Month: December 2020

Creative Pieces, Twelve Letters of Lizmas: 2020

The Story I’m Working On! (Something…)

liz

Dear, guys – Welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, if you’ve been on the blog for the past couple of months, you would see that a lot of my posts have been… scenes of some sort. I’ve been in a really creative place as of lately! My best friend, Ro, finished writing their first book (which took 2 and half months, like wow) and being in their writing universe during the process has made me inspired to get back and explore my own universe! So, I just wanted to talk about some of the stories that have been living in my head, rent-free, for months on end.

The “Something” Series:

These days, my baby is something called “The Something Series”, which is what’s being published on the blog these days! At first, it was just me throwing ideas on paper about some characters that I loosely played with. The more I wrote in this universe, the more I was captivated by these characters and the more I wanted to explore them out. It’s no 300-page book like Ro’s (haha) but it’s just something that keeps me writing and motivated during the times when I’m in major writer’s block. Anyway, let’s start off by talking about the main characters of this series; the something series.

So, Grace Ashmore is a 25-year-old woman that we were first introduced to in “What Do You Have to hide, Grace?” a scene about Grace working on her very first case with her partner, Max Harper. We left them off in a very… difficult situation, and well fast forward a little over a year! Grace is living in the city as a defensive lawyer at the same law firm she was interning in, and now she’s officially working on her first case! The difference this time around is that, well… she’s not with Max. Max actually left the firm once the trial case was over due to personal reasons and decided to move to the outskirts of the busy city. What made him quit his job, you ask? His daughter. Max had a daughter? Oh yeah, Willow; Grace’s daughter as well! Too long didn’t read, Max and Grace were extremely close to getting married, with their daughter, beginning their lives together. But, Grace is the daughter of Mollie Sue Castro, and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

But she’s trying. She’s trying to balance the responsibilities of motherhood by co-parenting Willow while still making a name for herself in the law firm. But, things are not always the way she wants them to be. Falling into her mother’s footsteps, she feels like she’s only capable of hurting the people she has in her life and ends up running away, to her safe space; which is her work.

While going through the craziness that is her first official case as a defense lawyer, she meets a man one day at the cafe near Central Park. This man, Jamie Kim, is a lawyer working a case overseas with his own firm for the next couple of months. Grace instantly captivates Jamie, who ends up helping Grace with her disorganized paper work that falls onto the ground in the cafe. After noticing her papers are case files, he instantly offers to help her, and Grace being Grace, she naturally allows Jamie to sit at her table, and well the rest is history.

They both most of their time together these days; Grace working on her case while Jamie chimes in and helps her out while he does his own work. Two lawyers, one apartment (it begins with hers, then gradually goes to his) and a ton of paper work. Grace appreciates the company that Jamie gives her, even on the weekends that she has to take care of Willow.

While things seem to be going great for them, they are both avoiding talking about things to one another; Jamie is avoiding the fact that in a couple of months, he’ll be leaving the United States and will have to leave Grace behind, while Grace is afraid to allow another man into her life, in the state that she’s in, terrified to break another man’s heart and soul. Max Harper, one prime example of how broken a man’s heart is.

Speaking of Max, he’s now teaching Law in a university instead of being a lawyer. He decided this decision when Willow was born, possibly one of the only things in his life he feels like he has to be great for. Coming from a small family of untreated mental illness back in England, his only mission in his life is to be as present and supportive and as great of a father he can be for his daughter; because of that, he sacrificed a lot of his life for her.

Max was immensely in love with Grace. He wanted her to be his wife and to be a family with her and their child. He cared for Grace, was there for her in her lows and highs and everything in between; he been though the toughest days when Grace was incapable of taking care of herself when she was pregnant. He still has so much love for Grace; he wishes that he could work things out with her, to have faith in her for one more chance to get it right, but deep down he knows that no matter how hard he tries to make grace into the person he things she can be, Grace will never conform into that. He’s accepted the fact that Grace will always be Grace, and she’s going to do whatever she needs to do for her.

Jamie, being the youngest and the only boy in his family, feels the need to exceed and be the best he can be in the field that he’s in. In a lot of ways, Grace and Jamie are similar; Jamie feels like the harder he works, the better he will be at his job. He’s come to terms that because of his job, a life outside of it doesn’t exist, hence why even for the holidays, he’s not back home, with his family, celebrating like he would. It’s like he has to prove himself in a way. But man, Grace is just different. He may not completely understand Grace’s mindset, and he wishes that she was able to see that despite everything, she’s still radiates light, and it’s the type of light he didn’t realize he needed in his daily life.

