Hello, 30.

Hello, 30.

I know we just met and we’re getting to know each other, but I wanted to let you know that I am excited to finally meet you. I’ve dreaded to do so in the past, feeling like meeting you would mark the end of my youth and things would just start to feel and get more serious. I was like I wasn’t ready to take on the responsibility that I would inevitably have to take, and for quite a while thought I wouldn’t ever be ready for.

But here I am, meeting you for the first time, not feeling as scared as I once was.

I know my 20s have gave you all of the insight you need to know about me. I know my 20s told you how impulsive I can be; changing my appearance and wanting to control every little thing about myself since having weight loss surgery at 27. I know my 20s told you that I challenge my anxiety every single day by doing something outside of my comfort zone ever since being first diagnosed with a disorder at 24. I know my 20’s told you that even though you are meeting me at the best part of my life, they have seen me at my lowest: 21. 23. 25, 26, a bit of 27.

I know my track record doesn’t look that great; sure, I’m in the best place I’ve been in my life, but that only came after becoming burnt out studying and getting two college degrees in the process, losing family members through sickness and cancer, losing childhood pets and animals to old age, losing friends in the various stages of my life– for fuck’s sake, I lost a lot during my 20s, and I am constantly afraid of losing anything else I have. I know they told you that it nearly took me a decade to finally figure shit out and learn things that although I’ve been told a thousand times, needed to figure out in my own timing.

You will come to learn that I am a walking diary, and this new decade of my life is just the start of another book to document all that is to come in this next decade. You will come to learn that I write down everything because I remember almost everything; I guess that comes with being a writer though. You will come to learn that I mark my success and my growth through the years—if you haven’t figured that out yet. You will come to learn that I’m trying to do things differently than what I grew up seeing and what I was taught to be when it was time for me to grow up. You will come to learn that I’m a simple being that simply wants to feel happiness after decades of feeling like I wasn’t deserving of it. You will come to learn that I hold myself on a high pedestal after decades of convincing myself it was selfish to actually see worth in yourself.

I know my 20s have told you all about me, and I know you’re not too sure how to proceed with me, but I know that you’ll learn that I’m just a creature of exploration, passion, dedication and motivation. I know that you’ll be able to talk me through the toughest decisions this next decade of life has like saving money for rent and utilities, taking care of family in the way they took care of me, appreciating the smaller things in life that I overlooked in my 20s, and so many other things that I know I won’t ever be prepared enough for. But I have faith in you, 30s, to continue teaching me and guiding me in the direction that I am meant to go on, and to continue help me grow as a person and seeing just where I fit in in this world.