I thought I wasn’t going to make it past 18 at one point. I thought that one night at 18, I would take my own life for not wanting to be here, to not seeing a future in this body, and for never wondering what life would be like in years to come. I thought that I wouldn’t be here long enough to experience all of the amazing things I’ve experienced in my 20’s.
Hi, my name is Liz, and I am a newly 27-year-old woman. Happy Birthday to me.
At 20, I remember being a sophomore in college being completely obsessed with the show The Killing and having an immense interest in dramatic television writing. I had long ombre hair, I was with my ex, and I was finally feeling confident enough with myself to the point where I was embracing myself in different aspects; sexuality, emotionally, physically, mentally. I was in a really good place at 20.
At 21, things started to get bad again. I was now dealing with issues in my life that I didn’t know how to solve; i.e new arising family issues that came out of the blue. Personally, I felt like I was still in a good place; I was getting good grades, my passions were still aligned up for me, and my relationship was doing okay. But things behind close doors was tough, and I lost a lot of myself along the way due to the fact that I wasted a lot of my own energy trying to change and control the situation.
At 22, I started to make changes for myself for the better. I was graduating college and I wanted to make the most out of that year. I would write in a journal to document everyday of that year, I made friends in one of my classes, spent the summer hanging out with my newfound friends, and I started grad school. It was am amazing year and I felt my best at 22, despite having moments when I felt like I had no sense of direction or idea where I was going.
At 23, I felt the pressure of life get to me. I started to allow my grad school studies get the best of me and lost the ability to take care of myself properly. I wasn’t taking the time out of my school schedule to unwind and take a break from being “Liz: the student”. No one in my family understood how isolating it was to be in grad school surrounded by nothing but my studies.
24, things were weird. I graduated grad-school but I was also at a place in my life when I didn’t feel like I was completely living my own life. I first started to attend therapy and got diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder & the journey to recovery was difficult that year. Anxiety attacks, breakups, really hard discussions to have with my therapist and psychiatrist. The list goes on and on.
At 25, I found myself needed to change. I knew within my soul that I needed to change the old habits in my life and the things that I felt like weren’t serving me anymore. I new chapters of my life were closing, and whether or not I was ready to do so, I had to do it. My relationship ended, I started a new job, and I started to do some rediscovering of myself and figure out how to take care of me before I involved anyone else in my life.
At 26, I continued to see what life was like for me; for Liz. She went to her first kpop concert, she went on her first solo plane ride to Florida, she made some cool new friends at her workplace and online in the kpop community, and she’s just doing the best that she can regardless of what’s going on around her.
At 27, I am hoping to keep on finding myself and getting to know myself in different situations. I am hoping that I will stop letting my fears get the best of me and allow myself to do new and exciting things. I am hoping to keep working on the things that I haven’t embraced or accepted. I am hoping that I am able still make progress, even if it’s not linear. I am hoping that 27 treats me well, and keeps me on this path of just doing what’s best for me and the life that I am living.
Hello, 27. Welcome to the life of Liz.