Category: The “Something” Series: Season 3

I wasn’t supposed to be here at this show tonight.

I was having dinner with my family one night as Mina excused herself from the table. I look over at Lia, who shrugs her shoulders not knowing what our eldest sister was up to. I look at Haram, my girlfriend of 6 months. She looks at me just as confused as I am.

Mina comes running back to the dinner table and hands me an envelope. Her smile is wide across her face.

“Open it,” Mina demands as I take the envelope from her.

“Noona,” I began to say as I looked at the envelope. “What is this?”

“Ya, you will know once you open it,” Mina answered back, annoyed that I haven’t opened it yet. Without any further questions, I opened the envelope and take out two tickets. I was still very confused at what was going on.

“Tickets?” I questioned. I looked at the front of the ticket and read it: The 30th Annual Production: Idolize.

“Surprise!” Mina jumped up and said. “Happy 6-month anniversary to you and Haram!” I looked at Haram, who was just as shocked as I was.

“Mina-ssi,” Haram said as she looked at my sister. “This is way too generous of you to do.”

“Ya,” Mina said as she brushed off Haram’s response. “You both work word and deserve to see a show for your anniversary. Haram leaned on my shoulder to look at the tickets in my hand. I smile at Haram, handing her a ticket.

I met Haram taking my niece to school one morning back in September. It had been a couple weeks since Shawn, Kevin, and I came back from our vacation in America. Haram was outside trying to get her 3rd grade class in line before entering the school building for the day. She had dropped her curriculum on the floor as I was passing her. Of course, I had helped her get her paperwork off of the concrete ground of the school’s yard. She said sorry in the cutest way possible, smiling the most biggest smile. It was truly mesmerizing.

“What show is this?” Haram asked, looking at the ticket. “Idolize?”

“It’s this famous show that they are putting on here this year,” Mina began to explain. “I heard that some of the world’s best performers do this show. I thought it would be a great date night for the both of you.”

“Thank you, noona,” I said, putting both tickets back into the envelope. I look at Haram, who smiles at me when I do. “I guess you have to wear your most formal attire for one night.”

“If it means I get to wear a fancy dress instead of a blouse and skirt that easily stains from the dry erase markers, then I am more than excited to attend this show with you.” Haram emphasized. I laugh at her jokes; it’s been awhile since laughing at another person’s jokes.

…

“Haram-ie,” I said as I tidied up my living room area. “It’s just a little show; you don’t have to dress like it’s the Golden Disc awards.” I could hear Haram sigh in frustration over the phone.

“You’re no help,” Haram finally said over the phone. I smiled through the phone. “Well, I still have some time to think about it. When is the show again?”

“In about two weeks,” I answered, turning off the light in the living room to walk upstairs for the night. “You have plenty of time to decide what to wear for the show, even though you’re pretty no matter what you’re wearing.” I could hear Haram playfully suck her teeth over the phone; it was super cute.

“We’ll see,” Haram finally said. I smiled as I turned on the light to my bedroom. i walked over towards my dresser to get a pair of pajamas. I immediately look at the folded gray scarf at the bottom of the drawer.

“I should go to bed though, I have work in the morning,” Haram finally said. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Saranghae, oppa.”

“Goodnight, Haram-ie,” I smiled as I closed the drawer. “Saranghae.” I hung up the phone and sat on my bed, lost in thought. These past couple months have felt like what my life was like before traveling abroad. I saw my family once a week for dinner, I continued to work at the law firm, and I spent my time off with my girlfriend. I occasionally would go and see Kevin at his new place in Seoul with his girlfriend, JooAh and I keep in touch with Shawn as best as I can since he moved to America a couple of months ago. This is as normal my life has felt since, well…

… since New York.

…

“Ya, ya; I’m coming!” I shouted as I ran across the apartment to my ringing phone. “yeoboseyo?“

“Hyung!” Shawn shouted out. “Guess where I currently am.”

“Ya,” I said as I laughed. “I am not playing this game with you.” I sat down on the couch with the phone against my ear.

“Well, you’re no fun,” Shawn said, deadpanned. “Anyway, I’m in Korea!”

“What are you doing back in Korea?” I asked as I sat up in place. “You and your girlfriend broke up?” When I didn’t hear him say anything, I cocked my eyebrows up.. “Did you and your girlfriend break up?”

“No, no,” Shawn finally answered. “Shes actually in Korea with me.” I raised an eyebrow, wanting to know more about Shawn’s plans here in Korea.

“Mwo? For what?” I asked.

“Well,” Shawn began to say. “I brought her here to meet my family.” I cocked my eyebrows up, surprised that Shawn has made a decision as big as this one.

“How are you feeling about that?” I asked, curious to know. “That’s a big step towards your relationship with Skylar. Have you met her family?” I immediately regret asking the question. Of course he has; her cousin is Grace.

“I met her dad back in America,” Shawn answered back. “Sky’s an only child, and her mom isn’t in the picture. Her dad was nice though; very welcoming to me.” I smiled at Shawn’s response. He’s come a long way from first moving to America to be with Skylar, and it seems like he’s moving towards a more mature approach to adulthood; if anything, I’m glad that being with Skylar has brought out these traits in him.

“Are you thinking about marriage?” I finally asked Shawn. In the past, Shawn was against the idea of marriage, especially growing up in a home where he watched his own parents divorce as a child. It was reasonable, but I hoped that as he got older and found the right woman, he would change his mind.

“That’s the thing,” Shawn began. “What if my family doesn’t like her? What if they just see her as some foreigner that took their son and brother away?”

“It’s always a risk that couples take when meeting each others family,” I reassured. “Sometimes it’s not always going to be the way we planned it out to be. But it shouldn’t determine whether or not you want to marry the person you love.” Shawn sighed as I was handing him the advice. “This is another stupid question, but is Skylar the one?” Shawn didn’t say anything back right away; he simply sighed.

“Aigoo,” Shawn simply said. I didn’t need to hear anything else. I know he was going to marry Skylar one day.

I shift in my seat, waiting for Shawn to say something. Shawn lets out a huge breath of air before he says anything else.

“How are you and Haram doing? Shawn asked and smiled. Redirecting the focus on something else besides himself: classic Shawn.

“We’re doing really good,” I answered, smiling. “We’re going to a dance show to celebrate our 6 month anniversary next week. Mina got us tickets to Idolize.”

“Nice, nice,” Shawn simply answered, clearing his throat afterwards. “Is Haram the one? You know, you’re not getting any younger, Hyung.”

“Ha, ha,” I deadpanned, shaking my head at Shawn’s comment. “Haram and I just started dating 6 months ago; needless to say we’re taking things slow.”

“If Haram is willing to marry you when you’re old and covered in wrinkles then she’s definitely the one.” Shawn joked. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

…

On stage, Grace continues to dance on stage, and it’s not long after the long pause that I hear a woman a couple of rows from me yell out and stand from her seat.

“Fuck it up, Grace!” the woman said. I immediately look over and notice that the woman is foreigner; she wasn’t just any other foreigner, but it was Skylar. I widen my eyes in shock, not expecting her to be here. But if she’s here, then that means Shawn is here with her. I look at the stage and the curtain closes after Grace’s performance. The audience stands up and claps after the performance; it’s not a surprise that Grace would receive a standing ovation.

The curtain opens up and the stage is filled with all of the dancers. I can’t help but spot Grace on stage among the other dancers. She looks determined and focused; aggressive like the song playing. I can’t help but not watch her dance on stage; she’s mesmerizing when she does. The lights turn into a gold-ish color and confetti begins to come down onto the stage. The dancers close off the last number of the show in a closing position. Idolize, Idolize, Idolize; the song finishes and the stage goes dark. I look over at Haram, who sits in her seat and clapping at the end of the performance. I look over toward the direction that I saw Skylar sitting at.

I need to find Shawn and give him a piece of my mind.

“So,” I began the conversation with my mother sitting in her small NYC apartment on a hot, summer day. We eat Italian Ices that we picked up on our way back to her place after hauling my stuff to her apartment. “Dad once told me that you used to not let everyone see you dance. Why?” My mom looked at me, shocked that I knew that information.

“Your dad told you that?” she repeated back.

“He did,” I nodded. “He said he was lucky to be one of the few people you allowed see you dance; but, how could you have danced all over the world if you didn’t like people watch you dance?”

“I got out of my own head,” she honestly answered back. “I figured if this was something I wanted to do as a career, I had to open myself up to the world to watch me dance.” She looked down at her Ice and began to scrape it. “Your father was the person to help me get over that fear.”

“Really?” I asked, not knowing that piece of the information. “He didn’t tell me that.” She smiled at me.

“Your father had a hard time taking credit where needed,” she simply said. “He promised that he would come to every one of my college shows just so that I at least knew one person in the crowd. It got easier as the years went and by the time I graduated college, I was able to perform without every getting nervous or having 500 things on my mind.” The smile faded once she took a deep breath. “The first time that he didn’t show up to a show was when I was in India for the Dance Production I was a part of. I had a solo and everything and it broke my heart that he wasn’t in the audience giving me that comfort I sought out throughout my career.”

“Was that the gig you did after you left?” I asked, putting the pieces of my dad and her stories together. She didn’t verbally say anything back to me; she simply nodded.

…

I nervously fidgeted with my fingers as I stood backstage with the other dancers, warming up for the show to begin in 30 minutes. These last couple of days have felt like a complete blur; I’ve been in rehearsal to learn the dance solo for the production at early hours of the morning, completely immersing myself in dance. I told Skylar and Shawn that I would make up for the time we lost to hang out while they were both in the area. I also apologized to Sahim countless of times for cancelling on dates because I needed to rehearse more. In a sense, I felt like I was over-rehearsing, and now I was nervous that I was going to forget the steps when it truly mattered. I took a deep breath before I heard Aimee call out my name.

“Grace!” Aimee said as she walked over to me with Maurice. I hid my nerves with a smile before they could see me.

“It’s time!” I excitedly said, in which both Aimee and Maurice did a celebratory dance. “How are you guys feeling?”

“I feel so ready to go out there and fucking dance already,” Maurice said, loud enough so that the other dancers backstage heard him. “I feel like we’ve been rehearsing for this shit for decades.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Aimee chimed in before looking at me. It wasn’t long after that I see Sahim walking backstage with his equipment, looking for me. His eyes meet mine and he smiles. Aimee looks toward the direction I’m looking, which makes me blush. “Come on, Maurice; Grace is about to get her good luck kiss from her man.” I laugh and shook my head as they walked away. Sahim quickly greeted them as he walked toward me.

