Topic Tuesdays: Raw & Personal

Epilepsy through a 4th-Grader.


I was once a child with epilepsy, and it’s something a lot of people don’t know about me.

My epilepsy story is weird because it truly came out of nowhere with no explanation to this day. To be honest, because of it being a brain disorder, I don’t remember much about this time because this disorder had me feeling disorientated and forgetful most of the time. What I remember, though, is that it started around May 2003 and I was just about to finish the third grade. I don’t remember having seizures at this time, but my mother started to notice me doing this weird head moving, arms moving motion every once in awhile until it became more frequent. Every time she would ask me what was wrong, I told her I was fine because I truly thought that I was fine. The truth, though, is that I had no idea what I was doing. My mother took me to my doctor and recommended for me to see a neuro doctor. This was the start of my frequent visits to the hospital.

Continue reading “Epilepsy through a 4th-Grader.”


Thirteen Reasons Why.

Yes. I hopped on the bandwagon and binge-watched all 13 episodes of the Netflix Original Series, Thirteen Reasons Why and I actually haven’t slept because I’ve been watching it all night. It honestly made me write this post minutes after I finished the series because the series as a whole is so fucking important to tell, especially in today’s society.

I guess here are my thirteen reasons why the series and storyline are super important and how honestly left me thinking about my own experience once being a 17-year-old teenage girl in high school.

I’ve read the book about three years ago during the winter break. I got the recommendation from an actress, actually, who I was following at the time. As many of you know, Thirteen Reasons Why is about a girl named Hannah Baker, a 17-year-old high school junior who commits suicide and leaves behind a set of cassette tapes, explaining the 13 reasons (and people) that caused her to take her own life. I warn you now, the last 5 episodes of the series is extremely graphic; showing scenes of rape, abuse, and a very graphic suicide scene. If you are triggered by these sensitive topics, then watch at your own risk, honestly.

Continue reading “Thirteen Reasons Why.”

Self-Appreciation Saturdays

Self-Appreciation Saturday (2/4/17).

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I am a fat girl, and I’m not ashamed to call myself that.

I never liked to call myself the “F” word because I thought it was more of an insult than a term to actually describe yourself. For years I would call myself chubby, thick, big, curvy, chunky; pretty much any variation of what it meant to be fat. As I started to get older, I realized that I wasn’t any of those things because the reality of it is that I am not just a little chunky. I’m not a little chubby. I’m more than thick and big is not doing it justice. I realized that the word “skinny” is widely used to describe people in a positive light, whereas “fat” isn’t.

I admitted to myself not too long ago that I was a fat girl, and I’m unapologetic about it.

I began to get bullied in the 6th grade; people would make fun of me to the point that I began to skip lunch in school and drink water for 8 hours a day. The bullying was bad to the point that I remember losing it during my math class one day at the end of the year. I mean, it took a visit to my principal and the guidance counselor from my parents to finally stop the bullying, but it doesn’t mean the image of being “the fat girl” ever went away.

Of course, as I got older, I began to gain more weight; it’s life. When I was 19, I had to get my gallbladder removed because I was beginning to get unbearable pain from it, not realizing that once I removed it, it would cause such a rapid weight gain. I gained 60 pounds in a matter of four years, and I am currently at my heaviest. I can share this about myself because I am now trying to get lose the weight that I gained, and not so I “feel better about myself”, but because I want to get healthier.

My weight does not make me ugly. “Fat” isn’t a term you call “ugly girls”. My weight does not limit me from doing everyday activities, although it does make some things more difficult to do than others. I can walk, I can run, I can stand, I can love, I can be sexy, I can have sex, and I can be appreciated in someone else’s eyes.

Fat people are still people.

Fat Girl/Fat Guy Love:

People have this assumption that if you are a fat person, your love life is pretty much doomed. People think that fat people aren’t attractive, so they look over them as potential partners (of course, unless fat people are your cup of tea). I will admit, I tend to look over fat guys who don’t appeal to me, and I can say that guys look at me and say the same thing; but why does it have to be that way? Why is it programmed in our minds that thinner people are more attractive? Why are people so turned off by a stomach and love-handles? The fact of the matter is fat people love just as much as thinner people, and we like people and have crushes the same way as well. I had a boy in my middle school tell me once that he didn’t like me because “I didn’t look like his type” and instead proceeded to ask me if I can talk him up to my more thinner, “prettier” friend. Things like that make fat people feel the way they do about themselves, and end up never loving themselves for more than just their body.

