Category: The Unwritten Pages.

I didn’t look back once I walked up the stairs to my house. I could only hear Milo sighing and slamming his car door shut. I hate the fact that he has to come into the house to pick up his son; it just makes the whole situation even more awkward.

I opened the front door, holding it open for Milo. I hoped that in entering the house, no one was hanging out in the living room to see me and Milo walk in with each other. It was bad enough that my mother had this misconception that I “came back for a certain reason”; that reason being to rekindle my long-lived friendship with Milo.

Of course, things don’t work out in the way I want them to, and everyone is in the living room when Milo and I come in.

My mom is on the couch, looking with her big eyes in my direction. My younger sister, Mars, is standing next to her boyfriend Dennis, while my youngest sister Mollie and Milo’s son Milo are sitting in the corner at a table. Oh. My. God.

“Peppie!” My mom greeted me before greeting Milo. “I wasn’t expecting you to be back tonight.”

“Nicki had a last minute appointment tomorrow morning.” I wanted to leave it at just that and not have to explain that Milo insisted to drive me back to Brooklyn, but of course Milo had to chime in somehow.

“I figured we were both going to the same place, so I gave her a ride home,” Milo added. I could feel the internal eye roll happen as he spoke.

“That was really nice of you, Milo,” my mom praised him as if he was doing her a favor of some sort. I looked over at the table where his son and my sister were sitting, watching the two kids get up from their seats. Milo’s son packs his things in a bag before putting it on, and walked in our direction.

It was surreal to see just how much Milo has grown since the last time I saw him. His hair was much more curly, and he was much taller than what I remember. God, I remember when he was just a baby. He walked to his father and Milo tussles his hair. The gesture was sweet.

“You’re ready to go, bud?” Milo kneed to his son’s height, smiling as he spoke. He nodded his head shyly, hiding behind Milo’s leg as he stood back up. “We’re gonna get going; thanks for watching Milo for me tonight, Lydia.”

“You know Milo is always welcomed here; you both are like family,” my mom smiled at Milo and his son.

The comment made my stomach turn, not because it bothered me, but because there was some truth behind it. My family housed Milo and his son when we were teenagers, two weeks after his girlfriend gave birth and tragically passed away after battling cancer. No one in my family knew that Milo had this secret life; one where he became a teen dad a day before his 16th birthday.

“Peppie, can you answer that? I’m feeding the baby,” my mother shouted from the other room. I rolled my eyes, getting up from the sofa while watching the new episode of some trashy VH1 dating show. I opened the front door and to my surprise it was Milo.

“Milo?” Milo stood there with a singular suitcase in one hand, a baby seat in the other. Milo’s face is pale and puffy. He looked defeated. Lost. Unable to speak even. I looked down at the baby sleeping soundly in the carrier.

“Who is it?” Mom shouted out loud. I didn’t know what to say. I froze in place, hoping that what I thought happened didn’t. The more time passes by, the more I realize it is. “Peppie?” I turned around and see Mom walking into the living room, in plain sight of the front door. She’s holding my baby sister, walking toward the front door. She immediately looked down and stood in place.

“Mom,” I began to say, trying to make sense of the situation.

“Whose baby is that?” she simply asked in an almost hushed tone. Before I was able to answer my mother, Milo spoke for the first time.

“This is my son, Milo.” I looked at Milo’s face as he spoke, sullen and absolutely crushing. He was spiraling down, and I needed to do something about it.

“Can Milo stay with us?” I asked quickly, not letting anyone direct the conversation. My mom looked so confused, as if seeing a 16-year-old boy call a baby his son wasn’t confusing enough.

But I knew why Milo was here with a suitcase and his son, and I know why his first thought was to come to me for help; because we were somewhat like family, and my mom knew that he was.

The front door shut behind Milo and his son. I turned around to see my mother smirking.

“So,” she began to say, amused. “Milo drove you home tonight, huh?”

“Mom,” I said, sighing at the thought.

“I’m just saying, destiny put you and Milo together in the same vicinity again.” My mom looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “Maybe it’s trying to tell you something.”

“Yeah; that I need to get my license so I can drive myself to places,” I said, walking toward the kitchen. My mom and I’s relationship got stronger in the time I was away from home. I felt like she was finally seeing me as an adult rather than just her daughter. This was one of those moments that she was balancing them both.

“You and Milo have been best friends since you were kids. You guys fight over everything and still made up.”

“What’s your point?” I asked, knowing my mom was sugarcoating the real conversation. The smile faded from Mom’s face, knowing her tactics from when I was a kid will not work on her 25 year old daughter.

“You just don’t drop someone that has always been like family,” she spat back, now in a more non-bullshit tone. “Plus, your sister is best friends with Milo’s son.”

“That has nothing to do with me,” I said nonchalantly, grabbing the bowl of fruit from the fridge. Mom swipes it away, grabbing my full attention. “Mom?”

“Pep. I know you so well. I know Milo just as well, and I know there’s been times in the past when… friendship crossed its boundaries into different territory–“

“Milo literally told me that Cullen was only going to marry me to be his caregiver, Mom! This was more than just a simple argument.”

“They’re all never simple when it comes with Milo.” I hated how right my mom was when it came to Milo. If there was any adult in my life that knew how deep my friendship with Milo was, it would be her. Still, it bothered me when she would remind me just how complicated our friendship was.

“Mom, this time is different. Things were said that shouldn’t have been said, and–“

“That never stopped you from being friends before.” I gave my mother this certain look, one that she knows it’s the face of uncertainty. Younger Pep would’ve been super angry at Milo, not talk to him for a couple of periods in the day, and then somehow meet up for pizza at the shop to talk things through. Even though I am older now, I feel like I am letting my younger self down by not trying to work things out with Milo. What if he doesn’t want to work things out? What if he’s still with Marielle and that’s why he’s acting the way he’s acting. I mean, I’m not being any better if I’m also holding on to the–

“Peppie?”

“Huh?” I snapped out of my spiraling thoughts, now focused on my mom. She sighed as she walked by, patting my shoulder along the way.

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can’t expect new tricks to make sense if you don’t know your old dog.” My mother spoke in ridiculous riddles in times like these; I’d like to believe she grew up watching too much 90’s family sitcoms or something. But, in a sense, I know what she was talking about.

I couldn’t sleep that following night. I stared up at the ceiling fan, spinning endlessly in its loop. One year and six months. One year and six months since Milo actually spoke to each other, and for one year and six months, my life was completely different. For one year and six months, I lived a life that I thought I wanted. One away from my family, away from New York, away from Milo.

How did we even get here? Did it have to take Cullen’s passing for me to realize I was living someone else’s life? Did it have to take me leaving everything behind in North Carolina for me to realize that New York was always supposed to be home? Did it take everything that happened in this past year and six months to realize that I was running from everything from my own life.

…

I nervously bounce my leg as I sat at the pizza booth; the same one I sat at when I was younger. The pizza shop didn’t change one bit since last being in here. It’s busier these days, as they aways were during the summertime. Every time the bell of the door rang I turned my head, looking at who entered the shop. You’re acting manic, Pep. I sighed, shutting my eyes for a slight second to ease the never ending thoughts.

“Pep?”

I looked up, seeing Milo stand there.

The house didn’t feel like home, even when Cullen was still here. It didn’t even feel like an empty house; it was just vacant space that I do not belong in.

I had left New York in 2016 mainly because Cullen needed to be closer to his family. Cullen was my fiancée, a man that I met back in college. He was an artist, and had a vivid imagination as he painted. He was passionate, and it took me falling in love with him to learn of his chronic disease. He was the man I was engaged to, with our wedding to come in just three months before he passed. He was a good man, so much that I never felt like a good woman. I felt like a caregiver living only for his life. A part of him knew that eventually that’s all that he saw in me.

