Sahim slowly opened the door to my hotel room and turned on the light. I slowly walked in, dropping my purse to the ground next to the door. I was exhausted from tonight’s events; all I wanted to do was just crawl under the covers and hide from the world.

“Grace,” Sahim softly called my name. I turned around to look at him before siting at the edge of my bed, yanking the heels off from my feet. “You should get some rest.”

“I can’t,” I said with a hoarse voice. “I have to call my dad…”

“That could wait until tomorrow,” Sahim insisted.

“No,” I firmly said. “It’s about 11 o’clock in the morning in America and I need to speak to my father now.”

“What you need to do is rest,” Sahim sternly responded back. “You need to have a clear mind to go into this type of conversation, and you’re clearly moving from emotion and–“

“No, Sahim; it can’t wait!” I yelled at this point. This was the first time I ever truly yelled at Sahim like this. I felt guilty; I know he just wanted to make me feel better and be there for me. But this is who I truly am: just somebody that needs to be left alone for her own well-being.

“Grace,” Sahim grounded himself, trying to help me focus. I didn’t want to; it was far too late to try to think rationally about this situation. “What good is it going to be to make a panicked call to your family across the country when you can’t even regulate your emotions in front of me?” Regulate?

“Because, I am tired of this shit!” I shouted even louder, not caring if anyone could hear me on our floor. “Do you know how it feels to be so far away from your family, but not just your family but from your own daughter, wanting nothing more than to be with her and hold her and let everything I’ve been worried about just erase away for a moment? This was her first birthday that I missed since she was born! I missed her first day of school, her first day on the school bus on her own going to school for a full day! Her firsts in everything this past year because I am across the country trying to fulfill this want and need and to just discover myself in a new country and leave my past in the past and yet here I am with the past and everything consistently reminding me of it!”

The room went silent. The city traffic was the only audible thing in our vicinity. I looked at Sahim as he looked at me trying to digest everything that just came out of my mouth. It was all true. It was all bottled up in me.

“Why are you running from your past?” Sahim asked softly. “How is your past here with you if this is your first time being in Korea?”

“My past follows me everywhere, Sahim,” I answered, defeat in my voice. “And I should’ve known that coming here would be the same way.” Sahim sat on the bed next to me, looking at me as I looked toward the ground.

“Grace,” Sahim gently said; his voice husky. “You can’t keep living in the past; it’s going to do nothing but eat you alive. You are here because you are meant to be here–“

“But at what cost?” I interrupted, questioning him. “My own family can’t even contact me to let me know what’s going on back in America, isolating me even more than I already was when it came to my family.”

“You also have to be able to contact them when you feel this way, though,” Sahim pointed out. I couldn’t help but look at him. It felt like he couldn’t understand what I was saying or where I was coming from. I couldn’t blame him entirely; he doesn’t know the full story. I shook my head, getting up from the bed and sighed.

“I shouldn’t have done this,” I said, looking around the hotel room.

“Done what?” Sahim asked.

“This!” I shouted. “I should’ve stayed in New York and lived on with my day as some lawyer that spent their free time in some stupid cafe with my daughter on the weekends and avoided coming to the one place I should’ve avoided–“

“Why would you avoid–” Before Sahim can even finish the sentence, I finally blurted it out. I yelled it so loud, the echo of my voice ringed in my ears.

“Because my fuckin’ ex lives here, that’s why!” I admitted, feeling angry more than relieved. “Everything was perfectly fine until it wasn’t, obviously.” Sahim scrunched his eyebrows together, seeming a bit upset about the secret I’ve hid from him.

“Have you’ve seen your ex since we’ve been…” Sahim tried to finish his sentence although he really wasn’t looking for an answer to it. “Since we’ve started dating?” I don’t answer right away. I was tired of lying to Sahim, and I was tired of hiding things from him at this point. What more can I lose at this point?

“Yes,” I answered, nonchalant. “I have.”

“So, you weren’t going to tell me you were secretly meeting up with your ex?” Sahim crossed his arms, now annoyed. “While already being in a relationship?”

“It’s kind of hard to avoid your ex when his best friend is your cousin’s boyfriend,” I spat back, feeling defensive. “Ask before you assume, Sahim.”

“It’s kind of hard to fully trust in your girlfriend when she tells her boyfriend months later that her ex lives in the one country she’s doing a production in,” Sahim snapped back. “I guess it makes sense now; you regretting coming here for work. Did you just come to win him back or something crazy like that?”