Screenshot 2017-02-03 at 2.55.09 PM.png After all of the years of being rejected by the people who I liked, I finally had a connection with a person who still thinks I’m cute and pretty and beautiful in my own way. He, of all people, knows that sometimes my fatness can make me insecure, especially in times of intimacy. One of the things that I acknowledged that he began doing was whenever we would just cuddle and fall asleep, he will place is hand on my stomach. At first, it make me feel very insecure about myself, and I would actually move it away sometimes. I realized that after he began doing that, I wasn’t so closed in with my body as I once was. I believe it was a sign telling me he didn’t care about it, and that he loved me for me. Every fat girl or guy should feel that revelation that they can be loved too.

Fat Sex:

Stop thinking that having sex with a fat person is a sin. It’s just sex with a fat person. People have this assumption that fat people don’t have sex. “Fat sex looks like it’s complicated, I mean how is she going to ride? How am I suppose to find the vagina/penis? Is it just fat slapping against each other when you’re doing doggie-style?”

Heh, listen.

Obviously in my situation, I am the fat person during sex; my partner is about 120 pounds lighter than I am, and from what we discussed, having sex with a fat person is just as regular as “average people sex”. I mean, there’s just more thighs, more boobs, and a lot more ass. I am able to do anything a thinner person can do during sex, so why do people think fat sex is nasty or disgusting? I don’t know about you, but sex is such an amazing experience for me, and when I’m in it, I feel confident, sexy, and alive doing it. The Nerdy Nonconformist said it best in her blog post, “Fat and Fuckin’“, that “we have sex lives – often, really really GREAT sex lives – and that we are not all just laying in the bed, huffing and puffing, doing the missionary position only.  Or always doing doggie style so we can rest on our elbows.  We can bounce like no other and can put ourselves in positions that are AH-MAZE-ING.” 

She also points out that just because fat people have sex, doesn’t mean that we are having sex just to have it. Fat people don’t “fuck” anyone just to feel desirable to someone. Fat people, especially fat girls, are not having sex with a man who wanted to have sex with her to say “I want to see how sex with a fat girl is like”. Fat people aren’t an experiment. Stop treating their sex lives as one.

Fat People Haters:

There will always be people out there that deem our bodies as disgusting and disgraceful because “we are killing ourselves with their fat bodies more and more each day and it’s unacceptable to be fat.” As much as you want to punch those kind of people in the face, you simply just need to ignore those type of people. Sometimes, it’s hard to look past all the negative things that comes with the word “fat”. It’s the first thing someone will call you if you’re arguing with someone and it’s the first thing people will joke on. It’s also the oldest insult and joke in the motherfucking book. How about you come for something that might actually hurt me? At the end of the day, people who try to put down the fat community are just upset that we are currently in a movement where fat girls can wear “fat-kini’s” in the summer time and a fat guy can be just as smooth as a skinny one. The fat community is beginning to accept and embrace themselves in ways that we haven’t for years on end.

If you defend yourself and love yourself, your body isn’t going to be the thing people worry about. They are going to be looking at you for your intelligence, generosity, and personality. Even the skinniest people can have ugly hearts and personalities.

Becoming healthier for you, not because you’re fat:

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Going back to my story, I am currently on Weight-Watchers because for me, my health matters more. I am not sorry for being a fat girl, and I’ve accepted the fact that at my current state, I am fat. What I won’t accept from it is the fact that now that I’m getting older, my health can begin to take severe downfalls because of the excessive weight gain. I am on this new journey in my life because I want to be healthier and more full of life, not because my fatness is ugly. Stop thinking that dieting is just me trying to lose weight, because while yes, that’s one of the main reasons people do dieting, the other big reason is that people just want to become healthier and adapt healthier lifestyles.

I’m tired of walking up flights of stairs and gasping for breath when I reach the top. I’m tired of not wanting to get the clothes that I like to wear because department stores think that fat girls only wear housewife, looking clothes. I’m tired of not wearing tank-tops in the summer because it’s personally one of my insecurities. Just because I’m tired of feeling this way, doesn’t mean I hate how I look. You should want to change to be healthy. Not because you think you’re ugly.