So, they’re definitely digging each other… but extremely avoiding it. Not really well, but they are just… vibing.

I really enjoy writing these characters because it’s one of the first stories in a really long time that hasn’t been rushed. To explain things further, I find myself wanting my characters and their love interests to immediately get in their feelings and just do the deed, but I’ve been really wanting to play around with this idea that characters need to fall in love with each other and still feel scared of ruining things through sex; especially these two. Grace and Jamie are characters that although they like each other, their interactions come off as platonic. They hang out, talk to each other like friends, yeah they’ve kissed after going out on a first date, but for the most part they don’t talk about that day and they act as if nothing happened. They are characters that feel like the people they are somewhat involved with are better off with someone else, even though they know deep down they don’t want to be a reality. They are… definitely interesting characters to play around with and the circumstances are definitely much different than what I imagined in other characters I’ve created. Nevertheless, it’s interesting to go through these scenarios and see how these characters behave.

So, yeah! It’s been something I’ve been working on in my spare time within the last couple of weeks! I’ve taken a page out of my best friend’s book of writing inspiration and actually made a playlist of music that reminds me of my universe or music that helps me write in it! We’re definitely going to have more of The “Something” Series later this week and month, so if you’d like to catch up on the story thus far, here’s how to read them:

The “Something” Series:

Twelve Letters of Lizmas: 2020

Reading Our Very 1st Post, On Our 500th Post!

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

First and foremost, welcome to the first day of “Twelve Letters of Lizmas”! It’s insane to think that we’re now doing this for the fourth year in a row! Like every year, we daily blog for the 12 days leading up to Christmas!

This first day is extra special because we’ve officially reached 500 posts on the blog!

That’s halfway to a thousand posts on here, y’all.

It’s insane to always come back to these milestone posts and remember why we started this blog in the first place. I literally started this blog on a whim; I was in grad school at the time and missed writing for myself and creatively and decided as a hobby to finally start a blog!

Instead of just recalling some of my favorite posts since our last milestone, I wanted to try something different!

Hi, this is 500th post Liz about to reread our very first post on the blog!

A little backstory: This post was published on the blog January 5th, 2017. I officially opened the blog on that day but made it public on my 23rd birthday: January 9th, 2017. So on the day that I opened up the blog, I decided to just write some things so that there was content when I officially made it public. This is that post:

It’s hella trippy to see that my first post was an introduction post.

Okay, so for beginners: it’s insane to see that in that picture, I was in the city with my college friends. My friend, Tori (the other person in the dog filter), Liz & Yashira; ugh this was a really fun day and I really hope everyone is doing well these days!