I remember leaving every piece of furniture, appliance, and silverware behind, only taking the most important things to me. I returned every piece of dance clothing to Clementine, my dance instructor here in North Carolina. In the time I spent there, she was the one person that I was able to talk to and trust. She knew everything that happened between me and Cullen. She was the one that understood the pain I was going through when he passed away. She was also the one that encouraged me to come back home, reminding me that was always something waiting for me when I did. It’s been weird to go from living in a huge house to an apartment at my mother’s house, but at least I was able to come back to love and support during a time I thought I had lost it all.

Danny and Nicki were the people that had met me at the airport, welcoming me with open arms. I don’t think I’ve ever saw Nicki cry as much as she did when she saw me that day.

“Nic,” I said, trying to hold back the tears. She pulled herself out of the hug, giving me a good look before she said anything.

“I’m sorry, I’m just still in shock that you’re actually standing in front of me.” I smiled, looking down at her tiny belly. “You’ve obviously missed a lot.”

“I sure did,” I teased, smiling as I looked at both of my friends. “Thank you for picking me up today; my mom doesn’t even know I’m back in New York.”

“She doesn’t?” Danny intervened. I shook my head, which surprised them both.

“So, you’re just going to show up to your mom’s house like it’s nothing?”

“Yep.” Both Danny and Nicki stopped in their tracks, looking at me with this peculiar look on their face. “What?”

“Are you going to tell Milo?” Nicki asked. I haven’t physically heard Milo’s name in almost a year, so hearing it now sounds foreign to my ears.

“Why would I tell him?”

“Pep,” Nicki sighed as she said. “You do realize that we are also friends with Milo, right?”

“And what does that have to do with me?” I asked, crossing my arms along my chest.

“We also know Milo is still close with your family. His son is still really close to your sister.” I wasn’t surprised to hear that Milo’s son was still good friends with my youngest sister, Mollie; it was the fact that he was still so close to them, as if he was unofficially declared a member of our family or something.

“What Milo chooses to do with his son has nothing to do with me,” I dismissed, walking away from the couple toward the parking lot exit.

“Pep,” I hear Danny call out. I don’t turn around until I hear Nicki yelling my name now.

“Pep, are you serious?”

“Did you forget how Milo and I even stopped being friends?” I spat out, turning around to face the couple. “He said horrible things about my relationship with Cullen–“

“After you said horrible things about his relationship with Marielle,” Nicki spat back.

“Are you serious taking his side right now?”

“Pep,” Nicki said, crossing her arms along her chest. “We are not in high school anymore. We are too grown to be taking sides. I love you both, but Danny and I have more important things going on in our lives than to pick sides on something that was equally both of your fault.” I knew Nicki was right. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Sure, Milo and I have gotten into heated arguments before, but this one felt different. This one felt tiresome, and deep rooting all the way back to the beginning of our friendship. Friendship.

I sighed, keeping my stoic composure. “To answer your question; no, I am not telling Milo I’m back in New York.”

…

“Yes, we’ll be there tomorrow morning; thank you so much for reaching out to us,” I heard Nicki say in the other room over the phone. Danny, Milo, and I sat at their kitchen table awkwardly. No one said a word, and Danny knew better and not have us engage in conversation without Nicki’s supervision. Nicki walked back into the kitchen after her phone call, sitting next to Danny before letting out a deep breath. “Sorry that we have to cut this night short, but our OBGYN has an opening for us tomorrow that we can’t miss.”

“Is everything okay?” I asked, worried something was wrong with their baby.

“Everything’s fine, it’s just that this pregnancy has been high-risk for me, and they want to make sure that everything is going along alright.” I knew that Nicki’s pregnancy wasn’t easy for her since the moment she told she they were expecting. Knowing how hard they both have been trying to conceive since getting married, they moved extremely cautious to make sure everything was alright this time.

“Take it easy, Nic,” Milo said, getting up from his chair. “I should get going anyway; I have to pick up Milo to get him ready for school tomorrow.”

“What time is your appointment?” I asked Nicki.

“8 in the morning.” Fuck. I was supposed to be staying the night at Nicki’s and have them drive me back to Brooklyn in the morning for my dance class. I guess that suggestion is out the window.