“Fat” isn’t ugly. It’s natural, and it’s life.

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-Liz (:

Throwback Thursdays

#TBT: All About 1998.


I was at my sassiest when I was four years old.

1998 is probably the earliest year that I can remember. I had just turned four years old, and the typical person starts to remember things when they turn four, and 1998 was that year for me. A lot of new and exciting things happened that year: I was now four, my aunt got married that summer, and I started Pre-K that September.

Momma Goose and her ducking: 4th Birthday.

I was one of those kids who loved going to school on my birthday. I used to love having my teachers and friends wish me a happy birthday, and we always used to have little classroom birthday parties. The best part of it all was the birthday kid use to get the birthday crown with their name on it. That night, I guess I wore it all day because I was that type of child.

Halloween 1998.


My family and I lived in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn in a little house. It was a little house, but it was the first and only house that I lived in. My sister’s bedroom was connected to the living room, the kitchen and bathroom were small, and my mother’s room seemed huge to me. I don’t remember where I slept, but it was probably either on the couch or with my mother. We lived next door to a girl named Sara. She was a 12-year-old girl who was more of good friends with my older sister, who at the time was 8. Downstairs, another Asian family lived there, who had two kids around my sister’s age as well. My sister was the popular kid on the block. Their mother used to make the sickest BBQ chicken, and whenever she made them, I wasn’t to be found for hours. Literally my weakness.

Me, my sister, and my father.


We were genuinely a happy bunch. Of course I was too young to know if they were any problems or issues, but from my four-year old perspective, life was good. I like to describe my 4-year old self being the younger version of who I am now; I was bubbly, sassy, cute & innocent. I mean, despite me being 19 years older than my 4-year-old self. Although my friends were sometimes my friends, my sister Megan was truly my only friend. Like the little sister I was, I wanted to be just like her, play with her friends and do things like her. Like the older sister she was, she never liked it. It took awhile for her to accept me, but 19 years later me and my sister are closer than ever. I wouldn’t want anyone else to be my sister other than Megan.

Megan introduced me to the Spice Girls in 1998, and ever since I was obsessed. Me and my sister loved would beg my mother to go to Blockbuster to rent the VHS of their movie, Spice World, which was the greatest thing at that time. As I got older though, I realize just how weird the movie really was, but it’s still a classic. We used to record their televised concerts on VHS tape, every picture we took we threw up the “girl power peace sign”, and we had all the possible Spice Girls merch we were allowed to have.

If you look closely, you see me laughing in mid-picture.


Amanda was possibly Megan’s bestest friend out of her gang of neighborhood friends. Funny story, her and Amanda were friends for a couple of years, but Amanda had moved away before we moved later in 1999, and since then they never kept in touch. Four years ago in 2013, we went to Pennsylvania to see my grandparents, and we find out that Amanda lived about 10 minutes away from them. They reunited that night, and it was bittersweet just watching them catch-up and reminisce, and see her in complete shock when I wasn’t the 4-year-old girl she once knew. Things like that happen in movies, not in real life.


The only actual memory I remember happening in 1998 is the day that my aunt got married; July 11th, 1998. It was at some country club in Staten Island, and me and my sister were the flower girls and my mother was… I want to say the matron of honor. Yeah. I remember walking down the aisle with my sister during the ceremony. I also remember eating outside during cocktail hour. I also remember actually going inside the dance hall and dancing my ass off all night.

This has been the only wedding I’ve ever went to; I was too young to attend my Uncle’s wedding from my father’s side in… I want to say in 1997? As I got older and was able to understand more about life, I found out that my grandfather passed away a year before the wedding happened. I don’t know if anyone cried about not having him there walk his daughter down the aisle, but I can imagine some people did. I sometimes wish I was able to remember my grandfather, and sadly I have no memory of him. But I know he was great to me and Megan, and that’s all that matters.

It’s surreal to know that I can remember these little things that happened 19 years ago. I think that’s the importance of taking physical photographs; taking pictures on your phone can easily get deleted, and they aren’t something physical to keep around you for years on end. I’ve looked at some of these pictures for years, and I can sightly remember how life was like when that photograph was taken.

I’m so glad to have been a 90’s baby. I will forever loved how childhood was like in the 90’s.

-Liz (: