Month: January 2019

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!

In the time I’m writing this, I’m preparing for my first job interview of the year, and the interview that I hope actually gets me the job. I’ve been on my job-hunting process ever since I graduated last Spring, and the journey has not been kind to me. So, I hope that this time’s the charm!

But, I still am very nervous about the possibility of rejection. What if everything goes great, and then I get the email saying I didn’t get the job? What if I’m not really what they are looking for? It’s things like this that make the whole job-hunting and interview process a lot harder. Rejection is extremely hard to handle in any situation: professionally, academically, socially, romantically; you name it. Sometimes, we as people, symbolize rejection as we not being good enough. If you get rejected for a job, you believe you aren’t experienced enough. If you are rejected academically, you believe you aren’t smart enough. If you are rejected in a romantic situation, you believe you aren’t romantically good enough for a person. And honestly, it sucks that we believe these things just say simply getting rejected in life. 

It’s taken me a handful of job rejection emails from various companies and universities for me to realize that sometimes, rejection is needed and it’s a part of the process; any process really. Rejection sharpens you up, and it shows you the realities of what it’s like living life as a human being on this earth. Rejection is going to happen, and it’s completely up to you if you allow it to make you or break you. I know for me in the past, I allowed it to break me. Way back when I was applying for grad schools and had my heart set on a film school, the rejection stung, and to this day does when I really think about it. Yes, it’s hard for me to sit down and write scripts or stories because it reminds me of that time in my life, but after two years since that rejection happened, I’ve learned so much more about my passions and drives, and I believe that I am where I need to be in life because, throughout my grad school journey studying a completely new field, I fell in love with it. I wouldn’t have had the experiences I did if I didn’t get that rejection in the first place.

And honestly, that’s the beauty of rejections. That, yes, they are going to initially hurt when you get it, and you will question it, but it does not reflect on who you are. Rejection is simply a “hey, you aren’t the right fit for us”, but there is something and someone out there where you are, and even much more. If you allow rejection to engulf you, you’ll never truly believe in yourself, and you will never truly strive for the things you want out of life. If this one thing doesn’t work in your favor, then try something else somewhere else. Don’t give up on your potential and don’t just stop going after your goals and dreams.

So, whatever rejection you may have recently experienced or anticipating to potentially have (again, this isn’t a pessimistic outlook, it’s a realistic one), don’t let it defeat you. Let it make you even stronger, more determined, and optimistic in your journey of life.

So with that being said, future Liz who is posting this two days after the job interview, I hope you did well, and I hope you remain hopeful no matter what the decision may be, girl!

-Liz. (:

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!

So, quick funny story: five years ago, I was watching a story on the news about how women are cutting their hair into pixies more than ever, and they were looking at tweets regarding this story to see what the public has to say about it. I wrote something along the lines of “It’s so hard not to reach for a pair of scissors and cut my hair really short!” Five minutes later, they featured my tweet on the news. This has been my third appearance on the news, and no, they were not for negative things. 

I wasn’t lying when I said that I would cut my hair really short into a pixie. Something about cutting your hair extremely short like that felt liberating and exciting to experience, but I always felt way too scared to go for the big chop. I was never a stranger to a pair of hair-cutting scissors; I mean, I pretty much rocked every hair length you can imagine except for a pixie. So when I was looking at pixie haircuts online last month, something told me to just go for it. You have to try things at least once in your life, and this was something I personally had on my bucket list.

So, a month later, I’m here to tell you about my experience about this rocking short hairdo.

• When I first cut my hair, it felt extremely weird to not have hair go down my neck. It constantly felt like I had a high ponytail on. The best part about not having that much hair on the back of my head is that I didn’t have to use that much shampoo and conditioner like I used to! The bad thing… my hair gets a bit greasier when I sweat, and on the warmer days we had last month, it was brutal hoe greasy my hair got. Another bad thing was that whenever it was really cold, my neck got cold as well. Seriously, I walked around my house a couple of times with a scarf on because my neck was so damn cold!
• Knowing what to wear without feeling too frumpy or tomboyish was a challenger; I’m not a girly dresser to begin with. I learned that certain necklines on shirts and sweaters did not look well with my short hair, and I learned some looked great with my short hair that didn’t when I had longer hair. Same came to jewelry: I quickly realized that the only pair of mini hoop earrings I wear did not look so great with my hair anymore, so I gravitated towards stud earrings, which I never really liked when I had longer hair.
• Surprisingly (and this could just be because I don’t go out much and socialize), but I didn’t get the “mad attention you get when you cut your hair into a pixie cut”. I mean, the only person who gave me that attention when they first saw it was my partner, and I was surprised that he really liked it! Maybe short hair is just so common to see women rocking now, it’s not a complete head-turner anymore. Or maybe I’m just delusional and don’t see people looking at me when I walk by. Just saying!
• There will be days where you don’t feel pretty with short hair as you do with longer hair, and that just goes with the phases of having a short haircut. There are days where I look in the mirror and think “oh God, please grow already” and then there are moments where I’m like “I’M A HOT ASS CHICK!” I think it’s just us trying to break those boundaries of what beauty really is in society, and long hair does not define it.
• When rocking a pixie cut, you have to decide real quick if you want to grow it out or maintain the pixie haircut look. As a person maintaining my haircut, I have to get my hair trimmed at least once every two weeks, because you start to notice just how fast hair really grows when it’s short like a pixie. Although I’m nowhere near that “awkward grown out pixie” stage, I can only imagine just how annoying it’s going to be when I get there, and I honestly believe that’s one of the things you have to consider before cutting it really short. Are you ready to maintain it and style it differently? Are you ready for bad hair days during the awkward stage? If so, cut the damn thing off!
• Lastly, rocking a pixie cut has given me some of my confidence back. It’s not my hair that’s talking for me or hiding me, it’s not “societal beauty” that is making me instantly attractive. Most importantly, my hair isn’t a security blanket anymore. I’m out in the open, and at times quite exposed. It’s also teaching me that it isn’t scary to try new and exciting things, and for a person with anxieties like mine, that is a major deal. I probably would’ve regretted this decision by now. This experience is teaching me that I am in control of my life and my body, and I’m allowed to do things (like cutting my hair short) to experience something like this in my life. It’s a major step, and it’s going to be years until I start seeing some length again, but it’s not impossible!

That’s basically it. My pixie haircut has taken me on an interesting journey this past month, and I’m glad that I got the balls to actually try something like this! I know it may be too old to try and chop up all your hair now (seriously, I should’ve waited until the summer when all I want to do is go completely bald), but when that warm weather comes along, you know what to try next! 😉

Happy chopping, hair folks!

-Liz. (:

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!

It’s crazy to already be on the third day of 2019. What’s even crazier is that this is the last year of the 2010’s decade, and this time next year we’ll be in the modern roaring twenties! It’s also crazy to think that this time next year, we were wrapping up the millennium, and we were going to live to see 2010. Remember when people thought the world was going to end in 2012? Look how far we’ve gotten since then. 

2009, for me, was a year of new beginnings, new experiences, new environments; just new everything.

• In 2009, I was 15 years old. My birthday fell on a Friday this year, and my friends that knew about my birthday in high-school wished me a happy birthday, but I did have plans to go with a group of my middle school friends to the movies to see this scary movie called The Unborn. My best friend at the time shared the same birthday as me, so it was exciting to celebrate with my best friend. Plans didn’t go as planned, and I ended up staying home, celebrating my 15th birthday with my family. It was a chill and calm birthday.
• I was a freshman in high-school. My freshman year was definitely a weird one; I didn’t know anybody in the school, and I was surrounded by other classmates who were just as talented, if not more, like me. In the classroom of B25, there were 54 freshman girls and a handful of boys who got moved to another choir so that my vocal teacher can turn my class into Women’s Choir. In Women’s Choir, I was a first-soprano, which ’til this day I don’t even remember how that even happened, but it did. Through difficult coursework and some drama along the way, vocal became that last period of the day that I was looking forward to. I loved singing the songs we were learning, prepping for our first-ever debut at the Spring Concert, and really doing what I loved with people who loved doing the same thing as well. Through hard work and determination, by the end of the school year, I was granted the amazing news that I was now being transferred to the highest and most advanced choir of the vocal program: Performing Choir. I still remember being on AIM telling my best friends the greatest news I could receive as a first-year high-school student.
• Speaking about middle school friends: the transition for all of us in our different schools was harder than I thought it was going to be. Many of us were scattered in different high-schools across the borough, and with that became different personalities that my friends and I were introduced to. For me, I was very quiet and shy, and my group of friends in high-school was a mixture of all majors, but they were super smart. My friends from middle school, on the other hand, had a much more colorful variety of friends, which I didn’t mind at all. For starters, a lot of my friends were now getting into things that my prune ass is now rolling around in her grave because ya girl does these things now as an almost 25-year-old woman. Many of them experienced with weed and drinking and whatnot, and my naive, innocent ass thought I was losing my only closest friends. That summer, one of my best friends came out as bisexual and naive, stupid little ole me thought it was the end of the world. In 2009, I didn’t really know a lot about the world at 15; I wasn’t ever in a relationship, I never was peer pressured into doing anything, and I had a really black and white mindset on the world.
• I experimented on my hair a lot this year. In the 8th grade, I didn’t do anything crazy with my hair, but by the time I was in high school, I wanted to try every hairstyle and every color I could possibly do. At the time, my sister was in beauty school studying hair, so a lot of the time I was her “test dummy”, and I honestly did not mind whatsoever! To this day, I really do blame my sister for getting me so addicted to hair.
• Towards the end of 2009 when I started my sophomore year of high-school, I met this boy who I had such a crush on. He was a senior in my high-school, and he was in both my Physics class and in Performing Choir with me. Through Performing Choir, we were able to become a lot closer, and he instantly became one of my best friends towards the end of 2009. Yes, this is the same guy that is in my life 10 years later. It was exciting to have a guy in my life that was different than the other oys I’ve met throughout my middle school years. Yes, I was boy crazy in middle school and had a lot of crushes, but this one felt different. He had a style that spoke to me: plaid shirts and converse shoes. He wasn’t crazy tall and he felt gentle. To this day, he still reminds me of those qualities that I saw in him all these years ago. It’s crazy to believe that this coming October, it will be 10 years since I’ve first met him.
• Towards the very end of 2009, I got my first kiss. Yes, it was with this same boy, and I remember my best friend at the time being all giddy when she found that I had finally gotten my first kiss from a guy that I really liked! I remember getting on the train to go home that Friday afternoon, literally unable to get the smile off of my face. To this day, I don’t regret getting that first kiss. I mean, it was in a stairwell after our choir rehearsal, but it wasn’t something that I regret doing all these years later.
• On Christmas Eve, my extended family from my father’s side had a party, and all I remember about that night was that I peed myself. Yeah, a whole grown 15-year-old teenager had a goddamn accident. My folks laughed at me, and I was mortified. But it was all good; my mother allowed me and my sister to open our gifts later that night, so I was alright! I vaguely remember that one of the gifts my grandmother got me was this “Desperate Housewives” game thing… to this day I believe that shit was meant for either my sister or my mom.