“I’ll start getting ready to head on back to Brooklyn—”

“How? You don’t drive.” I looked at Nicki, not amused that she called me out.

“There’s something I discovered long ago called public transportation,” I said sarcastically. It made Danny snicker before Nicki gave him the evil eye.

“You’re not taking the train at this hour, Pep.” I turned around and heard Milo speak to me for the first time in over a year. “I’ll take you back to Brooklyn.”

“Why would I do that?” I spat back, crossing my arms.

“We’re both heading in the same direction.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“I’m not offering the ride, I’m telling you that I will drive you back to Brooklyn.”

“Pep, just take the fucking ride,” Nicki intervened, sighing as she stood in between Milo and I. “You’re not going to get a train at this hour anyway—”

“Fine, I’ll just walk back to Brooklyn,” I said, grabbing my things from the side table in the front hallway. I felt someone grab my shoulder and forced me to turn back around; it was Nicki, and she was visibly furious.

“Pep, I don’t give a shit about your past with Milo; I care more about your wellbeing and if I’m telling you to take the ride back to Brooklyn with Milo, I’m telling you to take the fucking ride back to Brooklyn with Milo.” She grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, which surprises both the guys in the hallway with us. “Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes,” I quickly answered. She let go of my collar, and stared directly at me. “Seems like you got the disciplinary mom part down packed.”

“Thank you,” Nicki said as she smiled. Pregnant Nicki would eat 1st grade bully Nicki for breakfast.

…

Milo and I didn’t talk much on the ride back to the city. I sat in the passenger’s seat as he drove, the radio playing music on low volume. I did not expect that one of the first things I would do while being back in New York was to be in the same car was Milo, let alone have him drive me home.

At a red light, Milo grabs his phone from the dashboard and starts texting someone. I looked at him, rolling my eyes as he’s probably texting his girlfriend or something.

“You’re gonna get a ticket,” I said out loud, not looking at Milo.

“We’re at a red light—”

“But the car is still on,” I finally turned around to look at Milo. His hair was longer than I remembered. Last year, he wasn’t even able to tie it up in a ponytail to get it out of his face. Now, his hair sits comfortably in one, hanging down his back. He also barely had any facial hair the last time I saw him too; now, he has something going on with his face.

Milo put his phone down and continued to drive, not adding anything to the conversation. I turned my head to face the window, wishing for this ride back to Brooklyn could go by faster.

“Are you back at your mom’s place?” Milo asked.

I turned around, annoyed now. “What makes you think I’m living at my mom’s house?”

“Pep, I’m just asking a ques–“

“Do not call me that,” I emphasized, pointing my finger at him. At another red light, Milo turns his head to face me again to speak.

“Do you think I want to be in this car with you, driving in heavy traffic back to Brooklyn after everything we went through?”

“Fine.” I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the passenger door, walking out onto the sidewalk.

“Pep–“

“Go!”

“Are you fucking crazy?! I’m not leaving you on the side of the road at 12:30 in the morning!”

“No! I’m walking home from here!” Milo stopped the car and got out of the driver’s side, now facing in my direction.

“Pep, I swear to God if you don’t get back into this car, I will personally put you back in it myself!” I stared at Milo, knowing that he didn’t really mean it. But, this is a version of Milo that I haven’t known for the last year and a half. I sighed and walked back to the car, entering it without saying a word.

The rest of the ride was quiet; we both didn’t even bother saying a word to each other. Growing up, you couldn’t get us to shut up on car rides. My mom used to take Milo and me to the amusement park as kids during the summer. We would talk about anything and everything that crossed our minds. It stings to sit here with Milo with nothing to say.

We finally got back to my mom’s house, and Milo parked the car in front of it. We just sat there for a moment before he sighed.

“Do you want to go in first?” he asked. I didn’t say anything else, I just got out of the car, never looking back at Milo. Pretending he doesn’t exist in my world anymore.

I buttoned up the last few buttons of my pink colored Polo shirt, as I truly believe Nic and Danny were having a mini-Nicki on their hands. I tied my locs up in a ponytail, preparing for another hot summer day.

