A Personal Blog.
Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!
I know it’s been a hot minute since you’ve seen some new music on the blog (and trust me, the music has definitely changed since the last one), so instead of just picking a few, I’ll show my entire playlist of things I’m bumping to!
I hope you guys find some gems to add to your playlist, and enjoy them this weekend! See you guys tomorrow!
-Liz. (:
Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!
If you’ve only got to know me in the past year and a half through TNTH, then you probably didn’t know that I used to write poetry back in high-school/early college. Poetry was my form of escape through my depression six years ago, and honestly, because of that sadness I had inside of me, it made me write some pretty sick (in both ways) poems that to this day are untouchable. Nowadays, I don’t write poetry because I’m simply just horrible at it, plus I had some really discouraging people in my life at the time who told me my writing sucked…
Anyway, I thought it would be fun to “react” to a poem I wrote back when I was 18. Warning: it’s dramatic, it’s dark, but it’s possibly the poem that suggested me being more than just an “angsty teen”.
This poem was simply entitled. “Elizabeth”.
Continue reading “Day 9: 24-Year-Old Liz Reacts to A Poem Written by 18-Year-Old Liz.”
Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH.
A couple of weeks ago, the internet found out that on July 23rd, Demi Lovato was rushed to the hospital after being found unconscious in her home due to an apparent overdose. While sites believed it was due to heroin, sources close to Lovato claim that it wasn’t heroin, but quite possibly a mix of opioids and meth.
Prior to this incident, Demi Lovato released a song only a month before, entitled “Sober“, which she admits that she relapsed after six years of her sobriety. Many of her fans were shocked, supportive, and yes, even disappointed that she would go back to living a life that she advocated against, but many people concluded the song to be an apology and the start of getting herself clean once again. So when the news broke out about her overdose in late July, many were shocked, even scared that Demi would be the next Lil Peep. Whitney Houston. Amy Winehouse, especially since July 23rd would’ve made 7 years since Winehouse’s death at 27.
On August 6th, Demi released a post on Instagram stating the following:
Anyone who follows Demi and her journey. or personally knows someone dealing with addiction knows what Demi said is true: addiction doesn’t just disappear or fade with time. It’s a constant battle you have to fight with. You don’t have to be addicted to drugs or alcohol for it to be considered an addiction. People could be addicted to food, sex, people, pretty much anything, and overcoming any addiction on the spectrum is extremely difficult and it never goes away. You find yourself trying to control the way you eat, but find yourself just eating everything one night? You find yourself promising your significant other you won’t cheat on them, but then sleep with a random girl you found at the club that night? You find yourself completely hanging out with the wrong crowd, yet always go back to them because of the memories and connections you had? These things are all forms of relapsing, and we can’t expect people who deal with drug and alcohol addictions to just get clean and stay off of it for the rest of their lives; it’s merely impossible and very unrealistic to expect that from them.
I personally deal with family who have addictions of their own and who either fight them to be healthier or ignore them whenever they please. Seeing it around me, I know how it feels to be sick and tired of seeing those with addictions continuously going about their days doing the things that are hurting them. You ask yourself how hard could it be to just stop doing it. You get mad that those people can’t stop their addictions. You ultimately give up on those people when they “disappoint” you time and time again. While I’m not excusing addicts for their behavior, I’m simply saying that if you try to overpower your addiction and fail to do so time and time again, that doesn’t mean you failed as a person. It means you’re a fucking human being. If you relapse, don’t sulk in your failures of staying clean and healthy. Keep fighting your battles, keep talking about your battles, and have supportive people around you who are willing to support your battles.
What happened to Demi Lovato was a tragedy; fans of her could’ve easily lost the person that got many of them to take care of their mental health and possible addictions. The music industry would’ve lost a powerhouse voice, that’s for sure. Many of our great singers and actors lost their lives due to their addictions; it just comes to show that these things can happen to anyone, no matter what status you may be on. One thing is for certain: we have to keep talking about these sorts of things in our everyday lives. We can’t wait to see the next celebrity on the front page of every website in order for us to start talking about the importance again. No matter what day it is, talk about these things and help people realize that they aren’t alone and that there is help out there!
*If you or anyone you know has a drug/substance abuse problem, please seek up at the 24/7 National Drug Hotline on their website. People are more than willing to help you out get the help that you may need.
-Liz. (:
Hey guys, welcome back to TNTH.
