Twelve Letters of Lizmas: 2019

Christmas Eve: A Retrospect of 2019.

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Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz.

For the past two years, I’ve written posts reflecting back on my year on Christmas Eve; it’s only right since next week we’ll be counting down the start of 2020! How crazy is that?

2019 was definitely a year I think I needed to have in order to start the rest of my life. This year needed to happen so that I was able to close this decade out and start a new one. It feels surreal, y’ know? I feel like I’m not living in my own body anymore but in a good way! It truly feels like I’m maturing and growing out of the shell that was this decade. It wasn’t an easy transition to get through; in some aspects, I’m still trying to get used to it, but I don’t regret what this year has taught me.

  1. Your soul will never stop protecting you and telling you what’s best for you, so listen to it. A lot of the things that changed about me this past year came from the fact that my soul has told me enough was enough in a lot of areas in life. It has told me that it’s time to take care of myself, love myself, and discover myself in its purest form. A lot of the things I’ve tolerated within the last decade I don’t tolerate anymore, and it’s caused me to adjust myself and my relationships with people to take care of my soul. I wrote a post about listening to your soul a month ago, and it’s honestly the one thing I will always take with me as my life lives on.
  2. Embrace the things that ultimately make you happy, no matter how quirky, uncommon, or weird they may be to your outside world. Don’t be ashamed of them either! Currently, the one thing that constantly makes me happy no matter what is my love and interest for Kpop, and towards the beginning of the year, I was ashamed of sharing that interest out loud. I didn’t want to be seen as a “koreaboo”, a “person appropriating Korean culture”, or just a person with some sort of “Asian fetish”. After a while, after getting an opportunity to reintroduce myself to the world, I’ve made it very apparent that Kpop makes me really happy and it’s continuously saving me from a lot of dark thoughts and moments. As a matter of fact, I’ve embraced my love for it so much, I even got a tattoo to symbolize my love for it.
  3. Heartbreak is inevitable, and no matter what you’ll get through it. Back in August, my ex and I decided that it was best for us to end our relationship after being on-and-off for the last 10 years. He was my best friend, first love, first everything truly, and when the breakup first happened, it was one of the hardest things I’ve dealt with since my grandfather’s death back in 2018. A week after our breakup, I self-harmed myself for the first time in six years just because the physical pain felt better than the emotional pain from everything that was happening at that time in my life. Although it’s something I’ll probably deal with for another couple of months, I know it was the best for both of us. I’m doing a lot better now, and I will always cherish my first relationship for the rest of my life. I’ll never regret it, and I’ll always have mad love for the person who’ve lived this last decade growing with me.
  4. Challenge the things that you thought you’d never be able to do; you never know the outcome of things! For the majority of the year, I was job-hunting, unsuccessful due to the lack of work experience I had (I was in school for 6 years straight) and everything I wanted to do required some work experience doing something. After a while, I was losing confidence in finding a job, until my partner at the time suggested I should try doing a “less stressful” type of retail, like a bookstore. Luckily enough, my old college bookstore was looking for people to hire, and one phone interview later, I was hired! I’m so grateful for the job I have at the bookstore; my managers are the sweetest people ever, my co-workers are more so my friends now, and this job has honestly helped get through these last couple of months efficiently. They may not know this, but these people saved my life, and I will always be thankful for challenging my social anxiety fears and going for it.

 

2019 was the year of tons of ups and downs, but it wasn’t a bad year. I’ve gained confidence in ways I never knew I was capable of being, I did things I never thought I was able to do; I truly challenged my comfort zone this year, and I’m so proud of myself for doing so!

So farewell, 2019. Thank you for teaching me lessons I will carry for the rest of my life, and thank you for allowing me the space to embrace the things I never thought I would in my life. Thank you.

Be good to me, 2020.

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