And that’s about it! 2009 wasn’t that much of an eventful year, but it did leave me with a lot of lessons learned and experiences that honestly began this journey of self-growth and maturing. It’s seriously so weird to know that ten years ago, a lot has happened, yet time seriously just flew by. Let’s see what my 35-year-old self has to say about me now!

-Liz. (:

To the January 2018 Liz who felt the same level of positivity, optimism, and excitement for leaving a bad year behind and entering a complete brand new one:

Hey, girl. Congrats on seeing a brand new year.

I know how difficult 2017 was for you and how happy you are able to leave that chapter in your life in the past. You went through enough fights and anxiety to really last you a lifetime at this point. You’re probably excited to finally be entering your final semester as a grad student and to finally get a hold of your Masters degree later on this year. You worked hard, and I know you are more than ready to get up out of that school and start beginning to live your life. You’re excited for your 24th birthday that will be coming around in a week. You’re excited to see what the next 12 months have in store for you, and my dear – your dreams and goals are endless right now.

While you’re living in your “new year honeymoon phase” currently, I must warn you: you will be happy, you will be sad, you will be anxious, depressed, worried, stressed; whatever you can possibly feel, you’ll feel it. Because this year is going to be a weird one. You don’t really know what life holds for you once you wear that cap and gown and leave your life as a student behind. You don’t really know the hardships you and those closest to you will experience because things inside of you are simply changing. In simpler words: you’re going to be growing up.

You’ll be seeing life through a more realistic lens: “what type of job should I be looking for? Will I get stuck working at a job just to say I have a job?” “was I really blinded by the definition of a family my whole life, or am I now just mature enough to finally understand that my family isn’t perfect at any means?” “am I where I need to be, or am I wasting my time?” These questions will forever be on your mind this next year. You will look back and realize that you’ve lost a lot of people this year, whether they physically leave or they turn into people you don’t recognize anymore. You will feel lonely on certain days, you’re going to feel like you have absolutely no purpose in life because your life isn’t going the way as you planned earlier into the year. You’ll become suicidal, and I’m not saying this to scare you, January 2018 Liz, I’m saying this because, despite the extremely rough points of 2018, you will gain so much from it.

You will learn that although you may have a big heart, you must have that same love for yourself. You must have the same respect you have for others for yourself as well, and you have to take action when you need to take action. Later this year, you will finally swallow your pride and speak up at a doctor’s appointment and tell her that you have been experiencing really bad anxiety for the past couple of months and would like to seek professional help. When therapy doesn’t work, you will swallow your pride again and say that you are ready to take medication for your mental health. You will put your foot down more than you ever did in life; some you’ll regret, and some you’ll stand by. By the end of the year, you will look back and see just how different you are as a person, and not because you were beaten down a couple of times throughout the year, but because you grew and still remain hopeful that you will get through whatever life decides to throw at you. You will feel courageous to try new things, like speaking at an open-mic event, being a Teacher’s Assistant for a graduate class, participating at a graduate research conference, and taking your first solo trip to see an old college friend. See, despite all that’s happened, you still managed to take control of your life once again and do things that challenged you, excited you, and made you grow.

So, January 2018 Liz, hold on for the ride this year is going to take you on. Spoiler: you get through it just fine. 

Yours Truly,

January 2019 Liz.