I was getting frustrated the longer it took me to look for an outfit to wear. Korea is in this weird “in-between” weather phase where it’s still warm during the day but freezing cold at night. Couldn’t Sahim and I just done for an early dinner? I kept tossing everything that I thought was a good pick toward my bed, not really knowing if I was actually going to wear it or not.
I heard a knock on my hotel door, which made me immediately panic. I wasn’t dressed yet, I had just finished my makeup and rolling up my hair; this was a disaster.
“I’m not ready yet!” I shouted as I ran toward the door. I opened the door and to my surprise, it was Aimee. “Aimee?”
“Well hi to you too,” she teased as she responded. I opened the door as I let her inside my room. “Thought I was Sahim or something?”
“That’s exactly who I thought you were,” I said, walking back toward my closet. Aimee followed me and sat in the chair across from me.
“Oh? Did you guys make up, or is the making up part happening later tonight?” Aimee laughed as she said. I looked over at her and rolled my eyes. It’s never a day that Aimee doesn’t turn everything into an innuendo. “That voicemail you left me that night made it sound like you guys got into this huge fight.”
“I’m dramatic; what can I say,” I said, trying to dismiss the conversation. I tried to call Aimee the night that I told Sahim about Jamie. Of course, I was only going to tell her about what happened with Skylar and I, but I vaguely remembered only mentioning that Sahim and I got into this huge fight.
“Mhm,” Aimee responded; clearly not believing a word I was saying. “And now you’re just going out with him like nothing was wrong?”
“It’s called ‘talking things out and being an adult about it'”, I said in a snarky way. “Why stay mad at each other while we’re in this beautiful country in which we leave in less than 4 months from now?”
“I guess that one way to stay delusional,” Aimee spat back before adjusting in her seat. “I just don’t want you getting hurt again. I may not have known you when you were in your last relationship with your ex-fiancé, but it doesn’t mean I can’t look out for you now.”
“I appreciate it, but I really am okay, Aimee,” I reassured her, mainly to reassure myself in the end. “Sahim isn’t like any other guy I dated. He’s a good guy.”
“I can tell,” Aimee said as she got up from her seat and toward the mountain of clothes on my bed. “If he wasn’t worth it, you wouldn’t be stressing about what to wear for a casual date with a man that’s already yours.” I rolled my eyes at Aimee and her cringe statement. I looked down at the bed with all of the clothes that were once organized in my closet. I sighed, finally picking up something to wear for this date. I looked over at Aimee, who now has a grin of approval on her face.
…
Sahim and I entered the hotpot place, walking towards the table that our waitress is guiding us towards. Sahim pulls out the seat for me before I sit down; he then sits in the seat across from me. His contagious smile never leaves his face. He’s too cute for words.
“Thank you,” I said in Korean as I politely bowed. Sahim quickly did the same after seeing me do the gesture. I looked at the menu before looking back up. I couldn’t help but giggle as Sahim struggled to read the menu. He looked up at me once he heard me.
“What’s so funny?” Sahim asked, placing the menu down on the table.
“I still find it funny that all this time being here, you haven’t grasped some of the language yet,” I teased. Sahim smiled as he rolled his eyes. Hot.
“All this time, I’ve been hanging out with Ms. Duolingo here,” Sahim teased back, cocking up an eyebrow. “I didn’t need to learn much of it.” Now I’m the one rolling my eyes as I smile.
“Well, knowing you, I think you’d like this,” I said as I leaned forward, pointing at one of the pictures. “We order a side of that, as well as the garnish pieces and just eat how much we can.”
“No dessert tonight?” Sahim looked up at me with a grin on his face. I looked down at him, smiling back.
“Room service,” I flirted back, sitting back down in my seat. Sahim let out this huge laugh and nodded his head, looking back down at the menu. The waitress came back with two glasses of water and her notepad and pen in hand; she seemed nervous to serve us tonight.
“Hi,” I greeted the waitress. She bowed and said hi back, surprisingly in English. She pointed at the menus, indicating if we were ready to order. I nodded and began to read back the order to the waitress. She seemed shocked at the amount of words I knew to express in Korean. She smiled as she bowed and walked away. I looked at Sahim who was staring at me intently.
“That was sexy,” Sahim commented as I drank from my glass of water. I definitely dribbled some of it from laughing.
