Category: Topic Tuesdays

Topic Tuesdays: Random

Things I Wish I Knew Before Graduating College & Grad School.

liz

Dear guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Where did this month go? It feels like I was just singing “It’s gonna be May!” and now we are 10 days away from June! With that being said, I know many of you college seniors and grad-school seniors are happy for your day of graduation to finally arrive! Personally, I know my old classmates from my own grad school years are finally ready to get the hell out of school and not have to read another book or write another paper for the rest of their life! (Of course, if you’re not going into academics…)

It’s still surreal that it has almost been a year since I graduated with my Master’s degree and THREE (yes, you saw that right) years since I graduated college with my bachelor’s degree. Little ole me did not know that before 2020, I’d be a woman with two degrees. Maybe in the distant future, I’ll go for my Ph.D., but as of right now I’m just trying to discover what it means to be “Liz: the human being” versus “Liz: the student writer”.

Being the first in my immediate family to graduate both college and grad school, I didn’t really have the guidance through my studies, and a lot of the times I was forced to learn things on my own. Some of those times, I’d be a little too late, but coming out of it now, I wouldn’t change my experience for the world…

Except for a couple of things…

For example:

  1. I wish I had some guidance when it came to my grad-school application progress. Back in high-school, we had a great guidance counselor that guided us through the process of applying to colleges, even to the point where he would sit with us on his office computer applying to colleges with us. It was definitely a lot smoother to transition to college than it was for grad-school, and I hope that more CUNY schools start helping out those who wish to seek higher education. Because of the lack of guidance, I didn’t have much time, nor options, when it came to grad school.
  2. I wish that there was a class (especially within my college) that focused in on resume building and writing. I know that my former thesis advisor (who came to the college when I was in my junior/senior year of college) started to teach a class dedicated to business writing for undergrads, but I just wish that there was a way where soon-to-be college grads were able to feel more secure with their futures. Maybe, just maybe, then a lot of people who weren’t ready for grad school would’ve waited to get their Master’s instead of forcing to get one just so that they had more time to think what they wanted to do with their lives.
  3. Particularly in grad school, I wish I knew that it was okay to take a break when you started to feel burned out. Every semester for two years, I wrote 25-40 pages of papers as my two finals for the two classes I would take, and I thought that I absolutely had to write and write and write until I had my desired amount of pages done. I wish I knew that whatever amount of work I put in that day was enough and that I was able to pick up again the next day, because – let’s be honest here – working on a final paper for 12 hours straight is exhausting, and very unhealthy.
  4. I wish I knew what I was getting myself into when it came to grad school. Again, I felt like I wasn’t mentally prepared for the amount of work that grad school provided (I mean, I had a group presentation assigned to me the first day of grad school and it had to be done by the following class). Because I felt like I was just thrown into the chaos that was grad school, my mental health was definitely affected by it, and a lot of my anxiety developed throughout the two years in grad school. Maybe this was just a “me” thing, but when talking to my fellow students when I was one and then the students as a TA, many of them expressed the same transition from college to grad school being rushed and feeling unprepared.
  5. Lastly, I wish that I knew that grad school, or any type of degree honestly, doesn’t guarantee you a career, nor a job. Being a slightly above average student in both college and grad school, I focused on my studies rather than getting a part-time job and juggle school at the same time. Did it affect the way employers now see me and my resume? Possibly, but I always had this thought that a Master’s degree was going to secure me a position that I was working towards, yet here we are – a year into the whole job hunting process. 

At the end of the day, I am still very grateful for the time I spent in college and grad school and to have met the people who I consider my friends/professional friends now! My experience is unique to me, and I’ll always be proud of the hard work and dedication I put in for 6 straight years without a break.

So, to the Class of 2019, both college and grad-school grads – I applaud you for making it this far. Celebrate your victory, celebrate your future, and celebrate you. I wish I did when I was in your shoes. 

new end

Topic Tuesdays: Music

Music Favorites: KPop Rookies Edition!

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters from Liz!

So, two weeks ago, I published part one of this KPop music favorites thing showing you some of my favorite “veteran” KPop girl groups. Since KPop as a genre is practically exploding, many new groups are debuting, and some of them I instantly fell in love with!

So, since we all know how long the other letter was, let’s get straight to it!

IZ*ONE:

Image result for izone

Like I mentioned in my last post, I was highly invested in the popular survival competition show, Produce 48. In a nutshell, this season of the show introduced Japanese girls under AKB48, a wildly popular Japanese with dozens of girls, with Korean trainees in hopes to form and debut a global girl group. With nationwide voting, the top 12 trainees formed IZ*ONE, a temporary girl group that debuted in October 2018 with their first mini-album, Color*IZ, and will be promoting for 2 and a half years. The 12 members (in rank order from the show), are Wonyoung, Sakura, Yuri, Yena, Yujin, Nako, Eunbi, Hyewon, Hitomi, Chaewon, Minju, and Chaeyeon. I really do hate that after their contract is over, they all go their separate ways. These 12 girls work so well as a group and really have the potential to be as big as other veteran girl groups.

Personal Favorites:

  • Bias: While watching the show, it was really hard to decide who I liked the most. There was another trainee who I wished had the opportunity to debut because she had such an AMAZING voice, but when she didn’t, Yuri and Yena were easily my favorites. Yuri (which as also on “Idol School”; the show that formed fromis_9) has crazy vocals. I’m actually glad she didn’t debut until now under IZ*ONE because she’s now main fuckin’ vocalist Yuri, and she’s honestly my favorite main vocalist in any girl group I like. Yena also has some amazing vocals, but her rapping? Lit. Plus, she was so funny on Produce 48, so I’m really glad that she got the opportunity to debut. Both of them actually!
  • Bias Wrecker: I don’t really know! If I had to pick a third favorite, I think I’d have to pick Chaewon. She’s such an underdog in the group, but she has some of the best vocals in the group as well. On the show, she wasn’t showcased as much as the other groups who debuted in IZ*ONE, but she quickly won the hearts of viewers, and I believe her vocals for “Into The New World” proved her spot. Also Nako.
  • Favorite Comeback/Album: Since they are more of a rookie group, they don’t have a wide range of discography. With that being said, their recent comeback title track has been in my head every day since it came out. The concept for this comeback, “Violeta“, fits them so well as a group!

Cherry Bullet:

Image result for cherry bullet

Cherry Bullet is a rookie girl group that debuted in January 2019 under FNC Entertainment. I first heard news of their debut when YouTube recommended me their cover of Girls’ Generation’s “Into The New World”. It was sung live, as they danced, which impressed a lot of viewers for their abilities to do both. Also, I quickly realized that Haeyoon, a contestant on Produce 48, was now set to debut in this group, which I was happy for! She was best known for her vocals on the show, and ultimately ranked #19 at the end, which isn’t bad! I’m just glad that her company saw her potential for debut and decided to do so. Cherry Bullet consists of 10 members; in age order, they are Haeyoon, Yuju, Mirae, Bora, Jiwon, Kokoro, Remi, Chaerin, Linlin, and May.

Personal Favorites:

  • Bias: I haven’t seen much of the group since their debut, meaning I haven’t seen them on variety shows or anything since they debuted, so I don’t really have one. The only member I know is Haeyoon due to Produce 48. Once they have more comebacks as a group and promote more maybe then it will change!
  • Bias Wrecker: Out of all of them, I really am starting to like Chaerin a lot more because she has some amazing stage presence. Plus, I think she’s so pretty! Again, I hope when they have another comeback, I’m able to get to know them as a group more!
  • Thoughts on their Debut: Their video game concept for the group is so cute and fitting to their image and group, so I hope they can incorporate that into most of their comebacks! The song at first wasn’t that catchy to me, but the chorus was what made me listen to it more. The more I played it, the more I liked it! Their debut title track is called “Q&A“.

ITZY:

Image result for ITZY

I was excited to hear that JYP Entertainment was debuting their first girl group since debuting TWICE because, let’s be honest: TWICE is so widely popular, we all wondered how the new girl group would live to those expectations. When their reveal video came out, we were all shocked when it revealed that ITZY was a girl-crush concept group, which TWICE isn’t. This even further the excitement to see what this girl group would be like, and man: I wasn’t disappointed! In age order, ITZY consists of 5 members: Yeji, Lia, Ryujin, Chaeryeong, and Yuna. Many people were happy to see Chaeryeong in the lineup for this girl group; she (as well as her sister, IZ*ONE’s Chaeyeon) was on the show that created and formed TWICE as a group in 2015. I’m very happy that both of them finally got to debut because they are both crazy talented: Chaeyeon’s vocals, Chaeryeong’s rapping, and both of their dance skills.

Personal Favorites:

  • Bias: Choosing one for this group is extremely hard, mainly because they are all so unique in their own way, and honestly I never had a girl group where I liked all of them just as much as the next. If I had to pick, though, I think it would be Ryujin. She’s such a badass looking girl, and she totally fits ITZY’s concept the best (I mean, she’s the center for a reason!) Although her talents weren’t showcased as much as I would’ve liked in their debut, her aura, and stage presence is just out of this world. I hope to hear her rapping skills more in their next comeback!
  • Bias Wrecker: I think if your bias isn’t Yeji from the start, then she’s going to be your wrecker. Yeji is so fucking talented; she really was JYP’s secret weapon. She’s a great dancer, great vocals, and could rap. She also makes a great leader for the group! Many people were blown away by her in their debut since she had most of the lines in their debut song, “DALLA DALLA“.
  • Thoughts on their Debut: Many people didn’t like the debut song (or expected something completely different), but the song was instantly catchy to me! The concepts and visuals were nice, and I believe all the girls fit the concept well! Their B-side track, “WANT IT?” is something so different than anything I heard considered KPop.

EVERGLOW:

Image result for everglow kpop

Everglow is a 6-member girl group that debuted in March 2019 under Yuehua Entertainment. This is the same company that IZ*ONE’s Yena was a trainee under, and represented them during her season of Produce 48. Along with Yena, two other trainees also participated in the show, Sihyeon and Yiren. Both trainers made it quite far until their eliminations within the final rounds before debuting IZ*ONE. Because I knew these two trainees during Produce 48, I was interested to see just how they were in this new group, Everglow. At first listen, the song doesn’t sound that great, but it gets addictive quite easily! After watching some of their music show performances, I started to really enjoy their song, concept, and style!

Personal Favorites:

  • Bias: Although they are a fairly new group without any variety show appearances just yet, I could tell that my bias is definitely E:U. She’s the member that sticks out the most to me; with her platinum blonde hair and her more foreign features, she’s not that hard to miss. She’s considered the main rapper of the group even though she didn’t rap that much in this debut, so I hope she gets her time to shine when they decide to comeback in a couple of months!
  • Bias Wrecker: Although I don’t think this member will ever “wreck” my bias, I do really like Mia a lot as well. She’s the main vocalist in the group, so she sang for most of the time in their debut track. But! When you watch her performances, she definitely has undeniable stage presence, and it’s definitely something that I believe many of her fans enjoy. Also, her pastel purple hair was everything in this debut.
  • Thoughts on their Debut: One thing I’m starting to see within the Kpop industry is that a lot of these newer girl groups are starting out having the same concept, which is “girl crush”. Maybe that’s the trendy concept nowadays, but Everglow’s debut was another girl crush concept in 2019. Maybe Yuehua Entertainment has a reputation of being more girl crush-like, but the concept overall suited the girls well. I wonder if this is going to be their signature concept, or they wanted to start off with a bang, but either way, I like them & I hope they do comeback in a few months!

And that’s pretty much in! I hope all you Kpop lovers give these girls a chance as they are just beginning their journeys as idols and are finally living their dream of debuting!img_8205-edited-e1556388838799 - Edited

Topic Tuesdays: Raw & Personal

One Year Later: A Reflection.

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters from Liz.

It’s kind of crazy to sit here and reflect on where I was and what my life was like this time last year. I strongly remember winding down on my final semester as a grad student, wrapping up my thesis writing process, and being immensely anxious to the point of no return basically. I wasn’t excited for the future, not even graduating in May and being done with the one thing that caused me a lot of sadness and anxiety. I was worried about everything that was coming, and I remember not being able to handle it anymore. So, one day last April, I decided to seek therapy. 

Starting therapy was a major step in the process of getting myself back together. Not only was I trying to just get some professional guidance about finding a job after grad school and learning how to be an adult in life, but it required me to dig even deeper than that, and talk (and relive) some parts of myself that were so deep-rooted, I forgot they existed. Still, I went to my weekly therapy session every Tuesday, which then switched to every Wednesday, and to this day, I am beyond grateful for taking that step towards therapy.

If you’re skeptical about going to therapy on your own, I know how you feel. You feel like you’re so fucked up in the head that now you need a professional to help “cure” you or you feel like seeking therapy is considered a sign of weakness. I know how difficult it is to seek out therapy; for pride’s sake, for hereditary sake, or masculinity sake. It’s extremely hard to swallow your ego and pride and call out for help, but believe me when I say that therapy helps you organize and discuss things in a way that no other individual in your life is going to speak to you about these things. Don’t always assume that your experience with therapy is going to be like everyone else’s, hell, even like mine, but you will never know how it will be if you don’t at least try it out. Sure, therapy isn’t for everyone, but you will never know what type of help you may need if you don’t seek out options for it.

A lot of the anxiety issues I came into therapy with are now things that I’ve overcome. Last year, I had a really bad case of travel anxiety, to the point where I became too afraid to leave the house because I was afraid bac things were going to happen to me. Now? I mean, I don’t travel as late as I did when I was in grad school, but I’m not afraid to get on trains anymore and travel to places even during the day. Of course, with an anxiety disorder, it’s never going to be a “one and done” type of thing; there’s always going to be something that I’m anxious about and that I’m fighting against. But, I’m working through them.

Screenshot 2019-03-22 at 10.32.18 PM - Edited

Therapy, in the simplest way possible, has forced me to come face-to-face with things about myself and my life that I never knew still affected me to this day. It has also given me a platform to discuss some of the darkest things in my life to someone whose job is to help me decipher it and help me understand what may be happening. It’s allowed me to carry important mantras in life, like learning to be more assertive and being able to stop seeking approval from others.

To be honest, I really don’t know where I’d be today if I didn’t seek out therapy a year ago. I only have an idea on how life would’ve been like for me: me being extremely happy, extremely anxious, and probably feeling immensely stuck in life and unmotivated. I’d also be engaging in very unhealthy coping mechanisms like hiding my feelings, my emotions, and just being very passive towards everything and everyone in my life. Knowing where I was heading, I would’ve been suicidal for a much longer time, feeling like a burden to everyone in my life and having no one to talk to about these issues without feeling shameful or judged about it.

A year later, and I’m still actively trying to improve myself and be a better person for myself. There’s always something to talk about and work through, there’s always going to be something that I realize about myself that I’ve kept to myself for decades, and there’s always going to be a way to get through the tough times in the most healthy way possible.

I am immensely grateful for my therapist, Cathy, who has been helping me for the last year through some of the hardest and most difficult things in my life. She has been extremely patient and willing to get to know me as a person, and she quickly became such an essential part of my weeks, as well as my life. Although she’s on maternity leave for a couple of months and I’m slowly transitioning to seeing my temp, Andrea, I am still very grateful that these women are available for me to speak my mind, and allow me the platform to finally feel heard.

I’m able to grow into the woman I’m supposed to be with the help of therapy.

end note

Topic Tuesdays: Music

Music Favorites: KPop Edition!

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters from Liz!

One thing you should know about me is that I’m a music lover. I love listening to music, singing music, and pretty much just enjoy myself with my favorite tunes. What you may not know about me is that within the last month, I’ve been really into KPop, also known as Korean Pop. As mentioned in a couple of my past music related posts, I shared the story on how I first got introduced to KPop: being in the laundromat with my mother watching the music videos of TWICE’s “Knock Knock” and “Signal“.

Since then, I started to become more interested in the KPop music world. I began to expand my horizons with other girl groups (boy groups aren’t really my thing) and South Korean competition shows (of course with English subtitles). As the year went on, I started to find myself being more excited for KPop comebacks than the American artists I normally would listen to. A year later, I’m officially KPop trash.

So, if you’re into KPop, then maybe we have some similar favorites and biases! If you aren’t a fan, well maybe you could give it a try and listen to some of these girl groups and see if you like it!

First and foremost, we’ll start with the first KPop girl group I ever listened to:

TWICE:

Image result for twice

TWICE is a South Korean girl group under JYP Entertainment. They debuted on October 20th, 2015 after the wildly successful survival competition show, Sixteen, which put the group together at the end. In age order, the members are Nayeon, Jeongyeon, Momo, Sana, Jihyo, Mina, Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu. Since their debut, they have released quite a few albums both in Korean and in Japan (which they debuted in during the Spring of 2017). As of today, they have 6 mini albums, 4 special repackaged albums, 1 full-length Korean album, 1 full-length Japanese album, 2 complication Japanese albums, and 3 Japanese single releases (excluding “BDZ“, which was promoted for their full-length album). They are notably the biggest girl group currently in Asia, and it truly shows through their fandom, ONCEs.

Personal Favorites:

  • Bias: Jeongyeon. When I first got into TWICE, my bias changed a lot while I was getting to know them as artists and “idols” on variety shows. When I started to listen to more of their B-sides on their albums, I’ve realized that Jeongyeon can sing her motherfuckin’ ass off. Her position in the group is Lead Vocalist, which in other terms is more so a lead singer. With Nayeon as Lead Vocalist and Center and Jihyo as the Main Vocalist means that sometimes Jeongyeon is the one that doesn’t get that much recognition on the title tracks, but in all honesty… Jeongyeon is the best singer out of all of them. I’m happy in their more recent comebacks, she’s been getting more lines and opportunities to shine, so hopefully, we do get to see more of Jeongyeon’s killer voice.
  • Bias Wrecker: Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung is seriously the only member in the group that’s all around a good performer. She’s the Main Rapper of the group, and she’s damn good at it when she’s given the opportunity to show her skills on tracks. She also is the Twice member that writes a lot of the B-sides of their albums (along with Jihyo). She also can sing and dance really well, but the thing that makes Chaeyoung a lot of people’s bias wreckers is that she’s versatile with the many concepts in KPop. Out of all of the members, she’s the one that could pull off the girl crush concept very well, as well do well in TWICE’s more girly, cutesy concepts.
  • Favorite Comeback/Album: TWICE’s 5th Mini Album, What is Love? was literally their best comeback and mini album in my opinion. The whole concept of What is Love? was so cute and colorful, and most of the songs were really good! All of their albums are pretty good, but this album was definitely the one that all of the songs were equally as good as the title track.

Blackpink:

Image result for blackpink

If you haven’t heard of Blackpink, then you’ve been living under a rock because they just broke YouTube’s record of fastest views upon debut. In simpler words: they are a force to be reckoned with. Even with only a couple of digital mini albums and repackaged singles in Japan, they are pretty much the queens of the girl crush concept. Debuting in August 2016 under YG Entertainment, the Blackpink members consist of Jisoo, Jennie, Rose, and Lisa. Personally, their global success not only stems from South Korea, but the fact that most of these girls are from different countries around the world. With Jisoo born and raised in South Korea, Jennie studied in New Zealand for five years, Rose lived in Australia before moving to South Korea, and Lisa was born in Thailand. Their success also stems from the fact that it breaks the boundaries that girl groups are known for in KPop. These aren’t “cute girls”; they don’t make cutesy concepts because it doesn’t fit their style. Many foreigners who see KPop as being just cutesy and girly are surprised when they hear four girls singing in westernized-styled music in Korean.

Personal Favorites:

  • Bias: I don’t really have a bias in this group because there are already so little girls in the group. At first, I really did like Jennie because her rapping skills in “Boombayah” is crazy. Of course, after I got to listen to the girls more and see on shows and such, I really did fall in love with all of them equally.
  • Bias Wrecker: Although I don’t have a bias, I sometimes feel like Jisoo makes me get a bias. She has such a unique voice and she has such an amazing personality on variety shows. She’s also kinda considered as the underdog in the group at times because when they first debuted, there were areas in her performances that needed more improvement than the other girls. Now? She’s fierce and strong!
  • Favorite Comeback/Album: Although I didn’t listen to their music before their DDU-DU-DDU-DU comeback back in June 2018, I think my favorite comeback of theirs was As If It’s Your Last. The song showcased a lot of different styles of music, and it also showed more of their girlier side? I don’t know, to me, it showcased a lot of their abilities and a wide range of vocals (and raps).

Fromis_9:

Image result for fromis_9

Fromis_9 is a relevantly a newer group in KPop, and it wasn’t until their recent comeback that I started to really like them as a group. Fromis, which is the Korean translation of “promise”, but also the group name means “from is”, which also means “From Idol School”, another survival competition show that formed the group together. The group debuted in January 2018 with their first mini-album entitled, To. Heart and they are represented by Stone Music Entertainment. The members consist of Saerom, Hayoung, Gyuri, Jiwon, Jisun, Seoyeon, Chaeyoung, Nagyoung, and Jiheon. I first heard of the group when I was watching Sixteen and participant, Jiwon, was also in the running to debut in TWICE. When she was eliminated from the show, I did hope that she would debut in a group one day because she had a really unique voice from other Korean singers. Also, Gyuri participated in the popular survival competition show, Produce 48. The biggest surprise to the other 96 participants was that she had already debuted in a group yet she was participating in a show for trainees who’ve yet to debut. Although Gyuri didn’t go on to win a spot in Produce 48‘s temporary girl group, she did go back to Fromis_9 and is still a permanent member under them.

Personal Favorites:

  • Bias: Gyuri. While on Produce 48, she had a really good personality, and she had a pretty, strong voice! She also has a contagious personality, which I wish she carried out more of that while being in Fromis_9!
  • Bias Wrecker: This is kind of hard because I feel like the more I watch their performances and variety show appearances, it changes. Recently, I think Chaeyoung is my bias wrecker because she is the ultimate clown in Fromis_9. Plus, her look for their latest comeback was so bomb; it just made her stand out from the others a bit more.
  • Favorite Comeback/Album: Although I tried to listen to their older discography from earlier in the year, “Love Bomb” still remains superior. The song is catchy, the concept was cute and colorful, and I believe they are heading in the right direction with their group! I hope that same energy stays within the group, and I hope the group lasts long; there are so many different groups now and the competition is intense. So, I hope they do big things!

Girls’ Generation:

Image result for girls generation ot9

Such an old photo of them, but hear me out. Again, if you never heard of this girl group, then you’ve really been living under a rock. Girls’ Generation debuted in August 2007 under SM Entertainment. Their debut was monumental in KPop history because, at the time, girl groups weren’t popular at the time. Their debut title track, “Into The New World”, took KPop fans by surprise when these girls sang in unison, live, and danced some hard choreography. They quickly began to get success in South Korea, and by 2009, their hit single, “Gee”, became a worldwide hit. The original nine members in the group were Taeyeon, Jessica, Sunny, Tiffany, Hyoyeon, Yuri, Sooyoung, Yoona, and Seohyun. In 2014, Jessica both left SM Entertainment and the group, which left the 8 members to make new music, which also did pretty well. Their last comeback as an eight-member group was in August 2017, which celebrated their 10 year Anniversary. By the end of 2017, Tiffany, Sooyoung, and Seohyun left SM Entertainment to pursue solo endeavors and in 2018, the subunit Girls’ Generation-Oh!GG (which consists of Taeyeon, Sunny, Hyoyeon, Yuri, and Yoona) debuted with their single, “Lil Touch”. As of 2018, Girls’ Generation has released… a lot of albums: fulls, minis, Japanese releases; a lot.

Personal Favorites:

  • Bias: Although I actually like all of the women equally in all honesty, I think I like Tiffany the most because of her story. She was born in California and auditioned for SM Entertainment in the U.S, which then scouted her to South Korea at 15 to be a part of this girl group. Although she is Korean-American, she had to learn the language, the culture, all while being under the spotlight in a highly anticipated girl group. She also just has a very contagious sweet personality, and she can sing her ass off. As of now, Tiffany is a solo artist in the United States, and she just released her first EP, Lips on Lips. 
  • Bias Wrecker: Sooyoung. Sooyoung is the clown in the group and has the personality for acting and variety shows. She does a lot more acting nowadays, but while in the group, she made almost every MC laugh out loud for her jokes and snarky yet playful remarks. I also believe she’s just so pretty; her concept for their Holiday Night album was so cute! Sooyoung with short hair and a tan is a mood.
  • Favorite Comeback/Album: Although I haven’t personally listened to every album they released, my favorite comeback was in 2013, all nine members, with the song “I Got A Boy“. That song tried something different for the first time in KPop, and even though at the time it was weird and unheard of, it’s now a style that many girl groups in this generation adapted either for their own title tracks or b-sides. It was also showcased a more mature version of the girls; most of the group were in their mid-20’s at the time, and as the grew, their music did. To me, this comeback pretty much proved that these girls could fit any concept and it was always natural for them to adapt to the many concepts they tried out in their run. They are iconic for a reason!

 

That’s it for now! In a couple of weeks, I’ll be back to talk about some of my favorite rookie groups at the moment, so stay tuned for that!

end note

 

Topic Tuesdays: Raw & Personal

Mental Health Advocacy is NOT Your “Clout” Opportunity.

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Before we move on to the context of this week’s letter, I want to remind you guys on some of my background regarding mental health: I am not a licensed psychologist, I am simply a person that deals with Social Anxiety Disorder & Major Depression and uses my platform to help decrease the stigma that mental health carries. I am in no means making any money off of the posts I write on WordPress, and I simply write about my experiences for the sake of sharing my story in hopes of helping others.

Without further ado, let’s talk about how YouTuber The Rewired Soul is a prime example of a person that uses mental health advocacy as an opportunity to gain “clout.”

Lemme explain…

Continue reading “Mental Health Advocacy is NOT Your “Clout” Opportunity.” →

Topic Tuesdays: Raw & Personal

Discussing “Trauma Secrets”.

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters from Liz.

Before we go forward with today’s letter, I should put a disclaimer: this letter, in particular, can be triggering and/or uncomfortable for some readers who are sensitive to the topics discussed in this post. If you feel like you can’t read on, then I advise you to skip out on this one and come back on Saturday for a new SAS post.

Without further ado, let’s get right into today’s letter.

summer2014.jpg

Continue reading “Discussing “Trauma Secrets”.” →

Topic Tuesdays: Random

I Went To A Party: A Victory Against SAD.

liz

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Something told me to accept this offer from my partner who has constantly invited me to various social gatherings such as this one. If there’s anything about my partner understanding my social anxiety, it’s that he tries to be as helpful as he can, and in some cases, that’s asking me out to go places, such as tonight.

Although my body wanted to say no and blame it on my SAD, I knew that I couldn’t say no to everything in this world. That’s not reasonable. Also, it’s not fun being the 25-year-old woman that doesn’t enjoy her twenties while they’re still here.

To be quite honest, I loved going to parties when I was younger, and when I mean younger, I mean birthday parties for my friends and all of the proms I attended whenever I was graduating and stuff. I always enjoyed the loud music playing, being on the dance floor with my friends and dancing whenever a good song came on and just having those excited butterflies in your stomach anticipating the actual party that’s coming. Then, all of that change when I was in my late teens. I became more closed in, to the point where I hated to go out to places with even the people I enjoyed being around. When I was 22, I even tried to break that old habit of never going to parties, but that totally ended in me experiencing one of the first (and many more to come) anxiety attacks. 

For a while, the people who knew me best just stopped invited me to go places, and even though it was because they already knew the answer that I was going to give them, it still hurt. Getting the invitation at least showed me that people still wanted to hang out with me, but when I didn’t, I just began to feel like a burden to everyone around me. Me not going out to places came with its consequences when I got into my twenties, and slowly but surely my friends kept leaving to go hang out with their other, more extroverted friends.

So when I got that message from my partner asking me if I wanted to go to a party just a couple of hours before it would happen, I said, “yes, I’ll go.”

Of course, the anxiety seeped in as soon as I committed to going:

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It was just a whirlwind of thoughts that didn’t stop until I had to take control of my mind and my body. For one, I had to tell myself that I’m going with a person that I trust enough to be there with me for most of the night. If anything were to happen like an anxiety attack, at least there was someone who knows me well enough to know when I need to go outside and take a breather. Secondly, I had to trust in the risk. Anxiety, for me at least, loves to believe that I just have this never-ending bad luck and if I go against my comfort zone or anything that I’m familiar with, things will go bad. Taking this risk meant that I was putting myself out there in a position for potentially bad (yet great) things. I also had to tell myself nobody is really in there paying any attention to you in the first place; people are there to have some fun and celebrate at a party! Nobody is in there secretly hating you, (and if they are, so what?) But for the most part, you’re not the center of attention, so relax. Lastly, I had to tell myself that I’m only young once in my life, and going out to enjoy myself isn’t a crime, but a good thing! The more fun I have and more times I take risks like this, the happier and more comfortable I’m going to get being in these types of atmospheres.

With everything in mind, I went to the party and had a really good time. A couple of beers, two nasty shots that both my partner and I wished we never had, dancing, and a Philly cheese steak with fries later, I ended the night really proud of myself.

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The success on how this night went isn’t even towards the fact that I didn’t have an anxiety attack during the party, it’s the fact that despite all of the anxious thoughts my mind and body were having, I still got up and went. Coping with SAD will always be something I’ll be working on, and for me to take this step forward to actually accept an invitation to a social gathering, it’s another step forward of me learning how to handle both my mental health and my life. This time last year, you wouldn’t catch me dead inside anyone’s damn social gathering yet alone a party for someone I didn’t know personally. And that’s why it’s such a victory for me: I got to be in control for one night, while my social anxiety was forced to go with the flow and let me take back that control.

So, yeah: I went to a party, and it’s simply one of the proudest things I’ve done thus far this year.

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Topic Tuesdays: Raw & Personal

How A Curiosity in Rhetoric & Writing Studies Became A Passion: A Story.

liz

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They said that I wasn’t supposed to be in English Honors or in AP English in high-school due to my poor testing scores during the Citywide testing days.

Despite my ongoing challenge in grammar, speech, and reading comprehension, I still loved English as a class. I’ve read some of the most amazing stories throughout my 20 years in school, and I’ve come to create some of the most amazing stories from simple freewriting prompts back in public school. Although I wasn’t much of a reader, I was very much a dedicated writer. I’ve always enjoyed writing, and after discovering how it allowed people to hear my voice and express myself without people judging me one lunch period in the seventh grade, I knew writing was all I ever wanted to do.

Of course, I always thought there were other people better at writing than me. I knew that some people who didn’t care for writing were always praised more for just being more efficient and grammatically correct. But I knew I had something that only a few of us in this world have for writing: I had the passion for it. But with your teenage years comes doubts, worries, and people telling you that you should think about doing something else.

They said that I wasn’t supposed to major in English in college because of my speech impediment, my “slowly-but-surely-getting-better” grammar, and the fact that I didn’t need a degree to write. 

Yet I finished my BA in English and went on to get my Masters in the same exact thing. But, this time was different. I entered grad school learning about rhetoric and writing composition.

My first semester as a grad student I took a course called “Teaching of Writing”. I knew I didn’t want to become a teacher anytime soon, but I figured if all else fails, I’d want to teach other students that writing is such a powerful tool that many of us take for granted. I came out of that class knowing more than how to teach a couple of students how to write; I come out of that class knowing what, how, and why I take writing so damn serious, and how I can help other students that I once was like, feel heard in their specific field through writing.

Rhetoric & Writing Studies are more than just “common sense of what and what not to do in an academic environment”, it’s active learning and acknowledging issues and developing ways to improve on said issues to make writing a much more efficient and useful tool in a student’s life. In a way, it’s like learning the sociology of a classroom, and learning how to make it equal and fair for everyone in it.

I related to a lot of the issues we got to discuss in that class because I was once one of those students, regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, etc. I was a student who was washed out and not heard. I was a student who couldn’t get an “academic voice” packed down in their academic writing. I was a student who was ignored a lot of the time because I was always afraid of not being good enough, I was afraid of being looked at as “the student who gets pulled out of class to attend speech therapy”, I was afraid of not writing what the professor/teacher wants me to write, and I was once a student who was never heard because of my speech impediment. That feeling lasted all the way up to grad school.

So, when I decided to write my Master’s Thesis on this topic related to rhetoric & writing studies, I knew it was more than just a paper for me. It was my first piece of work that spoke my truth that I had to hide inside of me for 20 years. Because of that class, that thesis, and my professor who showed me what that world was all about, I am now a confident writer, an expressive writer, a passionate writer. 

And all it took was checking out the curiosity I had for rhetoric & writing studies.

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What rhetoric & writing studies taught me was that there aren’t a lot of people (especially educators) that have the background needed to run an efficient and equal classroom. There are observers of strict and traditional teaching who go into teaching and believe that’s the right way of teaching when really it’s an outdated way of doing it. Like everything else in the world, things change and things evolve to be more progressive, and yes – that does include teaching and how we run our classrooms! There are so many different techniques and ways to keep students engaged and interested in writing without forcing them to do it. I always believe that a student should always put themselves in their writing because it’s truly one of the only ways you will have students be proud of their pieces and their hard work.

Although I’ve been out of grad school for 10 months now, academics still hold a very special place in my heart because of this newfound passion I got to discover during my time as a grad student. It has given me opportunities that I wouldn’t have had if I didn’t go for it, and it wouldn’t have given me the certain drive I have to help future college students in the way I know I would’ve liked when I was an undergrad.

For where I am now: I’m looking for jobs that relate to the whole academic/college setting because I feel like it’s a place I belong to. It’s what I know, it’s where my passions lie, and it’s a place where I believe needs someone like me that continues to have that drive to change old habits and old ways. It may not be teaching yet, but I know that I want to encourage a whole new generation of writers that may not know that writing is the way to get people to listen to you, and it’s truly one of the only ways to dedicate change, speak of change, and express of change. I want to show writers that despite people telling them writing isn’t a real thing, they come out of it writing more powerful than ever.

And I owe all of my passion to that one rhetoric class, and to my former thesis advisor, professor, and now friend: Professor Carlo. Thank you.

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Topic Tuesdays: Random

How “Fave Culture” is Excusing Problematic Behavior.

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters from Liz!

This was definitely something I wanted to talk about for a very long time on the blog, and due to the current events in the media (film, music, reality; you name it), I feel like now it’s the best time to talk about the whole “fave culture” and how slowly it’s now excusing the problematic behavior of people who are famous, rich, and in the limelight.

So, let’s start from the obvious point: people aren’t perfect, and that includes the people you idolize in pop culture.

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It’s normal to like a person for their talents and their abilities to entertain, and you may also like people for just having a good and “relatable” personality. I still believe to this day that Kylie Jenner blew up when she finally stood out from the rest of her family, dyed her hair blue, and starting recommending things that people her age (and close to it) are liking at the moment. I’m not saying Kylie Jenner, aka 900 millionaire businesswoman who already was born into a wealthy ass family, is relatable to the common person by any means, but her interests and the personality she puts out there for her fans is something that they probably like about her. And that goes with anyone in the industry. I mean, we still have people who listen to Chris Brown’s music after a decade since he was once known for brutally beaten up Rihanna and we still have people rooting for Cardi B despite the fact she’s publicly said transphobic things. There will always be people who will forgive and forget the behavior of celebrities, and then there are some who won’t. But at the end of the day, someone in the limelight can pretty much do anything they want, and still know that they have a fanbase who will ride with them until the end of time, and that’s not okay.

Because let’s put it this way: would you have forgiven your friend for beating up their own boyfriend/girlfriend in their relationship? Would you ignore the fact that they openly say homophobic/transphobic slurs? Would you ignore the fact they are portraying another race or using it as their asethetic? If you wouldn’t excuse problematic behavior for anyone in your personal life, then why excuse it for people who don’t know and don’t give a shit about you?

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Maybe you chose to separate the person from their craft, as many people do in their lives. Many YouTube review channels will still review products from problematic people and try to separate the product from the person, which it’s your prerogative because we all do it. I do it. I’ve mentioned in my February 2019 Favorites post that I really enjoyed Ariana Grande’s Thank U, Next album, despite knowing that her cultural appropriation and her using race and language as a trend and as something to enhance her image and look. I don’t excuse her for that problematic behavior, because it is clear as day that she is portraying someone of color to the point where her music now reflects that image, that she uses the Japanese language and culture as an aesthetic (which was something we excused Gwen Stefani for a decade ago), and yet she’s being celebrated for being the first female artist to have 3 songs back-to-back on top of the Billboard charts. Now, I’m not saying that their hard work and dedication to their fans should be overlooked, because these people deserve the recognition of their work, the problem remains with their fanbases and how delusional they are to their fave doing problematic shit that despite being blatantly obvious, they choose to ignore it.

And that says a lot about us as people. It also explains how Donald Trump became our president despite almost everything he did. It says a lot about our priorities and it says a lot about our idolization towards people.

We choose to believe that our “faves” are like saints and superheroes and that they can possibly do no wrong. The fact of the matter is that these are real people who make real people mistakes and engage in problematic behavior, and it’s totally up to them if they want to acknowledge it or brush it off, and 99% of the time, it’s the latter. Because why openly admit to their problematic behavior and be labeled as something negative when they know if or if they don’t acknowledge it, they have people fighting their battles for them on social media? Why jeopardize their coin if they already know people will be ride or die with them by buying their albums, stream their songs, go to their concerts, buy their merch, and everything else? 

I know how hard it is to just boycott a person’s craft for their problematic behavior because if you actually did do that, you wouldn’t listen to any music, wear any makeup, or watch any television shows or movies. People are not perfect, and as a fan of someone’s, you need to acknowledge the fact that what they are potentially engaging in is problematic behavior. Just because you enjoy someone’s craft, doesn’t mean you should overlook the things they are doing and the mistakes they’ve made. Don’t give these celebrities the benefit of the doubt just because they’re celebrities.

You really have to ask yourself sometimes: would I excuse anyone personal in my life if they did the things my “fave” did?

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Topic Tuesdays: Raw & Personal

Why I Honor You, Eighteen: A Dialogue.

liz

Eighteen. How can you dread a number so much? 

Eighteen to me means darkness. Mistakes made, depression, loneliness, and hardship. It means suicide, it means being afraid for maybe not ever seeing nineteen. Eighteen, to me, is a burden.

Eighteen, for most teenagers, was “semi-legal adult”. It meant going to get tattoos and piercings without parental consent, sneaking out to go to 18+ parties in the city on a Friday night, drinking, thinking about college, the beginning of your independence and your life. Some of you may wish to relive the memories of eighteen; I wish I was able to hit my head so hard in the pavement that I could permanently never have to remember. 

Eighteen holds many of my demons, my insecurities, my inability to love myself and accept me for what I am in twenty-five. Twenty-four. Possibly even thirty. 

I repeated this story in detail plenty of times: through creative non-fiction, poetry, journal entries, and even during therapy sessions. I tried to tell my story to help heal me. So, why do I dread eighteen? Why can’t I let eighteen just die?

Because I never got to honor you, eighteen. I never sat down and celebrated how you got through it. I never saw you as my literal hero, because you chose life before you were able to choose to be defeated. You allowed me to live to see twenty-five. Twenty-four. Yes, even when it’s time to be thirty. 

Because eighteen, you deserve to know the following:

  • You found a way out from the emotional/mental abuse you were experiencing because deep down, you always knew there was a life that was better for you out there. You fought through the manipulation of another human being, despite what was being said, and got through that shit. You were patient and kind enough to see good in everything and everyone, even when you were constantly being pulled down to the ground. You lasted long enough to see you deserved happiness and what you were in wasn’t true happiness. Through the drama, death threats, abuse, and all that you took; you were able to say enough was enough.

  • You graduated high school in the top quarter of your class and made it through despite hating going to that hellhole five days a week. You solved those Pre-Calculus questions, you studied for that AP English exam, you learned every single second soprano note on every sheet of music for vocal, and you showed up despite the embarrassment and humiliation you faced. You did everything you could to finally get out of that place and never see those people in your life again. You were able to put everything aside: the depression, the constant suicidal thoughts, the cry for help, everything that would destroy you to get the work done. You showed me that no matter what happens to you in life, you have to get through shit to get to the other side.

  • You made mistakes, of course, you were young, but you never lost your morals and values, despite feeling like you were not worthy of having any anymore during eighteen. I don’t call you lucky after you escaped a situation where you could’ve potentially been raped, and honestly, that day had haunted everyone to twenty-five like it was yesterday, but some entity protected you that day. Maybe it was those morals and values you hold so dearly to your heart, maybe it was God; either way, you came out of dangerous situations alive, remorseful, and stronger. These things needed to happen to one of us in order for us to learn, and you were brave enough to go through it as young as you were. Thank you for risking your life for us; the twenty-five, the twenty-four, and even the thirty.

  • You kept doing what you loved despite being called worthless, useless, and horrible at your craft. You wrote poetry to get through the sad shit, the bad shit, and the depressing shit, and despite being told that you weren’t good enough, ever, you kept going. You kept that major your freshman year of college despite being told you weren’t good at even speaking English and didn’t need a degree to write, you continued to love a passion despite people wanting you to take a more “realistic approach” to what I wanted to do. You’re the reason twenty-two got that bachelors degree, and that twenty-four got that masters degree. You never gave up on doing the thing that makes you happy, and I applaud you for keep going.

  • At the end of each day, when you cried on the bathroom floor at 3 in the morning, cutting yourself with your sharp nails until blood started to run down your arm on its own, thinking you were this horrible person that deserved everything that happened to you and just wanted to die, you still went to bed every single night hoping the next day would be better. I know how badly you just wanted to get hit by a speeding car when you walked home after a long day, I know you just wanted to kill yourself so that the people who drove you to such insanity would feel bad that they did such thing, but you chose to take on life instead of taking it away from yourself. As much shame as I may carry around about you on my shoulders whenever I’m forced to think about you, I know you are a lot stronger than I give you credit for. You went through shit without anyone’s help, and that’s a challenge all on its own. I honor you for your will to live through such a dark time because twenty-five would not have been able to honor you. Thirty wouldn’t either in the future. There would not have been a Liz if you didn’t fight through your demons, those who lived on the inside and those who tried to destroy you on the outside. Thank you.

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