Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!
This month is flying by, and it’s only the 12th. February has always been a month that just came and went without anyone really knowing, and then we’re in March and bam! It’s already Christmas.
Well, without further ado, we are here with this month’s installment of:
So far in 2019, one of the biggest things I’ve been trying to work on is being unapologetically myself; I’ve even expressed that thought in various Self-Appreciation Saturdays throughout the year. As silly and basic as it may sound, I’m realizing just how tedious that journey is, especially if you’ve been a person who’s been afraid of change or anything outside of your personal “norm” and haven’t explored yourself in such a long time. My own self-discovery is interesting because I feel like I was forced to go through this journey because of my SAD; my anxiety stems from a place of self-judgment, perfectionism, and low self-esteem. Although I am always myself, it’s hard for me to be unapologetically myself, and that includes the moments that contrast with the happy & bubbly side of me. I’m actively learning that the more I embrace the bad moments and bad days that I’m allowed to have as a human being, the more unapologetic and shameless I become regarding my SAD.
So with that being said: I’m immensely proud to see myself where I’m at in comparison to where I was this time last year.
This time last year was extremely rough; I was a grad student wrapping up her studies, I was experiencing extreme amounts of anxiety due to the workload, late nights, and time management for everything else in my life. Mentally, I wasn’t really there, and my health really took a toll on it as I ignored everything and just kept going. I didn’t think that a year later, I’d be where I’m at, and I hope I am able to say the same thing this time next year!
I guess what I’m trying to say is that façades don’t last forever, especially when you’re in the process of growing up and maturing and getting yourself together for adulthood. Façades exist in high-school because you try to fit into groups of people that seem to be “better” than who you are/what you represent. Façades exist in young adulthood because we as a generation were constantly told that we need to “fake it until you make it” after hearing a handful of success stories where they “faked it” to get where they were. Façades exist solely because we are ashamed of revealing our real selves to the world, worried that people will judge us or dislike us for the qualities that make us, us. And when we’re so used to playing our façades so well, we sometimes forget that we are, and we lose so much of ourselves during the process.
Being aware of your façades is something crucial in a time where we are constantly hiding behind computer screens and phone apps. We’re constantly putting on a facade online, filtering life and sharing moments that only really make you look good to the public (which even doing that takes a toll on your ability to share negative/bad things to actual real people in your life). Being aware of the faces we put on just for the sake of being cool, trendy, and being overly-positive is what’s going to allow you to be okay with your humanness. Again, I use the term humanness to define both the good qualities and bad qualities that you may have as a person; a mix of both is what makes you human. When we are aware that we are putting up a façade for the sake of other people around you or to protect you from judgment or embarrassment, that’s truly the first step to living life as your true self. Even more so, you’ll begin to be unapologetically yourself.
As rookie South Korean girl group ITZY said: “I don’t care what they say, I am just who I am.”
Battling our façades when we’re trying to be completely ourselves is hard; you’re getting to know how to be yourself without saying “sorry, this is how I am” and without changing something about yourself just because you feel shameful for being that way. In that process, it’s easy to push yourself in the back burner and let your façade take over for the time being, and it’s even harder when you’re aware of what you’re doing and trying to figure out what to do the next time you’re in a situation like that. When I find myself worrying about what others may say about decisions I make (for example, I just got my septum pierced after thinking about it for the last two months and was too afraid to tell my mother about it because I was afraid she’d disapprove or “judge” my character), or if I’m starting to worry about not being in the greatest mood on a day I have errands to run or a date with my partner, I constantly have to remind myself that these emotions that I’m feeling are normal and that I’m allowed to feel them and express them. I also remind myself that the only way I will become comfortable in my own skin is to be myself in my own skin.
It was only when I started to laugh harder, smile longer and enjoying myself without constant worry, I realized that I was fine just who I am, and for most people, it’s the same thing. It’s those moments when you go to bed at the end of the day feeling good and not anxious about how you came off at a gathering earlier that night that makes it worthwhile to just be yourself. Fuck “fitting in”, “feeling not good enough”, “judgemental towards yourself”; all that nonsense that voice in your head keeps telling you is not true. As much as its easier said than done (and sometimes very annoying) when people say “just be yourself!”, it’s honestly the only (and hardest) thing to do while we’re constantly growing and changing as people.
So, how have the first two months of 2019 been like? In migration.