Topic Tuesdays: Love/Relationships

What I Learned After Saying the L Word.

*sings* L is for the way you look at me…

 

Photo Credit: Valerie Morgan Illustration

 

Hey, guys. Welcome back to TNTH.

Before I start off this post, I would like to state a disclaimer that I am writing this at one in the morning on the week that I am highly emotional, so if this appears too sappy or cheesy for your liking, then I advise not to read this post.

I am a cheeseball when it comes to love. Reader’s discretion is advised.

Anyway, I am not a stranger when it comes to love. All my life, I loved a lot of people platonically and objects have sentimental value to me, and yes, I’ve mistaken my infatuation with love plenty of times in my life.

This time though is truly something to write in the books.

In the past couple of months, I’ve been on this roller coaster where there have been ups and downs around my perception of love. In my “I love you” story, I spoke about the time I told my partner “I love you” for the first time. After coming clean and saying it to my partner, I learned that with such a simple sentence, it comes with a heavy punch. I grew up around people and friends who got into relationships and would say “I love you” to each other in a matter of weeks being together. Couples would say the L word in the month that they’ve been together not being completely aware of the person that they are with. Don’t get me wrong, people are going to move differently than others, but prematurely saying “I love you” to somebody can completely destroy the relationship you have with that person.

I’ve known my partner for almost a decade now. Yes, I always had a love for him and told him tons of times before then that I loved him, but it nearly took me 7 years to say “I love you”. Yes, I’ve prematurely said it as a teenager, but this time it was different. I realized love, true love, is a list of pros and cons. It’s a list of all the amazing things your partner is and for you, yet also weighing out all the things that make you guys clash. Even with these things in mind, conflicts and arguments will break out, there will be tension between you guys, and there will always be progression involved. Just because you told your partner “I love you” doesn’t mean you stop trying to win their heart. 

So, if you’re in a situation where you’re deciding to tell your partner hat you love them for the first time, take in these precautions after you express our love to them. I’m not saying that the L word is a bad thing to say to your partner; I’m saying that most people will get into deep shit once the word has been thrown out there.

  • “I love you” has lost its meaning in the course of a decade, so actions will always speak louder than words. Yeah, it’s great that you’re the one to say “I love you” first, but the saying always has this underlining statement of “prove it.” Even if you verbally told them that you love them, that doesn’t mean you have to stop making them feel special or stop showing your admiration for them. To me, saying “I love you” to my partner meant that I only have mad love for him and that I’m down for him no matter what. Now that I said it, I have to show these things to him. “I love you” shouldn’t be a word you throw around in the heat of the moment; say what you mean and mean what you say.
  • Your connection will get deeper. I started to realize that after the L word was put into the air, the playfulness that was me and my partner kind of vanished. Yeah, we’re still playful and goofy, but boundaries begin to break and guards begin to go down. Every falling out will seem like it’s the end of the world because it’s never going to be a simple “whatever, we’ll get over it”, it becomes a “we are in deeper than we think, we need to work it out in order to move forward.” Feelings are involved in both parties and when both of you guys know how the other one feels about the other, it could appear even easier to hurt them without you knowing.
  • By saying it, you are giving your feelings and admiration to them, and don’t be surprised if they give you theirs back. Your feelings are in your hands now. Just because they weren’t the first to say the L word in the relationship, doesn’t mean that they don’t feel the same way about you back. One of you have to say it first; you were the one who did it. At that moment if you feel like your partner is being more open towards you and showing you a side that you never saw (i.e. their emotional side), then their feelings are in your hands. Which leads me to my next point…
  • JUST BECAUSE THEY DON’T SAY IT BACK RIGHT AWAY DOESN’T MEAN THEY DON’T LOVE YOU. Despite my shyness, I am a very vocal person. I always try my best to say what I feel without a filter. Because of that, I’m never afraid of saying things that I want to say or sharing things about myself out loud. When I told my partner that I love him, I didn’t automatically get the “I love you too” back. Oddly enough, I’m happy that I didn’t. You have to go into the situation not thinking that you’re in a movie scene where you confess your love and then right after you do so, your partner does so as well. Just because he doesn’t say it back right away doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. Now, if you confessed your love to him and his actions show otherwise, then you have to step back and look at the picture from the outside. But besides that, we are all ready to say “I love you” at different times. Wait for your partner to genuinely say it.
  • Finally: after you say it to your partner, you finally don’t feel weird saying it over and over to them. Before I said it, I never actually said it to him in person or through text because it stood out like a sore thumb. I was like “ew, this sounds so weird coming out of my mouth.” Once I said it truly and honestly, I say it and write it out a lot more now. I feel like it’s okay now because he already knows that I mean it when I say it. I can’t lie though, it’s made me a bit more territorial though. But hey, why not be protective over the person you love?

I would be here all day if I wrote out every single thing that I learned after saying the L word to my partner. The truth of the matter is is that you continue learning more about yourself and the person you love even after admitting that you love them for who they are.

And even after everything we’ve been through this past year, I still meant what I said.

-Liz (:

 

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