“Crazy?” I repeated, growing more angry at Sahim. “You of all people should know how much this production means to me. I left my daughter in America for this–“

“Yeah, you keep mentioning that,” Sahim responded. “But again, failed to mention that you’ve been in contact with your ex since being here!”

“For fuck’s sake, Sahim; Jamie is my goddamn ex!” I finally admitted out loud. “Jamie, you know, the guy that Shawn literally calls for everything when there’s trouble! You know, the guy that is dating my cousin, who literally calls me for everything when there’s trouble! It’s out of my power that he’s still in my life; it’s unavoidable at this point if I want to be in my cousin’s life!” Sahim clearly is now thinking before he says anything else; I can see he is trying to find the right words to say in this moment.

“Jamie?” Sahim asked.

“Yes,” I faintly said. “Jamie.”

…

“Jaemin,” I hear Haram call my name as soon as I get into the driver’s seat. The parking lot is dark, and all I wanted was to drive Haram back to her place in utter silence. I knew it wasn’t going to happen. “Jaemin–“

“Aigoo,” I whined. “Haram please; I have such a massive headache.”

“Jaemin, I have a bad feeling about that American girl,” she admitted, looking out the passenger’s window. “The way she talks to Shawn is so unlady-like. Maybe the universe is telling him he shouldn’t marry her.”

“Haram, you don’t know them,” I tried to explain. “Shawn and Skylar are not your conventional couple.”

“Yeah, I know; she’s American,” Haram emphasized. “The way she behaved in front of everyone did not make her look good. She seems like one of those women who only date Asian men to say they dated Asian men. No consideration to their culture whatsoever–“

“Ya,” I said, growing annoyed at Haram’s attitude. “You talking about another woman behind her back after witnessing her distraught does not make you look good.”

“I’m speaking from what I witnessed,” Haram argued. “It just doesn’t seem like they are even compatible, yet alone get married–” Once I got to a red light, I stopped the car abruptly, jolting Haram and I forward in our seats.

“Let me say this one more time: you do not know them well enough to make any type of assumptions like that,” I stated, looking back at the road and started to drive again. “I’ve known Shawn forever now as he was my own brother. Skylar is the first woman he’s been serious about because she is the type of woman he needs to balance him out.”

“Why are you defending her more than Shawn was back at his hotel?” Haram questioned, annoyed now. “What’s so special about Skylar that you are choosing to excuse such poor behavior? Would you have excused that behavior if I did it in front of your closest friend and his girlfriend?”

“You’re not Skylar; her etiquette is different than ours,” I deadpanned, trying to get off this conversation already. “Look, let them work things out regarding their relationship and they’ll be fine–“

“Until the next time he’s running to you for help with his relationship,” Haram rolled her eyes as she said. “You won’t ever be able get out of this vicious cycle if you don’t set a boundary with him. You are not their relationship therapist, Jaemin.”

“Shawn is my friend, Haram. Wouldn’t you go and help your friends when they are in need?” I questioned as I drove.

“My friends don’t need my constant reassurance that their relationships are actually working out,” Haram spat out, shaking her head. “My friends know I have a life outside of them.”

“Well, that makes us different,” I dismissed, wanting to drop the entire conversation already. Haram turned around in her seat; her body now facing me.

“I am just voicing my opinion on a situation that you dragged me into tonight,” she pointed out. “You don’t need to be so defensive over your friend’s girlfriend.”

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about; that’s my main issue,” I raised my voice, needing her to understand where I was coming from. “You don’t know Skylar to be making those assumptions, as I told you, like, 10 minutes ago–“

“How did they even meet?” Haram asked. Her question caught me off-guard.

“Huh?” I said, not really knowing what else to say.

“Did you introduce Skylar to Shawn or something? You’re defending her as if she was once your girlfriend or something–” I immediately stopped the car on the side of the road, turning on the light in the car to finally face Haram.

“What is your problem tonight?” I argued. “You’ve done nothing but talked badly about the people I chose to introduce you to. It means I care about you enough to introduce to people that mean a lot to me.”

“Answer my question, Jaemin,” Haram demanded. “How does a native Korean man just know some random, American girl without some sort of a connection?”

“Does it make any difference?” I said even louder. All I wanted was for Haram to let this go and to stop asking all of these questions. No, I do not want to continue having this conversation about somethin I am constantly battling internally with.

“She was your girlfriend, wasn’t she?” Haram scoffed and turned her body away from me, facing the window. “That’s unbelievable, how you would just allow your ex-girlfriend to fall in love with another man, but I guess–

“Ya!” I shouted, now fuming. “Skylar isn’t my ex-girlfriend, Grace is!” I looked at Haram, who is now looking back at me.

