying to get these towels for the longest of time, but somehow our child clings onto her at every second of the day. I look at our baby and smile. I bounced them in my arms as they play with a little puppy toy. I walk around the apartment, having conversations with them as if they can answer me back. They somewhat do, in giggles and in noises.

“You’re helping eomma cook dinner, agi?” I asked. They coo and babble, and I can’t help but smile wide. “Eomma and appa love you so much,” I continued. I didn’t realize Grace was standing at the doorway of the kitchen, smiling and looking at us interact. I look back at her and smiled until an extremely loud voice surrounded the apartment. The baby started crying, Grace began to panic, and I had no idea how to make things better–

I shot up from my bed, literally sweating profusely. I look at the alarm clock next to me, ringing viciously to wake me up. I turn it off and catch my breath. It wasn’t that long after that I get up and begin walking back downstairs to the living room area. Before walking to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, I hear my phone vibrate again on my coffee table. I walked over to it, not even looking at the screen to see who it is.

“yeoboseyo?” I answered, sleepily. My eyes widen when I realized it was Kevin on the other line.

“Hyung, I’ve been trying to call you all day to check on you! I mean I can get the message that you and Grace were probably busy but–“

“Kevin,” I stopped him from continuing. “I just woke up. I’m not in America. I’m back in Korea.”

“What?” Kevin sound genuinely surprised. “What do you mean you’re back in Korea?”

“I got home late last night.”

“What about Grace though?” Kevin questioned. I was getting angry at the conversation.

“Ya, I haven’t even been home for less than 24 hours and you are hounding me about Grace. There is no more Grace. Grace fucking disappeared from the face of the Earth! Now please, can I enjoy my day without being reminded of the woman that ruined my fucking life?” I immediately hung up the phone afterward. I wasn’t even hungry anymore, nor wanting coffee after that call. I rubbed my eyes with my hands, instantly exhausted from the day once again. I couldn’t stay in the house any longer. Instead, I went upstairs to get dressed and leave the apartment for the day.

I walked outside and immediately felt a wave of anxiety across my body. How did I feel like a foreigner in my own country? I couldn’t even remember where the nearest coffee shop was, I couldn’t even remember how much a cup of coffee was in Korea anymore. I was so used to paying things in United States Dollars, I completely forgot the Won currency here in Korea. I felt completely lost. In a sense, I could hear my mother’s voice in my head with her worries for me becoming too westernized and American. What can I say though? I felt more at home in New York than I ever did in Korea.

Eventually, I make it to the nearest coffee shop that I could find in the area. The smell of brewing coffee woke me up. I never knew how much I really relied on coffee to get me through the day. I walk up the counter, reading the menu on the wall while I wait on line. I looked at my phone fro the first time since Kevin called me, not realizing he sent messages after our conversation.

Kevin: What the hell happened in America?
Kevin: Hyung, don't do this again.
Kevin: She's not Seohyun.

I couldn’t stand Kevin metalling in my business anymore. I am trying to just move on with my life; it’s what everyone wants me to do anyway. My family wanted me back in Korea. Ari wanted me to leave Grace alone. The universe wanted things to happen this way. I put my phone back in my coat pocket and finally reach the counter. I ordered a hot coffee and took it to one of the tables in the cafe. I look around, taking in the atmosphere, trying to get comfortable. But, I never really do.

I just feel like one person in a country that doesn’t feel like home anymore.

Black Sheep in Society.

Romantically Inclined Black Sheep: A Scene.

liz

The bell to the front door of the college bookstore is heard when it swings open. Micah walks in there and immediately looks within the aisles. Rosie, who is working at the register today, watches Micah walk around the store in a hurry. When he can’t find what he is looking for, he walks up to the counter where Rosie is.

Micah: Hey Roe, do you guys sell like flowers or cute shit?

Rosie raises an eyebrow.

Rosie: At a college bookstore?

Micah sighs loudly. Rosie leans on the counter to talk to Micah.

Rosie: What’s going on?

Micah: I haven’t had the time to go shopping for a gift for Kalia and our date is, well… later tonight.

Rosie: *shakes her head* Very typical for a man.

Micah: Look, I don’t have time to stop by a store after class to get something; I was going to do it this weekend but–

Rosie: You forgot?

Micah doesn’t say anything, he just nods his head.

Micah: I can’t fuck this up.

Rosie sighs and looks around the store with Micah.

Rosie: Okay, let’s see what we can do…

Rosie looks on the shelves and sees the gifts section of the bookstore. She pulls a latte plushie off from the shelf.

Rosie: She would like this? I mean, models drink lattes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner; right?

Micah rolls his eyes and takes the plushie from Rosie.

Micah: I mean, it has a cute face…

Rosie continues to walk down the aisle to the trade book wall. She looks through the selections and pulls out a poetry book.

Rosie: It’s no Dickinson, but girls like poetry, I guess?

Micah: *confused* Do you not identify as one?

Rosie rolls her eyes and continues to walk towards where the snacks are.

Rosie: What kind of candy does she like?

Micah doesn’t say anything. Rosie looks up back at Micah when he stays silent.

Rosie: Do you not know what she likes?

Micah: She’s an aspiring actress; unless you guys sell vegetable-like candy, I don’t think she’s gonna want candy.

Rosie shakes her head in disbelief and puts the candy back.

Rosie: Well, college students like to snack on junk, so Kalia might like the water we sell here… I mean it’s pH-balanced…

Micah goes to the counter to place the plushie and poetry book. Rosie walks behind the counter to check him out.

Micah: This should be enough…

Rosie: Why are you so jittery about this date with your girlfriend?

Micah: *sighs* It would be our first date in over a month…

Rosie widens her eyes as she scans the items.

Rosie: Everything’s good?

Micah: She’s busier than ever, so we haven’t gotten the chance to actually spend time with each other.

Rosie: That sounds concerning…

Micah: *brushes it off* We’re fine, she’s just working towards her career. I can’t be mad at her for doing so.

Rosie: Okay, if you feel that way, who am I to tell you anything…

Micah looks at Rosie, raising an eyebrow at her. He takes the bagged goods and puts his card back in his wallet.

Micah: I should get going; can I get your notes for class today tomorrow?

Rosie: You’re skipping class today?

Micah: I have to, Kalia’s only available this afternoon.

Rosie rolls her eyes and sighs.

Rosie: Yeah, I got you.

Micah nods in appreciation and leaves the bookstore in a hurry. Rosie shakes her head.

Rosie: That boy is whipped.

…

Micah gets off the bus with a gift bag and flowers. He’s in his best business casual attire: a button-down shirt, black jeans, and black converse with a black blazer on. He takes in a deep breath and walks towards the restaurant he’s meeting Kalia at.

Once he walks in, he sees that the restaurant has been reserved for just them two. Micah’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

Waiter: Right this way, Mr. Kamalani.

Micah is taken back by the hospitality of the waiter. He follows the waiter towards the balcony section of the fancy restaurant, where there is a table set up for two. Micah sits down in one of the seats and patiently waits for Kalia to arrive.

He waits for Kalia for an hour before she finally arrives.

When Kalia arrives, she’s dressed in a very fancy dress; it’s much fancier than the outfit Micah has on. He gets up from his seat to greet his girlfriend. He kisses her on the cheek.

Micah: I thought you were ditching me today.

Kalia: No, no! I had to get something extra special on my way here.

Micah looks confused when Kalia grabs his arm and leads him towards the back. When entering the back valley of the restaurant, Kalia runs towards the surprise. Micah looks at Kalia in shock, not really believing what’s happening in front of him.

Kalia: Surprise!

Micah slowly walks towards the motorcycle that he used to go and visit back at the motorcycle shop.

Micah: W-what? What’s going on?

Kalia: *points to motorcycle* This beauty is yours!

Micah’s face lights up and walks toward the motorcycle. He still looks completely in awe.

Micah: How did you know this was the one I’ve been looking for?

Kalia: I had some help from Tanner. He told me the motorcycle has been on your mind for quite some time and, well, I wanted to get it for you.

Micah: Kal, this is–

Kalia: It’s the least I can do for you, Micah.

Kalia looks uneasy when saying it, but Micah doesn’t notice it. He finally accepts the fact that the motorcycle he has been eyeballing is finally is. He turns around and hugs Kalia tightly, lifting her off of the ground.

Micah: You are absolutely amazing; thank you so much, babe!

As he hugs her, Kalia fakes a smile, trying to hide the worry on her face when the two disembark from their hug. Micah grabs Kalia’s hand and heads back into the restaurant.

Micah: Let’s have an amazing date together.

Kalia: Yep.

The "Something" Series: Season 2

When Something Really is Nothing: A Monologue.

liz
39,850 Apartment Building Hallway Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock

“Jaemin-ah,” Seohyun’s voice whispered. I snap back to reality; I look up at the ceiling and then to my side, where Seohyun lays next to me, in her pajamas. I look at her, who then smiles at me. “What should we do on our weekend off?” I wrapped my arm around her, bringing her closer to me.

“Seohyun-ah…” I started, then sighed. I didn’t need to say anymore; she knew what was coming. Her smile faded away.

“You have to go in today? It’s Saturday, though,” Seohyun protested. I kissed her on the forehead, trying to reassure her.

“I have to, it’s my trial case,” I explained to her. She shifts in the bed and puts the covers over her. SHe’s clearly upset at me. This wouldn’t be the first time I had to leave this bed to go into work. I turned over to Seohyun, trying to unravel her from the covers.

“Seohyun-ah,” I playfully said her name. I begin to tickle her, which makes her giggle and surrender. She turns around and smiles at me, and I smiled back. Nothing was said for a moment until she took a deep breath.

“Come back quickly,” Seohyun said. I nodded my head.

“I will,” I answered.

…

I stood in the door way of Ari’s apartment, not knowing what to say next. Here I was, just missed my flight back to Korea to come and see Grace, and she’s not even in New York anymore. Where the hell would she be? Why would she leave? What was happening?

“Jamie?” Ari asked. I snapped out of my thoughts, immediately focusing in on Ari. She looked back at her partner, who nods his head. She turns around and leads me towards the hallway of her apartment. She closes the door behind her before saying anything to me.

