All of the other dancers begin to get ready for today’s rehearsal; myself included. I adjust the pointe shoes on my feet and begin to tie them up before I notice Aimee walking toward me.

“Hey Aimee,” I said as she sat next to me, beginning to put on her pointe shoes as well. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright,” Aimee answered. “Maurice and I ended up watching Legally Blonde before coming to rehearsal.” I smiled at Aimee’s answer.

“Sometimes, you just need a good classic movie to make things better,” I stated. Aimee took a deep breath before speaking.

“I’m just afraid to go back to my room after rehearsal and sit alone with my thoughts. Like, it’s so much more easy to have a friend or someone just be there with you.” I look at Aimee and listen to her speak. I know exactly how that feels. There’s only so much your family and friends an do until the sun goes down and you’re left with just your thoughts for the night.

“If you ever want to come to my room, you know you’re always welcome to,” I reassured Aimee. “I know how it feels to sit in your thoughts alone and I wouldn’t want you doing that 3 days before the opening.” Aimee smiled in appreciation.

“When did I get the best of friends?” Aimee asked.

“Well I can’t speak for Maurice being the best,” I jokingly said. We both laugh as we continue to get ready for the rehearsal. It wasn’t long after that the director’s assistant was calling for the dancers in Aimee’s number. “Have a good rehearsal; I’ll see you soon on stage.” Aimee got up from the ground and quickly placed her bag in one of the vacant lockers.

I continued to lace up the ribbon of my pointe shoe until I see a man’s shoe in front of me. I look up and instantly smile.

“Hey, Sahim,” I greeted him. “You’re on break or something?”

“As a matter of fact, I am,” Sahim answered, sitting down on the ground next to me. “Ready for rehearsal?”

“Ready as I can be,” I answered, then smiled. “Got any plans after work today?”

“Most likely catch up on some television shows,” Sahim said. “I promise I won’t have too much fun without you around.” I rolled my eyes at his cute little response. Just like him to do. “How about you?”

“I’m going out for dinner,” I began to answer. “My cousin and her boyfriend surprised me earlier today. They’re here on vacation and are going to the opening of the show this Friday.”

“Is this family from back home?” Sahim asked. I nodded.

“My cousin Skylar lives in California with her Korean boyfriend,” I started to explain. “Ironic, isn’t it?”

“I mean it’s not too far-fetched considering you have a niece who lives in Korea,” Sahim pointed out. “But I’m glad you have family coming out to support on opening night. Are you more nervous now that you do?”

“I’m only nervous about Skylar making a fool of herself in the theater,” I emphasized. “She’s… not the person that can read a room well.” Sahim laughs at what I say.

“That’s family for you,” Sahim concluded.

“Maybe before the show you can meet them,” I suggested. “It would be a crime if I didn’t introduce you to her.” The lightbulb finally goes off in my head. “Would you like to come with me to dinner tonight?”

“To meet your family?” Sahim asked, looking a little worried now.

“It’s just my cousin,” I said. “Plus, it would be super awkward for me to just be there by myself while she’s with her boyfriend.”

“I don’t want to come unannounced to a dinner you and your cousin planned, Grace,” Sahim confessed. My eyes deadpanned toward Sahim.

“Let me rephrase,” I begin to explain. “Skylar is only wanting to go to dinner because she knows you exist.” Sahim’s eyes widen.

“You told your cousin about me?” Sahim asked, looking a little shy now. I didn’t realize just how much that sounded like a teenager telling her friends about a crush.

“I did,” I confessed, looking down at my shoes to avoid eye contact with him. “She was curious about the guy I kept spending my time with here in Korea.” I finally look up at Sahim.

“Did I get the favorite cousin seal of approval?” Sahim asked teasingly. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Considering she wants to meet you, then probably,” I answered. “I know it’s short notice, but it would mean a lot if you came with me tonight.”

“So, a double date,” Sahim said out loud before looking back at me. “Is this something that you want?”

“Whatcha mean?” I asked, not really understanding what he meant by that.

“Introduce me to your family,” Sahim answered. “I know it’s not your parents or anything, but from what you tell me about your cousin, introducing me to her seems to be like a big deal.” I scrunched my eyebrows together, feeling a little embarrassed that Sahim is questioning my intentions for tonight. Sure, I don’t want to show up to this dinner by myself and sitting across Skylar and Shawn. I want to feel comfortable just in case something goes wrong. God, what if they bring up Jamie? Jamie. I slowly realize that I want Sahim there for more than just the support; I need him there to show them that I’m over my ex-boyfriend. That I moved on, living a better and happier life… but to drag Sahim into this dinner just to show off another man is wrong. I shake my head as I begin to get up from the ground.

“Forget it,” I finally said, gathering my stuff from the floor. “It’s a stupid idea.” Before I walked away, Sahim gets up from the floor and tries to get my attention.

“Hey, hey,” Sahim softly says to me. He looks down at me to meet up with my eyes; I look up at his. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just want to make sure this is something you want to do.”

“Sahim,” I begin to say before the assistant director calls out for the next number to prepare to go on stage. Maybe I shouldn’t say this. “I… got to go.”

“Say what you want to say,” Sahim says to me. “Don’t go without saying what you want to say. It’s just going to mess up your rehearsal.” Fuck, how does he know that?

“I… like you, a lot,” I started to say. “And I tend to do things that scare people away, like introducing them to the most important people in my life before they are ready for it. I’m doing nothing but scaring you away at this point.”

“Grace,” Sahim started to explain. “There’s nothing that you can do to scare me away at this point. I just want to be on the same page as you, because I also like you. A lot. But you already know that.” I bite my bottom lip as he speaks to me. I feel like a teenager that just got back the passed note with the “yes” checked off asking if my crush likes me too.