Anyway,

  • It’s still very true: I am a Capricorn that doesn’t really believe in the whole zodiac things. I mean, they are fun to go back to and read up on horoscopes and just see what people say about them. I’m not the type of person that follows my life according to my horoscope, I just like to read it every now and then and share some of the funny things that make these horoscopes accurate at times. But yeah, still a Capricorn. Haha.
  • I still enjoy watching YouTube videos on my time away from writing, but I am not on Snapchat anymore! It’s crazy to think that most of my life was on Snapchat during this time and it’s trippy that it isn’t. Honestly, we stopped using that platform and just moved onto Instagram! These days, most of our time is spent on my various Instagram pages; whether it’s our personal page or the kpop selling/trading page!
  • I’ve still only been in love three times in my life: first love, second love, and then first love all over again. Three years later, I’m single and not in love with anyone at the moment (unless you consider a kpop boy a love which, off, don’t get me started) we’ve just been enjoying the time we have to ourselves before we decide to go ahead and start dating again. To be honest, I probably won’t put myself out there until after my surgery and after I get those important things out of the way, but for the most part, I’m happy with my platonic friendships and just getting to have the life that I haven’t had for a really long time from being in relationships and shit.
  • It’s funny to see that I thought I had my social anxiety under control during this time because a year later, we got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder! In all seriousness though, Grad school did force me to speak in front of large audiences for presentations and projects so for the most part, I’ve gotten a lot of practice speaking, but it didn’t make the process any easier. Instead, I feel like it really messed me up even more. But, TLDR; I will never feel like i would master the art of public speaking… or speaking, really.
  • My beliefs in energies are still the same; I very much still believe that the energy you put out there is the same energy you’ll get back and that your energy is capable of attracting certain other energies and all of that. I’ve learned, though, that even if you only put positive energy out, you’re not always going to get that back, and sometimes “positive energy” is unconventional. Meaning, sometimes the positive energy you need to put out goes against what you’re comfortable doing and saying for the sake of your own mental health.
  • I still very much believe to always being yourself, despite how human you get. I still vividly remember this time in my life still believing I have to be bubbly and happy all the time or else I “wasn’t myself”, which in all honesty, being nothing but one dimensional and happy all the time was as fake as it sounds. I’ve learned over the years that it’s okay to be sad or upset or angry; it’s a part of being a human being. So yeah, be yourself: the good and bad of it all.
  • Piggybacking off of the last post, yes I am mostly a bubbly person, but the number isn’t as accurate. I’m still a very upbeat person and I think bubbly is the best way to describe my personality, but like – once you get to know me, you definitely get all 31 flavors of me.
  • I’m still really into hair, but I’m not constantly changing it like I did when I first started this blog. My last drastic thing I did to my hair was cut it into a pixie and that was almost two years ago. Oof. But yeah, I’m trying my hardest to start growing it out… we’ll see.
  • As much as I want to say this last statement is true, I feel like there’s more to life than having an optimistic point of view on things. I very much still believe in keeping an optimistic mind on things, but the same way that you can’t always be positive about things, you can’t always be optimistic about things as well. There are going to be moments where you have to be realistic about some things, and that’s completely okay. It took me awhile to really come to terms with that.
  • While I feel like I’ve definitely grew up over the last three years, I definitely find myself still struggling when to let things go. It’s funny, because I really thought I was finally being able to let things go without realizing that well, one of the hardest things I had to do was to let something go that I didn’t realize was bad for me until things got really bad. Even to this day, I feel like it’s still so hard for me to realize when it’s time to let things go, but hey – I don’t think that’s something we as [people will ever master. We won’t ever know when the expiration date is on for things until our soul tells us.

It’s insane to think that in 2020, so much of this has changed. I’m a kpop collector, I have friends from that community, kpop in general is just a major part of my life, I have a job, I’m taking care of my mental health, and I’m just in a better place than I was in 2017. I think the last 500 posts show this journey pretty accurately.

Anyway, thanks for tuning in to the first day of Lizmas! I hope you guys enjoy the content to come within the next week and half to Christmas! Until then, stay safe and see you tomorrow!

Overexposed: A Self-Love Project.

Overexposed: Saying Goodbye To This Body.

liz

As the days come closer, I am anxious, stressed, and going through a whirlwind of emotions.

It is December 5th, 2020. I am sitting here, writing this post with the thought in mind that in a month, I will most likely have more information about my next chapter than I do now. I might be in a place where I’m already in the beginning of changing my life around, just weeks away from making possibly the biggest change in my life thus far. I will be entering my 27th year, thinking about the year ahead and how different that will look for me further along 2021.

Hi, my name is Liz, and I’m in the process of closing this chapter of my life.

Last November, I went to my primary care doctor and asked me something I was scared of asking for a really long time: “are you interested in weight-loss surgery?” I told her I was, and I started my journey of this weight-loss program in January. Before the pandemic, I would’ve been scheduled to have this surgery back in July/August. It baffles me that my life would’ve been so different if the pandemic wasn’t a thing. Would I have met the people that I know now? Would I had been in a mentally good place? Honestly, where would I’ve been?

Fast forward to the end of 2020 and I’m nervous more than ever about this process.

This month, I start the month-long pre-op diet; for the next month prior to surgery I have to follow a strict diet in order to prepare my body for the upcoming surgery. It’s been difficult for me to grasp this feeling that my body is going to change and that the way I eat and live my life will be different. It’s been hard for me to even get ready for this diet and it’s definitely been causing me an immense amount of stress and anxiety just… thinking about my reasoning and beliefs in doing something like this.

I’m afraid of my body changing so much, my social situations even change. I’m so worried that once I get this surgery and follow through with it and start to visually look different, I will gain attention from people. I will “look good” and I will “get compliments on how great I look” and I don’t know… that leaves an awful taste in my mouth.

Do people not think I “look good” now? In this body? Weight and everything? Fat?

It used to not bother me as much in the past, but I guess as the time gets closer and the responses I’ve been getting from people around me, it has me wondering just how much I was “in love” with my body. Last year, I started this series to talk about my journey of self-acceptance and loving myself in this body. I started the Overexposed series to remind myself that I should be okay in the body that I have and that if anything, I should love the skin that I’m in, despite how much of it is there. What changed?

I don’t know. Maybe it’s just the energies around me. Maybe it’s my new expectations for myself. Maybe it’s the fact that I told myself I was so happy with my body but mistaken it for settling for it instead of improving for my own self-esteem reasons and confidence. Maybe the fact that this surgery is just around the corner has got me really in my bag about this.

Maybe it’s the fact that it’s becoming more real as the days pass. I will be saying goodbye to this body in a couple of months, watching her change and look different than it ever has before. I mean, it’s technically still my body. It’s still my skin. Are we really saying goodbye to my body? Maybe just the way it is in its current state, but it’s still me. I still come with the way I am and the things that I like and don’t like and at the end of the day, nothing is changing besides the way my body is built.

But still, it feels like I am saying goodbye to the Liz in the photos that are on my social media platforms, my Polaroid pictures, and the pictures that live inside my camera roll on my phone.

So, I guess this is a goodbye then. Goodbye to the Liz that had to find her self-worth later in life due to society’s outlook on overweight, short girls. Goodbye to the Liz that at times holds a lot of self-image issues because of old photos of her youth. Goodbye to the Liz that I’ve known in this body for the last 26 years.

But man, hello to the Liz that I’m excited to become.

Creative Pieces, The "Something" Series

“Let Me Ask You Something” : A Scene.

liz
I Never Thought I Fall For You (Dark Pit x Reader) *Re-Writing* - Chapter 5: Unexpected Meeting - Wattpad

The night sky in NYC is pink with the street lights enhancing the snow falling. Max steps out of a cab in front of a modern apartment building; he power walks towards the entrance and swings the door open. The lady at the front desk waves in Max’s direction; he’s definitely been in this apartment complex building a ton of times within the last year. He walks to the elevators and goes to the 16th floor.

The elevator doors open and Max looks straight forward once they do. A man with blonde hair, wire-thin glasses, formal casual attire, and a beige wool coat is seen standing there. Both men briefly lock eyes. The blonde guy walks into the elevator while Max walks out; the doors close shut once he turns around to look at the blonde man. Max walks towards an apartment door and knocks on it.

Moments later, the door opens. A petite woman with curly auburn hair stands here in a black knitted fit-and-flare dress. Her eyes widen.

Grace: Max?

Grace opens the door wide enough to let Max walk into the apartment. Grace peeks out to the hallway for a brief hallway.

Max: *without looking back* Blondie left.

Grace slowly closes the door and looks at Max. Max turns around to face Grace.

Max: Cute dress, Ashmore.

Grace: What are you doing here, Max?

Max walks around the tiny kitchen area. Grace’s eyes follow him.

Max: So, was your date with Blondie the reason why you didn’t want to spend time with your daughter this weekend? Wanted to play with your boy toy?

Grace: *defensive* You don’t know what you’re talking about and honestly, it’s none of your business whatever the fuck I do. We aren’t together.

Max: That’s not the bloody point, Grace. The fact of the matter is that you chose some pretty boy over your daughter!

Grace: My parents have her for the night, you jerk. I’ll be picking her up tomorrow.

Max: *a little louder* What’s the point? She comes back to me anyway tomorrow night! And the night after that, and the night after! My point– Grace– is the fact that you put your needs and wants before Willow’s.

Grace: *visibly defensive* Excuse me for wanting to spend my Saturday finishing up a case that has been stressing me the fuck out and hanging out with a friend of mine!

Max: *furious* Cut the bullshit, Grace! You couldn’t even tell Emerson what the hell you were doing because you knew he would bring it up tonight!

Grace: *stern* You spoke to Emerson about me?

Max: I mean, it’s a little hard not to speak about the fact that today would’ve been our wedding day.

Grace stands there in deep thought. She looks anxious, and Max notices it. He softens up and takes a deep breath.

Max: Let me ask you something, Grace…

Max walks over to Grace and looks in her eyes. He’s soft, apologetic; a familiar side to Max that Grace knows well. Grace doesn’t say anything.