“Did she not tell you she was going?” Ari asked. I was confused. Why would Grace tell me where she was going? I didn’t say anything back, but Ari immediately rolled her eyes. “Of course she didn’t.”

“We haven’t spoke to each other since–” I couldn’t say it. It was like every time I mentioned our last conversation, it reminded me that it was the last time I spoke to Grace, and most likely will be the last conversation I’ll ever have with her. Ari’s face begins to feel unsettling. I may not know Ari that well, but I know that no matter what, she keeps a strong and confident face on. She doesn’t look that way at this moment, and because of that, I’m now worried.

“Jamie,” Ari started. “You and I both know that Grace was in a much better place when things were… better…” She struggled to continue. I couldn’t understand where she was going with this. What was she implying? She sighed before continuing.

“You know Grace has been struggling with… a lot, and she left for… herself. She’s been through a lot these last couple of years–“

“–With me?” I spat out. Ari was taken back. Her hard exterior appeared once again.

“I think Grace has been the best version of herself when she met you,” Ari answered back. “But,” she continued, “She’s struggled with a lot since then and she left to figure some shit out.” I didn’t know what Ari was implying. She looked at me like I was foreign, like I had something to do with Grace’s departure.

“I don’t know what Grace has told you about me–” I began, but Ari immediately cut me off.

“Jamie, this really isn’t about you at this point,” Ari bluntly said. I was taken back at the remark. If this wans’t about me, then why would she just up and leave her life behind in the city? “Grace needed to do this for herself and… I don’t know, if you really cared about her, you’d be happy she made this choice.”

“If I cared about her?” I said more angry than concerned. I was upset that Ari, who is Grace’s best friend, would even question if I cared about Grace. Of course I did. I care about her more than anything else in this world, and I wanted to tell her that personally, to let her know that I do more than just care for her. I love her.

“Yeah, Jamie; if you cared about her you would let her go,” Ari coldly said. I couldn’t contain my anger anymore. It was like I had to prove myself over and over again, and it was tiring. “Maybe things are better off this way. I don’t know where she went, and quite frankly it’s better off that way. She needs to take space for herself or else she would’ve gotten herself hurt, Jamie. I wouldn’t– and I know you wouldn’t– want anything to happen to her.”

I didn’t say anything; I had nothing else left to say. At this point, nothing I would say to Ari would matter, and quite frankly, I was tired of talking with Ari. She wasn’t the person I wanted to talk to, and there’s just no reason for me to be here. I surrendered, nodding my head as I began to turn away from Ari’s door.

“Jamie,” Ari called out. I turned around slowly, not really interested in what she had to say; then again, she’s the only connection I have with Grace at this point. “Give her space.” I nodded back, and turned away and began to walk down the hallway towards the elevator.

I don’t know how I feel in this moment. Kevin was right; I didn’t want to leave New York before talking to Grace. It was a mistake to let her sit within everything she told me without even reaching out to her. I should’ve said something. I should’ve went to her sooner and told her everything I wanted to tell her. I needed her to understand that I couldn’t do this back and forth anymore. I couldn’t allow myself to keep coming back and leaving her behind. Maybe this is what I needed to feel; how she felt every time I had to leave.

But this time, I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay.

But that doesn’t matter anymore. I’m just amiing something out of nothing.

Black Sheep in Society.

Damper on the Black Sheep: A Scene.

liz

Micah sits at his desk, playing with a couple of music softwares on his laptop. He doesn’t seem to be doing it to enjoy it; he looks annoyed as if he was trying to forget whatever was on his mind. He stops when he hears his phone ringing on his bed. He turns around and sees that it’s Tanner. He answers the phone.

Micah: Yo, what’s up?

Tanner: Hey man, I just wanted to know if you wanted to hang out today; Dani’s at her mom’s for the day and–

Micah: *teases* Don’t know what to do without Dani, huh?

Tanner: *defensive* It’s not like that! It’s just– well the warm weather is gonna go away soon and today’s been a nice day and–

Micah: Tanner, just say you need company since Dani isn’t home.

Micah laughs once he hears Tanner sigh on the other end of the line.

Micah: Where are you tryna go?

Tanner: Pizza from Chee-Z’s sounds really good right now.

Micah: Iight bet, I’ll meet you there in like 30.

The boys agree and hang up the phone. Micah grabs his light jacket and his bag and heads out of his bedroom.

…

Micah walks the long route towards the pizza parlor. He walks to a motorcycle dealership and looks around the place. He spots a motorcycle that immediately catches his eye. While walking up to it and observing it, his phone rings in his pocket. Without looking, Micah answers his phone.

Micah: Hey Tan-Man, I’m a couple of blocks away at the–

Kalia: *confused* Micah?

Micah: *widens eyes* Kalia?

Micah looks at the screen to see it’s, in fact, Kalia.

Micah: Everything’s alright?

Kalia: *sigh* Not really. I really want to apologize for what happened at your gig yesterday…

Micah doesn’t say anything back; he continues to look at the motorcycle.

Kalia: Hello? Micah?

Micah: Huh?

