Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters from Liz!
Many of us in this world weren’t blessed with the confidence needed to stand by our life choices and our decisions without caring what people may think about them. For those who fall into the category of “people-pleasers” or “needs approval from people”, We never feel really at ease when we make a decision for ourselves and we don’t get that seal of approval or that “good job sticker” from others. Yeah, maybe when we were younger in our teen years, that decision-making process was easier because we had to follow rules from our parents or guardians and quite frankly didn’t have all of the freedom we so desperately wanted back in the day.
Now we’re adults and we’re telling ourselves, “damn, I need some guidance or sense of approval in my life to live it.”
Ladies and gentleman, welcome to adulthood.
Decision-making is something we learn to do at an early age; it’s knowing what’s right from wrong and it’s knowing what you should do in situations versus what not to do in a situation. Decision-making, to simplify it, is either black or white. It’s either yes or no, right or wrong, good or bad. But, life isn’t black and white whatsoever. It’s full of an enormous amount of gray area that– quite frankly– leaves us to learn a lesson at the end of the day. So, when we make life decisions, why are they so black and white? Because at the end of the day, you’re either going to go forward with it in your decision, or you’re going to back out from it with your decision.
So, why do we sometimes regret our decisions? They’re OUR decisions, right?
Well, yeah – but so many factors can explain why ultimately we regret a decision. Maybe things didn’t go as planned, maybe you didn’t think things through, and maybe the decision being made was influenced by a temporary feeling or emotion being felt in that exact moment. They tell you don’t make any decisions based off of emotion, yet many of us do it time and time again.
But also, we tend to regret them without even seeing them through because the approval rate from those around you wasn’t as high as you’d like them to be. And that’s when we stop living our own lives for ourselves and live them according to the people around us.
It’s about time you own your decisions, whether they turn out to be great in the end, or if they turn to shit. OWN IT.
Because no one knows yourself as much as you do. You know what you’re capable of, what your wants and needs are, what your best personality traits are; you just know these things better than anyone else in the world and when making decisions for yourself, these factors come into play.
“Am I able to face this challenge? Well, yeah – if I could handle school and a full-time job, then joining this club shouldn’t be much different.”
“Should I take this job? I mean although I don’t have that much experience in it, I do know that I’m capable of learning things quickly, so I should at least take it and try.”
“Should I go on this girl’s trip across the country for a week? I just started this new position and I know I’m not mentally prepared for this in the way I’d like to be, so I’m going to sit this one out and make sure the next time I’m prepared for it.”
The point I’m trying to make is that decisions are influenced by our abilities, traits, and boundaries. If we have a good grasp on those things, then making decisions for yourself shouldn’t be that hard, and sticking by them should always be a top priority. Yeah, maybe you’re unsure about a decision you made, but make sure it’s because YOU’RE unsure, not because the people around you disapprove a decision you’ve made.
Now, of course, there are going to be times where our decisions end horribly, and the people around us are going to be right. Even then, that still shouldn’t influence your future decisions on your own life just because you made one bad decision in your life. That’s how you learn not just about life, but about yourself.
Decision making for yourself is just a journey you have to go on when you’re an adult. You now got that sense of freedom to make decisions on your own, but maybe you were just way too comfortable letting other people in your life make the decisions for you (or, you just deal with anxiety and prefer other people help you with the decisions you make). Besides all of that, it’s still very important to stand for what you do and believe in, because at the end of the day, you live your life and you should do what’s best for you.