Yeah, I know, it’s another mental health related post. I get it. Maybe that’s what you guys are thinking, or maybe that’s just my misconception and just my worries talking because let’s face it for the umpteenth time: I have some severe anxiety.
Not everyone in my life knows this, but there are some who know my anxiety to the exact extent. I guess what I’m trying to say to you (and to myself ) that I shouldn’t care if I’m sharing too much about myself or too much about my anxiety; this is a very important part of my life and it’s a very real part as I’m trying to deal with it, and life that continues to go on around me.
I should’ve saved this topic as a voiceless rant, but let’s save that post for something more positive and upbeat…
Anyway, things with me personally haven’t been the greatest. I’ve gotten into arguments with those around me, I’m anxious way more than I used to be, and my mental health seems to be taking a detour from the road to recovery. The journey has not been easy for me.
Before I started to get more in deep with therapy, I had a conversation with my mother about the potential use of medication to help ease with my anxiety. Already having a family member on medication for their own personal reasons, I’ve singlehandedly saw how life was before and after the medication for this person. In my opinion, it hasn’t been that bad. I’ve seen improvements here and there and to a certain degree, I see this person being a lot stronger than I am since starting. Again, I could be completely wrong, but on the outside, I saw a difference. But I brought up this situation with my mother telling her the opposite: I didn’t want to take medication for my anxiety.
Continue reading “Day 7: Let’s Talk About Mental Health Medication.”
Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!
It’s only right to start off this week with a mantra!
As I’ve been trying to get through each day as smoothly as possible, I realize that sometimes quotes really do have some powerful meanings, and sometimes you have to hear it (or read it) in order to follow it moving forward. Today’s mantra is simply the following: “life’s too short to wait.”
I say this only because of the hardships I’m personally going through. I’m having an extremely hard time growing up, in all honesty. It’s hard for me to start seeing my life than more than what it is and what it has been. It’s hard for me to grow up these last couple of months because I truly feel like it’s now time I put on my big girl pants and start doing adult things I’ve never done before. Plus, the older I get, the realization that everyone else does too becomes more of a reality.
As I’m writing this (which is two weeks before its actual post date), my grandfather is battling cancer. The last time I heard his voice was the day of my Master’s graduation and he was perfectly fine. By the end of June, he had gotten really sick and now at the end of July, he doesn’t have much time left to live. Time flew by, and we always take it for granted.
Edit: My grandfather’s battle with cancer ended on July 24th, 2018.
So please, life is too short to go to bed angry, to hold grudges, to not see the people you love, and to not take care of yourself. Life’s too short to wait for things to happen to you, you gotta make things happen. Once you let time navigate your life, you’ll realize just how much you’ve missed waiting.
-Liz. (:
Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH.
Since I’m a huge fan of YouTube and their creators, I’ve also recognized that there are creators on their platform that are very problematic. *cough-LoganPaul-cough*
The thing about being a YouTube creator is that nine out of the ten times you’re uploading, you’re going to have some influence on the audience that you target. For example: if you’re a gamer that focuses on Five Nights at Freddy’s gameplay, lore, and updates on its creator, you are most likely going to target a younger audience of kids who are into the game. If you’re a beauty guru that vlogs all these cool and hip events in Downtown L.A, you’re most likely are targeting young women (and men) who are into beauty and makeup and all that jazz. Of course, your audience isn’t defined in that one circle of viewers, but the way you’re going to get new viewers is targeting to the things they like. If the majority of your audience finds you being their go-to YouTuber to review makeup palettes, you’re catering to that specific audience.
I say this because I truly believe some creators go on YouTube without realizing they’re pretty much selling their souls to the internet. You could be the most authentic person in your videos, but your viewers could have a hard time connecting with you, which they will easily conclude you as “being fake”.
I say this with one YouTuber in mind: Simply Kenna. Personally, I don’t support her so if you want to go and watch her videos after reading this, you could find her yourself. “Simply Kenna”, or McKenna, is a YouTuber who first got noticed because of her “aesthetically pleasing” looking Instagram page. It seemed like at first, people really enjoyed her content, and her subscriber count began to grow. People were able to connect with her until she started to get really comfortable on YouTube and started to share things that offended viewers and targeted audiences. Again, there’s a whole lot of videos that can catch you up on every problematic thing she’s done and said, so I advise you just find one and watch it.
What I want to talk about is McKenna during the last couple of months. Because most of her income comes from being an online presence, she has to keep her followers entertained. Every season, this girl changes her look, and her aesthetic. In the last year, McKenna has been very vocal about her interests in anime, which then expanded into BTS, which then expanded into everything about the East Asian culture. She’s traveled to Japan twice thus far, and since her travels, her interests in the Japanese culture have become more than just interests. It’s gotten to a point where she purposely tries to make herself appear East Asian through various photo apps, which people have started to call her out on.
People began to categorize her “appreciation of Japanese culture” as her “fetishizing” it. She has tried countless times again to use her “aro/ace” sexuality to defend how she can’t possibly fetishize Japan and its culture because she can’t feel sexual desires towards anything.
Girl, come on now.
I bring this up simply because this girl has a large following. She is an influencer. She chose to have this type of life and the message she is putting out there is a very problematic one. There is nothing wrong liking other things from another culture; many Americans are now starting to enjoy listening to K-Pop music (because of BTS, obviously) as a genre of music. Many people like to watch anime and the Japanese culture. But once you start enjoying something that isn’t a part of your own culture, it is only right to do some research behind it. I started to listen to K-Pop music (mainly girl groups) because the music was catchy and these girls are crazy talented. Because I like listening to them and watching them on South Korean variety shows, I also had to learn that K-Pop groups are only widely successful because they hold their groups on extremely strict rules and have them on extremely tight schedules. It’s honestly something that these young girls signed their lives away to, and the conditions these groups have to sometimes work in are extremely harsh. But, that’s honestly just a part of their culture that we, as Westerners, don’t always see.
People who appreciate a culture know that what they like isn’t the overall image. No, Black Culture isn’t just Drake and Cardi B, it’s years of violence and oppression that Black Americans are still going through. Japanese culture isn’t just Tokyo and “Kawaii” things, it’s a history of depression and high rates of suicide due to mental health being widely unacceptable and demeaning. Also, appreciating a culture also means that you, as a person that is not of that specific culture, are not trying to become a member of that said culture. No cornrows, head wraps, or blackface to fit in that culture.
McKenna is trying to convince to her following that what she is doing to the Japanese culture isn’t harmful or demeaning in any way, and what she’s doing is “appreciating” it. That’s extremely dangerous in a world where there are people who get murdered, stereotyped, and degraded for looking a certain way and being who they are. Yet we have white people calling it “fashion” or “appreciation”.
Honestly, if you feel the need to become completely immersed in a culture where you have to sit down and edit a photo of yourself to look like another race is beyond fetishizing. It’s mockery. You are showing insecure and naive followers who haven’t yet discovered themselves looking at that pretty edited picture wanting to look and be like that. That’s the sad thing about this all: she is not just some random girl from the street who culture appropriates on her own time. She’s not just making herself look like a fool. She is putting thousands of other girls and guys in danger because they see their influencer being able to look a certain way without any acknowledgment on her part that what she’s doing is wrong.
At the end of the day, use your platform to inform and express things that we, as an audience, can do to make a change in what’s going on. Hey, instead of just broadcasting a whole new makeup line and tell your audience to go out and buy it, tell them some information about the product that will be useful for them. What skin complexions/textures does it work for? Is there a cheaper dupe out there if the product is too expensive to purchase for viewers on a budget? Your viewers want to still be able to connect with you even after you “made it big”. Yeah, you worked your ass off to get where you’re at, and flaunt your shit, but stay true to yourself and your authenticity.
Then, it wouldn’t be so hard to be yourself.
-Liz. (:
Hey, guys, welcome back to TNTH.
I wanted to write this post because I believe this affects a lot of people in our generation; not just those who suffer from anxiety disorders. I’ve recently been watching a lot of people online and in my neighborhood discuss various things that have happened within the last month, and these things have been happening since the year started, to be honest. We could all pretty much admit that the first major thing in the year that had everyone’s eyes wide open was the mass shooting that killed 17 people in Parkland, Florida at Stoneman Douglas High School back in February. Since then, things have piled on top of each other since then. The latest event that has everyone in complete shock is the fact that a four-year-old girl got ran over by a car who didn’t even think twice to turning back to see what they had hit, while the mother of the child was simply tieing her shoe. Also, it’s been said that the person who ran over the kid has a family member who is in authority, and threatened the mother to call ICE on her if she pressed charges. Whether it is true or not, it’s still a goddamn scenario that could easily be played out.
