Topic Tuesdays: Raw & Personal – Page 5

Happy Valentine’s Day, readers!

Today is a weird day for me for many reasons. No, I am not one of those negative Nancy’s about the day itself. This day in particular is heavy for me because a year ago on this day my dog, Pal, passed away.

My family and I got Pal in 2001; he was only two months old. We had went to a pet store in upper Manhattan where the North Shore Animal League were holding adoptions for these sheltered/rescued puppies and dogs. In the prior months before we got Pal, we had lost our dog Lucky, who was actually the dog that my mother got back in 1987.

When we finally got into the city and into the pet store, my family and I didn’t know which one to adopt. A few minutes later, my mother comes back to me and sister, holding a tiny little white furball in her hands. We knew that he was the one, and that his name would be Pal.

Pal was extremely goofy and extremely friendly. He would run around the house, play with me and my sister, cause mayhem, and do the funniest things that we still talk about to this day. He would love to be groomed (because he was a lowkey diva), he used to love vanilla ice cream, and he absolutely loved to play in the snow. Pal gave us a run for our money; he wasn’t the easiest dog to take care of in his younger years, but all in all he was a good dog.

Even when Pal got older, he never stopped acting like a puppy. If anyone sat on the couch, he would get up right next to you and lay his entire body on you like a prince, waiting for you to pet him. (He would whine if you stopped. #Spoiled.) He was an odd one sometimes; for some strange reason we had bought cat treats by accident, but Pal still enjoyed them like they were the greatest thing on earth. He used to love taking his treats or toys and pretend to bury them. No seriously, he would take them, put them somewhere on the floor, pretend to dig a hole, and then act like nobody can’t see the treat/toy still. He was cute and quirky in his own way, and he tried to protect us at all costs.

One time, the cops had climbed into my living room window while I was asleep because someone had used our address has a prank phone call to the police, and I didn’t understand how they got past Pal.

… I walk inside the living room and Pal is all giddy and jumpy, playing with the female officer. Big dog, not a scary bone in his body whatsoever.

When Pal’s 14th birthday came around on June 30th, 2015, something in me told me that this was going to be the last birthday we would spend with him. We did our usual birthday celebration for Pal: we gave him his favorite thing in the absolute world; vanilla ice cream. I personally wished him one final Happy Birthday. Shortly after that, Pal began to get sick.

Pal passed away in his sleep on February 14th, 2016. His old heart gave out and was finally put to rest. He wasn’t suffering anymore. He was in doggy heaven, being young, free, and goofy; just how he always was. My father drove Pal to my grandparents house in Pennsylvania to bury him. That summer, I went to go visit his burial and put a little sunflower on top of it. In all honesty, I am actually tearing up while writing this. Remembering his last moments here are always going to be sad and difficult to relive, but Pal lived an amazing 15 years being such an amazing dog.

He showed me how to unconditionally love a living, breathing being. No matter how long he’s been gone, he will always be one of my best friends I’ve ever had.

A year later, my family and I finally decided that we are ready to finally allow another pet into our lives. Having a pet in the family really does add unconditional happiness and joy into their lives, and I think that’s something our family needs back. We can’t wait to officially call another dog ours, and add our new goofball in the family.

Valentine’s Day will forever leave my heart heavy because of Pal’s passing, and even though he’s not physically here, he will always be here in spirit.

Rest in Peace, boobie.

-Liz (:

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“In order to help people survive, you must tell the story of your own survival.”

Five years ago on January 17th, I had a nervous breakdown. I went to school that day not feeling like myself. I remember my favorite sweater had little blood stains on the sleeves where my forearm was located. The previous night, I had self-harmed myself. I went to my guidance counselor that morning and was too afraid to return to my classes, and when he made me go back, I fell apart. This day was the first of many bad days, and the beginning of a downward spiral I called life.

During the first couple of months into that year, I was severely depressed. I pushed all of my good friends away from me, the people who I thought were my good friends all turned their backs on me, I had a bad reputation with the people I once cared for, and I was constantly fearing for my well-being.

All in all, I was a victim of severe mental bullying.

