Self-Appreciation Saturdays

Self-Appreciation Saturday. (3/4/17)

So, you’re a woman who enjoys having sex. Welcome to the club. 

I never spoke about my sexuality because, well, it was never something that was discussed properly when I was younger. I’m 23 and still to this day, I don’t have these long, elaborate talks with my sister about my sex life. It’s just too awkward for me.

But just because I don’t speak about it, doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of it.

Truth of the matter is, yes, I am like many women in the world who are sexually active; I enjoy having sex.

But how many women will actually admit they do? At a young age, we are taught that “losing your virginity” is such a life-altering thing that should be kept sacred until marriage, yet we tell boys to “simply use protection” whenever they decide to have sex.

Women who embrace their sexuality are quickly called sluts. Whores. Hoes. What’s the term to describe a man who embraces his sexuality? A man. 

It will always baffle me to know that there are people out there who will call a woman a slut for liking to have sex, but look past it when a man admits he likes to have sex as well. It’s kinda the same way society says about fat people: “fat people are ugly and skinny people are pretty, despite the fact that they are both still human beings”. 

I lost “my virginity” when I was a teenager. When I first “lost it”, I felt the after-effects of being a teenage girl who had sex for the first time. “Oh, she lost her virginity to a senior and she’s a sophomore; she must be easy. Wow, she gave it up already? She’s a hoe”. I felt my closest friends at the time judging me because I decided to have sex for the first time. Because of the reputation that sex does to a teenage girl, I didn’t publicly admit to being sexually active until I was 21. That was just two years out of the 7 that I’ve been sexually active. I honestly thought that admitting to it would label me as a slut for the rest of my high-school career, and even once I got to college.

I let the stigma of being a sexually active woman affect the way I embraced it. Since I started to, I don’t regret anything that I do or say.

Embracing sexuality is different for every individual woman. Some may see sex has being a very natural thing that can occur with anyone at anytime, and others may see sex has being a very connective and intimate thing to do. Some are both. I definitely view sex has being a very intimate and sensual thing to do with someone you connect with.

I’ve had my fair share of fooling around with people who I liked, but it never resorted to sex. Ironically enough, the person who I lost my virginity too is still the same person I’m currently sexually active with, and he’s been the only one I’ve been active with.

That doesn’t mean I don’t respect the women who’ve had multiple partners. It’s all about what you believe for yourself and what are your morals and values for yourself. I’ve learned over the years that everyone is going to have their perspective and preference when it comes to sex, and that’s fine. What’s not fine, is saying these things to other women just because society said so:

  1. “Losing your virginity” is not a not real thing. No, a penis does not take this thing labeled “virginity” inside your vagina and suck it out like vacuum cleaner (wow, that was vivid…), because a virginity is not something that you have inside you that you are born with. Many girls and women, including myself at one point, would blame themselves for losing it so soon and start to feel like they are the things society labels sexually active women. Listen, some people are ready at 16 like I was, and some people are ready when they are 21. It doesn’t matter. Stop wishing or regretting “losing your virginity” because it does not exist. You just had sex for the first time. That’s it.
  2. You aren’t a “slut” or a “whore” if you enjoy having sex. Again, these words are socially constructed to label women who “step out of their societal role” and honestly, those words are so overrated. Women, you are allowed to enjoy having sex, I mean why wouldn’t you? Sex is supposed to be a pleasurable thing for both male and females, so why act like you don’t do it or enjoy it? If you’re open about your sexuality, more power to you. You’re a natural living organism who enjoys doing natural living organism things. That’s it.
  3. Just because you’ve had multiple partners doesn’t mean you’re “easy” or your vagina is “loose”. Again, people had different perspectives of what sex is, and if a women thinks having sex is just as natural as a man think it is, then stop calling her easy. A women who’ve had multiple partners does not mean she fucks anything with a penis. People have these assumptions of women with previous multiple partners because of the way media portrays women who do. You have Maury and Jerry Springer and every other crazy daytime show that depicts women in this light that they are sleazy and easy, and apparently sleep with so many men, they don’t know who their baby’s father is. Also, MEN: stop believing that a women with previous multiple partners has “whack pussy” because it’s “loose”. Anatomically, a vagina tends to only “loosen” when you have kids, and even then it’s not to the exaggeration that most men depict “loose” vaginas. Just how all penises come in different sizes, so does vagina. Just saying.
  4. Religious ladies: stop looking down at the women who have sex before marriage. I don’t discriminate towards the women who decide to wait until marriage to have sex. Good for you, girl. Just because you decide to wait doesn’t mean that those who don’t are “spawns of Satan” and “unholy” or not pure anymore. It also doesn’t mean you are better and more classy than the women who have sex before marriage. It just means you’re waiting for marriage to finally have sex and you’re the same amount of woman as those who don’t wait. Again, we are all human.
  5. Non-religious ladies: stop looking down at the women who wait until marriage. The same thing goes to us women who didn’t wait until marriage. Women who wait aren’t uptight or “too ugly to get some”, they are simply waiting because that’s their religion. Don’t knock it.
  6. Just because you like doing more than traditional missionary, doesn’t make you a “slut” or a “nasty bitch”. Over the years, I’ve done things that I never knew I would like doing, and I’m proud to say that they’re probably some of my favorite things to do during intercourse. Sex is not like the movies where the woman is constantly on her back and the man is putting in all the work on top. Sex is spontaneous, sometimes rough, filthy, porn-like, and that’s fine. Listen, if you’re only being freaky and nasty to the one you’re involved with, I don’t see the problem. The quicker you admit you like more than the traditional, the more spicy your sex life becomes.
  7. Yes, fat girls can embrace their sexuality too and feel confident doing it. I am not the skinniest person. I have ass and thighs and stomach and rolls and yes, jiggling happens. All that doesn’t mean that fat girls can’t enjoy sex or embrace it? A lot of people, especially in today’s society, think that fat girls do not have sex because they’re fat. You’d be surprised how much we do though. I am proudly a fat girl who embraces my sexuality and feels super confident in myself doing it. Don’t let “beauty standards” affect the way you view sex and how to do it. You’re human whether you’re fat or not.
  8. On a serious note, don’t allow people to sexually harass you just because you embrace your sexuality. Listen, NO MEANS NO. Just because a woman has sex a lot or is open about her sexual life, doesn’t mean she condones unwanted sex. If a man tries to have sex with you and his reasoning behind why he won’t stop trying to get into your pants is “what’s wrong? I thought you like having sex”, kick him in his balls and leave. Seriously. Again, people who embrace their sexuality are human, with real human emotions.
  9. Lastly, don’t allow people to tell you how you should feel about sex. Sex, although something very modern, is still viewed as being this very traditional thing where women have to be submissive and men are the animals and blah blah blah. If someone tells you that what you like to do is “unladylike” or “gross”, I say screw them.  Sex is whatever sex is to you. If it’s sensual, gentle, passionate; cool. If it’s rough, vigorous, and kinky; cool. Don’t allow anyone’s judgement make you feel like you’re having sex wrong or you like doing the wrong things “for a woman”. Do what you like to do!

It’s 2017; let women embrace sex the way that they naturally want to. If we can let men embrace their sexuality and explore it, then we can let women too.

For the last time, we’re human. We’re all human.

-Liz (: