“Oppa,” Haram’s voice echoed from the kitchen. “Can you get me a kitchen towel from the storage closet?” I walked into the living room and see Haram cooking in the kitchen. I smiled, noting just how pretty she looked even cooking over a hot stove. I walked towards the closet past the living room and grabbed one for her. She smiled at me when I handed it to her.

“Thank you,” she said and continued cooking. I kissed her one her cheek and began to walk toward the cabinets to take out dinner plates. “How long have you’ve known Shawn?”

“We went to law school together,” I answered, walking to the kitchen table with a set of plates. “You remember meeting Kevin, right? All three of us went to law school together.”

“And you said Shawn is visiting from America?” Haram asked. I nodded my head. “He moved to America a couple of months ago.”

“I would love to visit America some day,” Haram mentioned. “Walk the streets of New York and see all of the lights at night.” I didn’t say anything back; I continued to put the plates on the table. Haram doesn’t know much about my time in America; she only knows thatv I’ve traveled to assist on some cases in the past. Something about keeping that piece of information to myself meant that I was able to rewrite my history and pretend that last couple of years of my life weren’t were they truly were. The less I spoke about it, the more I convinced myself that it never happen.

“One day, sweetie,” I finally said, finishing setting the table. “The food smells amazing.” Haram smiled and continued to look over the food at the stove. It wasn’t long after that the doorbell to my apartment rang; Shawn’s finally arrived.

Shawn opens his arms wide for a hug as soon as i open the door; I can’t lie, I missed seeing Shawn on a daily basis. The last time Shawn and I actually saw each other in person was the night I drove him to the airport; a one-way ticket to Santa Monica, California. He was pale and sullen when I last saw him. He looked nervous and anxious; who wouldn’t when they decide to drop everything they know to start a completely different life. Shawn looks healthier now. He has some color on his skin, and his face is fuller. It makes me happy to know that the decision he made was the best one for him.

”Hyung,” Shawn finally said after pulling away from our hug. “Aigoo, it’s so nice to finally see you.”

“You too, man,” I said, finally greeting him into my apartment. Shawn takes his shoes off at the door as I get his coat from him.

“Wow,” Shawn walks into the apartment further. “It smells so good in here; I didn’t know you cook like that.” I followed Shawn as he made his way into the kitchen. His eyes widen as he finally sees Haram in the kitchen. “Oh, uhm; hi,” Shawn greeted Haram in Korean, politely bowing. Haram smiles and bows back.

“Hi,” Haram greeted Shawn. I walk toward Haram and put my arm around her. Shawn looked confused; clearly I didn’t tell him about her.

“Shawn, this is Shin Ha Ram,” I finally said. “My girlfriend.” I can see it in Shawn’s face that he was taken back by the information. He looked like he was trying his hardest to not make it obvious, but he is miserably failing. “Haram, this is Im Sungjun; Shawn is his English name.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Haram began to say. “Do you prefer Sungjun or Shawn?”

“Ahh, Shawn is fine,” he answered, now shy. Shawn was not good at meeting new people in a spontaneous manner, so I know he’s probably internally cussing me out for doing this. “It’s nice to meet you as well.”

“Dinner should be done in 10 minutes, so if you guys want a beer or something, help yourselves,” Haram insisted. I walked over to the fridge and grab two beers before closing it. I walk to the living room as Shawn quickly follows behind me.

I place one of the beers on the coffee table across from where I sitting; Shawn takes a seat in front of it. He keeps looking toward the direction of the kitchen.

“Ya,” I finally call out, which makes Shawn turn around and face me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Shawn finally answered, readjusting himself on the chair.

“Yeah?” I questioned the authenticity of his answer. “Then why are you so jumpy? Afraid Haram might hear you talk about her?” Shawn’s face instantly turns red. I laughed to lighten up the mood. “Shawn, you’re fine. I know you have questions.”

“I just didn’t know you were serious when you said you had a girlfriend,” Shawn said, taking a sip of beer. “Is she living with you?”

“No,” I answered, finally taking a sip of my own beer before putting it back down. “She’s staying with me for the weekend since we went to see that dance show last night.” Shawn knows exactly where I’m going with this even if he doesn’t want to admit it.

“Oh, how was it?” Shawn asked.