Kalia: *annoyed* Are you listening to what I’m saying?

Micah: *sighs* Look Kal, it’s fine. I’m a bit busy right now, so can we talk about this later?

Kalia: I’ll see; I’m meeting my father for dinner later…

Micah rolls his eyes at the response.

Micah: We’ll talk when we get the chance. I’m meeting up with Tanner, I’ll talk to you later…

Kalia: Okay. I love you.

Micah shuts his eyes for a moment before answering.

Micah: I love you too.

…

Micah: So the motorcycle I was telling you about from the shop? She’s still there! *swoons* I have to get her.

Micah and Tanner are sitting in a booth at the local pizza parlor. Tanner takes a sip from his cola.

Tanner: You’re really trying to get this motorcycle, huh?

Micah: Tan, she’s the perfect shade of gunmetal and black! Her purr is probably hypnotic!

Tanner: But don’t a motorcycle cost, like, an arm and a leg? I doubt your part-time job pays enough for you to afford it.

Micah rolls his eyes at Tanner, but he knows that he’s right.

Micah: *sighs* Why couldn’t I have just been born rich?

Tanner shrugs his shoulders and begins to eat the pizza pie that the waitress brings to their table. They both take a slice, to begin with.

Tanner: *while eating* Did you and Kalia work things out?

Micah: When are we not trying to figure things out? I feel like all Kal and I do is just apologize to each other.

Tanner: I mean, you said it yourself: you signed up for this.

Micah: Yeah, I did, but I feel like I’m getting punished for doing so more than anything…

Micah leans back in the booth.

Micah: What if she’s cheating?

Tanner laughs mid-sip. He places his glass of cola back down on the table.

Tanner: Not to be mean but, she barely has time to be with you; what makes you think she’s spending her time with someone else? If anything, she’s cheating on you with her career. Or her dad–

Micah: Eww?

Tanner: I’m just saying, bro; she seems like she has no interest in anything going on in your life, and that’s something that shouldn’t be in the agreement that you signed.

Micah doesn’t say anything back. He plays with the straw in his glass of cola.

Micah: Do you think she loves me, man?

Tanner: I wanna say yeah, like why wouldn’t she? You guys have been together for so long!

Micah: But… what if she loves her job more than me?

Tanner doesn’t say anything right away; he just looks at Micah uneasy.

Tanner: I mean, she’s passionate about what she does–

Micah: *annoyed* Tanner, just say it.

Tanner: Yeah, it seems like she does at times.

Micah sighs and takes another slice of pizza and plops it down on his plate.

Micah: I don’t know what to do with her, bro.

Tanner: If you want to stay with her, then I say you guys have to talk things out. I can see just how much you love her, man. Maybe she just needs to be reminded that she has a guy that cares about her… take her out on a date!

Micah: *defeated* What’s the point in trying?

Tanner throws his fist on the table, making a “thud” sound.

Tanner: Because you love her! And you want to work things out with her! You have to show her that you care about her and your relationship. Maybe if she sees that you’re willing to fohgt for it, she will too.

Micah takes in this information and begins to consider it.

Micah: Maybe you’re right. Maybe with dinner and stuff, we could easily talk about things instead of just brushing them off.

Tanner nods his head in agreement and continues to eat the pizza. Micah begins to gather his things.

Tanner: Bro, where are you going?

Micah puts in half of the money on the table for the pizza pie.

Micah: I gotta start planning and moving shit around in my schedule for this, I’ll talk to you later!

Micah walks out of the pizza parlor in a hurry, leaving Tanner there to finish the rest of the pizza on his own.

Misc.

Thoughts on Yesterday’s NYC Subway Attack.

liz

I moved to Sunset Park with my family 22 years ago. This neighborhood has been home to where both my mother and father grew up in, and one that my sibling and I have grown up in as well. I was 6-years-old. I traveled these streets with friends as a teenager. I visited these stores and parks as I was growing up. I went to elementary and middle school in the neighborhood and made friends with those who lived in the area as well.

Sunset Park is what we call “the melting pot” of South Brooklyn. In our neighborhood that expands 30 blocks and 4 avenues, we are surrounded by Hispanics, Asians, Jewish people, and a mixture of every other demographic in New York. It’s a neighborhood that you don’t hear much about in the news unless it’s about our annual Puerto Rican Day Parade on 5th Avenue or the Lunar New Year Festival on 8th Avenue.

So when the events of today’s horrible and tragic mass shooting happened within our neighborhood this morning, most of us– if not all– were left frozen in shock.

Around 8:30am on Tuesday morning, a gunman threw a gas canister in a Northbound N-train between the (presumably) 59th Street and 36th street stops. When the train pulled into the 36th street train station, the doors opened and smoke engulfed the train station. Dozens of people on that specific train cart fled the train, whether it was to run away from the scene or out of the train station, or to fall on the ground of the platform, bloody, waiting for help to come their way. In the end, 30 people were injured and/or hurt; 10 people were shot while on that train. As I am writing this, an investigation is still active and the suspect is still at-large.