“Hey, tiny dancer,” Sahim said with the biggest smile on his face. “You’re ready for your big, grand solo?”

“Don’t remind me,” I sighed. “I feel like I’m going to puke up my nerves.”

“It’s normal,” Sahim reassured. “First night jitters.”

“Not for a dancer who just learned an entire solo in three days,” I mentioned, shaking my hands to release the nerves somewhere on my body.

“You got this, Grace,” Sahim reassured. “You definitely deserve your time to shine. You’ve honestly sacrificed so much to be here.”

“At what cost?” I said more to myself than out-loud, but Sahim definitely heard me say it.

“Your daughter probably thinks you’re the coolest fucking person in the world,” Sahim began to say. “She’s probably going to watch the live-stream and cheer you on because you’re her mom.” I look up at Sahim as he spoke. I didn’t mean to start tearing up, but I’m immediately looking up to not let the tears ruin the makeup on my face. Sahim goes into his pocket for tissue and quickly hands it to me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to–“

“No, no; it’s fine,” I said as I dabbed the tissue lightly near my eyes. “I’m just grateful that even being so far away, she could see me dance.” I look at Sahim again and find him looking at me as I spoke. “I hope one day she can see me dance in person.”

“No doubt in my mind that she will,” Sahim reassured, placing a hand on my shoulder for comfort. “Tonight is the first night of the rest of your career to come; don’t let anything take that away from you.” I simply nodded as one of the assistants gives us a 5 minute warning before the show starts. Sahim quickly kisses my cheek unexpectedly.

“See you after the show, tiny dancer,’ Sahim smiled before he walks away from me. Once he disappears from view, I take a deep breath and take my place on stage. All the dancers are in place behind the curtain, waiting for the first number of the production to begin. I look directly ahead where there is a slight gap of the curtain that shows the audience. From what I can see, it’s a full house; people are dressed in formal attire and are chatting with one another. I wonder if mom saw the audience before her production. I wonder if she stood on stage, waiting for the curtain to open knowing the people she wanted there weren’t. I wonder what motivated her to even dance the way she did if eventually, no one that was actually important watched anymore?

I see the lights in the audience dim and the stage lights turn on behind the curtain. Before I could even register it, the curtains swing open and now the dancers are exposed to the audience. The audience applauds once we are seen. I look up from the ground and out to the audience once the first song begins to play. The dance finally starts.

The harmonies of the first song align with our moves for the first number. No theatrics; nothing distracting to us or the audience, we just dance. I don’t remember much once I started to dance, which was odd since I do nothing but think about everything all at once when I dance. It’s like this time I was just ‘Grace, the dancer’. I was a young girl in Virginia telling my dad that I wanted to dance like the kids on my favorite TV show. I remember the stage outfits that would hang up on the back of my bedroom door, staring back at me the night before a state competition. I see the trophies lined up in my room on shelves that my dad build once my bookshelf was full of different awards from different shows.

I remember dancing for my mother for the first time without even realizing she was my mom the first time I came to New York. It was the first couple of months of my senior year of high school and danced at a local academy while I was here. She was the choreographer of the academy at the time; I believe it was fate to meet her in that small rehearsal space. It was fate that we only ever met through our love of dance. I knew I loved it for the majority of my life and tried to mask it by doing something that was the complete opposite of it. I don’t regret the outcomes of what being a lawyer gave me, but sometimes I wonder what if I continued my dance career in college? Would anything be different about the way I live my life now? Would I even have Willow? If so, would I have left Willow the way my mom did? I notice the lights turn bright yellow; they twinkle on the stage lightly to give the illusion of stars. The first number ends with the dancers looking up toward the ceiling, at the stars.

No. I wouldn’t ever leave her. That’s what makes me different than my mother, no matter how alike we truly are.

…

I run toward the backstage and grab my water before heading to the dressing room. In passing, Aimee holds up her hand for a hi-five, in which I give one to her.

“Go kill that fucking solo, girl!” Aimee shouted. I smiled, running past the doors for an outfit change. The majority of the production was going amazing; most of the nerves left once I started to dance the various numbers of the production. It was tiring, but the feeling I have is one I want to feel for the rest of my life. I feel like this is the most focused I’ve been while dancing, even if I heard Skylar cheer from the audience a couple of times. Once again proving that you can’t take Skylar everywhere. I didn’t mind; it felt good to have someone you knew watching you dance in real time. I can only imagine how everyone at home is reacting to the production.

Once the styling crew finishes putting me in my stage outfit for the solo number, I walk to the vanity I’ve claimed for most of the rehearsals we had here. I had a couple of minutes before I had run back to the stage. I sat down and went through my dance bag, unzipping a section inside of the bag slowly. I pulled out a bracelet and rubbed the one charm attached to it; a key. I swallowed hard, knowing that this bracelet has sat in that pocket since I put it there packing for New York. I quickly put it back in the bag once I see the dressing room door open.

“Five minute warning, tiny dancer,” Sahim said, poking his head into the door. I smiled, walking toward him.

“Did you personally tell the assistant you were gonna give me the warning?” I teased. Sahim laughs but he’s clearly guilty.

“I wanted to see you before your first official solo performance of the production,” Sahim smiled as he leaned against the door frame. He looks at my outfit before looking back up at me. “You look beautiful for it.”

“Thank you,” I said, looking down at the sparkly golden outfit. “Do you think the headpiece is too much?” I joked, pointing at the ridiculous crown sewn into my hair.

“It’s perfect,” Sahim said. “Like the person wearing it.”

“You’re perfect,” Jamie said after kissing me in my apartment for the first time.

Sahim slowly leaned in to kiss me. “Two minute warning,” he whispered. My eyes widen, quickly running past him to head backstage before the number started.

I watch the dancers begin the number from the side of the stage. I’m beginning to feel nervous and the thoughts are pouring back into my mind. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to forget Jamie’s words echoing in my head. Sahim. Not Jamie. At this point, I was angry; why the fuck would I let the words of a man that broke every part of my heart get to me on such a night like this? Sahim is the one that knows the real me, the dancer, the one bettering herself for the life of her family; he made me feel like a human being again, like I can love again–

The lights on the stage dim and a spotlight appears on the side that I’m standing on. This is the present, Grace, and the rest of your life. Live in it. The music slows down and I finally enter the stage for the dance solo.

And when you hurted, was I vindicated? The lyrics of the song were the only evidence of sound heard in that moment. I’ve hurt so many people to get where I am. I hurt my father, now reminding him of my mother at my age, doing the things that broke their marriage up all those years ago. I hurt my mother, not listening to her advice of getting into dance when I saw it through her eyes that she wanted better for me than this. I hurt Max, I hurt Ari, I hurt Scott and Emerson and Cami and Skylar and everyone else that I left behind because I was too afraid to stay in one place. I hurt Willow, for not always being her mom first before anything else. I even hurt Sahim for never telling him the truth about my past life; one that I’ve been too scared to speak into the universe again.

I hurt Jamie, for forcefully leaving him in that past, knowing that it wasn’t always an easy task. It was nearly impossible to.

You left me on my knees, heartbreaking.

I clunched my chest with my fists, dancing to every beat and word of the song, allowing the dance to completely take over my body. For once, I allowed the dance to depict all of the things roaming through my head; the emotion, the angst, the disappointment… the forever healing that’s inevitable for a person like me.

I won’t bleed for your love, I won’t bleed; I won’t bleed for your love, I won’t bleed.

Will there ever be a time where all of that just stops? Will there be a time where time freezes and I feel okay for once? Will I ever believe that I am capable of true, unrequited love without ever doubting it? Was there ever a time I just looked at something or someone that I didn’t antagonize in my life, and that for once I am able to just breathe and be wholeheartedly the person I am meant to be and–

I won’t bleed, I won’t bleed.

The music stops for dramatic effect and I’m now facing the audience, exposed and vulnerable by myself on stage in the middle of the spotlight. I catch my breath for the slightest moment before the music starts back up. I glanced down at the audience. That’s the moment where time froze. That’s the moment all I heard was the exhale of my breath.

That’s the moment I saw Jamie sitting in the audience, looking directly at me.

My dad tried to hide my mom from me as long as he could. I remember asking about her at a young age. Who was she? Was I anything like her? What did she do for a living?

I was about to start high school when I first had the courage to really ask my dad about my mom. We had just came home from Aunt Jessie’s funeral; we had just said goodbye to Uncle Mason and Skylar for the day. It was silent, like we were both mentally exhausted from the day we had. I looked at my dad as he ate the takeout we got before we got home. He was on his phone, paying me no mind. I sat there, feeling the word vomit come up towards my throat. I picked the cuticles on my hands, looking down at them as I called out for my dad. He looked up at me when I did.

“What’s the real reason mom left?” I asked.

…

I walked to Sonia’s room, nervous to see what she wanted to talk to me about. I can’t lie; Sonia has been a hard-ass for the majority of the rehearsals. I thought that maybe she hated me or something the way she would nitpick every mistake I made on stage. I just didn’t understand why out of all the dancers in the production, she would only focus on me and the mistakes I made. Sahim would tell me to not worry about it too much, and that was just Sonia’s personality. Something told me it was always something more than just that.

I knocked on her hotel door and it immediately opens. Sonia stands there and looks at me.

“Hi, Grace,” Sonia said. “Come on in.” I slowly walked into Sonia’s room; clearly her room was bigger and more expensive than what the dancers were staying in.

“Your assistant said you wanted to speak to me,” I mentioned, sitting on the chair directly across Sonia in the living room area.

“Yes,” Sonia answered and readjusting in her seat. “I wanted to talk to you about the production.” I assumed that much, Sonia. She looks directly at me before she continues. “We wanted to change some things around with the last number of the production; the ‘Proper’ number.”

“Okay,” I simply said, worrying about the changes she wants to make. Is she taking me out of that number? Is she completely cutting out that number because of me?

“I want you to learn the complete solo part of the number,” Sonia stated, not giving it any room to linger in the air. “I and the rest of the production team think that splitting the solo isn’t necessary. You embody the message of the piece flawlessly.” I had to blink a couple of times to realize that this wasn’t some sort of dream I was having. Did she just compliment my dancing for once this entire time?

“Wow, uhm; thank you,” I said, clearly trying to find the right words to say. “That truly means a lot to me.” Sonia smiles at me.

“When I first danced at the original production, there was this dancer that did more than just dance ; she told a story,” Sonia began to say. “She was the type of dancer that you didn’t find in your typical studio. It was like she was born to dance or something. The director of the production wanted her to finish with a dance solo and when I tell you I can still remember that dance step-by-step; it was simply mesmerizing.” Sonia stopped for a moment and looked back at me. “Her name was Mollie Sue Castro.”

“Oh,” I quickly reacted, not realizing that the dancer she was talking about was my mom.

“Yes,” Sonia answered, laughing at my response. “Mollie was the best dancer in that production, and that says a lot considering all of the dancers were the top in their respective academies. Mollie was always different though. I didn’t speak to her a lot, but when she did she always was focused on the dance numbers and really danced at each rehearsal like it was the real thing. She was offered the solo the night before the opening show; a couple of the dancers and I went out and saw Mollie dancing for what nearly was at least 6 hours straight. How do I know that? I left the rehearsal space that afternoon and returned late at night; she was still dancing.”

“She sounds like she was dedicated in her craft,” I said, trying to not give away the fact that Mollie is my mother. I don’t know if Sonia knows that or not, but I figured it was best to keep it to myself.

“She was,” Sonia agreed. “I don’t know what she went on to do after the production, but I can only imagine it was amazing things, because she was an amazing dancer.” Sonia laughed to herself before she said anything else. “Your dancing reminds me a lot of hers. I swear I didn’t remember much of Mollie until I first saw you dance, in which the technique and style were uncannily similar.”

“Is that a good thing?” I asked, wanting to hear Sonia open up more about my technique. We all knew she was once a dancer herself and that she participated in the first-ever dance production, so hearing her talk about my dancing in a positive way felt good. It made me feel like I was actually doing something right in my life.

“A great thing,” Sonia answered. “I think you are capable of making history just like Mollie did, because–this stays between us–we haven’t had a dancer like her in the following productions like her since she was in it herself. That was until I saw you dance for the first time. You have a real talent that exceeds a lot of the others in this production, and you all are some of the nation’s best dancers.”

“Thank you, Sonia,” I genuinely said. “That really means a lot to me, considering I thought you hated my dancing or something.” I tried to laugh it off since Sonia had opened up to me a bit more, but she didn’t laugh along.

“Make no mistake, Grace,” Sonia began to explain. “If you feel like my comments or critique is harsh or stern, it’s only because you have so much potential to be amazing for the production. You’re a seamless dancer, but you always look like you have 500 things on your mind when you dance. I need you to focus and really believe that you are a natural-born dancer. Because you are.” I didn’t say anything back to Sonia, only because she was right. I do always have so much on my mind when I’m dancing; I always did. I feel like I’m constantly having things run through my mind.

“I don’t think there’s ever been a time when I didn’t,” I said out loud. I looked at Sonia to clarify. “You know, have so much on my mind.”

“We all do,” Sonia argued. “And for most of us, it hinders us from living life to it’s fullest potential.” Sonia leaned forward and looked directly at me with a stern look on her face. “Whatever you have going on in your life brought you here. You and every other person in this production are here because of a decision you all made, so why let things out of your control ruin the things that you are in control of?” Sonia’s alarm on her phone goes off, which cuts her sentence short. She turns off her alarm and takes a deep breath before she says anything else. “I do have another occasion in about 30 minutes, so I’ll let you go and relax for the night. Let me know if the dance solo is something you are interested in doing; you’ll have to be at rehearsal early to be taught the beginning of the solo.”

I nod my head, understanding Sonia and her directions. She smiles and gets up from her seat, which then makes me stand up.

“Thank you for seeing me, Grace,” Sonia gently said. “I apologize if this conversation happened later than we intended, but we have an entire year to work together professionally.”

“Thank you,” I simply said, walking towards the front door to exit.

…

My dad thinks before he says anything to me. It’s different; he would answer right away and very vague just to move on from the subject. I was shocked he even said anything to me.

“Your mom was–is–an amazing dancer,” he began to say. “She dedicated her life to dancing, even if it affected the relationships around her. I used to travel all the way uptown to make her dance shows just because she was very selective to who watched her dance. I had the luxury of being one of the few that she felt comfortable enough to dance in front of.” He smiled as he spoke about their younger days, but I knew things would change as it quickly faded away.

“As we got older, her career became more damaging to our relationship. Settling down wasn’t something your mother wasn’t ready to do, even if it was gradually happening. We both had to sacrifice some parts of our lives to make sure that you were okay, and that we were properly taking care of you. Your mom wasn’t ready to sacrifice things like I was.” He sighed before he continued to explain. “Your mom wanted to further herself and her career–“

“So she just fucking left me for dance?” I asked, angry now. My dad looked at me sternly and scrunched his eyebrows.

“Language,” he simply said.

“My mom left me to pursue her dance career?!” I got up from my seat, feeling the tears forming in my eyes.

“Grace,” my dad called out for me, but it was too late.

I hated my mom for choosing dance over her own daughter, and I hate that I loved doing the thing she left me for.

Rehearsal ended earlier than usual today since we were getting some unexpected snow that would make the travel back to our hotels a very messy one. I don’t mind the snow too much while I’m here, and probably that was just me experiencing life in a place I never been before. New York winters felt too gray and gloomy, and the fallen snow reflected that feeling once it’s been sitting on the ground for more than 12 hours. I wonder if people who’ve never been to New York before feel the same as I do about the winter here in Korea.

“Winter in Korea is nice,” Jamie began to say as he looked around Bryant Park. “But, sometimes it can leave so much snow behind that it makes it hard to commute.”

“Is the snow actually pretty looking in Korea?” I asked. “New York snow always looks so sad.”

“Living through many years experiencing winters in Korea, it can also feel very gloomy and sad,” Jamie answered. He looks at me before continuing. “I think every season can be sad looking if you think about it. Winter is too cold, Spring is always raining, Summer is too hot, and Fall is when all the leaves fall from the trees.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I never really thought about it like that. That’s actually kind of depressing.” Jamie chuckled at my statement and shakes his head.

“Life in general can be sad if you don’t have the right people around you,” he began to justify his argument. “Have you ever thought about the life around you when you’re in good company?” We continue to walk down the paths in Bryant Park and I find myself stumbled with his last question. Did I question the life around me whenever I was with other people? Is he right? Do we not really pay any mind to the life living around you when you’re enjoying it with good company? I look around and see the grayish snow on the side of the walkway; this looks quite depressing, but here I am, not really paying it any mind as I walk alongside it with Jamie.

“No,” I simply answered.

I look around me as I sit outside of a local coffee shop not too far from the hotel. I look up at the sky slowly growing dark and grey. I grab my bag from the table and begin to walk back to the hotel before the snow starts coming down.

…

“Is Willow going to be okay?” I asked as I began to tidy up the room with my cellphone against my right ear and shoulder. “Should I FaceTime you?”

“No, no,” Max insisted. “Willow is okay; she just fell on the ice when her class went to the ice skating rink for their field trip. She’s still sleeping.” I shut my eyes tight, feeling incredibly guilty.

“Okay,” I simply said, opening my eyes as I sighed. It’s only 6 o’clock in the morning in New York. “I will be home for the rest of the night, so please call me if you have any updates on Willow.”

“Okay,” Max answered. “She’ll probably get up in another hour. She’s staying home from school today just so she can rest.” I nod my head, understanding the agenda Max has planned for Willow.

“That’s good,” I added. The doorbell rings and I immediately look at the front door. “Give a kiss to Willow for me when she does get up; I gotta go.”

“Alright, I’ll talk to you later,” Max ends off the conversation. I hang up and walk towards the front door to open it. Standing there on the other side is Sahim.

“Hey,” I said, immediately forgetting to tell him about the change of plans. Sahim looks at me, clearing confused at the loungewear I have on.

“Am I overdressed?” Sahim asked, pointing at his outfit. He’s wearing a cable-knit turtle neck, black jeans, sneakers, and wool coat. Gosh, he looks good.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, shaking my head and inviting him inside my room. I closed the door behind us and immediately begin to explain why I wasn’t ready yet to go out. “I meant to tell you after today’s rehearsal, but my cousin and I agreed to just do a quick take out dinner tonight since the snow was going to be bad to travel in afterwards.”

“Oh it’s okay,” Sahim says and smiles at me. “I know you didn’t want to go by yourself to dinner, but I’ll get going since, y’know,” Sahim nods his head toward the window where the snow is beginning to fall outside.

“No, please,” I began to quickly say before Sahim walks toward the front door. “I mean, you’re more than welcome to still stay for dinner. I will even overdress a little bit so that you’re not the only one.” Sahim shyly laughs at me, which is honestly like music to my ears right now.

“Are you sure?” Sahim asked once more. I look up to him and wrapped my arms around him.

“Positive,” I answered, smiling up at him.

It wasn’t long after that Skylar and Shawn rang the doorbell of my room. I walk out from the bathroom wearing a pair of denim jeans and a turtleneck blouse. Sahim looks at me when I walk in the living room room area.

“I think you are now the best dressed between the both of us,” Sahim mentioned. I smile and roll my eyes before answering the front door. Staying there is Skylar and Shawn.

“Hey!” Skylar excitingly said before hugging me. Shawn walks into the apartment with Skylar and greets me once Skylar releases me from our hug.

“Hi, Grace,” Shawn greeted. I’ve noticed that Shawn’s English pronunciation has gotten a lot better since the last time I got the chance to speak with him.

“Hey,” I greeted Shawn. I turned around to see Sahim getting up from his seat once Skylar notices him there. Oh boy.

“Well hi there,” Skylar greets Sahim as she puts her hand out. “I’m Skylar, Grace’s cousin.”

“Hi, Skylar; I’m Sahim,” he responded back as he shakes her hand. “I work with Grace.”

I quickly walk over to Skylar and Sahim to not make it any more awkward for me than it already was… for me.

“I hope you don’t mind Sahim staying for dinner, ” I said as I stand in between the two. “I invited him when the plans were actually us going out for dinner.”

“I don’t mind,” Skylar teased and then looked at Shawn. Shawn looked confused as he looked at Skylar.