“Is this something that you want?” I asked Sahim back. “Do you want me?”

“Let’s just say it’s been hard to keep it professional ever since we kissed at the club,” Sahim answered. I could feel my face get really hot; I almost forgot that happened considering so many things are now happening around me. “I’ll pick you up at 7 for dinner with your cousin.”

“Really?” I asked, sounding a little too excited to hear him say that. All he does is smile. Now he’s just teasing me with it.

“Of course,” Sahim said. “I would love to meet the important people in your life, because you have become important to me.” Oh the way he knows how to use words kills me.

“Ditto,” I said, which was all I could say. The 2 minute warning from the assistant director is heard again. Quickly, Sahim kisses me on the cheek.

“Have a good rehearsal, darling,” Sahim said. Darling. I stupidly smile wide as I set my stuff near the other bags from the dancers and run out to make it to the stage.

I stand at the left side of the stage, waiting for my cue to come in as we rehearse the last two numbers of the production. Sahim’s words play in my head like a song on a never-ending loop. His words were always comforting to me; something I haven’t had in a person for quite some time now. I guess the night at the club sealed it in my mind: I really like Sahim. I’ve thought about him in situations that I haven’t thought about in a long time. I picture him and I visiting all of the tourist places in Korea after we clock out from our 9 to 5 and await for the 8 o’clock show that night. I picture him and I going back to New York and going to the park during the summer with Willow. I picture him and I going to his hometown to get a better glimpse of who he was before I met him as he is now. I picture Sahim being the one, and that fucking scares me. I should have learned the first time to date someone I worked with—

But this time feels like I was suppose to meet him like this. How else would I met this incredible man?

“Cue the Prosper number,” I hear the director call out from the stage. The music starts to play and I watch the other dancers begin to dance along to the music. It wasn’t long after that I hear the director cue me.

I enter the stage, dance to the music and land myself center stage. I open my eyes as I listen to the lyrics of the song and dance to the song. I take a glimpse at those who are at the front of the stage, watching the rehearsal. I see Sahim sitting there, watching me dance. It makes me smile.

It makes me hopeful. It inspires me. It makes me excited to see where this takes us.

I walked back into my hotel room, shaking the snow off from my coat and winter boots. The winter hasn’t been too bad in the month I’ve been here, but today’s snow has been nonstop. Sahim and I basically ran back to the hotel once the snow began to come down; the last thing we both wanted was to get stuck in a restaurant because the weather was so bad.

My phone rings on in my coat pocket. I take it out and pick it up once I see it’s Sahim.

“Hey,” I greeted. “Made it back to your room safely?”

“Yes; frozen, but safe,” Sahim said. I laughed at his response. “How about you? You’re okay?”

“Yeah, I just have to dry my coat and boots since they are covered in snow,” I said as I moved my boots to the bathroom and placed them in the tub.

“I’ll let you relax before rehearsal tonight,” Sahim responded. “Thanks again for letting me treat you to breakfast.” Ugh. My cheeks hurt from smiling so wide.

“Thank you for treating me,” I answered back, still smiling. “I’ll see you tonight for rehearsal.” We both said our goodbyes and hung up. I look at the time on my stove to see that it’s about 11AM. Skylar should definitely still be up. I walked my way toward the small sofa and dialed Skylar’s number; this time it goes straight to voicemail. I haven’t been able to get a hold of Skylar for the last two days and it’s now annoying me. I know the time difference makes it hard for me to get in contact with my family back in America, but Skylar always makes sure to call or text me when she has the time to. I toss my phone on the sofa and let out a loud sigh. Not long after, the doorbell rings. I get up and see through the peephole that it’s Aimee. I opened up the door and greet her.

“Hey, Aimee,” I said as I let her into my room. She walks in and immediately takes a seat on the sofa. “You’re okay?”

“Girl,” Aimee said as she crossed her legs together on the sofa. “If you still drank, I would’ve had has drinking the strongest of liquor right now.”

“What happened?” I asked, walking towards the sofa to join Aimee.

“My boyfriend and I got into a huge fight early this morning,” Aimee started to say. “We weren’t on the greatest terms when I left to come here, but we were trying to work things out. He calls me this morning to pretty much break up with me and say that my career is ruining our relationship.”

“What?” I said, shocked. I briefly met Aimee’s boyfriend over FaceTime one day when we were still in New York. He seemed like a good guy and was really into Aimee from the looks of it. “Is he really blaming your career for the fallout of your relationship?” Aimee’s anger quickly turns into sadness and I immediately get up to get some napkins from the kitchen. I hand them over to Aimee and then sit back down.

“It’s not like I just woke up one day and decided this was going to be what I did for a living,” Aimee stated as she wipes her eyes with the napkin. “He met me when I was a dancer so for him to put the blame on it is really fucked up.”

“When you passed the audition, how did he react to it?” I asked Aimee, trying to comprehend the situation in its entirety.

“He was happy,” she answered, continuing to wipe the tears from her eyes. “We even went out to this fancy dinner date to celebrate and everything. He was always so supportive of my dance career so I don’t know where all of this came from when we spoke on the phone.”

“I’m sorry, Aimee,” I said as I handed her more napkins as she cried. In the back of my head, I thought about all of the conversations my mom and I had about taking dance as seriously like this. I knew it for all those years, back in Virginia, when I learned that dance was what broke my parents up in the first place. I think anything that you put above the relationships in your life are going to be challenging to maintain. I should know. “Trust me, it’s not your career that ruined your relationship.”

“I feel like all of our problems came because of my dance career,” Aimee mentioned. “We were fine when I was just at my dance academy doing small gigs and shit.”