“Grace? Who–” Haram asked before realizing who I was talking about. “The redheaded woman that was with us at the hotel room?”

“Yeah,” I said, “Skylar’s cousin.”

…

I finally get back to my house after dropping Haram off at her apartment. She didn’t say anything to me once I told her about Grace. She simply looked out the window and didn’t even bother looking at me for the rest of the car ride. I dropped her off in front of her apartment building, and told her I would call her. She slammed the door, walking straight to her apartment, never looking back at me.

I parked my car on the street and got out from the driver’s side; I wanted nothing more than to just go straight into my house and collapse into my bed. I didn’t. I froze in place as soon as I got to my front steps.

“Grace?” I said, looking at her sit on the steps. She looks at me and gets up, brushing off the dirt from her clothes.

“Hi.” She said.

Aigoo, Shawn. I tried my hardest not to speed down these roads, but I was so anxious in what I was going to walk into when I got to Shawn.

“Oppa,” I hear Haram say. “Slow down a bit, please?” I let out a deep breath and began to slow the car down. I didn’t need for her to get hurt in the process of my utter panic.

“I’m sorry,” I said to Haram at a red light. “Shawn was in Seoul not too long ago, so I don’t understand why he’s back here now.”

“I’m sure he is fine,” Haram reassured. “Maybe he needs a favor from you or something.” Yeah, and God knows what the fuck is happening.

“He was in Seoul with his girlfriend to meet his family,” I began to explain. “Aigoo, what if he tried to propose to her and she said no?”

“Why would she say no?” Haram asked. “I’m sure that her family and his family are willing to come together for a beautiful ceremony here–“

“Haram, she’s a foreigner,” I added, briefly looking over to her before looking at the road. Haram didn’t seem phased at my comment.

“Foreigners marry Koreans all the time,” Haram added. “One of my coworkers married a Japanese man and were able to work all the details out–“

“No, you’re not understanding what I’m telling you,” I interrupted her, looking toward the road as the light turned green. I was growing annoyed now. “She’s from America.” Haram doesn’t say anything back; she knows exactly where I was going with this.

“Well that’s a pretty valid reason for her to say no to a marriage proposal,” Haram commented, looking out the window. “It’s not like she can move her entire life in a foreign country like Korea and I doubt Shawn would want to move so far away from his family.” I couldn’t be upset over Haram’s logic; she had never been in the shoes of someone that loved a person from a foreign country with a completely different culture. I didn’t want to have her thinking she did or said anything wrong, considering that she has no idea that I knew what it felt like to be in Shawn’s shoes.

…

We finally got to the hotel that Shawn sent us the address to; I quickly got out of the car as soon as I parked it. Haram followed behind me.

“Ya, what room and floor are you on?” I asked Shawn over the phone, power-walking into the hotel. Haram and I walk inside and straight to the elevator, pressing the number floor Shawn told me. I hung up to phone once the elevator started to move. Haram looked at me, trying to calm me down.

“Jaemin, it’s going to be fine,” she started to say. “Shawn would rathe have his friend be more level-headed since he’s going through something.” I took a deep breath, releasing all of the nerves stored in my body. Once we reached the right floor, we walked down the long hallway towards Shawn’s hotel door, knocking on it.

“Ya,” I said, growing anxious the more time passes. “It’s Jamie, Shawn.” The door opens and there stands Shawn. His face is red and his eyes are puffy. “Shawn?”

“Hyung,” Shawn whimpered before collapsing on my chest, crying his eyes out. “It’s over.”

“What?” I asked, moving this conversation into the hotel room. “What’s over?”

“My relationship with Skylar,” he said out loud. “She said no to my marriage proposal in front of my family.” I sighed, feeling hurt for Shawn. I looked over at Haram who stood behind me, watching everything happening.

“Can you get me a bottle of water for Shawn, please?” Haram nodded and walked towards the kitchen area. I looked back at Shawn as I started to hand him some tissues. “What happened?” I asked Shawn.

“Everything was going great,” Shawn began to explain. “My family was getting along with Skylar and I thought it was the perfect time to finally pop the question.”

“Shawn,” I began to say, knowing that this was a bad idea to begin with.

“I finally popped the question and she looked at me horrified,” Shawn sobbed as he spoke. “She ran to the bathroom and just,” Shawn couldn’t finish his sentence without crying after each sentence. Haram came back with the water and handed it over to me. I thanked her before giving it to Shawn.

“Where is she now?” I asked.

“She went out,” Shawn answered. “She said she needed to clear her head but that was like four hours ago.”