I woke up this morning not really understanding the severity of it all. I was getting ready for work like I would normally do, and checked the bus that would take me at least halfway to my job. There was only one bus on-route, which was an hour away. Yeah, that particular bus takes a while to come to my stop, but it has never been to that extent. When I got on social media to read more about what was going on, I couldn’t help but feel sick to my stomach. A train station, which is literally 10 minutes away from me and that I frequently go on to travel myself, was now a crime scene. It was now surrounded by NYPD, FDNY, and even the Bomb Squad. It was crazy to think something like that would happen so close to home. I stayed home for my own safety and to ease my anxieties of traveling even though it wouldn’t be on the train itself.

It’s now a couple of hours later and the helicopters aren’t as audible as they were when it was daytime. There aren’t sirens going off every 5 minutes like they were earlier on in the day. For the most part, everything has calmed down for the night, but it doesn’t mean that waking up tomorrow for the morning commute are going to be easy. Any New Yorker is.

For the families and friends who directly were affected by this tragic event, my heart goes out for you. These people were mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, friends and so much more to those on that train this morning. I can’t help but think about my own family and what they would have had to go through if one of us were involved in such a tragic event.

It hits you harder when you see your own neighborhood on TV with dozens of medical assistance, news vans with reporters, and NYPD activity as heavy as it was earlier today. You walk out of your house and it immediately feels like a scene of a movie. It’s unfathomable. It’s something that normally doesn’t happen. It’s something that shouldn’t ever happen to any neighborhood in real life. But sadly, it does, and for a neighborhood as amazing as SUnset Park, I am saddened that this tragic event will forever taunt the beauty behind this neighborhood.

We have to be better and smarter about what goes on into our neighborhoods. We need to end this non-stop violence on the subway and make New Yorkers feel safe again. We travel the 5 boroughs on public transportation, and to take that away from us due to the fear that our morning commutes on a new day or to go home after work or school will turn for the absolute worst. We need to do something about all this violence in our communities and enforce rules to help protect ourselves.

I will forever be a New Yorker, a Brooklynnite, and Sunset Park Resident (whether I move elsewhere in the future or not). We are strong, resident, and able to come together to fight what is right for our community.

Black Sheep in Society.

Just As A Black Sheep Expected: A Scene.

liz

It’s the day of Micah’s big gig, and Micah sits backstage waiting for his time to perform. He peaks into the audience, where he sees people of all ages hanging out and enjoying the various performances of the night. He spots Dani and Tanner sitting together in the audience; he’s thankful that they always show up. He continues to look around to see if Kalia is in the audience; no luck.

The last act before intermission finishes, which means he’s the next act when intermission finishes. He takes in a deep breath to let out all the nerves in his body. He continues to look at his phone for any messages from Kalia; nothing.

Before he puts his phone back into his pocket, it vibrates in his hand. He reads the notification and sees that it’s Rosie.

Roe: They got you performing in a fancy-ass place! Okay, rockstar!

Micah peaks out of the curtain and searches the audience one last time. He sees Rosie sitting in the back row, looking around the venue. He looks down at his phone and sends her a text message back.

Micah: Thanks for coming out, Roe. See you after the show~

Micah puts his phone away when the intermission is over and the backstage crew call for him to get ready.

Announcer: Alright, alright! Welcome back to the Oxygen Lounge’s Amateur Night! We’re hope you’re having a great time tonight. Next in our lineup is Brooklyn native, Micah Kamalani! He’s an aspiring DJ and producer under the name Salem, so watch him mix your beats and create his own! Give it up for Salem, y’all!

The audience cheers and claps their hands as Micah walks out towards the stage.

Micah: How’s everyone doing tonight!

The audience cheers in response.

Micah: That’s what I like to hear! Tonight, I’m gonna give you guys something unreleased, y’know, a little something I’ve been working on. This song right here is called “Knock Me Out”. Enjoy!

The music begins to play and Micah immediately gets lost in the music. He dances and vibes to the beat before singing a song about a woman that he wants to get to know better romantically. The song is sexy, and Micah sways to the beat as he sings the lyrics. Dani and Tanner are bumping their heads to the beat, as well as everyone else in the audience. Rosie watches Micah in surprise; she’s never seen him in his element like this before. She also begins to vibe to the song.

Towards the climax of the song, a woman walks in with sunglasses and her hair tied up in a clean-looking bun. She sits towards the back of the venue, in which Rosie notices. She looks towards the girl as she takes off her sunglasses. Rosie’s eyes widen as she knows exactly who that is: Micah’s girlfriend. She shakes her head, dumbfounded that his girlfriend would literally get to the show moments before Micah’s set is over.

Micah looks into the audience and finally sees Kalia sitting there. Inside he’s disappointed she arrived so late, but he tries his best to hide it from the audience, and hide it within his performance.

Rosie begins to feel uncomfortable sitting so close to Micah’s girlfriend. Once Micah finshies his song and the crowd applauds Micah’s performance, Rosie gets up from her chair and walks out of the venue.

…

The night’s performances come to an end, and the venue now opens up to its regular hangout spot. Micah comes from the backstage area and meets up with his friends.

Tanner: That was so fire, bro!

Tanner greets Micah with a handshake into a hug; Micah smiles.

Micah: Thanks, man.

Dani: This was so much better than the last performance. Like, your last performance was great, but this was just different!

Dani pounds Micah with her fist, in which he returns it to her. Moments later, he looks around the venue for Rosie. He doesn’t see her anywhere. He stops searching once he sees Kalia walking towards him.

Kalia: Hey, babe!

Kalia kisses Micah and gives him a hug. Micah smiles at his girlfriend. His friends stand there, watching the couple.

Kalia: You were so good.

Tanner: Good?! That song was amazing, like that needs to be on Spotify like right now!

Micah laughs and Kalia doesn’t say anything back. Dani takes Tanner and gives Micah and Kalia some alone time.

Micah: Glad you were able to make it.

Kalia kisses Micah on the cheek.

Kalia: I wouldn’t have been anywhere else.

Micah smiles at Kalia. Her phone begins to ring, and picks up the phone. It’s her agent. Micah’s smile fades away. Kalia ends the phone conversation and looks at Micah.

Kalia: I have a table reading in a few for a movie, so I can’t stay for long.

Micah: *confused* Movie?

Kalia: Oh, yeah! My father got me a table reading for this movie with a director he’s close with. If everything goes well, I might actually get the role!

Micah doesn’t react right away, in which Kalia’s excitement fades away as well.

Kalia: Are you not happy for me, babe? You know I’ve been working hard for this—

Micah: No, no, I’m… happy for you. I just wish I knew about this sooner.

Kalia: I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I’ve just been so busy with auditions and preparations…

Micah: *annoyed* Yeah, but I’m your boyfriend, Kal. You didn’t think to tell me when you first got the movie deal?

Kalia: I didn’t get it, Micah.

Micah: You know what I mean. I just feel like I’m one of the last people to know what’s going on with my own girlfriend.

Kalia: You’re making a big deal out of nothing…

Micah: Am I? Kal, I’m just saying: I feel like I’m never in the loop about your career and auditions and stuff.

Kalia sighs loudly. She anxiously keeps looking at her phone. Micah rolls his eyes.

Micah: Just go, Kal. I’ll talk to you later. Again, thanks for coming…

Micah kisses Kalia on the forehead half-assed, he simply just walks away from Kalia, towards the exit of the venue.

He takes out his phone and checks it to see if there are any notifications. Nothing. He opens his messages with Rosie and begins to text her.

Micah: Hey, everything’s okay? Didn’t see you after the show.

He puts his phone back into his bag and begins to walk away from the venue. What a day to end his important night.

Overexposed: A Self-Love Project.

Overexposed: PMDD after WLS.

liz

People have this belief that when you lose weight, you miraculously also lose the depression and anxiety (or any poor mental health) you have. Maybe it’s the people’s fault for believing in such a superficial thing. Maybe it’s my fault for allowing people to believe I was doing a lot better mentally since having surgery.

Hi, my name is Liz and I am currently going through PMDD and have been even before having weight-loss surgery.

When I was younger (like, in my teenage years), most people couldn’t tell whenever I was on my period. It came and went without any true mood swings or noticeable behaviors that would indicate it was my time of the month. “You’re always just so bubbly and happy” is what I would hear others say whenever I spoke about having my period.

As I got older, things changed. Once I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I also felt my cycles becoming more intense and difficult to handle. For one, I would overanalyze and overthink everything that was going on in my life, and when I couldn’t control everything that I was being anxious about, I would make impulse decisions that I tend to regret once I feel like my head is in a better place. A couple of years later, I was diagnosed with PMDD, or Premenstrual dysphoric disorder.

For those who may not know what PMDD Is, it’s a much more severe form of PMS. In a nutshell, it’s when the PMS stage is so severe, the person’s mental health deeply declines and their daily functioning declines as well. For me, PMDD feels like a battle of survival; that’s not even a joke. I am constantly fighting myself to be okay and keep calm during that time of month; sometimes I succeed while other times I find myself failing miserably. Plus, if I’m already juggling stress and anxiety prior to starting this cycle, the PMDD is a lot more extreme…

even if I am losing weight after having surgery.

At the end of the day, just because I am at a place in my life where I am making progress in bettering my physical health, it doesn’t automatically mean my mental health is now “cured”. I am going to continue to be affected by things that occur within my body; it’s just how my anatomy works.

I am not saying to walk on eggshells around me. I am not saying that I should be avoided and isolated at all costs when this time of the month comes. Yes, I will admit that I become the complete opposite of who I truly am, but I am still trying and learning to be okay as possible during this time.

All I ask is to be mindful and gentle with me. I am a hell of a lot more sensitive during this time, and quite honestly, I am a ticking time bomb on this particular week of the month. But, I am learning to have control over the things I can have control over, whether that means having to do what it takes for me to even be better for a small amount of time. But please, don’t assume this part of my life doesn’t exist because I should be happy for all the progress I’ve made in the past 9 months. I am grateful, but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel emotions like I once did and deal with issues in the same way I did before. I will always have the same mind, the same depressive episodes and anxiety attacks that don’t have anything to do with my weight loss; and I also have to remind myself that even with this new body I am learning to love and get used to on a day-to-day basis, I am in control of the things I put in my body during this time of the month and I am in control in how I take care for this body.