“Yeah,” Shawn simply said. Skylar rolled her eyes and brought Shawn with her in the living room area. I sat across from them, but next to Sahim. I can already feel my face get hot.

“Have you done some tourist stuff in between rehearsals?” Skylar starts up the conversation.

“A couple of restaurants,” I answered, crossing my legs on top of the couch. “A bunch of us went to this really nice club one night a couple of weeks ago.”

“I love me a good club,” Skylar stated. She looks at Sahim and from there I can feel the knot in my stomach getting tighter. “Are you also a dancer?” she asked Sahim.

“I work as part of the crew of the production,” Sahim answered. “Under the videographer.” I look at Sahim as he speaks; I’m glad he doesn’t look nervous or unlike himself when speaking to Skylar.

“Oh, do the dancers work closely with the tech crew?” Skylar asked.

“Sky,” I said, looking at her. Skylar looks at me before looking back at Sahim.

“What? I’m just making small conversation,” Skylar insisted.

“They do,” Sahim answered. “We sometimes have to position the dancers on stage so that the proper lighting hits them during the key aspects of the choreography.” The room goes silent. Did someone actually leave my cousin at a loss for words for once?

“I didn’t know that,” Skylar responded without looking bothered. “That’s actually really cool.”

“So, what do you want to do for dinner?” Shawn intervened, looking at Skylar. Skylar smiles at him.

“I want to try some authentic Korean food,” she answered. “Are there any restaurants that delivers around here?”

“I haven’t tried take out yet around here,” I answered, taking my phone out to scroll at the places closest to the hotel. “It also doesn’t help that many of these restaurants are in Korean.” I look up at Shawn. “I mean, of course, we’re in Korea, so of course the restaurant would… be… in Korean.” That was insensitive to say sitting across from a native born Korean.

“Many Korean restaurants prefer pick up rather than delivery; delivery is for more fast food and convenience stores,” Shawn informed us. “We can call ahead and then go and pick it up.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Skylar said. “Let’s just pick what we want and have Shawn ordered it over the phone.” I know Shawn doesn’t mind doing whatever it is that Skylar wants, but I felt a little embarrassed to sit across Shawn and see Skylar use him as her own person translator.

“We could try to order it, Shawn doesn’t need to,” I insisted. Shawn shakes his head before saying anything.

“It’s okay,” Shawn began. “Not all Korean restaurants have the patience to serve foreigners.”

“Business is business,” Sahim chimed in. I looked at him, sensing he didn’t like how Shawn spoke to me. I didn’t read much into the cadence of Shawn’s words. I learned early on that when there is a language barrier, things can be interpreted differently. Early on in Skylar’s relationship with Shawn, I had to explain this to her; especially when Shawn’s English was little to none when they first met. The amount of shit I used to give Ja–

“Let’s pick what we want and have Shawn order for us,” I concluded. I smile at Skylar and Shawn, just to keep the peace as well as the tension in as low as possible.

…

“Thank you,” Shawn says in Korean before hanging up the phone. “The food will be ready in about 20 minutes; we should probably get going.”

“Should we go and get it it?” I asked, while looking at Skylar. I can tell she did not want to move from where she was sitting.

“You two stay,” Sahim said. “I can go with Shawn to get the food.” Skylar and I look at both Sahim and Shawn. Gosh, such an old pair to go out together.

“You sure?” I asked as Sahim walks toward me to grab his coat from the arm-rest of the couch. I get up from the couch as he puts his coat on.

“Positive,” Sahim answered. He kisses the top of my forehead out of nowhere, which instantly makes my face hot and noticeably red. The consequences of that innocent gesture, Sahim.

“We’ll be back with good Korean food,” Shawn says as he puts his coat on. The two men exit the front door and close the door behind him. Cue Skylar’s squeal in 3… 2… 1–

“Ahhh, Grace!” Skylar said out loud. “Like, whoa!”

“Shut up,” I playfully said, walking to the small round table to clean the things off of it.

“So, are you guys dating?” she asked. I don’t answer right away, not really know how to answer her back. Tell her the truth? Tell her what I think? We don’t even know what the fuck we are. “Grace?”

“No,” I answered, being honest. “We haven’t defined anything.”

“Why not?” Skylar immediately questioned.

“I don’t know,” I said nonchalantly. “I guess we haven’t spoke about it yet.”

“Grace,” Skylar sternly called my name. “Don’t lead this man on if you don’t want what he wants.”

“I don’t know what he wants, Sky,” I spat back, a little defensive of my feelings. “Like I said, we haven’t spoken about it.”

“Yet you’re inviting him over for dinner with Shawn and I?”

“Yeah, so I wasn’t third-wheeling at dinner,” I said, lying through my teeth. Of course I wanted Sahim to meet the important people in my life because I like him, but if he wanted to date me, he would’ve asked by now. The thought of me and him being a couple makes me giddy, but reality sets in and I’m reminded that we never really talk about the future if it’s not about the future of the production.

“Don’t you think he thinks this is something worth more?” Skylar asked. “Like seriously, he’s here because he wants to be a part of your life, and you just have him here just so you don’t feel awkward with me and Shawn?” I didn’t answer back. It sounds really shitty for explaining it the way I did, but it was the only way I can make it work in my mind. Sahim is good company, but are we actually destined to be together?

Skylar gets up from the sofa to grab her phone from the coffee table. She looks visibly annoyed at me. I sat down next to her, putting her phone back down on the coffee table.

“I like him,” I said. “But… I’m scared to let anyone else in. The more I tell myself this is casual, the less likely I’ll end up fucking it up.”

“Sahim is not Max or,” Skylar stopped mid-sentence. “You gotta let that shit go. Like I get that you opened yourself to love to the point where it fucked you up, but now you are the reason this man might do the same.” I ponder in thought until I hear a knock on the door. I get up from the couch and walk to the door. It can’t be the guys with the food already.

I opened the door and standing there was the assistant director of the production, Rebecca.

“Hey, Rebecca,” I greeted.

“Sonia wants to speak to you,” Rebecca said, going straight to the point.

“Right now?” I asked, looking back at Skylar who is now on her cellphone. I look back at Rebecca. “I’m about to sit down for dinner.”

“She mentioned it was super important,” Rebecca emphasized. “Her room is on the 12th floor.”

“Sure,” I said. “I go and talk to her.”

All of the other dancers begin to get ready for today’s rehearsal; myself included. I adjust the pointe shoes on my feet and begin to tie them up before I notice Aimee walking toward me.

“Hey Aimee,” I said as she sat next to me, beginning to put on her pointe shoes as well. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright,” Aimee answered. “Maurice and I ended up watching Legally Blonde before coming to rehearsal.” I smiled at Aimee’s answer.

“Sometimes, you just need a good classic movie to make things better,” I stated. Aimee took a deep breath before speaking.

“I’m just afraid to go back to my room after rehearsal and sit alone with my thoughts. Like, it’s so much more easy to have a friend or someone just be there with you.” I look at Aimee and listen to her speak. I know exactly how that feels. There’s only so much your family and friends an do until the sun goes down and you’re left with just your thoughts for the night.

“If you ever want to come to my room, you know you’re always welcome to,” I reassured Aimee. “I know how it feels to sit in your thoughts alone and I wouldn’t want you doing that 3 days before the opening.” Aimee smiled in appreciation.

“When did I get the best of friends?” Aimee asked.

“Well I can’t speak for Maurice being the best,” I jokingly said. We both laugh as we continue to get ready for the rehearsal. It wasn’t long after that the director’s assistant was calling for the dancers in Aimee’s number. “Have a good rehearsal; I’ll see you soon on stage.” Aimee got up from the ground and quickly placed her bag in one of the vacant lockers.

I continued to lace up the ribbon of my pointe shoe until I see a man’s shoe in front of me. I look up and instantly smile.

“Hey, Sahim,” I greeted him. “You’re on break or something?”

“As a matter of fact, I am,” Sahim answered, sitting down on the ground next to me. “Ready for rehearsal?”

“Ready as I can be,” I answered, then smiled. “Got any plans after work today?”

“Most likely catch up on some television shows,” Sahim said. “I promise I won’t have too much fun without you around.” I rolled my eyes at his cute little response. Just like him to do. “How about you?”

“I’m going out for dinner,” I began to answer. “My cousin and her boyfriend surprised me earlier today. They’re here on vacation and are going to the opening of the show this Friday.”

“Is this family from back home?” Sahim asked. I nodded.

“My cousin Skylar lives in California with her Korean boyfriend,” I started to explain. “Ironic, isn’t it?”

“I mean it’s not too far-fetched considering you have a niece who lives in Korea,” Sahim pointed out. “But I’m glad you have family coming out to support on opening night. Are you more nervous now that you do?”

“I’m only nervous about Skylar making a fool of herself in the theater,” I emphasized. “She’s… not the person that can read a room well.” Sahim laughs at what I say.

“That’s family for you,” Sahim concluded.

“Maybe before the show you can meet them,” I suggested. “It would be a crime if I didn’t introduce you to her.” The lightbulb finally goes off in my head. “Would you like to come with me to dinner tonight?”

“To meet your family?” Sahim asked, looking a little worried now.

“It’s just my cousin,” I said. “Plus, it would be super awkward for me to just be there by myself while she’s with her boyfriend.”

“I don’t want to come unannounced to a dinner you and your cousin planned, Grace,” Sahim confessed. My eyes deadpanned toward Sahim.

“Let me rephrase,” I begin to explain. “Skylar is only wanting to go to dinner because she knows you exist.” Sahim’s eyes widen.

“You told your cousin about me?” Sahim asked, looking a little shy now. I didn’t realize just how much that sounded like a teenager telling her friends about a crush.

“I did,” I confessed, looking down at my shoes to avoid eye contact with him. “She was curious about the guy I kept spending my time with here in Korea.” I finally look up at Sahim.

“Did I get the favorite cousin seal of approval?” Sahim asked teasingly. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Considering she wants to meet you, then probably,” I answered. “I know it’s short notice, but it would mean a lot if you came with me tonight.”

“So, a double date,” Sahim said out loud before looking back at me. “Is this something that you want?”

“Whatcha mean?” I asked, not really understanding what he meant by that.