One thing that hit close to home was of the incident that happened in The Bronx on June 15th. Fifteen-year-old Lesandro “Junior” Guzman-Feliz was brutally murdered in front of a bodega by a group of guys with a machete and left him on the sidewalk to die. This 15-year-old kid got himself up, ran down the back where the hospital was, and died inched away from the hospital. On top of that, the entire thing was recorded on cameras outside of the bodega with people passing by, looking at these guys drag this boy outside on the sidewalk. It’s disgusting, and extremely triggering to anyone.
What sickens me the most about these type of news events is that there is always a video of the violence happening on camera. There are two videos of two different children getting killed all over the internet, and nobody is looking away.
The news culture has become a place of the grotesque; it’s now a game of “who can report the most gruesome events of the day faster“. We see people getting shot and murdered in videos, we see people getting stabbed to death in videos, and I guess we reached a new low: watching children get killed.
As a person who constantly thinks of the “what-if” scenarios on a day-to-day basis, these type of things are extremely triggering to my well-being. Those kids in that high-school shooting didn’t know their Valentine’s Day was going to end up the way it did. Junior did not think he wasn’t going to see the next day when dropping off bus fare to a friend down the block from where he lives. That mother did not know she was going to lose her child when she put the laundry together and took her to do laundry with her. These people did not know their last days would be like the way they ended up being, and I know I am not any different. Events like this make people not want to send their children to public schools because they’re afraid that their child isn’t going to return home from school at 3pm and instead receive a phone call from the police asking to identify a child they found dead. In all honesty, people are more afraid to go out to fun events (especially after the Manchester shooting in England after Ariana Grande’s concert) because these fun events could come with a price of your life. I’m not saying things like this haven’t happened in the past, I honestly believe it’s the way news outlets report these type of things.
Let’s take the Boston Marathon bombers in 2013 for instance:
After reporting the Boston Marathon news for almost a week, most news outlets interrupted their regular programming to report live at a literal hide and seek game between the bombers and the SWAT team. They tracked the guys down and followed them, found them, surrounded them, and killed one of them in an entire day. It was literally like watching a scene from an action movie. To this day, I never understood why it was necessary to report minute by minute on a tragedy that affected hundreds and their families. Yeah, it’s news (and important news) at that, but showing such triggering an unsettling footage isn’t “letting the news be known”. It’s (to an extent) glorifying the event. It’s why so many recent mass shooters who stay alive after the incidents claim they are inspired by past mass shooters who had their name known for weeks on end and now for the rest of everyone’s lives.
I’ve been terrified to go to certain places in my life because of the stories I hear and see on a day-to-day basis. I avoid certain areas in my own borough in NYC because of all the crazy and violent things that I hear happening there. While there are people who are able to watch these kinds of things and still live on with their lives, there are people who live in fear because of them, and it causes us to develop conditions that you wouldn’t even think of happening a couple of years ago.
I mean, I was told that I could be a possible agoraphobic.
Now, I’m not saying that you should be oblivious to the outside world and not care what goes on; that just shows your ignorance and avoidance to some really serious issues going on in the world. Plus, it’s impossible to avoid the news in this day and age where the news is on every platform and screen you interact with. Sadly, it’s something you can’t just avoid and to all intensive purposes, you shouldn’t.
What I’m saying is that if you deal with constant thoughts of worst-case scenarios and you function the way you do because of these scenarios, take some time to breathe and recollect yourself. You don’t have to read pages and pages of breaking news. You don’t need to watch these videos of the violence on every social platform. You don’t need to know, hear, and see everything about a very triggering event, and that’s completely okay. Knowing every little detail and having knowledge about an event are two different things. Inform yourself, don’t harm yourself.
As to those who still get very affected by these events and don’t live with these “what-if” scenarios constantly on your mind, just turning away from the media once in awhile is good for your mental health. Take time for yourself during these moments of negativity. Also, know that you can’t live your life completely avoiding the world, and we as people can only hope that we are able to live on to see our dreams and futures potentially playing out in reality.
As for those like me, we’ll be alright.
-Liz. (:
I can’t lie and say that I wasn’t nervous to see my family. The last time we all got together was for New Year’s Eve, and the cold, freezing weather had all of us feeling on edge and irritated. That was exactly 7 months ago. We’d normally never wait this long to see each other, but for reason, none of us really spoke to one another the first half of the year. It wasn’t until my grandfather got sick in late-June. On June 24th, we found out he has cancer. On July 24th, he passed away. The day after he passed away, my family finally planned a trip to Pennsylvania to visit my grandmother for support and company during this difficult time in her life. I can’t lie and say that I wasn’t upset at my family for not making sure we all saw each other more often. I was very upset that it took a death of my grandfather to drop everything and come together. Nowadays, it feels like it takes a death to be reunited with family.
We left for Pennsylvania early in the morning; the drive to my grandmother’s house is almost, almost, a 3-hour drive; that’s if we decide to stop for a bathroom break which is always a yes. Throughout the car ride, I couldn’t help but think how this weekend was going to play out. On a normal occasion, we would be greeted by both of my grandparents and their dog, Foxy. We would eat lunch as soon as we walk in. To know that wasn’t the case this time around was weird; I didn’t expect for it to be what it was really going to be.
We pulled up to my grandmother’s property; you could hear Foxy’s little dog bark through the porch windows. We didn’t see my grandmother until we actually all got out and started to take our bags from the car trunk. My sister was the first to hug my grandmother. My grandmother immediately started crying and hugged my sister as tight as possible. I teared up watching them. I hugged her and I felt how heartbroken she was. I didn’t expect my grandmother to look the way she did; she’s normally strong and happy to see her grandkids. That same energy wasn’t there this time, and that’s when I knew I haven’t grieved my grandfather enough. I had more to think about as I was up there.
On a lighter note, I saw my first bear! He came around to eat some fallen apples from my grandmother’s apple tree in the back of her property. It only took 16 years since I’ve been going there to see a bear!
Later on in the day, my aunt and uncle wanted to take my grandmother out to eat for her birthday which was earlier that week. That’s another thing: my grandmother turned 73 last Thursday; two days after my grandfather passed away. For as many birthdays has my grandmother has left, she is left reminded that the man she loved for the last 19 years passed away just days before. I understood my grandmother’s wish of not wanting us to celebrate her birthday that weekend. We didn’t, but we did take her out to eat at a nice little restaurant in Milford, Pennsylvania. The food was delicious, the atmosphere was friendly, and it felt nice to be around family after so long. When our drinks came out, my uncle picked his glass up and simply said, “let’s toast.” We all picked up our glasses, and he said, “For Ray.”
That night, I felt a tidal wave of emotions hit me. Everyone was in their rooms already taking some time for themselves, and I called my partner to try to calm myself down. I hated seeing my grandmother so upset and so stressed out. I hated seeing my aunt and my mother worry about her. We all were, and after hearing some personal things throughout the day, everything was tieing itself in my throat. I had to take the advice of my therapist and not be afraid to grieve. Cry it out. The one who’s passed wants to be remembered. I thought I had grieved already, but it was different actually being up in Pennsylvania, in his house. Seeing all the pictures of him and my grandmother smiling and happy. It’s heartbreaking. It’s such a different stage of grieving that I never got to feel with a loved one.
Sunday was an absolutely beautiful day weather-wise. It wasn’t too hot and it wasn’t humid; something me as a New Yorker haven’t experienced since… May? Anyway, I spent most of my day on Sunday outside either playing “Yazy”; a bootleg version of the game “Yahtzee”, or that triangle thing with the holes and the pegs… this thing. Anyway, I pretty much stayed on the porch for most of the day; I watched my sister give both my mother and my grandmother haircuts that afternoon. The boys in the family went mini-golfing for the afternoon, so the ladies (and Foxy) stayed in the house to relax. I was content and at peace for once in a really long time; maybe that was just the vacation speaking in me, but for once, I didn’t want to go back to NYC the following morning. Every time I’m in Pennsylvania, I’m a lot more calm and peaceful than I usually am in the city. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m escaping my reality when I’m up there. Maybe it’s just the beautiful scenery I don’t get to see often. To this day, I don’t know what actually calms me down up there.
