Category: Misc.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

We all struggle with something in our lives. I don’t know why but that opening sentence reminded me of a shitty opening universal message statement used in academic essays in college. 

Anyway, I still mean it: we all wish there was a solution to master and conquer that one thing that we struggle within our lives. If it’s keeping friends, being assertive, remembering important times, whatever it may be. Some of them are easily manageable and may only affect a small part of your life, and others are not so lucky. Those struggles require some professional assistance, or what I like to call: therapy. 

Although I keep in mind that therapy isn’t going to solve all of my issues, it does provide a time and place to discuss those issues. As I been to therapy in the past year a lot of the issues I have become less stressful, but there are still some things that no matter how many times I talk about it and try to do the opposite of what I’m doing, I still find myself subconsciously doing it.

The one thing I struggle with the most is the need to seek approval from those around me.

From talking things out and observing them myself for the past year, I’ve realized that it’s been tough for me to be assertive with myself and to be okay with putting myself as a priority. Although I feel like I’ve been doing good with assertiveness, I still feel like all that hard work falls apart when I’m anxious about someone’s approval. In other words, I’m still very afraid to make my own major decisions, and would most likely make them if I feel like they are the right thing to do and if other people approve of them, which yeah, it’s ridiculous, but I just seem to have trouble shaking that thing off.

Maybe it’s the perfectionist in me or just my lack of confidence in myself when making decisions, but whenever I feel like I’m making a bad decision with something, I automatically have to run and tell someone to convince me that I’m making a bad decision, as if my own judgment isn’t enough.

Although I’ve written posts and posts about how you shouldn’t seek approval, it’s still easier said than done. I’m finding different approaches to tackling this issue of mine, and as I sit here writing this, I haven’t found something that helps me stop seeking approval.

Because this is the thing: my anxiety is a bitch, and she tries as hard as possible for me to second-guess everything in my life, and although I make a decision that is best for me at the moment, she doesn’t allow me to be completely okay with my decision until someone reassures me that it’s okay. She doesn’t allow me to be assertive enough to the point where I can respect other people’s wishes, yet still, respect my own.

Will I ever break out of this cycle? Maybe one day, but I think I have to do some more growing up in order to finally feel like I can listen to my own voice without others influencing it.

What’s one thing you find yourself struggling with?

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

I’ve might’ve said this about 20 times on the blog already, but we really do live in such a progressive time. A lot of changes (good and bad) are being made, and a lot of our ideologies about things are not simply black and white anymore; instead, they are gray.

A lot of the gray areas that are now being discusses is the concept of gender. It’s always been that at birth, you were born as either a boy or a girl; penis or vagina. Many of us grew up with that ideology and when it was questioned (i.e. being transgender or dressing in drag), many of our younger selves mocked it. I mean, the Maury Show used to have a whole segment on drag queens trying to guess if they are a man or a woman? Don’t lie; your younger self loved that shit. 

But, we grow up and we decide to start thinking for ourselves. We start questioning society roles and society’s rules about everything, and when you join a group that relates to the struggles you may be having as a person, you then finally feel like you belong in a community that is just like you.

I can only imagine how many guys and girls grew up feeling like something was wrong because they didn’t feel like a guy or a girl.

Although I am a cis, straight woman, I do have a non-binary sibling, and it’s been extremely hard to not slip up on their pronouns.

My sibling has been open about their identity for a few years now, and when the process first started to happen, it was really hard to accept just because on the other side, you feel like you are losing someone that you knew your whole life. While I am now more acceptive of the pronouns and become more aware of the non-binary ideology, it’s still a concept that you definitely have to train your brain to learn. Many of us do identify others and their relationships simply by their gender/sex, and when the person tells you it’s otherwise, it feels foreign. But, I know at the end of the day, it’s not about me and how I feel, it’s about what makes them happy and if they feel like they are finally being seen as them, then that’s all that matters about the situation.

It’s easier to catch myself slip up when writing about my sibling and using their proper pronouns, but verbally speaking it’s still a challenge. Yes, “she”, “her’s” and “her” still slip from my mouth when referring to my sibling. Yes, I call them my sister. Little by little I am trying to show my sibling that I am supportive of their identity and that it’s going to take some time for me to get used to their pronouns, but it does not mean that I don’t care or don’t listen if I slip up.

If you are anything like me, a person with a sibling that identifies as non-binary, then please be respectful of your loved ones who identify as such. I could only imagine how difficult it was for them to open up and discuss a concept that many of us are not familiar with and one that many people do not accept. Be gentle, kind, and respectful. Also, don’t treat them any differently! Just because your sister or brother uses the oppositely signed pronouns, it doesn’t mean that their interest and the things that bonded you guys in the first time disappeared.

We, as a society, have to stop thinking that male and female are forms of identity. Maybe they are to some but to others, they don’t mean a thing. No, your reason to not respect your child’s wishes to be called the opposite or non-binary pronoun because “you gave birth to a boy/girl” is not valid. Your feelings as a cis person do not matter in these situations.

If you truly love someone, whether it’s a family member, friend, spouse, whatever they are to you: you would accept them for all that they come. Nothing is truly changing about them, just their unofficial society-written concept of gender.

Love you, Meg. ❤

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

My name is Liz, and I have Social Anxiety Disorder; I mention this at least twice a month on my blog, don’t look so surprised. What does that look like you might ask? Well, it started out as a fear of traveling on public transportation, then as a fear of leaving my house, and although I’ve been getting better at managing it, there are some things I don’t think I’ll ever get good at. Yes, that means my mother is still the person in my life making important appointments for me. Yes, I cannot order my own food over the phone. And yes, I still get anxious interacting with people. 

So how does one person with SAD live their lives in a social matter? Well, it’s different for every case.

Some people are more outspoken than others, while some are just extremely afraid of human interaction and feel most comfortable being by themselves. I like to believe I am in the middle: I enjoy my alone time way too much to the point I forget to socialize every once in a while, and when I do, I pretty much become okay with interaction.

My biggest struggle in life, though, is friendships. I don’t have many of them.

You see, my social anxiety has a hard time believing that long-distance friendships can work and that it’s not awkward to keep in touch with people you don’t see on a regular basis. I don’t tend to lose friends because I want to, it happens because not everyone is going to understand how SAD works for you, and that’s fine; you can’t make people understand why it’s hard to keep in touch. Also, my social anxiety tends to make me look like a shitty person because I’m not a consistent person with people. What I mean by that is I could have a whole conversation with you at the moment just because I’m comfortable, but if you catch me at a time where my anxiety is absolutely through the fucking roof, I’ll talk to you like you’re a stranger again. This type of scenario happened a lot during my college and grad school days, simply because semesters come and go and you may not ever see them again… until you guys take another class together again. My point being is that friendships are still the trickiest thing for me to understand.

So, how do you keep friends while having SAD? It also depends on the person who has it.

For me, I don’t have many friends because I just have major trust issues with people and I’m super overprotective with myself around new people who want to become friends with me. I don’t mind being cordial with acquaintances that have the same agenda as me, but when I feel like someone actually wants to be my friend, I shut down and I run away. Maybe that’s due to my trauma, maybe it’s SAD; who knows?

But the friends I keep (aka my partner and college friend that now lives across the damn east coast) must understand how SAD works for me. With that comes communication and agreements, really, that sometimes I’m going to be a shitty friend because of SAD but for the most part, I will be absolutely loyal to you as a friend. I always use my friend, Tori, as an example of someone who gets it; we may not see each other for a while and we may only do some text message check-ins every once in a while, but she knows that keeping in touch is extremely uncomfortable for me at times, and she understands that I order to help me be comfortable, the atmosphere stays the same. In other words, we both grew up since our days in college Acting, but the vibe our friendship has never left. And as with my partner, well, there’s a whole set of other things that play a role when you are involved with someone romantically.

The most important thing I am learning as a person with SAD is that people don’t know that they are truly signing up to become friends with two people instead of one. Anxiety, especially on a clinical level, is really living your life as a Jekyll and Hyde. One of them is truly you, the quirks and smiles and the relatable, likable side that likes to socialize and be around people, but then there’s the other side, her name is Anxietina, that truly wants to keep you all for herself and have control of the body that you both live in. You don’t have to be a person with depression or anxiety to completely understand the duality, but recognize that someone with SAD struggles with this other entity every single day. I know I do.

I may not be the greatest example of a person with a social life that has SAD, but I know there are so many people out there who are the leader of their friend groups and still deal with some levels of social anxiety. As someone with SAD, we always want to be able to be social with other people; what’s the fun of just being by yourself all of the time? We just have a harder time with some areas of life than others, and that’s okay.

So, what is the ultimate guide to friendship, told by a person with SAD?

There is none.

It’s about being able to challenge your anxiety, as well as respect it in order for others to respect it. Not every friend will, and not every time will you be able to challenge your anxiety, but hey – that’s the beauty of learning and growth. 

Also, it’s about remembering to be yourself.

 

 

 

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Today’s post is going to be short and sweet: I wanted to share some music with you guys! I know it’s been a while since I shared the music I’ve been listening to on the blog, but I always found it a lot easier to share the playlists I’m listening to on here, so here I am – posting my playlists to help you get through the week!

Whether you are a KPop fan or an old-school fan, these playlists will help you guys get up on your feet and get your day started!

Here’s to a new week of opportunities, life, and progress!

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks for many reasons, but the main reason is that I’m finally going on some job interviews! I’m extremely grateful that after a year of not getting anything set in stone, I’m finally starting to hear back from some places and getting offered job interviews!

I had my first interview after 5 months of nothing in the middle of July for a program that is located in Harlem. Of course, I was nervous, excited, anxious, everything normal to feel for something like this, and I prepared myself to the point where I felt most confident. This was also not like any interview; this was a group interview, and from what I heard from others: they aren’t good. They suck.

Coming out of it and now having the time to reflect on it, I am learning a lot about myself in the process. At the time I am writing this, I have interviews booked for the upcoming month and I’m taking what I’m learning about job interviews and myself to not only help me professionally but personally as well!

I’m definitely learning that work experience may not always be what people are looking for. As a person who decided to fully commit to their studies, I don’t have a lot of the work experience that jobs may be looking for. My credentials are in my education, to be honest. I may not be the smartest person in the world, but I’m confident with the knowledge I have and the degrees I received. I ultimately want to work within the college setting or any academic community, and I believe that my studies and my passions back me up when going into these interviews. I’ve learned that this group interview that many of these candidates really do come from different walkways of life, and although you may not have the experience your other candidates have, you have something that these people liked.

With that being said, I’m learning not to be so hard on myself because of my lack of working experience. While this particular job requires a lot of social working skills, it requires a lot of knowledge regarding education and how to treat students within an academic setting. I’m learning that I, too, have something to offer, and maybe that what an employer may want.

In addition to that, I’m also learning how to ask for help when I need it. My job hunting process was very limited in regards to people knowing my process and progress, but there’s nothing wrong with asking someone for help or advice about job hunting and interviews. My former professor, who is now my friend and mentor, has given me tons of professional tips while my partner has helped me with a lot of the social things that comes with the job. I honestly feel like because of this, I am able to feel more comfortable in talking about these things that were once private to me, y’know? In any situation, it’s okay to ask for help or for advice; it doesn’t mean you failed on your own!

Lastly, I’m learning how to introduce myself out to the world. Yes, my blog also helps me out as well, but I’m learning how to introduce myself professionally. In other words, I’m learning where I want to be and who I want to be in this world. After having to introduce myself through cover letters, job applications and job interviews, I’m getting a better understanding of what it means to introduce yourself in a professional matter.

Anyway, I’m very excited to see where this journey goes! I hope ya girl is employed and rejoiced very soon! Even more so, I’m excited to grow from these experiences.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

During last year’s Blogust, I reacted to an old poem that I wrote back in 2012, and I found it both fascinated and embarrassed to look back at the travesty that was my work.

Guess who’s back to do it again!

The poem that I’m reacting to this time around was a shitty one nevertheless entitled, “Charm Bracelet”. It wasn’t that great back then if we’re going to be honest here – but I wanted to share this one because I feel like a lot of the things said in here I thought were true, and reading it back, you could clearly see that I wasn’t my own mascot during these times. The references to killing myself in all of my poetry back then were just read as being an “angsty teen”, but man, I truly did forget just how much of a bad place I was in while writing this poetry. Maybe that’s why I don’t write it anymore? 

Anyway, “Charm Bracelet” is a metaphor for the labels and qualities you carry around with you in life. I guess my teenage self thought that I was always wearing my labels on me like different charms of a bracelet, while everyone was seeing it. Anyway, here’s this very interesting poem:

Continue reading “Day 8: 25-Year-Old Liz Reacting to Old Poetry I Wrote… Again.” →

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Being in our twenties, we are still trying to figure out our place in the world and what it ultimately means to be ourselves. While some people figure those things out faster than others, it’s still such an important milestone to discover when you are living in your 20’s.

But getting to know yourself means getting to know your limits, boundaries, morals, values, and the things that just make up the entity of you. In other words, we become more self-aware with the things that in the past we were not able to fully comprehend. Maybe we were embarrassed to be a certain way in our teens, maybe you felt shameful for being a certain type of person; whatever the case may be, we just simply don’t care about what image we have and ultimately take care of ourselves when we are more self-aware. Therapy has helped me become more aware of myself over the past year, and because of it, I do have a lot of restrictions and boundaries I’ve created because I just have a better understanding of what I like and don’t like. I have a pretty good idea that if you guys are anything like me, your boundaries and restrictions are set up in the same way.

That doesn’t mean we are complaining.

As I’m writing this, we are currently going through a heatwave in NYC. I’ve known for years how much I don’t enjoy the summer; I get sick easily, I’m more depressed in the summer, I seem to never be cooled down, and I’m a lot more cranky and isolated during the hotter months. Because of this, I tend to trap myself in my air-conditioned room and let the day pass by. Of course, it’s not the healthiest thing to do, but it’s the way that I cope. Yes, I will tell you that I’m not coming out because it’s too hot. Yes, I will tell you I didn’t run my errands because it was too hot. Yes, I will not do a damn thing in this damn heat because it’s too fucking hot.

While I understand that everyone is feeling it the same way I am, my body is going to respond the way that it’s going to respond, and it’s my job to listen to her when she needs assistance. If I feel light-headed and dizzy and that I can’t breathe, I’m going to sit down and rest for the day. If I feel a little on-edge this particular day, I’m sorry but I’m just having a bad day. If I’m fine one minute and then all of a sudden I’m having an anxiety attack, my internal world stops in order to assist my body in whatever she may need to get out of that situation. I’m not trying to say that my problems are uniquely my own, I’m saying that I respond to them the way that I do, that’s all.

Of course, to the public eye, restrictions and boundaries are sometimes translated into “I can’t”, which again, isn’t the worst thing in the world. Saying no or that you can’t doesn’t mean you have a negative perspective on things, it just sometimes means at this moment, your boundaries or restrictions are not looking for any wiggle room. Yeah, that could change in the future, but at this exact moment, I’m listening to what my body needs and I’m going to put her first.

We are just self-aware of the things we can handle and what we can’t at this moment, so please be respectful of that. For many of us, this self-awareness took years to be discovered and heard and we are still new and unfamiliar with its contexts. Don’t just assume we are “complaining” about our problems or having a negative perspective on something. We are just human, and we always have room to grow.

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer thus far; whether you’re working, in summer school, or just cooped up in the house, I hope everyone is enjoying the warmer weather in their own way! Of course, if you are a person who gets a bit depressed in the warmer seasons, then I hope you are finding (healthy) ways to beat that depression and enjoy yourself!

As a person who’s been very active in their own mental health awareness within the last year, I’ve noticed that there are just times where I feel an intense wave of sadness. I could have a really awesome day before, and then the next day comes and it’s a complete 180. Sometimes, I am able to identify the things that get me sad, meaning that at times, my sadness acts as a reaction, but there are just times when I have no idea what is causing this sudden wave of sadness. The people around you will continuously ask you what’s wrong, yet you don’t even know what’s wrong yourself.

As a person battling their own waves of depression, I’m here to tell those who may be battling it themselves AND the people who may not understand it that sadness is first and foremost an emotion, and like other emotions, it is about the chemicals in your brain.

The average person normally looks at depression as just sadness, which to a certain extent is true. Although depression is simply not just sadness, it is a contributing part yet it isn’t always because something is happening or because something has happened to us. Sadness, like happiness, can occur at any moment. While we can be happy and content for no apparent reason, the same applies to sadness, and that’s because both emotions are caused by chemicals in our brain.

When we are feeling happy, we have a lot of serotonin going on in our brain, because serotonin is a “feel good” type of chemical. Dopamine, another chemical in our brain, is sorta the same thing, but it plays more on our pleasure elements in our emotions. In anxiety, our dopamine is low because instead of enjoying ourselves, we are very fearful and worrisome, whereas in Schizophrenia it’s extremely high, often leaving people with the disorder having a grandioso persona of themselves, and having a feeling of invincibility as well. In depression, both our dopamine and serotonin are low, which causes us not to just feel sad, but unmotivated to do anything as well. It’s why you hear many people with depression having a hard time getting out of bed, struggling to pass their courses, and even keep their jobs. Having MDD (major depression disorder) is actually considered a disability because in severe cases, it leaves people unable to function in society.

But in less severe cases, like mine, I just sometimes get sad out of nowhere without knowing the true meaning behind it, and I’ve learned to accept it for what it is. “Yeah, I’m feeling sad in this exact moment, and even if I don’t know why I’m sad, I know I’ll be okay.”

To an extent, I’m saying that it’s okay to be sad. It truly is; we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t experience the ups and downs of our emotions. It happens, but like happiness, IT’S TEMPORARY AND THINGS WILL GET BETTER. Acknowledge your unspecified sadness and realize it’s just an emotion; not everything in life has an answer, so why would your emotions have one too? As a society, we are so caught up on the fact that if we are sad, it’s because something made us sad when truly, that’s only half of the reason! We could be sad because, at this exact moment, our chemicals in our brain are not running high and that’s okay! It will go up again! Stop trying to figure out what is wrong with you when you don’t know what it may be; truth be told, forcing a reason for you to be sad is just going to actually make you even sadder.

Make it apparent to yourself and those around you that just because you may be feeling sad today, it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world and it doesn’t mean that you are “broken and have to be fixed.”

For me, it took me a while to stop trying to find out the reason that I was feeling sad whenever there wasn’t no true reason behind it. Yes, there were times when I was sad and there was a reason, but I honestly accepted sadness as its own entity when I accepted that it’s just another human emotion, and there will be days when I feel it, and there will be other days when I don’t. It’s that simple. 

So, the next time someone in your life notices that you’re sad and asks you what’s wrong, just tell them, “Nothing’s wrong, really. I’m just feeling sad today, but I’ll be okay.”

 

 

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

Yes, it’s a SAS post, and yes, I know it’s not Saturday. For Blogust, SAS posts are on Sunday for the time being, so hi, welcome back!

Again, I really must thank my therapy sessions for inspiring me for these type of posts; I learn a lot about myself and life in general through those sessions, and they make really good content to share with you guys!

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve been having to recap some of the major milestones I’ve made since first going to therapy and document if I’ve personally seen any change regarding my anxiety and depression. At first, it was a little difficult. I was only able to think of things at the top of my head like “being more assertive” and “more self-aware of my mental health”, and it honestly took someone who’s only known me for 4 months to tell me more about myself than I could. She explained to me that victories and victories, no matter how big or small they may be. While yeah, that’s true and all, we have to define what’s truly something big and that’s something small, and she described it in the most perfect way: “sometimes, when something is not tangible, we tend to forget that those things still exist, so when we talk about victories, those things that you unknowingly worked on are considered victories as well. 

So, here we are for this SAS post.

The little things I looked over, like being able to trust and express a little more and having a better balance of my feelings and the feelings of my loved ones are some of the things I’ve worked on without truly ever realizing it. Looking back, I don’t remember the last time I didn’t say nor do something just so I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. I don’t remember staying silent about something just to protect someone else’s feelings. I also don’t remember the last time I allowed my anxiety to say “no, we’re not going to that social gathering”. Also, I don’t remember the last time I told my therapist that “no one understands me.”

This idea of documenting the intangible victories applies to more than just the mental health victories you’ll make. Feeling defeated because it seems like the hard work you put in your projects or agendas isn’t paying off? The fact that you keep coming back every single day to just try is a victory. The fact that you’re putting things into action is a victory within itself. Feeling like your goals are too far away to reach even after actively working on them? You still working on achieving your goals is a victory; you didn’t give up!

At the end of the day, you really can’t be too hard on yourself for only seeing the major victories in your life. Most of the time, the big ones can only happen if the small ones are constantly being met, so take things one step at a time! I must say this every time there’s a post about this, but Rome wasn’t built in a day! Every day, people actively put in the work to see it become something in the future. Take it from somewhere who is tremendously hard on themselves when there seems to be little to no change in their life: be patient and keep going. Document those intangible victories to keep yourself going!

 

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

As you can read from the title of this letter, you would know that we reached 300 posts on this blog! How crazy is that? From something that started just in the spur of the moment to turning into this tiny community that we have going on, it’s simply surreal, to say the least.

When the blog started, she was called TNTH, or “Today’s News, Tomorrow’s Headline”. Although it was different and calling my blog “TNTH” was simple and easy, after two years it just didn’t fit the mission I was after anymore. Then, Letters From Liz is born, and even with the simple name change, I felt closer to the blog and to my audience more than ever, because yeah, this is me, writing you guys letters to read, hoping that one of them helps you in any way possible.

I have so many ideas for the blog in the future but as of now, I am content with where I’m at. Writing on here twice a week has helped me on my own journey of recovery, so thank you for allowing me to do so.

Like every celebration post, here are some of my favorite posts I’ve written since we’ve celebrated 200 posts on the blog:

• October 2018: How Writing Saved Me: A Story.
• November 2018: “It’s My Turn”: A Dear Jane Letter.
• December 2018: Travel Diary: Bangor, Pennsylvania.
• January 2019: Things I’ve Accepted Halfway Into My Twenties.
• January 2019: Let’s Stop Pressuring Women Into Motherhood.
• January 2019: How I’m Learning to Embrace Womanhood.
• February 2019: Why I Honor You, Eighteen: A Dialogue.
• March 2019: How A Curiosity in Rhetoric & Writing Studies Became A Passion: A Story.
• March 2019: I Went To A Party: A Victory Against SAD.
• April 2019: Discussing “Trauma Secrets”.
• April 2019: Music Favorites: KPop Edition!
• April 2019: Music Favorites: KPop Rookies Edition!
• May 2019: The Reunion: A Dialogue.
• June 2019: When History (Sorts) Repeats Itself: A Scene.
• July 2019: My Truth About Healing From Trauma On My Own.
• Summer 2019: Overexposed: A Self-Love Project Series.

Thank you so much for the support on Letters From Liz! Here’s to the rest of Blogust, and here’s to the next 100 posts!