“You tell me,” I said, leaning back in the seat I was sitting in with my arms crossed across my seat. “Skylar’s always been the noticeable supportive type.” Shawn sighed, picking up his beer to chug some of it down. “Why didn’t you tell me you were here for that?”

“That wasn’t the only reason, Hyung,” Shawn tried to explain. “I really did bring her here to meet my family.”

“But,” I continued explaining the narrative. “It was convenient to come now since Skylar’s cousin is here for a show.”

“Grace,” Shawn spat back. “Grace is in the show.” I know Shawn was only trying to get a reaction out of me mentioning her name. I refuse to say her name. I refuse to acknowledge her as a person that I know.

“Was this just something you were going to keep from me?” I leaned in, whispering so that Haram wouldn’t hear us from the kitchen.

“What does it matter?” Shawn asked back. “You have a girlfriend.”

“Clearly it mattered when you weren’t tell me that the show I was seeing was going to be that one,” I spat back, taking another sip of my beer before slamming it back on the table, creating a thud sound. “You sure ran out of the venue quick enough for me to not talk to you afterwards.”

“Hyung,” Shawn said, letting out a huge sigh afterwards. I wasn’t finish telling him the truth, despite how much he wanted to downplay it.

“Where is Skylar, by the way?” I asked, looking directly at Shawn’s face now. “If it didn’t matter, then why isn’t your significant other accompanying you tonight?” Shawn looked like he was out of words to say. He looked defeated.

“She didn’t want to come,” Shawn admitted. “Skylar isn’t the forgive-and-forget type of person.” I sighed, hating that I already knew the answer to my own question. It just sucks to hear it be the right answer. I sighed, chugging the rest of my beer down. It wasn’t long after that Haram came into the living room. I instantly try to mask the true emotions I was feeling.

“Dinner’s ready,” Haram said before smiling and turning back around, exiting the living room. I get up from my seat and Shawn follows right behind me.

“Hyung,” Shawn called out for me. I stop walking and turn around to face him. He looks sad. “Skyar means the absolute world to me, and you are more like a brother to me than just a friend. Before Skylar and I leave for Seoul, can you please be cordial with her? Can you both come to a mutual agreement that this isn’t about Grace anymore? Like, Grace has moved on, so why can’t we all?”

Grace moved on?

I scrunched my eyebrows, clearly annoyed by the information that was just revealed. She’s seeing someone else? How is she able to do long distance with him but refused to try when we were together? Before I got too mad, I relaxed my face, knowing the realization that Grace and I haven’t been a couple for almost a year. I’m in a relationship with Haram; it makes sense if she went and found a person that makes her happy.

Why the fuck is it bothering me so much?

I looked at Shawn, trying to snap back into reality. I sighed, then put on a fake smile.

“You’re right,” I finally said. “Let’s set something up before you leave for Seoul.”

I wasn’t supposed to be here at this show tonight.

I was having dinner with my family one night as Mina excused herself from the table. I look over at Lia, who shrugs her shoulders not knowing what our eldest sister was up to. I look at Haram, my girlfriend of 6 months. She looks at me just as confused as I am.

Mina comes running back to the dinner table and hands me an envelope. Her smile is wide across her face.

“Open it,” Mina demands as I take the envelope from her.

“Noona,” I began to say as I looked at the envelope. “What is this?”

“Ya, you will know once you open it,” Mina answered back, annoyed that I haven’t opened it yet. Without any further questions, I opened the envelope and take out two tickets. I was still very confused at what was going on.

“Tickets?” I questioned. I looked at the front of the ticket and read it: The 30th Annual Production: Idolize.

“Surprise!” Mina jumped up and said. “Happy 6-month anniversary to you and Haram!” I looked at Haram, who was just as shocked as I was.

“Mina-ssi,” Haram said as she looked at my sister. “This is way too generous of you to do.”

“Ya,” Mina said as she brushed off Haram’s response. “You both work word and deserve to see a show for your anniversary. Haram leaned on my shoulder to look at the tickets in my hand. I smile at Haram, handing her a ticket.

I met Haram taking my niece to school one morning back in September. It had been a couple weeks since Shawn, Kevin, and I came back from our vacation in America. Haram was outside trying to get her 3rd grade class in line before entering the school building for the day. She had dropped her curriculum on the floor as I was passing her. Of course, I had helped her get her paperwork off of the concrete ground of the school’s yard. She said sorry in the cutest way possible, smiling the most biggest smile. It was truly mesmerizing.