“That’s what I mean, Aimee,” I said as I leaned forward to her. “It only became a problem when you wanted more from your career. It’s not that you were dissatisfied with what you already had in your life, you just wanted more regarding your career. You love what you do and you were wanting more out of it, and it’s not easy to maintain the relationships in your life when your career demands so much of your time.”

“Why couldn’t he said something sooner?” Aimee asked as she cried. “Why did he act like this supportive boyfriend if he really had a problem with my career?”

“Because sadly, they want to support,” I began to answer. “Until they realize that it doesn’t benefit them.” I looked at Aimee and she looked at me; we didn’t say anything after that.

…

“For fuck’s sake, pick up the phone, Sky,” I said to myself before hanging up the phone. I slammed my phone on top of the counter and sighed loudly. The moment I get Skylar on the phone, I’m directly screaming in her ear about her just going radio silent for days. Don’t let a man get you isolated from the rest of the world, girl. There’s a knock on my front door; I immediately looked at the door confused at who could it be.

After Aimee came to my room to talk about her boyfriend, I called down Maurice to come and cheer her up. Maurice always had a way to get Aimee out of any bad mood or funk. Maurice and Aimee bounce off from each other well, so I figured Maurice would be a great solution to make Aimee feel better about her breakup. Once Maurice and Aimee left my room, I wasn’t expecting anyone to come and knock on my door.

I opened the front door and my eyes immediately widen. This isn’t real; I’m totally dreaming right now. I smiled once I heard Skylar’s loud mouth as I opened the door.

“Surprise!” Skylar said with her arms open wide. I smiled and went in for a hug.

“Sky, what the fuck are you doing here?” I said, still in shock that my cousin from California is standing in front of me in my room in Korea. I look toward my front door and notice someone else standing there with luggage. Skylar turns around and extends her arm to the man standing near the front door. Shawn.

“Well, Shawn and I came out here for two things,” Skylar said as Shawn wrapped his arm around her.

“Oh no, please tell me you aren’t pregnant and did a shotgun wedding back in California,” I said, looking at them both.

“What? No,” Skylar answered. “We were planning to come and meet his family here in Korea, but since we were coming here, I wanted to come and see your show!” I was in a state of shock. It was one thing to get the support from your family by simply sending them a link to the live-stream of the performance, but to actually have someone here in person watching you from the audience; I was very emotional and did nothing but hug Skylar. Oh, and cry a bit.

“This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done, ” I said through tears in my eyes. Skylar wipes them off with her hands as I laugh, only because I’m beyond embarrassed. I look over at Shawn. “Sorry, Shawn; I didn’t mean for you to see me like this.”

“No need to be sorry,” Shawn finally spoke. “I’ll do anything that makes Sky happy.” Skylar turns around and kisses Shawn. They are stupidly in love with each other.

“I would’ve let you guys stay here with me, but this technically isn’t my room,” I joked around.

“It’s fine,” Skylar reassured. “Shawn and I booked a hotel room about 15 minutes from where the venue is. We’re staying there until after opening night and then we’re going to Seoul to stay with his family.” I nodded my head as Skylar recited her plans here in Korea.

“I’m glad that you guys are here,” I said and smiled. “Once you guys get settled in, we should go out to dinner.”

“That would be nice,” Shawn responded and looked at Skylar. “I also apologize for Skylar not answering your phone calls; I didn’t show her how to turn her services over to international until we landed.” Skylar rolled her eyes playfully.

“I’ll text you,” Skylar said as she walked toward the front door with one bag of her luggage. “I need to catch up on all of the sleep before it turns to severe jet lag.” I nodded my head, totally agreeing with her.

“Have a safe drive to the hotel,” I waved as they left my room. “I’ll text you!” I closed the door to my room and looked at the time on my stove. Shit, I’m going to be late for rehearsal.

Sahim and I walk the streets of Ulsan, which are already busy at the early hours of this Tuesday morning. He holds my hand as we walk just so that we don’t separate from each other; I’m glad that the streets are busy for that exact reason.

We finally approach this little foreign spot; it’s one of the only places on this particular street that the sign outside is not in Korean. It made me smile, Sahim did his research last night. We walked in and a waitress greets us and seats us at a table near a window. The view is of a garden from the flower shop next to us.

“How’d you sleep last night?” Sahim said as he unfolds a napkin and places it on his lap.

“Pretty good,” I answered. “The jet lag has finally surpassed.” Sahim nods his head, agreeing with my statement. I looked around as I spoke. “Looks like someone did their research ahead of time,” I teased and smiled.

“I did,” Sahim smiled as he admitted. “An expert in traveling told me it was necessary to do some research before going to a place you are not familiar with.”

“They sound like a keeper,” I said, looking at Sahim.

“They are,” Sahim stated. I looked down at the menu because I can feel my face get hot and it was way too early to be feeling the way I was feeling. The waitress comes back with a notepad, ready to take our order. It’s been awhile since I actually had real breakfast; having a real breakfast doesn’t exist in New York. You grab a coffee and a donut and get straight to work. I ordered a western omelet and a hot coffee; Sahim got a bagel with cream cheese and a hot chocolate. Once the waitress walked away, Sahim and I looked at each other.

“How was the after-rehearsal tech meeting?” I asked. “Sonia must’ve been real nice to you guys.”

“This stays between us, but Sonia needs to get a hobby once this production is over,” Sahim said. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“What do you think Sonia does when she’s not directing the production?” I curiously asked.

“She probably would enjoy working as a manager just so she can continue to yell at people,” Sahim joked around. I laughed; he’s definitely not wrong about our director. “But other than that, it was alright. Just some final revisions need to be made before the opening on Friday. How was the rest of your night after rehearsal?”

“It was,” I began to say and exhaled loudly. “Good.”

“That didn’t sound convincing,” Sahim noted.