“Introduce me to your family,” Sahim answered. “I know it’s not your parents or anything, but from what you tell me about your cousin, introducing me to her seems to be like a big deal.” I scrunched my eyebrows together, feeling a little embarrassed that Sahim is questioning my intentions for tonight. Sure, I don’t want to show up to this dinner by myself and sitting across Skylar and Shawn. I want to feel comfortable just in case something goes wrong. God, what if they bring up Jamie? Jamie. I slowly realize that I want Sahim there for more than just the support; I need him there to show them that I’m over my ex-boyfriend. That I moved on, living a better and happier life… but to drag Sahim into this dinner just to show off another man is wrong. I shake my head as I begin to get up from the ground.

“Forget it,” I finally said, gathering my stuff from the floor. “It’s a stupid idea.” Before I walked away, Sahim gets up from the floor and tries to get my attention.

“Hey, hey,” Sahim softly says to me. He looks down at me to meet up with my eyes; I look up at his. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just want to make sure this is something you want to do.”

“Sahim,” I begin to say before the assistant director calls out for the next number to prepare to go on stage. Maybe I shouldn’t say this. “I… got to go.”

“Say what you want to say,” Sahim says to me. “Don’t go without saying what you want to say. It’s just going to mess up your rehearsal.” Fuck, how does he know that?

“I… like you, a lot,” I started to say. “And I tend to do things that scare people away, like introducing them to the most important people in my life before they are ready for it. I’m doing nothing but scaring you away at this point.”

“Grace,” Sahim started to explain. “There’s nothing that you can do to scare me away at this point. I just want to be on the same page as you, because I also like you. A lot. But you already know that.” I bite my bottom lip as he speaks to me. I feel like a teenager that just got back the passed note with the “yes” checked off asking if my crush likes me too.

“Is this something that you want?” I asked Sahim back. “Do you want me?”

“Let’s just say it’s been hard to keep it professional ever since we kissed at the club,” Sahim answered. I could feel my face get really hot; I almost forgot that happened considering so many things are now happening around me. “I’ll pick you up at 7 for dinner with your cousin.”

“Really?” I asked, sounding a little too excited to hear him say that. All he does is smile. Now he’s just teasing me with it.

“Of course,” Sahim said. “I would love to meet the important people in your life, because you have become important to me.” Oh the way he knows how to use words kills me.

“Ditto,” I said, which was all I could say. The 2 minute warning from the assistant director is heard again. Quickly, Sahim kisses me on the cheek.

“Have a good rehearsal, darling,” Sahim said. Darling. I stupidly smile wide as I set my stuff near the other bags from the dancers and run out to make it to the stage.

I stand at the left side of the stage, waiting for my cue to come in as we rehearse the last two numbers of the production. Sahim’s words play in my head like a song on a never-ending loop. His words were always comforting to me; something I haven’t had in a person for quite some time now. I guess the night at the club sealed it in my mind: I really like Sahim. I’ve thought about him in situations that I haven’t thought about in a long time. I picture him and I visiting all of the tourist places in Korea after we clock out from our 9 to 5 and await for the 8 o’clock show that night. I picture him and I going back to New York and going to the park during the summer with Willow. I picture him and I going to his hometown to get a better glimpse of who he was before I met him as he is now. I picture Sahim being the one, and that fucking scares me. I should have learned the first time to date someone I worked with—

But this time feels like I was suppose to meet him like this. How else would I met this incredible man?

“Cue the Prosper number,” I hear the director call out from the stage. The music starts to play and I watch the other dancers begin to dance along to the music. It wasn’t long after that I hear the director cue me.

I enter the stage, dance to the music and land myself center stage. I open my eyes as I listen to the lyrics of the song and dance to the song. I take a glimpse at those who are at the front of the stage, watching the rehearsal. I see Sahim sitting there, watching me dance. It makes me smile.

It makes me hopeful. It inspires me. It makes me excited to see where this takes us.

I walked back into my hotel room, shaking the snow off from my coat and winter boots. The winter hasn’t been too bad in the month I’ve been here, but today’s snow has been nonstop. Sahim and I basically ran back to the hotel once the snow began to come down; the last thing we both wanted was to get stuck in a restaurant because the weather was so bad.

My phone rings on in my coat pocket. I take it out and pick it up once I see it’s Sahim.

“Hey,” I greeted. “Made it back to your room safely?”

“Yes; frozen, but safe,” Sahim said. I laughed at his response. “How about you? You’re okay?”

“Yeah, I just have to dry my coat and boots since they are covered in snow,” I said as I moved my boots to the bathroom and placed them in the tub.

“I’ll let you relax before rehearsal tonight,” Sahim responded. “Thanks again for letting me treat you to breakfast.” Ugh. My cheeks hurt from smiling so wide.

“Thank you for treating me,” I answered back, still smiling. “I’ll see you tonight for rehearsal.” We both said our goodbyes and hung up. I look at the time on my stove to see that it’s about 11AM. Skylar should definitely still be up. I walked my way toward the small sofa and dialed Skylar’s number; this time it goes straight to voicemail. I haven’t been able to get a hold of Skylar for the last two days and it’s now annoying me. I know the time difference makes it hard for me to get in contact with my family back in America, but Skylar always makes sure to call or text me when she has the time to. I toss my phone on the sofa and let out a loud sigh. Not long after, the doorbell rings. I get up and see through the peephole that it’s Aimee. I opened up the door and greet her.

“Hey, Aimee,” I said as I let her into my room. She walks in and immediately takes a seat on the sofa. “You’re okay?”

“Girl,” Aimee said as she crossed her legs together on the sofa. “If you still drank, I would’ve had has drinking the strongest of liquor right now.”

“What happened?” I asked, walking towards the sofa to join Aimee.

“My boyfriend and I got into a huge fight early this morning,” Aimee started to say. “We weren’t on the greatest terms when I left to come here, but we were trying to work things out. He calls me this morning to pretty much break up with me and say that my career is ruining our relationship.”

“What?” I said, shocked. I briefly met Aimee’s boyfriend over FaceTime one day when we were still in New York. He seemed like a good guy and was really into Aimee from the looks of it. “Is he really blaming your career for the fallout of your relationship?” Aimee’s anger quickly turns into sadness and I immediately get up to get some napkins from the kitchen. I hand them over to Aimee and then sit back down.

“It’s not like I just woke up one day and decided this was going to be what I did for a living,” Aimee stated as she wipes her eyes with the napkin. “He met me when I was a dancer so for him to put the blame on it is really fucked up.”

“When you passed the audition, how did he react to it?” I asked Aimee, trying to comprehend the situation in its entirety.

“He was happy,” she answered, continuing to wipe the tears from her eyes. “We even went out to this fancy dinner date to celebrate and everything. He was always so supportive of my dance career so I don’t know where all of this came from when we spoke on the phone.”

“I’m sorry, Aimee,” I said as I handed her more napkins as she cried. In the back of my head, I thought about all of the conversations my mom and I had about taking dance as seriously like this. I knew it for all those years, back in Virginia, when I learned that dance was what broke my parents up in the first place. I think anything that you put above the relationships in your life are going to be challenging to maintain. I should know. “Trust me, it’s not your career that ruined your relationship.”

“I feel like all of our problems came because of my dance career,” Aimee mentioned. “We were fine when I was just at my dance academy doing small gigs and shit.”

“That’s what I mean, Aimee,” I said as I leaned forward to her. “It only became a problem when you wanted more from your career. It’s not that you were dissatisfied with what you already had in your life, you just wanted more regarding your career. You love what you do and you were wanting more out of it, and it’s not easy to maintain the relationships in your life when your career demands so much of your time.”

“Why couldn’t he said something sooner?” Aimee asked as she cried. “Why did he act like this supportive boyfriend if he really had a problem with my career?”

“Because sadly, they want to support,” I began to answer. “Until they realize that it doesn’t benefit them.” I looked at Aimee and she looked at me; we didn’t say anything after that.

…

“For fuck’s sake, pick up the phone, Sky,” I said to myself before hanging up the phone. I slammed my phone on top of the counter and sighed loudly. The moment I get Skylar on the phone, I’m directly screaming in her ear about her just going radio silent for days. Don’t let a man get you isolated from the rest of the world, girl. There’s a knock on my front door; I immediately looked at the door confused at who could it be.

After Aimee came to my room to talk about her boyfriend, I called down Maurice to come and cheer her up. Maurice always had a way to get Aimee out of any bad mood or funk. Maurice and Aimee bounce off from each other well, so I figured Maurice would be a great solution to make Aimee feel better about her breakup. Once Maurice and Aimee left my room, I wasn’t expecting anyone to come and knock on my door.

I opened the front door and my eyes immediately widen. This isn’t real; I’m totally dreaming right now. I smiled once I heard Skylar’s loud mouth as I opened the door.

“Surprise!” Skylar said with her arms open wide. I smiled and went in for a hug.

“Sky, what the fuck are you doing here?” I said, still in shock that my cousin from California is standing in front of me in my room in Korea. I look toward my front door and notice someone else standing there with luggage. Skylar turns around and extends her arm to the man standing near the front door. Shawn.

“Well, Shawn and I came out here for two things,” Skylar said as Shawn wrapped his arm around her.

“Oh no, please tell me you aren’t pregnant and did a shotgun wedding back in California,” I said, looking at them both.

“What? No,” Skylar answered. “We were planning to come and meet his family here in Korea, but since we were coming here, I wanted to come and see your show!” I was in a state of shock. It was one thing to get the support from your family by simply sending them a link to the live-stream of the performance, but to actually have someone here in person watching you from the audience; I was very emotional and did nothing but hug Skylar. Oh, and cry a bit.

“This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done, ” I said through tears in my eyes. Skylar wipes them off with her hands as I laugh, only because I’m beyond embarrassed. I look over at Shawn. “Sorry, Shawn; I didn’t mean for you to see me like this.”

“No need to be sorry,” Shawn finally spoke. “I’ll do anything that makes Sky happy.” Skylar turns around and kisses Shawn. They are stupidly in love with each other.

“I would’ve let you guys stay here with me, but this technically isn’t my room,” I joked around.

“It’s fine,” Skylar reassured. “Shawn and I booked a hotel room about 15 minutes from where the venue is. We’re staying there until after opening night and then we’re going to Seoul to stay with his family.” I nodded my head as Skylar recited her plans here in Korea.

“I’m glad that you guys are here,” I said and smiled. “Once you guys get settled in, we should go out to dinner.”