“Dad,” Milo barged into my room in a panic. “Do you know where my music bag is?” I turned around, looking at him standing there.

“It would be in your room.”

“It’s not in there.”

“Did you check?” I asked, already knowing he didn’t.

“It’s not in there, dad,” Milo whined, panicking even more. “Mollie put her ballet shoes in my music bag when I was at her house and now she’s all like ‘where are my shoes’ and if I don’t find this bag with her ballet shoes in them, she’ll–“

“Milo,” I stopped him in his tracks. “Take a deep breath, bud.” I only continued once he actually let out a deep breath. “I know it’s somewhere in your room because I was the one that put it in there after you left it near the front door again.” Milo stood there with nothing else left to say. He turned around and sprinted out of my room. I shook my head, raising Milo has not been an easy task.

After dropping Milo off at Mollie’s house for the day, I start driving up to Valley Stream to Danny and Nicki’s house. I was nervous attending their baby shower, knowing that I was going to see a lot of people that we went to Waverly High with. God forbid I see Pep there… I don’t think she’d make the trip though for that.

In an attempt to try to get us talking to each other, Danny and Nicki always mentioned how every time they try to invite Pep to their house, she refuses to come back to New York. That bothered me, knowing that her family would love to get to see her every now and then and never would visit them. I would hate to be the reason why she wouldn’t come back, knowing that once she does, there’s no avoiding me, or Milo.

Before I knew it, I got to Danny and Nicki’s house. I walked toward their front door with their gift in my hand, and rang the doorbell. Danny answered the door.

“Milo,” Danny greeted as he pulled me into a hug. “Thanks for coming, dude!” I walked into their decorated house filled with blue and pink balloons, and some shaped as baby pacifiers. If I knew anything about Nicki, it was that she was going to go all out for their first child.

“Of course,” I smiled, walking down the hallway to where the rest of the party was. Nicki’s family were at one side of the room, talking to other party guests. I see some people from high school, all grown up into their own and nothing like the way they were 10 years ago.

Nicki gets up from one of the seats, smiling from ear to ear. She immediately pulled me into a hug.

“Milo!” She said happily. I hug Nicki tight, finally realizing that we were no longer the kids in the same 1st grade class, but now adults doing adult things in this world. “I’m sorry for being mean to you when we were younger. I never thought that the kid I used to bully in 1st grade would now be at my baby shower, welcoming my first baby and—” I pat her gently on the back, calming her down knowing the waterworks were about to start.

“Nic,” I reassured her, looking at Danny.

“Babe, let Milo sit down,” Danny suggested. Nicki immediately let go of me.

“Right! I’m sorry, my brain is all over the place today,” she explained, walking over to a few vacant seats in the main room.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” I said, sitting down next to Nicki and Danny.

“Was Gwen as emotional when she was pregnant with Milo?” Nicki asked.

“Very,” I answered. “Especially toward the end of it.” Nicki took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, as if she was processing just how far along she was. Someone called out Nicki’s name, excusing herself from both Danny and I.

“How are you holding up?” I asked. Danny’s visual expression on his face told the entire story.

“It’s… been a lot,” Danny said. “Seeing all these people here to celebrate us is…nerve wrecking. And then preparing for the baby’s arrival and—”

“Breathe, dude,” I reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “It’s all new to you two. It’s going to be scary and overwhelming, but you guys are at a good place in life. I mean, you have the support system to welcome your baby.” Danny smiled and nodded his head, nudging me in the shoulder.

“Thanks, dude. I’m glad that you’re a part of our support system.”

“Of course I would be,” I began to say. “Who else is going to be Uncle Milo?”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Danny said, standing up from his seat. “Once the party is over and everyone’s left, do you mind staying back for a few? Nic and I wanted to ask you something.” I nodded my head, agreeing but confused at what it could possibly be. Nevertheless, The party was beautiful, and both Nicki and Danny announced that they were having a girl, Daniela would be her name.