“I’m a dancer, not an actress,” I said as I leaned back on my chair. The waitress comes with the drinks as we thank her. Sahim resumes looking at me to continue our conversation.

“Wanna talk about it?” Sahim offered.

“I wouldn’t want to put a damper on the day this early in the morning,” I joked around. I was hoping Sahim’s expression would soften up, but it didn’t.

“What happened last night?” Sahim asked. I sighed. I realize that if I really wanted to get to know Sahim better, it was about time I told him things that I haven’t told him yet. It was always hard for me to open up about things that I’m not always proud of; it allows people to make judgments and ask tons of questions that I don’t want to answer. It was easier being in New York having this conversation across a table in the cafe with my daughter in a baby stroller. Being across the world; not so much. I looked at Sahim before I began to speak.

“So,” I said as I sighed. “I typically have a video call with my family in New York every week.”

“What’s so bad about that?” Sahim asked. “Unless you got some bad news from your folks back home.”

“No, no,” I said. “Not with my parents.” I looked back up at Sahim, nervous to finally say something that he never knew about me before. “With my daughter.” I could see Sahim’s eye widen for a split second before he gained his composure.

“Oh, your daughter,” Sahim repeated back as if he was trying to comprehend the information without flipping out. “How old is your daughter?” I stared at Sahim before answering.

“She’s 4,” I answered. “She started school back in September. Her class is going on a field trip today; ice skating,” I smiled as I spoke about Willow. Every time I stopped, I looked at Sahim to see if any reaction would show in his face. For once, he doesn’t look as transparent as he typically does with his feelings. He smiled when I smiled.

“What’s her name?” Sahim asked.

“Willow,” I answered. “Like the tree.”

“That’s a pretty name,” Sahim complimented. Sahim shifted in his seat before he continued to speak. “Are you and, uhm…”

“No, he’s married,” I said. “Of course, after we stopped being a couple.”

“Oh, okay,” Sahim says as he nodded his head. The food now comes, which I’m thankful for since he probably won’t be asking anymore questions as he eats. Of course, I was wrong.

“So is her father watching her while you’re away?” Sahim casually asked, looking more comfortable than he did before. He started to eat his food.

“She lives with her dad,” I admitted. Sahim looked back up, now looking uncomfortable once more. iThis is what I get for being honest with my life.

“Oh,” Sahim simply said. He continued to eat his food, in which I watched him do. I was getting defensive again.

“It’s not like I’m shitty mom,” I spat out, trying to save face. “I had her when I was still a lawyer and I was too young to–“

“Grace,” Sahim said to cut my thought off. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. I apologize for putting you in a position where you felt the need to explain.”

“If I don’t explain myself, then people automatically think I’m a shit mother,” I explained. “This isn’t the first time I sat across a stranger who made the same exact expression that you have on your face explaining my situation with my daughter.” I wanted to just walk out of this place and go hide in my hotel room before rehearsal later tonight. Why would I think that Sahim would understand such a weird and unconventional thing like this? No one is capable of understanding this without their judgement.

“The way that you live your life is nobody else’s business,” Sahim responded. “If it works for you, then that’s all that matters. The fact that you even make an effort to keep in touch with your family while you’re away says something different about you.”

“Yeah,” I scoffed. “It says “who is capable of leaving their child behind for a year for a job’?”

“Someone that doesn’t love their child enough to remember that they are also a parent,” Sahim answered. “From what you told me, you have these calls with your daughter every week. A kid can tell when their parent doesn’t really want to be around them; they don’t share anything about their lives, they stay quiet around them, and they simply feel better when that estranged parent finally leaves for the day.” Sahim sighed before he continued. “My father was a shitty father. He would only visit for Christmas, and then he would leave for another year until it was Christmas again.” I looked at Sahim, listening to him open up about something he probably wasn’t planning on opening up about for the sake of making me feel better about Willow. His story made me feel like someone can understand even the slightest bit of my own upbringings.

“My mother left me for her job,” I admitted. “For this production, as a matter of fact. The production was going to be in India. It was either me and my dad or her dance career. She chose her career. I didn’t see or hear from her until I was 17 years old, when I came to New York for a couple of months that my dad was working a case for.” Sahim didn’t say anything after that. I leaned back in my chair and sighed. I made it this far into the story, might as well just confess some more.

“Her dad told me that he signed her up for dance classes,” I started to explain. “I fear I’m continuing this generational curse where work means more than love and family. Like, why would she want to be like her mom that visits her through a screen once a week?”

“Because she probably doesn’t have this judgement on you,” Sahim answered. “Maybe she sees what you do and admires that her mom is a dancer. Is she tuning into the livestrea of the opening show?” I nodded yes.

“That’s all she talks about,” I said, smiling. “She’s so excited to watch.” I can feel tears forming in my eyes and I don’t catch the first couple of drops in time with a napkin. I quickly wiped my face with the napkin, trying to control the tears. “I’m sorry.”

“No need,” Sahim reassured. “Thank you for trusting me with your story, and thank you for listening to mine.” I looked at Sahim as he handed his napkin from his lap. I take it, smiling in return.

“I know this is not what you expected to get after kissing you in the nightclub the other night,” I joked, cleaning the wet tears off of my face. Sahim laughed and shook his head.

“No, but I think I like this better,” Sahim responded. We continued to eat our breakfast in silence, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. In a way, it was a mutual silence, one that symbolized us enjoying each other’s presence in this moment.

I sit at one of the vanity tables in the dressing room before rehearsal, trying to get a hold of Skylar by calling her. I look down at my phone, getting annoyed that she wasn’t picking up. I eventually give up when all of the other dancers begin to come into the dressing room to get ready for tonight’s rehearsal. I notice Aimee walking slowly to the seat next to me, clearly exhausted. I look at her before I start getting ready.