“That would be nice,” Shawn responded and looked at Skylar. “I also apologize for Skylar not answering your phone calls; I didn’t show her how to turn her services over to international until we landed.” Skylar rolled her eyes playfully.

“I’ll text you,” Skylar said as she walked toward the front door with one bag of her luggage. “I need to catch up on all of the sleep before it turns to severe jet lag.” I nodded my head, totally agreeing with her.

“Have a safe drive to the hotel,” I waved as they left my room. “I’ll text you!” I closed the door to my room and looked at the time on my stove. Shit, I’m going to be late for rehearsal.

Sahim and I walk the streets of Ulsan, which are already busy at the early hours of this Tuesday morning. He holds my hand as we walk just so that we don’t separate from each other; I’m glad that the streets are busy for that exact reason.

We finally approach this little foreign spot; it’s one of the only places on this particular street that the sign outside is not in Korean. It made me smile, Sahim did his research last night. We walked in and a waitress greets us and seats us at a table near a window. The view is of a garden from the flower shop next to us.

“How’d you sleep last night?” Sahim said as he unfolds a napkin and places it on his lap.

“Pretty good,” I answered. “The jet lag has finally surpassed.” Sahim nods his head, agreeing with my statement. I looked around as I spoke. “Looks like someone did their research ahead of time,” I teased and smiled.

“I did,” Sahim smiled as he admitted. “An expert in traveling told me it was necessary to do some research before going to a place you are not familiar with.”

“They sound like a keeper,” I said, looking at Sahim.

“They are,” Sahim stated. I looked down at the menu because I can feel my face get hot and it was way too early to be feeling the way I was feeling. The waitress comes back with a notepad, ready to take our order. It’s been awhile since I actually had real breakfast; having a real breakfast doesn’t exist in New York. You grab a coffee and a donut and get straight to work. I ordered a western omelet and a hot coffee; Sahim got a bagel with cream cheese and a hot chocolate. Once the waitress walked away, Sahim and I looked at each other.

“How was the after-rehearsal tech meeting?” I asked. “Sonia must’ve been real nice to you guys.”

“This stays between us, but Sonia needs to get a hobby once this production is over,” Sahim said. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“What do you think Sonia does when she’s not directing the production?” I curiously asked.

“She probably would enjoy working as a manager just so she can continue to yell at people,” Sahim joked around. I laughed; he’s definitely not wrong about our director. “But other than that, it was alright. Just some final revisions need to be made before the opening on Friday. How was the rest of your night after rehearsal?”

“It was,” I began to say and exhaled loudly. “Good.”

“That didn’t sound convincing,” Sahim noted.

“I’m a dancer, not an actress,” I said as I leaned back on my chair. The waitress comes with the drinks as we thank her. Sahim resumes looking at me to continue our conversation.

“Wanna talk about it?” Sahim offered.

“I wouldn’t want to put a damper on the day this early in the morning,” I joked around. I was hoping Sahim’s expression would soften up, but it didn’t.

“What happened last night?” Sahim asked. I sighed. I realize that if I really wanted to get to know Sahim better, it was about time I told him things that I haven’t told him yet. It was always hard for me to open up about things that I’m not always proud of; it allows people to make judgments and ask tons of questions that I don’t want to answer. It was easier being in New York having this conversation across a table in the cafe with my daughter in a baby stroller. Being across the world; not so much. I looked at Sahim before I began to speak.

“So,” I said as I sighed. “I typically have a video call with my family in New York every week.”

“What’s so bad about that?” Sahim asked. “Unless you got some bad news from your folks back home.”

“No, no,” I said. “Not with my parents.” I looked back up at Sahim, nervous to finally say something that he never knew about me before. “With my daughter.” I could see Sahim’s eye widen for a split second before he gained his composure.

“Oh, your daughter,” Sahim repeated back as if he was trying to comprehend the information without flipping out. “How old is your daughter?” I stared at Sahim before answering.

“She’s 4,” I answered. “She started school back in September. Her class is going on a field trip today; ice skating,” I smiled as I spoke about Willow. Every time I stopped, I looked at Sahim to see if any reaction would show in his face. For once, he doesn’t look as transparent as he typically does with his feelings. He smiled when I smiled.

“What’s her name?” Sahim asked.

“Willow,” I answered. “Like the tree.”

“That’s a pretty name,” Sahim complimented. Sahim shifted in his seat before he continued to speak. “Are you and, uhm…”

“No, he’s married,” I said. “Of course, after we stopped being a couple.”

“Oh, okay,” Sahim says as he nodded his head. The food now comes, which I’m thankful for since he probably won’t be asking anymore questions as he eats. Of course, I was wrong.

“So is her father watching her while you’re away?” Sahim casually asked, looking more comfortable than he did before. He started to eat his food.

“She lives with her dad,” I admitted. Sahim looked back up, now looking uncomfortable once more. iThis is what I get for being honest with my life.

“Oh,” Sahim simply said. He continued to eat his food, in which I watched him do. I was getting defensive again.

“It’s not like I’m shitty mom,” I spat out, trying to save face. “I had her when I was still a lawyer and I was too young to–“

“Grace,” Sahim said to cut my thought off. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. I apologize for putting you in a position where you felt the need to explain.”

“If I don’t explain myself, then people automatically think I’m a shit mother,” I explained. “This isn’t the first time I sat across a stranger who made the same exact expression that you have on your face explaining my situation with my daughter.” I wanted to just walk out of this place and go hide in my hotel room before rehearsal later tonight. Why would I think that Sahim would understand such a weird and unconventional thing like this? No one is capable of understanding this without their judgement.

“The way that you live your life is nobody else’s business,” Sahim responded. “If it works for you, then that’s all that matters. The fact that you even make an effort to keep in touch with your family while you’re away says something different about you.”

“Yeah,” I scoffed. “It says “who is capable of leaving their child behind for a year for a job’?”

“Someone that doesn’t love their child enough to remember that they are also a parent,” Sahim answered. “From what you told me, you have these calls with your daughter every week. A kid can tell when their parent doesn’t really want to be around them; they don’t share anything about their lives, they stay quiet around them, and they simply feel better when that estranged parent finally leaves for the day.” Sahim sighed before he continued. “My father was a shitty father. He would only visit for Christmas, and then he would leave for another year until it was Christmas again.” I looked at Sahim, listening to him open up about something he probably wasn’t planning on opening up about for the sake of making me feel better about Willow. His story made me feel like someone can understand even the slightest bit of my own upbringings.

“My mother left me for her job,” I admitted. “For this production, as a matter of fact. The production was going to be in India. It was either me and my dad or her dance career. She chose her career. I didn’t see or hear from her until I was 17 years old, when I came to New York for a couple of months that my dad was working a case for.” Sahim didn’t say anything after that. I leaned back in my chair and sighed. I made it this far into the story, might as well just confess some more.

“Her dad told me that he signed her up for dance classes,” I started to explain. “I fear I’m continuing this generational curse where work means more than love and family. Like, why would she want to be like her mom that visits her through a screen once a week?”

“Because she probably doesn’t have this judgement on you,” Sahim answered. “Maybe she sees what you do and admires that her mom is a dancer. Is she tuning into the livestrea of the opening show?” I nodded yes.

“That’s all she talks about,” I said, smiling. “She’s so excited to watch.” I can feel tears forming in my eyes and I don’t catch the first couple of drops in time with a napkin. I quickly wiped my face with the napkin, trying to control the tears. “I’m sorry.”

“No need,” Sahim reassured. “Thank you for trusting me with your story, and thank you for listening to mine.” I looked at Sahim as he handed his napkin from his lap. I take it, smiling in return.

“I know this is not what you expected to get after kissing you in the nightclub the other night,” I joked, cleaning the wet tears off of my face. Sahim laughed and shook his head.

“No, but I think I like this better,” Sahim responded. We continued to eat our breakfast in silence, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. In a way, it was a mutual silence, one that symbolized us enjoying each other’s presence in this moment.

I sit at one of the vanity tables in the dressing room before rehearsal, trying to get a hold of Skylar by calling her. I look down at my phone, getting annoyed that she wasn’t picking up. I eventually give up when all of the other dancers begin to come into the dressing room to get ready for tonight’s rehearsal. I notice Aimee walking slowly to the seat next to me, clearly exhausted. I look at her before I start getting ready.

“Someone partied hard last night,” I teased, laughing at Aimee who is now giving me the death stare.

“Girl,” Aimee said as she takes her sunglasses off. “I was stupid for evening doing that last night knowing we had rehearsal today.” I shake my head as I continue to apply my makeup on.

“Have you spoken to Maurice?” I asked.

“Please, Maurice can party and work in his sleep,” Aimee pointed out. “He’s perfectly fine.” I laugh at Aimee’s response; that’s a very Maurice thing to do. Aimee finally looks at me before she starts getting ready at the vanity. “So even though I was tipsy as fuck last night, Maurice has eyes like a hawk.”

“Aimee, 3 drinks is being more than just tipsy,” I begin to say. “Plus, what happened to the ‘no drinking, just have fun because we’re professionals and shit?”

“I plea the fifth; now like I was saying,” Aimee continued on, avoiding my last statement. I laughed as she continued to speak. “Maurice has eyes like a hawk, and with his hawk eyes he couldn’t help but notice someone sucking face with another someone.” I can feel my face getting hot. Fuck. Busted. Aimee stops what she’s doing–and what I’m doing– to grab my full attention. “Did you and Sahim fuck last night?”

“Aimee!” I scolded her, trying to keep this conversation between us. “We did not…fuck last night.”

“Well Maurice said that you two were practically dry humping on the dance floor,” Aimee casually said as my eyes widen.

“Maurice needs to get his facts straight,” I pointed out. “Sahim and I… just kissed.” I try to keep my composure while saying that since I don’t want to give the impression that it was anything more than just that; even if the flashbacks of last night keep popping up in my head.

“No, you “just kiss” your friends on the cheek to greet them and shit; you guys were making the fuck out on that dance floor,” Aimee crossed her arms as she spoke. “You know I’m all for Grachim.”

“What?” I questioned. “What the fuck is Grachim?”

“Your ship name with Sahim,” Aimee answered. “It was either that or Sahace, but Maurice said that shit sounds like a pill you take to get rid of a STI.” I hold the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath; sometimes I am unwilling to handle the things that come out of Aimee’s mouth.