“Stop,” I laughed as I said, wiping my mouth with my napkin. “I took way too long to even pick out this outfit.”
“You might have to change if too much water gets spilled on it,” Sahim flirted back. I raised an eyebrow to him. My face definitely feels hot. The waitress comes back to our table with the garnishes and meat that we ordered. In an instant, the pot in the middle of the table turns on, which shocks both Sahim and I. Without realizing, we both started to clap as if the waitress just performed some magic trick for us. Once the waitress left, Sahim started to laugh as I held my head down in shame.
It wasn’t long after that Sahim and I began to eat. It was sweet when he would prepare the food in the pot and serve it on my plate… even if he struggled for the first couple of pieces of meat. Nevertheless, dinner was going well for the both of us. But, I didn’t let my guard down too far; I’ve learned to never do that when things feel too good to be true.
Sahim’s body shifted toward me before he spoke. He rubbed his mouth, clearly perplexed at what to say to me. I know he’s going to ask about the other night. I know that it’s been bothering him since it was first brought up. He looked at me before saying anything. I hate when people looked at me like this.
“What’s going on?” I finally asked, just wanting him to rip the bandage off already.
“Grace,” Sahim began to say. “Have… you thought about what you’re doing after the production is over?” Huh?
“What?” I quickly responded. This definitely wasn’t what I thought Sahim was going to bring up.
“Have you thought about what life is going to look like once we leave Korea?” Sahim asked again.
“I… haven’t to be honest,” I answered, still feeling confused. “I haven’t had much time to really think about it. I’ve been occupied with rehearsing the choreography for these new pieces.” I looked at him briefly. “Have you given some thought to it?”
“Somewhat,” Sahim answered, looking down at the table. “Some days it’s exciting to think about getting some normalcy back into my everyday life… others, it’s scary to think what that will look like once this is all over.” I nodded my head as he spoke; in a way, I could understand where he was coming from. For the past 8 months, this has what our lives have been; this is what we’ve adapted to since being here. I’m grateful for the opportunity to be doing something that my teenage self could only dream for, but I never thought abut what happens next once it all comes o an end. Did Mom go though this when she did the production too?
“I mean,” I began to say as I shifted in my seat, now seeming uncomfortable. “I’d just probably go back to New York, see my family, maybe take my daughter on a little vacation or something,” I looked at him, smiling as I spoke. “She’s going to want to hear all the stories of the dance production when I get back.”
“Is she also interested in dance?” Sahim asked.
“She’s starting to show some interest in it,” I answered, sighing afterwards. “She likes other things more, but her father has expressed that she’s been interested in dance ever since watching the production’s opening show.”
“She knows her mom is one of the best,” Sahim mentioned. I rolled my eyes, clearly not agreeing with him.
“My mother was much better than me,” I stated. “I didn’t know much about her growing up, but my dad showed me videos of her dancing when they were teenagers and she was crazy talented. I guess in a way, without really knowing much about her, that I wanted to be like her when I grew up.” I was sullen at the thought. I remember those nights in Virginia growing up when I would ask my dad if I could see another video of mom dancing. I remember how mesmerizing it was to see her on stage in a sparkly dance outfit as the glitter reflected off from the lights. I wonder if Willow feels the same thing when she sees me dance. I wonder if this is just now a never-ending cycle.
“Well I’m sure that your daughter thinks you’re the coolest mom ever dancing on television,” Sahim commented, smiling afterwards. I looked at him and smiled at him. Thinking about the future was scary; the truth was I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen once the production ends. Sure, I leave this country and go back to New Yourk, but what happens after that? Do I go back teaching at the academy? Do I retire being a dancer? Should I go back to being a lawyer? Do I just repeat this vicious cycle until I feel some level of satisfaction? In this moment, I didn’t know what the future has in store for me, but looking at Sahim makes me feel okay in the moment.
“I hope you’d come to New York and meet her one day,” I said as I smiled. He smiled at the suggestion before letting out a sigh. What was that about? The waitress came by our table with the bill as I thanked her for her services tonight. Sahim immediately took the booklet from me, raising an eyebrow.
“Dinner’s on me tonight,” Sahim said.
“I guess I’m on dessert then,” I teased, looking at Sahim as he signed the check. He glanced over at me with a cocked up eyebrow before gently kissing me on the lips.
Letters From Liz. 