“What show is this?” Haram asked, looking at the ticket. “Idolize?”

“It’s this famous show that they are putting on here this year,” Mina began to explain. “I heard that some of the world’s best performers do this show. I thought it would be a great date night for the both of you.”

“Thank you, noona,” I said, putting both tickets back into the envelope. I look at Haram, who smiles at me when I do. “I guess you have to wear your most formal attire for one night.”

“If it means I get to wear a fancy dress instead of a blouse and skirt that easily stains from the dry erase markers, then I am more than excited to attend this show with you.” Haram emphasized. I laugh at her jokes; it’s been awhile since laughing at another person’s jokes.

…

“Haram-ie,” I said as I tidied up my living room area. “It’s just a little show; you don’t have to dress like it’s the Golden Disc awards.” I could hear Haram sigh in frustration over the phone.

“You’re no help,” Haram finally said over the phone. I smiled through the phone. “Well, I still have some time to think about it. When is the show again?”

“In about two weeks,” I answered, turning off the light in the living room to walk upstairs for the night. “You have plenty of time to decide what to wear for the show, even though you’re pretty no matter what you’re wearing.” I could hear Haram playfully suck her teeth over the phone; it was super cute.

“We’ll see,” Haram finally said. I smiled as I turned on the light to my bedroom. i walked over towards my dresser to get a pair of pajamas. I immediately look at the folded gray scarf at the bottom of the drawer.

“I should go to bed though, I have work in the morning,” Haram finally said. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Saranghae, oppa.”

“Goodnight, Haram-ie,” I smiled as I closed the drawer. “Saranghae.” I hung up the phone and sat on my bed, lost in thought. These past couple months have felt like what my life was like before traveling abroad. I saw my family once a week for dinner, I continued to work at the law firm, and I spent my time off with my girlfriend. I occasionally would go and see Kevin at his new place in Seoul with his girlfriend, JooAh and I keep in touch with Shawn as best as I can since he moved to America a couple of months ago. This is as normal my life has felt since, well…

… since New York.

…

“Ya, ya; I’m coming!” I shouted as I ran across the apartment to my ringing phone. “yeoboseyo?“

“Hyung!” Shawn shouted out. “Guess where I currently am.”

“Ya,” I said as I laughed. “I am not playing this game with you.” I sat down on the couch with the phone against my ear.

“Well, you’re no fun,” Shawn said, deadpanned. “Anyway, I’m in Korea!”

“What are you doing back in Korea?” I asked as I sat up in place. “You and your girlfriend broke up?” When I didn’t hear him say anything, I cocked my eyebrows up.. “Did you and your girlfriend break up?”

“No, no,” Shawn finally answered. “Shes actually in Korea with me.” I raised an eyebrow, wanting to know more about Shawn’s plans here in Korea.

“Mwo? For what?” I asked.

“Well,” Shawn began to say. “I brought her here to meet my family.” I cocked my eyebrows up, surprised that Shawn has made a decision as big as this one.

“How are you feeling about that?” I asked, curious to know. “That’s a big step towards your relationship with Skylar. Have you met her family?” I immediately regret asking the question. Of course he has; her cousin is Grace.

“I met her dad back in America,” Shawn answered back. “Sky’s an only child, and her mom isn’t in the picture. Her dad was nice though; very welcoming to me.” I smiled at Shawn’s response. He’s come a long way from first moving to America to be with Skylar, and it seems like he’s moving towards a more mature approach to adulthood; if anything, I’m glad that being with Skylar has brought out these traits in him.

“Are you thinking about marriage?” I finally asked Shawn. In the past, Shawn was against the idea of marriage, especially growing up in a home where he watched his own parents divorce as a child. It was reasonable, but I hoped that as he got older and found the right woman, he would change his mind.

“That’s the thing,” Shawn began. “What if my family doesn’t like her? What if they just see her as some foreigner that took their son and brother away?”

“It’s always a risk that couples take when meeting each others family,” I reassured. “Sometimes it’s not always going to be the way we planned it out to be. But it shouldn’t determine whether or not you want to marry the person you love.” Shawn sighed as I was handing him the advice. “This is another stupid question, but is Skylar the one?” Shawn didn’t say anything back right away; he simply sighed.

“Aigoo,” Shawn simply said. I didn’t need to hear anything else. I know he was going to marry Skylar one day.