While I was outside during the day, my sister had started to give my grandmother a well-needed haircut. Because we were waiting for the bear to come back out again since we first saw him yesterday, we were all looking out into the field on my grandmother’s property. Some deer came and went with her babies getting apples, but then one came immensely close to the deck where we were sitting and started staring at my grandmother. She had asked both my sister and me who the deer was staring at, and it was clear as day that it was staring at her. The deer didn’t look away until a minute or two passed. My family and I believe that when a loved one passes away, they come back to visit in some shape or form. We all had a thought that possibly maybe that deer was our grandfather, looking and checking on our grandmother and see how she is doing. Now there are some things I don’t believe in, but coincidences such as that are scary. My mother has made it known that whenever a pigeon would land on our windowsill and just stay there, she believed it was her father who came to check up on her. I don’t know what would my uncle come back as, but there have been times where I felt some sort of presence in my house. It’s really weird and freaky, but it’s calming to know that loved ones who pass can still check up on you and see how you are doing.
Since we are an Italian family, it wouldn’t be right if we didn’t have pasta as our family Sunday dinner dish. My aunt made her infamous meatballs and spaghetti sauce (in which she cooks almost all day like a real Italian) and by the time dinner was ready, I was starving. We all ate in the dining room as usual, but instead of there being 9 seats, there were only 8. Dinner was silent; it’s something we never experienced during a family lunch or dinner. Whether we are in New Jersey at my aunt’s house or we’re in Pennsylvania at our grandparent’s house, our family dinners were always talkative and funny. That reason, I soon realized, was because my grandfather was the one who would start off the conversation and who would crack all the jokes. Maybe it wasn’t the occasion to do that this time (we didn’t celebrate anything that had passed recently; no junior high school graduation celebration for my youngest cousin, no grad school graduation celebration for me, and no 16th birthday celebration for my oldest cousin). Dinner was delicious, but the atmosphere felt heavy, and I knew I wasn’t the only one who felt it. Quickly after dinner, my grandmother went outside to grieve on her own, and again it was hard for me to see her like that. Knowing after tonight she would be eating dinner on her own the following day after we left was extremely heartbreaking.
The weekend trip to Pennsylvania was now coming to an end and it was now time to gather our stuff to head back to the city. It was a gloomy and chilly Monday morning; it felt like the type of weather you feel in the beginning of April or something. We packed all of our things, my sister and I played with Foxy for a bit, we had breakfast and by the time it was 8 o’clock, we said our goodbyes. The goodbye to my grandmother was extremely hard this time around; in the recent years, they’ve gotten harder. I knew that my grandparents were getting older and every time we got to see them was a blessing; I just wish we all knew that the last time we got to see my grandfather in person and in good health that we knew it was going to be our last. My grandparents never got to see any of us as often as they liked only because of busy schedules and the distance from the city to the countryside of Pennsylvania. Winters were extremely hard to get together because they would get an immense amount of snow that made it hard for them to come down to the city to see us. Anyway, this goodbye was hard because my grandmother was sad to be alone again. She has people visiting her every other day nowadays since my grandfather’s death, but there’s nothing like having your own kids be by your side while you’re grieving such a loss. Although it was heard to say goodbye, we made sure it wouldn’t be the last one for a really long time.
In two weeks, my grandfather’s side of the family is putting together a memorial for him in New Jersey. To pay our respects my family is attending this service, so it felt good to know that the next time we were going to see our family wasn’t just up in the air like it usually is. Although they are putting on a memorial, my grandfather didn’t want to have a funeral. My grandfather was a very honest man, he wasn’t afraid to say what was on his mind despite what other people might take it. He believed funerals were all a sham; people would rather come and visit you while you’re dead than alive, and that’s the honest truth about life. He and my grandmother decided they wanted to be cremated, so my grandfather got cremated earlier this week. He told my grandmother that he wanted some of his ashes spread around the treehouse he built over a decade ago, and for her to keep the rest of them.
Life isn’t going to be easy for my family these next couple of months, and we don’t know how the future is going to turn out for us, but we knew that the memories we have of my grandfather will be a lot easier to laugh at than cry. We know that we will be able to make new memories and redefine some new traditions in light of this tragedy. In a sense, my grandfather brought my family and me closer, and that’s honestly all he ever wanted.
Rest in Peace, Grandpa.
-Liz. (:
Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!
Remember the good ole days when you either had to call your friends on the house phone to have a conversation or wait to get on the computer to go on AIM and talk to your friends like that? Remember when MySpace was really the only popular social media platform people were on, and even then they weren’t on it every minute of their lives? Honestly, I miss those days. I miss the days where people were sorta on the internet on their spare time, yet knew when to sign off and engage with the world. Cellphones weren’t as advanced as they are now, and sending text messages cost you if you didn’t have a contract. Nowadays, people are glued to their phones, the million different social media apps, and are hooked to the point where there is an actual disorder in the DSM-5 to categorize those who literally can’t live without their phones.
Like, when did we become like this, and is this the way we want to live our lives?
Social media is a disease, and I didn’t realize it was until just recently. I can’t lie, I loved my social media accounts; I was creative when taking selfies, I was carefree and comedic on my Snapchat, I was able to write how I felt on Twitter, and I was able to share my TNTH posts on Facebook! Social media isn’t a bad idea, and quite frankly it’s not social media’s fault; it’s ours. We abuse the fuck out of social media. We abuse it, these platforms try to compete with one another to stay on top of the game, and we’re left with four different platforms that started off to be different things now all being able to live-stream whenever the fuck we want.
Still not convinced to break up with your social media? Here are five reasons why you should:
Of course, I’m not saying to completely ditch your platforms if you can’t. I understand if your social media platforms help you reach out to your audience on your creative projects. Just know when to turn it off for some quality time with yourself and those around you.
Enjoy life away from the screen for awhile.
*Post-note: I’ve written other posts like this in the past, so if you need more validation on why you should break up with social media, here are some.
-Liz. (:
Hey, guys welcome back to TNTH!
Today is the first day of the month-long series, Blogust. For those who are reading this all confused and wondering what on Earth is a “Blogust”, it’s when I blog every single day for the month of August, hence why it’s called Blogust.
I want to start off with a reintroduction of myself because the last one was when the blog first started out, and a lot has changed since then. Plus, this allows me to start off anew and embrace parts of myself that I’ve been trying to change for the longest of time because let’s face it, we are not all perfect beings, but we wish we were.
Anyway, without further ado… Hi! I’m Liz!
While other people my age are yearning to leave NYC to live somewhere else, I cannot see myself being anywhere else besides NYC. A lot of people who are not native New Yorkers find themselves falling for a fantasy image of it; bright lights, Broadway shows, Christmas at Rockafeller Center, and everything else that portrays this perfect image of the city. More people out of state are moving here, and still expect it to be this perfect place when really, it isn’t. It’s dirty most of the time, it’s smelly in the summertime, there are homeless people traveling with you on subway carts, and native New Yorkers live their lives in a rush. I don’t like NYC for the fantasy image it portrays: I never went to see the Christmas Tree in Rockafeller Center, I never went to Times Square to see the ball drop on New Year’s Eve, I never went to see the Thanksgiving Day parade in person, and I’ve been to only 4 Broadway shows in the 24 years I’ve been living. I love NYC because it’s my home. I love NYC for what it is behind closed doors, and being a New Yorker defines me as a person. Me getting up to move somewhere else is me having to find myself all over again.
As much as I like to write my whole life on here, it’s extremely hard for me to open up to people I am not comfortable with. I always thought I was an open book and to a certain extent, I am. I am first to shout to the world that I am this and I am that, but admitting it to people face-to-face is what I lack in. I don’t know if that’s me protecting myself from the judgment of other people, but even to the people who never did judge me are out of the loop sometimes. In a way, I feel as if I’m protecting myself from myself, if that makes any sense. I feel like if I don’t say nothing and pretend I’m okay, I could trick myself into being okay. Yeah, it’s extremely unhealthy, but I’ve accepted I could only work on that aspect, and not change it. It’s a personality trait I think I have to spend time with in order to change it, but I’ve been like that for years and I don’t think it will ever change. I can always improve it, y’know?
I’ve become extremely self-aware, and I’m proud that I did, despite popular belief. I’ve always known the type of person I was, and I always had a good grasp of the things that made me, me. But I used to ignore the bad things; pretended that they didn’t exist or I was able to fix them. The truth of the matter is that once I decided to acknowledge these negative things, I got a better picture of the things that I wanted versus the things that I needed. Because of that, I’ve been on this road of self-recovery that I felt like was the right time in my life. Any sooner would’ve left me back at square one. Any later would’ve left me depressed.