“Someone partied hard last night,” I teased, laughing at Aimee who is now giving me the death stare.

“Girl,” Aimee said as she takes her sunglasses off. “I was stupid for evening doing that last night knowing we had rehearsal today.” I shake my head as I continue to apply my makeup on.

“Have you spoken to Maurice?” I asked.

“Please, Maurice can party and work in his sleep,” Aimee pointed out. “He’s perfectly fine.” I laugh at Aimee’s response; that’s a very Maurice thing to do. Aimee finally looks at me before she starts getting ready at the vanity. “So even though I was tipsy as fuck last night, Maurice has eyes like a hawk.”

“Aimee, 3 drinks is being more than just tipsy,” I begin to say. “Plus, what happened to the ‘no drinking, just have fun because we’re professionals and shit?”

“I plea the fifth; now like I was saying,” Aimee continued on, avoiding my last statement. I laughed as she continued to speak. “Maurice has eyes like a hawk, and with his hawk eyes he couldn’t help but notice someone sucking face with another someone.” I can feel my face getting hot. Fuck. Busted. Aimee stops what she’s doing–and what I’m doing– to grab my full attention. “Did you and Sahim fuck last night?”

“Aimee!” I scolded her, trying to keep this conversation between us. “We did not…fuck last night.”

“Well Maurice said that you two were practically dry humping on the dance floor,” Aimee casually said as my eyes widen.

“Maurice needs to get his facts straight,” I pointed out. “Sahim and I… just kissed.” I try to keep my composure while saying that since I don’t want to give the impression that it was anything more than just that; even if the flashbacks of last night keep popping up in my head.

“No, you “just kiss” your friends on the cheek to greet them and shit; you guys were making the fuck out on that dance floor,” Aimee crossed her arms as she spoke. “You know I’m all for Grachim.”

“What?” I questioned. “What the fuck is Grachim?”

“Your ship name with Sahim,” Aimee answered. “It was either that or Sahace, but Maurice said that shit sounds like a pill you take to get rid of a STI.” I hold the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath; sometimes I am unwilling to handle the things that come out of Aimee’s mouth.

“Girl stop beating around the bush an tell me what happened!” Aimee caved in, now anxious to know what happened. I smile as I put my makeup back into its bag and begin tying up my hair.

“We had mocktails since, you know, sobriety,” I started to explain. “And we started to talk and he said something along the lines that he calls me ‘tiny dancer’, so I asked him if he had nicknames for all of the dancers in the production and he said that it was only me he had the nickname for.” I can feel my face get red as I recall the details. “He mentioned that he’s thought about me since first meeting in New York.”

“Oh, so he has game?” Aimee asked as she raised an eyebrow.

“Funny you mentioned that,” I started to explain. “Because I asked him if he took poetry in college because he had a way with his words. He asked me the same thing back and well I told him I’m a dancer, I talk with my body.” Aimee flails in her seat like a teenage girl, enjoying all the juicy details from last night.

“Girl,” Aimee began to say. “Who kissed who first?” I bit the bottom of my lip before answering her question.

“I did,” I looked at Aimee as I answered her. She’s loving every minute of this conversation. She laughs out loud and holds her hand out for a hi-five. I can’t lie, I was enjoying sharing this moment with Aimee; it was exciting and great to recall the amazing night out with Sahim.

“Look at a boss bitch making boss moves,” Aimee said as she cleans up her vanity area. “I’m fucking proud of you for letting yourself accept what you’ve been feeling. Like I’ve been telling you; Sahim seems like a great catch and I’m glad you’re allowing him to show you that.” Aimee gets up from her seat as I do as well, and we both begin to walk towards the exit of the dressing room. “You deserve a fucking gem after being with rocks all your life.”

Aimee and I walk down the hallway towards the backstage to begin rehearsals. We both hear the director call out for the dancers in our number to get into our positions on stage. Aimee runs to her spot on stage left as I stay on stage right. Has I watch the rehearsal for this dance number begin on stage, I feel someone touch my shoulder. I turn around to see it’s Sahim.

“Hey,” I smiled as I greeted him. He returned the greeting with his infamous smile.

“How are you feeling?” Sahim asked me. Giddy. Warm. All the butterflies permanently live in my stomach now.

“Exhausted,” I answered, settling with an answer that was only semi-true. “Definitely didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

“Definitely,” Sahim repeated. “Hopefully today’s rehearsal doesn’t worsen that exhaustion.” I looked back at the stage, watching the dancers rehearse the first part of the number.

“Hopefully,” I repeated back. There was a quick silence before Sahim said anything next.

“I had a great time at the club last night,” Sahim began to say. I looked back at Sahim as he spoke. He looked a little nervous when I turned around to look at him. “I, uhm, also want to apologize about what happened.” Apologize? For last night?

“What do you mean?” I asked, feeling the knot get tight in my stomach.

“I didn’t mean for things to get too far,” Sahim confessed. I left a little stupid now feeling what I felt last night. Why would he regret what happened last night? Did I not interpret him correctly? “Because now I can’t stop thinking about it.” My eyebrow cocked up, not expecting for the conversation to go in this direction.

“In a good way?” I asked.

“In a great way,” Sahim answered with a smile. “I didn’t know this was something that the tiny dancer does.” I laughed at Sahim’s comment, feeling much better than I did just a minute ago.

“I know that it’s so close to the show and rehearsals are pretty much our lives right now, but would you want to go out sometime? It could even be before rehearsals if we’re both too tired for dinner.” I asked, knowing that it’s almost my time to go on the stage for the number.

“Like breakfast?” Sahim asked.

“Breakfast sounds great,” I said, smiling. I looked toward the stage to get ready for my cue. I turn around one last time before i head onto the stage. “Tomorrow morning?”