I shift in my seat, waiting for Shawn to say something. Shawn lets out a huge breath of air before he says anything else.

“How are you and Haram doing? Shawn asked and smiled. Redirecting the focus on something else besides himself: classic Shawn.

“We’re doing really good,” I answered, smiling. “We’re going to a dance show to celebrate our 6 month anniversary next week. Mina got us tickets to Idolize.”

“Nice, nice,” Shawn simply answered, clearing his throat afterwards. “Is Haram the one? You know, you’re not getting any younger, Hyung.”

“Ha, ha,” I deadpanned, shaking my head at Shawn’s comment. “Haram and I just started dating 6 months ago; needless to say we’re taking things slow.”

“If Haram is willing to marry you when you’re old and covered in wrinkles then she’s definitely the one.” Shawn joked. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

…

On stage, Grace continues to dance on stage, and it’s not long after the long pause that I hear a woman a couple of rows from me yell out and stand from her seat.

“Fuck it up, Grace!” the woman said. I immediately look over and notice that the woman is foreigner; she wasn’t just any other foreigner, but it was Skylar. I widen my eyes in shock, not expecting her to be here. But if she’s here, then that means Shawn is here with her. I look at the stage and the curtain closes after Grace’s performance. The audience stands up and claps after the performance; it’s not a surprise that Grace would receive a standing ovation.

The curtain opens up and the stage is filled with all of the dancers. I can’t help but spot Grace on stage among the other dancers. She looks determined and focused; aggressive like the song playing. I can’t help but not watch her dance on stage; she’s mesmerizing when she does. The lights turn into a gold-ish color and confetti begins to come down onto the stage. The dancers close off the last number of the show in a closing position. Idolize, Idolize, Idolize; the song finishes and the stage goes dark. I look over at Haram, who sits in her seat and clapping at the end of the performance. I look over toward the direction that I saw Skylar sitting at.

I need to find Shawn and give him a piece of my mind.

“So,” I began the conversation with my mother sitting in her small NYC apartment on a hot, summer day. We eat Italian Ices that we picked up on our way back to her place after hauling my stuff to her apartment. “Dad once told me that you used to not let everyone see you dance. Why?” My mom looked at me, shocked that I knew that information.

“Your dad told you that?” she repeated back.

“He did,” I nodded. “He said he was lucky to be one of the few people you allowed see you dance; but, how could you have danced all over the world if you didn’t like people watch you dance?”

“I got out of my own head,” she honestly answered back. “I figured if this was something I wanted to do as a career, I had to open myself up to the world to watch me dance.” She looked down at her Ice and began to scrape it. “Your father was the person to help me get over that fear.”

“Really?” I asked, not knowing that piece of the information. “He didn’t tell me that.” She smiled at me.

“Your father had a hard time taking credit where needed,” she simply said. “He promised that he would come to every one of my college shows just so that I at least knew one person in the crowd. It got easier as the years went and by the time I graduated college, I was able to perform without every getting nervous or having 500 things on my mind.” The smile faded once she took a deep breath. “The first time that he didn’t show up to a show was when I was in India for the Dance Production I was a part of. I had a solo and everything and it broke my heart that he wasn’t in the audience giving me that comfort I sought out throughout my career.”

“Was that the gig you did after you left?” I asked, putting the pieces of my dad and her stories together. She didn’t verbally say anything back to me; she simply nodded.

…

I nervously fidgeted with my fingers as I stood backstage with the other dancers, warming up for the show to begin in 30 minutes. These last couple of days have felt like a complete blur; I’ve been in rehearsal to learn the dance solo for the production at early hours of the morning, completely immersing myself in dance. I told Skylar and Shawn that I would make up for the time we lost to hang out while they were both in the area. I also apologized to Sahim countless of times for cancelling on dates because I needed to rehearse more. In a sense, I felt like I was over-rehearsing, and now I was nervous that I was going to forget the steps when it truly mattered. I took a deep breath before I heard Aimee call out my name.

“Grace!” Aimee said as she walked over to me with Maurice. I hid my nerves with a smile before they could see me.

“It’s time!” I excitedly said, in which both Aimee and Maurice did a celebratory dance. “How are you guys feeling?”