PMDD will tell my brain to throw out all of the progress I’ve made and eat things I shouldn’t. It will tell me that I should just eat/drink whatever it is it may be to just feel better for a quick moment or take a breather for once. But, even that causes me so much anxiety to the point where I feel like I have no control. Temporary happiness is not worth it.

As I go through the rest of my week and I hit the 9-month mark since having surgery, I remind myself that I still have such a long journey ahead of me. I still have so much of this process to live and get used to; one of them being the way I am able to control my food intake when I get into these really serious depressive episodes. I will find a way to handle my PMDD better, especially during the times when I’m entering that week already stressed out.

Weight loss doesn’t always equal happiness, and it certainly doesn’t mean my mind is now cured from the mental health illnesses I experience. It just means I am learning to adapt to this new lifestyle with some of the old lifestyle that I can’t easily get rid of.

And that’s okay if that’s the case.

Black Sheep in Society.

A Black Sheep Invite: A Scene.

liz

Micah walks into the college library, looking around to see if there are any available seats left. He spots a table near the corner of the first floor in which he rushes towards. He grabs the seat from the table and sits down, seeing that a group of students were going to take the spot first. Micah laughs to himself as he takes out his lyrics notebook. He focuses hard on what he wants to write, but his phone is constantly vibrating in his bag.

He takes out his phone and sees that Kalia is messaging him back-to-back. He opts to call her back.

Micah: Babe?

Kalia: I didn’t mean to disturb you! I know you’re in class right now.

Micah: Nah, I’m in the library waiting for my last class at 2.

Kalia: Ugh, my days are all mixed up. What are you up to?

Micah: I’m writing up some lyrics for the gig I have this weekend.

Kalia: Ooo! Are you excited?

While Micah is on the phone, he looks out the window, which is facing a parking lot closest to the library. He notices a Porsche sports car, which is extremely rare to see in a public college parking lot. He looks at the person coming out of the car; to his surprise, it’s Prescott Jones, the heir millionaire.

Kalia: Babe? Hello?

Micah: Huh? What?

Kalia: I asked if you’re excited about your gig.

Micah: Oh! Yeah! I am, and I hope that my number one supporter is there cheering me on…

He continues to look out the window at the fancy car and celebrity. The passenger door opens and someone comes out; a girl. The girl walks towards Prescott and crosses her arms as he looks at the girl. Micah widens his eyes.

Micah: *to himself* Rosie?!

Kalia: *confused* What?

Micah: *snaps back to reality* I mean, “my baby”! You’re going to be there Saturday, right?

Kalia: I wouldn’t miss it for anything.

Micah isn’t paying attention to Kalia on the phone. He continues to look out the window where Rosie and Prescott are in the parking lot. Prescott goes back into the car as Rosie walks away from the car.

Micah: I’ll talk to you later, I got some work I gotta finish before my class. Love you.

Kalia: Love you too.

Micah hangs up the phone and focuses on the window. He doesn’t see Rosie there anymore. He looks back down at his notebook, trying to put together lyrics for this gig. He draws a blank; his mind wanders to Rosie and Prescott. Micah’s thoughts run in circles, trying to figure out what the hell he just saw. Moments later, someone slams their hand onto the table. Micah looks up to see Dani. Behind her is her boyfriend, Tanner.

Dani: Ew, what are you doing hanging out in the library?

Micah: I was trying to write this damn chorus for my gig…

Micah slams the notebook shut, which catches the couple off-guard.

Dani: You okay? That was pretty aggressive.

Micah: *dismissive* I’m fine, just– *sighs* I gotta get this done before class.

Micah gathers his things from the table.

Dani: Damn! We just got here.

Micah: Sorry guys, I- I really need to get this done. I see you guys after my class!

Micah rushes out of the library, leaving his two friends behind.

…

Micah rushes out of the library and goes to work in the performing arts building, prior to where his next class is held. He hits on the floor on the balcony, trying to concentrate on his work. It’s no use. He slams the notebook shut and places it on the floor.

Rosie: You’re okay?

Micah looks up and sees Rosie standing there. She proceeds to sit next to him on the ground.

Micah: Yeah, just can’t focus for this damn gig…

Rosie nods her head, understanding Micah.

Rosie: You’ll get something down soon, don’t worry.

Micah looks at Rosie and smiles. He puts his notebook back into his bag and takes in a deep sigh.

Micah: So, how has your day been so far?

Rosie: Same ole shit. Worked at the bookstore.

Micah nods his head, knowing that’s not the truth. He lets it go.

Micah: Are you doing anything this weekend?

Rosie: *confused* Not that I know of; why?

Micah: Wanna come to my gig? It’s cool if you can’t.

Rosie cocks an eyebrow at Micah.

Micah: What?

Rosie: Nothing, I’m just surprised you want me to be at this important gig of yours.

Micah: Only the coolest of people get invited to the gigs.

Rosie: Well I’m honored to be *air quotes* the coolest of cool.