“I’ll come to your door,” Sahim answered before I went onto the stage for rehearsal.

…

I tied my hair up into a messy bun once it was halfway dry after showering for the night. I look at the time on my laptop before sitting down in front of it. I took a deep breath before making the weekly video call back to America. I always get nervous when this time of the week comes; it’s like I never know if and when is a good time for me to say hi to everyone in New York, especially now that I’m out of touch with the time being over there. I pressed the phone icon to begin the video call and moments later, Max picks up the phone.

“Hey, Grace,” Max said in a hurry, looking as if he was in the middle of something before picking up the phone.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry; is this a bad time?” I asked, a little embarrassed now.

“No, no; it’s fine, I was getting Willow ready for school,” Max said, zipping a small pink and green backpack. “She insisted on wearing her favorite outfit today.”

“Ahh, yes,” I said and laughed. “She’s in her favorite outfit phase.”

“I just hope the other kids don’t tease her for it, you know?” Max explained, clearly worried.

“Well, her class is probably full of other kids her age that are also in their favorite outfit era,” I reassured Max.

“Some kid came dressed like a cowboy for a week straight,” Max recalled.

“That’s pre-school for you,” I said, noticing a little blur in the back of the room. Max turns around to see Willow coming down the stairs.

“Is that Mommy?” Willow shouts in the background. She runs towards Max in what I believe is her favorite outfit: a pink tutu shirt and a green, sparkly shirt with yellow boots. Fashionista. Willow is now sitting on Max’s lap, looking directly at the screen. Sh waves hi at the screen.

“Hi mommy!” Willow greeted. I smiled and waved back at her through the screen.

“Hi, Willow,” I greeted back; my smile never leaves my face. “Are you ready to go to school?” Willow nodded her head yes.

“We’re going on a trip today,” Willow excitedly mentions. “Ice skating!”

“Ice skating, wow,” I said as I look at Max. “You’re going to look so pretty with your tutu skirt while ice skating.”

“Oh! Mommy, mommy!” Willow randomly said as she wiggles herself off of Max’s lap. “Look what I can do!” Willow walks away from the camera and cutely excuses Max out of the way. Willow twirls and leaps; in a sense it’s like she’s ballet dancing. I smile wide as I watch Willow do the things I did when I was her age. Did Max and Mariam put her in a ballet class? When Willow is done, she bows as if she’s on stage. I clap as she finishes her little performance.

“That was so good, Willow!” I smiled as I said.

“Ms. Jeannie showed me how to spin,” Willow shared. Keeping the smile on my face, I looked over at Max, now looking a little nervous. Max slaps his thighs and lets out a loud sigh.

“Well, we have to get Willow ready for the school bus,” Max said as he looked at Willow. Willow pouted at Max. “Go and grab your winter coat from your closet, sweetie.” Willow runs back upstairs, and now it’s just Max and I on the call.

“Ms. Jeannie?” I asked. “Is that her pre-school teacher’s name?”

“No,” Max answered. He took a deep breath before continuing though. “That’s the name of her dance teacher.”

“You signed her up for dance?” I said, a little annoyed that Max would go behind my back on a decision like this. “Why would you go and put her in a dance class?”

“She wanted to dance,” Max began to explain. “So much that she threw a tantrum about it.”

“This isn’t the type of life I want for Willow,” I emphasized. I was worried that a generational curse was now in the works for my family. I feel like shit for even introducing dance to my daughter when I came to audition for the production back in New York. Of course a mother’s daughter would want to do the things their mother did; without even knowing, I followed my own estranged mother’s footsteps.

But I wanted more for Willow. I wanted Willow to discover life differently and find hobbies that didn’t require her to neglect every other thing in life. I don’t want her growing up to be like me.

“Grace, she’s 4,” Max pointed out. “She’s not making life-alternating choices at this age. The child is dressed in a tutu skirt and cowboy boots for God’s sake. I don’t say anything back as I see Willow walking down the stairs again with her coat on. Max turned around as he watched her coming toward the camera again.

“I’m ready, daddy,” Willow said as Max picked her up to have her sit on his lap once more.

“Say bye to mommy before you go,” Max said as he pointed toward the screen. I smiled once Willow looked directly in the camera.

“Bye, mommy!” Willow waved as I waved back. “I love you!”

“I love you too, sweetie,” I smiled and said back, wishing i was able to see and talk to her for longer. The time difference definitely makes things difficult for me to communicate with those back in New York.

“We’ll talk to mommy one more time before we see her show,” Max explained.

“Yes, I will send you guys the live stream link before the show next week,” I said before looking at Willow once more. “Have a good day on your trip, tiny dancer.” Both Max and Willow wave bye toward the screen as the video call ended. The smile quickly fades away from my face and take a deep breath in and out instead. I get up from my seat and walk towards my bed, falling on it with my back and shutting my eyes, hoping all these thoughts would go away when I eventually fall asleep.

“The dancers for the next number please be on standby,” Sahim calls through the intercom of the dressing room. I begin to get up from the vanity I’m sitting at to get ready to go backstage. Before I leave, Aimee walks up to me and grabs my arm.

“Yo, Grace,” Aimee says as I turn around to face her. “Whatcha doing tonight?”

“After rehearsal?” I asked before answering. “Probably just chill in my room, get ready for rehearsal again tomorrow.”

“Okay so here’s what you’re actually doing,” Aimee started as we began to walk out the dressing room with me. “We’re going to this dance club after the rehearsal with Maurice and a couple of other dancers. No drinking for obvious reasons, but we wanted to go out and celebrate the show opening up next week.”

“Why ask me if you already had an idea in mind about tonight?” I asked Aimee, clearly not amused with her antics. Aimee rolled her eyes at me.