“I feel so ready to go out there and fucking dance already,” Maurice said, loud enough so that the other dancers backstage heard him. “I feel like we’ve been rehearsing for this shit for decades.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Aimee chimed in before looking at me. It wasn’t long after that I see Sahim walking backstage with his equipment, looking for me. His eyes meet mine and he smiles. Aimee looks toward the direction I’m looking, which makes me blush. “Come on, Maurice; Grace is about to get her good luck kiss from her man.” I laugh and shook my head as they walked away. Sahim quickly greeted them as he walked toward me.

“Hey, tiny dancer,” Sahim said with the biggest smile on his face. “You’re ready for your big, grand solo?”

“Don’t remind me,” I sighed. “I feel like I’m going to puke up my nerves.”

“It’s normal,” Sahim reassured. “First night jitters.”

“Not for a dancer who just learned an entire solo in three days,” I mentioned, shaking my hands to release the nerves somewhere on my body.

“You got this, Grace,” Sahim reassured. “You definitely deserve your time to shine. You’ve honestly sacrificed so much to be here.”

“At what cost?” I said more to myself than out-loud, but Sahim definitely heard me say it.

“Your daughter probably thinks you’re the coolest fucking person in the world,” Sahim began to say. “She’s probably going to watch the live-stream and cheer you on because you’re her mom.” I look up at Sahim as he spoke. I didn’t mean to start tearing up, but I’m immediately looking up to not let the tears ruin the makeup on my face. Sahim goes into his pocket for tissue and quickly hands it to me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to–“

“No, no; it’s fine,” I said as I dabbed the tissue lightly near my eyes. “I’m just grateful that even being so far away, she could see me dance.” I look at Sahim again and find him looking at me as I spoke. “I hope one day she can see me dance in person.”

“No doubt in my mind that she will,” Sahim reassured, placing a hand on my shoulder for comfort. “Tonight is the first night of the rest of your career to come; don’t let anything take that away from you.” I simply nodded as one of the assistants gives us a 5 minute warning before the show starts. Sahim quickly kisses my cheek unexpectedly.

“See you after the show, tiny dancer,’ Sahim smiled before he walks away from me. Once he disappears from view, I take a deep breath and take my place on stage. All the dancers are in place behind the curtain, waiting for the first number of the production to begin. I look directly ahead where there is a slight gap of the curtain that shows the audience. From what I can see, it’s a full house; people are dressed in formal attire and are chatting with one another. I wonder if mom saw the audience before her production. I wonder if she stood on stage, waiting for the curtain to open knowing the people she wanted there weren’t. I wonder what motivated her to even dance the way she did if eventually, no one that was actually important watched anymore?

I see the lights in the audience dim and the stage lights turn on behind the curtain. Before I could even register it, the curtains swing open and now the dancers are exposed to the audience. The audience applauds once we are seen. I look up from the ground and out to the audience once the first song begins to play. The dance finally starts.

The harmonies of the first song align with our moves for the first number. No theatrics; nothing distracting to us or the audience, we just dance. I don’t remember much once I started to dance, which was odd since I do nothing but think about everything all at once when I dance. It’s like this time I was just ‘Grace, the dancer’. I was a young girl in Virginia telling my dad that I wanted to dance like the kids on my favorite TV show. I remember the stage outfits that would hang up on the back of my bedroom door, staring back at me the night before a state competition. I see the trophies lined up in my room on shelves that my dad build once my bookshelf was full of different awards from different shows.

I remember dancing for my mother for the first time without even realizing she was my mom the first time I came to New York. It was the first couple of months of my senior year of high school and danced at a local academy while I was here. She was the choreographer of the academy at the time; I believe it was fate to meet her in that small rehearsal space. It was fate that we only ever met through our love of dance. I knew I loved it for the majority of my life and tried to mask it by doing something that was the complete opposite of it. I don’t regret the outcomes of what being a lawyer gave me, but sometimes I wonder what if I continued my dance career in college? Would anything be different about the way I live my life now? Would I even have Willow? If so, would I have left Willow the way my mom did? I notice the lights turn bright yellow; they twinkle on the stage lightly to give the illusion of stars. The first number ends with the dancers looking up toward the ceiling, at the stars.

No. I wouldn’t ever leave her. That’s what makes me different than my mother, no matter how alike we truly are.

…

I run toward the backstage and grab my water before heading to the dressing room. In passing, Aimee holds up her hand for a hi-five, in which I give one to her.

“Go kill that fucking solo, girl!” Aimee shouted. I smiled, running past the doors for an outfit change. The majority of the production was going amazing; most of the nerves left once I started to dance the various numbers of the production. It was tiring, but the feeling I have is one I want to feel for the rest of my life. I feel like this is the most focused I’ve been while dancing, even if I heard Skylar cheer from the audience a couple of times. Once again proving that you can’t take Skylar everywhere. I didn’t mind; it felt good to have someone you knew watching you dance in real time. I can only imagine how everyone at home is reacting to the production.

Once the styling crew finishes putting me in my stage outfit for the solo number, I walk to the vanity I’ve claimed for most of the rehearsals we had here. I had a couple of minutes before I had run back to the stage. I sat down and went through my dance bag, unzipping a section inside of the bag slowly. I pulled out a bracelet and rubbed the one charm attached to it; a key. I swallowed hard, knowing that this bracelet has sat in that pocket since I put it there packing for New York. I quickly put it back in the bag once I see the dressing room door open.

“Five minute warning, tiny dancer,” Sahim said, poking his head into the door. I smiled, walking toward him.

“Did you personally tell the assistant you were gonna give me the warning?” I teased. Sahim laughs but he’s clearly guilty.

“I wanted to see you before your first official solo performance of the production,” Sahim smiled as he leaned against the door frame. He looks at my outfit before looking back up at me. “You look beautiful for it.”

“Thank you,” I said, looking down at the sparkly golden outfit. “Do you think the headpiece is too much?” I joked, pointing at the ridiculous crown sewn into my hair.

“It’s perfect,” Sahim said. “Like the person wearing it.”

“You’re perfect,” Jamie said after kissing me in my apartment for the first time.

Sahim slowly leaned in to kiss me. “Two minute warning,” he whispered. My eyes widen, quickly running past him to head backstage before the number started.

I watch the dancers begin the number from the side of the stage. I’m beginning to feel nervous and the thoughts are pouring back into my mind. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to forget Jamie’s words echoing in my head. Sahim. Not Jamie. At this point, I was angry; why the fuck would I let the words of a man that broke every part of my heart get to me on such a night like this? Sahim is the one that knows the real me, the dancer, the one bettering herself for the life of her family; he made me feel like a human being again, like I can love again–

The lights on the stage dim and a spotlight appears on the side that I’m standing on. This is the present, Grace, and the rest of your life. Live in it. The music slows down and I finally enter the stage for the dance solo.

And when you hurted, was I vindicated? The lyrics of the song were the only evidence of sound heard in that moment. I’ve hurt so many people to get where I am. I hurt my father, now reminding him of my mother at my age, doing the things that broke their marriage up all those years ago. I hurt my mother, not listening to her advice of getting into dance when I saw it through her eyes that she wanted better for me than this. I hurt Max, I hurt Ari, I hurt Scott and Emerson and Cami and Skylar and everyone else that I left behind because I was too afraid to stay in one place. I hurt Willow, for not always being her mom first before anything else. I even hurt Sahim for never telling him the truth about my past life; one that I’ve been too scared to speak into the universe again.

I hurt Jamie, for forcefully leaving him in that past, knowing that it wasn’t always an easy task. It was nearly impossible to.

You left me on my knees, heartbreaking.

I clunched my chest with my fists, dancing to every beat and word of the song, allowing the dance to completely take over my body. For once, I allowed the dance to depict all of the things roaming through my head; the emotion, the angst, the disappointment… the forever healing that’s inevitable for a person like me.

I won’t bleed for your love, I won’t bleed; I won’t bleed for your love, I won’t bleed.

Will there ever be a time where all of that just stops? Will there be a time where time freezes and I feel okay for once? Will I ever believe that I am capable of true, unrequited love without ever doubting it? Was there ever a time I just looked at something or someone that I didn’t antagonize in my life, and that for once I am able to just breathe and be wholeheartedly the person I am meant to be and–

I won’t bleed, I won’t bleed.

The music stops for dramatic effect and I’m now facing the audience, exposed and vulnerable by myself on stage in the middle of the spotlight. I catch my breath for the slightest moment before the music starts back up. I glanced down at the audience. That’s the moment where time froze. That’s the moment all I heard was the exhale of my breath.

That’s the moment I saw Jamie sitting in the audience, looking directly at me.