Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!
So, towards the end of 2018, I promised myself that going into 2019, I would become more assertive with myself, as well as prioritize my emotions and feelings more through communication and being more open and honest with myself. That’s a whole task, I know, but for the most part, it’s going well. I find myself not being so afraid to have conversations that are more on the serious side, I tend to not hold back how I’m feeling as much anymore, and I’m actively being more like myself than I have been since I honestly started therapy last year. But like my partner once told me, “once you get over the problems you’re currently having, it makes you stronger for the bigger ones coming as you get older.”
As to April’s first post on “Letters”, I opened up about discussing trauma secrets out into the world as being a liberating and healing experience for me. Opening up about something I’ve kept to myself for a year wasn’t something I was going to do until I told my therapist what was going on. If it wasn’t for her explaining the importance of speaking about it more to diffuse the energy it carries, I don’t think I’d be where I am currently in my life.
Thank you, Cathy.
When I started to talk more about the issue to the person who mattered the most (my partner), I began to understand that communication about anything negative in your life helps diffuse the energy that it carries. So not only was I just communicating my trauma secrets to diffuse that energy, but communicating even the toxic traits or the parts of me I self-loathe started to become easier because I began to discuss them more, whether that was with my loved ones, or my therapist.
For a person who hated confrontation and was scared of causing negativity to any degree for most of their life, speaking against these fears have been helpful in the process of me growing. It’s helped me put things into a more helpful and progressive perspective (say that five times fast!). For example: instead of me being afraid to get into a confrontation with friends and family because I was afraid of hurting their feelings or how they’ll react, I began to see it as a way to diffuse the energy between us and the issue, and the more we talk about these issues between us, the smaller they will become and we could move on from them to continue living our lives. Does that make sense?
At the end of the day, it’s more than just communicating for the hell of it; it’s about knowing why you are communicating this, how communicating this is going to help you, and how is it going to improve your way of communicating in the future. Also, don’t just communicate with someone about something for your own personal needs! Always, as much as you can, have a positive motive when talking to someone about something.
Instead of saying: “hey, we need to talk because I’m mad that x,y, and z”, you start off by saying, “hey, I feel the need to talk about this just to diffuse some negative energy behind it, so talking about this won’t be such a big deal in the future.”
Honestly, that’s all it takes.
Regarding my personal issues, you all already know just how open I am about my mental health and my progress and, believe it or not, that helps me diffuse the negative energy society has about mental health. I speak about my experiences to diffuse the negative energy and help others understand that mental health is bigger in other people’s lives than your own, and as well-rounded human beings, we all should respect that.
The more you talk about it, the easier it gets.