I like to believe that my zodiac sign is the reason why my work ethic is the way it is. While I was in college and grad school, I was extremely hard-working, especially in the classes that I liked the most, obviously. As stressful it was, I liked the challenge it brought me and I like the doors that opened for me while in my studies. I was never the straight-A student that got honors on everything, but I was good enough to my own standards. I was proud of the work that I put into any project and/or final paper, and I always strived to be one of the best, if not the best. And I think that goes back to my competitive Capricorn trait, in all honesty. I always wanted to be the best, or on the top – whether it was in academics, singing, dancing, acting – whether it was. If I knew I was good at something, I wanted to be the best at it, and it’s honestly a blessing and a curse. I know I can’t always be on the top, but it also pushes me to do better. I like that about myself and I very much do blame my Capricorness for my very strong work ethic.
I have Social Anxiety Disorder, and I’ve suspected it for a very long time. As a kid, I was very outgoing, and I was able to make some good friends in primary school and in middle school, and I wasn’t afraid to speak up or tell someone the truth despite if it hurt their feelings or not. Once I got older, things changed: friendships were harder to keep, I became very private about my feelings to try to save myself from judgment or embarrassment. By the time I hit my 20’s, I didn’t have a solid group of friends, and I liked being alone for most of my days. Once I started grad school, I started to think about everything else coming my way, my anxiety worsened, and here I am today trying to get through it. It hasn’t been an easy couple of months since coming to terms with it, and it’s something I’m trying to manage while still living my life as a 24-year-old young adult trying to find my purpose in life. It’s something I have and yeah, it doesn’t define me – but it’s something I live with every day and it’s something I have to embrace in order to cope. So, here I am.
I’m not what you all a “beauty guru” or a “fashionista” and half of that has to do with the fact that I wasn’t raised having a lot of money in my family. In certain cases, some of my clothes were hand-me-downs from my sister, or they were clothes that were simple, comfortable, and cheap. I used to shop at my local Rainbow Shop for all of my clothes, I was a kid who rocked Payless sneakers and sandals all day long; I was never the type to want something that was name brand. Although, I was very big on electronic things. I wanted to try every Nintendo device and game that came out, I wanted the newest iPod everyone had, and of course, I wanted to see what life was like having an iPhone, which didn’t happen until I was 21. Either or, I was still never wanting to wear fancy clothes or shoes or wear high-end makeup because that simply just wasn’t me. To this day, you’ll find me in some target shorts, a t-shirt, and no makeup. Not knocking anyone who lives life the opposite, I’m just saying I was just… absent with fashion and beauty stuff.
On a regular day, you will find me watching YouTube videos of people playing games and making funny commentary on it like a 13-year-old boy who still thinks the word “penis” and “vagina” are hilarious. Particularly, I like watching the Game Grumps, which is two guys (Arin Hanson and Dan Avidan) playing games while providing a podcast-like commentary on either the game or other funny things in general. On some days, you will find me watching hauls of squishies from Grav3yardgirl’s secret second channel, unboxing of products from DOPE or NOPE, a channel of three guys who have amazing chemistry together on set, vlogs from people who work in a YouTube Network called Hi5 Studios, and the weekly Jenna Marbles video of her doing something crazy funny with either her dogs, her boyfriend, or just by herself. YouTube (although with my personal opinions about it as a business) has played an important role as “relaxer” in my life during long hours of school work, anxiety-ridden days, and times when I just needed a good laugh. I’ll watch the occasional beauty/makeup video from a recommended channel, but I honestly find the most joy in the things that fascinate me, and that makes me laugh.
I still very much believe in energy rather than religion. Although I do have some faith within religion, I never had that connection with “God”, or any higher power before. Yes, I’ve known people in my life who have that connection and live their lives according to that belief, but I simply was never able to feel that sort of connection and I guess that’s what brought me into believing in energy. Energy, for me, is simply what you put out there. If you’re a negative or pessimistic person, that’s the energy you’re getting back from the universe. Personally, I try to be respectful and positive in every situation that comes forward in my life. Do I always get it in return? Of course not, but your overall energy and aura will attract the same type of vibe you’re giving out. Maybe I’m just going all Confucius on y’all, but my high-school Global History teacher, Mr. Quinlan, taught us “What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others”, and I felt that. To this day, I try to live my life according to that; your mentality is your reality, put out what you want back.
And I think I’ll end it on that note! I hope you guys enjoyed this reintroduction, and I’ll see you for the rest of Blogust! 😀
-Liz. (:
Letters From Liz. 