…

I helped clean up the main room area with Danny, as Nicki greeted the party guests out of the house. Danny kept turning his head toward the door, watching it every once in awhile. At some point, he immediately just stood there staring at the door, noticeably distracted by something.

“Bro,” I called out to him. Danny faced me, pretending I had his attention this entire time. “Nicki isn’t going to go into labor at the front door or something.”

“No, no; I know,” Danny quickly said as he continued to clean up. Danny was acting weird throughout the party; I deemed it as just nervousness at first, but maybe it was something that I should be questioning. I shrugged it off, hearing Nicki say goodbye to the last set of people. I heard the front door closed, and pitter patter from Nicki’s fuzzy slippers.

“Thanks for helping out, Milo,” Nicki said as she sat on the couch. I could tell how tired she was after today; I don’t blame her, I would be too after the amount of people that were here today. Danny walked over to Nicki, rubbing her shoulders as he stood behind the couch.

“That’s what friends do,” I said, tying the last garbage bag up. “Plus, Danny told me to hang back for something that he has not told me just yet.” Nicki turned her head and looked up at Danny. Danny continued to rub her shoulders and said nothing. “Something tells me this is bad news.”

“No,” Nicki quickly said, placing her hand on top of her stomach. “Absolutely not. Why would we ruin our baby shower and share bad news?”

“Because you guys have horrible poker faces,” I said, more jokingly than being serious. The doorbell rang, which made all three of us face at that direction. Nicki got up, and walked to the front door. I look at Danny, who looks like he’s sweating in literal puddles.

“Guess somebody forgot something,” I said, turning around to open the sliding door to take out the trash. It wasn’t until I turned around and heard a familiar voice; one that I haven’t heard in a long time. That’s when I saw her, standing with Nicki in the middle of the main room.

I shouldn’t have been surprised, but in that moment I was shocked. It was like I was looking at a hologram rather than an actual person. It was Pep.

Nicki was the first person to speak, clearing her throat before she did. “Now that everyone who is needed is here–“

“Nic,” Pep said, looking at Nicki. Pep’s hair was still curly, but now so much shorter. She’s not wearing her glasses, and it looks like she has a slight summer tan from the North Carolina heat.

“Dude,” I said to Danny as he wipes his face with a paper towel. Nicki pulls Pep into the seat next to her at the same time Danny pulls me down the seats next to him. This was an intervention.

“We both wanted to talk to you guys about something very important,” Nicki started the discussion. “I know these aren’t the circumstances you guys wanted to be in–“

“This couldn’t have been a phone conversation?” Pep interrupted. Nicki looked at her, clearly annoyed.

“Just because you and Milo don’t want anything to do with each other doesn’t mean anything to me,” she spat back. I looked over at both women, sitting in my seat in complete silence.

“Nicki is just trying to say–” Danny began to explain until Nicki got up from her seat.

“What I’m trying to say is that today isn’t about you, or you,” she said as she pointed at both Pep and me. “Today is about me, Danny, and our daughter. So, this is why I don’t care if you guys are not friends; you’re still our friends.” I looked over at Pep. Her legs were crossed and with her arms crossed. I remember Pep well enough to know this is what she does when she knows she’s wrong. She hated to admit it when she was, and she always felt a sense of love from her friends.

She never said anything else, and Danny decided to walk over to Nicki, clearing his throat.

“I’ll be the one to bring us back on track,” Danny said openly. “We wanted you both here when we tell you that you two are Daniela’s godparents.” Pep’s face softened and uncrossed her body. Sitting up, she looked over to her friend.

“Wait, are you serious?” Pep asked as she got up, pulling Nicki in a hug. “You want me to be a godparent?” Nicki started to tear up in the hug with Pep. I always appreciated the friendship they had with each other. In times of hardship, they always loved each other like sisters.

“You two mean so much to us. We practically grew up with you guys, and it means a lot to us to still have you guys here during the journey.” I smile at Danny as he put his arm around Nicki’s shoulders. I glanced over at Pep one last time for the night, somewhat hoping that this isn’t the last time I get to see her.