“Girl stop beating around the bush an tell me what happened!” Aimee caved in, now anxious to know what happened. I smile as I put my makeup back into its bag and begin tying up my hair.

“We had mocktails since, you know, sobriety,” I started to explain. “And we started to talk and he said something along the lines that he calls me ‘tiny dancer’, so I asked him if he had nicknames for all of the dancers in the production and he said that it was only me he had the nickname for.” I can feel my face get red as I recall the details. “He mentioned that he’s thought about me since first meeting in New York.”

“Oh, so he has game?” Aimee asked as she raised an eyebrow.

“Funny you mentioned that,” I started to explain. “Because I asked him if he took poetry in college because he had a way with his words. He asked me the same thing back and well I told him I’m a dancer, I talk with my body.” Aimee flails in her seat like a teenage girl, enjoying all the juicy details from last night.

“Girl,” Aimee began to say. “Who kissed who first?” I bit the bottom of my lip before answering her question.

“I did,” I looked at Aimee as I answered her. She’s loving every minute of this conversation. She laughs out loud and holds her hand out for a hi-five. I can’t lie, I was enjoying sharing this moment with Aimee; it was exciting and great to recall the amazing night out with Sahim.

“Look at a boss bitch making boss moves,” Aimee said as she cleans up her vanity area. “I’m fucking proud of you for letting yourself accept what you’ve been feeling. Like I’ve been telling you; Sahim seems like a great catch and I’m glad you’re allowing him to show you that.” Aimee gets up from her seat as I do as well, and we both begin to walk towards the exit of the dressing room. “You deserve a fucking gem after being with rocks all your life.”

Aimee and I walk down the hallway towards the backstage to begin rehearsals. We both hear the director call out for the dancers in our number to get into our positions on stage. Aimee runs to her spot on stage left as I stay on stage right. Has I watch the rehearsal for this dance number begin on stage, I feel someone touch my shoulder. I turn around to see it’s Sahim.

“Hey,” I smiled as I greeted him. He returned the greeting with his infamous smile.

“How are you feeling?” Sahim asked me. Giddy. Warm. All the butterflies permanently live in my stomach now.

“Exhausted,” I answered, settling with an answer that was only semi-true. “Definitely didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

“Definitely,” Sahim repeated. “Hopefully today’s rehearsal doesn’t worsen that exhaustion.” I looked back at the stage, watching the dancers rehearse the first part of the number.

“Hopefully,” I repeated back. There was a quick silence before Sahim said anything next.

“I had a great time at the club last night,” Sahim began to say. I looked back at Sahim as he spoke. He looked a little nervous when I turned around to look at him. “I, uhm, also want to apologize about what happened.” Apologize? For last night?

“What do you mean?” I asked, feeling the knot get tight in my stomach.

“I didn’t mean for things to get too far,” Sahim confessed. I left a little stupid now feeling what I felt last night. Why would he regret what happened last night? Did I not interpret him correctly? “Because now I can’t stop thinking about it.” My eyebrow cocked up, not expecting for the conversation to go in this direction.

“In a good way?” I asked.

“In a great way,” Sahim answered with a smile. “I didn’t know this was something that the tiny dancer does.” I laughed at Sahim’s comment, feeling much better than I did just a minute ago.

“I know that it’s so close to the show and rehearsals are pretty much our lives right now, but would you want to go out sometime? It could even be before rehearsals if we’re both too tired for dinner.” I asked, knowing that it’s almost my time to go on the stage for the number.

“Like breakfast?” Sahim asked.

“Breakfast sounds great,” I said, smiling. I looked toward the stage to get ready for my cue. I turn around one last time before i head onto the stage. “Tomorrow morning?”

“I’ll come to your door,” Sahim answered before I went onto the stage for rehearsal.

…

I tied my hair up into a messy bun once it was halfway dry after showering for the night. I look at the time on my laptop before sitting down in front of it. I took a deep breath before making the weekly video call back to America. I always get nervous when this time of the week comes; it’s like I never know if and when is a good time for me to say hi to everyone in New York, especially now that I’m out of touch with the time being over there. I pressed the phone icon to begin the video call and moments later, Max picks up the phone.

“Hey, Grace,” Max said in a hurry, looking as if he was in the middle of something before picking up the phone.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry; is this a bad time?” I asked, a little embarrassed now.

“No, no; it’s fine, I was getting Willow ready for school,” Max said, zipping a small pink and green backpack. “She insisted on wearing her favorite outfit today.”

“Ahh, yes,” I said and laughed. “She’s in her favorite outfit phase.”

“I just hope the other kids don’t tease her for it, you know?” Max explained, clearly worried.

“Well, her class is probably full of other kids her age that are also in their favorite outfit era,” I reassured Max.

“Some kid came dressed like a cowboy for a week straight,” Max recalled.

“That’s pre-school for you,” I said, noticing a little blur in the back of the room. Max turns around to see Willow coming down the stairs.

“Is that Mommy?” Willow shouts in the background. She runs towards Max in what I believe is her favorite outfit: a pink tutu shirt and a green, sparkly shirt with yellow boots. Fashionista. Willow is now sitting on Max’s lap, looking directly at the screen. Sh waves hi at the screen.

“Hi mommy!” Willow greeted. I smiled and waved back at her through the screen.

“Hi, Willow,” I greeted back; my smile never leaves my face. “Are you ready to go to school?” Willow nodded her head yes.

“We’re going on a trip today,” Willow excitedly mentions. “Ice skating!”

“Ice skating, wow,” I said as I look at Max. “You’re going to look so pretty with your tutu skirt while ice skating.”

“Oh! Mommy, mommy!” Willow randomly said as she wiggles herself off of Max’s lap. “Look what I can do!” Willow walks away from the camera and cutely excuses Max out of the way. Willow twirls and leaps; in a sense it’s like she’s ballet dancing. I smile wide as I watch Willow do the things I did when I was her age. Did Max and Mariam put her in a ballet class? When Willow is done, she bows as if she’s on stage. I clap as she finishes her little performance.

“That was so good, Willow!” I smiled as I said.

“Ms. Jeannie showed me how to spin,” Willow shared. Keeping the smile on my face, I looked over at Max, now looking a little nervous. Max slaps his thighs and lets out a loud sigh.

“Well, we have to get Willow ready for the school bus,” Max said as he looked at Willow. Willow pouted at Max. “Go and grab your winter coat from your closet, sweetie.” Willow runs back upstairs, and now it’s just Max and I on the call.

“Ms. Jeannie?” I asked. “Is that her pre-school teacher’s name?”

“No,” Max answered. He took a deep breath before continuing though. “That’s the name of her dance teacher.”

“You signed her up for dance?” I said, a little annoyed that Max would go behind my back on a decision like this. “Why would you go and put her in a dance class?”

“She wanted to dance,” Max began to explain. “So much that she threw a tantrum about it.”

“This isn’t the type of life I want for Willow,” I emphasized. I was worried that a generational curse was now in the works for my family. I feel like shit for even introducing dance to my daughter when I came to audition for the production back in New York. Of course a mother’s daughter would want to do the things their mother did; without even knowing, I followed my own estranged mother’s footsteps.

But I wanted more for Willow. I wanted Willow to discover life differently and find hobbies that didn’t require her to neglect every other thing in life. I don’t want her growing up to be like me.

“Grace, she’s 4,” Max pointed out. “She’s not making life-alternating choices at this age. The child is dressed in a tutu skirt and cowboy boots for God’s sake. I don’t say anything back as I see Willow walking down the stairs again with her coat on. Max turned around as he watched her coming toward the camera again.

“I’m ready, daddy,” Willow said as Max picked her up to have her sit on his lap once more.

“Say bye to mommy before you go,” Max said as he pointed toward the screen. I smiled once Willow looked directly in the camera.

“Bye, mommy!” Willow waved as I waved back. “I love you!”

“I love you too, sweetie,” I smiled and said back, wishing i was able to see and talk to her for longer. The time difference definitely makes things difficult for me to communicate with those back in New York.

“We’ll talk to mommy one more time before we see her show,” Max explained.

“Yes, I will send you guys the live stream link before the show next week,” I said before looking at Willow once more. “Have a good day on your trip, tiny dancer.” Both Max and Willow wave bye toward the screen as the video call ended. The smile quickly fades away from my face and take a deep breath in and out instead. I get up from my seat and walk towards my bed, falling on it with my back and shutting my eyes, hoping all these thoughts would go away when I eventually fall asleep.

“The dancers for the next number please be on standby,” Sahim calls through the intercom of the dressing room. I begin to get up from the vanity I’m sitting at to get ready to go backstage. Before I leave, Aimee walks up to me and grabs my arm.

“Yo, Grace,” Aimee says as I turn around to face her. “Whatcha doing tonight?”

“After rehearsal?” I asked before answering. “Probably just chill in my room, get ready for rehearsal again tomorrow.”

“Okay so here’s what you’re actually doing,” Aimee started as we began to walk out the dressing room with me. “We’re going to this dance club after the rehearsal with Maurice and a couple of other dancers. No drinking for obvious reasons, but we wanted to go out and celebrate the show opening up next week.”

“Why ask me if you already had an idea in mind about tonight?” I asked Aimee, clearly not amused with her antics. Aimee rolled her eyes at me.

“To be polite,” Aimee snapped back quickly. “But still, let’s go out with Maurice and the others and just have a good time! Just because we’re here for work doesn’t mean we can’y enjoy our time here.”

“I don’t know, Aimee,” I begin to say as we walked closer to the main stage. “I don’t know if I really want to spend my night in some club–” As soon as we turned the corner, we bump into Sahim who is behind the curtain with his equipment on his body. Sheesh, it looks heavy on him.

“Hey, ladies,” Sahim smiled as he greeted us. He directly looks at me and smiles even wider. “You’re on in 2 minutes for the ‘Before I Prosper’ number.”

“Thanks, Sahim,” Aimee answered before continuing with her question. “A bunch of us are going out tonight to the dance club to celebrate opening night next week. Grace is coming!” I looked at Aimee, not co-signing on this whatsoever. I looked at Sahim, smirking and crossing his arms along his chest.

“Grace? Out to a club?” Sahim teases and laughs. I can immediately feel my face get red. “That doesn’t sound like Grace at all.”

