Breathe, Liz. You got this.
Today is Monday, July 5th. My last day of work is tomorrow. I’m seeing a friend later in the week as my last hoorah for a while. I have to make last minute adjustments to my diet and get in touch with a couple of doctors and then, bam.
Hi, my name is Liz, and I have surgery in a week.
Even to this day, it hasn’t fully hit me that it’s coming and that this surgery is a lifetime change. It’s crazy to think that this time next month, I’ll still be in the recovering phase of the surgery and possibly a couple of pounds would already be lost. It’s kinda crazy to think about; it still feels incredibly surreal and something that’s not going to happen, but it is!
I wonder if body dysmorphia will become an issue when I start to drastically lose weight. I mean, I ask that because I’ve always been on the bigger side; I’ve never been a healthy weight or “skinny” in my life. I don’t know how different I will feel being something I never was.
I tend to already have a hint of imposter syndrome every now and then; I feel like I don’t deserve the good things that come my way or that I’m just a fraud and this life-changing surgery isn’t going to make those thoughts go away. It’s frustrating that other people’s perspective of this weight-loss surgery is that I’m going to get this “new body”, like I am able to dispose of my old body and get this new one that everyone will like and think is great and beautiful.
My body is still my body; it is just changing.
I think before anything else, I am reminding myself that no matter what, I’M going to be the same person I was going into surgery and coming out of surgery. I am going to still have my personality, my interests, morals and values, and everything else that meant a lot to me. At the end of the day, my body is still staying with me; she is just changing to become more healthier after feeling like she’s older than my actual age. Of course, this is easier said than done; I know there are nights to come when I miss my old lifestyle; I’m going to miss being able to eat whatever everyone else is eating and drinking at social settings. I’m going to miss not having restrictions and just drinking and eating the things that make me happy. I know there are going to be nights that I’m depressed or sad or stressed; it is inevitable during this transition.
Even more so, there will be times I don’t feel like myself because I don’t look like the person I am used to seeing.
For me, it’s important to keep the things I cherish and love close to my heart to help me transition into this new phase of my life. I’ve been writing penpal letters, decorating envelopes and letters, selling my extra photocards, writing for my blog, and listening to my favorite music on my playlists to remind myself that I still enjoy the things that make me the happiest and that they make me, me.
For now, I will be counting down the days until the surgery day approaches. I will be living my last week as normal as possible, doing what I gotta do, and just go into this surgery as smooth as possible and just to recovering!
At least I’ll have all the time in the world to catch up on Victon videos and write for the series’ on here! ;D