“To be polite,” Aimee snapped back quickly. “But still, let’s go out with Maurice and the others and just have a good time! Just because we’re here for work doesn’t mean we can’y enjoy our time here.”

“I don’t know, Aimee,” I begin to say as we walked closer to the main stage. “I don’t know if I really want to spend my night in some club–” As soon as we turned the corner, we bump into Sahim who is behind the curtain with his equipment on his body. Sheesh, it looks heavy on him.

“Hey, ladies,” Sahim smiled as he greeted us. He directly looks at me and smiles even wider. “You’re on in 2 minutes for the ‘Before I Prosper’ number.”

“Thanks, Sahim,” Aimee answered before continuing with her question. “A bunch of us are going out tonight to the dance club to celebrate opening night next week. Grace is coming!” I looked at Aimee, not co-signing on this whatsoever. I looked at Sahim, smirking and crossing his arms along his chest.

“Grace? Out to a club?” Sahim teases and laughs. I can immediately feel my face get red. “That doesn’t sound like Grace at all.”

“Grace is in Korea,” Aimee emphasized. “She’s not gonna be the same person she was back in boring New York City!” I couldn’t get any words out in this moment and quite frankly, it was the safe thing to do when Aimee was running her mouth about something ridiculous. But, I enjoyed watching Sahim squirm in place, looking at me after every sentence that comes out of his mouth. He was adorable, but he was very transparent in what he was thinking.

“Well count me in, I can live by Grace’s philosophy of trying new things in a new country,” he answered to Aimee but kept eye contact with me the entire time. I felt giddy inside and kind of excited to go out to a club. I might as well make good memories with good people during my time here and if Sahim is a part of those moments, then they are bound to be great memories.

I smiled at Sahim before the director calls out for the next group of dancers to get on stage. While passing by Sahim, he whispers something into my ear.

“See you tonight, tiny dancer,” he said quickly as I walked by him. I felt my face get super hot. I walk onto the stage and look at Aimee standing in her spot. She definitely saw Sahim whisper in my ear since she is looking at me with a stupid grin on her face. I feel hot in the face and it won’t go away.

…

I walked out of the bathroom in Aimee’s room wearing a long sleeve dress with a princess cut on the top. It was green. Aimee and Maurice look at me and begin to shout and holler.

“Look at this baddie,” Aimee said, referring to my look. “She’s ready to fucking party.”

“She looks ready to do more than party with that Freakum dress on,” Maurice plays off of Aimee’s banter. Together they are force. “And I think I know who’s taking it off.”

“Stop,” I quickly shut down the thought. “I’m going out to celebrate the opening of the production next week.”

“Sweetie that ain’t stopping anybody wanting to get some tonight,” Maurice said and laughs out loud. Aimee agrees and laughs along with him as they hi-five each other.

“Why are you guys so obsessed about what Sahim and I do?” I asked the both of them. They look at each other before they look at me.

“Because you guys have been crushing on each other since we were in New York, ” Aimee begins to answer. “Anyone with two eyes can see that you guys are so into each other.”

“I mean, I’m not gonna say that Sahim isn’t attractive,” I began to say before Maurice and Aimee squeal like two teenage girls in high school. “But,” I continued to talk. “The last time I dated someone I was working with, I ended up with a daughter and single months later.”

“Girl, that’s in the past!” Maurice emphasized. “You were young and working at a law firm. You aren’t giving yourself enough credit that you are older and wiser. You deserve to be with a guy that is actually into you, and Sahim is into you.” A knock is heard on the front door of Aimee’s room. She gets up to answer it, which is one of the dancers in Aimee’s section. We all gather our things and head out to the nightclub.

…

We all enter the nightclub and are greeted by some of the other dancers and crew from the production. I guess this was more than just a night out with a small group. The lights are flashing along with the music playing, and the club is full of young people dancing along and having a good time. It was a good atmosphere to be in as a first time out at a club in Korea. Aimee and Maurice grab my hand and pull me towards the dance floor as soon as a song we knew began to play. I danced and laughed with them like I was back in college again with my friends. I don’t remember the last time I had a group of friends like this; friends that want you to have fun and have your back and make you feel like you are equal to them. I remember all of the friends I’ve had in my life, and nothing compares to how grateful I am to have met Aimee and Maurice at a time in my life where I felt alone. This is what friendship is suppose to feel like.

As I dance with my friends, I turn around and see Sahim walking toward our direction. I guess Maurice and Aimee noticed too, since I now have them both in my ear looking in the same direction as me.

“Girl,” Maurice reacted. “Sahim looking fine over there!”

“And I think he’s looking at you thinking the same thing,” Aimee added. I look at Sahim as he gets closer to us, and once he does, my friends make it very apparent that they are happy to see him here.

“Hey, Sahim!” Maurice calls out. Sahim laughs at Maurice’s approach. “We’re glad you made it tonight!”

“I’m glad I was convinced to come,” Sahim said as he looks at me. Sahim puts his hand into mine and slowly starts pulling me away from my friends. “Do you mind if I borrow her for a minute?” Aimee and Maurice look at each other before looking back at Sahim.

“You can take her for several,” Maurice began to say. “We don’t mind!” Both Maurice and Aimee said in unison and began to laugh. If you ever want someone to make anything obvious to someone, you can count on these two to make it obnoxiously obvious.

I walk away from my friends with Sahim; I can’t tell if it’s my palm that’s making this hand-holding a sweaty one, or if it’s his. Something tells me it’s mine; he would’ve pulled back if it was his. He turns around and talks loudly over the music playing.

“I know you don’t drink, so can I offer to buy you a nonalcoholic beverage?” Sahim asked.

“Of course you can,” I smiled as I answered. We walk toward the bar area and watch Sahim order two drinks.