Max: Do you not miss… us? What we were, what we had?

Grace stays silent, but lingers on the thought. Her eyes hide a truth that maybe she wasn’t aware of.

Grace: What’s the point thinking about that? What does it matter? We broke up, and we didn’t work out.

Max: That’s not what I asked, Grace.

Grace anxiously looks at Max. He looks at her softly.

Max: There is reason why things happened the way they did, but, it doesn’t affect the way we feel about it. *sullen* It doesn’t affect the way I feel about you.

Silence fills the room, both Grace and Max take in the atmosphere.

Grace: *whispers* I would’ve broke you.

Max: That’s not up to you to decide that. You don’t know that.

Grace: *a little louder* Really? Working a case that nearly killed us, having an affair behind the firm’s back, getting pregnant with Willow, getting engaged, I–

Max’s deep breath stops Grace from continuing listing the timeline of their relationship. She looks down to the ground, defeated.

Grace: And look at us now.

Max kneels down to face Grace; he’s now the one looking up at her.

Max: Grace…

Grace doesn’t respond or look up from the floor.

Max: I don’t have any right to tell you how you feel, but I can reassure that the thoughts you may have about us are not true. You didn’t “break” me, nor would you have if we were still together. We’ve been through an immense amount of obstacles, and even through it all, I… I still miss you.

Grace finally looks up.

Max: I still miss waking up next to you in the morning. I miss standing in the kitchen drinking coffee and discussing our thoughts on the case. I miss the sound of your heels walking towards the office. I miss getting ready to leave for the day and go straight to your apartment to escort you out on dates.

Max gets up slowly from kneeling, but when he does, he lifts Grace’s head with his finger on her chin. She doesn’t protest. He deeply looks into Grace’s hazel eyes.

Max: I miss holding your hand whenever we walked down the streets of Manhattan. I miss hearing your loud laugh, whether it was from movies, stories, or just me being extremely silly.

His face gets closer to Grace’s, and again she doesn’t protest.

Max: I miss the way your lips felt when I kiss you…

He slowly leans into Grace and kisses her softly. She kisses him back almost immediately, but then steps back in a panic. Max is shocked and extremely apologetic.

Max: Shit, I’m– I’m so sorry, Grace, I didn’t–

Grace: Just go.

Max: Grace, please, I just–

Grace: Please. Just. Go.

Max doesn’t say anything after, he just starts walking towards the door. Grace doesn’t turn around to see him out, she just stands there, extremely sad.

The door closes behind her; she lets out the breath she’s been holding in for the last 5 minutes.

The "Something" Series, Topic Tuesdays: Music

The “Something” Series: The Playlist.

liz

Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!

So, I originally had something else planned for this first day of December…

Back in November, Play M announced that Victon would be making their comeback with their first full album, “VOICE: The Future Is Now” on December 1st. I was so fucking excited and ready for this comeback, like was mentally preparing for this comeback for months; we knew that they were getting ready for their first full album!

Update: VICTON Dazzles In New Group Photo For “VOICE: The Future Is Now” Comeback | Soompi

Look at Seungsik in the center with that platinum hair looking just… a m a z i n g.

Anyway, two weeks prior to their comeback date, it was revealed that a staff member at a production company the group was filming in was positive for COVID-19. The boys got tested and all came back negative, but they are required to self-quarantine for 14 days, which overlaps their comeback schedule. Their album was delayed until January 28th, 2021. All I’m saying is that I better listen to this album before my surgery or literally in my hospital afterwards because like… I need to hear it whatever the circumstances are!

TLDR, we are deciding to use this post to talk about music still!

So, my best friend, Ro (I feel like I mentioned this already but here is a retelling of it) is currently writing a really interesting book that started out as fan-fiction. 300+ pages in and a second book in the works, homie got a real juicy story happening. Their process of writing it has been with the help of some Spotify playlists! In numerous playlists named after the main characters of the story, Ro adds songs that relate to these characters and what they’re going through and writes along to the playlists. I felt really inspired to do something similar to that process, and created “the something series” playlist!

The “Ro” Playlist.
The “Chan” Playlist.

So, just as a simple thank you to those who’ve been keeping up with the lives of Grace and Jamie, I’m sharing some of the music that I listen to when writing them and brainstorming the universe as a whole!

Enjoy listening, happy reading, and I hope you find some new cool music in this!