Micah nudges Rosie on her arm as Rosie laughs. The class before theirs finally is let out, which makes Micah and Rosie get up from the floor and get ready for their last class of the day: Art History.

Black Sheep in Society.

Black Sheep’s Sibling Therapy Session: A Scene.

liz

Micah bumps to the music in his headphones as he presses various buttons on a device connected to his computer; he is making music for the first time in awhile. It takes awhile for him to hear someone knocking on his door; in fact, the banging on this bedroom door gets him out of his zone, and back to his surroundings. He gets up from his seat and swings open his door, frustrated. His younger sister, Dylan, stands in the doorway.

Micah: Can I help you?

Dylan: Can we talk?

Micah sighs in annoyance.

Micah: Dyl, I’m in the middle of preparing for this gig–

Dylan: Please?

Micah looks at Dylan and sees that she’s being serious. Micah opens his door for his sister to walk in. She sits at the edge of Micah’s bed as he closes the door behind him.

Micah: What’s up?

Dylan: *sighs* It’s about Nathan.

Micah: *protective* What did that son of bitch do?

Dylan: No, no! He didn’t do anything—

Micah: Are you lying? Because if I found out that small dick boy did anything to you—

Dylan: *louder* Micah!

Micah stops talking. He looks at Dylan, who takes in a deep breath before saying anything.

Dylan: I feel like he cares about his music more than me.

Micah: Why do you think that?

Dylan grabs one of Micah’s pillows from his bed and wraps her arms around it, placing her head on top of it.

Dylan: He’s always doing band stuff, which is cool, but…

Micah: You wish he spent more time with you?

Dylan: Exactly! It’s like he doesn’t know what’s right in his face!

Micah looks visibly confused.

Micah: Wait, aren’t you guys dating?

Dylan doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t need to say anything for Micah to assume.

Micah: I’m not gonna rip his throat out if you guys are.

Dylan: No, it’s not that. It’s… well, we aren’t.

Micah: *understands* Ahh, you’re trying to get his attention. *protective* For what? Fuck that guy!

Dylan: C’mon, Micah! Can you actually talk to me like a person I can come to?

Micah crosses his legs and folds his hands in his lap.

Micah: Sorry. I’ll listen. So, you’re not dating, but you want to?

Dylan: He acts like he likes me back when we’re in school, but then his band members pull him away to practice and stuff and he just follows along and—

Micah: Hold on, lemme stop you there. Has he had this band for mad long?

Dylan: He’s the one that started it.

Micah: *understands* Now I get it. Dyl, as much as you want me to say that he’s just shy or some shit around you, I—

Dylan: No. I want to know what would you do if you were me.

The request takes Micah off-guard and is confused once again.

Micah: What?

Dylan: You’re in a relationship with someone that puts their career first.

Micah scrunches his eyebrows; he’s annoyed his sister phrased it out like that.

Micah: Kalia doesn’t do that.

Dylan: The number of times she’s missed important things in your life can’t be counted on your fingers anymore, Micah.

Micah: That’s different. Kalia has a career. She does this as her job. Your little crush is just a wannabe musician.

Dylan: *mad* Like you?

Micah: *angry* I’m nothing like him; set that straight.

Micah gets up from his seat and walks towards the door to open it.

Dylan: Wait! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. But I’m serious about Kalia. Every time Nate ditches me to do his music thing, I can’t help but think if you feel this way whenever she cancels or ditches on you.

Micah stands there; he doesn’t say anything back. He closes his bedroom door and walks back to the seat he was sitting in. He sits down.

Micah: Kalia and I are in a relationship. Technically, I signed up to be with someone of her status. You don’t have to deal with Nate’s shit if you don’t want to.

Dylan: But doesn’t it bother you when she just decides that her job is more important than you?

Micah: *stoic* No.

Dylan: It should, considering you’re dating her.

Micah: Like I said, I signed up to be with her, and it sucks to say this, but you’ll have to sign up for all of Nate’s shit if you want to date him. You have to talk to him about it.

Before Micah turns his chair around to face his desk, Dylan speaks.

Dylan: If you two weren’t dating though, would you stay trying to get her attention?

Micah doesn’t say anything. He ponders in thought and doesn’t answer Dylan back. He changes the subject.

Micah: Like I said, you gotta talk to him.

Dylan: But–

Micah: I really have to get this shit together before my gig on Saturday.

Dylan rolls her eyes and gets up from Micah’s bed. She begins to walk towards his bedroom door to leave. Micah feels bad.

Micah: *sighs* Dyl.

She turns around and looks at her brother.

Micah: You just have to do what feels right. If you like him, talk to him. He might not even know you like him or what to go out with him. Sometimes, you have to be the one to make the effort.

Dylan doesn’t say anything, so Micah goes back to preparing for his gig.

Dylan: Is Kalia going to your gig?

Micah: She is. She knows how important this is to me.

Dylan: *doubtful* Hopefully she’ll actually go.

Micah turns and faces Dylan one more time.

Micah: Nice talk. Now get out.

Dylan rolls her eyes and walks out of Micah’s room. He turns back towards his computer, trying to focus. It’s no use, his mind is too distracted to work on anything. He sighs in frustration, turning away from his music equipment.