Self-Appreciation Saturdays

SAS: A Letter to My Former Self. (10/12/19)

To the Liz that was struggling this time last year,

It’s ya girl, Liz.

A lot of things changed that you aren’t aware of because you’re very busy currently being inside of your head, worrying about everything else around you in life. To be quite honest, we aren’t that different; I still struggle with some of the things you do as well, I am still learning how to balance my major depression and social anxiety disorder, and, well – I’m still trying to figure out my purpose and place on this planet.

Of course, I’ve grown since this body was living in your mindset, and I’m here to remind you that this rough patch you’re experiencing; the hopeless, sadness, and the inability to make yourself feel better isn’t always going to last.

It’s quite funny how many times I have to remind some version of myself that things will get better.

It’s like we forget that life gets hard but no matter what, we shouldn’t give up on ourselves.

Anyway, I remember the place you were at this time last year, Liz. You felt like you had no purpose, you were unemployed and so desperate to find a job, you felt unhappy in many points of your life, therapy was the only constantly good thing happening in your life, and you were dealing with some things that you didn’t know where major contributions to your undiagnosed depression.

I know you’re feeling as if there’s nothing worth living for; to be quite honest, it’s going to worsen for you as the weeks pass. But, let me remind you why I’m here today: because you were strong enough to not give up.

I got to see most of 25, and in a couple of months, I’ll get to see 26. I got the chance to cut my hair into a pixie cut and gain the confidence I now have for myself. I got the chance to start amazing projects with amazing people, find a great first job with great coworkers, and learn more about who I am. Of course, it’s not all pretty and full of rainbows: I’ve lost a lot of important elements of my life that I’m afraid I’ll never get back, I’ve had moments of feeling like a failure, moments of feeling invalidated, moments of wishing there were other people who were willing to save me from myself at times.

But, if there was anything that you taught me, it’s that you can’t save people, which means no one is going to be able to save you; only you can do that for yourself.

Don’t depend on people to be your happiness. People have to be their own happiness, and they can only add to the already happiness you have for yourself. The people in your life aren’t always going to be around, whether they’re unavailable in the moment you need them or they simply aren’t a major part of your life anymore. You have to be your own best friend, supporter, cheerleader, shoulder to cry on, and advice-giver. Yeah, it’s great if we have people in our lives who play some of these roles in your life, but at the end of the day, you have to do it for yourself.

Just like everything in life, you had to do it for yourself. You have to get out of your funks by yourself, you have to comfort yourself when things go wrong, and you have to be the reassurance figure in your life telling you that everything is going to be okay and that you’re worth it.

Once you learn how to be your own damn everything, you’ll know how to take care of yourself in times of need.

Of course, I’m not saying you can’t find some sort of happiness in others. You’ll later realize that socializing with other people, even if it’s just a customer or two, will help brighten up your days. You later realize that you’ll get to know yourself better by socializing with new people; it’s a chance to re-introduce yourself to people who don’t care about the mistakes and mishaps you made in the past. You later realize that you don’t always want to be alone in your thoughts, but another human interaction is actually quite healthy for your healing.

Liz, I’m telling you that after any bump on the road you find yourself tripping over, there’s a smooth surface with tons of things that are worth seeing through.

I know you won’t give up on yourself, it’s why I’m here, getting the chance to tell you that your decision to keep fighting is worth it, just how I know my future self will thank me for choosing to fight rather than give up.

We got this, Liz.

hand endnote

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