“Two Roy Rogers,” Sahim confidently asked the bartender. The bartender nods and begins to make the drinks. This nightclub seemed to be popular with foreigners, so it was nice that the language barrier wasn’t an issue.

“You know if you want a real drink, you could totally get one,” I reassured Sahim. Normally, it would bother me that the people who know my sobriety would try to make it easier on me and order nonalcoholic drinks around me. At the beginning, it felt like a slap in the face that I was the reason why the people around me wouldn’t drink alcohol with me around. I understand how sobriety is for those who depended on alcohol to dissociate from reality, but just because I can’t casually drink without getting shitfaced and ruining my life, doesn’t mean everyone around me had to walk on eggshells in bar settings.

“Wanna know a little secret?” Sahim asked. I locked my eyes on him, waiting for him to spill. “I’m actually scared to drink in a foreign country.”

“I mean that’s reasonable,” I started to answer. “But you do know you’re technically living here for a year, right?”

“I don’t have to drink alcohol to feel good,” Sahim responded. The two drinks are now in front of us. Sahim thanks the bartender and takes a sip of his drink. “Especially when you’re around someone that makes you feel good.”

“And who would that someone be?” I teased. I loved seeing Sahim squirm whenever I flirted with him. It’s like he asks for it and then gets immediately shy when he gets it. It’s either that, or he already knows that I love seeing him smile.

“Just this tiny dancer,” Sahim flirted back. “I met her in New York and I couldn’t get her off my mind since.” Fuck. I asked for it, and now I’m immensely shy getting it back.

“Do you have a nickname for all of the dancers in the production?” I asked as I sipped on my drink. Who would’ve thought it be this fun flirting while drinking a mocktail?

“There’s dozens of dancers in it,” Sahim pointed out. “How could I possibly remember every single one of you guys?”

“You remember me,” I counteracted. I thought I had the upper hand in this until–

“You’re worth remembering,” Sahim quickly bounced back, making me completely speechless in the moment. Also, my face is now red; very red.

“Damn, for someone who works in tech, you sure do have a way with words,” I said as I leaned back on the bar chair, eyes locked on Sahim’s. “Did you write poetry back in college?”

“I actually did,” Sahim answered as he laughed. “I also very much enjoyed it.” I couldn’t help but laugh with Sahim. Spot on; back on top. “You must’ve done the same with your quick comebacks.”

“Nah,” I said, taking the last sip of my drink and then placed the glass on the bar counter. “I’m a natural-born dancer. I talk with my body.” Sahim chuckled to himself before stepping closer to me; I can smell the body wash on his skin. Warm Vanilla.

“What does your body say?” Sahim said towards my ear, and immediately I get goosebumps from the vibration of his voice against my eardrum.

“I don’t know,” I begin to say as I slide off the bar stool. I don’t break eye contact with Sahim until it’s nearly impossible to meet at his eye level.

I feel a wave of heat rushing through my body, like the circulation of my blood is rushing through every vein in my body. I can’t deny that Sahim and I have chemistry; clearly it’s apparent to more than just him and I. I like Sahim because he’s gentle, shy, but is straightforward with what he wants. I had a feeling Sahim had this crush on me way back during our rehearsals in New York, but I was too afraid to admit that I was feeling the same way. I don’t get the happy endings with the people I let into my life. I am known for ruining every good thing that happens to me. I was bound to think I was meant to be alone on the this world; not even my daughter helped with the loneliness I was meant to have.

But, maybe things are different. I’m different, older, and wiser. I have accepted that things in my past are meant to stay in the past. You are not the definition of your past experiences; they are a reflection of a person you once were is what Chelsea would tell me in therapy. I’ve worked so hard to be where I’m at currently; I’m in a foreign country to perform in one of the world’s best known dance productions with a group of people I have called my second famiy within the past couple of months of rehearsal. In this moment, me standing in the middle of a nightclub in Korea with Sahim, feels like the closest thing to home in a really long time. I didn’t even know I was capable of finding one again after everything that’s happened, but I know I deserve it just as much as the next person. I am worthy of goodness. I am worthy of feeling the butterflies in my stomach for a guy that I can see myself spending this year in Korea with.

I leaned towards his ear to finish what I was saying after standing up from my seat. “But she’s very talkative right now.” Sahim looks down at me and puts his hand out for me to grab. I grabbed it, and he then immediately walks me to the dance floor with him.

The lights are flashing and the bass of the current song hits against the speakers at the DJ booth. My hips move with the music, hitting every other beat that dancers tend to hear in music. Sahim softly places his hands on my hips as if he is listening to the music through the way my hips are moving. He begins to dance along with me, getting closer as the song continues to play. I placed my arms around his neck, looking up at him. Sahim’s award-winning smile is now an award-winning lip bite, and it’s now my new favorite thing that he does. I don’t see or hear anyone else besides Sahim in this moment; like this song and this dance floor was only meant for us.

I feel Sahim lower his head to touch my forehead as we continue to dance with each other. I can’t help myself anymore; I know I shouldn’t make things complicated by wanting to do this with a man I work with, but the longer I wait to do it, the more it eats me up inside. You deserve this.

I grabbed Sahim’s neck with my hands and slide them up to tangle my fingers in his curly hair. I lift my head and meet his lips with my own. I closed my eyes and kissed him; it wasn’t long after that Sahim started to kiss me back. Fuck. I can’t stop this now. I’m in too deep, and even then I want to get deeper. At this point, we stopped dancing and continued to make out on the dance floor. His lips are soft, even when I bite down on them. Before we finally pull away from each other, he gets his way and pulls on my bottom lips slowly with his teeth. When they snap back into place, Sahim bites down on his own tongue and chuckles as he smiles at me.

I can’t help but kiss him some more.