Because of my severe depression and paranoia over the things that were said and done, I began to make choices and decisions that not only affected me, but began to affect those who were scared for me, and trying to help me out. But even then the people who keep trying to help you, get tired of helping a helpless person.

By April, I felt what it was like to truly be alone. Shortly after that, I had constant suicidal thoughts. “What if I just let a driving car hit me in full speed? What if I drank the entire bottle of NyQuil tonight to help me sleep forever? Would anyone care if I was gone?”

It was my lowest point in my life thus far.

It took me a very long time to gain back control of my life. The constant fear and loneliness I felt always came back. The recovery stage of my life took years to ~~complete.~~ Sometimes I feel like I’m still at that stage of my life. In some sort of strange way, I can only imagine this is what PTSD feels like. But after it all, I came out of it a better person. Those traumatic events help define me because I am who I am because of them. It’s why I’m an advocate for proper mental health awareness and self-care.

Many people don’t realize that being mentally healthy is just as important as being physically healthy. People will live most of their lives with these problems; some are too afraid to admit that they might be mentally ill because of the stigma mental health has. “People with mental illnesses are dumb and stupid, they’re just damaged goods” is just one of the many things I’ve heard people describe mental illness. Mental illness is just as important to treat, just how cancer, chronic illnesses, and physical illnesses are.

I was lucky to get myself out of my own depression. I know a lot of people who aren’t fortunate enough to handle their depression and get out of it. Depression is so much more than “just being sad”. People who have depression attempt and commit suicide more than any other diagnosed mental disorder. It constantly makes every feeling you have ten times worse; you feel lonely when you’re not, you feel hopelessness and unworthy when you’re not, and you feel sad even when you’re smiling.

All people heal differently. I know my coping mechanisms may not work on some people, and that’s okay. As a survivor, many other people’s methods of coping didn’t work on me. Find your own or tweak some of these universal tips that I most certainly found helpful while coping with depression:

Write down how you are feeling in a journal. Keeping strong emotions bottled up inside isn’t healthy for anyone. If you feel like your inner bottle is filled to the rim, empty it by writing down how you feel. Releasing that on pen and paper helps you organize the emotions that you’re really feeling. It puts those feelings out in the world, and not stuck in your mind.
Find a hobby. My hobby when I was trying to get over my depression was watching TV Crime dramas, oddly enough. I started to watch The Killing and interacted with the Twitter community that these two women created. That fandom seriously saved my life. Find something that will ease your mind. I know a lot of people who use art as a source of relaxation; so grab an adult coloring book and color. Draw/paint something. Relax your mind.
Go for long walks. Every now and then when I need to clear my mind, I get out the house and go walking for as long as I need to. Focusing your energy on walking and being naturally alert of the things around you will help you clear out any lingering negative thoughts you may be thinking or feeling.
Always talk to someone when you are feeling down. I use to bottle up my emotions because I always felt like nobody wanted to listen to my issues or problems. When I realized that the only way I was going to get a second opinion on things was to talk to someone else, that’s when I found my one person to always talk to when I’m feeling down. My best friend, Obie, is that person for me. Finding a person who will allow you to talk will be hard to find and trust at first and if you can’t find someone to talk to, there are communities out there dedicated to talking to you when you are down. Just know you are not alone.
Always know that this feeling is temporary and things get better. When you experience something that was traumatic or life-altering, at first it does leave an emotional scar on you that could take a really long time to heal; I’m still trying to let mine heal after all these years. Just because you can’t make the scar disappear completely, doesn’t mean you can’t overcome the effect of it. Look at your emotional scars as motivation to come out of things stronger and better.
Don’t be afraid to get help. Sometimes, your last resort is to finally go and see a therapist and have a professional handy to help you with any psychological issues. You are not weak for doing so, but rather really strong for admitting you need the extra help. The quicker you accept this and look past it, the faster you’ll feel better about yourself.

At the end of the day, your mental health is extremely important. If your mind is healthy, you will start making decisions that are healthy for you. Your mentality is your reality, so make everyday a great one by simply taking care of your mental health.

I made it my mission to get my mind healthy again. I survived it. You can too.