“Grace is in Korea,” Aimee emphasized. “She’s not gonna be the same person she was back in boring New York City!” I couldn’t get any words out in this moment and quite frankly, it was the safe thing to do when Aimee was running her mouth about something ridiculous. But, I enjoyed watching Sahim squirm in place, looking at me after every sentence that comes out of his mouth. He was adorable, but he was very transparent in what he was thinking.

“Well count me in, I can live by Grace’s philosophy of trying new things in a new country,” he answered to Aimee but kept eye contact with me the entire time. I felt giddy inside and kind of excited to go out to a club. I might as well make good memories with good people during my time here and if Sahim is a part of those moments, then they are bound to be great memories.

I smiled at Sahim before the director calls out for the next group of dancers to get on stage. While passing by Sahim, he whispers something into my ear.

“See you tonight, tiny dancer,” he said quickly as I walked by him. I felt my face get super hot. I walk onto the stage and look at Aimee standing in her spot. She definitely saw Sahim whisper in my ear since she is looking at me with a stupid grin on her face. I feel hot in the face and it won’t go away.

…

I walked out of the bathroom in Aimee’s room wearing a long sleeve dress with a princess cut on the top. It was green. Aimee and Maurice look at me and begin to shout and holler.

“Look at this baddie,” Aimee said, referring to my look. “She’s ready to fucking party.”

“She looks ready to do more than party with that Freakum dress on,” Maurice plays off of Aimee’s banter. Together they are force. “And I think I know who’s taking it off.”

“Stop,” I quickly shut down the thought. “I’m going out to celebrate the opening of the production next week.”

“Sweetie that ain’t stopping anybody wanting to get some tonight,” Maurice said and laughs out loud. Aimee agrees and laughs along with him as they hi-five each other.

“Why are you guys so obsessed about what Sahim and I do?” I asked the both of them. They look at each other before they look at me.

“Because you guys have been crushing on each other since we were in New York, ” Aimee begins to answer. “Anyone with two eyes can see that you guys are so into each other.”

“I mean, I’m not gonna say that Sahim isn’t attractive,” I began to say before Maurice and Aimee squeal like two teenage girls in high school. “But,” I continued to talk. “The last time I dated someone I was working with, I ended up with a daughter and single months later.”

“Girl, that’s in the past!” Maurice emphasized. “You were young and working at a law firm. You aren’t giving yourself enough credit that you are older and wiser. You deserve to be with a guy that is actually into you, and Sahim is into you.” A knock is heard on the front door of Aimee’s room. She gets up to answer it, which is one of the dancers in Aimee’s section. We all gather our things and head out to the nightclub.

…

We all enter the nightclub and are greeted by some of the other dancers and crew from the production. I guess this was more than just a night out with a small group. The lights are flashing along with the music playing, and the club is full of young people dancing along and having a good time. It was a good atmosphere to be in as a first time out at a club in Korea. Aimee and Maurice grab my hand and pull me towards the dance floor as soon as a song we knew began to play. I danced and laughed with them like I was back in college again with my friends. I don’t remember the last time I had a group of friends like this; friends that want you to have fun and have your back and make you feel like you are equal to them. I remember all of the friends I’ve had in my life, and nothing compares to how grateful I am to have met Aimee and Maurice at a time in my life where I felt alone. This is what friendship is suppose to feel like.

As I dance with my friends, I turn around and see Sahim walking toward our direction. I guess Maurice and Aimee noticed too, since I now have them both in my ear looking in the same direction as me.

“Girl,” Maurice reacted. “Sahim looking fine over there!”

“And I think he’s looking at you thinking the same thing,” Aimee added. I look at Sahim as he gets closer to us, and once he does, my friends make it very apparent that they are happy to see him here.

“Hey, Sahim!” Maurice calls out. Sahim laughs at Maurice’s approach. “We’re glad you made it tonight!”

“I’m glad I was convinced to come,” Sahim said as he looks at me. Sahim puts his hand into mine and slowly starts pulling me away from my friends. “Do you mind if I borrow her for a minute?” Aimee and Maurice look at each other before looking back at Sahim.

“You can take her for several,” Maurice began to say. “We don’t mind!” Both Maurice and Aimee said in unison and began to laugh. If you ever want someone to make anything obvious to someone, you can count on these two to make it obnoxiously obvious.

I walk away from my friends with Sahim; I can’t tell if it’s my palm that’s making this hand-holding a sweaty one, or if it’s his. Something tells me it’s mine; he would’ve pulled back if it was his. He turns around and talks loudly over the music playing.

“I know you don’t drink, so can I offer to buy you a nonalcoholic beverage?” Sahim asked.

“Of course you can,” I smiled as I answered. We walk toward the bar area and watch Sahim order two drinks.

“Two Roy Rogers,” Sahim confidently asked the bartender. The bartender nods and begins to make the drinks. This nightclub seemed to be popular with foreigners, so it was nice that the language barrier wasn’t an issue.

“You know if you want a real drink, you could totally get one,” I reassured Sahim. Normally, it would bother me that the people who know my sobriety would try to make it easier on me and order nonalcoholic drinks around me. At the beginning, it felt like a slap in the face that I was the reason why the people around me wouldn’t drink alcohol with me around. I understand how sobriety is for those who depended on alcohol to dissociate from reality, but just because I can’t casually drink without getting shitfaced and ruining my life, doesn’t mean everyone around me had to walk on eggshells in bar settings.

“Wanna know a little secret?” Sahim asked. I locked my eyes on him, waiting for him to spill. “I’m actually scared to drink in a foreign country.”

“I mean that’s reasonable,” I started to answer. “But you do know you’re technically living here for a year, right?”

“I don’t have to drink alcohol to feel good,” Sahim responded. The two drinks are now in front of us. Sahim thanks the bartender and takes a sip of his drink. “Especially when you’re around someone that makes you feel good.”

“And who would that someone be?” I teased. I loved seeing Sahim squirm whenever I flirted with him. It’s like he asks for it and then gets immediately shy when he gets it. It’s either that, or he already knows that I love seeing him smile.

“Just this tiny dancer,” Sahim flirted back. “I met her in New York and I couldn’t get her off my mind since.” Fuck. I asked for it, and now I’m immensely shy getting it back.

“Do you have a nickname for all of the dancers in the production?” I asked as I sipped on my drink. Who would’ve thought it be this fun flirting while drinking a mocktail?

“There’s dozens of dancers in it,” Sahim pointed out. “How could I possibly remember every single one of you guys?”

“You remember me,” I counteracted. I thought I had the upper hand in this until–

“You’re worth remembering,” Sahim quickly bounced back, making me completely speechless in the moment. Also, my face is now red; very red.

“Damn, for someone who works in tech, you sure do have a way with words,” I said as I leaned back on the bar chair, eyes locked on Sahim’s. “Did you write poetry back in college?”

“I actually did,” Sahim answered as he laughed. “I also very much enjoyed it.” I couldn’t help but laugh with Sahim. Spot on; back on top. “You must’ve done the same with your quick comebacks.”

“Nah,” I said, taking the last sip of my drink and then placed the glass on the bar counter. “I’m a natural-born dancer. I talk with my body.” Sahim chuckled to himself before stepping closer to me; I can smell the body wash on his skin. Warm Vanilla.

“What does your body say?” Sahim said towards my ear, and immediately I get goosebumps from the vibration of his voice against my eardrum.

“I don’t know,” I begin to say as I slide off the bar stool. I don’t break eye contact with Sahim until it’s nearly impossible to meet at his eye level.

I feel a wave of heat rushing through my body, like the circulation of my blood is rushing through every vein in my body. I can’t deny that Sahim and I have chemistry; clearly it’s apparent to more than just him and I. I like Sahim because he’s gentle, shy, but is straightforward with what he wants. I had a feeling Sahim had this crush on me way back during our rehearsals in New York, but I was too afraid to admit that I was feeling the same way. I don’t get the happy endings with the people I let into my life. I am known for ruining every good thing that happens to me. I was bound to think I was meant to be alone on the this world; not even my daughter helped with the loneliness I was meant to have.

But, maybe things are different. I’m different, older, and wiser. I have accepted that things in my past are meant to stay in the past. You are not the definition of your past experiences; they are a reflection of a person you once were is what Chelsea would tell me in therapy. I’ve worked so hard to be where I’m at currently; I’m in a foreign country to perform in one of the world’s best known dance productions with a group of people I have called my second famiy within the past couple of months of rehearsal. In this moment, me standing in the middle of a nightclub in Korea with Sahim, feels like the closest thing to home in a really long time. I didn’t even know I was capable of finding one again after everything that’s happened, but I know I deserve it just as much as the next person. I am worthy of goodness. I am worthy of feeling the butterflies in my stomach for a guy that I can see myself spending this year in Korea with.

I leaned towards his ear to finish what I was saying after standing up from my seat. “But she’s very talkative right now.” Sahim looks down at me and puts his hand out for me to grab. I grabbed it, and he then immediately walks me to the dance floor with him.

The lights are flashing and the bass of the current song hits against the speakers at the DJ booth. My hips move with the music, hitting every other beat that dancers tend to hear in music. Sahim softly places his hands on my hips as if he is listening to the music through the way my hips are moving. He begins to dance along with me, getting closer as the song continues to play. I placed my arms around his neck, looking up at him. Sahim’s award-winning smile is now an award-winning lip bite, and it’s now my new favorite thing that he does. I don’t see or hear anyone else besides Sahim in this moment; like this song and this dance floor was only meant for us.

I feel Sahim lower his head to touch my forehead as we continue to dance with each other. I can’t help myself anymore; I know I shouldn’t make things complicated by wanting to do this with a man I work with, but the longer I wait to do it, the more it eats me up inside. You deserve this.

I grabbed Sahim’s neck with my hands and slide them up to tangle my fingers in his curly hair. I lift my head and meet his lips with my own. I closed my eyes and kissed him; it wasn’t long after that Sahim started to kiss me back. Fuck. I can’t stop this now. I’m in too deep, and even then I want to get deeper. At this point, we stopped dancing and continued to make out on the dance floor. His lips are soft, even when I bite down on them. Before we finally pull away from each other, he gets his way and pulls on my bottom lips slowly with his teeth. When they snap back into place, Sahim bites down on his own tongue and chuckles as he smiles at me.

I can’t help but kiss him some more.