The sky is clear on this particular winter night in NYC. Light music is playing in the background, and the lights are low in the apartment. A man walks out of a room in formal attire; he walks to the mirror in the living room and slicks his hair in place. He takes a deep breath as he finalizes his look for the night. He heads on over and puts on an apron to check the dinner cooking in the oven; everything is going as planned. His phone rings on the kitchen counter; Jamie automatically answers.

Jamie: Hello?

Shawn: *teasing* Hyung, you answered the phone way too desperately.

Jame takes the phone away from his ear and rolls his eyes. After he stops hearing laughter on the other hand, he places the phone back to his ear.

Jamie: Can I help you with something?

Shawn: Just checking in! I’m guessing Sandra didn’t make it yet.

Jamie: No, she hasn’t.

Jamie checks the food once more while Shawn talks on the phone.

Shawn: Well, she’s not the type of woman that wouldn’t show up. She’ll be there.

Jamie: *while closing the oven door* Remind me again why I even agreed to go on this date?

Shawn: Because she was staring at you in the meeting and asked me about you. Plus, you just… need someone else…

The doorbell rings and Jamie immediately gets anxious.

Jamie: She’s here–

Shawn: Wait, I wanna hear–

Jamie: *annoyed* Are you kidding me? I–

The doorbell rings once more. Jamie hangs up on Shawn and places the phone back on the counter. He takes off his apron and walks to the front door. He opens the door and there stands a woman with long black hair wearing a pea-coat and a short dress with heels. Jamie observes the woman, but smiles when she looks at him.

Jamie: I’m glad you can make it.

Sandra: The pleasure is all mine.

Jamie gestures Sandra to walk into the apartment. She walks in and looks around.

Sandra: Nice place you have, Jamie. Like really nice. *turns around* How did you get it in such short notice?

Jamie tilts his head in confusion.

Jamie: The firm I work for provides their workers these places…

Sandra: *amazed* Wow, you must make some really good money then!

Jamie awkwardly laughs and walks towards Sandra. He takes out a hand for her as she takes off her coat. He looks down at Sandra, surprised she’s not cold in what she’s wearing. She walks over to the couch and sits down. She looks at Jamie and smiles. He puts Sandra’s coat on a hanger and into the closet next to the front door.

He walks over to the couch and sits in respectful distance from Sandra. Sandra looks and him and gets closer to him. Jamie’s face flashes red when she does.

Sandra: So, tell me more about yourself; what brings you to America?

Jamie: I’m here for work; I’m a lawyer.

Sandra: Are there not enough cases in your country? Why would they have you here?

Jamie: *slightly annoyed* I choose to be on cases within other countries.

Sandra: Is this your first time in New York?

Jamie: No. I’ve had a case here before.

Sandra: *flirty* I love a foreign man that appreciates American culture!

Jamie awkwardly smiles and gets up to check the food. When he does, Sandra turns around and watches him.

Sandra: Are we having some of your country’s food tonight?

Jamie: *awkwardly laughs* No… lasagna.

Sandra doesn’t say anything; she looks disappointed. Jamie doesn’t say anything, he just serves the food to Sandra and himself. He sits back down and observes Sandra slowly eating the dinner.

Jamie: So, what do you do for work?

Sandra: I work as an accountant on Wall Street.

Jamie: *raises eyebrows* Wow, that’s great.

Sandra: I guess.

Jamie drops the topic and begins to eat the food. Sandra still eats the food slowly. Jamie notices, and gets nervous.

Sandra: Is this your recipe?

Jamie: *nervously* A friend of mine lent me their recipe…

Sandra: It’s definitely… different.

Jamie’s face flashes red. He tries to desperately change the subject.

Jamie: So, how do you know Shawn?

Sandra: We briefly went on a couple of dates.

Jamie swallows his drink too hard and coughs loudly. He places his drink down on the table and wipes his mouth with his napkin.

Jamie: Oh, I didn’t know that.

Sandra: It was nothing to remember, we would just go to some restaurants here and there.

Jamie doesn’t say anything, he just places his napkin on the table. Before he says anything, Sandra speaks.

Sandra: You seem like a nice guy, Jamie, but I really don’t think we are compatible.

Jamie doesn’t respond, he just listens to what she has to say.

Sandra: It was nice meeting you, though.

Jamie gets up from his seat as Sandra gets up from the table. She gathers her stuff and heads out the front door without saying goodbye to Jamie. Once the front door closes, Jamie takes in a deep breath and pushes his hair back. He looks into his apartment and slowly walks back to the table to begin cleaning up.

Before picking up anything, he goes for his phone. As he opens up his phone to message Shawn, he stumbles upon his messages with Grace. He opens the messages and reads the last message sent from her.

Grace: Call me when you can. Thanks.

Jamie closes the messages on his phone and places his phone on the counter. He takes a deep breath and starts to clean the kitchen. Nothing but the sound of the busy city is heard in his apartment.

Grace sits in the passenger’s seat of a car. She looks at the rear-view mirror and sees her daughter, Willow, sleeping in her car seat. She smiles at the sight. She looks over to the driver, Max, who is focused on the road. Grace takes in a deep breath and looks forward.

Grace: I could’ve took a cab to your place, Max. You didn’t have to make the trip.

Max: It’s nothing. Plus, Willow wanted to take a ride.

Grace smiles. She’s happy she’s still here, in Willow’s life, as she gets older. She may only be 3 years old, but she still feels accomplished that throughout everything that’s happened within the last couple of years, she’s still here, with Willow, and still being in her life.

Max: Are we going to your mother’s house for her birthday in January?

Grace: Yeah, she insisted the family be there; my dad bought her a camera and now she wants to take all of the pictures for the house.

Max: *laughs* That’s adorable.

Grace: *scoffs* Definitely annoying in my opinion.

Willow: Mommy!

Grace turns around and looks at her daughter.

Grace: Yes, little bean?

Willow: Santa got me a horsey for Christmas!

Grace: *confused* Oh… really?

Grace looks at Max to confirm what Willow is saying. Max mouths out that it was a rocking horse. Grace laughs silently.

Grace: That’s great, sweetie! You have to show me your horsey when we get home!

Grace looks down at her phone when she receives a message from her best friend, Ari.

Ari: Are you in upstate yet with your "boyfriend"?

Grace rolls her eyes at the message. Grace looks outside her car window and sees the once-grass-now-covered-in-snow fields pass by. Everything around them is white, wintery, cold. She thinks about how she got to this place. How did her and Max get on good terms after feeling like they could never be. She cares about him, and he’s the father of her daughter, but she never saw herself being in his car, driving up to his house outside of the city, to spend the day with him and their daughter.

…

They enter the house as Max places Willow down and she runs off.

Max: Willow, make sure to take your outside boots off!

Willow climbs up the stairs, clearly not listening to her father. Grace carries her overnight bag into the house and places it to the side next to the front door.

Max: Coffee?

Grace nods and looks around the house. She slowly walks to the kitchen as she observes the house.

She walks into the kitchen and sees Max at the kitchen counter making a pot of coffee. For a second, she thinks about how different life would be if she stayed. She would be married, living in a house outside of the city; no noise, no busy lifestyle. She would probably be a full-time mom that signed their kid to do all the extra activities in daycare and become a part of the PCA when Willow is old enough to go to public school. She wonders how much she would either love or hate having that life.

She snaps out of it when Max turns away from the counter and brings a coffee mug to the kitchen table. Grace walks towards the kitchen table to take a seat.

Grace: Thank you.

Max: Of course. Are you hungry?

Grace: No, no; I’m fine.

Max sits across from Grace at the kitchen table.

Grace: So you’re gonna leave your Christmas tree up all year round this year?

Max: *laughs* Willow insisted we keep it up for another week. She likes the lights, I might get her some lights for her room or something.

Grace: *smiles* She’d love that for sure.

Willow: *from a distance* Daddy!

Max gets up from his seat, and Grace follows. They walk to the stairs to see Willow trying to bring down her rocking horse.

Max: Baby, don’t bring Simon down the stairs, me and mama will see him upstairs.

Willow: But I want him down there!

Max: *stern* Willow.

Max walks up the stairs to help Willow put back the rocking horse to her room. Willow causes a fuss and begins to cry. Grace looks at the top of the stairs, growing anxious as she watches her daughter throw a tantrum.

Max: Willow, Simon can’t go downstairs; he likes to be upstairs.

Grace begins to walk up the stairs to talk to Max.

Grace: Maybe we should just bring him downstairs for the time being.

Max: No. We’re not gonna teach her that the way to get her way is to throw a tantrum.

Grace: But it’s–

Max: No, Grace.

Max picks up Willow and she takes her in her room to talk to her. Grace’s face flushes red. She turns around to walk back down the stairs. When no one is looking, she looks up at the ceiling and tries to fight back tears. She walks back into the kitchen and sits back down at the table. Her coffee is now lukewarm. She shoves the coffee away and takes her phone out. She scrolls through her photos and comes across the pictures she had of when Willow was a baby. Sometimes, Grace wonders just how did she get to this point; even though she was in Willow’s life as a baby, the older she gets, the more she feels like she doesn’t know her own daughter.

Within her scrolling, she comes across a photo with Jamie. She stops at the photo, staring at it longer than she intended to. She jumps when Max walks into the kitchen.

Max: Sorry, she had to be put down for a nap. She gets fussy when she’s tired.

Grace: I bet.

Nothing more is said, they just both sit in the kitchen. Max scrolls on his phone as Grace sits there watching him.

She doesn’t want this lifestyle.

For once, I feel like a foreigner in this city.

I’m able to give directions like I’ve lived here my entire life. I’m able to go to the good spots in the city to grab lunch or something. I used to have a favorite spot in the city. To be quite honest, I haven’t been back since I got back to America.

I thought the city is forever changing. I thought things disappear and reappear as something new every other month. But, to my surprise, some of the things that were here before are still here, surviving like it doesn’t hold some of the most painful memories this city has on me.

“Hyung!” I turned around to see Shawn and Kevin walking out of the building our law firm is using for this new case. I was tired of the travels, to be honest. To know that I can sit in my apartment in Incheon one night, and then fly across the world to live in a NYC apartment for a couple of months was starting to wear me out. I was turning 30 in April, and this back and forth for the job isn’t something I enjoy doing anymore. Besides this case, there’s really no reason for me to be here.

“Mwo?” I responded.

“Lunch is on Kevin; wanna join?” Shawn said. Kevin hits Shawn’s arm, clearly not aware he was paying today. I laughed; if there’s anything I’m happy about is that the firm put Shawn and Kevin on this case with me. Some sort of distraction while I’m here.

“Sure, you have a place in mind?” I questioned. They both looked clueless. I couldn’t help but laugh; in the year that I did live in America, Shawn and Kevin came to visit for the holidays. I was surprised they were able to get back to their hotel in one piece after the nights we would go out for dinner and drinks. Those were the good times.

“How about the cafe? They used to serve a lot of good food there,” Kevin insisted. I looked at Kevin intently; it felt like he was up to something.

“You guys should want to try other food that isn’t the cafe,” I protested.

“Listen, their bagel sandwiches are some of the best things I’ve ever had. I don’t know what’s in their bread, but it’s too good to pass,” Kevin explained. He then smirked. Kevin…

“Plus, I’m paying, so it’s my choice of where we’re going,” Kevin declared. Clearly, I wasn’t happy. I didn’t want to go to the cafe. I didn’t want to walk in there and be reminded of my past. The smells, the atmosphere; it’s just something I didn’t feel like reliving.

“Let’s go then, I’m freezing,” Shawn said as he zipped up his coat up to his neck. There wasn’t that much snow on the ground, but it was cold enough for that snow to stay longer than it should. Was it always this cold in NYC?

…

“Oh, hyung,” Kevin started. “They wanted me to had you over the case folder.” I looked at the literal novel in Kevin’s hands. Aigoo.

“Is that all?” I said, sarcastically. Kevin deadpanned as I smiled to my own joke.

“So, Shawn wants a hot chocolate, and I want that bagel sandwich,” Kevin listed.

“Are you not going to order?” I asked.

“Well…” Kevin dragged. Kevin, a man in his late 20’s, would still feel incredibly shy making orders for himself. He didn’t do it in Korea, so what made me think he would do it in a country where he doesn’t fully speak the preferred language?

“I’ll order for us,” I finally gave in. Kevin smiled and handed over his wallet to me. He walked out of the line and left me there. The line was longer than usual today.

…

There were about 2 people in the entire cafe this morning. We walked into it, assuming they had just opened for the day or something. She sat at our usual table as I ordered our usual; a cappuccino with a shot of expresso for me; an iced Americano for her.

I walked back to our table and placed the drinks down first before placing the brown bag on the table. She looked up at me as I sat down across from her.

“Cookies,” I said. “I know you were going to ask for them. She smiled. I liked knowing that our routine was like this on most days; simple.

“Thanks,” she said. She’s been under the weather lately, and I hate to see her so miserable. I was hoping that some cookies would help cheer her up. I made a goofy smile which made her laugh. She was so simple to make feel better, which I was happy about. My phone vibrated in my pocket, so I decided to check it when Grace was eating her cookies. It was an voicemail from the South Korea Embassy. I put my phone in my pocket and put my attention back onto her. Jagiya. Grace.

“So, I was thinking,” I started off. Grace looked up from her cookie to listen to me speak. “Maybe we can go for a mini vacation sometime soon. You, me, Little Bean,” I was a little nervous to throw something so random like this out there. Grace raised her eyebrows, visibly shocked.

“You want to go away with both me and Willow?” Grace asked.

“Yeah,” I didn’t hesitate to answer. I wanted to show Grace that I was here, with her, and if everything goes as planned, I’ll–

“That’s very sweet of you, Jamie, but–” Grace started to say. “I just don’t feel right taking Willow away from Max with…” She couldn’t finish the sentence. She didn’t have to.

I nodded my head and let it go. I didn’t want to stress Grace out more than she has been lately. She already looked like she wanted to apologize, so instead I just smiled. I didn’t want to her to worry she had said or done the wrong thing.

I didn’t realize my papers had fallen on the floor until I felt the impact of a person rushing by me. I quickly bent down to the ground to gather them up. Whoever this was was in a hurry.

“Omg, I’m so sorry!” the person said. I stopped picking up the papers and looked back. The front door to the cafe was swung open. Shawn and Kevin came by to help pick up the rest of the file from the cafe floor.

I just froze. It was like my body didn’t know how to react, or to react at all. Maybe I’m just imagining things. Maybe I’m just so in my own head that I didn’t realize I was just imagining things. It wasn’t long until Shawn and Kevin looked up at me and snapped their fingers in front of my face. I blinked, now focused on them.

“Are you alright, hyung?” Kevin immediately asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I looked back down to the ground and picked up the remaining papers from the file. We all got back up from the floor and Shawn followed Kevin back to the table where they were. I immediately turned around when I heard the barista call for the next person. Maybe it was just in my head, Maybe it was just something from my past that I need to forget.

“Grace, Order #416!”

I went up to the counter to pick up my order of coffee. The barista smiled at me and wished me a Happy New Year. I smiled and left the counter.

I plopped myself on one of the sofas in the cafe and placed my coffee on the table. Taking out my phone out of my pocket, I see I have a missing call from Ari. Fuck, lemme call this bitch back.

“About time you call me back, bitch,” Ari playfully teased as she picked up the phone. I rolled my eyes. Ain’t nothing change with her.

“Sorry, you know I need my coffee fix in the morning,” I answered.

“Yeah, yeah; ain’t nothing new,” Ari responded. Ari and I’s friendship has definitely been tested within the last year. Ari has been promoted to an attorney, so she’s been more so in the courtroom rather than being at the firm. In some sort of way, I felt like Ari had the best of both worlds; she was able to keep her work and personal life separate from each other. She was able to clock out, leave work, and go home to Dean.

“You’re off work today?” Ari asked.

“Yep. I had some of the choreographers teaching the dancers today; I needed a day to just breathe.” I answered. The dance studio has been the one consistent thing in my life. I would go in, teach my dancers routines for competitions and recitals, stay there way longer than I need to be, and then do it all again the following day. I guess it was just a good way to pass the time; to keep myself busy during the days.

“Okay! So whatcha gonna do on your day off?” Ari excitedly asked. It’s crazy to think that conversations like this one were the reason why we had a rocky year of friendship.

“Max is coming down with Willow, so I was going to meet them and spend the day with them,” I answered. Ari didn’t say anything, but I knew exactly what she thought. “No, Ari; Max and I are not seeing each other for the hundredth time.”

“Whatever, you guys spend time like you are,” Ari scoffed. I rolled my eyes and sipped my coffee as I placed it back on the table. “Besides, what kind of love story would it be if mom and dad didn’t get back together?”

“Bye, Ari; go and spend some time with your man,” I playfully said and hung up the phone.

It’s raining heavy this particular Spring day. I ran to the front door of the apartment building after getting out of the cab. Drenched hair, clothes, everything. I didn’t really care at that point; maybe the rain would cover up my puffy eyes and I can just blame it on the seasonal allergies or something. I rang a doorbell in which then the person buzzed me in. Walking up the stairs to the apartment, I already see the front door opened. I can’t help but think this is it. This is the day I lose my best friend.

I entered Ari’s apartment and close her door. I politely place my drenched coat and purse near her door, avoiding getting anything wet. She looks at me with crossed arms. Why does this feel worse than being scolded by my own mother?

“You had an umbrella; what happened?” Ari asked.

“The rain is… coming down really hard.” I softly said. Ari doesn’t say anything back, she just walks to one of the closet doors and pulls out some clothes.

“You’re not sitting on my furniture with your wet ass clothes,” Ari stated as she handed me the clothes. I took them and went to the bathroom to change. I didn’t want to say anything to upset Ari.

…

“So, you’re gonna tell me what happened?” Ari nonchalantly asked.

“About what?”

“Stop playing stupid with me, Grace.” Ari spat. She didn’t like to be questioned about the obvious things.

“I honestly don’t have to tell you anything,” I answered, annoyed at Ari’s entitlement. I love Ari, but she sometimes thinks she’s my mother, not my best friend.

“Oh, so you’re just not gonna tell me what’s going on? I’m supposed to be your best friend; we tell each other everything. Now that doesn’t apply to one of the most important things happening in your life?” Ari agrued.

“I don’t want to fucking talk about it, Ari,” I answered back, now angry. Ari didn’t understand that this wasn’t just something that I would get over after a talk. I was tired of having to explain myself again and again to Ari. “You know what? I’m sick and tired of you treating me like I’m your daughter or something,” I began. Ari look appalled.

“Maybe if you stop acting like you’re 19, maybe then I don’t need to worry about you like you were a child,” Ari responded back.

“Be my fucking friend, Ari! Why do I always have to report on the minor things that happen in my life?! Why can’t a simple ‘I don’t wanna talk about’ be enough for you?”

“Because aborting a child isn’t a fucking minor thing, Grace!” Ari yelled out. I cried. My eyes couldn’t stop; no matter how many times I wiped my eyes, the tears would just keep coming down.

“It was my fucking choice! So stop making me feel like it wasn’t!” I yelled back. My throat hurt when I yelled. It must’ve been loud by the way Dean came out of the other room to check on us. Ari got up from the sofa and went into her room, passing Dean.

“I-I hate to say this, Grace,” Dean started. I got up and grabbed my umbrella and purse. I didn’t even care if my clothes were still in Ari’s dryer. I just wanted to leave her place and never come back.

The alarm on my phone went off and realized that I was going to be late meeting Max and Willow. I grabbed my coffee and tossed it into the trash and went towards the exit. I bumped into a gentleman with a ton of papers in his hand. Fuck, I should help him pick it up. Before I went to bend down and help the guy get his papers, my cellphone rings. I quickly apologized to the man and walked right out of the door, answering Max’s call.