I have to admit something.
Something possessed me one Sunday night to go to Grace’s show again. The night I left my mom’s house I felt uneasy. I was driving along the road back toward the city, thinking about the night I first saw her dance. The first time was coincidental; I didn’t mean to go to her show. I didn’t know that out of all of the shows playing in Korea, I would end up going to her show. The initial shock of seeing her the first time made me realize that I didn’t remember the entirety of the show. This time, I wanted to actually see the show.
Before the venue doors opened, all of today’s viewers stood in the lobby, grabbing drinks and talking among each other. I wish that I wasn’t here in secret, maybe then I’d be more inclined to enjoy the night.
…
“Are you gonna miss me when I make it big in the dance industry?” Grace playfully asked, grabbing a French fry off of my plate.
“What do you mean ‘miss’,” I started to answer. “I’m going to be at every show when you do.”
“You’re willing to watch the same show 100 times, over and over again? That’s boring,” Grace scoffed.
“I am willing to watch you dance all 100 of those times,” I said, smiling at Grace. Her face gets red, blushing before she’s able to say anything back.
“Well,” Grace started to say as she twirled the straw of her drink. “Dreams are meant to be dreams.”
“Not for you, though,” I reassured Grace. “You’re resilient, and that’s something I’m not willing to see change about you.”
…
The show begins and I vaguely remember how it opened. Every dancer is immensely talented yet they all effortlessly work well with each other to create art on stage. I didn’t appreciate the craft until Grace introduced me to it, showing me the different style of dance and even some of her own home videos from when she was younger. I appreciate the technicality behind each dance step. It wasn’t a shock that she was so articulate as a lawyer; she was born articulated and detail oriented.
Shortly after, Grace comes out for her solo. She’s confident now; she has mastered the dance after doing it for quite some time now. She’s more animated now, telling more of the story through her body and facial expressions. She frowns and smiles and closes her eyes all in the right places; it’s like it’s a completely new dance. Once her solo was over, she got the reaction from the crowd like it was the first night all over again: standing ovation and cheering. I do the exact same.
After the show, everyone starts to exit the theater. I tried to leave as soon as the show ended’ I didn’t want to take the risk of being seen by Grace or anyone else near the venue. I was almost out of the clear until my phone began to ring. I took my phone out of my pocket and see that it’s Kevin calling.
“yeoboseyo?” I answered.
“Hyung,” Kevin responded. “JooAh and I just got into town, we’ll be at your place in about an hour.”
“It’s okay,” I said, looking around the theater. “I’m currently running errands, but I’ll be home before you guys get there…I’ll see you then.” I hung up the phone after saying bye to Kevin, quickly putting the phone in my pocket. I’m almost out of the venue, but to my surprise I hear my name being called. Fuck.
I slowly turned around and see Sahim waving his hand. As a reflex, I waved back, but fully processing the fact that Sahim was the one that recognized me and called out my name. I didn’t realize just how involved he was in the show, I didn’t realize just how much time he and Grace had spent between rehearsals and off-days from the production.
Sahim began walking up to me, in which I throw on the most fake smile I can think of.
“Hey man,” Sahim greeted me, giving me a hand pound. “I’m surprised to see you here.”
“Yeah,” I began to say, trying to come up with a convincing lie to tell. “Shawn had recommended that my girlfriend and I see the show… she’s in the bathroom right now.”
“Ahhhh, really? Did you like the show?” Sahim asked.
“It was great,” I politely said. “All of the dancers were amazing on stage.”
“Yeah, they all worked really hard to be here,” Sahim agreed before placing his hand on my shoulder. “If you and your girlfriend would like to grab dinner with Grace and I, you totally can.” I immediately shook my head, not because Haram actually wasn’t with me tonight, but he had just invited my girlfriend and I to a double date with him and my ex-girlfriend. I felt the bile rise up my throat.
“No, no, it’s okay,” I quickly said, trying to change the subject. “My girlfriend and I are meeting up with our friends, so…”
“Of course, man,” Sahim said, patting the spot on my shoulder that he was previously touching. “I’m glad you enjoyed the show.” I nodded my head and said goodbye to Sahim. I quickly headed for the exit, hoping Sahim wasn’t looking in my direction. I took a look back to see if he was; thankfully he was already talking to someone else. I walked out the exit.
…
“You’re okay, JooAh?” Haram asked, pouring hot water into a mug with a tea bag for her.
“Yes, thank you,” JooAh answered, slightly bowing out of respect. Kevin walks into the kitchen area with a purse in his hand; JooAh’s I’m assuming. He hands it over to his very pregnant girlfriend and kisses her on the forehead.
“Sorry for the scare,” JooAh began to say. “Sometimes the flare ups are worse than others.” Kevin has told me that JooAh’s pregnancy has been rough for the both of them; it’s the reason why we don’t get to see them as much anymore. I’m glad that when we do, we’re able to just go with what comes at us, and I’m glad Haram is able to help out.
“Why don’t we go into the living room and catch up,” Haram said to JooAh. “Let the men catch up in the kitchen.” JooAh nodded her head and got up from her seat. Haram helps her get into the living room as Kevin watches. Once the women are out of the room, Kevin lets out a deep sigh.
“Everything okay, Kevin?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he simply said, now looking at me. “It’s been a roller coaster for us these last couple of months.” I nodded, letting Kevin talk. “How about you? Have you seen Shawn yet?”
“Yeah,” I said. “He and Skylar left for Seoul a couple of weeks ago.”
“He introduced her to his family?”
“Yeah, and from what he excitedly said, his family likes her a lot,” I smiled as I said. “I’m happy for him; he deserves it.” Kevin didn’t say anything back; I have been the moderator between Shawn and Kevin for the last couple of months, ever since we left California last summer. Although they both have been in really good places in their relationships, they still haven’t spoken to each other. “I think he’s going to propose to Skylar while they’re here.
“Mwo?” Kevin asked, shocked. “So soon?”
“You know Shawn,” I began to say. “Shawn is going to do things the way Shawn does them.
“Despite what he may think about me, I can say that Skylar is good for him,” Kevin admitted.
“I agree,” I said, taking a deep breath. Kevin kept looking at me as if he was waiting for me to say more about this topic. “What?”
“Do you keep in touch with Grace?” Kevin nonchalantly asked. “You know, since you keep in touch with Shawn and Skylar…”
“No,” I quickly said, forcing the lie to roll off my tongue. “The last time we spoke was the ngiht before leaving California. Things got messy.”
“Weren’t things with Grace always messy?” Kevin scoffed. I tried to not react to his comment; I was supposed to be completely over Grace… I am completely over Grace. “You seem a lot happier these days, Hyung. I’m glad that you were able to move forward with your life after everything that woman put you through.” That woman. I grind my teeth together to keep my mouth.
“Let’s go and sit with the women,” I got up from my seat, walking towards the living room area.
Letters From Liz. 