“You let her go out by herself?” I questioned. “Shawn, we aren’t in America; where the hell would she go for so long?”

“I don’t know!” Shawn shouted. “Who knows if she went to the airport and flew back home? This is Skylar we’re talking about!”

“If she’s still staying with you, she wouldn’t leave without you,” I said, trying to reassure Shawn. I don’t know Skylar that well to know what is going through her mind, but what I do know is that she’s smart and she wouldn’t leave a foreign country by herself. “Maybe she just needed to clear her mind. She’ll be back–“

Before I could finish, the front door opened and Skylar walks in. She’s not alone, but I wasn’t expecting her to be with her cousin. Not tonight. Not right now. Skylar looks at Shawn; frozen in place. I look at Grace, standing behind her boyfriend, Sahim.

“Of course you called him,” Skylar spat out at Shawn. Shawn wiped his eyes, now angry at the situation.

“Of course you called Grace!” Shawn shouted at Skylar. I immediately stepped in between the two, especially to calm Shawn down. I’m assuming Grace was doing the same with Skylar since we briefly bumped into each other.

“Sky, relax,” I hear Grace tell her cousin. I turn around and look at Shawn.

“Ya,” I looked at Shawn as I said. “You have to calm down.”

“Now the whole fucking town of Changwon-si knows about us,” Shawn growled, looking at Skylar the entire time. I tried to block his view from her as best as I could; all I needed from Shawn was to focus and not be driven toward emotion in this moment.

“Now the whole city of Seoul knows that you proposed and I said no!” Skylar spat out over Grace’s shoulder as she tried to keep Skylar away from Shawn.

“All you had to do was say yes and we wouldn’t be having this discussion right now!” Shawn responded as I continued to hold him back. For one brief moment, my back touched Grace’s as I tried to keep Shawn away from Skylar. I immediately felt her jump in place when I did. I turned around the apologize to her, but she quickly responded before I did.

“Watch it,” Grace said in a low voice. I didn’t say anything back to her. As soon as Grace and I looked at each other, both Shawn and Skylar were out of our vision. They began to argue in the middle of the hotel room and now everyone got involved in separating the two once and for all. Haram came up to me to help with Shawn as Sahim went to go help Grace. At this point, everyone was talking on top of each other. Skylar was the one to shut everyone up.

“That’s enough!” Skylar shouted at the top of her lungs. Everyone went quiet, including Shawn. He wasn’t happy, but he obeyed his girlfriend. Skylar looked at Haram first. “I am so sorry; I don’t even know who you are and here I am just yelling at him,” Skylar cocked her head toward Shawn. I held Shawn to the chair once I felt him about to get up from his seat. “I’m Skylar, Shawn’s girlfriend–“

“You should–” Shawn spat out. I immediately slapped his shoulder to shut him up. If he wanted to eventually marry Skylar, he needed to learn how to shut up.

“I’m Haram; Jaemin’s girlfriend,” Haram bowed as she introduced herself. Aigoo. I quickly looked at Grace but her back was facing me as she looked at Sahim.

“You would call Jamie when he’s with his girlfriend, Shawn?” Skylar pointed out to Shawn. Her face was red; I’m assuming she was embarrassed for behaving this ay in front of someone she did not know.

“You called Grace when she was out with her boyfriend!” Shawn spat out, attempting to get out of his chair once again. Sahim finally walks forward to speak as if him contributing to anything will change the outcome.

“Let’s get the story before we start making assumptions,” he said, looking at Skylar. “Skylar, you go first.”

“Shawn and I were in Seoul to see his family. This is the first time I ever actually got to meet them in person, so of course I was nervous. Everyone is eating a lovely dinner that his mother cooked and put together and everything was going completely fine until he had to dig into his pocket and put me on the spot and asked me to marry him!”

“You could’ve told me in a more discreet way!” Shawn commented. “Instead, you ran out of the living room and locked yourself in the bathroom!”

“Where else was I suppose to go? I am in the middle of a country that I have no access around!”

“Alright, alright,” Grace finally intervened, stepping in between Skylar and Shawn. I did the same, worried that the two of them would step over her. She is the smallest person in this room. She turns her head toward Shawn. “Did you plan on proposing when you came out here?”

“I’ve been planning to propose to Skylar for months,” Shawn admitted. “I wanted to do it away from all the chaos that was happening in California.”

“Chaos?” Grace questioned, looking at Skylar. She doesn’t say anything.

“I would’ve thought you told your own cousin about your dad,” Shawn pointed out.

“What’s wrong with Uncle Mason?” Grace asked Skylar. Again, Skylar doesn’t say anything. “Sky?”

“Nothing, Grace,” Skylar answered, annoyed. She looked over at Shawn. “You feeling sorry for me doesn’t give you the right to randomly ask me to marry you.”

“Randomly?” Shawn asked, annoyed.

“We did not discuss marriage in our future, Shawn!” Skylar pointed out.

“Something like doesn’t get discussed! People who love and care for each other and see each other in their futures get married!”

“I think what Skylar is trying to say,” Haram intervened. I quickly looked at Haram, hoping she was able to read the room. She wasn’t able to. “Is that for her, she would’ve rather something like this be done when both of you are ready.” Shawn looked at Haram before turning his head to me.

“Hyung,” Shawn simply said. I turned to Haram, gently pushing her away.

“Haram, this isn’t the time–“

“I think Haram is right,” I hear Sahim add to the conversation. I turned around, annoyed that he’s even here putting any input on a situation he knows nothing about. “Skylar was probably going through a lot and couldn’t respond in the way she wanted to–“

“Shawn is known to be… spontaneous with the things he cares about,” I added, not really knowing where I was taking this.

“With all due respect, I don’t care how either one of you guys feel,” Grace said, walking in between Skylar and Shawn and slightly nudging me away from the standing space. She turned around to Skylar. “You called me on my date with Sahim to be a comfort for you when you’ve been hiding something from me this whole time?”

“I haven’t hid anything from you,” Skylar corrected. “This isn’t any of your business to begin with–“

“If it involves my family, it does!” Grace shouted, not allowing anyone speak about the proposal anymore. “How could you share something about my family to Shawn, but not me? Is it because I’m not in America or something?”

“Grace, just drop it,” Skylar now raised her voice, getting angry at Grace. I didn’t want this to get anymore out of hand, especially if this is the place that Shawn and Skylar are staying.

“Grace,” I tried to move back to where I was once standing, to be in charge of the conversation so that a resolution could be made. I forgot how combative this girl can be.

“Don’t fucking touch me, Jamie!” Grace spat out, yanking her arm away from me. “Skylar, what the fuck is going on–“

“My dad is dying, for fuck’s sake, Grace!” Skylar finally admitted. “He got screened for cancer and guess what fucking came up? Cancer!” Grace doesn’t say anything back. Skylar looks at Grace with tears forming in her eyes. “There! Are you fucking happy?”

“I–” Grace’s voice was hoarse. She grabbed her purse from the bed and starts to walk out of the room. “I have to call my dad–“

“Grace,” I said, quickly looking at Sahim. He also called out for her as well. Grace opened the door and walked out, and of course Sahim followed behind her. I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t comfort her. I couldn’t be the one to drive her back to her place and help her with anything she needed at this time. Sahim was the one that needed to do that. I just need to be there for Shawn right now.

“Shawn,” I began to say, looking down at him. “You have to talk to Skylar with a straight head on your shoulders.”

“But hyung, I–“

“Ya,” I shouted, not wanting to hear another excuse come out of his mouth. “You need to talk to Skylar. You need to sit down with her and talk to her, not at her. She is human, Shawn.” Shawn doesn’t look at me this time; his face is looking down at the floor now. I turned around and see Skylar standing there with her arms crossed. “I apologize on Grace’s behalf.”

“You didn’t do anything,” Skylar said.

“Grace is going to be the last to know about a lot of things because she’s so far away from home. No one is going to call her. No one is going to message her about any bad things happening back in America. No one wants her to worry while she’s here. Grace needs you as much as you need her.” She wipes the tears off from her face, still trying to keep a strong face on. I look at Shawn once more before I let out a deep sigh. “Both of you; try not to kill each other tonight.” I started to walk out of the hotel room, dragging my feet along the carpet with exhaustion in my body. I can hear Haram follow me before she says something out loud.

“It was nice meeting you, Skylar,” Haram said. Again, read the room. Skylar doesn’t say anything back to her.

…

I walked out of the hotel front doors, racing to get back to the car. Haram follows me, trying to keep up with y walking pace.

“Jaemin, hold up,” I hear Haram’s voice and footsteps running toward me. She looks at me. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Harm; just exhausted,” I said, finally getting to our car. Before I enter the driver’s side, I notice another couple near a car on the opposite side of the parking lot. I know it’s Grace. The taller person hugs the smaller one and kisses her forehead for comfort. Suckerpunch, right in the gut.

“Jaemin?” Haram called out for me from the passenger’s side. I shake off the feeling and I’m back to reality. I looked at Haram and immediately opened her side of the car. I finally entered the driver’s side to leave.